


The Rose

by dancerjb



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: M/M, Minor Character Death, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-29
Updated: 2015-08-08
Packaged: 2018-03-20 05:03:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 174,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3637761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dancerjb/pseuds/dancerjb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tommy is getting over the loss of his father and is doing a job he loves, then he meets a stranger with a secret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is the result of seeing a photograph. I hope you enjoy.

**Prologue**

  
Adam brushed away another tear. “I’m so sorry Alex, I didn’t know things had gotten so bad, why didn’t you talk to me? I could have helped you.”

For the last 3 months Adam had visited Alex every Thursday taking him a single red rose on each visit. He blamed himself. Alex had always been the quiet one in their relationship, but Adam should have seen things weren’t right, but he was too wrapped up in writing and recording his next album. He vowed to Alex that would change, but his label always had _this promotional tour_ or _that photo-shoot_ to for him to attend. Looking back Adam had known things weren’t right and he promised himself he’d sit and talk to Alex about what was bothering him.

He had been asked by his label to go to New York that weekend to receive an award, they said it would raise his profile. Adam told Alex he wouldn’t go, _they_ were more important. But Alex had persuaded him that the award and the recognition for his charity work as well as his singing was important and their night together would happen as soon as Adam got home.

Thinking about that last goodbye now, Adam should have realised something was going on in Alex’s mind. He’d clung to Adam tighter than he’d ever done before. He’d told him he loved him and told Adam never to forget that. Adam had told him he would always love him and as they’d pulled apart Adam had seen tears in his boyfriends’ eyes. Something that had not happened since he’d told his parents he was gay and Adam Lambert was his boyfriend. His parents had explained to him they knew and they loved him no matter who he loved. Adam had been there as moral support, and held him when his parents had explained how long they’d suspected.

In the 2 years since, Adam had never seen Alex cry again, until that day at the airport. He should have asked him why, he shouldn’t have gone to New York, but he did and now he was living with the consequences. So yeah, it was his fault.

If only he’d told his label he wasn’t going. Maybe he’d have been able to help Alex, instead of coming home to a note and an empty house. The only saving grace was Adam wasn’t the one to have found Alex. But that didn’t make it any easier.

“Oh Alex, why didn’t you tell me? I promise to always love you, no-one will ever take your place. I’ve given up singing. I can’t do something that was a part of taking you away from me. I’m ok, my album will be released and I’ll be able to sell our house. I don’t want to live there, not without you baby.”

Adam wiped his tear stained face. “I’ve got to go sweetheart. I’ll come back and see you next week. I love you with all my heart. Goodbye for now baby.”

Adam stroked his hand over the photograph in the centre of the head-stone, then stood. Looking around to make sure he wasn’t being watched, he walked away, head down, hands in his pockets. His label had told him to take as much time as he needed, now he’d decided, he couldn’t go back. His heart had been broken when he’d had to say goodbye to his lover.

^V^

**Present Day**

“Tommy…hey Tommy.”

“What? Sorry, just listening to some Depeche Mode.”

“Do you ever listen to anything else?”

“Yeah, sometimes. What did you disturb me for?”

“Boss wanted me to ask you if you wanted an extra shift tomorrow?”

“Sorry Mike, can’t, visiting dad tomorrow.”

“Sorry man, I forgot. Tell him I said his son’s a pain in the butt, but we love him.”

“Aww thanks Mike, didn’t know you thought of me that way. I’m sure Carrie would love to know how you feel about me!” Tommy laughed.

“She loves ya too.”

“Mmm a threesome, sounds good. Ya know I’m up for it.”

“Let’s leave your dick out of Carrie and this conversation. I’m the only one who...”

“You always bring the conversation down into the gutter.”

“You started it TJ with a threesome.”

“Hey you were the one who mentioned my butt. People think it’s cute…I think it’s non-existent.”

“Shut up and get back to work.” Mike threw a tea towel at his best friend. Both ending up in fits of giggles. “Seriously Ratliff, how are you, your mom and Lisa coping? I know it’s not been long.”

“Mom and Lisa are good, they help each other. Me? I’m ok, I just wish I’d had more time to speak to dad. I put off telling him I’m Bi and I don’t think he really understood. Mom says he was ok with it. But I just wish I’d gotten to tell him sooner, have him tell me what he really thought.” Tommy went quiet.

“Hey, TJ. He loved you and I believe he would have still loved you even if you’d told him sooner.”

“Thanks Mike.” Tommy squeezed his friends shoulder. “Even though I didn’t see him much I still miss him.”

“You’re bound to. Look if ever you just want to off load you know where I am.”

“Thanks. I’d better go tell boss-man I can’t work tomorrow.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll tell him I’ll do it.”

“Thanks man, I owe you.”

“Yeah, yeah I’ll remember that.”

“Well you know what they say.”

“What’s that?”

“Elephants never forget!” Tommy ducked as another tea towel hurtled towards him.

“You little shit.”

“But ya love me?”

Tommy had been working in the bar since he’d quit his soul destroying job in the call centre. He’d done that for a couple of years to help pay his rent. But when he’d come out as Bi he was the brunt of people’s homophobic comments and he was sick of it. His best friend Mike had got him an interview for the job in the bar and the owner had taken him on straight away when he said he played guitar. Tommy had played for countless wannabes on open mic nights hoping that one day he’d get the break he’d craved since he first picked up a guitar. So far that break hadn’t happened, but hey he was still only 28 there was still time.

Plugging his ear buds back in he continued cleaning the tables. At least he got to play one night a week. He hummed along to the music. He was happier now than he’d been for a long time, even though he’d lost his dad he knew he was up there somewhere watching over him. He’d never been the religious type but for the last 6 months he’d gone once a week, usually on a Thursday, and spent time _chatting_ to his dad. Maybe he felt closer to him that way, he didn’t know. He just liked telling his dad what he’d done during the week. Some of his colleagues thought he was crazy but he didn’t care what they thought. It made him feel calm and he sometimes took his guitar with him, played something he’d written or his dad’s favourite song. He was no good at singing, so he just played and _talked_.

He even told his dad all about his failed relationships. He’d not found that special someone, not yet. Tommy’s mom had said there’d be someone out there for him and he shouldn’t try too hard. He’d laughed and said who’d want a scrawny guy with no ass as a boyfriend. His mom and sister had told him that whoever he fell in love with would love him just the way he was.

Maybe they had something there. He was not one for going to the gym, and he loved food and Jack Daniels too much to cut down on either.

When Tommy’s father had died he’d gone on a bender just after the funeral. He was angry at himself for not spending more time with him through the years. It had been Mike who’d brought him back into the world of the living and Tommy had been so grateful to him.

Tommy had to admit even though he wasn’t doing the one thing that would make his life complete, he was happy.

He wiped the last table just as his music stopped in his ears. Going back behind the bar he replaced the cloth under the counter and straightened the glasses in the rack.

“Hey TJ.” Mike shouted from the office.

“Yeah?”

“Boss-man wants a word.”

“K, on my way.”

Tommy liked Craig their boss, he was a fair man and he was just Tommy’s type, tall, dark haired, but unfortunately for Tommy the guy was straight.

“Hey Craig, Mike said you wanted to see me?”

“Yeah Tommy, have a seat.”

“Have I done…”

“No Tommy, I’ve got a proposition for you.”

“Oh, ok.”

“I know you’ve been playing for the acts on open mic night.”

“K, what…”

“Hear me out.”

“All ears boss.” Tommy smiled.

“Well I’ve got an idea for a Friday night. I’ve been thinking about this for a while now.”

“Ok.” Tommy wished he would get to the point.

“What I’ve been thinking is putting a band together to play on a Friday night. I want you to be the guitarist.”

“Oh!”

“I have a couple of friends who are looking for regular work and I thought if we could get you all together, well…”

“Yeah I’ll do it.”

“But I haven’t told you anything about my friends.”

“Hey if they’re musicians then that’s the important part and all I need to know.”

“The only thing is, we haven’t got a singer, we don’t know any good enough, I was wondering if you knew of anyone?”

“Um…not really. I can keep an ear out if you like?”

“That’d be good Tommy thank you.”

“When would you want us to start?”

“I was thinking next week. How is that for you?”

“Great, are we still doing open mic nights on Tuesdays?”

“Yeah, we may even find a singer who wouldn’t mind doing some extra work.”

“Sounds good. When do we start rehearsing?”

“How about Sunday and then you can sort the rest out amongst yourselves.”

“Fine by me. You do know I’ve got prior engagements for Thursdays.”

“Yeah and I’ll still honour that. I know how you feel…” Craig looked sad. “…but that’s for another time. Oh one more thing Tommy.”

“Mmm what’s that?”

“I will be paying you extra for the gig. I don’t want you all doing it for free.”

“Wow, thank you.” Tommy grinned.

“Hey you’ve been a great help on the mic nights. Let’s just say this is another small step to you achieving your dream job.” Craig knew how much playing meant to Tommy and if he was biased he didn’t care, but he thought Tommy Joe Ratliff was an awesome guitarist, and if he could help him achieve his dreams then that made him happy.

“Tommy, why don’t you take the rest of the night off, I’ll cover your shift. Been a while since I did bar work, I’m rather itching to get out there again.”

“But what would I do?” Tommy wasn’t used to being given extra time for himself.

“Relax for one and how about finding some songs that the band could play.”

“Oh, um…ok.”

“Let me know Friday when you come in what ideas you have then we can discuss with Isaac and Ashley what they think.” Craig saw the confused look on Tommy’s face. “Oh sorry, Isaac is the drummer and Ashley is a fiery badass bass player. She’s only tiny but boy watch out!” he laughed.

“Sounds awesome. Thanks, I’ll um…well I’ll see you Friday then.”

“Thank you Tommy, I hope you won’t regret it.”

“No, thank you Craig and no I’m not going to regret anything about playing the guitar.” Tommy left Craig’s office with a huge grin on his face, bumping into Mike on his way through the bar.

“Wow, you look like the cat that ate all the cream. Guess it went well with Craig then?”

“Meow! Oh yeah, wanna pour me a Jack and I’ll tell you all about it.”

^V^

Tommy spent the rest of the day searching the internet for what was current in the world of music. Yes he loved listening and playing, but his taste wasn’t always what everyone else liked. He made notes of the songs that he thought the band could play, then poured himself a celebratory drink. Ok so he wasn’t playing big theatres, he wasn’t a famous singers’ guitarist, but boy was he going to enjoy this new gig. Plus he was being paid to play. That was definitely a step in the right direction. He couldn’t wait to meet Isaac and Ashley. He hoped they could find someone to sing with them. A band was always much better with a vocalist.

Looking at the time he realised he’d been looking for songs for several hours. He should get to bed, he had a lot to tell his dad when he visited later in the day. Swallowing the last of the Jack he headed through to his bedroom.

He should tell him mom and Lisa, but he didn’t think they’d quite appreciate a call or a message at 2 in the morning. He’d do that when he woke up.

For the first time in a couple of weeks, Tommy fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

The sun streaming through the gap in his curtains woke him and as he made his way to the bathroom he remembered his conversation with Craig and his new job. Whistling some random song he showered quickly, it was a warm day and he wanted to tell his dad all about his new work. Wrapping a towel around himself he padded back to his bedroom. Nothing could upset him today. He should message his mom and Lisa, no, that was too impersonal. He’d text them to meet him for lunch. He’d go see his dad then meet his 2 favourite girls and buy them lunch to celebrate.

Before he got dressed he sent a message to his mom and Lisa.

**Hey meet me at Guisados on E. Cesar E. Chavez Avenue at 1 this afternoon. I’ll buy lunch, got something to tell you.**

He sent the same message to both his girls and waited as he knew he’d get questions back from both of them.

As he was pulling his jeans on his phone buzzed. Smiling as he saw it was him mom.

**Hey sweetie, is everything alright? It is good news isn’t it?**

He laughed to himself, his mom always trying to get information out of him. Well she’d have to wait. He messaged back.

**Sure mom it’s good news but you’ll have to wait till we meet.**

He didn’t have to wait long. **Oh that’s good Thomas, I was worried. I’ll see you at 1. Thank you xx**

Just as he pulled his t-shirt on his phone went again. Laughing out loud, this time at his sisters comment.

**Hey little brother, does this good news mean you finally got laid? ‘course I’ll meet you. See you later. Xx**

_Oh Lisa you always think it’s about my love life_. He messaged back. **Nope, not got laid, you’ll just have to wait and see. Love ya sis xx**

He got a series of question marks for that, but he knew she’d wait so he didn’t bother answering.

Pulling his creepers from underneath his bed he realised he’d not felt as good as this since he’d told the call centre to stick their job where the sun didn’t shine. But Lisa was right in one way, he’d not had a boyfriend or girlfriend for several months now. He’d had a bad break up with his last girlfriend and he vowed not to get too involved with anyone who couldn’t accept him for who he was.

Picking up his jacket and car keys he headed out. First call was to see his dad. Tommy hummed along to the Depeche Mode cd he’d got in his car, his thoughts flitting from his excitement at his new venture to wondering if there was a singer out there looking for a gig one night a week.

Before he knew it he’d arrived at the cemetery. He always took his time getting out of his car, he respected everyone who was visiting their loved ones and it always sent a shiver down his spine at how many people were with his dad. _Come on Ratliff you’ve been doing this for a while now, you know what to expect._ Shaking his head he climbed out, closing the door quietly. He didn’t have to look for his dad he found his legs took him there automatically. He hadn’t brought his guitar today he just wanted to talk and tell his dad his good news.

As he was walking past a clump of trees he thought he heard someone singing. Stopping to listen he shook his head, he’d either been too wrapped up in thinking about a singer for their Friday gig, or the person had stopped. Listening again he couldn’t hear anything so he continued on to his fathers’ resting place.

As he sat down a familiar face went past waving a hello to him. He waved back, there were one or two like Tommy who visited their loved ones each week. He didn’t know any of their names but they acknowledged each other all the same.

It was a lovely sunny day, so putting his jacket on the grass he sat down.

“Hey dad, I’m back again. I’m good today, in fact I’m more than good.” Tommy laughed “Oh dad I wish I could have had one more conversation with you, but this is…well this helps. So…where do I start? I’m having lunch with mom and Lisa today, they don’t know yet but it’s a celebration. I’ve landed an extra job. You know that bar I work in…well Craig the owner, he’s putting a band together to play every Friday night and he wants me to play guitar for them. It’s only one night for now, but who knows where it’s gonna lead. I’m so pleased I left that call centre, it was so depressing. But m’not gonna dwell on that. The only thing is we don’t have a singer yet. But with the open mic night on Tuesdays, I’m sure we’ll find one. Oh I wish you could have heard me play. I know I used to play for you and mom, but this is different. I’m actually going to be paid for playing. I’m getting there dad.” Tommy sat quietly for a while just looking around at the people coming and going, silently in their own worlds.

There it was again, he hadn’t been dreaming, there was someone signing. Whoever it was wasn’t bad, but it sounded so sad. Tommy tried to determine which direction it was coming from, but it was too far away to get a fix on it.

Turning back to his dad, “Lisa’s up to her old tricks again dad, wanting to know about my love life, or non-existent love life. I’m happy as I am for now dad. There will be someone one day, but I’m not in a rush. I’d love for there to be that special someone like you had with mom, but…oh shit! Sorry dad, what I’m trying to say is I don’t know whether it’s gonna be a girl or a guy. I hope you wouldn’t be too disappointed in me if it was a guy. I wish I’d had a chance to tell you, for you to tell me what you thought.” Tommy didn’t know when it happened but he could feel tears running down his cheeks. “Aww dad, I’m sorry if I was a disappointment to you, but I hope I can change that with my new gig. I don’t know if you’re up there looking down on me, you know what I thought about all that too, but in case you are, just know that I love you and I’m going to make you, mom and Lisa proud of me one day soon. I promise.”

Tommy sniffed _wow TJ you really excelled yourself today_. He looked at his watch, he’d been there longer than he realised and if he didn’t get a move on he’d be late meeting his mom and sister. Standing he heard the faint singing again. He wanted to investigate but he didn’t have time. Turning back to his dad, “m’sorry dad I have to go, said I’d meet the girls at 1pm. So…I’ll see you next week. I’ll let you know how rehearsals go, we start officially a week from tomorrow. Love you dad, see you soon.” He put his coat back on as it had turned cold, well cold for Tommy, and headed back to his car, making a mental note to see if he could find that singer next week.

^V^

Adam had told his label he wasn’t going to make any more albums, not for the foreseeable future. He’d told them to release the album he’d just finished recording. He didn’t care whether it sold or not he was comfortable. He’d put his house on the market, $2.5m would get an apartment big enough for himself. His furniture could go into storage, he may even sell it one day or if he bought another house he could put it in there. He didn’t really care just at the moment.

Adam arrived at Alex’s grave, placing the rose down he stroked the image of his lover before sitting down.

“Hey sweetheart. I’m back. I can’t believe another week has gone by and I don’t see your beautiful face. I miss you so very much baby. Well I’ve told the label I’m not recording anymore. I hope you don’t mind but I’ve put our home on the market, I can’t bear to stay there, not without you. You are what made it a home. Oh Alex I really wish I’d made more time for you, I’m so very sorry.”

Adam sat and cried again. He didn’t know how long he’d been there watching people go past. He recognised some faces that were there every week. He didn’t acknowledge them for fear they’d recognise him, and that was the last thing he wanted.

He stroked his fingers over the picture of Alex again and began humming a familiar tune. It was the song he’d been singing when he’d met Alex. Before he realised he was singing it out loud.

All around me are familiar faces  
Worn out places, worn out faces  
Bright and early for their daily races  
Going nowhere going nowhere  
Their tears are filling up their glasses  
No expression, no expression  
Hide my head, I wanna drown my sorrow  
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

 

And I find it kinda funny  
And I find it kinda sad  
The dreams in which I’m dying  
Are the best I’ve ever had  
I find it hard to tell you  
I find it hard to take  
When people run in circles  
It’s a very, very, mad world, mad world.

 

Adam stopped, he thought he heard someone close by. He held his breath until the sound dissipated. “My darling Alex, I wish I could die and be with you again. In my dreams we are together on a beautiful island. Then I wake up and realise I’m all alone. Oh baby it’s such a mad world. I see people moving but I don’t feel a part of it anymore, not without you my love.”

Adam sat for several long minutes, just being there with Alex was calming. There was that noise again. Had someone been listening to him? He looked up but couldn’t really see anything, so he carefully stood.

Tommy hadn’t been dreaming, there was someone singing. Whoever it was had an amazing voice. He stopped to listen some more, but for whatever reason the singing stopped. Tommy had to go, he’d promised his girls lunch. He’d have to investigate more the following week. As he was leaving he thought he felt someone watching him. _Stop being stupid Ratliff, who’s gonna be watching you?_ He shook his head and carried on back to his car.

As Adam reached his full height he was able to see over the clump of trees, and he spotted a petit blond haired man looking around. Crouching down, Adam didn’t want to be seen, he watched the man look confused, shake his head then then disappear in the direction of a group of cars. _That was close Lambert, what if he’d seen you? He probably heard you, you are going to have to watch what you do, what you say or sing for that matter._

Turning back to look at Alex’s picture, happy the man hadn’t spotted him, he knelt down. “I’ve got to go baby, I’ll see you next week. I will always love you. Sleep well my love.” Adam kissed his fingers then brushed them over the photograph. Taking one last look around, he walked off head down, hands in his pockets, back to his lonely existence.

^V^

Tommy arrived at Guisados with 10 minutes to spare. Taking a quick glance around the parking lot he couldn’t see either his mom’s or Lisa’s cars. He smiled, he was there before them for a change. Normally they’d be waiting for him.

As he entered the restaurant a cute dark haired girl approached him. “Good afternoon Sir, have you got a table booked?”

“Yes, there’ll be 3 of us and it’s in the name of Ratliff.”

“Ah yes Sir, if you’ll just follow me, I’ll show you to your table.” She smiled at him, he was cute. She wondered if he was single.

Tommy noticed her staring at him, he smiled to be polite, but he really wasn’t looking for a girlfriend just yet.

As he sat down she handed him a menu. “I’m Stacey, I’ll be your waitress today, so if there is anything I can get you please just let me know.”

“Thank you, if you’ll just show my lunch guests over when they arrive that would be great, thank you.”

He’d been sat reading what was on offer when he felt someone at his side. Looking up he saw his mom grinning and his sister whispering something to Stacey.

“Hi mom, Lisa! Sit down and we’ll sort our food out.”

“Hi sweetie, you look really good, have you got a special someone who’s taking care of you?”

“No mom I haven’t, I’ve got…”

“See told you he was single.”

“Lisa, kindly leave my love life out of the conversation with our waitress.”

“My darling little brother, I was only telling her that…”

Tommy looked from Lisa to Stacey, “I’m sorry Stacey, please forgive my meddling sister. She is always trying to fix me up with a pretty girl.”

Stacey blushed, “that’s ok, Mr Ratliff no harm done.” She smiled, “like I said earlier when you’re ready to order, please let me know.”

“Thank you.” Tommy glared at Lisa who blew him a kiss as she sat down.

“So little brother what’s the news you couldn’t tell us earlier?”

“Wow straight to the point. I’m fine Lisa thank you, how are you? Mom you look well too.”

“Thank you dear, I’m getting better. Had a lot of help from Lisa and our church.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t…”

“Tommy, stop apologising. Your dad understood and I understand now, you’re busy. We didn’t, and I don’t expect you to be at my house every day.”

“No, but he could ring you a bit more.”

“Lisa, this is supposed to be a celebratory lunch. Let’s not start that again. I’ve explained to mom…”

“Lisa, Tommy, that’s in the past. We all have to get on with our lives now. Your dad would have wanted that, not you squabbling about visiting me all the time.”

“I’m sorry mom.”

“I know Lisa, now let’s see what Tommy has to say after we’ve ordered.”

“Are you going to tell us you’ve met someone and you’re getting married.”

“No Lisa I haven’t and it’s better than that anyway. But mom’s right let’s order.”

They all decided that the steak Picado Taco sounded the best. Calling Stacey over, Tommy ordered and added a bottle of red wine for the girls and a Jack and coke for himself.

He watched as Stacey walked away, maybe under different circumstances he would ask her out, but he’d had enough hassles from _girlfriends'_ maybe he should look for a boyfriend. He was deep in thought when Lisa clipped him across the back of his head.

“OW! Lis, what was that for?”

“You ask us to lunch then you spend time drooling over the waitress.”

“Was not, was just thinking.”

“Ooo don’t do too much of that you’ll hurt yourself.”

Tommy stuck his tongue out at his sister.

“Children please, you’re in a very nice restaurant and you are not little kids anymore.”

“Sorry mom.” They chorused, then all 3 burst out laughing.

“So Tommy, what’s made you this happy and want to celebrate with me and your sister?”

“I’ve been offered another job.”

“Great you finally get to leave that horrible bar.”

“Lisa it’s not horrible and I’m not leaving. The new job is there.”

“Oh!”

“That’s good news sweetheart, what are you going to be doing?”

“You know they have open mic nights once a week?” He saw them nod, “well Craig wants to get a band together and because I play guitar on a Tuesday he wants me to play in the band. He’s also going to pay us for it too. It won’t be much at first but it could lead to more, depending on how popular we are. The only thing is we need a singer.”

“That sounds wonderful Tommy, your dad would be proud of you.”

Tommy noticed tears in his mom’s eyes and he reached out to hold her hand. He saw her smile slightly.

“So aren’t you gonna say anything other than Oh! Lisa?”

“Yeah, well done. But it won’t last.”

“Gee thanks sis, I thought you’d understand how much playing means to me.”

“I’m sorry Tommy, I do, it’s just…”

“What Lisa?”

“I just thought it was a phase you were going through and once dad went, well I thought you’d get a proper job.”

“Lisa Ratliff your brother has a proper job, he’s happier now than when he was in that horrible call centre.”

“Thanks mom, I am happy. Why aren’t you happy for me?”

“Oh Tommy, I am, I just wish I could get a new job. This one in the medical centre is getting me down. I seem to be doing the work of several people even though they’re there. They just...oh I don’t know.” She looked at her hands and started playing with the ring she had on her finger.

“Is that all it is, or is there something else?”

“No just that. I suppose I’m a little bit jealous you’re doing something you love, me…I’m doing it to pay the bills.”

Tommy got up and went to hug his big sister. “Aw Lis, something or someone will come along and change your life for the better.”

“Thank you Tommy, I’m sorry for being a grumpy bitch.”

“Hey that’s what sisters do isn’t it?” He moved quickly before she could slap him.

They were all laughing as Stacey brought them their food and drinks. Tommy watched her again as she went to serve another table.

“Go on TJ admit it, you fancy her don’t you?”

“She’s cute, yeah, but not looking right now.”

“But you were looking at her.” They laughed again. The tensions disappearing and over good food they talked about Tommy’s new job, his mom’s charity work she was going to do and Lisa’s ideal job and man.

Before they realised half the afternoon had gone and they decided to go back to Tommy’s for more coffee. He’d even told his mom he visited his dad every week. She’d been surprised at first and then said she understood why he did it, but he wasn’t to feel guilty for not being there at the end. Tommy even admitted taking his guitar and playing the music he’d written.

“Wow, my gorgeous son is branching out, writing music.”

“Can’t put words to them though not good at that.”

“You’ll find someone one day that’ll be able to do that.”

Tommy thought back to the voice he’d heard that morning.

“Earth to Tommy Joe!”

“What, um sorry, just thinking.”

“Wow, again! You really will have a headache if you carry on.”

“Cheeky bitch!”

“Thomas Joseph Ratliff, language.”

“Sorry mom. What did you say?”

“I asked when your first gig was?”

“Oh, um, week from tomorrow, why you gonna come and listen?”

“Yeah if my little brother doesn’t mind.”

“No I don’t mind, why don’t you come as well mom. I’d love for you to hear us play.”

“Thank you I might just do that.”

“Great.” Tommy hugged his sister then his mom, he really did love his girls.

“I don’t know about mom, but I’m going to have to love you and leave you. I have a shift at the hospital to do.”

“I’ll come with you, save Tommy having to take me home later.”

“I don’t mind.”

“I know you don’t sweetheart, but my house is on the way to Lisa’s, so it’s easier.”

“Alright. Thanks for a lovely lunch.”

“No, thank you and congratulations on your job.”

“Thanks.” Tommy hugged them again and said he’d be in touch about the following week.

Waving goodbye from his apartment window, his thoughts went back to the voice. He couldn’t get it out of his mind. It was beautiful and haunting both at the same time. He wondered, if he found out who it was, maybe if he plucked up enough courage he’d mention the band and how they were looking for a singer.

He had an early start in the morning and he still needed to sort out a few more songs for their first rehearsal. Taking a glass of Jack and his laptop through to his bedroom he spent the next couple of hours searching, finally falling into a peaceful sleep.

^V^

Tommy was whistling as he arrived for work, Mike staring at him in amusement.

“Morning TJ, you look as though you got laid last night!”

“Why is everyone so concerned with my sex life? For your information Mike, no I didn’t.”

“So what’s making you so happy this morning?”

“Life is good at the moment, I’m doing something I like, I can pay my bills. Mom and Lisa are well, so yeah I’m good.” He hung his jacket on the back of a chair then went to clear some tables. He suddenly thought about the singing he’d heard the previous day and thought that whoever it was sounded sad.

“Tommy…hey TJ you’re doing it again.”

“What? Sorry Mike, just thinking.”

“Ouch!”

“Hey I’ll have you know I do come up with some good ideas when I think.”

“So come on then, shock me with a good idea.”

“Sorry Mike not just yet, need to do some investigating first.”

“Oh ok. Now I’ll be thinking what you’re up to.”

“Now that’ll be a first, Mike Nash actually using his brain.”

Tommy laughed as a beer mat flew across the room.

“Boys, boys.”

“Morning Craig.” They both echoed together.

“Tommy, did you manage to find any music?”

“Yeah boss got about 4 songs that aren’t difficult to play, plus I know some older songs too. It all depends what you want us to play.”

“I’m gonna leave it up to the 3 of you. You’ll be the ones playing so you decide between you.”

“Thanks. Oh when are Isaac and Ashley coming in?”

“How about now?”

Tommy heard a female voice behind him. Turning he came face to face with a tiny female with blonde hair on one side and blue on the other.

“Hi, you must be Ashley?” Tommy held out his hand.

“Yep that’s me.” Ashley smiled as she shook his hand.

“Hi I’m Isaac.” He shook Tommy’s hand.

“Hi I’m Tommy, it appears I’m gonna be your guitarist.”

“Great. Does that mean your friend there is the singer?”

Tommy laughed out loud. “Sorry…erm…” he coughed, “no…that’s Mike and his singing is far worse than mine.”

“Gee thanks TJ, I’ll have you know I can sing…in the shower!”

From all the laughter that followed Tommy knew that they were all going to get on great.

“Ok guys introductions over, why don’t the 3 of you go chat and decide what you’re going to play.”

“Thanks Craig. Oh and I’ll let you know once we’ve decided.”

“Thanks Tommy, I trust you. Now, go make some awesome music.”

As Tommy headed towards the stage with Ashely and Isaac, Mike watched his friend and smiled.

“What’s up Mike?”

“Oh just thinking how happy TJ looks. First time for a very long time I’ve seen him this animated.”

“Good, he deserves it. He’s had a rough few months hasn’t he?”

“Yeah he has. Thank you.”

“What for Mike?”

“Oh just giving him a job here and now letting him have a chance to do what he does the best.”

“Hey if it brings in more punters, then it’s a win, win situation on both our parts.”

Mike smiled hoping it was going to work out. He also hoped that maybe Tommy could find that special person to share his life with. He deserved happiness in that area too.

Tommy, Ashley and Isaac found they had a wide range of musical styles between them and also the same too. Tommy had imagined Craig’s friends to be the kind of musicians that knew and played all the current styles, but once they began chatting it transpired they preferred the older stuff to the current styles. Tommy had suggested some songs and, as well as those, Ashley had added her ideas to the mix. Isaac just said he’d go along with whatever they wanted, with the exception of what he called _boyband_ material. He shuddered when he mentioned them which had Tommy and Ashley laughing.

Mike had been watching his friend become animated the more he talked music. “Hey guys you want a break for a drink?”

“Sounds good, coffees would be great.” Tommy looked at his new friends who nodded.

“Gimme 5 then they’ll be ready.” Mike shouted as he disappeared into the kitchen.

“So are we all agreed then we kick off with _Red House_ then _We Are the Champions_.”

“Great, could we then do _Mad World_?”

“Which version were you thinking of? If you say Gary Jules then I’ll have to go home and think about the arrangement.”

“Oh, is that going to be a problem?”

“Not really, just it’s not written for guitar.”

“Would it be too difficult?

“Nah, shouldn’t take me too long.”

“I prefer that version.”

“Ok that’s settled, I’ll do it tonight.”

“Aw thank you Tommy. You’re the best.”

Tommy blushed. He’d not really been complimented that much for his playing. He had only known Ashley a few hours and he really did like her. “Ok, we know Ashley’s favourite, how about you Isaac, you got anything you’d like us to have a go at?”

“How about _20th Century Boy_?”

“Yeah I can go with that. Ashley, ok by you?”

“Fine Tommy, we don’t want to outstay our welcome the first night.”

“I agree. If everything goes ok then we can always add songs later.”

“Guys your coffees are ready.”

“Thanks, be right over.” Tommy looked at his new colleagues and smiled. They would be ok. They only needed someone who could sing. Tommy thought about the voice he’d heard the previous day. It was someone, he thought, who was suffering a tragic loss.

“Tommy, you’re doing it again. Are you sure you’re ok?”

“Sorry Mike, yeah m’ok. Just something I heard yesterday.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“No, not just yet. Need to find out a bit more, then I’ll tell you.”

“Ok, just remember I’m here for you.”

“Thanks man, I appreciate that.” Tommy half smiled as he took his coffee from Mike.

Craig came through from his office. “Hey where’s mine?”

“In the coffee pot!”

“Thanks Mike wanna keep your job?” he laughed.

“Am too good at my job for ya to get rid of me, besides who’s gonna keep TJ here under control once you let the public loose on him!”

“Mmm see what you mean. Ok you can keep your job!”

The group of people laughed, although Tommy did try to pout, but it didn’t work. Coffee cup in hand, Craig joined the happy bunch.

“So, who’s going to tell me what my ears are going to be subjected to next week?”

Tommy explained each song and why they’d chosen a wide range of styles. He was going to see which the audience enjoyed more. He explained that if the crowd were concentrating on the band and the song then it was a winner. If they were chatting and drinking then he knew maybe to drop that style.

“Hey I want them to drink ya know?”

“Yeah, yeah and they will once we finish playing. I’m just saying you can tell what people like and don’t like by their habits.”

“Oh, ok. I’m just gonna have to trust you.”

“Yep. And it’s because ya love me too!” Tommy batted his eyes which had everyone in fits of giggles.

“Tommy Joe Ratliff you need to get laid, you’re too hyper.”

“Ew, too much information boys.” Ashley feigned shyness.

“Hey I told ya, m’fine, don’t need a man…or woman right now thanks.” Tommy laughed.

“Oh…you’re…” Ashley looked at the blond.

“Yeah Ashley I’m Bi. I hope it’s…”

“Wow…um…no…what I mean is I…shit, sorry Tommy.”

“Hey don’t be. I’m me, I don’t really agree with labels. I had a girlfriend but we didn’t agree on a lot of stuff. I’ve _fooled around_ with guys but nothing serious. Guess the right person hasn’t introduced themselves to me just yet.”

“You’ll find someone Tommy, I’m sure of it. You’re cute, sexy and a talented guitarist.”

Tommy blushed.

“Oh please Ashley don’t tell him that, his ego will be bigger this d…” Tommy slapped Mike across the back of the head. “OUCH!”

“Not sorry. Some things in my life are private, besides when did you ever see my dick?”

Ashley choked on her coffee.

“Hey ladies present boys, do you mind. I have delicate ears.”

“Oh Ashley D that you certainly don’t have. Your mind is further in the gutter than mine and Isaac’s together sometimes.” Craig interrupted.

“Thanks Craig was trying to make a good impression on TJ here. I can call you that?

“Yeah that’s fine. And you’ve already made a good impression on me, both of you have. You’re 2 very good musicians.”

“Thanks.” Chorused Ashley and Isaac.

“Now I have to get back to the books. If you want to sort out your rehearsal times that would be great, just let me know when you want to come in and I’ll let Johnny know to open up for you.”

“Thanks Craig.”

“No Tommy, thank you. I think this is going to be the best decision I’ve made. All we need now is a singer.” Craig left them and for the next hour they talked music, singers and rehearsals.

By the time Tommy was saying goodbye to his fellow bandmates it was 30 minutes until opening. All thoughts of playing great music and the mysterious singer had flown from Tommy’s head.

^V^

The next few days were a whirlwind of rehearsals and work and Tommy found he was loving every minute of the craziness that was his life. When he took the job in the bar he never dreamed he’d be playing his guitar _and_ getting paid for it. He’d had a huge grin on his face since meeting Ashley and Isaac and chatting to them about the songs they could play. Each of them said that things would be even better if they had a singer, but that would happen one day.

Tommy suddenly realised that it was Tuesday already and open mic night had arrived. He’d promised Craig that he’d keep a look out for someone who could sing that may want to join them on a Friday.

Tommy always chatted to the people who wanted to take part in the mic evenings and he was currently chatting to a young man about the styles of music they both liked.

“So how long have you been singing?” Tommy was being sneaky, he knew people would appreciate a group more with a singer than without.

“Um about 6 years. I…um started in college, a group of friends started a band and knew I could sing.”

“Sounds good, what were you thinking of doing tonight?”

“I…erm…well…I wanted to have a go at an Adam Lambert song. But I really don’t know which one.”

“Oh I know some of his. How about something like Aftermath, that works well with an acoustic guitar.”

“Sure, I could do that. It’s a sad time for his fans.”

“Oh, what do you mean?”

“He’s releasing one more album then there’s not going to be anymore.”

“Didn’t know that. My sister watched him on American Idol and was really into him for a while, that’s the only reason I know who he is. What’s the story behind the drop from the limelight?”

“Not really sure, press are just saying personal reasons.”

“Oh ok, perhaps we’ll find out one day.”

“Mmm, ok I’ll do Aftermath, good tribute to him, wherever he is.”

“Yeah great idea. Why don’t you go away and practice, I’ll see you around 7 tonight. Open mic starts at 8 so that’ll give us time to rehearse.”

“Thank you Tommy, I’m pleased my friends talked me into this. I wasn’t sure.”

“Hey, just go out there tonight and have fun. That’s what this evening’s all about.”

“Thank you, see you later.”

“Sure, see ya later.” Tommy watched the young man leave. He thought about what they’d talked about, he knew of Adam Lambert, and his sister had played most of the guys songs. Tommy hoped that he wasn’t quitting for good, he also hoped that whatever it was Adam would recover and hopefully sing again one day.

For the remainder of the day Tommy busied himself tidying the tables, then picking up his guitar he ran through the 4 songs he would be playing that night. With the exception of the young man singing Aftermath the other 3 had chosen heavy rock songs. He just hoped the crowd that night were kind to them. He felt sorry for those that tried their hardest and the audience decided they didn’t like them and heckled them until they embarrassed them off stage.

Exactly at 7 the young man arrived back to rehearse. They chatted about the key he would sing it in and after a couple of quiet starts Tommy just told him to go for it.

The young man, who Tommy found out was called Josh, said he was nervous in case they didn’t like him.

“Hey, remember that we’ve all been there, just go for it. You have a good voice, just don’t let the crowd intimidate you. I’ll be there with you.”

“Thank you. I hope I don’t let you down.”

“You won’t. Now go relax in the back room, there’s 2 to sing before you. Close your eyes and sing the song to yourself and I’ll come get you when it’s your turn.”

“Thank you for everything Tommy, I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah Josh see ya soon.” Tommy went to look for Craig. If he was right then this guy would be the perfect fit for their group. After his initial shaky start, Tommy realised the kid had a good voice. He had sung a couple of Queen songs as well and if Tommy was right he’d have a go at a wide range of songs.

“Hey Craig, sorry to bother you but I think I may have found a singer for us.”

“Oh, who?”

“A young man named Josh, he came in today and wanted to sing tonight. I’ve just finished rehearsing with him and he’s pretty good. Can you get Ashley and Isaac in to listen too. That way it’ll not just be my say so.” Tommy felt good about Josh. He’d seen a bit of himself in the young man. He remembered what he’d been like when he first decided music was going to play a big part in his life.

“Ok, I’ll call them. We’ll chat at the end of the night.”

“Great, thanks. I’d better go get the first guy, although don’t rate him much.”

“Thanks TJ, we may just have a good act for Friday night.”

“Yeah.” Tommy smiled and disappeared ready to take to the stage.

The first half of the night wasn’t a disaster but the crowd didn’t like the 2 singers and they’d only just managed to finish their song before the crowd was begging them to leave. Tommy announced there would be a short break. He went to find Josh who was waiting nervously in the back room.

“Hey Tommy, I’m ready.”

“Good, just having a break. You’ve got about 10 minutes before you’re on.”

“Ok.”

Tommy made his way back out onto the stage. He spotted Ashley first in the audience and smiled when their eyes met. Isaac was at the bar and acknowledged him too, just as Josh made his way onto the stage. Tommy played the intro and smiled at the young man.

He didn’t have to say anything, Josh seemed to lose himself in the song and to Tommy’s surprise the audience stopped talking and just listened to the singer. When the song was over a huge cheer went up from the crowd, Josh looked at Tommy and grinned.

Calling him over Tommy asked “want to do another one?”

“Wow…erm, but we’ve not rehearsed.?”

“No but name a song you like and I’ll see what I can do.”

“Oh, right…well do you know Mad World?”

“Funnily enough we’re doing that on Friday night, just been sorting out the arrangement for the Gary Jules version for guitar.”

“Oh can we do that version then, I like the Tears for Fears one but it’s a bit fast and I…”

“Sure we can do that.” Tommy looked across to Craig who smiled and nodded.

Tommy started playing and as Josh began to sing the crowd were quiet again. Once he’d finished everyone cheered and Craig made his way to the stage.

“Tommy, please introduce me to this wonderful singer.”

Tommy laughed. “K, Craig this is Josh. Josh this is Craig the owner of the club.”

They shook hands. “Wow Josh you have a great voice.”

“Thank you. Is there something wrong?”

“Oh no, look why don’t we go to my office I have a proposition for you.”

Tommy watched the young man follow his boss and friend, then sought out Ashley and Isaac.

“Wow TJ he was good.”

“Yeah I think we may just have found our singer for our group.”

“Looks like you may be right.” Isaac pointed to the far side of the club just as Craig and Josh emerged from the office. Josh had a huge grin on his face.

The pair made their way to Tommy and his friends, Craig smiling when he told them Josh would be joining their group.

“This calls for a celebration.” Tommy ordered drinks for everyone and for the remainder of the night they discussed what they were performing on Friday.

Leaving the club with the buzz of looking forward to rehearsing the following day, Tommy made his way home. He thought back to what he’d heard the previous week when he’d visited his dad. The voice he’d heard had also been singing _Mad World_. Was it a coincidence that he’d decided to put it in their set, or was his sub conscious playing tricks on him? Did he want to find out more about the mysterious singer or should he leave it alone? He decided that if he heard anything when he visited his dad this week he would see who it was.

Wednesday flew past in a blur of rehearsing, eating and generally having a good time. If Josh had thanked Tommy once he’d thanked him a dozen times for helping him in getting his dream job. Tommy laughed thinking the young man was like an over active playful puppy.

The rehearsals went well and by the end of the day they were all ready for their debut on Friday.

“So Tommy what time are we rehearsing tomorrow?”

“Sorry Ashley m’not available tomorrow, got prior engagement.”

“Oh anyone we know?”

“Nah, I go visit my dad every Thursday.”

“Oh that’s nice, does he live far away?”

Tommy hadn’t told many people what he did. Mike and Craig knew but other than his mom and sister, he’d told no-one else. “No he’s in Burbank.” Tommy looked down.

“Hey Tommy, you ok?”

“Yeah, sorry Ashley, I’ve um…not told many people this so I’d be grateful if you didn’t say anything.”

“Sure Tommy what is it?”

Tommy explained where he went and why.

“I’m so sorry TJ, I can’t imagine how difficult that must be for you.”

“It’s not as bad as in the beginning, I just feel closer to him when I tell him what I’ve been doing. Some people will probably think I’m crazy.”

“Hey let them. We all deal with grief in our own way. I think what you do is lovely.”

“Thanks Ashley.” He hugged her and then they went back over the set list before saying goodnight.

Craig had given Tommy the night off, Mike was covering for him.

“Hey TJ, say hi to your dad for me.”

“Will do Mike thanks. See you Friday.”

“Yeah man, take care, see ya Friday.”

Tommy picked his guitar up waved and headed home.

tbc


	2. Chapter 2

Tommy managed several hours sleep. Possibly the longest he’d slept for a very long time. He felt good. His life was starting to go in the right direction. He laughed to himself, he could just hear his mom say to him that all he needed now was someone in his life that he could love and who loved him. _One day mom, one day I’ll find him or her_. As he’d said numerous times he wasn’t in a hurry.

Climbing out of bed he sneaked a look through the curtains at the glorious day. It felt chilly but the sun was shining. He would shower then go see his dad, he had a lot to tell him.

As he stood under the hot spray, his thoughts drifted again to the sad voice he’d heard the previous week. Tommy was on a high still after the rehearsals and finding Josh and hoped if his dad had still been here he would have been happy for him.

Picking up his jacket and guitar he headed out. As he got into his car his immediate thought was the soulful voice and little bit of him hoped that whoever it belonged to would be at the cemetery today. _Come on Ratliff, you have to stop thinking about him, he’s there for a reason, one that you know nothing about_. But Tommy felt some of the guys sorrow, he felt it every time he visited his dad.

Normally he listened to his music on the way, but he didn’t feel like it today. He hummed _Mad World_ to himself, pleased that no-one could hear him, he definitely wasn’t a singer.

As he pulled into his parking space, _His_! It seemed like an unspoken agreement that the _regulars_ always parked in the same spot.

Untangling himself from the drivers’ seat, he saw one of the regular visitors and nodded to her in greeting. As he was carefully extracting his guitar from the back seat he sensed a presence beside him. When he looked it was the elderly woman whom he’d just acknowledged.

“Good morning young man.”

“Oh, erm good morning. Is…um…is there something wrong?”

“Oh no, not now.”

“I’m sorry but I don’t…”

“No, let me explain.”

Tommy looked curiously at the woman.

“Young man, I have been visiting my husband for several weeks now and I’ve often wondered who it was playing guitar and singing.”

“Oh I’m sorry, if you…”

“Please young man, can I explain?” Tommy nodded. “I always felt an emptiness when I came here. Until I heard you, your playing is beautiful and whoever you are visiting must be so proud of you. And your voice…”

“I’m sorry ma’am, but I’m not the one singing.”

“Oh.”

“Firstly, thank you, I’m pleased you like listening to me play. I visit my dad, who I hope is proud of me. Secondly I thought I was imagining the singing.”

“Oh no young man you’re definitely not imagining it.”

“I’ve been trying to find out who it is. It sounds so sad. Oh and my name is Tommy.”

“Well Tommy thank you for making an old woman smile again. I hope you find out who the young man is who sings. If you do will you thank him for me. He may be very sad, but your playing and his singing sure do make my visits a little better.”

Tommy blushed, “thank you, I’m pleased that I’m able to help. It helps me when I visit dad.”

“Please don’t stop playing. I know there are a couple of others who visit that like hearing you play. I’ve not spoken to them personally, it’s just what I’ve overheard.”

“Wow, thank you. And if I find out who the singer is I’ll make sure I tell him.”

“You’re an amazing young man Tommy, I would have been so proud to have you as my son and I know my Derek would have loved you too.”

“Thank you Mrs…?”

“Mrs Griffiths, Marion Griffiths.”

“Thank you Mrs Griffiths. I promise the song I play today will also be for you and your husband.” Tommy smiled.

“Oh thank you. Now, I had better let you get on, I don’t want to make you late with your visit.”

“Take care of yourself and I’ll let you know if I find out anything about our mystery singer.”

“Take care of yourself Tommy.” And she walked off.

Tommy watched Marion Griffiths walk away. He had a huge grin on his face, pleased that he was helping someone in their sad time. Now all he had to do was find the singer.

As he walked towards where his father was, he listened carefully for the voice, but there was nothing. He felt a little disappointed. _Stop it Tommy Joe, it’s a voice, you don’t know anything about him, why are you so bothered about finding him?_

Tommy’s legs took him to his father and with one more look around he sat down, eager to tell his dad about everything that had happened.

^V^

Adam had been sitting with Alex for the last hour. He’d not said a word, just held the rose a little longer and kissed it before placing it down on the headstone. Things were a little more difficult today, it was exactly 4 months since Alex had taken his own life and not for the first time in all that time, Adam had thought about doing the same. He just wanted to be with his lover again. What was stopping him he didn’t know? Every time he’d chosen a way to end the pain and suffering something had happened and stopped him.

Today he’d brought vodka and pills with him and he was currently setting out the pills one by one in front of him.

“Hey baby, I’m here again. Wow, it’s been a crazy week. I finally sold our house, I’m living in an apartment now. I couldn’t bear to stay in our home. I’m going to be with you again soon, see, I’ve brought…” He looked at the pills lined up like soldiers waiting for inspection. “Well you really don’t need to know how, just know that I’ll be with you again soon.”

Adam opened the bottle of vodka then picked up one of the pills. He placed it on his tongue and was about to take a mouthful of the clear liquid when he heard a guitar playing. Spitting the pill out and placing the bottle on the ground, he listened. Whoever was playing was very good and they were playing a song he knew very well.

Tears welled in his eyes as he began humming along with the music.

Tommy sat down, he was still smiling after his encounter with Mrs Griffiths.

“Hey dad, wow what a week I’ve had. Remember I told you I was meeting mom and Lisa last week? Well true to form Lisa tried to set me up on a date with our waitress.” Tommy giggled, “she means well dad, but m’not ready for another relationship, not yet, and…well I don’t know if I’ll ever be happy with a girl. I may be happier with a guy. I know that’s difficult for you to understand, but this is me and I feel so much happier admitting that. But you don’t want to hear about my love life. My work is amazing at the moment. I told you we’ve got a new band and we’re being paid, well we now have a singer. Found him Tuesday night and he’s great. Loves all types of music and he’s the only one who’s done 2 songs on open mic where the audience were silent. I feel really good about this. I’m finally doing what I love.

Ok dad enough of me chatting, m’gonna play you a song. We’re doing it tomorrow night. I hope you like what I’ve done with the arrangement. We were going to play the faster version but this song sounds a great deal better slowed down. Josh, oh sorry, that’s our singer, well he sings _Mad World_ beautifully and he just blew us away. So I’ll stop talking now and just play.” Tommy picked up his baby and started playing, oblivious to the audience he had. Tommy lost himself in playing, going from one song to another.

Adam didn’t know when his humming had changed to singing, but he found himself singing the words to _Mad World_. Then the music changed to one of his own. His breath hitched as the opening notes of Aftermath echoed through the air. The tears continued to run down his cheeks as he sang along with it. _Who knew his songs? Why was this person playing his song?_ He began singing.

 

Have you lost your way?  
Living in the shadow of the messes that you made  
And so it goes  
Everything inside your circle stats to overflow.

 

Take a step before you leap  
Into the colours that you seek  
You get back what you give away  
So don’t look back on yesterday.

 

He was so focused on the song he didn’t realise the guitar playing had stopped.

Tommy changed effortlessly from Mad World into Aftermath, he loved playing it on Tuesday night, but he stopped he could hear singing. His playing continued quietly at first but he was so enthralled with the voice he needed to listen, needed to find the voice. As he moved carefully from his fathers’ headstone he tried not to make too much noise, he didn’t want to alert the singer and scare him off.

Placing his guitar on the ground he quickly headed in the direction of the singing. The voice was getting louder so Tommy knew he was moving in the right direction.  
The man had an amazing voice and Tommy wondered if he was a professional singer and how did he know this song?

Tommy arrived at the clump of bushes he’d passed the other day and crouched down. Whoever was singing was just on the other side. He gently stood so he could see around the trees, his breath taken away by the beautiful dark haired man sitting before a headstone singing but with tears running down his cheeks.

Tommy also noticed the bottle of vodka and pills in front of the man. This was someone who was hurting badly and Tommy knew he had to do something to help. He couldn’t see this man throw away his life, but how he was going to do it he didn’t know, all he did know was the man was gorgeous.

^V^

Adam reached the end of the song and listened. The guitar playing had stopped, he wiped the tears from his face and went to stand up.

Tommy was so enthralled with the man’s singing he’d forgotten to stay behind the bush. As Adam stood it broke the spell Tommy was under and he realised he’d have to do something or he would be seen. As he went to turn to go back behind the bush he tripped over his own foot.

“FUCK!”

Slapping a hand over his mouth once he realised he’d spoken out loud, he picked himself up, coming face to face with the dark haired man.

“Who are you and why were you spying on me?”

“For starters I wasn’t spying on you, and my name’s Tommy.”

“If you weren’t spying, why were… _are_ you hiding behind this bush?”

“I um…well…” Tommy looked into the beautiful but extremely sad blue eyes.

“So, come on, explain yourself.”

“Look I’m sorry…ok. I was visiting my dad and was playing my guitar and…”

“That was you?”

“Yeah it was me. Well as I said I was…”

“How do you know that last song you played?”

“What…oh you mean…erm After…”

“Yeah Aftermath. How do you know it?” Adam didn’t want to give too much away but he wanted to know why this blond man was playing _his_ song.

“Whoa hang on a minute. Firstly I’m sorry I disturbed you, but when I heard you singing I wanted to see who it was. Secondly it’s not the first time I’ve heard you. Finally you have a beautiful voice even if…”

“STOP!” Adam looked at Tommy. “I’m sorry for snapping at you, it’s just not many people know that song.”

“Look, I’m sorry for disturbing you, I really only wanted to see who it was who had such a beautiful but sad voice. I’ll go, I’m sure…”

“Wait…please.” Adam was intrigued by the tiny blond. “Will you tell me how you know that song…please.”

Tommy watched as the dark haired man’s shoulders slumped, he really did have a heavy weight on him, he looked so sad and he wanted to try to ease some of that sadness, and the man was gorgeous too. Tommy shook his head. Here was a man who was clearly hurting and he was beginning to imagine holding him and telling him everything would be alright, he even imagined kissing him. _Whoa there Ratliff too much too soon_. He took a deep breath.

“Ok, my name is Tommy Joe Ratliff and I play guitar on Tuesdays and Fridays at Bar 39. The rest of the week I’m the barman and general dogsbody.” Tommy half smiled, “Tuesdays is open mic night and we had a guy this week sing that song and he blew us away with it. He’s now our resident singer for a Friday night. All I know about it is it’s called Aftermath and Josh, that’s the singer, wanted to try something by Adam Lambert. I told him that one wasn’t too difficult to do on the acoustic guitar.

“What do you know about Adam Lambert?” Adam hoped this pretty blond, yeah he was pretty, didn’t know too much about him.

“Well not much really. He’s releasing an album very soon which we’ve found out is going to be his last one for a while due to personal reasons. But other than that, not much else, why?”

“It’s…um…my partner, he well he liked him and well we used to listen to his songs a lot. And well when you began playing it… it brought back some memories.” Adam looked over at the headstone being guarded by the pills and vodka. As he turned back to Tommy he saw something sad in the man’s eyes.

“I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m here visiting my dad, I find it helps if I talk to him. You see I never got to do that much when he was alive. There were things I was afraid to tell him for fear of him hating me. But by the time I plucked up courage it was…well too late.”

“I’m so sorry Tommy. I have that right don’t I?” Tommy nodded. “I’m well…I’m visiting Alex he’s…sorry was my beautiful boyfriend.” Adam took a deep breath and wiped away a stray tear.

“Hey look I’m the one who should be sorry for disturbing you. Me and my big feet.” Tommy smiled then looked past the gorgeous man to the pills and vodka.

Adam noticed his gaze and followed the blonds eyes. Looking at his feet as he spoke. “I’m not doing too well. I um…”

“I can see that. Look tell me to mind my own business, but whatever it is I’m sure doing something like that is not the answer. I’m not asking you to tell me, all I’m saying is, that isn’t the way out. I’m sure if Alex…” Tommy paused and saw the man in front of him nod slightly, “well I’m sure Alex would say the same. I’ve been on the verge of doing something similar and if it hadn’t been for my friends…well…” Tommy locked eyes with…he didn’t even know his name.

“I’m not in the best of places Tommy and well my so called friends have just told me to pull myself together and get on with my life.”

“I’m sorry if this sounds blunt, but they’re not your friends.”

“I’m beginning to realise that, but there is no one else. My family have been amazing, but they have their own lives to lead, so I…well I thought that would be a way to be with Alex again. But strangely enough each time I’ve…well each time something or someone has stopped me, often without realising it, pretty much as you did today.” Adam didn’t know why but he was finding it easy to talk to the tiny blond.

“I’m glad then that my big feet got in the way. Someone with a voice as amazing as yours shouldn’t be quietened. Do you sing professionally?”

Adam had to think quickly, he couldn’t take Tommy finding out who he really was. “No, I don’t sing professionally. I’m…I’m a designer.”

“Oh, of what?”

“Interior designer.” He had re-designed his and Alex’s home, so he knew a bit about it.

“Wow, that must be interesting?”

“Just starting out. It was mine and Alex’s dream to start our own business, but…”

“Hey look, I’m sorry for being nosey.”

“No Tommy, to be honest it’s been nice chatting to you.” Adam smiled.

Tommy had to look down at his feet, yes he was slightly embarrassed, but that smile sent messages to parts of him that shouldn’t be in on the conversation.

“Thank you Tommy Joe Ratliff.”

“What for?”

“Listening to me. You’re the first person for a long time that hasn’t judged me when…” he pointed to the pills and vodka.

“Look I’m here every Thursday _chatting_ with my dad and I work every day at Bar 39, so if you want to chat some more…well…you know where to find me.”

“I may just do that, thank you.” Adam held a hand out for Tommy to shake.

As their fingers touched Tommy felt something weave its way through him. He let go, he really shouldn’t be having those thoughts about this man.

“Look I really must go retrieve my guitar, I don’t want anyone to take it, my dad bought me it many years ago.”

“Oh I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have kept you talking.”

“No I’m pleased we talked, will you do something for me?”

“Sure…if I can.”

“Will you pour that vodka away and bin those pills. They’re not the answer.”

Adam smiled slightly. “Yeah, I will. Thank you Tommy for saving me.”

“Hey it’s part of the service at Bar 39. Look why don’t you come tomorrow night, have a listen to our band and I’ll even buy you a drink.”

“Oh I’m sorry, I’ve got to go out of town for a few days.”

“Oh ok, well some other time then?” Tommy felt a little disappointed.

“Why don’t we talk some more next Thursday, I’m here every week too.” Adam found he wanted to know more about the beautiful blond. _Whoa Lambert what are you thinking? What about Alex?_

Tommy smiled, “sure, that sounds like a plan.”

“Good, and thank you again.”

“No worries.” Tommy turned to go back to his dad. “Oh…um you know my name, I…erm…sorry but I don’t know your name.”

“Oh yeah, sorry it’s…” Adam didn’t want to give his real name, he didn’t want Tommy knowing who he was, so he said the first thing that came into his head. “It’s Mitchel Adams.”

“Well Mitchel, same time and place next week.” He walked off.

Adam watched as he went, then going back to Alex…

“Hey baby, I’m sorry for leaving you for a while there. I’ve just met a lovely guy. He stopped me from doing something silly. I know I said I wanted to be with you but he has a point. Oh I can’t explain it yet, but I do know I’ll be back here next week. I hope you don’t mind but…” he reached out to stroke Alex’s photo, “I’m going to chat to him again. I haven’t told him who I am, he doesn’t need to know that. I love you baby and I always will. It’s just Tommy, that’s his name, is the first person not to judge me in a very long time.” Adam picked up the bottle and emptied the contents onto the grass, the pills he put back in the bottle and put that in his pocket.

Standing, he looked around to see if he could see the blond, but he must have gone home. “I will see you next week baby, don’t forget I love you.” He kissed his fingers then placed them over Alex’s photo.

As he left the cemetery he felt some relief and for the first time in 4 months he didn’t hide his face under his hood.

^V^

As Tommy drove home he smiled to himself. He’d finally found out who the amazing voice belonged to but he remembered the sad look on the guy’s face as he talked about his boyfriend who he’d had to say goodbye to. Tommy wondered if it had been the same as his father of if…no if he was the gorgeous man’s boyfriend he would want to be with him always.

Tommy hit the brake. _What the fuck are you thinking Tommy? You can’t think of him in that way. The guy is hurting, he’s missing his lover and you want to get into his pants? But he is a gorgeous man and if I can help him by allowing him to talk then that will be enough_.

Tommy put his car into gear and drove the remainder of the journey hoping that Mitchel would be there next week.

Friday began with a text from Ashley **Hey TJ, what time we meeting today?**

Tommy groaned he’d taken a bottle of Jack to bed with him. He’d only planned on having a couple but he got so engrossed in the arrangement for Mad World, tweaking it here and there, then repeatedly playing Aftermath, he’d drunk half the bottle before he realised.

Picking up his phone he answered Ashley. **Hey Ash, just dragging myself to the shower. Wanna meet around 11 at the bar. Want to go through Mad World again, tweaked it a bit. Can you please let Isaac and Josh know**.

He threw the phone on the bed and crawled out from underneath the duvet. His head felt like a woodpecker had taken up residence and was making his home bigger. He’d not drunk so much like that since…well for a long time. Reaching for the painkillers he kept in his bedside drawer he flipped the lid and spilled 2 out into his hand. He was about to swallow them when he remembered all the bright white pills Mitchel had lined up the previous day. He hoped he’d managed to convince him not to take them.

His phone buzzing again shook him into moving. Quickly swallowing the pills he smiled at Ashley’s message. **Sure I can call them, hope you’re not showering on your own. See you soon. Love ya xx**

Tommy just sent a smiley face, they could think whatever they wanted with that answer.

Slowly taking himself to the bathroom, his head wouldn’t allow any quick movement, he emptied his bladder then turned on the shower. He needed to get rid of the pounding in his head before Isaac was let loose on the drums. He hummed the songs they would be playing that night, laughing at the thought of the lovely Mrs Griffiths thinking it had been him singing. He stopped washing his hair, every thought he’d had this morning had brought him back to Mr Adams. Tommy had to admit the guy was gorgeous, his eyes were beautiful and you could lose yourself in them. But that smile, even though it didn’t reach the guy’s eyes, it did things to Tommy that really shouldn’t have happened.

Stopping the water, he reached for his towel and after wrapping it around his waist he made his way back to his bedroom. As he sat on the bed the image of the tall dark haired man flashed across his mind. _You are a beautiful man Mitchel Adams, but I sense there’s a lot more about you that you’re not telling me_. Tommy knew it was probably wrong but he was looking forward to next Thursday.

^V^

Adam let himself into his apartment. Something had changed this afternoon and although he felt scared he also felt that maybe things were getting better. The blond guy, Tommy Joe, he had something to do with it.

After the blond had left him, Adam had toyed with the idea of drinking the vodka, but he’d made a promise to the petit man that he would get rid of it and after he’d gone back to Alex he realised that Tommy had been right, there was no way out by taking the pills. His way out of his darkness would be to take one day at a time and if Tommy was prepared to listen then he’d chat to him again.

Picking up the last photograph that was taken of himself and Alex, he took it through to the kitchen. Placing it on the counter he poured himself a glass of water then sat and smiled at the pair of them at the fairground. Not surprisingly he began chatting to the picture.

“Hey baby. Well I didn’t do it, I’m sorry, I was going to but as I told you earlier a really nice guy stopped me. I know I said I wanted to be with you but Tommy…well he made sense in what he said. He told me you wouldn’t want me to do that and I don’t know how he knew but you wouldn’t have wanted it…would you? I’m going to take each day as it comes and not plan too far ahead. I’ve moved into my apartment, the house is nearing completion so I’ll have plenty to live on. I meant what I said about not recording any more. I lost you through that so I don’t want anything more to do with the industry. Although I’m going to have to be careful, Tommy heard me singing Aftermath. I had to tell him we used to listen to my music. I didn’t even tell him my real name. Was I wrong in doing that?”

Adam sighed and looked at the pair of them, happy in the photograph. A tall dark haired man with his arms wrapped around a smaller blond haired man. Adam had fallen in love almost immediately with Alex. They’d met on one of Adam’s trips to London. Alex was smaller than Adam in height but his personality was huge. His eyes were the most gorgeous brown and Adam lost himself in them when he looked at his lover. They’d been introduced at a party and by the end of the evening they were inseparable and to no-one’s surprise they’d left together.

They’d gone back to LA and Adam had introduced Alex to his family who had fallen in love with him almost as much as Adam had. Alex had been reluctant to tell his family about Adam because he’d not told them he was gay. That was why he was in London, he’d explained to Adam that he’d always known he was different, but his parents had wanted so much for him he was afraid if he’d told them they’d kick him out. Adam had finally gone with him and his parents had cried, said they suspected but wanted Alex to confirm it. They also told him they loved him no matter what.

Since that moment Adam and Alex knew they wanted to be together forever and had moved in with each other. Adam was going to propose to his lover once his new album was released, but he never got the chance.

Adam looked at the photo again and instead of thinking about Alex he thought about another blond he’d met that day. He shook his head, _Lambert he is not Alex, you need to be careful_. But he couldn’t get Tommy Joe out of his mind. “Oh baby, I love you, I will never stop loving you, but I think Tommy will be a good friend. I wish you could tell me you don’t mind, that I have your blessing to get to know him more.” Adam placed his glass back on the counter as his phone buzzed. Picking it up he saw it was a message from his mom. **Hey sweetie, just checking in to make sure you’re ok today. I know it’s a tough day for you. I’m here for you sweetheart. I love you**.

Adam smiled he loved his family, they knew when to stay away and they knew when to let him know they were there for him.

**Hey mom, yeah I’m ok. Went to see Alex and I think I’ve finally turned a corner. Can we meet up for a chat, I need your advice**.

He looked at the message before he hit send. He wanted to talk to someone about a certain blond he’d met that day and ask her if she thought he was doing the right thing. He pressed send.

He didn’t have to wait long. **Sure sweetie you know I’ll meet with you any time you want, name the place, day and time and I’ll be there**.

As his phone buzzed in answer the photograph of them both fell over causing Adam to jump. Was that a sign that Alex was ok with him talking to Tommy? _Don’t be stupid Lambert, it was just the vibration from your phone knocking it over._ He picked up the frame, righted it on the counter then read his mom’s reply.

Smiling he asked his mom to meet him at Lamill Coffee Boutique on Silver Lake Boulevard at 2 the following day.

She’d replied she’d see him there. He thought back to Tommy and how he’d made the excuse of being out of town when the blond had asked him to go to Bar 39. He’d not had anyone ask him to go somewhere for a very long time and he’d felt nervous, hence the excuse. He knew he had to get on with his own life, albeit different to his previous one and maybe being friends with Tommy was the way to go. He would talk to his mom about it the following day. She always knew what to say to help him.

Getting up to put his glass in the sink he realised it was getting late and for once he was feeling tired. He’d not been sleeping well. Taking his weary body through to his bedroom he stripped and climbed under the duvet. For the first time in 4 months he fell asleep straight away.

^V^

When Tommy arrived at Bar 39 the rest were waiting for him.

“Morning TJ, so ya gonna spill who you were with last night? Who kept you in your bed this morning?”

“What?...No. I was on my own. I…hang on why should I…”

“Come on TJ you sounded as though…”

“Ashely, I went to bed last night on my own, I took Jack Daniels with me, so he was the one to send me to sleep. Besides I was tweaking the arrangement of Mad World.”

“You’re serious aren’t you?”

“Yeah Ash I am.” Tommy smiled, but he got to thinking, he should have someone in his life other than _Jack_.

Ashley was watching Tommy and she thought that his smile was beautiful but there was something missing, something that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

Tommy needed to get the rehearsals underway. “Right, enough of who I spent the night with, let’s get these rehearsals and sound checks sorted. The sooner we do that the quicker you can go relax and I can do my day job.”

“Oh not today Tommy.”

“Why, what’s…”

“Tommy you’re working tonight you should relax with the rest of the band.”

“But…I…my bar job, what…”

“I had a think yesterday and I came to the conclusion you’ll probably play better if you had the day to relax.” Craig saw the look on Tommy’s face. “Don’t worry TJ your wages will still be the same, plus I’m paying you extra for performing tonight. So don’t worry.”

“Wow, um thanks Craig.”

“My pleasure, if this takes off I’m thinking of expanding it to another night too. Would you be up for that?”

“Wow, would I? But I can’t speak for…” Tommy pointed towards Ashley, Isaac and Josh. Craig looked at them, they all agreed, all chatting at once.

“Ok, ok. I get it, you would be up for it.” Craig laughed. “I’ll leave you to get on. Let me know when you’re done and I’ll buy you all a coffee.”

“Thanks Craig.” Tommy turned to the others, “come on then let’s sort this out.”

“Tommy!”

“Mmm?”

“You ok?”

“Yeah Ash why?”

“Oh just something that flashed across your eyes earlier.”

“I’m ok Ashley, honest. My dreams are starting to come true, don’t get me wrong I couldn’t be happier, it’s just…well I wish dad was here to listen.”

Ashley pulled Tommy into a hug. “Aw TJ, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.”

“I know, and thank you for caring, not when I haven’t known you very long.”

“Hey we’re family now. A mixed bunch, but family.”

Tommy hugged her back, then kissed her cheek.

Whispering she said, “whoever falls in love with you will be one very lucky man…or woman.”

“Thank you but I’m…”

“So you keep telling us, but one day TJ, one day.”

Josh walked in “Oh um sorry didn’t mean to…”

Tommy and Ashley laughed, “not a problem, just 2 friends sharing a hug. Besides where did you disappear to?”

“Oh I went to ring my mom, she’s coming to watch tonight.”

“Great, she’ll have a fantastic time.”

“Not sure, I’m trying to convince her I’m doing the right thing.”

“Oh yeah, I know all about that. Tell you what, once this rehearsal’s over we’ll all sit down and tell our _sob stories_ of how our parents didn’t think we were good enough.”

Josh smiled “So all of you…”

“Yep.” They chorused and laughed.

Mike watched his best friend from the bar and saw Tommy having a great time. He also saw something else. He’d known Tommy too long not to notice when there was something bothering him. He’d wait until they’d finished rehearsing then he’d talk to him.

The rehearsal and sound check went better than anyone could have imagined and by lunchtime they were sitting around a table drinking coffee.

“So Josh what you gonna do for the rest of the afternoon?”

“Thought I might go do some shopping, need something to wear tonight, especially if my mom’s coming.”

“Well don’t get anything too smart, don’t want you out dressing the rest of us.”

“Nah, gonna get some new jeans and a couple of t-shirts.”

“Phew, thought you were gonna say suit.” Tommy feigned a shudder. “Don’t do suits, except for weddings and funerals.” He stopped himself, bit too close to home that one.

“Hey Tommy Joe, it’s ok ya know.”

“What is?”

“To be thinking about your dad.”

“I’m sorry guys, I miss him, and making jokes like that really hits it home.”

Mike saw the sadness on his friends face. “Ok Tommy, time we weren’t here.”

“What d’ya mean Mike, thought you were working?”

“Craig’s given me the afternoon off, told me to go have fun. And I choose to have fun with my best mate Tommy Joe. So…come on, let’s go.”

“Where we going?”

“Your place, it’s closer than mine, I’ve got food ordered ready to pick up on the way and a couple of cans.”

“But…”

“No buts Tommy, come on.”

Mike stood dragging Tommy up with him. He was going to get to the bottom of his friends far-away look if it was the last thing he did.

Saying goodbye to the others arranging to meet them back at the club at 6, he followed Mike out to his car.

“So are you gonna tell me why we’re heading to mine and not staying to have a drink at the bar.”

“We need to talk.”

“Um…what about?”

“What’s eating you.”

“M’fine.”

“Don’t give me that shit Ratliff, I’ve known you too long. There is something going on in that tiny little head of yours and if you don’t talk to someone about it, it’s gonna make you fuck up tonight and I know you don’t want that.”

“I’m ok, there’s nothing…”

“We’ll see Tommy, now how does Taco’s sound?”

“Perfect, you know me too well Nash.”

“Yeah I know and that’s why we’re going to chat.”

Tommy groaned.

They drove to the take away in silence. Mike hoping it wasn’t anything too serious with Tommy, and Tommy wondering what he was going to tell Mike. Did he tell him about Mitchel or did he try to convince him it was something to do with his dad.

They pulled up at the Taco bar. “Go on you’re paying!” Mike elbowed Tommy.

“What the fuck Nash, your idea, you pay.”

“Forgot my wallet, it’s still behind the bar.”

“Cheeky fucker. K, but next time it’s your turn.” Tommy was laughing as he climbed out of the car.

Mike watched him. _You are going to tell me TJ I’ll make sure of that_.

Mike was deep in his own thoughts when Tommy got back in. “Mmm these smell so good. Thanks man.”

“Mmm what?”

“Now who’s thinking too much? I said, these smell good.”

“Oh yeah, we’d better get to yours before they go cold.” Mike put his car in gear and headed towards Tommy’s.

They’d been sat eating for a good 30 minutes when Mike decided to come right out and say what was on his mind.

“Ok TJ, enough. You’re going to tell me what’s eating you and I’m not moving until you spill.”

“Well I’m eating amazing Taco’s.”

“Thomas Joseph Ratliff, cut the crap and talk to me.”

“What do you want me to tell you?”

“You’ve had that far-away look all day and don’t you dare give me any shit that it’s because you wish your dad were here. I’ve heard that all before and yeah I know it’s hard but you said yourself you’re ok with it. No Ratliff there’s something else.”

Tommy sighed. “You know me too well Mike. If I tell you will you promise not to judge me?”

“What? Hey we’ve gone through lots of crazy shit together give me one time when I’ve judged you.”

“K, get your point. Alright…” Tommy took a deep breath, a long gulp from his can, looked at his best friend, then began his story.

When he’d finished Mike just stared at him.

“So…um…aren’t you gonna say anything?”

“Wow, you actually stopped him from taking those pills?”

“I’m hoping so. He did say he’d see me next week to chat.”

“Good on ya Tommy.”

“Is that all ya gonna say?”

“What do you want me to say?”

“Well some advice on what I should do next.”

“You did say you were going to talk.”

“But do you think I’m wrong in thinking about him all the time?”

“No, you’re worried about him so why shouldn’t you be thinking about him unless…unless, oh Tommy you _like_ him don’t you?”

Tommy blushed and looked down at the cold food on his plate.

“Tommy don’t go silent on me.”

Tommy looked up, “yeah Mike I do. He’s the most beautiful man I’ve seen for a very long time. I…” The blond took another deep breath. “Fuck…I’ve imagined what it would be like to hold him, tell him everything is going to be ok. Shit I’ve even wondered what it would be like to kiss him.”

“Oh man, you are in trouble aren’t you?”

“Gee thanks Mike, thought you were gonna help me?”

“M’sorry TJ. Ok, let’s think about this logically.”

“Nnngh, always hate it when you say that.”

“Thanks mate. But seriously you can’t go wading in with both feet.”

“Don’t ya think I know that? I spent last night telling myself all I was thinking about him was wrong. He’s just lost his boyfriend, he’s hurting and…”

“And he probably needs a friend he can talk to.”

“Mmm he did say his _friends_ weren’t being much help.”

“There ya go. When you visit your dad next week go see if he’s there and offer him your ears to listen if he wants. Don’t go blazing in asking him questions.”

“Duh! As if I…”

“Yeah, yeah, ok. Tell him where you’ll be if he ever wants to talk. That way he’ll know you’re not prying.”

“So Mr Nash tell me, when did you become so wise?”

“Oh, only when I can see my best friend overthinking things and when he admits to having a crush on some cute guy he’s only met once.”

“Hey, m’not some silly teenager with a crush, I’m 32 years old”

“You may be 32 but you do have a crush.”

Tommy smiled, “well maybe just a little one.”

“I’m pleased for ya TJ, be his friend, listen to him, be there for him and take each day as it arrives.”

Tommy got up, walked around the kitchen counter and hugged his friend.

“Whoa, what’s that for?”

“Listening to me go on about a beautiful man I’ve met, and not judged me.”

“Hey m’always here for ya, that’s what friends are for.”

“Thanks man.” Tommy looked at his watch, “shit, we need to go, don’t want our first gig failing before we’ve even begun.”

“Come on then Rockstar let’s get you to your audience. And Tommy…”

“Mmmm”

“Anytime you wanna talk about this Mitchel Adams guy, you know where I am.”

Tommy smiled which Mike noticed did finally reach his friends eyes.

“Thanks, let’s go.”

Mike watched as Tommy picked up his guitar, _I hope you find what you’re looking for._ Mike unlocked his car and they drove back to the club in companionable silence.

^V^

Adam was running late as always and when he arrived at Lamill he noticed his mom’s car was already in the parking lot. He smiled to himself he was late for everything and his mom had told him he’d never change. Yeah she was right although he was always on time when he visited Alex. Then there was that other blond guy, what was he going to do about Tommy? Should he be thinking about another man so soon? What does he want from their relationship? _Hang on Lambert, there is no relationship, you’ve spoken to him once, you’ve said you may chat again. He said if I needed a friend… Every time I think about Alex do I end up thinking about Tommy and his beautiful brown eyes_. Aaargh! He needed to talk about this and he knew he’d asked the right person, his mom would listen without interruption then she’d tell him what she thought. And more often than not she’d be right and he just wanted his thoughts and actions confirming. She’d been the first one he told about proposing to Alex and she couldn’t have been happier. Now he was going to ask her about Tommy Joe. Yeah he was doing the right thing.

Parking opposite his mom, he got out and headed to the coffee shop, feeling some of the weight he’d been carrying on his shoulders begin to lift.

As he entered the coffee shop he saw his mom in an alcove towards the rear. She waved him over, she knew he would be wary of being recognised, that’s why she’d chosen that one. He loved his mom.

“Hey sweetie, I’d say what kept you, but I’m used to your being late.”

“Hey mom, yeah sorry, couldn’t decide what to wear.”

“You Adam, are worse than I am when it comes to deciding on your clothes.” They laughed just as a waiter approached them.

“Good Afternoon Sir, Madam, what can I get you both?” He handed over the menu.

“Could you give us 5 minutes whilst we decide?”

“Sure Sir, just ask for Chris and I’ll be with you.”

“Thank you.” Adam watched as Chris went to serve another table.

“Adam Mitchel Lambert are you checking out that guys arse?”

“Mom! Please. No. I was…”

Giggles erupted from both of them causing a couple of other patron’s stare at them.

“Mom, sshh please, don’t want to cause a stir. I really do need to talk to you.”

“Sounds serious sweetie.”

“Yeah it is, kinda.”

“Ok let’s order then we can talk. And for the record it’s a) nice to see you laughing and b) it’s also nice to see you checking out guys again.”

Adam blushed, “He’s so not my type, but mmm I agree he does have a cute arse.”

Leila smiled, it was the first time she’d seen her son laugh like that in a very long time. She wondered if there was someone who was making him smile again. She really hoped so, she was worried about him. She knew he went to the cemetery every week, she had seen him in the depths of despair and now she hoped he was coming out the other side. No matter what, she’d always be there for him, and his brother Neil.

“Have you decided what you’re having? It’s my treat mom.”

“Aww thank you sweetheart. Mmm there’s so much yummy food on here, I…wait this sounds perfect.”

“Knowing you it’s gonna be something very sweet.”

“Yes. I’ll have the cinnamon Brioche toast. It’s got cinnamon and vanilla sugar on it. And…I’ll have the salted caramel Latte…hot please.”

“So how much sweet stuff is in that?”

“It’s Espresso poured over house made caramel and textured milk topped with foam.”

“Mom if I had that I’d have to be in the gym every day for a week.”

“Adam, you’re fine as you are.” She gently touched his hand. “So what are you having?”

“Mmm let me see. Ah! That sounds perfect.”

“Come on tell me, what healthy stuff have you decided on?”

“I’m having the grilled cheese sandwich with tomato soup and green salad. And my coffee…erm…ok so I’ll have the café Con Loche.”

“That sounds horrible, what is it?”

“It’s 2 shots of espresso with brown sugar and steamed milk, but I think I’ll see if they can leave the sugar out.”

“Oh Adam, one coffee with sugar in isn’t going to do any harm.”

“Oh…ok.”

Leila smiled then went to ask for their waiter. Whilst they were waiting she talked about what she’d been up to. She wanted to know what was troubling her son but she also didn’t want anyone overhearing and making a big noise about it. She had to respect his privacy although she wished he’d carry on singing. It’s what he was born to do. But again she also respected his decision. Maybe that’s what he wanted to talk about.

“Mom…hey mom.”

“What, oh I’m sorry, what were you saying?”

“I’ve ordered, Chris is waiting to take your order.”

“Forgive me, I was just thinking.”

“Oh boy that’s bad news then.” Adam laughed.

“Hey…my son isn’t supposed to cheek his mom.”

“You still love me though!”

“Always. Now…my order.”

Leila gave Chris her order and he was smiling as he left table.

“He’s got a cute smile too sweetheart!”

“Told ya, not my type.”

They were silent for a couple of minutes.

“So Adam, you didn’t invite me for coffee just to sit in silence, what’s bothering you?”

“Well you know I visit Alex every week?” He saw Leila nod. “Well yesterday I heard someone playing a guitar at the cemetery and they were playing one of my songs and I started singing along, next thing I knew this guy was watching me and well…”

“What’s he like?”

“That’s the thing mom, he’s…well he’s…”

“If you don’t tell me everything, how can I help you?”

Adam swore under his breath, closed his eyes and took a deep breath then told his mother all about Tommy Joe Ratliff. He even told her about the picture falling over. When he finished he looked at his mom who was smiling.

“What?”

“Oh Adam darling, he may be just the person to help you.”

“But what about Alex?”

Leila put down her coffee and reached for Adam’s hands. “Sweetheart I know how much you loved Alex, but he’s gone baby, you on the other hand are still here. And if I know Alex he wouldn’t want you moping around for the rest of your life. He’d want you to be happy and if this Tommy person can do that then I say go for it. Talk to him, if you feel comfortable with him, buy him a coffee. Go see his band play, you don’t have to stay long if you don’t feel comfortable. Ask him if you can listen from the wings. But don’t push him away. I know how your friends have been and they’re not really your _friends_ if they can’t see you for who you are.”

“Tommy said something like that too.”

“There you go. I would like to meet this Tommy one day.”

“What for?”

“To thank him for stopping you doing something stupid. That’s not the way out.”

“I know that now, Tommy said exactly the same.”

Leila smiled.

“What this time?”

“Oh just an observation about my gorgeous son.”

“And what would that be.”

“Just that when you talk about Tommy your eyes light up. You like him don’t you?”

Adam blushed and looked down. Leila put a finger underneath his chin and made him look at her.

“You _do_ like him don’t you?”

“Yeah mom, I think I do.”

tbc


	3. Chapter 3

As Adam was saying goodbye to his mom she hugged him. “Remember I’m always here for you sweetheart.”

“Yeah I know and thank you.”

“Will you do one thing for me?”

“Sure, if I can.”

“Will you let me know how things go with Tommy, he sounds an awesome guy.”

“Yeah mom I’ll let you know.”

“You can tell him as much or as little as you want. I’m sure he’ll understand no matter what.”

“Thank you, I knew you’d be able to help me.”

“You’re welcome, but really Adam I think you knew what you were going to do before you met me. If I know you, you just wanted me to confirm what you were thinking. Am I right?”

Adam smiled a little, “You are one amazing lady. Yeah you’re right.” He hugged her. “I love you mom.”

“And I love you too. Now it’s time to get on with your life.”

“I know and I’m going to take it one day at a time and see where it leads me.”

“That’s all any of us ask of you. You’ve had a very tough few months, now it’s time for you to be yourself.” She hugged him, kissed his cheek then as she pulled away. “Ring me next week after your chat.”

“I will do, I promise.” Adam let her go and headed for his car.

Leila watched as her son got in his car. She was happy he’d finally met someone he could talk to other than her and Eber. He still wasn’t over Alex and she knew it would take a long time but meeting this Tommy was a beginning.

Adam waved to his mom as he pulled out of the parking lot. He smiled, she always knew what to do. And yeah he’d already decided he wanted to chat to Tommy, his mom had just confirmed for him that he was doing the right thing. As he drove he began humming Aftermath, smiling at the new meaning of the words. With Tommy’s help he _would_ be ok in the Aftermath.

^V^

Mike and Tommy arrived back at Bar 39 in plenty of time. Tommy was beginning to feel nervous. He hoped the crowd were good tonight, he’d hate for Josh to feel he’d failed especially with his mother in the audience.

“Hey TJ, are you ready?”

“M’always ready to play.”

“What, no nerves?”

“Nah, well maybe a few but good nerves. Adrenaline always makes me play better.”

“Come on then, let’s play.” Ashley smiled and headed onto the stage.

A cheer went up from the crowd as the bad emerged from the wings. Tommy smiled as he plugged his baby into the amp.

Josh was scanning the crowd for his mother and spotted her in one of the alcoves near the door. His face fell.

Tommy noticed the smile leave his singers lips, he wandered over. “Hey Josh, you ok?”

“What…yeah, no…not really.”

“Come on it’s your debut, you should…”

“Mom’s here. I…”

“That’s great, isn’t it?”

“Sort of. She’s sat right at the back near the door, what’s the betting she leaves before we’ve finished.”

“Look, think of it this way. _You_ know you’re doing the right thing, you’re finally starting to achieve your dreams. Not everyone is going to be happy.” Tommy thought back to his failed attempt at explaining to his dad about his sexuality. “But you are doing this for you. She’ll hear you and be blown away like the rest of us.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, we’ve all been through stuff similar. Now take a deep breath and sing your heart out.” He squeezed Josh’s shoulder.

Josh smiled, turned to the audience and introduced their first song.

By the end of the second song the audience were eating out of their hands and by the end of their set they were begging and screaming for more.

Josh had thanked them and said they’d be back the following week. He’d also noticed that his mom had stayed until the end too.

As the band left the stage, Craig bounded over to them, a huge grin on his face.

“Wow, you guys were amazing. I was listening to the comments from the crowd and they loved you. Some even said you sang Mad World as good as Adam Lambert.”

Josh blushed. “Thank you, and I could never sing as good as that guy, his vocal range is off the scale.”

“Well you’re good enough for me and I want more. So next week, how about you do a longer set?”

Tommy’s grin got wider, “that would take some working on.”

“Not a problem. How about you work half day Wednesday, say, just come in for the shift at night, you have Thursday off and take Friday too. Will that give you enough time?”

“Think so. Josh would you be ok coming to mine on the Wednesday so we can decide on the songs?” Josh nodded. “K, Ash and Isaac can meet us here Friday morning to go through the songs, then if there’s any tweaking to be done I’ll be able to sort it before we play Friday night.”

“What about Thursdays?”

“Sorry Josh prior engagement, but I may have some time to tweak things, but I’d rather be on my own during the day, sorry.”

“Ok.” Josh didn’t want to pry, he could see something in the blonds eyes but didn’t want to ask too many questions.

Tommy’s grin never left his face for the remainder of the night. Josh’s mom came over and congratulated them all, even admitting she may have been wrong about Josh’s choice of career.

By the end of the night they were all high on their performances and were looking forward to the following week.

Josh stopped Tommy just as he was getting into Mike’s car. “Um sorry Tommy, can I just have a quick word?”

“Sure. Is anything wrong?”

“No, I…um…well I wanted to ask if we could do a tribute to Adam Lambert next week. I know he’s got personal issues going on in his life, I have heard that he’s not coming back to singing because of what’s happened. I thought it might be nice for us to remind the audience of his work once in a while, you know so they don’t forget him completely. He’s one of the reasons I kept up with my ambition and he’s an amazing singer. I have a feeling the world is going to miss him. So if we could do a couple of his songs and dedicate them to him, if it’s not going to…”

“That sounds like a great idea, just let me know which songs you want to try and I’ll see what I can do.”

“Great, thanks Tommy.”

Tommy watched as Josh bounded off. He had so much enthusiasm, he reminded Tommy of himself when he was just getting the odd gig here and there.

“You ok Tommy?”

“Yeah Mike I am. I can’t believe my dreams are coming true. This is my time, I just wish…”

“Come on TJ, he’d be so proud of you. You’re moving on and you have other things to look forward to as well. You _are_ going to talk to Mitchel again aren’t you?”

“Yeah I am.” Tommy smiled at the image of the dark haired man with piercing blue eyes.

“Hey TJ…Tommy!”

“What? Sorry what was that?”

“You certainly have it bad.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mention Mitchel’s name and you go off into a dream world, a soppy grin on your face.”

“Don’t!” Tommy blushed.

“Oh but you do. I’m pleased for ya, you deserve to have some fun. And if it’s just friendship that’s great, if it leads to anything else then I say go for it, grab whatever you can with both hands and enjoy.”

“He’s just lost his boyfriend.”

“But that doesn’t stop you from being friends. Take each day as it comes, and live for the moment.”

Tommy looked at his best friend. “Wow, you are becoming a wise fucker aren’t you?”

Mike laughed. “Hopefully soon TJ you’ll be doing the fucking!”

They both ended up in fits of giggles.

^V^

The week flew by and Josh had decided on the songs he wanted to do.

“I’m going to have to listen to Lambert sing these.”

“That’s not a problem, I’ve brought you copies of his CD’s, I thought you’d want to hear them.”

“Great, thanks. Look I’ve got some time tomorrow afternoon, I’ll have a listen and ring you tomorrow night if that’s ok?”

“Sure I could come around in the afternoon if…”

“Sorry Josh, that’s not possible just at present. Look I don’t mean to sound blunt but I’d rather not talk about it just yet.”

“Oh, um sorry Tommy I didn’t…”

“Hey not your fault, one day I’ll be able to tell you.”

“Ok. Look I had better go, mom wants to take me for lunch and to talk.”

“That’s good isn’t it?”

“Not sure, but I’ll let you know.”

“Don’t let her talk you out of doing what you love.”

“I won’t, I’ve found where I belong and that’s on stage, singing.”

“Good for you. And remember if a better job offer comes you way, take it. You deserve more than Bar 39 can give you.”

Josh hugged Tommy, “thank you Tommy, I’m so pleased I auditioned for mic night.”

“And we’re glad you did too.”

Tommy watched as Josh left, wondering if there was a reason behind the Adam Lamberts songs he’d chosen.

Tommy had a couple of hours before his shift started, he told Craig he’d be back in time and took himself off home. He worked better in his bedroom, so taking the CD’s and manuscript paper through, he put the first CD in his stereo, made himself comfortable and listened.

Tommy sat mesmerised at the powerful vocals coming from the stereo. He listened once then replayed it just concentrating on the words. This guy certainly had a powerful voice and the words of the song were so true. He wondered if this Adam guy had gone through hate and abuse to write something like _Outlaws of Love_. By the time the song had finished for the 3rd time, Tommy had an idea of how to play it. He needed more time on it as he didn’t want to ruin such a poignant song. It would speak to a lot of his friends and yeah, it hit him hard too. He hadn’t realised but tears had escaped his eyes and now his cheeks were damp. _Wow, Adam Lambert, you certainly know how to affect people. I wish I could meet you_. Before he played the other track he needed a drink. He knew he couldn’t have much, but shit, after that he needed something. He headed for his kitchen and pouring Jack into a glass he topped it up with water. He didn’t want to smell of booze whilst he was working.

Going back to his bedroom he found the other track Josh wanted to sing, and as it started Tommy smiled, he’d heard this before and hand tried to play it. This one was going to be easier to sort out. He checked his watch again, an hour before he had to be at work, just enough time to begin putting _Never Close Our Eyes_ onto paper. By the time he’d got the chords sorted it was time for him to head to work.

He texted Josh to let him know how he was getting on and hoped his lunch had gone well with his mom. Tommy smiled when he got a message saying lunch was great and he was looking forward to hearing what Tommy had done.

As Tommy arrived at Bar 39 he was greeted by Ashley who’d had an idea for another of the songs. She wanted to know if they could do a Queen number, she’d already been in touch with Josh who was all for it. She just wanted Tommy’s ok.

“Which one were you thinking of doing?”

“Well it’s, um… _I Want To Break Free_.”

Tommy laughed, he’d loved the video for that one, and how he thought Roger Taylor made a very beautiful schoolgirl. “Sure Ashley we can do that, but I’m not dressing up as they did in the video.”

Ashley joined in the laughter. “Aw would be good though.”

“Gee thanks.”

“Oh ok. No dressing up.”

They agreed to try and wind Isaac up, telling him they were dressing up like their respective band members and as Taylor was the drummer Isaac would have to be the schoolgirl.

They were still laughing at the image when Craig appeared.

“Hey what’s all the frivolity about?”

“Sorry Craig, we’ve just had an idea.”

“Gonna let me in on it, or do I have to guess?”

Ashley, through giggles, told him and he said he’d go along with the joke too.

The night flew by, the club was exceptionally busy for a Wednesday night. Craig was helping out in the bar and by the end of the night everyone was worn out.

“Wow, what happened tonight?”

“Don’t know for sure, but from snippets fo conversations I overheard, they’d been told about a great band that plays here and they came to check us out.”

“We’ve got a lot to live up to then.”

“If you play like you did last week I’ll be happy.”

“Thanks Craig. We’ve nearly got our set list ready. I’ll put the finishing touches to it tomorrow evening.”

“Sounds great, but don’t spoil your dad’s visit.”

“I won’t, besides it’ll give me something else to think about.”

“How’re you doing?”

“Getting there. Visiting and talking to him has really helped. I know it sounds crazy…”

“Not at all. We all overcome something like that in a different way. And I can see you’re better now than a few months ago.”

“I appreciate you giving me the time. A lot of employers wouldn’t agree to me having the time off for something people would think as trivial.”

“Hey that’s what friends and bosses are for TJ. Now go, get some sleep and say hi to your dad from me. And don’t forget to tell him about your gig.”

“Already told him, but yeah gonna be talking about it again tomorrow.” Tommy retrieved his jacket and headed out.

“See you Friday Tommy!”

Tommy waved his goodbye, his thoughts drifting to his meeting tomorrow with a tall dark haired man.

^V^

Adam arrived at Alex’s grave with his usual red rose. Removing the wilted one from the previous week he kissed the new flower before placing it down on the headstone.

“Hey baby, I’m back. I’ve got so much to tell you. But I just need to get rid of this wilted rose. I’ll be right back.”

Adam stood and as he headed towards the trash can he saw a blond head above the bushes, smiling he watched where the smaller man went. He knew he shouldn’t, this time with your loved ones was precious to everyone. But something about the man, made Adam’s nerves tingle. His mom had been right, he needed to move on and having Tommy as a friend was a start. Adam continued watching Tommy until he sat down at one of the graves. Shaking his head, _come on Lambert give him some privacy_. He turned and headed back to Alex.

“Sorry baby, I’m back now. I had lunch with mom the other day. She said hi. I needed to talk to her. I needed her advice.” Adam took a deep breath and caressed the photograph of his boyfriend. “Oh Alex, I was very stupid last week singing out loud, but I think maybe it’s turning out to be something I needed to do. Remember I told you about Tommy, and how he stopped me doing something stupid? Well I’ve decided to chat to him again. He’s the first person who hasn’t judged me, asked me who I’m visiting, although I did sorta tell him. But not what you did. He’s a guitarist and… well I know I said I was giving up singing, I still like to listen to someone play. He’s just arrived and I’m looking forward to talking to him. Please believe me Alex, my gorgeous lover, I love you and always will. He’s going to be a friend and that’s all.” Adam stroked the photo again. “I hope you can understand, I have to move on with my life. I will never ever forget you nor love anyone as much as I love you, but I have to do this, I have to meet new people.

The gentle breeze moved the rose and Adam shivered. Was that another sign that Alex was saying this was alright, like the picture frame last week?

“Are you telling me you’re ok with me talking to Tommy? Oh baby I wish I could have met Tommy before now, I know you and he would have been good friends.” Adam sighed. “M’just going to sit here quietly, ok baby? I’ll let you know when I’m going.”

Adam listened to the sounds around him, birds singing, the trees rustling in the gentle breeze, but no guitar. He was a little disappointed he would like to hear the blond play again.

Tommy sat down. “Hey dad, well it’s been a crazy ass week but I’ve loved every minute of it. We had a blast playing last Friday, Josh our singer, is awesome. We’re doing a longer set tomorrow night and…well I wish you could have heard us.” Tommy sighed. “I miss you dad and I never told you often enough, but I love you. I hope that you forgive me?” Tommy sat silently for a while listening to the noises around him. He was a little disappointed when he realised he couldn’t hear any singing. He’d hoped to hear Mitchel again, he had a beautiful voice almost as good as that Lambert guy he’d listened to yesterday.

“Hey dad I’ve met someone. Not in a dating way but a friendship way. Although, if circumstances were different, I could feel more for him. Yeah dad, it’s a he. I hope you’re not disappointed in me, but I think I’d be happy with a guy. I’m going to talk to him again today, I stopped him from doing something stupid last week, well I hope I did. Anyway I told him if he needed a friend then I’d be there for him. He’s gorgeous dad, tall with dark hair and the most beautiful blue eyes I’ve ever seen. I talked to Mike about him and he told me just to take it one day at a time and see what happens. Oh dad am I wrong in thinking about this guy all the time? He’s just lost his boyfriend and I’m having thoughts about him holding me. I wish you could tell me what to do, am I doing the right thing being his friend?” the breeze blew and Tommy shivered, “is that you saying everything will work out ok? Thank you dad for listening. I wonder if Mitchel, oh that’s his name by the way, well I wonder if he’s here? Hope you don’t mind dad but I’m just going to see if he’s with his boyfriend. I’ll come right back, I won’t disturb him, I love you dad, see you shortly.”

Tommy stood and as quietly as he could he made his way over to where he’d seen Mitchel the previous week.

As Tommy approached the bushes he saw the dark haired man sitting just staring at the headstone. Tommy was relieved to see him, thankful that he hadn’t continued in his quest the week before. He also felt guilty spying on the man at such an intimate moment, but he couldn’t take his eyes off him. His black hair was gently moving in the breeze ad his long fingers were caressing what Tommy thought could be a photograph. He shouldn’t be staring like this, so turning he began walking away.

Adam didn’t know how long he’d been sat silently staring at the headstone, but something moving caused him to look around.

“Who’s there?”

_Fuck Ratliff you’ve done it now!_

“Is there someone there?” Adam had heard rustling he was sure of it.

“Mmm…I’m sorry.” Tommy answered.

“Oh, hello again.”

“M’really sorry man, I um…well I erm, well I was kinda worried. I hadn’t heard you singing and I was really hoping you hadn’t…you know after last week.” Tommy knew he was rambling.

“No I didn’t do anything and I have you to thank for that, if you hadn’t come along when you did…well.”

“I’m pleased you’re here. I’ve been telling my dad about our chat. I…erm…well I hope you didn’t mind?” _Ratliff if you don’t stop rambling you’re gonna put your foot in it in a big way._

“No I don’t mind. In fact I’ve just been telling Alex about you. Is that ok?”

“Wow um yeah. Look I’ll go leave you to talk. I’m sorry if I disturbed you.”

“That’s ok. You didn’t bring your guitar this week?”

“No but…how…?”

“Oh I saw you arrive, I was putting last weeks’ rose in the trash and I um…well.” _Lambert he’ll think you’re spying on him_.

“I don’t bring it every week. If I have a lot to tell dad then I leave it. I only bring it if I don’t have much to tell him.”

“Ah, ok”

“Look I’m going to go, leave you to your conversation. I’m here for maybe another half an hour if you…never mind.”

“Tommy.”

Tommy stopped his name being spoken by this gorgeous man sounded beautiful. “Yeah?”

“Would you…erm…will…no forget it. It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does Mitchel, what were you going to ask?” Tommy hadn’t turned around he daren’t, if he did he knew his eyes would give him away. He so wanted to spend more time with this man.

Adam took a deep breath, he had to remember that he’d told the blond his name was Mitchel. He couldn’t give anything away he had to remain anonymous. “Would you like to go for a coffee with me after…well after your visit with your dad?”

Tommy smiled and plucked up courage to face the guy to give him an answer. “Yeah, I’d like that, thank you.”

“No, I have to thank you. You saved me last week and me buying you a coffee is one way I can repay you.”

“I only did what anyone would have done.”

“My friends wouldn’t have done what you did for a stranger. They would have just walked off.”

“But would your friends have helped you?”

Adam looked sad. “I’d like to say yeah, but to be honest since this…” he pointed to the grave, “my friends haven’t really been there for me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s like you said last week, maybe they aren’t really my friends.” Adam tried to smile but it didn’t reach his eyes. “So will you have a coffee with me?”

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Great, how about we meet back here in say 40 minutes and then we can decide where to go.”

“Sure, I’ll see you soon.” Tommy turned and walked back to his dad, his breathing a little faster than it should really have been, his heart rate faster than normal. His thoughts only on piercing blue eyes of the gorgeous man he was going to have a coffee with. _Stop it Ratliff, it’s only a coffee not a first date!_

He sat down when he reached his dad’s grave. “Hey dad, m’back, sorry for being a long time. I um…well I saw Mitchel, he’s still here so I must have made some sense last week. He’s asked me to go for a coffee with him later this morning and I said yes. I am doing the right thing aren’t I?” Tommy just sat looking at the intricate lettering on the headstone. “Thank you dad for everything you did for Lisa and me as we were growing up. I know I wasn’t always the best son in the world, but I hope I made you happy.”

The breeze blew again and Tommy smiled as he pulled his jacket tighter around himself. Looking at his watch he had about 10 minutes before he had to meet Mitchel.

“Well dad, I hope you don’t mind I’m gonna say bye for today, m’going for that coffee. I’ll be back next week and I’ll bring my guitar, play some of our songs for you. And yes, I’ll play some of your favourite songs too.” He stood, “bye dad, I love you.” He turned and headed back to meet Mitchel.

Adam watched the blond head back to his father. His breathing faster than it should be, he turned and headed back to Alex. Sitting back down he stared at the photograph then looked in the direction Tommy had gone. He closed his eyes. _You need to calm down Lambert. Tommy is cute and blond and…fuck…just my type_. He touched the photograph, took a deep breath. “Hey baby, I’m sorry I left you just then. I heard something and was worried the press and found me, but it was only Tommy. He was worried about me. Can you believe that? A stranger worrying about me. He wanted to know that I was ok, you remember…after last week. I threw those pills away when I got home. He was right you know, they weren’t the answer. Well baby I hope you don’t mind, I’m going to take him for a coffee as a thank you for helping me. It’s the least I can do. I promise I’ll stay longer next week. I love you sweetheart. I just wish you’d have spoken to me before it got too bad for you. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me the most.”

A breeze blew and the rose Adam had laid on the headstone shifted in the wind. “Oh baby are you telling me you’re ok with me going for a coffee with Tommy?” Adam replaced the flower on the headstone then brushed his fingers over the photograph. “I’m going to go now baby. I’ll see you next week. I love you.” Adam stood and headed towards the bushes.

When Tommy arrived back at the bushes he heard the gorgeous man telling Alex that he loved him and Tommy blushed. He felt he was intruding on a very intimate moment. He tried to avert his eyes from Mitchel but found he was drawn to the sadness still present on his face.

Tommy saw Mitchel get up so he moved away he didn’t want him to think he’d been spying on him. As he saw the taller man closing in on the trees, Tommy made his way there.

“Oh hi.”

“Hi yourself. You just got here?”

“Yeah, told dad I’d stay longer next week, told him I’d bring my guitar.”

“That’s good. I’ve told Alex I’ll be back next week too.”

The conversation was slightly awkward, neither really knowing what to say, both staring into each others eyes.

Adam was the first to break the spell. “You um, ready for that coffee?”

“Erm, yeah, where do you want to go?”

“I…well I met my mom at Lamill Coffee Boutique last week they serve some great food too. Do you fancy going there?”

“Wow, erm…” Tommy hesitated he knew of the place and knew it was expensive.

“Look it’s my treat. A thank you for what you did last week.”

Tommy blushed, “only did what everyone else would have done.”

“No Tommy, not everyone would help a stranger as you helped me. Please…let me do this as a thank you.”

“Ok.” Tommy smiled.

Adam liked the blond’s smile and he was cute when he blushed. _Whoa, since when do you think he’s cute?_ Adam had to look away, he hoped he hadn’t made a fool of himself. “K, erm are you in a car?”

“Yeah, what about you?”

“Yeah, how about we meet in the parking lot of Lamill’s in say 20 minutes?”

“Sounds good. Am I…well am I dressed ok for that place?”

Adam laughed “Yeah Tommy you look good. They don’t have a dress code.” _You are seriously going to have to calm down Lambert, first you say he’s cute now you’re saying he looks good_. But Adam smiled, he could appreciate how someone looked without it having any other meaning than being a compliment.

“Oh, sorry, it’s just that I’ve not been there before.”

“Hey not a problem. Come on let’s go get that coffee and a snack, don’t know about you but I’m getting hungry.”

“Yeah, me too. K, I’ll see you there in 20 minutes.” Tommy headed off to his car.

Adam held back, he had to ring Lamill’s last time he’d been there was under his proper name. He had to let them know not to use that, he couldn’t let Tommy know who he was. He rang them and the manager said he understood and would have a table near the back waiting for them. He’d also said that he’d make sure the waiter who served them wouldn’t disclose his read name. Adam thanked him and made a mental note to leave a large tip when he left.

As he headed towards his car he smiled, he was looking forward to chatting to Tommy and maybe this was the start of the rest of his life. He would always love Alex and visit him every week, but he knew he had to start living again. And if having Tommy Joe as a friend was the beginning, then he liked the start of this next chapter of his life.

^V^

Adam arrived first, the manager spotted him and personally showed him to his table. True to his word he’d reserved the table in a secluded alcove for Adam.

“It’s nice to see you again Mr Lambert. I was so sorry to hear of your…”

“Thank you. It’s been a tough few months but I think I’m finally coming out the other side.”

“Glad to hear that sir. Now it’s going to be Chris that’s serving you today.”

“Ah, I wonder, and I’m sorry to ask this, but is there anyone else? You see he served me last week when I met my mom and I…”

“Not a problem sir. I’ll have Anya serve you today.”

“Thank you, please apologise to Chris for me.”

“I will, and I promise you won’t be disturbed.”

“Thank you.” Adam let out a breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding. If Chris had recognised him from the previous week he hated to think that he’d slip up. He must remember to leave a tip for Chris too as an apology for putting him in an awkward situation.

Anya appeared at his side. “Good Morning Mr Adams, can I get you something to drink whilst you wait for your friend?”

“Thank you, erm a mineral water would be good right now please.”

“No problem.” She smiled as she turned to head back to the bar.

Adam didn’t know why but he was nervous. He shouldn’t’ be, it was only a drink with a friend. But his hands were clammy and shaking slightly. S _top it Lambert, Tommy is a friend._ Then why was he feeling like a teenager on a first date. He kept glancing around then looking at his watch. He’d not been waiting long so why did it feel like forever?

Anya was back, “there you go sir is there anything else I can get you whilst you wait?”

“No thank you. If you could just show my friend across when he arrives that would be great.”

“Not a problem sir.” She turned and disappeared into the kitchen.

Adam had been deep in thought when he felt someone at the side of him. Looking up he locked eyes with Tommy’s beautiful golden brown ones.

“Hi.”

“Um hi.”

“Please sit down.”

“Thank you.”

“You managed to find it ok?”

“Yeah, just took one wrong turn but am here now. It’s a lovely place.”

“Yep, I brought my mom here last week. The food is gorgeous.”

“Ok, I’ll look forward to it.”

They were silent for what seemed like minutes, but was probably only seconds. The spell of them just looking at each other was broken when Anya appeared.

“Can I get you a drink sir?” She looked at Tommy.

“Oh, right, erm do you have Jack Daniels?”

“Yes sir.”

“Then I’ll have a Jack and water please.”

“Ok, how about you Mr Adams, would you like anything else?”

“No thank you, I’ll stick with this. But could we have the menu please.”

“Certainly sir, I’ll be right back.”

“How are you Mitchel?”

“I only saw you 20 minutes ago.”

“I know and you also know what I mean.”

Adam looked at Tommy and smiled. “Yeah I do, I’m sorry.” He sighed, “I’m coping, just. It’s been a very difficult few months. When you saw me the other week it was the anniversary of Alex’s death.” Adam closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I didn’t know how I was going to carry on, and then…and then you appeared and stopped me.”

“Are you…are you sorry I stopped you?”

Adam looked at the beautiful face opposite, _yeah Tommy was beautiful_ “No…no I’m not sorry. After you stopped me I started thinking how my family would feel if…well you know.” Tommy nodded. “I met my mom for coffee and I realised how much they are here for me.”

“I’m pleased I was able to help in a small way.”

Adam reached across and instinctively placed his hand over Tommy’s. Tommy looked at their hands and then into gorgeous blue eyes, a spark shooting through him.

Adam saw the look on the blonds face and quickly withdrew his hand. “I’m…shit, I’m sorry.”

“Hey don’t worry. I told you if ever you needed someone to talk to I’m here for you.”

Adam felt as though an electric shock had shot up his arm when he touched Tommy’s hand, why was that?

“Thank you Tommy. You don’t know how much your friendship means to me.”

“Hey no worries, man.”

They were silent again, just looking at each other. It was Tommy who broke the spell.

“Um, so are you gonna tell me what’s good to eat here then?”

“Mmm, oh yeah, sorry.” Adam caught Anya’s eye.

“Yes sir, what can I get you?”

“Can we have the menus please?”

“Certainly sir.” She handed them over.

Adam ordered the Kale Salad adding free range chicken breast, whilst Tommy ordered an Emerson Burger and Fries, adding bacon to it.

Adam smiled at Tommy’s selection wondering how someone tiny could eat so much. He wished he could eat what he wanted.

Whilst they waited for their food Tommy told Adam about his job at Bar 39 and his dad.

“I’m so sorry about your dad. From what you’ve told me about your playing, he would have been proud of you.”

“Yeah, I hope so.” Tommy looked down at his hands.”

“What is it Tommy? What aren’t you telling me?”

“It’s nothing, you don’t want to know about my mixed up brain.”

Adam laughed, “No one’s brain can be more mixed up than mine. Look, I’m not going to judge you, not after…well, you know.”

“Mmm ok I…”

Anya appeared at their table just as Tommy was about to tell the gorgeous dark haired man he was Bi.

“Here you go gentlemen. Kale Salad?” Adam gestured it was his. “So the burger must be yours?” She looked at Tommy and smiled.

“Thank you.” He returned the smile. At one point he would have found the smile and the girl attractive but now…now he was liking the smile, even though it didn’t happen often, of the handsome Mitchel Adams. He shook his head. _Tommy, he’s still grieving, stop thinking like that_.

As Anya walked away, Tommy’s eyes followed her. Adam saw him watching.

“She likes you Tommy, and maybe, you like her?”

“What? No, I erm…” Tommy put a couple of fries in his mouth, he didn’t really know what to say.

“What’s wrong Tommy?” Adam started eating.

Swallowing Tommy looked at his food then up at Adam. “I…that…”

“Look if you don’t want to tell me that’s ok.”

“No…” He took a deep breath, “one of the things that I really wanted to tell dad before he died I didn’t have the courage to say to him. Then it was too late. Mom told him, she said he understood and I’m hoping he did.”

“Tommy, you’re not making much sense.”

“M’sorry Mitchel, I thought after my family and friends knew, telling new people in my life would be easier but, well…”

“Hey whatever it is can’t be that bad…can it?”

Tommy laughed a little. “I suppose not. Ok, what I’m trying to say is that, once I would have thought Anya was cute and I would’ve wanted to date her. Now…well now I’m not so sure…I…fuck, sorry. What I’m trying to say is I’m Bi.”

“Oh!” Adam was pleasantly surprised.

“Is that all you’re going to say…oh?”

“I’m sorry Tommy, that came out a bit abrupt. Why would it bother me, you know I’m gay. And who we chose to love shouldn’t matter. We’re all free to love whomever we want.”

“I know, I’m still coming to terms with my feelings.”

“Tell me to mind my own business, but have you got a boyfriend?”

Tommy laughed. “No, have had a few girlfriends, but they’ve never worked out. Kissed a couple of guys, that’s what got me thinking about, well you know?”

“Yeah, so how did it feel kissing a guy?” Adam didn’t know why but he wanted to know more about Tommy’s thoughts on kissing guys.

“It was…well it felt right. Don’t get me wrong it felt right kissing a girl too, but…well there was something more…more intense.” _Tommy you hardly know this guy, why are you telling him everything. You haven’t even told Mike that part, and Mike’s your best friend._

“Look I’m sorry, you don’t want to hear about my confusion over my sexuality.”

“On the contrary Tommy, I’m pleased you feel comfortable talking to me.” Something made Adam’s nerves flip, he couldn’t understand why this revelation should make him happy. But this beautiful man in front of him was awakening feelings that he thought died with Alex.

They ate in silence, occasionally glancing at each other.

As they finished Anya appeared, “would you like anything else gentlemen?”

“I’ll have a coffee please, Tommy what about you?”

“Um, yeah a coffee would be great, thank you.”

“What kind would you like?”

“I’ll have a Café Con Leche, hot please. Tommy what about you?”

“Wow didn’t know there were so many, but that one you’ve just ordered sounds nice, I’ll have one of those too please.”

“I’ll be right back with them, gentlemen.”

The two men stared at each other, neither knowing what to say, until they both started talking together.

“I…” They laughed.

“That’s better.”

“What is?”

“You laughing Mitchel. It’s the first time I’ve seen you really laugh and it looks good on you.” Tommy realised what he’d said. “Oh, m’sorry, I didn’t…”

“Stop Tommy Joe, thank you.”

“For what?”

“Making me laugh. To be honest I’ve not really felt like laughing these past 4 months. But you have changed that and I thank you.”

“Well, in that case it’s my pleasure.” Tommy blushed.

“And you look good when you do that.”

“Do what?”

“Blush. It kinda suits you, in a cute sort of way.” Adam stopped, it was his turn to blush, he’d just admitted (a) Tommy was cute and (b) he liked it when he blushed.

“Oh…erm…” Tommy didn’t get to say anything else, Anya appeared with their coffee’s.

“Thank you.” They chorused.

“Can I ask you a personal question Tommy Joe?”

Tommy was pleased he was sat down, this shouldn’t be happening, but his blood supply was heading south. This gorgeous man was having an effect on him and all he’d done was to use both his names. _Ratliff get a grip, and not on your stiffening dick. He’s just lost his lover, you have no right to be thinking this way, especially thinking with your dick._ “Um, yeah, if you want.”

“Have you…do you…shit sorry.”

“Now who’s getting tongue tied? What do you want to know. I promise I won’t be mad.”

Adam chuckled, “K, here goes. What…no let me put it this way.” Tommy watched him a little confused. “I have a particular type of guy I seem to date.” He thought of Alex and how Tommy was similar. “What I’m asking is have you got a type of guy you find attractive?”

“Um, yeah, kinda.” He hoped Mitchel wouldn’t ask what kind, he really didn’t want to have to admit he was attracted to him.”

“Ok, so come on, what is your type?” Adam smiled.

“FUCK!” Tommy whispered. “Erm, tall, dark haired.” Tommy closed his eyes, he knew he was describing Mitchel.

“Anything else?”

“No…sorry, I’m new to liking guys, I kinda hadn’t really thought about it too much.” He looked into Mitchel’s eyes and saw something flash across them.

Adam felt a charge shoot down his back. This beautiful man had described him, well that’s what it sounded like. He stared at Tommy the more he saw him the more he was drawn to him. What was he going to do? He loved Alex, but Alex was gone, never coming back. Was his mom right, was it time he moved on. He’d admitted to her he liked Tommy but how…what could he do. The blond had admitted he’d never been with a guy before.

“Mitchel…hey Mitchel!”

Adam was pulled back to the present. “Sorry, was miles away there, forgive me.”

“Nothing to forgive, you’ve had a rough time, you’re allowed to think about Alex.”

“Thank you, you’re so understanding. I wish more of my friends were like you.”

“You said your friends haven’t been too forthcoming? Look, tell me to piss off if I start asking too many questions.”

“Not gonna do that Tommy, you’re the first person to not act like they’re walking on egg shells when I’m around. You’re a great guy Tommy Joe.” Adam smiled.

Tommy had to take a deep breath, his dick twitched, there was that name again. He looked at his watch, “wow we’ve been here three hours.”

“Oh I’m sorry, have you got somewhere else to be?”

Tommy looked at Mitchel and saw something sad cross his eyes. “No not really, I have the day off, but I do have some music to find for tomorrow night, but it can wait.”

“I’m sorry, please don’t let me keep you.”

There was that sad look again. “Hey Mitchel.” Tommy placed his hand over the dark haired man’s this time, certain a charge went through him, but he didn’t move it. “I’m not going anywhere yet, unless you have somewhere to be?”

Adam looked at their joined hands, this was beginning to feel nice and he didn’t want it to end…not yet.

“No I’ve not got anything to do except go home to an empty apartment.”

“Good, then let’s have another coffee and we can chat some more if you want to?”

“That would be great.” Adam smiled.

Tommy moved his hand and it immediately felt strange. Adam saw the blonds hand move feeling a cold draft across his fingers. They ordered more coffee and waited until Anya had left before Tommy asked again about Adam’s friends.

“When Alex died all my _friends_ were there for me. They told me that if ever I wanted to talk to ring them and they’d be right over to listen.”

“I’m guessing that didn’t last long?”

“No, lasted until a few days after the funeral.” Adam sniffed and wiped his eyes.

“Hey, you don’t have to carry on if it’s…”

“Yeah Tommy I do…if…if you’ll listen?”

“Of course I’ll listen, not going anywhere.”

“Thank you.” Adam reached out and held onto Tommy’s hand, at what point their fingers entwined neither knew, but neither of them moved.

“About 2 days after the funeral I was feeling really low, so I called my friend Monte. He made the excuse that his wife was ill and he had to look after their twins. I found out later that the twins were at his mothers’ and they were having a party. All our friends had been invited but they didn’t bother to ask me. Found out that they thought if I was there I’d be sat moping about Alex all night. Fuck Tommy that hurt.”

Tommy squeezed Adam’s hand. “I’m sorry Mitchel, that sucks.”

“Well since then I’ve chosen not to see them as often as I used to. They’ve even told me it’s been long enough since Alex died and I should just get on with my life and move on to someone else.”

“Heartless fuckers. Oh, m’sorry.”

“That’s ok, couldn’t have said it better myself.”

“It’s only been 4 months, what do they think you should do? Jump into bed with the first person you find attractive?”

“Something like that.”

“Well all I can say is they are not worth bothering with.”

“Oh Tommy, for someone who doesn’t really know me, you’ve helped me more than all of my friends put together.”

“I’m hoping you’ll let me be your friend.” Tommy smiled.

“That goes without saying.” Adam squeezed Tommy’s hand and grinned.

The slight change in pressure on Tommy’s hand felt good. He had an idea.

“Look Mitchel, if you’re not busy tomorrow night why don’t you come and listen to my band play. We’re doing a longer set, the crowd loved us last week.”

“That’d be great thank you.”

“Do you know where Bar 39 is?”

“Yeah.”

“Great. I’ll let Scott on the door know to let you in as my guest.”

“Thank you Tommy. I’ll look forward to it.”

Tommy’s jeans didn’t feel so tight, so it was safe for him to get up without embarrassing himself.

“Look, I’m really sorry Mitchel, but I do have to go and sort out the music for tomorrow night.”

“Forgive me Tommy, I shouldn’t have kept you so long.”

“It’s been a great afternoon, I’ve really enjoyed myself.”

“As have I, thank you. And as a thank you, please let me pay.”

“But…no…I…can’t…”

“Yes you can. You have done more for me this last couple of weeks than my friends have done in 4 months.”

Tommy blushed again, “ok, but next time it’s my treat.”

“Deal, and I like the sound of _next time_.” Adam reluctantly let go of Tommy’s hand as the blond stood.

“Ok Mitchel, I’ll see you tomorrow night, say around 9.30, we go on at 10.”

“Sounds great, see you then.”

Adam watched as Tommy left the coffee shop. He would ring his mom when he got home, tell her all about it, and yeah he would admit that he enjoyed Tommy’s company very much. He also felt alive for the first time in a very long time. Closing his eyes he silently spoke to Alex. “You’d like Tommy. I will always love you baby, but I need someone in my life as a friend and Tommy is that person. I hope you don’t mind?”

He paid his bill and headed home, smiling and looking forward to hearing and seeing Tommy again the following night.

^V^

As Tommy drove home he kept glancing at his hand. He could still feel Mitchel’s fingers entwined in his. The guy was hurting, he’d seen that in his face as he spoke, his hand in Tommy’s shouldn’t have felt so good. But…Tommy’s reaction to the tall dark haired man didn’t lie. He was attracted to Mitchel Adams. This was wrong, but Tommy couldn’t help how he felt. He’d have to be careful around him, the last thing Mitchel needed right now was someone crushing on him. Meeting him at the club the following night was the right thing to do. He’d be surrounded by his friends and the patrons of the club, nothing could go wrong…could it?

Adam paid the bill and left. He felt as though some of the weight he’d been carrying around on his shoulders had begun to lift. All thanks to the cute blond. Yeah he thought he was cute, he’d lost his beautiful boyfriend, not his eyesight, he could still see when someone was attractive. What had Tommy said about his type of guy? Tall and dark. Adam laughed to himself. “Oh Tommy the pure innocence and embarrassment on your face was priceless. I’m so pleased you didn’t ask my type. He was sat opposite me.” Adam needed advice and the best person was his mom. He messaged her. **Hi mom, I need to talk, can I come around?** Throwing the phone on the passenger seat he started the ignition. His phone buzzed, **Hey sweetie, of course you can come around. Is everything alright?**

He loved his mom, she always worried about him and Neil even though they’d both got places of their own.

**Sure mom, I’m ok, just need a chat**.

He didn’t have to wait long for a reply, **ok I’ll be here, see you soon honey**.

He sent a smiley face. He was certainly feeling a lot better. He just hoped his mom thought he was doing the right thing.

Pulling up outside her home Adam hesitated before getting out of the car. All through the drive from Lamill’s to his mothers’ he’d been thinking about Tommy. Not once had he thought about Alex. It hit him and he felt sick. Tears began slowly trailing down his cheeks. “I’m so sorry baby, I love you, please forgive me.”

Unaware, his mom had seen him pull up and had begun to get worried when he’d not gone straight into the house. She’d waited a couple of minutes and then gone to see why he was hesitating. What she saw when she looked into the window was her eldest son in tears.

Opening the door, she crouched down, “hey sweetheart, what’s happened. Come on Adam let’s go inside.”

Adam stared at his mom and slowly nodded his head. As she helped him out of his car his body shook with the sobs that were now escaping his mouth. Wrapping her arms around his waist she kicked the door closed then guided him into her house.

Once inside Leila helped her distraught son to the lounge, depositing him on the sofa she went to the kitchen for 2 glasses of wine.

When she went back to see how he was she found him in the foetal position on her sofa. Placing the 2 glasses on the table she sat at the side of her eldest son, gently stroking his hair trying to calm him down. She knew he’d been out to lunch with the guy from the cemetery. Had something bad happened? Had this Tommy guy done or said something to Adam? She needed to get to the bottom of it, but she wouldn’t be able to find out anything until Adam had calmed down.

Sitting back, “Adam sweetheart, come here.” She held out her arms, as big as her son was, she knew he still loved her hugs. As he slowly sat up her heart broke at the look of sadness on his face. She hadn’t seen him like this since the day Alex died.  
Leila pulled Adam towards her, “sshh baby, everything is going to be alright. I’ve got you.”

“M…mom…I…I’m…” he began crying again, “I…(hic) I’m s…ssorry (hic).”

“Oh honey, you don’t have to be sorry. I just want to be able to help you. I hate seeing you like this. But I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what happened. What did Tommy do?”

“N…nothing mom. He…Tommy didn’t do…” Adam sighed. “Tommy didn’t do anything.”

“Then what’s brought this on? Something must have happened.” Adam sniffed. “Don’t rush Adam, we have all night.”

“M’sorry.”

“Hey you’re hurting, you don’t have to be sorry.”

“Oh mom, I miss Alex.”

“I know baby, I know.” She hugged him tighter. As she was stroking his hair, she used to do that when he was a small child to relax him, she noticed a change in his breathing. He’d fallen asleep. Kissing his head she held on thinking if she tried to move him he’d wake up, and just now he needed to sleep.

Tommy arrived home, he needed to talk to someone so he called Mike.

“Hey TJ didn’t expect to hear…”

“Can you come over Mike?”

“What…Tommy is everything ok?”

“M’not sure, I need to talk to someone.”

“What happened, did that Mitchel guy do something?”

“No…fuck, but I did.”

“Oh Tommy, what did you do?”

“Look, can’t tell you over the phone. I really need to talk properly. Can you come over?”

“I’m supposed to be working tonight, but I’ll ring Craig ask if I can go in a bit later.”

“Thanks man. Will you do me a favour?”

“Sure, if I can.”

“Please don’t tell Craig that you’re coming to see me. Just…just make up some other excuse.”

“Ok but you’ve got me worried now.”

“Don’t be, look m’sorry, but I need your advice.”

“Ok give me 20 minutes and I’ll be there.”

“Thanks man, you’re a good friend.”

“Hey, always TJ…always.”

Tommy hung up, threw his phone on the sofa and went to get a drink. If he was going to tell mike everything then he needed some Dutch courage. He’d downed 2 and was on his 3rd when Mike rang the doorbell. Tommy answered and the look on his face immediately worried his best friend.

“Hey TJ what’s happened? What did that slimeball…”

“No Mike it’s not like that.”

Mike closed the door, “Then please tell me what it _is_ like, so I can help you.”

“Can we go sit down?”

Mike followed Tommy into the lounge, sitting oppose the blond. “Ok Tommy what happened, I thought you were going for a coffee with that Mitchel guy?”

“Yeah I did and we had something to eat too.”

“So what’s so bad about that?”

Tommy took a deep breath, “I…we were talking about dad, about Alex, that’s his boyfriend.”

“So…”

“So when we were talking about Alex he got upset. I…I put my hand over his, you know to show comfort.” Tommy looked at Mike who nodded. “Well the next thing I knew our fingers were entwined, and…fuck…”

“And what Tommy?”

“And it felt good. So good in fact that the more he talked, the more times he said my name, the…shit…the harder my dick became.”

“Oh!”

“Oh, is that all you’ve got to say?”

“I don’t know what else you want me to say?”

“Tell me it shouldn’t happen, tell me I’m being stupid. Tell me anything but fuckin’ Oh!”

“Calm down Tommy, it happened, you can’t take that back. Did Mitchel see?” Tommy shook his head. “That’s a bonus.”

“But why Mike, why did it happen, I’ve never had anything like that happen to me before, when I’ve been talking to a guy.” Tommy downed his Jack in one go.

“That’s not gonna help.”

“Who said?”

“Tommy Joe Ratliff, you know the more you drink the more you think. You need to stop thinking so much so stop drinking.”

Tommy knew Mike was right. “Yeah ok. So…so what am I going to do?”

“You said the other day that you liked him.” Tommy nodded. “So you keep chatting to him. You helped him remember?” Tommy nodded again. “If you don’t keep talking to him he’s going to think you don’t like him and just at present he sounds as though he could do with a friend who will just listen and not judge.”

“But how am I going to face him knowing that I could pop a boner every time he says my name?”

“You’re going to have to think of something to calm it down. You’ve got a week before you see him again, so…”

“I’ve invited him to the club tomorrow night to listen to our set and he’s said yes.”

“Aah!”

“Yeah aah,, so what am I going to do?”

“Well it’s gonna be dark in there and there’ll be a lot of people milling around, so make sure you wear black jeans, it’ll make it difficult to see.”

“But what about when I visit dad?”

“Look, take it one step at a time, we’ll think of something before next week.”

“Thank you Mike. I’m sorry for acting like a stupid teenager.”

“That’s what friends are for Tommy. But can I ask you a question?”

“Sure, go ahead.”

“You really do like him in that way don’t you?” Mike looked at his best friend waiting for an answer.

Tommy sighed. “Yeah Mike I do. But he’s still hurting over Alex so I can’t do anything about it.”

“Not yet maybe, but you can be a friend and be there for him when things get tough. Who knows, in time he might be ready to move on.”

Tommy huffed a kind of laugh. “But I may not be his type, have you ever thought of that? He probably thinks I’m just a guy who stopped him from doing something stupid. He is only ever going to see me as that guy, as a friend.”

Mike could see the hurt in Tommy’s eyes. He’d never seen that kind of intense emotion from his friend since his dad died. He moved over and sat next to the blond. Pulling him close, “if ever you want to talk TJ I’m here for ya. And who knows what the future will bring.”

Tommy hugged his best friend back. “Thanks man, and you’re right. Let’s see what happens tomorrow night. Speaking of which, I need to get the arrangements sorted for rehearsal tomorrow.”

“Yeah and I had better get to work. Told Craig my car had broken down and was waiting for the tow truck to come take me back home. Gonna have to tell him I had to wait longer than expected.”

“M’sorry.”

“Hey don’t ever be sorry. Look I finish at 2 want me to come back here, keep you company?”

“Nah, I’ll be ok. I’ll lose myself in the music, but thanks anyway.”

“Not a problem TJ. I’ll see you tomorrow then, don’t work too hard.”

Tommy laughed. “Yeah, see you tomorrow and no I won’t, the songs I’ve still to do aren’t going to take me long.”

They said goodbye and as Tommy went through to his bedroom he picked up his guitar. He started with the song they would finish their set with.


	4. Chapter 4

Leila was beginning to feel uncomfortable. Adam had fallen asleep on her and she couldn’t bear to wake him to move. Sleep was what he needed, she knew he’d not been sleeping well since the funeral so she’d left him. But now her legs were cramping and she really needed to move.

“Adam, hey sweetheart.”

“Mmm” Adam stirred but didn’t move.

“Come on honey wake up. I need to move my legs.”

“Mmm what time is it?”

“Hey baby it’s 7.30 you’ve been asleep for an hour or so.”

“M’sorry mom you should…”

“Don’t apologise to me Adam, you looked as though you needed it.”

“Oh mom, what am I going to do?” Adam sat up stretching his long legs out in front of him. He watched as Leila untangled the knots that she must have had having him fall asleep on her. “M’sorry.”

“Hey what for Adam? If my son can’t feel comfortable falling asleep on me then I’m not as good a pillow as I thought I was.” Adam smiled. “So do you feel up to telling me what brought on the tears earlier? When you messaged me I thought it was to tell me you’d had a nice time with Tommy.”

Adam looked at his hands and started to pick at his nails. Leila noticed him looking intently at his right hand, turning it over then stroking his fingers.

“Adam honey, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me.”

“Oh mom, you were right, I did have a nice time with Tommy. That’s the problem.”

“I don’t see how having a nice time is a problem.”

“The thing is…fuck.”

“Adam Mitchel Lambert, language if you please.”

“Sorry.” He looked at her, sadness in his eyes. “Tommy is a great guy, he didn’t ask questions he just let me talk. Talk about Alex, how long it had been, what my so called friends were like. We even talked about his father, how he regretted not telling him he was…”

“He was what darling?”

“Tommy’s Bi mom.”

“Oh, and don’t his family approve?”

“He said they were ok with it, but he was regretting not telling his father before he died, his mom told him. Plus Tommy would have loved his dad hear him play.”

“Well it sounds as though you both had a lot to talk about. But I’m sorry Adam I still don’t see how…”

“I never once thought of Alex on the way here. I was thinking about Tommy and how…” he looked down at his hand again. “…how he held my hand when I was telling him about Alex. I’ve betrayed my boyfriend. I…I felt safe when Tommy held my hand, but I shouldn’t have felt like that. I love Alex and I can’t…”

“Oh Adam, look at me sweetheart.” Adam turned to face his mom. “I know you love Alex, we all did and I know your love was different to the rest of us, but baby he’s gone, he’s not coming back.”

“I know that! But…”

“No Adam, it’s been 4 months, you visit him every week, but he’s not going to come back no matter how much you want him to. You’re still here and I know this is going to be hard for you to hear, but you have to move on. Get on with your life. Alex wouldn’t have wanted you to hide yourself away, he would want you to meet new people. I bet he would have told you to go and have fun.” She looked at her son, tears silently running down his face again. She leant over and gently wiped them away. “Tommy sounds a good guy. And one day I hope to meet him. I want to thank him for saving my precious boy. Be friends with him, talk to him, he seems as though he wants to help you.”

“Yeah he does.”

“You know you’ll never forget Alex. Tommy knows that too. But you can’t push him away, he’s probably still hurting because of his dad. And as for him holding your hand, that’s good, he’s not afraid of what people might think. Just take each day as it comes, he sounds as though he’s going to be a good friend.”

Adam smiled for the first time since he’d arrived.

“That’s better, I like it when my son’s smile.”

“Oh mom, you say the best things. Forgive me?”

“Always. Now do you want to stay for supper?”

“We ate at Lamills”

“Oh, so not just coffee?”

“No mom.” He laughed.

“Now are you feeling better?”

“Yes mom, I am, thank you.”

“That’s what moms are for, to listen when their children are hurting.”

“It kinda shook me up a little. I’ve loved Alex for so long, now he’s not here, and I’m thinking about another blond.”

“Aah, now I understand.”

“What?”

“Why you’re thinking about Tommy.”

“Yeah, he’s tiny, blond and…well…cute.”

“Good.”

“What?”

“At least he’s your type.”

“Mom!”

“Hey, can’t blame me for trying?”

“We’re friends mom, that’s all.”

“And that’s a good start. When are you seeing him next?”

“How…what?”

“Look now you’ve had lunch and chatted and now you realise you’re not hurting anyone I would hope you are going to see him again. You deserve some fun back in your life. Alex will always be a part of you, but it’s time to let someone else make you smile. And if that’s Tommy the cute blond then great.” Leila squeezed her son’s hands.

“Thank you mom. I know I need to move on, I’m never going to forget Alex and I’m going to see Tommy’s band play tomorrow night.” He said that quickly hoping his mother wouldn’t make too much of it, but he should have realised her hearing was perfect, she’d always been on his and Neil’s cases when they were young.

“That’s wonderful honey, if he’s a musician have you told him…”

“No! Sorry, no mom, I haven’t and I don’t want him finding out.”

“Why don’t…”

“I haven’t told him my real name. I didn’t want him to pity me.”

“Oh Adam, the more you see him the more likely he’s going to realise who you are.”

“And I will tell him, just not yet. He’s friends with me because he doesn’t know who I really am. I just want to be anonymous for a little while longer.”

“What’s he going to think if he talks to someone who knows you?”

“I’ll make sure I tell him after tomorrow night. How does that sound?”

“Perfect. I just don’t want either of you getting hurt again.”

“I promise, I’ll tell him.” He leant across and hugged her.

“Your hugs are always the best Adam.”

“Well look who I learned it from.” He kissed her cheek.

“Are you going to stay for supper?”

“That would be nice, thank you.”

^V^

Tommy arrived at Bar 39 early. He wanted to make sure everything was right for their set that night. But if truth be known he was trying to keep himself occupied, trying not to think of Mitchel Adams. Every time he did, his nerve endings tingled. He smiled at the thought of seeing him again.

“Morning TJ you’re early.”

“Hey Craig, yeah wanted to make sure everything was ok for tonight.”

“Everything will be fine stop worrying. Besides none of the others are here yet so you can’t rehearse.”

“I know, I just wanted to get the music ready for everyone. Plus I wanted to speak to Scott.”

“Oh, what’s he done?”

“Nothing, I just want to let him know that a friend of mine is coming tonight and to make sure he lets him in.”

“Him? Do I detect a romance budding?”

“No Craig, he’s just a friend. He’s going through a rough time at present and I’m helping him.”

“That’s what they all say. You never know TJ.” Tommy blushed. “Oh I see I’ve touched a nerve, your secrets safe with me.”

“Thank you. Yeah I do like him, but as I said, we’re just friends.”

Craig smiled he was pleased for Tommy, it was about time he had someone special in his life. “Hey you never said what you’re playing tonight.”

“We’ve added Whole Lotta Love and 2 by Adam Lambert. Josh wants to finish with Outlaws Of Love as a tribute to him. Apparently the guys given up singing due to personal reasons, but we can’t find out why. Josh thought it may be an idea once in a while to remind people of the guys music, make sure he’s aware that people still love him.”

“Sounds excellent, well I’ll let you get on. I hope your friend enjoys your music tonight.”

“Thanks Craig, yeah so do I.” Tommy smiled as his boss walked off. Picking up his guitar he quietly played through the new songs as he waited for the rest of the band to arrive.

Ashley, Isaac and Josh arrived a short while later and immediately got down to rehearsals. Josh was amazed at how quickly everyone learnt the songs and he thanked Tommy for letting him sing one of his favourite Adam songs.

After a couple of hours…

“Right guys let’s go get something to eat, don’t want any rumblings disturbing our performance tonight.

Craig watched as the group of friends waved goodbye, shouting that they’d see him later. He knew he’d done right, asking Tommy to be responsible for the group, he knew it would only get better for all of them. Maybe someone from a record company would visit the club one night, see how good they were and sign them. He laughed to himself, a man can dream.

Adam had showered and was sitting on his bed looking into his closet. _Come on Lambert you’re going to listen to a band not going on a date._ He stopped himself, why was he thinking about a date? Shaking his head he finally decided on black jeans and a Queen t-shirt. He’d put his leather jacket on and his knee high lace up boots.

For the first time in 4 months he sat in front of the mirror and applied a light dusting of smokey grey eye shadow and black eye liner. He looked at the reflection. Yeah he felt better, maybe his mom was right, Tommy was just the person he needed to help him recover. He saw there was something missing, picking up the lip gloss he smiled once he’d applied it. That was the Adam Lambert of old. You’re getting there.

Looking at his watch he had 15 minutes before Tommy and his band went on. He’d probably miss the first song, but he’d catch the rest. Picking up his keys he headed out. If he was honest he was a little nervous, but if he didn’t do this tonight he didn’t think he ever would.

Stopping in the lounge he looked at the last picture he’d had taken with Alex. “Hey baby, well I’m going out, hope you don’t mind. Tommy’s band is playing tonight and I’m going to go listen. I’ll tell you all about it when I get home. Love you baby.”

^V^

As the band walked on stage, Tommy scanned the room looking for Mitchel. He was a little disappointed when he didn’t see him in the crowd.

“Hey TJ you ok?”

“Mmm what? Yeah m’fine.”

“Well it looked like you’d lost a dollar and found a dime.”

“Sorry Ash, I asked a friend to come listen tonight, but I can’t see him anywhere.”

“There’s still time Tommy. He’ll be here. How can anyone miss hearing you play?” she kissed his cheek. “Come on let’s play.”

They began the introduction to Red House and as Josh walked onto the stage the crowd cheered. Tommy smiled he was living his dream.

They played Trespassing next then 20th Century Boy and between each one Tommy scanned the crowd, but he still couldn’t see Mitchel. It wasn’t until they were playing their last but one song that he saw the tall dark haired man standing near the back of the room. He wondered how long he’d been there and what he thought of their sound.

The opening bars of We Are the Champions saw Tommy searching Mitchel’s face for a sign of whether he was enjoying it. Their eyes locked and Mitchel smiled, but Tommy thought the smile didn’t reach the man’s eyes.

They had fun playing and now it was time to introduce the last song for the night. Once the crowd had calmed down enough for Josh to speak he turned to the band and introduced them. The crowd erupted again.

“Thank you ladies and gentlemen. A few weeks ago I never thought I’d be standing here singing with such an amazing band. But I have one indulgence I hope you’ll forgive me for.” The crowd applauded. “I’ll take that as a yes then.” Josh took a deep breath. “I’d like to sing the final song tonight as a tribute to the man who has helped me in so many ways. I know he’s issued a statement that he’s not going to be recording or performing anymore due to personal reasons, but his music is too good for us to forget him altogether. I’d like to dedicate one of his own songs to him wherever he is, in the hope that one day he’ll return to us and allow us to carry on loving him. Ladies and gentlemen please never forget the amazing Adam Lambert and the haunting song Outlaws of Love.”

The audience cheered but as soon as the opening bars began you could have heard a pin drop.

Tommy looked around again, hoping Mitchel liked their choice of music, but no matter how many times he scanned the room Mitchel was gone.

Adam had arrived just in time to catch the end of 20th Century Boy and from the little he’d heard they played it very well. Then with the opening bars of We Are the Champions he smiled and began humming along. They were good, they could play the different genres well. He wondered how they’d be at playing ballads. He saw Tommy looking around and then their eyes met. Adam smiled, he was pleased he’d come along. It was dark enough that no one recognised him but not so dark that Tommy couldn’t see him. Adam noticed that Tommy was wearing eyeliner. _Wow, it enhances your eyes Tommy you should wear it all the time_.

Adam began to relax, he wondered how many more they would be playing, he was sorry he’d arrived late, stupid LA traffic.

The crowd went crazy at the end of the song and Adam added his applause to the mix.

The singer was good, he wasn’t afraid to try for those high notes. Then he began talking. Adam froze on the spot, he was talking about his favourite singer. Adam hoped that…but no there it was…his name. _Fuck Lambert you shouldn’t have come here tonight._ What was the singer saying, his favourite song. Adam held his breath then squeezed his eyes shut as the tears began again. Of all the songs that this man could have chosen to sing he had to pick the one Adam had written for Alex. He couldn’t stay, if he did how would he explain everything to Tommy. Yes he’d promised his mom he’d come clean, but not like this, not now. He had to get out of here. He turned, pushing his way through the crowd that had gathered behind him.

Once outside he took several deep breaths, holding onto the barrier at the front of the club he felt someone beside him.

“Excuse me sir are you ok?”

Adam was vaguely aware of someone speaking but didn’t hear what they’d said.

“Sir are you ok?”

“What? Mmm yeah.”

“Do you need me to get anyone for you?”

“No, m’ok, just got a bit hot in there, felt a bit dizzy.” Adam hoped the guy at the door believed him. “I just need to get home, go to bed.”

“Are you going to be alright to drive?” The doorman had seen the car keys in Adam’s hand.

“Yeah I’ll make sure my windows are open.”

“If you’re sure sir.”

Adam finally looked at the man. “Yeah I’ll be fine, but thank you for caring.”

“Not a problem sir, you drive carefully and take care of yourself.”

“Thank you.” Adam headed back to his car. Climbing in he went to put the key in the ignition but dropped them. That was the final straw, he let the sobs explode from him and releasing his frustration he bashed the steering wheel until his hands hurt.

He didn’t know how long he’d sat there, but he knew he had to get home before the club began emptying. He couldn’t be there when Tommy came out. He wouldn’t know what to say to him. Tommy probably wouldn’t want anything more to do with him, leaving as he had done without even saying hello to him. Reaching down he retrieved his keys, started the engine and screeched out of the parking lot.

When their set was over Tommy raced off stage to the stares of the rest of the band. He had to see if he could find Mitchel. He’d definitely seen him during their Queen song, he’d seen him briefly at the start of Outlaws of Love, but then he’d gone.

“Hey Tommy where’s the fire?”

Tommy waved at Isaac.

“Tommy, what’s wrong?”

Ashley didn’t get an answer, the blond had disappeared.

Tommy pushed his way through to the bar. “Craig did you see a tall dark haired guy?”

“Uh? Tommy there are plenty of tall dark haired guys in here, you’re going to have to be more…” Tommy was gone. Craig watched as he headed over to Mike.

“Hey Mike did you see Mitchel?”

“Ratliff, how would I know if I’d seen him, I don’t know what he looks like.”

“You’re no help.” And Tommy disappeared leaving Mike open mouthed, no clue at all as to what had gotten into his friend.

Tommy pushed his way through to the door. “Sorry, ‘scuse me.” He muttered as people parted like the Red Sea to get out of his way. Bursting through the door he bumped into Scott.

“Sorry man.”

“No problem Tommy, you ok?”

“Yeah…no…not really.”

“Well take a deep breath, calm down and then you can tell me what the matter is. Must be something in the air in there tonight, you’re the second person to come out looking all flustered.”

“What…what do you mean second?” Tommy held his breath hoping what Scott said next wouldn’t be what he was thinking.

“About fifteen minutes ago a guy came out, he didn’t look too well, hung on to the railings there.” Scott pointed to the barrier. “Asked him if he was ok, told me he felt dizzy and had to get home. Funny thing was he sat in his car for ages before he drove off like a bat out of hell.”

“Scott…what did he look like?”

“Oh that’s easy, it’s the guy you told me to let in, said his name was…”

“Fuck!”

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Tommy ran a hand through his hair. “Tommy are you ok?”

“Not really, no.”

“Why would he…”

“Long story Scott, let’s just say I’ve fucked everything up.”

“He didn’t look too well, maybe you could ring him make sure he’s ok.”

“Nngh can’t do that, don’t have his number.”

“Oh. M’sorry man.”

“Not your fault. I was the one who persuaded him to come tonight. I knew it was probably too soon. Aargh! Why did I ask him?”

“Hey Tommy it’s not your fault, when he arrived he was smiling and seemed happy to be here. Maybe it was just too warm in there for him. Maybe he wasn’t feeling very well.”

Tommy squeezed Scott’s shoulder, “thanks, I’m sorry if I…”

“Don’t be. I hope everything works out for you.”

“Thanks Scott. I’d better get back, the others will be wondering where I’ve got to.”

Scott watched as a deflated Tommy went back inside.

Mike was the first to see Tommy arrive back in the club. Placing the empty glasses he’d got, on to the bar, he mouthed to Craig “gonna take Tommy to the office if that’s ok boss? He doesn’t look too good.”

“Yeah that’s fine. He was looking for someone earlier, wonder if he found him and it didn’t go too well.”

“I’ll get it out of him.”

“Tell him to go home if he’s not well.”

“Sure, thanks.”

Craig smiled and nodded his head.

Tommy saw Mike point in the direction of the office, he nodded and followed his friend.

Closing the door, “ok TJ spill, what’s going on?”

“I’ve fucked up Mike.”

“You were amazing out there tonight. All of you were.”

“I’m not talking about playing Mike, I’m talking about Mitchel.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh!”

“So what happened? What did he say?”

“Don’t know, he’d gone before the end of the set. Scott spoke to him when he left, said Mitchel didn’t look too good, said he drove off like a crazy guy.”

“What, why?”

“Don’t know Mike. Maybe it was too soon for him to be out in a club. I knew I shouldn’t have asked him. But shit Mike, I like the guy. I know he’s hurting, but I wanted to help him. I don’t care if he just wants a friend, I can live with that, what I can’t live with is not seeing him again, not talking to him anymore.”

“But you have his number…right?”

“No Mike, I don’t. Didn’t want to push him into anything.”

Mike hugged his best friend. “Oh Tommy, I’m sorry.”

“Yeah me too. I’ve got to wait a fucking week before I can see him again.”

“At least you know he’ll be there next week, go careful though don’t…”

“I’m not stupid Mike!”

“Hey, hey, I’m only…”

“M’sorry I didn’t mean…”

“I know and if you can’t get it off your chest by shouting at me then I’m not a good friend.” He smiled.

“Thank you.”

“That’s what friends are for.”

“Mmm, I’m gonna go home, get some sleep, then decide how I’m going to play this.”

“Good idea. Promise me something though?”

“If I can.”

“Don’t try to find the answers with Jack.”

“I promise. I’m going to need a clear head and Jack does not give me that.”

“Good, and remember, I’m on the end of the phone if you need to talk.”

“Thanks.”

Mike watched as his friend left, shoulders slumped. He hoped for Tommy’s sake Mitchel was there as usual next week. Tommy really had it bad for the guy.

^V^

Adam had been driving around LA not realising where he was going until he pulled up outside his mom’s home. He couldn’t bother her again and especially not at 1am in the morning. He switched off the engine, he didn’t want to go home, not to an empty house. He’d sleep in his car and go see his mom in the morning. Folding the seat back he closed his eyes and miraculously fell asleep.

_Hey baby, where have you been I’ve missed you._

_Adam I’ve missed you too but you need to go._

_Why I want to be with you._

_Not your time my love. You have much more of your life to live._

_But I want to be with you._

_No baby you can’t._

_Alex!_

_Goodbye my love._

_Tommy, what, what are you doing here?_

_I’m here to help you._

_How…_

_You’re hurting…I know…please let me help you?_

_Why?_

_Because I…_

_Tommy!_

Adam woke up, _what the fuck just happened?_ He rubbed his eyes. Someone was banging on the window. Raising his seat he saw the worried look on his mom’s face.

“Adam, sweetheart, please come inside, it’s cold out here.”

Adam opened his door and fell sobbing into his mothers’ outstretched arms.

“Oh honey, what’s happened?”

“I’ve fucked up mom, what am I going to do?”

“You were shouting Tommy’s name. What’s happened now?”

“I’ve been stupid.”

“Come on, let’s go where it’s warm and you can tell me.”

Adam allowed himself to be led inside, all the while going over the dream he’d just had. How had Alex suddenly become Tommy and why, was there a reason he was thinking, even dreaming about the guy.

Once inside he hugged his mother, “thank you.”

“Not done anything yet sweetie.”

“You’re always there for me, even at stupid o’clock in the morning.”

“That’s what mom’s do. We put our children back together when they fall apart. Now, do you want to tell me what happened? You don’t have to but…”

“Yeah mom, I do. I was actually waiting until morning before seeing you…but you found me.”

“Well it’s not often my son sleeps in his car outside my house, so I kinda guessed it may be important.”

“Yeah, m’sorry.”

“Don’t be. Now, let’s sit down and you can tell me why you were shouting Tommy’s name.”

“Oh mom, I don’t know what to do.”

“Well let’s start with you telling me everything.”

Adam half smiled and began telling her everything that had happened that night.

“So mom, I’ve really fucked up this time. Tommy is not going to want to talk to me again. I couldn’t even stay until the end of the set and talk to him.”

“Adam, it was a shock hearing your own song, especially that one. But you have to explain everything to Tommy. You may be surprised at how understanding he might be.”

“But he may hate me. I left remember, just ran out.”

“Well you’re not going to know until you talk to him. Ring him.”

“Can’t mom, not got a number for him.”

“Oh Adam.”

“Gonna have to wait until next week when I go and see Alex.”

Leila hugged her son. “You really like Tommy don’t you?”

“Yeah I do, but he only wants friendship and…”

“Are you saying you want more?”

“I don’t know. I don’t want to betray Alex.”

“And you won’t. Like I said before he wouldn’t want you to stay on your own, not at your young age.”

“Before you woke me I was dreaming.”

“And?”

“And it was about Alex. He told me I had to move on. Then the weirdest thing, Alex was suddenly transformed into Tommy.”

“Maybe it’s Alex’s way of saying he’s ok with everything.”

“I want to believe that, I really do, but I’m scared.”

“I know baby, just take it one step at a time. But you do have to tell Tommy everything, starting with who you really are. No more hiding.”

“I promise, I’ll tell him.”

“Good, now why don’t you go up to your old room and get some sleep. We can work out what you’re going to say to him in the morning.”

“Thank you mom, you’re the best.”

“No. I just love my sons and hate to see them hurting.”

Adam hugged his mother again, then, with a heavy heart dragged his feet to his old room. He felt safe with his mother, she always knew what to do and say to make everything better.

The light shining through the curtains woke Adam. He lay staring at the ceiling.

There was a knock at the door.

“Yeah mom, I’m awake.”

“Morning, how are you feeling?”

“Numb, confused, scared, worried.”

“Wow, just a few emotions going on there then.” Leila smiled. “It’s not as bad as it seems, you’ll see.”

“I don’t want to lose Tommy as a friend.”

“And you won’t, but you do need to tell him everything.”

“I understand that now. I also understand how stupid I was not telling him from the start. I just…”

“I know. Now, enough beating yourself up, you can’t do anything until next week, so how about some of my pancakes for breakfast?”

“Sounds good mom, thank you.”

“Would you do something for me, I know I’ve…”

“Anything.”

“Please don’t tell dad or Neil about these last few days.”

“Of course I won’t, it’s just between you and me.”

“Thank you.”

“Now get your body into the shower, you’ll feel better, and by the time you’re done the pancakes will be ready.” She left, and for the first time Adam believed he would be ok.

^V^

Tommy was operating on auto pilot and all his friends were worried about him. He was doing just enough to get through the day. It was Mike who finally sat him down to talk.

“Tommy are you sure you’re ok?”

“Mmm”

“Thomas Joseph Ratliff, get your scrawny arse over here and talk to me.”

“What?”

“You’ve been avoiding everyone all week except for anything work related and we’re all worried about you.”

“Well don’t be, m’fine.”

“Sit the fuck down and talk to me.”

Tommy, shoulders slumped, threw his wash cloth on the bar and went to sit with Mike. He knew he’d been hell to work with, but the thought of not seeing Mitchel anymore hurt like hell. He shouldn’t be feeling like this, the guy wasn’t interested in him, he just wanted a friend. So why had he run the other night? Tommy needed to see him, tell him he was there for him. Hell he’d just be a friend, but he needed to see him.

“K, you’ve got my attention, what do you want?”

“I want you to tell me what the fuck is eating you up.”

Tommy sighed. “M’sorry Mike.”

“Cut the sorry, just talk to me.”

“Ok. I have to see Mitchel, I have to know that we are still friends. I have to know why he ran last Friday night, was it something I did, was it me asking him here too soon after losing Alex.”

“Well you’ll be able to ask him tomorrow, it’s Thursday and you’ll both be visiting won’t you?”

“Yeah, but how do I know he’ll want to talk to me?”

“Tommy you’re not going to know unless you make the move and tell him everything is ok.”

“You’re right, and I’m sorry.”

“Look, I can see how much you like him. Take it one step at a time. Be there for him as a friend. By all accounts he could use one of those right now.”

“You have become a very wise person Mike…what happened?” Tommy smiled.

“I just don’t like seeing my friends hurt.”

“Thank you.”

“You can thank me when you tell me everything is alright between you and Mitchel.”

“Ok, now I had better get back to work.”

“Oh no TJ, you should go home, rest and figure out what you’re going to say to him.”

“What about Craig?”

“I’ll tell Craig you weren’t feeling too good.”

“Thanks man, I owe you.”

“You can repay me by introducing me to the man that my best friend has fallen hook, line and sinker for.”

Tommy flipped off his friend.

“Now that’s the Tommy I know and love.”

They laughed as Tommy said goodbye.

All the way home he went over and over what he was going to say to Mitchel the following day. No matter how much he replayed it everything just sounded stupid. He decided the best thing to do was just see what happened.

Opening his apartment door the first thing he saw was his guitar. Grabbing a coffee and ringing for take away he took his baby and his coffee through to his bedroom. Tuning her he began playing. Without realising he started playing Mad World. He smiled, that was the first song he’d heard Mitchel sing. “Oh Mitchel, such an appropriate song for what’s happening now. It feels like we’re in a Mad World and I hope that there’s a light at the end of our crazy tunnel.”

The door-bell rang, his food had arrived, he wasn’t really hungry but he had to eat something, he wouldn’t be any good to anyone or anything if he didn’t eat.

He yawned, he hadn’t been sleeping well, his insomnia was back with a vengeance. It hadn’t been this bad since his dad was rushed to hospital. He hoped after talking to Mitchel he would be able to sleep better. Putting the pizza to one side, he’d have some later, he went back to his bedroom. Lying down he stared at the ceiling hoping he could say the right things to the gorgeous dark haired man without sounding stupid.

Closing his eyes, picturing the beautiful blue eyes, he finally fell asleep.

Adam had spent a lot of time at his mothers’ that week, he couldn’t face going home to his empty apartment. She’d told him he could move back in, but he’d declined saying he needed his own space.

He woke before his alarm went off and as he lay thinking he realised it was now or never that he told Tommy everything. Looking at his clock he had 3 hours before he usually visited Alex. His heart speeded up, yes he wanted to see Tommy, explain everything, but he was scared that Tommy would tell him to get lost. _Well done Lambert. One guy who was prepared to be your friend without asking too many questions is now probably not going to want anything to do with you._ He groaned, he wouldn’t know until he saw him. He couldn’t blame Tommy if he never wanted to see him again…only himself. Taking himself into the shower he let the hot water cascade down his back, words running through his mind as to what he was going to say to Tommy when he saw him that afternoon.

Wrapping a towel around his waist he dragged his sorry arse back to his bedroom. Grabbing the first things he saw he got dressed. Looking in the mirror he contemplated putting make up on. The dark circles under his eyes a tell-tale sign that he hadn’t been sleeping well. Sighing he sat in front of his dressing table mirror, his hand hovering over his favourite eye shadow. _What the fuck, you need to get some normality back in your life._ He picked up the brush and began applying smokey grey shadow. Ten minutes later he was adding the finishing touches to his make-up. Instead of light pink lip gloss he’d decided on clear. He wasn’t going to a bar, but to visit Alex. Forcing a smile he pushed away from the dressing table. Checking out his full image in the mirror on the back of his wardrobe door he nodded, he’d do. Who could go wrong in black jeans, band t-shirt and boots. Retrieving his leather jacket from the wardrobe he headed down to his kitchen. He really didn’t feel like eating but he knew he had to have something. Coffee and toast was the easiest thing and sitting down at the counter he stared at the lock screen picture of Alex on his phone. He nearly dropped it when it buzzed.

Swearing to himself he opened the message, smiling when he saw it was from his mother. **Morning sweetie, just letting you know everything will be ok. Say hi to Alex for me and let me know how things go. Remember I’m here for you.** “Oh mom, you always know what to say, he messaged her back. **Thanks mom, I love you, I’ll call by on the way home.**

**And I love you too. But take Tommy for a coffee and don’t bother with your mom, he’s more important. You can ring me later.**

Adam smiled **K mom, I’ll go for a coffee. Speak later xx**

He looked at his watch he had 45 minutes before he knew Tommy would be at the cemetery, plus he needed to call at the florists for his rose. Grabbing his keys he headed out.

Tommy had slept for maybe 2 hours but for most of the night he’d tossed and turned. Now looking in the mirror he looked like hell. The shower had woken him up but the bags under his eyes looked like they’d carry his guitar. _Well Ratliff you can’t go looking like that._ He expertly applied his eye shadow making sure it was enough to take the onlookers eyes away from the bags. Eyeliner and lip gloss later he kinda felt human again.

Grabbing a quick coffee and a slice of cold pizza, he looked at his watch. His heart was racing, nervous at seeing Mitchel again. _For goodness sake Tommy you’re a grown man not a teenager. He’s a friend not a lover_. Tommy shook his head where had lover come from? He thought back to the previous week, how Mitchel’s hand had felt in his. _Whoa what was that?_ His face felt flushed and what the fuck his blood supply was quickly re-routing to his dick. No this could not be happening, he couldn’t face his friend with a boner. He had to do something. He thought about his ex girlfriend. Yep that did it every time.

He had 30 minutes before he knew Mitchel would be at the cemetery. Grabbing his hoodie and car keys he headed for the door. Stopping he turned and went back for his guitar. He would play for his dad and maybe if Mitchel heard he would sing again.

Tommy arrived at the cemetery and taking his time getting out of the car he hoped he would see Mitchel. If he was at Alex’s grave then he wouldn’t disturb him, he’d play and hope the gorgeous man would sing.

Making his way to his dad he paused as he got up to the area where he knew Alex was. No Mitchel yet. Maybe he was running later today, maybe Tommy was early. He hesitated, looking around to see if he could spot the tall man, but nothing.

On his way to his dad he nodded a greeting to Mrs Griffiths who smiled when she saw his guitar. Sitting down he brushed away some stray leaves. “Hey dad, yep another week has gone by and boy what a week it’s been. So much has happened and well…” he carried on telling his dad everything from meeting Mitchel for coffee to the guy disappearing from the Club. “So dad I’m hoping he’s here today so I can tell him I’m there for him. But before I go, am gonna play you something.” Tommy picked up his guitar and began playing his dad’s favourite song.

Not sure how long he played, but something caught his eye. Looking around he hoped it was Mitchel. Disappointed when he saw it was a young boy with a cute puppy. “Oh dad, I was hoping Mitchel would be here by now, but I’ve not heard him. I’m going to go take a look, I’ll be back next week and I’ll tell you how things went. Thanks for everything as always dad, I love you.” He stood, stretching all his muscles, they’d seized up being sat in one position for too long.

Making his way back towards his car he paused at the trees again, but still no Mitchel. Where was he? He was usually here by now. Had something happened to him? Fuck he hoped he’d not finished what Tommy stopped him doing a couple of weeks ago. The blond started to walk towards Alex’s grave then stopped himself. He didn’t have the right to intrude. What if Mitchel saw him and was mad with him. No he’d go sit in the car and wait to see if the dark haired man arrived.

Tommy sat in his car nearly 15 minutes, he was worried about Mitchel, he needed to know he was alright. Maybe he’d missed him going past. He made the decision to go back to the grave, he wouldn’t disturb the man if he was there he just needed to know he was ok.

Locking his car he looked around but he couldn’t see Mitchel anywhere. As he made his way to the grave he silently prayed to whoever was listening for his friend to be there and be alright.

Approaching the area he saw nothing, no-one was there. His heart dropped. Inching closer he kept glancing around. He felt guilty going to look at something that wasn’t his business. Still no Mitchel.

Getting closer Tommy noticed a withered rose. So that meant he hadn’t been to visit yet. Taking one final look around Tommy sat down, he made up his mind to read the headstone.

What he saw didn’t make sense. He read it again. Nope, he’d read it the same each time, he must have the wrong grave. He stood, slowly moving from one to another, reading each inscription carefully. He soon realised that this one must be the right one, but why was it saying _**Loving boyfriend of Adam**_ why wasn’t Mitchel’s name on the headstone. Tommy now had more questions. Who was this Adam? He brushed away some dead leaves exposing the photograph. He held his breath. The image staring back at him was of a beautiful blond man with the deepest brown eyes imaginable.

Tommy touched the photograph, then ran a hand through his own hair. Why, if Mitchel was this guy’s boyfriend had he lied? Was his name really Adam? And why hadn’t he told Tommy what Alex was like? Was this Mitchel or whoever he was just friends with Tommy because he had blond hair too? Why had Mitchel asked what Tommy’s type of guy was, when he couldn’t even tell him the truth about his own?

Tommy stood “Fuck you Mitchel Adams, if that is even your name. You lied to me, how do I know your friendship is genuine? Well enough.” He stormed off, he’d had enough of lies. No-one treated him like that, not any more.

Climbing in his car he didn’t see the tall dark haired man hiding behind a tree not far from Alex’s grave.

^V^

Adam was late arriving at the cemetery. He’d met his brother coming out of the florist. Neil had a huge bouquet in his arms and Adam had joked about what he’d done to get into Elisse’s bad books to be buying such a large bouquet of flowers. Neil had denied doing anything then when Adam had laughed his brother had known he was only joking. Neil had gone on to explain he was going to propose and put the ring in with the flowers. The brothers had chatted longer than expected but Adam was pleased for his little brother and wished him all the best. Neil told him they were having a party and Adam was invited. A careful hug later, so as not to squash the flowers, they said goodbye with Adam agreeing to be at the party.

He’d rushed into the florist, bought his red rose and headed to see Alex, finding a petit blond sitting at the grave staring at the photograph.

Adam stopped in his tracks, this was not how this was supposed to go. _He_ was supposed to tell Tommy everything over a coffee.

Adam hid, he couldn’t face Tommy, not now. He stared at the outrage the blond showed, tears slowly running down his face. He’d really blown it now. He’d lost the only friend that didn’t judge him. Well that was over now, if he ever got to speak to the blond again would said man ever trust him?

Adam watched as Tommy stormed off, making sure he didn’t see him hiding like a coward. Once he’d watched the man get into his car he went to talk to Alex. “Hey baby, I’m sorry I’m late, Neil’s going to propose to Elisse. Never thought he’d find someone that would make him happy, but she’s amazing.” Adam ran his fingers over the photograph. “I see you had a visitor earlier, that was Tommy, remember I told you about him? He is…was my friend. Oh Alex I’ve blown it, he’s not going to want to talk to me ever again. I lied to him and now he’s not going to trust me ever again. What am I going to do? He believed in me, told me you wouldn’t want me doing anything stupid. I’m losing all my friends and I thought…shit Alex I miss you. I’m sorry baby I shouldn’t take it out on you. I was going to tell him the truth but…well he’s found out…” Adam began crying. Placing the rose down and removing the wilted one he stood. “I’m sorry baby, I have to go, I promise I’ll be back next week. I have to see if I can find Tommy. I have to explain everything to him. I love you Alex and I’ll see you next week.”

Wiping away his tears he headed back to his car and for the first time in several weeks he had his head down, his hands in his pockets. He felt sick and alone again.

Tommy sat in his car, he was mad but something prevented him from driving off straight away. He didn’t know who he was more angry at, Mitchel for lying to him or himself for having feelings for the guy. Feelings he shouldn’t really be having.

He finally pulled out of the parking lot and drove. He didn’t know where he was driving to he just needed to get away, have thinking time. There must have been a reason for Mitchel to do and say what he did. Why couldn’t he trust Tommy enough to tell him the truth? It must be something or someone he’s afraid of. Have his friends really done such a number on him that he finds it difficult to trust anyone. _You were there for him you said you’d be a friend if he needed someone to talk to and what’s the first thing you do when you find out something about him? You run, you get angry. Ratliff you are a lousy friend._

He pulled over, he had to do something, let Mitchel know he was still there for him, but what. His phone rang.

“Hey Mike what’s up?”

“Just wanted to make sure you’re ok.”

“Yeah I’m ok.”

“Did you find Mitchel?”

“No he wasn’t there. Look I have to do something, can’t explain just yet. In fact I’m not sure of everything myself.”

“You’re not making much sense TJ.”

“Sorry Mike, I promise as soon as I find out I’ll let you know.”

“K, see you tomorrow, and Tommy…”

“Yeah?”

“Everything will work out.”

“Mmm thanks.”

“No worries.” Mike hung up.

Pulling away from the curb he had an idea, maybe if he went back and sat near Alex’s grave he would be there when Mitchel arrived.

Driving back into the parking lot he took a deep breath, he told Mike he could stand being friends with Mitchel but he couldn’t stand not seeing him again. Climbing out he headed over to the grave, stopping before he reached it. Mitchel had been already, there was a fresh rose. Tommy had missed him. “Fuck, now what am I going to do?”

Moving towards the headstone, “Hey Alex, whoa, erm…you don’t know me but I’m Tommy, I’m Mitchel’s friend. I…erm…well I was hoping to find him here, but it looks like I’ve missed him.” Tommy looked around, he was on his own, it was getting late. Why had he come back? The wind blew and he pulled his coat tighter around him. He looked down at the picture of the pretty blond and shivered. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come back I just…” the wind blew again moving the rose. Tommy smiled, “thank you Alex you’ve just given me an idea. I hope this works. I’ll take care of him I promise.” He got up, he knew what he had to do. If it didn’t work then he’d know Mitchel didn’t want anything to do with him. Well that was the risk he had to take. Looking at his watch it was too late to do anything tonight, he’d put his plan into action first thing in the morning. Feeling some of the weight lift from his shoulders he headed home.

Tommy didn’t sleep properly again that night, he was thinking about what he was going to do. When his alarm went off he groaned and crawled out from under the duvet. He’d promised to be at the club for 11 so he had to move his scrawny arse.

A quick shower and then a coffee for breakfast he was ready to put his plan into action. Grabbing his keys he smiled as he left his apartment. _What do I write on the card? Don’t want it to sound…mushy, but don’t want it to sound abrupt._ He was humming We Are the Champions as he pulled up outside the florists.

He hesitated, was he doing the right thing or… _Come on Ratliff you need to know if he’s alright, this is the only way_. As he approached the shop door he knew it had to be a different coloured rose, it couldn’t be red, that was special between Mitchel and Alex. As he walked through the door his attention was drawn to a beautiful multi-coloured orange and yellow rose. That was the one. He’d never bought flowers for anyone, not in person, not like this. He was conscious of others in the shop and he wondered if they were watching him. _Pull yourself together, you can do this_. He saw the young assistant watching him.

“Good morning sir, how can I help you?”

“Erm, those orange roses near the door…”

“Ah yes sir they are rather beautiful aren’t they?”

“Mmm, erm how much is just one…please?”

“A single rose is $3 sir.”

“K, I’ll take one please and, erm, do you have a card that I could put with it.”

“Yes sir, is it for someone special?”

“Um…it’s…”

“No problem sir. I’ll show you what we have.” She reached under the counter and brought out a wooden tray filled with several different cards. “If you’d care to look through these whilst I get you the rose.”

“Thank you.” Tommy flicked through the small cards, choosing one with the simple word _hello_ on it. He didn’t know what else would be appropriate.

“Here you go sir.” The assistant held 4 roses, “I’ve found these, which one would you like?”

“Oh, erm…”

“She must be a special person for you to come in personally. Normally we have gentlemen ringing and ordering flowers for their girlfriends.”

“But it’s…never mind.” Tommy couldn’t tell her it wasn’t for a girl. “I’ll…well I’ll…” he looked at the roses, “that one please.” He pointed to the one that was not quite a bud, but not quite fully opened.

“Good choice sir, have you chosen the card?”

“Yes, this one will be fine.”

“Thank you. Would you like anything writing on it?”

“Not sure what I’m going to put yet so if it’s ok I’ll just take it as it is.”

“Not a problem. Let me fasten it to the rose then you won’t lose it.”

“Oh, thank you.” Tommy felt a little embarrassed. Here he was buying a rose for Mitchel and the assistant thought it was for his girlfriend.

“Here you go sir, is that ok for you?” she handed over the flower.

Passing her the money, “is there extra charge for the card and…well this?” he pointed to the ribbon.

“No sir, all in the price.”

“Thank you.” He picked the flower up and headed for the door.

“I hope she likes your choice sir.”

Tommy was pleased he had his back to her as he was now blushing, “thank you.”

As he got outside he had to hold on to his car, he was shaking and his heartbeat was racing. _What the fuck, you’ve only bought a single rose, not the whole fuckin’ florists_. He took several deep breaths before getting back into his car.

On the drive to the cemetery he argued with himself, what to write on the card. It wasn’t big enough for an apology or an explanation. He didn’t just want to put his name, he wanted Mitchel to know he was there for him. What could he write?

As he pulled into the parking lot his phone buzzed. That was it, he would leave his number along with his name. smiling he retrieved a pen from the glove box and wrote on the card. His phone buzzed again, they were impatient whoever it was. Well they’d have to wait, this was more important.

Checking there was no-one watching, he headed towards Alex’s grave. In a way he was hoping Mitchel wasn’t there, he couldn’t do this if he was. Breathing a sigh of relief when he saw he was on his own.

He looked around one more time before approaching the headstone. “Hey, I’m…um sorry to bother you again, but I need to talk to Mitchel. This…this was the only way I could think of contacting him. I want to be there for him, want to be his friend, if he’ll let me. He loves you I can see it in his eyes when he talks about you. I’m not trying to take him from you, but I won’t lie, I do have deeper feelings for him but I’m never going to act on them. It’s too soon for him, besides he’s said he only wants to be friends. Thank you Alex for bringing him into my life. I promise you I will always take care of him.” Tommy placed the rose next to the red one and stood.

His phone buzzed for the third time, but he wasn’t interested in what they had to say, they could wait. He looked at the photograph of Alex one more time before turning and heading back to his car.

His phone rang. “What!”

“Whoa Tommy, you ok?”

“I would be if my phone didn’t keep buzzing and ringing.”

“Sorry Tommy, but we were getting worried about you, it’s gone 11 and you said…”

“M’on my way, had something important to do.”

“Something or someone?”

“Fuck Ashley why does it always come down to sex?”

“Hey Tommy give me a break here, I was just trying to ease the tension, didn’t ring to get my head bitten off.”

“M’sorry Ash, I just had a really important errand to do, it couldn’t wait.” Tommy really was on edge, he must apologise properly to his friend when he got to the club.

“S’ok TJ, I forgive you. Now we’re all here waiting for our badass guitarist to arrive then we can rehearse ready for tonight.”

“I’m on my way. Is Mike there?”

“Yeah, do you want to speak to him?”

“No, just tell him I’ll see him when I get there.”

“Ok, see you soon Tommy.”

“Yeah.” He hung up, he had to be careful he couldn’t tell the band about Mitchel, they’d think he was crazy. He’d tell Mike what he’d done and then all he could do then was wait. Wait to see if Mitchel rang him.

 

tbc

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=_9SqAPcLGq4
> 
> Thanks to zazajb for finding this version of Outlaws of Love. As she told me, and I agree with her, it's a beautiful version. Enjoy.


	5. Chapter 5

Adam had wanted to speak to Tommy, but he was scared. He’d told Alex he was going to find him but the only way he could do that was to go to Bar 39 where the blond worked. _Could he risk going during the day and be recognised by someone? Or should he wait until Friday night when he knew the band were playing?_ If he did that he’d probably risk hearing more of his own songs and he didn’t think he’d be able to stomach hearing songs he’d written for his beautiful boyfriend. He was pacing around his apartment, if only he hadn’t stalled when he saw Tommy yesterday. He’d been frightened, frightened in case Tommy didn’t want anything more to do with him. He looked at his watch, 11.30am. He’d drive to Bar 39 and see what happened when he got there.

Grabbing his keys he headed out. But once in the car he found he couldn’t bring himself to go to the bar. _You’re a coward Lambert. You have to talk to him_. Instead he headed towards the cemetery. He needed to be near Alex, wanted to tell him how stupid he was being. He just wanted to be able to talk and not be judged.

Pointing his car in the direction of the cemetery he vowed to go and see Tommy later. He’d never been here on a Friday morning and he was surprised at how quiet it was. There were very few people visiting their loved ones. He left his phone in the glove-box, he didn’t want to be disturbed, not today, not whilst he was talking to Alex.

Approaching the grave Adam noticed something different. He couldn’t quite see what it was but there was something else lying next to his rose. Who had been there? What had they left? Was it vandals? No, nothing looked broken. He looked around to see if there was anyone else there. No-one.

As he got closer he saw it was a beautiful rose. He smiled, who could have been there? It certainly wasn’t Alex’s family, they lived out of town. Neil, maybe he’d been with Elisse and put a rose from that huge bouquet there.

He noticed a card tied to the stem, he was even more curious now. Sitting down “hey baby, no it’s not been a week already, it’s only Friday, I’ve come to see you again, but I see you’ve already had a visitor. Looks like Neil and …” He’d picked the rose up to read the card and spotted Tommy’s name and cell phone number. He held his breath, Tommy had taken time to come back. He wanted to believe that Tommy had forgiven him, maybe this was a way of saying sorry, he reached into his pocket for his phone. “Fuck!” He’d left it in his car. Taking the card off the rose he placed it into his pocket, he’d ring Tommy when he got back to his car. “Sorry baby, got slightly distracted. Oh my Tommy has left me his phone number. He’s giving me a chance to explain, to apologise for my stupid behaviour last week. I’m going to ring him. After all I’ve done, how stupid I was, he still wants to talk to me. I hope…oh baby I hope we can still be friends. He’s not like the others. But hey I told you that before. I’ll be back next week. I love you.”

Adam as always brushed his fingers over Alex’s photo. Then he stopped. Tommy had seen the photograph, he knew what Alex looked like, knew that Adam liked blond guys.

“Oh I’m sorry Tommy. Sorry for everything.” Adam couldn’t ring him, he’d think he was lying again, how could he deny that Tommy was similar to Alex. He had to think, to be able to speak to Tommy without the blond getting angry with him.

Walking back to his car he decided to work out what he was going to say before he rang him. Putting his car into gear he headed home.

Tommy’s week wasn’t any better than the previous one. In fact this week had been a complete disaster. First he’d locked himself out of his apartment, having to get Mike over with his spare keys to let him in. Then he’d broken 2 strings on his acoustic guitar and lastly, he’d not had a phone call from Mitchel. He thought he’d at least have received a message from him, even if the guy didn’t want to ring. All Tommy wanted was to know that Mitchel was alright. He knew he’d got the card as Tommy had made an early morning visit to Alex 2 days after he’d left the rose, and noticed that the card had gone. Well at least he’d been bothered to take the card.

It was now nearly a week since he’d left it and no contact whatsoever. Well Mitchel Adam’s you can go…

“Hey Tommy!”

Tommy’s thoughts of what Mitchel could do were interrupted when Mike shouted him.

“Tommy Joe Ratliff are you even listening to me?”

Tommy stopped wiping the table. “Yeah, am listening, what do you want Mike?”

“You’ve been like a bear with a sore head all week. What gives?”

“Nothin’, m’ok”

“No Tommy you’re not. Now you can either tell me now before the crowd arrive or we can have it out after work. At which point we’ll both be knackered and probably end up shouting at one another.”

Tommy’s shoulders slumped, he knew Mike was right. He’d been a little shit all week, even his playing with the rest of the band had suffered and he didn’t want to mess up Friday night. “Got stuff on my mind.”

“Well that’s what friends are for. You gonna tell me what’s on that tiny mind of yours or do I have to withhold Jack from you for the next week.” “Tommy smiled. “That’s better, that’s more like the Ratliff I know and love.”

Tommy put down his cloth and plonked himself into one of the chairs. “Hell Mike I don’t know what to do.”

“Well there’s just you and me here so come on, tell Uncle Mike everything.”

Tommy laughed. “K. It’s Mitchel.”

“Well I’d gathered that, didn’t think locking yourself out or breaking guitar strings would make you this grumpy.” Tommy sighed. “So TJ you’re gonna have to explain further ‘cause just saying it’s Mitchel isn’t gonna work.”

“M’sorry, just…”

“Just start from the beginning.”

“Ok, here goes.”

Tommy spent the next 30 minutes explaining everything that had happened right up to him leaving the rose with his number.

“Ok, so I guess by the grumpiness, he’s not rung you?”

“Nope, nor messaged. So I guess he doesn’t want anything more to do with me.”

“You don’t know that Tommy, maybe he’s…”

“Don’t…don’t say he’s been busy. What would it take just to message me to let me know he’s ok.”

“I get that. But how about this. Maybe _he’s_ the one who’s embarrassed for running off and he doesn’t know what to say to you. As for his name not being on Alex’s headstone, I…well he must have a good reason for that too.”

“I know all of that. I just don’t know what to do anymore.” Tommy picked at his nail varnish.

“You have got it bad haven’t you? Ok, so hear me out before you say anything.”

“K, but…”

“No buts Tommy.” Tommy nodded. “Right, you’re going to see your dad tomorrow?” Tommy nodded again. “Good, now you said when you took your guitar he started singing.”

“Yeah, but…”

“Aah! What did I say? Just listen.”

“K!”

“So you take your guitar tomorrow and you play. Not just for your dad but for Alex too.”

Tommy looked at him shocked. “I can’t…”

“Shut up and listen.” Tommy sighed. “Right, you go see your dad, then you go see Alex but you don’t stay, you leave a note for Mitchel saying where you are, then you go back and sit with your dad and play. On the note you say that your music is for everyone who has lost someone. You said that woman had commented as much. That way he won’t think it strange you playing.”

“Oh, ok. I understand. But what happens if he doesn’t turn up?”

“He hasn’t missed one day yet has he? He was late last week, but you did say he’d been.”

“Yeah, ok, I don’t suppose it’d hurt to try that.”

“Great, now can we have your badass Tommy Joe back, or do we have to wait longer?”

Tommy finally laughed. “Ok, the badass will be back. M’sorry man, I just…”

“Yeah I know. Will you promise me something else Tommy?”

“If I can.”

“Let him explain without calling him out. He’s hurting remember, it’s gonna be difficult for him to tell you everything.”

“Yeah, I know Mike and I’ll not push him. I’ll tell him he doesn’t have to explain if he doesn’t want to.”

“That’s my boy.” Mike went over to Tommy and hugged him.

“Whoa, sorry boys, am I interrupting a _moment_ here?” Craig laughed as he appeared out of the office.

“Erm, no…erm…not really.”

“Mike quit while you’re ahead, Craig knows you’re not my type.”

“Gee thanks, oh and all that advice I’ve just given you, after that comment, forget it.” Tommy flipped Mike off. “Aw and I thought ya loved me TJ?”

“I do. Seriously, thanks Mike and I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, you’re both going through a tough time.”

“Is there something I’m missing here?”

“Long story Craig, I’ll tell you one day.”

“Ok. I just came to ask if you’re all ready for Friday night.”

“Yeah, is there a problem?”

“No problem, we just have a record producer coming in. He’s heard about Josh and wants to see for himself.”

“Wow, great news for Josh, it’s what he’s wanted.”

“But don’t you want it too Tommy?”

“Yeah, someday, got a lot on my plate right now and if Josh can make it happen then I’m happy for him.”

“You’re a great guy Ratliff.”

“Yeah, yeah Mike. I just want one guy to notice that.”

“And he will, just take it slowly.”

“Thanks.”

“I’ll let you tell Josh.”

“Um can I make a suggestion?”

“Sure Tommy.”

“Don’t tell him. If he knows, he’s going to freak. Remember that first night when his mom was here?”

“Yep. Ok, I’ll go with that. Thanks guys.”

“Not a problem.”

The rest of the night went pretty smoothly with Tommy only breaking one glass.

Mike saw him staring at the pieces. “Hey it’s gonna be ok tomorrow.”

“I know.”

“And that glass isn’t gonna clean itself up.”

“I know that too.”

Mike handed him a mop and between them they cleared up.

By the end of the night Tommy was ready for sleeping.

“You go home Tommy I’ll finish up here.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, go get some sleep and remember it will work out.”

“Thanks Mike.”

“No worries, that’s what friends are for.”

Tommy retrieved his jacket from the office said goodnight to Craig and thanked Mike again for everything.

Twenty minutes later Tommy was crawling under his duvet hoping his enemy, insomnia, didn’t come calling tonight, he wanted to be awake when he visited his dad tomorrow. Five minutes after switching his light off he was asleep.

^V^

The noise woke him, but he couldn’t understand what it was. Rubbing his sleep glazed eyes Tommy flung his arm from under the duvet to switch off what he thought was his alarm. Hitting it in the right place, or so he hoped, didn’t work. Turning to face his bedside table he realised it wasn’t his clock but his phone that was ringing. Climbing out of bed he dragged himself to the dressing table but by the time he got there it had stopped. Looking at the screen he saw that whoever it was had withheld their number.

“Fuck! Why didn’t you hang on, I was on my way.” If it was important they’d ring back. He checked the time, 8am, he had a couple of hours before he usually went to see his dad. He could still smell cigarettes and booze on himself from the club, so his first priority was shower.

Standing under the hot spray he breathed deeply. If he said he wasn’t scared he’d be lying. He’d never had these kinds of feelings for anyone in his life. He knew those feeling may not be reciprocated, but he’d be happy being Mitchel’s friend.

Wrapping a towel around his waist he went back to his bedroom to decide what to wear. _You’re not going on a date, so why does it matter what you put on?_ He laughed to himself, he’d been in this position a couple of weeks ago when he went for lunch with the good looking man. _Face it you’re not gonna be anything but a friend so why bother?_ But Tommy felt good for the first time all week. Taking out his black skinny jeans and his Metallica t-shirt he quickly dried himself and got dressed. Heading to his kitchen he checked his phone, whoever had rung hadn’t called back, couldn’t have been important then?

Taking his coffee through to his lounge, he couldn’t face anything to eat, the butterflies in his stomach were training for the next Olympics and were flipping around like they were taking diving lessons from Tom Daley. He spotted his guitar standing in the corner, placing his coffee mug on the table he went to pick it up. Caressing it, she was his baby after all, he took her back to the sofa. If he was going to take her with him he’d have to make sure she was in tune.

Once he began playing he lost himself in the music and it was his phone ringing again that brought him back to the present. Carefully putting his guitar down he picked up his phone and thumbed the answer icon.

“Hello, Tommy speaking!”

Nothing.

“Hello, who’s there?”

Again, nothing.

“Look if you’re some wise ass kid just dialling any number for the fun of it then piss off.”

They disconnected.

Tommy stared at his phone. _Stupid kids_. Looking at the time, he’d have to hurry if he was going to see his dad for 10 o’clock.

His coffee had gone cold, so tipping it down the sink he made a mental note to call at the coffee shop on the way. Picking up his keys and guitar he headed off to see his dad, hopefully a tall dark haired gorgeous man would be there too.

^V^

Adam had had a quiet week, he’d spoken to his mom, told her about the rose, to which she’d insisted he ring Tommy or at least message him to let him know he was ok. But each time Adam had picked up his phone his nerves got the better of him and he’d chickened out. He’d also talked to Neil and congratulated him again when he’d told him Elisse had said yes. They chatted about the engagement party, how long the engagement would be and Neil had even asked him to be his best. Adam had hesitated but prodding from Neil and telling him he could embarrass his little brother in the best man’s speech had Adam laughing and agreeing to do it.

But all that was at the beginning of the week. It was now Thursday and he was getting ready to go and chat to Alex. He hadn’t rung nor messaged Tommy, he’d made the excuse he’d been busy. Who was he kidding? He hadn’t done it for fear of rejection.

Looking at the time he had a couple of hours before he had to leave. Picking up his phone and the card Tommy had left, he dialled the number. It rang…and rang. _You’re stupid Lambert, he’s probably not up yet, he works in a club so may not have gone to bed early_. He hung up.

He needed coffee, so after switching the kettle on he went through to his lounge. Several times he picked up his phone to dial Tommy, and several times he put it back down. It was too late wasn’t it? It had been a week since the blond had left that rose.

With coffee in hand he sat on the sofa staring at his phone, _Come on Adam, just ring him, he’s only going to say yes he’ll talk to you or he’ll tell you to get lost_. Taking a deep breath Adam thumbed the redial. It rang then, _“Hello! Tommy speaking”_ What could he say, hi it’s Mitchel? He froze and then he heard the blond ask who was there. Adam’s throat seemed to close up. Nothing came from his mouth. He could picture Tommy on the other end getting irritated. Then there it was, an angry Tommy saying something about a wise ass kid. Adam hung up. _Nngh why couldn’t I speak to him?_ He looked at the photographs of Alex around the apartment. He needed to go and talk to him.

Picking up his jacket and keys, cold coffee abandoned on the table, he headed to the place he felt at ease. Maybe he would even catch a glimpse of Tommy.

Tommy arrived at the cemetery and as he was getting out of his car he thought it felt like someone was watching him. He looked around, nope he couldn’t see anyone or more importantly couldn’t see Mitchel.

“Good morning Tommy.”

Tommy squeaked in surprise, “oh good morning Mrs Griffiths.”

“I’m so sorry if I made you jump.”

“No, that’s ok, I was just looking for someone.”

“Oh?”

“Mmm, that person we heard singing, I’ve found him and well, we’ve become friends…I think. But he’s been through a rough time, and I was hoping…Oh never mind, you don’t want to hear about me. How are you today ma’am?”

“You’re such a polite young man, I’m sure your parents are very proud of you.” She saw Tommy smile. “I’m slowly getting there Tommy, thank you for asking. What about you?”

“Oh, I’m ok thank you. Working hard and still visiting dad helps.”

“I’m glad it helps you. Well I’ll let you get on, see if you can find that gentleman and if you do, please tell him I think he has a beautiful voice.”

“I will do Mrs Griffiths, thank you.”

“Goodbye Tommy.”

“Goodbye Mrs Griffiths and please take care of yourself.”

She smiled and waved as Tommy watched her walk in the direction of her husband. He hoped one day he’d find someone who he loved, and was able to spend the rest of his life with. Then he thought about how Mitchel had thought he’d found that in Alex, but… But was he telling the truth? If so why wasn’t his name on Alex’s headstone? And more importantly who was this Adam?

Tommy sighed, well he’d tried, he’d left his cellphone number, Mitchel had had a full week to call him, he’d have been happy with a message. He just wanted to know if… _If what Tommy Joe? You’re still friends? You don’t just want that though do you? Ratliff get your arse over to see you dad and forget Mitchel. If he wanted you in his life as a friend then he’d have been in contact_. Tommy retrieved his guitar from the back seat and headed to see his dad.

Adam pulled into the parking lot just as Tommy was getting out of his car. He wasn’t ready to talk to him, not yet. He needed to be sure what he was going to tell him. His mom had been right, he should come clean about who he really is, but would Tommy listen to him? Would he tell him to get lost? Adam remained in his car watching the blond talk to an older female. He smiled, Tommy had a big heart, always helping people, helping him. Why had he been so pig headed and lied to him? He needed Tommy, yes he could admit to that now, he’d been stupid. _Ok Lambert so what’re you gonna do about it? You have to sort it out or you’re going to lose him even as a friend. And you don’t want that. Admit it you’re beginning to have feelings for him other than friendship aren’t you?_ Adam sighed, he’d felt something when they’d had coffee last week. When he held Tommy’s hand there was…what…a spark? Had Tommy felt it too? Was that why neither of them had let go?

He looked in the direction of Tommy’s car, but the blond had disappeared. “FUCK!” _Come on Lambert, if you don’t move your arse today and go and talk to him you’re gonna lose his friendship too_. Picking up the rose from the passenger seat he headed to see Alex. He needed to think and being with his boyfriend was the way to do it.

Tommy sat down. “Hey dad, it’s a lovely day today, the sun’s shining and I’m doing ok. Work is amazing, we have a record producer coming in tomorrow to listen to us play. Well more of listening to Josh sing. I’m good with that for now. I know I said I wanted to play professionally but, there’s some stuff going on right now that I need to try to resolve, but I don’t know how. Oh dad, you remember me telling you about a guy called Mitchel? Well I’m not sure he’s who he says he is and I don’t know why he lied to me. I do know I haven’t heard from him for over a week and I’m worried he’s done something stupid. Nnngh, but the other half of me says that if I see him will he really tell me the truth? I’m probably sounding like a teenager with a crush.” He laughed. “That’s what Mike told me I was like. But the thing is dad, I really like him and if I can’t have him as a boyfriend…” there he’d said it. “then I want him as a friend. I couldn’t bear not having him in my life at all. I wish I knew what to do?” Tommy brushed away some stray leaves and stood. Looking around he was hoping to see Mitchel. Who was he kidding, the guy knew when Tommy visited so he wouldn’t be there now would he? Tommy sat back down, picking his guitar up. “Sorry dad, I’m being stupid, how about I play you something? Would you like to hear one of our songs?” Tommy began playing We Are The Champions, and lost himself in the music.

Placing the rose on Alex’s headstone, Adam sat down. “Hey baby, I’m back. Wow what a week I’ve had. I’ve been an idiot sweetheart and I don’t know what to do about it. I tried to ring Tommy but as soon as he answered I hung up. Yeah, I know, I was stupid wasn’t I? Now I want to see him, but he knows I lied to him about who I am and I don’t think he’ll want to know me. Oh Alex I…I know you’re not coming back to me and I know I have to move on. I…I like Tommy, we…I’m so sorry baby. I held his hand, well more like he was comforting me and held mine but, I liked how it felt. I’m sorry baby, please don’t be angry with me, I wanted it not to end. But…well we had to part. Now I don’t think I’ll see him anymore. He’s here because I saw him, but I’m scared to go and talk to him. What am I going to do?” Adam stroked his fingers over Alex’s picture. “I will always love you baby, but I need to live again and I think Tommy can help me.”

Adam listened, was that Tommy playing for his dad? He stood, trying to hear what the blond was playing. Smiling when he realised it was one of his favourite Queen songs. He began humming along, then he had an idea. “Hey baby, I’m just going to leave you for a short while. I promise I’ll come back and chat some more. But Tommy’s playing Queen and you know how much I love them.”

Slowly and as quietly as he could, Adam followed the sound of the guitar. He didn’t want to scare Tommy away before he’d had a chance to say hello.

As Adam approached the blond, Tommy shifted his position causing Adam to pause in his tracks. He noticed Tommy was getting comfortable to carry on playing, so he continued moving towards him. Then the music stopped, so Adam stopped walking.

“Ok dad, what would you like to hear now?” Tommy laughed, he knew his dad couldn’t answer but he always said the same thing when he brought his guitar.

Adam heard the question and without thinking he said out loud “how about Mad World?” He held his breath, he really hadn’t meant to speak out like that.

Tommy stopped and stared at his father’s headstone, his guitar now a lifeless piece of wood on his knee.

“What are you doing here?”

“Tommy…I…”

“You what? Want to…”

“I want to talk.”

Tommy sort of laughed, “oh so you want to talk now? What about just letting me know you were ok. I left…”

“Yeah I know I found the note. And the rose was beautiful.”

“So why didn’t you ring or message me?”

“I did ring you Tommy Joe.”

There it was, the trigger. Tommy closed his eyes, he didn’t need any reaction to this guy, not now. “When? When did you ring me Mitchel? Oh if that even is your name?”

“I…fuck Tommy I was scared and I hung up without…”

“That was you?” Tommy finally turned to look at the dark haired man.

“Yeah it was me. I wanted to apologise for running out of the club, but I didn’t know what to say. I came to talk to Alex and saw you there, I panicked and…”

“And you lied to me.” Adam was silent. “Didn’t you Mitchel, you lied to me?”

“Yeah Tommy I did, but I…”

“You what, you’re gonna say you had your reasons.”

“I do have my reasons.”

“Bullshit. I thought you trusted me. But is appears not.”

“I do trust you Tommy, I just didn’t trust myself.”

“Don’t give me that crap. You could have explained everything when we went for that coffee, but instead you keep up barriers. You know I want to help but I can’t if you aren’t on the level with me. Fuck Mitchel I told you about stuff I’ve not even told my best friend Mike about and I’ve known him since we were at school together. You come along and I shoot my mouth off telling you everything. But you can’t be honest with me.”

“I’m sorry Tommy. I know I’ve been stupid. My mom told me I shouldn’t have lied to you, she said I’d lose your friendship and I really don’t want that. That’s why I want to explain everything if…if you’ll give me another chance.”

Tommy stood. “I don’t know. How do I know that what you tell me is going to be the truth?”

Adam moved closer to the blond and reached for his hands, Tommy watched as his long thin fingers were encased in strong hands and he had to admit it felt as good now as it had in the coffee shop, maybe even better.

“I promise Tommy Joe that I’ll be honest with you and tell you everything. I…” Adam took a deep breath. “I like to you Tommy and I want us to be friends.”

“Tommy’s heart flipped then dropped. Here was the most gorgeous man he’d ever met saying he liked him but then there was the bombshell, he wanted to be his friend. Tommy had told Mike he would be happy just being Mitchel’s friend but secretly he really wanted it to be more. Shit he had to make a decision. Looking from their joined hands into Mitchel’s beautiful blue eyes, “K” he whispered.

“I’m sorry Tommy what was that?” Adam hoped he’d heard right.

“I said ok, I’ll give you another chance. But I want the truth, all of it I don’t want some…”

“Thank you. I promise I _will_ tell you everything, no omissions.”

“Good.”

“Can we, could we…what I’m trying to say is, will you give me that chance this afternoon…please?” Adam looked down at their joined hands and held his breath.

“Yeah, this afternoon sounds good.”

Letting his breath go Adam smiled. “Thank you Tommy, you don’t know how much that…you mean to me.”

“Well let me finish chatting to dad and then we can go somewhere.”

“Great, I’ll go back to Alex and when you’re ready, come and say hi to him, let me introduce you properly…if…well.”

“That would be nice.” Tommy squeezed the strong hands and smiled.

“I’ll see you in about 20 minutes.”

“Great, see you soon Tommy Joe.” Adam released Tommy’s hands and walked back to Alex.

Tommy watched as the dark haired man walked away, was he right in giving him another chance? He hoped so. Sitting down, “well dad, I’ve done it now. I’m going to have that coffee with Mitchel. He’s gorgeous dad, you’d understand if you saw him. But he’s also scared and hurting. I am doing the right thing aren’t I?” Tommy picked his guitar up then stood. “I’m sorry it’s been a short visit this week, I promise I’ll stay longer next time, but I hope you understand. I have to see Mitchel, give him a chance. If anything he’s told me is even half true, then he needs all the friends he can get. And you know me, I’m not someone who let’s friends down. I’ll see you next week. I may even have another visitor for you to meet.”

Leaving his dad, Tommy smiled as he headed towards Mitchel and Alex. He felt light hearted, maybe things were finally heading in the right direction for him.

Adam could feel Tommy’s eyes on him as he walked away. He felt happier, Tommy had agreed to listen to him. Well if it took the remainder of the day then he’d make sure he told the cute blond everything, even the bad stuff. Adam was no longer lonely, not if he could have Tommy Joe in his life.

“Hey Baby I’m back. I’m sorry for deserting you, but I went to chat to Tommy. He’s agreed to have coffee with me. I’m going to tell him everything, even what happened to you. I’m sorry if that’s upsetting, but he needs to know all of me. I’ve asked him to come and meet you properly. I know he’s been here but this is something I really need to do. I love you Alex…thank you for making my life so good whilst you were here.” Adam kissed his fingers and placed them on the photograph.

Tommy approached Alex’s grave and stopped as he heard Mitchel say he loved him. He waited, he didn’t want to interrupt a tender private moment. Once he saw Mitchel touch the photograph he coughed to make his presence known.

Adam looked up, “Hey.”

“Hey yourself, I’m…um sorry if…”

“No that’s ok, I was just telling Alex about you.”

“Oh!”

“Come here, let me introduce you properly.”

Tommy walked over, reluctant to sit down.

“Please Tommy sit with me for a while.”

“Um, ok.” Placing his guitar carefully on the ground he knelt next to Adam.

“Alex, this is Tommy Joe, Tommy this is Alex, my beautiful man.”

“But…” Tommy hesitated not wanting to cause a scene but needing to know why the name on the headstone was Adam and not Mitchel.

Adam looked at the blond to the side of him. “You want to know why my name isn’t on there don’t you?”

“Well…erm…yeah, but I…”

“No Tommy you have every right to know. But can I ask you one thing?”

“Sure.”

“Would you mind if we were somewhere I know we won’t be disturbed? I really don’t want passers-by to know my life story. Not yet.”

Mitchel looked scared. “Oh, ok, where do you suggest?”

“How about we go for that coffee at Lamill’s again? I could ring the manager and make sure he reserves us an alcove towards the back.”

“I have a better idea.” Tommy had started to speak before he’d even thought about the consequences.

“Oh, and what would that be?”

_Well done Ratliff, you’ve started…so you need to finish, he can only say yes or no._ “Um, well I live on my own, we could go back to mine, cheaper and I have food too.”

Adam smiled, “oh that sounds a great idea, I wouldn’t be looking over my shoulder just in case…”

“In case of what?”

“Please Tommy, I’ll explain all very soon.”

“Everything?” He looked from Mitchel to the headstone.

“Yeah, everything. I promise.”

“Ok.”

“Thank you.” Adam smiled. “Now we’d better go otherwise we may be talking into the night.”

“I’ll…um…well I’ll leave you to say goodbye.”

Tommy started to stand, but Adam grabbed his hand, “no, wait…please.”

Tommy looked from their joined hands to deep blue eyes, to the headstone and nodded.

Without letting go, “Alex, baby, we’re going for a coffee. I promise I’ll come back and stay longer next week. I …” He hesitated feeling the pressure of the blonds hand in his. “I…I love you baby, I’ll never forget what we had. Sleep well my love.”

Tommy didn’t know whether to remove his hand from Mitchel’s but the dark haired man seemed to take comfort in holding it. He felt his heart break just a little bit for the gorgeous man. What he and Alex had must have been so special. Tommy felt privileged to now be a part of that special love between the two men.

Standing, Tommy had to let go of Mitchel’s hand to pick his guitar up, and as he let go he shivered.

“You ok Tommy Joe? Are you cold?”

“No, m’ok.” He had to think quickly, “it’s just when I think of all the families who have loved ones here, I …well it makes me sad.”

“Oh Tommy you are such a caring man. But remember this, we all have families who love us and we in turn find new people to love even when we lose someone close to us.”

Tommy smiled, “yeah, still sad though.”

“I’m so pleased you found me that day, I know we’re going to be good friends.”

There it was again, friends. But yeah he’d rather be a friend than nothing at all.

“So Tommy Joe, where is it we’re going?”

“Ooops sorry.” Tommy told Mitchel his address, asked if he knew where it was, and with a promise to ring if he got lost, they headed to their own cars.

^V^

Tommy drove home hoping he’d done the right thing asking Mitchel back to his place. _Stop doubting yourself. If he hadn’t wanted to come back then he’d have declined and we’d have gone to Lamill’s._

Pulling up outside his apartment block he was pleased Mitchel hadn’t arrived yet. This way he could make sure things were tidy before his visitor descended on him, plus he could put the coffee pot on.

He was pressing play on his stereo when there was a knock at the door. His heart began racing, they were going to be alone, no-one else to see or hear them. Tommy smiled, he wanted Mitchel in his life, but first he wanted the truth. He had to let the gorgeous man know that he was there for him, but he in turn had to explain everything. Turning the volume down, he headed towards the front door.

Adam had hesitated as he was getting in his car. Was he right to agree to go to Tommy’s? Had he said it because he wanted to be alone with the blond? He didn’t think of him as anything but a guy whom he’s saved and they were friends. But would they still be friends when he’d explained everything about himself. Would Tommy still want to know him, still want to be a part of his life? He’d lost one beautiful man to his way of life he didn’t want to lose another one to the crazy world he lived in.

_Lambert you’ll never know until you talk to him. Get your arse over to his apartment now. Tell him everything, then leave him to decide what he wants to do_. Adam sighed, climbing behind the wheel he had to do this, do it for his own sanity if nothing else.

Pulling up outside the address Tommy had given him, Adam took several deep breaths before getting out. As he walked up to the building he knew this was the right thing to do. His hand hesitated before knocking, no going back, he wanted this man in his life. Friends would be good, but he liked him, could he hope for more?

The door opened, the two of them staring at each other.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“M’sorry Mitchel, please…come in.”

“Thank you.” Adam stepped across the threshold, the smell of coffee hitting his senses straight away. “Mmm coffee smells good.” _Is that all you can say, he’s gonna think you’re stupid._

“Yeah, I love the smell wafting through the apartment. It makes a place feel welcoming.” _What the fuck! You can’t stand in the hallway talking about coffee for the rest of the day_. “M’sorry, please, let’s go sit in the lounge, place isn’t big, but it’s mine.”

“If you’re on your own you don’t’ need somewhere big. This is nice Tommy, my apartment is…well a base. I’ve just recently moved, couldn’t live…well that’s another story.”

“Ok, look, go sit down, I’ll go get the coffee. Got some caramel biscuits if you’d like some?”

“Coffee is fine, got to watch my weight.”

“You look great to me.” Tommy stopped, that slipped out before he realised. Turning, he headed towards the kitchen hoping Mitchel hadn’t seen him blush.

“You really think so?” Adam had seen the blond colour up as he turned, he knew he was being wicked but he wanted to hear more.

Tommy remained facing away from the dark haired man sitting on his couch. “Yeah of course I do. Come on I’m the one who should really watch what I’m doing, my beer belly isn’t the most appealing.”

“Wouldn’t say that. You look fine to me.” Now it was Adam’s turn to blush. He watched as Tommy hesitated before heading to the kitchen area. Thankful that he didn’t turn around he wanted this man as a friend and he had to be honest about everything first. _You need to hold it together, don’t frighten him away even before you’ve gotten to know him properly._

Tommy held on to the counter top, taking deep breaths. _What the fuck had just happened through there? Were they flirting with each other? Stop thinking too much and take him his coffee. Stop imagining too much into this he’s said more than once he wants to just be your friend_. Reaching for two mugs he filled them with the rich smelling coffee, taking a deep breath before carrying them back into the lounge.

“Here you go, um not sure how you like your coffee, can’t remember what you had.”

“Black coffee is fine thank you. Besides we had that special in Lamill’s.”

“Oh yeah.”

Awkward silence descended, then they both started talking together.

“I’m sorry Tommy.”

“I’m sorry Mitchel.”

“Oh, um…Tommy I…”

“Wow,, ok, so who wants to go first?”

“Your place…you start.”

“K, I’m your friend Mitchel, but I need to know everything if you want me to remain that way. I was scared when I saw you’d left Bar 39 that night, then when Scott told me you weren’t well, I didn’t know what to think. I got worried when I left the rose and my number and you didn’t even message me you were ok. I was beginning to think you’d actually finished what you’d started that day we met. Now I don’t know what to think, you tell me all about Alex, you _introduce_ me but things don’t weigh up. What am I supposed to believe?” Tommy wasn’t used to saying so much and he’d been pacing up and down to help him think, to help him get the words out.

“Tommy, before I tell you everything will you do two things for me?”

“Ok.”

“First, will you please come and sit down, you’re making me more nervous than I already am.” Tommy smiled then sat next to him on the sofa. “Secondly when I start telling you all about my life and Alex, will you promise me you won’t interrupt me? Because if you do I might not get through it all.”

“I promise. But you have to promise me one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“No matter how tough it gets, you won’t miss anything out. I want to trust you, but if you leave anything out, I…well I…”

“Tommy, I promise…everything.”

“Thank you. I’m here for you Mitchel, take your time, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Well it is your apartment.” Adam tried to laugh, but it didn’t sound quite genuine.

“Well yeah there is that. Seriously, take all the time you need.”

“Thank you Tommy Joe, you’re an awesome friend.”

“I try to be. So Mitchel, I’m listening.” Tommy reached for his coffee.

“The name’s not Mitchel. Well it sort of is…nngh!”

Tommy replaced the cup on the table. “It’s Adam isn’t it?” Tommy looked into the now sad but still beautiful blue eyes.

“Yeah it is. Oh Tommy I’m so sorry I lied to you, I was scared. And the reason I was frightened is because my name is Adam Mitchel Lambert.” He looked into the gorgeous brown eyes hoping that Tommy wouldn’t tell him to leave. Tommy sat silent. “Aren’t you going to say anything?”

“You told me not to.”

“But you know who I am don’t you?”

“Yes, I do. I don’t know why you did what you did, but I’m hoping that I’m going to understand why, by the time you’ve finished explaining.”

“You don’t want me to leave?”

 

“Why would I? I said I’d listen, so talk to me, explain why you lied, and I promise not to interrupt.”

“I don’t deserve you as a friend Tommy Joe.”

“Hey, we’ve all done something we’re not proud of. So m’not gonna judge, just listen.”

Adam reached out a hand and held on to Tommy’s. Tommy looked down at their joined hands then up into Adam’s eyes.

“Oh I’m sorry, do you want me to…”

“No Adam, I don’t want you to let go. It helps you doesn’t it?”

“Yeah it does, thank you.”

“So _Adam_ ” Tommy had to admit he liked that name better for this gorgeous man. “Tell me why you did it.”

“I was scared, scared if I told you who I was you’d go to the press, profit from my story. You’d be the guy to expose Adam Lambert and why he wasn’t recording anymore. So…so I lied to you. And for that I am truly sorry. I should have known you wouldn’t do anything, not after you saved me from…well you know what you saved me from.” Tommy squeezed Adam’s hand, and nodded.

“Once I started with the lie, I didn’t know how to end it, my mom told me I was stupid to do it in the first place and I’d agreed to tell you that night I came to your club. But hearing that song you finished with was too much. You see I wrote Outlaws of Love for Alex.” Adam took a deep breath and wiped away a stray tear.

Tommy wanted to fold this man into a hug but he didn’t want to frighten him.

“Oh Tommy, I’m sorry I ran, sorry I lied. I don’t deserve you as a friend.” Adam stared into the beautiful brown eyes of a man he knew he could have feelings for. Shaking his head, “K, so…um…Alex. I met him in London when I was touring over there. We hit it off straight away and we ended up spending the night together and after that we were inseparable. He was in London trying to find the courage to tell his family he was gay. He’d had a strict upbringing, not religious, but no-one talked about homosexuality when he was growing up. So when he realised he was gay he got scared and left L.A. trying to figure out what to do. He always said meeting me was the best thing that had happened to him.

Anyway we flew back and I went with him as support when he told his parents. But he needn’t have worried, they told him they’d all but guessed and was just waiting for him to confirm it. They also said they loved him and they only wanted to see him happy.”

Tommy squeezed Adam’s hand again, then stroked his thumb across the back of his hand. Adam took a drink of his coffee, took a deep breath and squeezed Tommy’s hand back before he carried on.

“Everything was going great for us. I was doing interviews about my new album, Alex’s job was made permanent and he was promoted. I was writing new material for my next album and Alex had decided to contact some of his friends from college. He felt more confident in himself after he came out to his parents and he wanted to get back in touch with his friends. But…but that’s when my gorgeous man went from being an outgoing person to a quiet, often withdrawn man. I thought at first it was because I had to go away for days on end, giving interviews, but he always said no and blamed it on things going on at his work. Oh Tommy I should have pressed him more for a reason, but I was so wrapped up in my own thing, that I didn’t do anything, I believed what he told me.” Adam looked at Tommy, tears now running down his face.

“Adam you don’t…I…”

“Please Tommy…I do.”

“Ok, take your time.”

“Thank you. I thought he’d found his friends and everything was fine. Fuck Tommy I was so wrong. Yes he’d contacted his _friends_ but they were horrible to him. They told him he was a worthless piece of shit who was only with me for my money. He’d never be anything without me and he would burn in hell because that’s where all _faggots_ went. They’d seen him in photographs with me before he came out to them, but they’d said that they knew he liked _dick_ when they were at college because he never commented on how pretty girls were and they said they’d caught him eyeing up the guys in the changing rooms after they’d played soccer. Oh Tommy they were awful to him.”

“How did you find this out if he didn’t tell you?”

Adam wiped away the tears freely falling down his face. “Because he left me a note Tommy Joe. A goodbye note.”

Tommy’s breath hitched and he stared from Adam’s sad blue pools to their joined hands as Adam continued with his story.

“I…I was due to go to New York to promote my new album but Alex had been particularly quiet the day before, so I told him that I wouldn’t go. I was also due to pick up an award. He told me that I should go, the award would show that I wasn’t just a _gay singer_ but I was a _performer_ who did good for several charities. He convinced me Tommy, he said he was ok, he was busy at work and I believed him. I should have known things weren’t right, he hugged me really hard, told me he loved me and never to forget him. I’d only ever seen him cry once and that was when he came out to his parents.” Adam stopped again, Tommy just kept stroking the back of his hand.

“I went to New York, picked up the stupid award, promoted my album, did some shopping. Tommy I fuckin’ shopped whilst Alex was…was killing himself.”

Tommy could feel tears now running down his own face, but he kept quiet, he’d promised he wouldn’t interrupt. He knew Adam would continue in his own time.

“I caught a flight two days later and when I got home the house was empty. I knew Alex wasn’t at work, he didn’t work Fridays, so I couldn’t understand where he was. I shouted him and when I didn’t get an answer I went from room to room. What started off as a calm man thinking his boyfriend had a surprise for him in one of the rooms suddenly changed to a frantic man shouting for his lover. The last room I looked in was our bedroom, I thought he might…well…you know?” Tommy nodded. “But all I found was an empty room except for an envelope addressed to me and a red rose on the pillow. My initial thought was Alex had gone to stay with his parents and this was telling me where he was and not to worry. How could I be so wrong? It was a goodbye note explaining everything. Oh Tommy it’s my fault he’s gone, I shouldn’t have left him that day, I should have listened to my head. I miss him so much.” Adam’s tears fell freely now.

“Adam, it’s not your fault. He’d probably decided long before you went away to do what he did.”

“I know, my mom and brother said the same thing, but it still fucking hurts like hell.”

“How…no…sorry I shouldn’t.”

“You want to know how he did it?” Adam’s sad eyes stared into the brown depths, right into Tommy’s soul. Tommy nodded.

“But you don’t…”

“Yeah I do.” Calming his breathing down Adam reached for Tommy’s other hand holding tightly to both of them.

“He…shit, he took a bottle full of pills using vodka to wash them down.”

Tommy gasped, “the same…”

“Yep, the same thing you stopped me from doing, that day you found me.”

“I know you said his friends were…”

“Yeah they never let up. They used to ring him when they knew I wasn’t there, sometimes they’d ring and not say anything, just hang up, other times they’d ring and shout obscenities down the phone to him.”

“How did you find out about all of that?”

“When I got home and found the letter I was a wreck. I went to live with my mom for a while. She had a private investigator look into why and who. I mentioned that Alex was back in touch with some of his college friends so this investigator contacted Alex’s parents and well, the _friends_ finally admitted what they’d done when they realised Alex had committed suicide.”

“Has anything been done about the bastards?”

“No not yet, and I’m not sure anything will be done, you see they have very good lawyers.”

“Oh Adam I’m so sorry.”

“Do you know what the worst part is?” He saw Tommy shake his head. “The shopping I did in New York it was for a ring. I was going to propose to him.”

“I’m so sorry Adam. I can’t imagine what you went…are going through. I’m sorry if what I say next is out of line but…your _friends_ are fuckin’ shits.”

“But _you’re_ not. You’re my friend and you didn’t tell me to get on with my life. Why not?”

“Because I can see how much you love him, how much you miss him and besides I’ve only known you a couple of weeks and again it’s not my place to say anything.”

“You’re an amazing man Tommy Joe. Not only beautiful on the inside but on the outside too.”

Adam stared at Tommy both seemed to be holding their breath not knowing what to do or say next. Neither knew who moved first but in the blink of an eye their lips met in a slow unexpected kiss.

Tommy pulled away quickly “Fuck! I’m sorry Adam I…”

“No Tommy I’m sorry I…” Adam’s shoulders shook, sobs leaving the man’s mouth.

Tommy didn’t hesitate, he pulled the sad but gorgeous man close, wrapping his arms around him and held on tight. Adam held on equally as tight, neither saying anything, not really knowing what to say.

Tommy could feel the sobs getting shallower, he stroked his hand down Adam’s arm soothing a broken man. As he was watching the gorgeous many lying across his sofa, across his lap he lifted a hand to his own lips. _What just happened? What did it mean? Stop reading into it Ratliff, it was a gut reaction to soothing a hurt away_.

Tommy looked down at Adam who had fallen asleep across him. “Sleep my beautiful friend, I’m always here for you.” Tommy leant his head back against the sofa and it was only short minutes before he too had fallen asleep.

^V^

Adam stirred, he wasn’t sure where he was, all he remembered was explaining to Tommy… _Fuck, Tommy Joe!_ He could feel the smaller man’s deep even breathing beneath his head. He tried to move but Tommy’s arm was across him. He didn’t want to wake him…not yet. He had to sort out in his own mind about that kiss. Why did he do it? Or was it Tommy who had moved first? No it had definitely been Adam who had kissed the blond. But…and here was the thing, Tommy had kissed him back. Yes he’d admitted he was Bi but was he now saying he had feelings for Adam?

Adam gently moved his hand up to his lips, he could still feel the faint touch of the man’s lips on his. Tommy stirred, Adam held his breath. What would he say to him? Listening for an alteration in the blonds breathing, Adam let his own breath go when he realised Tommy was still sleeping. Could he extract himself from Tommy’s arms without waking him up? If he could, should he leave the man to sleep? No, he couldn’t run out on him again. They’d said they would be honest with each other.

What _did_ Adam want from this relationship? Was it just a rebound from Alex, because he had to admit, Tommy was definitely his type and he had the most amazing brown eyes just as Alex had. He couldn’t do that to Tommy. He couldn’t spoil the friendship they had. But he did need to know what Tommy felt about him, about their friendship and that kiss. Adam touched his lips again. _Admit it Adam, you liked him kissing you. It made you feel alive again_. He smiled, maybe this was meant to be. His mom had told him he was happier since he’d met Tommy, and he’d even admitted to her that he liked the petit blond. _If you don’t talk to him you’re never going to know, and if you run again then you’ll definitely lose him as a friend. If he doesn’t want anything more than just to be a friend then it’s better than nothing._ In a split second he’d made a decision. He’d talk and see where their friendship went. He didn’t know how long he lay there but he didn’t move until he felt Tommy shift his position and his breathing change.

Tommy woke wondering what the weight across his lap was, smiling when he looked down and saw Adam still there. He shifted his weight causing the dark haired man to look up.

“Hey Adam.”

“Hey yourself.”

“How long have you been awake?”

“About 20 minutes.”

“Oh…why didn’t you wake me?”

“Because you needed to sleep, my confession was…well, not what you were expecting, I don’t think.”

“I honestly didn’t know what to expect. Can I um…well can I ask you a question?”

Here it was, Tommy was going to ask about that kiss. “Um…ok…sure.”

“When you woke up, did you think of leaving…walking out without talking to me?”

“Yeah…yes Tommy I did, but I couldn’t, I need you in my life, as a friend…as…”

“As what Adam? I am your friend, I hope you realise that, but what else…what else do you want from me?

“You mean that kiss don’t you?” Tommy looked into Adam’s eyes and nodded. “I will admit you are my type, you have the same colour eyes as Alex, I…”

“I don’t want to be a rebound Adam. I admit I do like you. I was surprised at the kiss, just…I just…”

“I know Tommy.” Adam reached for Tommy’s hands. Taking a deep breath, “I like you, I’m not looking for a rebound relationship. I’ll admit I haven’t done this for a long time, but I do know I have to move on from Alex, and if you like me as you say you do I want it to be you who I’m with.”

Tommy looked at their joined hands. “I like you too and have thought what it would be like to be with a man in that way, and if you want to be with me then yes, let’s give it a go. I’m not saying I know everything about being with a man…”

“I won’t hurt you.”

“I know you won’t.”

“I’m afraid too Tommy, afraid that I won’t be able to give you…”

“I’m not asking for a quick fuck Adam. I’m saying I’m here for you, with you and will be for as long as you want me.”

“You’re a beautiful man. Let’s take it one day at a time.”

“Not asking for anything else.”

“Can I…can I kiss you?”

“If you want to.”

“Oh Tommy, that kiss earlier I don’t know whether it was you or me that started it, but I want…I want to know what it feels like.”

“What are you waiting for then?”

Adam shifted closer to Tommy, not breaking eye contact with him. Leaning in he gently brushed his lips against the blonds. Pulling away he stared at his saviour.

“Is that all you’ve got?” Tommy saw something flash across Adam’s eyes. “M’sorry, I…didn’t…please.”

“No Tommy I’m sorry…it’s just…”

“You’re thinking about Alex aren’t you?” Adam nodded then looked away.” Hey Adam, look at me…please.” Adam continued staring at the floor. Tommy released one of his hands, placed it against Adam’s cheek, applying a small amount of pressure he turned Adam’s face towards him. He felt Adam lean into the touch and Tommy smiled as he gently made Adam look him in the eye.

“Hey, we don’t have to do anything if you don’t want. I can’t begin to imagine how difficult this is for you. I’m not going anywhere, you take as long as you need. If all we do is hold one another, then that’s fine by me. Yes I like you, I want to kiss you, but if…” Tommy didn’t get to say anything else, Adam crashed his lips against the blonds in a kiss that sucked the breath from Tommy’s smaller body.

Tommy, initially shocked at the force behind the kiss, soon opened up for the tongue that was asking for entry. Gently to begin with Tommy’s tongue danced with Adam’s but it wasn’t long before the passion rose and the kiss deepened.

Tommy felt Adam let go of his hand then snake his arms around the back of the smaller man’s body pulling him closer. Tommy hesitated then wound his arms around Adam’s neck holding them together. Neither knew who made the sound first, but moans escaped their mouths causing them to pull apart for much needed air.

“Wow!”

“Yeah, wow.”

“Are you ok Adam?”

Adam looked into the brown depths, “yeah Tommy I’m ok. What…what about you?”

“Oh I’m good. Erm, that was…”

“M’sorry, I didn’t…”

“Stop…don’t apologise for what we just did. I wanted it as much as you.”

“What…where…”

“You want to know where we go from here?”

“Yeah I do.”

“That’s up to you. I’m not going to say anything to anyone about who you really are. That’s for you to decide when the time is right. As far as my friends at work are concerned, you’re Mitchel Adams. If you want to tell them then you can. But if you don’t want to say anything then I’m fine with that too.”

“I’m just…fuck Tommy I’m scared, scared that if people know who I am, then it’s going to hit the press. My publicity team have worked so hard to help me mourn Alex and remain out of the spotlight. I’m scared that if I…”

“Hey, stop worrying, it’s going to be alright.”

“Tommy I want to be with you, but…”

“But you’re not ready to be with me in public.” Adam had tears in his eyes again. “I’m not asking you to tell the world that you’re with me. I’m saying whatever you want to do is ok by me.”

“Oh Tommy Joe, you are the most beautiful man I’ve met for a very long time.”

Tommy blushed and shifted in his seat. Adam had done it again, the sound of his names being spoken by this gorgeous man sent all his blood supply south.

“You ok Tommy?” Adam smiled.

“M’fine, why?”

“You’re even cuter when you blush and…”

Adam looked closer at Tommy as he shifted in his seat again. “Oh, now I get it, did um…did I do that to you?”

Tommy wanted desperately to adjust his jeans, they were getting tighter by the second, the more Adam spoke.

“I erm…I …shit Adam, no-one’s ever used my names together as you do and it has…well has an effect on…”

“Oh I can see that now.” Adam smiled. “But don’t your friends call you Tommy Joe.” He was doing it on purpose now, wanting to see this amazing man squirm, but in a good way.

“Nnngh Adam. Yes they do but, fuck.” He palmed a hand over the now prominent bulge at the front of his jeans. “It’s your voice, it…well.”

“Oh I can see what it does to you. So um what do you want me to do?”

“Nothing, I’ll be ok, I just need to think of my ex-girlfriend and well it disappears.” And true to his word as Tommy mentioned his ex the blood supply re-routed and his erection slowly disappeared.

“Oh, I thought you’d want me…”

“No,” Tommy saw Adam look disappointed. “Hey, I’m not saying I don’t ever want you to do anything, I want it more than you know. I just don’t want to rush you. We’ve, you’ve been through a lot today and I don’t want to spoil our relationship by moving too quickly. I…”

“M’sorry, I’ll go, give you some space.”

“No Adam…fuck. What I’m saying is let’s make sure we both want this for the right reasons.”

“I told you earlier you’re not a rebound. I want to move on. And I want that to be with you.”

“And I said we can take as long as we need. Oh Adam…I’m not good with words.” Tommy took a deep breath. “I know you’re hurting, I want to be there for you, with you, but we don’t have to jump into bed together and then regret everything the minute after.”

“How did I get so lucky to find you?”

“If I remember I was the one that found you.”

“Oh yeah.” He leant across and lightly kissed Tommy again.

“I’m beginning to like that more each time you do it.”

“Good because I plan on doing a lot more.”

“Would you…would you do something for me?”

“Anything Tommy.”

“If I play Mad World, would you sing for me?”

Adam smiled, “why would you want me to do that?”

“I heard you singing that day at the cemetery, and I thought I was dreaming. Then when I was talking to Mrs Griffiths, she’s someone who visits her husband, well she thought it was me singing, we both thought what an amazing voice you have, I…well I’d like to hear it up close.”

“Tommy I’d love to sing for you. I may be a little rusty, but I’ll give it a shot.”

Tommy left the dark haired man on the sofa whilst he got his guitar. He could feel the man’s eyes on him causing a shiver to run through him. Was he really going to date this man? He smiled to himself as he sat back down.

“Ok, what key do you want me to play it in?”

“Can you…um A if that’s ok?”

“Sure, how does this sound?” Tommy began playing, Adam smiled and hummed along.

It wasn’t long before he began singing.

Tommy, mesmerised by the man’s voice played automatically. This guy was amazing and he had to agree with Josh, the world was going to miss this beautiful voice. Tommy noticed Adam had closed his eyes and was really feeling the music. He didn’t want this to end, but he couldn’t ask for any more from this man.

Coming to the end, Adam opened his eyes and stared at the blond. “Was…was that ok?”

“Adam, that was beautiful thank you. You have such an awesome voice. No wonder Josh flails over you.” Tommy laughed.

“Tell him thank you.” Adam stopped.

“Hey Adam, don’t worry, I’m not going to say anything.”

Adam relaxed, “can we make this work Tommy?”

Tommy placed his guitar down and reached for the other man’s hands. “We can do whatever we want. I know I want to be with you. If you don’t want to be with me then tell me now before I get any deeper into the relationship and I will push my feelings for you into a box and not let them out.”

“Oh Tommy, I can see you meant every word of that. But I don’t want you to box up your feelings. I want you to tell me all the time how you’re feeling. I want to be with you too, but it may take me a bit longer to say how I feel.”

“And I wouldn’t want you to be any other way.”

“Thank you. I’m so pleased you stopped me that day. I’m beginning to feel alive again. Now, I don’t want to outstay my welcome, so…I’m going to say goodnight and I promise I’ll ring you tomorrow.”

Tommy hadn’t realised how long they’d been talking, but it had gotten dark outside. “Wow, m’sorry if you had to be somewhere else. I didn’t realise the time.”

“If I’d have wanted to be somewhere else I’d have said so, but I’ve enjoyed my time with you even though some of that time was…well difficult.”

“I’m…I’m pleased you trusted me to tell me everything. I could see how difficult it was for you.”

“You’re the only person outside of mine and Alex’s family who knows what happened and I’d appreciate it if…”

“I won’t say a word, you have my promise.”

“Thank you Tommy Joe.” Adam grinned and looked down to the front of Tommy’s jeans.

“You fucker, you did that on purpose.” Tommy palmed a hand over the slight bulge.

“M’sorry, I just wanted to see if it happened again.”

“Well Mr Lambert, the next time you want to see it happen again, be prepared to help me solve my little problem.”

“Mmm, doesn’t look so little to me.” Adam blushed. “Oh, I’m sorry Tommy I didn’t…”

“Hey Adam, sshh, I’m pleased you’d want to find out. It shows you’re ready to move on.”

Adam stood, pulling Tommy up with him, folding him into a hug. “I’m never going to forget Alex.”

“And I don’t expect you to.”

“But, yeah, I am ready and I want to move on with you.” He lightly kissed the blond. “Now I really do have to go, I promise I’ll ring tomorrow.”

“K, maybe we could have lunch…if…well if you’re not doing anything.”

“M’sorry Tommy, but I’m meeting my brother tomorrow. He’s getting married and he wants me to be best man.”

“That’s brilliant. You’ll make a great best man.” Adam blushed. “Now go and we’ll sort out another time to have coffee or lunch.”

“Thank you Tommy. Sleep well and we’ll speak tomorrow.”

Tommy walked Adam to the door, but before he let go he kissed him again. A much fiercer kiss than earlier. A kiss that left them breathless and wanting more.

“Mmm if you don’t go now Adam, I may not let you go at all.”

Adam giggled. “I like the sound of that Tommy.”

“I know, but, slowly, remember?”

“Yeah, slowly.” A quick kiss and Adam left, leaving Tommy watching him and smiling. He was going to have to be careful at work the following day, he really didn’t want to force Adam to reveal anything before he was ready.

As he picked his guitar up his phone buzzed. “Mike what do you want this time of night?” But he laughed out loud when he saw the message. **Couldn’t wait till tomorrow, wanted to wish my new boyfriend a good night. Sleep well Tommy Joe. Thank you xx** Even in a message, Adam could make the butterflies in Tommy’s stomach turn summersaults. He smiled at the word boyfriend. Messaging back **You sleep well too Adam. I like being your boyfriend, and it’s my pleasure xx**

He knew he would sleep that night, he felt more calm than he had for a very long time.

tbc


	6. Chapter 6

As Adam drove home he felt at ease for the first time in a long while and he had Tommy Joe Ratliff to thank for that. Pulling over he messaged Tommy, reading it before hitting send. He felt good using the _boyfriend_ word. He hoped Tommy didn’t mind. He needn’t have worried, the message he got back told him how Tommy felt.

Putting his car into gear he drove, not really knowing where he was going until he found himself outside his mom’s house. The last time he did that he was distraught that he’d been so stupid, now he had something good to tell her. Looking at the house the lights were on downstairs so he knew she was still up. Locking his car he headed to the door, he didn’t have to ring the bell as Leila had seen him arrive and was waiting for him, arms open ready for a hug. He loved his mom’s hugs.

“Hey sweetie, is everything alright?”

“Hi mom, yeah everything is good.”

“Oh, do I take that to mean you’ve finally got your ass in gear and spoken to Tommy?”

“Yes mom, I’ve spoken to Tommy.”

“Good, now let’s go get a coffee and you can tell me all about your day. And Adam…”

“Yeah?”

“It’s nice to see you with a smile on your face. It’s been far too long.”

“I know, and I’m sorry, for everything I put you all through these last few months.”

“That’s what moms are for. And besides I know how much you loved Alex and how much you miss him.”

“I’m so pleased to call you my mom and my best friend, I love you.”

“Aww sweetie, I love you no matter what.”

“So…about that coffee!”

“You go make yourself comfortable and I’ll go get it. Want anything to eat?”

“No thanks, coffee will be great.”

Handing him the coffee, “so do you want to talk about it or are things still…”

“No, things are good. Tommy is a beautiful man inside and out, he…oh mom he held me whilst I cried, he listened to me tell him all about Alex, he didn’t ask stupid questions like others have, he was just…well there for me. I even fell asleep in his lap, he held me whilst I slept and he fell asleep too. I thought…I thought I’d blown it though.”

“He sounds like a wonderful man, but why did you think you’d messed up?”

“I…I kissed him mom, well at least I think I moved first. Well maybe Tommy moved first, but…it was only a brief kiss, but…I liked it. It felt really good.” He put his coffee down and wiped away more tears, tears he thought he’d used up earlier.

“That’s not the end of it is it sweetheart?”

“No, we talked some more and…”

“More kisses?”

Adam looked into Leila’s eyes. “Yeah, more kisses. I liked how he tasted, how he kissed me back. I really like him mom and Tommy likes me, I just…” he sighed.

“You feel like you’re betraying Alex. I’m right aren’t I?”

“Yeah. How are you so clever?”

“Oh baby, you’re my beautiful boy and I always know when my babies are hurting or happy or anything in between.”

“I…miss Alex.”

“Adam, listen to me.” He nodded. “You and Alex were together for a long time, you loved each other so very much. Now you’re beginning to have feelings for Tommy and you’re thinking about Alex.” She saw Adam nod his head. “It’s only natural. What the pair of you had was so special and doesn’t happen to everyone. You’re bound to feel…guilty, but you have to remember this sweetie, Alex is not coming back, you are still here, you have a life to live and if this Tommy is going to help you start to live again then I say grab this opportunity with both hands. Hell grab Tommy with both hands if you’re both so inclined.” She watched the look of shock on her eldest son’s face turn to a grin at that last comment. “But whatever you do don’t push him away, he’s said he wants to be your friend, let him. If you want to be boyfriends, I say go for it. And by the look on your face when you got out of your car I believe that last statement may be truer than you’re saying. Am I right?”

Adam blushed “yeah, it felt so good holding Tommy, kissing him, he even got…” Adam stopped himself he was about to tell his mother about Tommy’s hard on. _Whoa, too much information for your mom to hear._

“He got what sweetie?” Adam blushed even deeper, “oh…ooohh! I don’t really need to know about that!”

“Mom! Nothing happened.”

“Would it matter if it had?”

“Oh boy, I’m 31 years old and talking to my mother about my sex life.”

“Hey, who else are you going to talk to?”

Adam groaned “Ok, we decided that all things considered, Tommy’s not really been with a guy and my statement to the press about not signing anymore, we’re taking things slowly, we’re going to see what happens.”

“Are you both ok with that?”

“Yeah, we are. We have a problem though.”

“Oh, what’s that?”

“Although Tommy knows who I am, I’m not ready to shout out to the world I’m dating again.” He saw Leila smile. “He’s said he’s not going to tell anyone until I’m ready. I want to be honest mom, but I’m scared that if I am, people are going to push for me to record again and I’m not ready for that. I don’t want to lose someone else because of that industry.”

“You’re not going to lose anyone else. It wasn’t the _industry_ that killed Alex, and before you say anything it wasn’t your fault either. It was those bullies. Now…I understand what you’re saying and I’ll respect your wishes, but how are you going to go anywhere with Tommy if you don’t tell people…Tommy’s friends…who you are?”

“I was hoping you’d help me with that. You and Sutan.”

“How are you going to keep up the pretence?”

“I don’t know. I’m scared.” Adam stood and began pacing around the room.

“I know you’re scared, but you have to be realistic.”

“I’ve thought about nothing but that since I asked Tommy to be with me. But I keep hitting that proverbial brick wall.”

“Come and sit down, let’s talk about it.”

“But it’s late, you should get some sleep.”

“Not until I know my troubled son is ok.”

Adam sat down and immediately Leila wound her arms around his shoulders.

“When are you seeing Tommy again?”

“He wanted to meet me for lunch tomorrow but I’m having lunch with Neil to talk about my best man duties.”

“What about tomorrow night?”

“Tommy’s band is playing at Bar 39 so I can’t see him.”

“Why don’t you go listen?”

“Last time I did that I ran away, they played Outlaws of Love, remember?”

“Ok, so why don’t you agree to meet him after they’ve finished playing. Pick him up, take him back to yours, go to his if you’re not ready to tell him where you live. But talk to him, work something out, otherwise he’s going to think you don’t want to be seen with him. And you said you don’t want to lose him.”

“I don’t mom, thank you.”

“What for sweetie?”

“For making things better, for listening to me rant on.”

“I like hearing about what’s going on in your life. And…I’d like to meet this amazing guy who’s put a smile back on your face.”

“Aww mom you’ll love him, he’s cute, a fantastic guitarist and a really nice guy.”

“Ah, he plays guitar.”

“Yeah, he’s really good, too good just for playing at Bar 39.”

“How do you know this?”

“He, um…I…well he played for me today and I sang Mad World. He didn’t hesitate about what key I wanted it playing in, he just picked up his guitar and played.” Adam smiled at the memory of them singing and playing together.

“He must be very special if he can get you singing again. Will you answer me one question?”

“Sure, fire away.”

“Did you enjoy signing with him?”

Adam smiled. “Yeah, I did, it just…it felt right.” Leila smiled. “What?”

“That’s the first positive thing you’ve said about singing since all this with Alex began. Maybe…”

“No mom, I’m not going back.”

“Adam, never say never. Who knows, maybe the both of you meeting like this was meant to happen. Maybe it’s what both of you need. Take it one day at a time and for now live for the present. Who knows what the future will bring for both of you.” She saw something flash across Adam’s face and he smiled. “Now…I think we both need some sleep. Why don’t you stay here tonight and then ring or message Tommy in the morning inviting him out after his performance.”

“Thank you, I will stay, and I will ask him back to mine. He should see all of me. I love you mom.”

“And I love you too.”

“Goodnight mom.”

“Night sweetie. Pancakes for breakfast?”

“Only if they’re your special ones.”

“Of course.”

“Yes please.” He kissed her then headed up to his room.

Leila watched him and for the first time for a very long time she saw her eldest son bound up the stairs. She must remember to thank Tommy for giving her, her son back.

^V^

Tommy woke to the sun streaming though the gap in his curtains. He groaned and rolled over trying to block out the light. He looked at the clock, 8.30am, he’d slept for over 8 hours, the longest he’d done for a very long time. He smiled, he’d been so relaxed with Adam he’d never felt like that when he’d had a girlfriend. This was going to work, they would make it work, he didn’t care who Adam was, the man was gorgeous, if he never wanted to sing again Tommy was fine with that. All the blond cared about right at this moment was having a boyfriend he could help, he could love… _Whoa there Ratliff, it’s too soon to be having those thoughts_. But Tommy smiled he could love Adam, there was a special connection between them. Whether it was because they’d both lost someone close or whether it was their love of music, he didn’t know, but they certainly had a strong connection to one another.

His phone rang. “Yeah, it’s early so it had better be good.”

“Morning TJ, sorry if I woke you.”

“Hey Craig, nope didn’t wake me, just lazing in bed, what can I do for you?”

“Just making sure you’re all set for tonight, wanted to remind you we have that record producer in.”

“Yeah, we’re ready, no I hadn’t forgotten and we haven’t told Josh.”

“Good, don’t want him panicking.”

Tommy smiled. “No, but the rest of us might.”

“Nah, TJ you’re all pro’s.”

“Thanks. Look I’ll be in for 10, just gonna grab a shower then on my way. Can you ring the others, get them there for the same time. If we do that we can rehearse, sound check and still have time for a break before tonight.”

“Sure. Tommy…”

“Mmm.”

“You ok?”

“Yeah Craig m’good. Why?”

“You sound different this morning.”

“Nope, still me, grouchy badass guitarist.” He laughed and heard Craig laugh.

“Ok, get your badass into gear and I’ll see you soon.”

“K, see ya soon.” He hung up. If Craig could detect something in his voice over the phone he’d have to be careful when he saw everyone.

Throwing the duvet off he headed towards the shower, he felt good and had a feeling that Josh’s dreams at least, would start to come true that night.

Twenty minutes later he was pulling his coat off the back of the kitchen chair and heading out. Making sure he’d got his phone in his pocket he closed his apartment door and headed to his car. Tommy hadn’t stopped smiling since he woke up, the thought of seeing Adam again, being in a relationship made him the happiest man alive. He just hoped that Adam still felt the same. But he would even settle for friendship.

Driving to Bar 39 he had his stereo turned up and was singing along to Metallica. It was the only time Tommy would sing, in the car on his own where no-one could hear how off key he was. His phone buzzed, he was going to check it but as he glanced in his rear view mirror he could see a police vehicle 2 cars back and it would be just his luck for them to catch him and he really didn’t want anything to go wrong today. The message would have to wait until he stopped.

Finally pulling up in the parking lot of Bar 39 he reached for his phone, grinning at the message. **Morning beautiful. Hope you slept well last night. I went to mom’s told her all about you. She wants to meet you. Have a good day, talk soon xx**

If Tommy was smiling on his journey he was grinning like a Cheshire cat now. He was a little worried though what Adam had told him mom and that she wanted to meet him. But that was for another time. Right now he was on a high and not a drink induced one either. As he made his way into the club he messaged back. **Should I be worried that your mom wants to meet me? I slept very well last night thank you, hope you did too. Just going to rehearse for tonight. Oh have a great lunch with your brother. You will make a gorgeous best man xx** Tommy was still grinning as he put his phone in his pocket and walked straight into Craig.

“Whoa Tommy Joe. You were miles away there.”

“M’sorry Craig, you ok?”

“Yeah I’m good, but something tells me you’re not my usual grumpy barman.”

“Hey, m’not grumpy.” Tommy lightly punched Craig’s arm.

“Ow!” Craig laughed, “so Mr Ratliff, you gonna spill, who’s put you in such a good mood, who is she?”

“Not a she.” Tommy knew he wouldn’t be able to keep anything from his boss. He’d known him too long.

“Oh…Ooohh! So who is _he_ then?”

“A friend.”

“Thomas Joseph Ratliff.” Craig knew that would wind him up, he also knew Tommy would know he was joking.

“Oh playing it like that are we boss man?”

“So…are you going to spill or do I have to confiscate your phone?”

Tommy laughed. “Nothing gets past you does it?”

“Nope, come on TJ put this poor man out of his misery. I’ll buy you a coffee.”

“Now you’re talking.” They headed to the bar, Craig going behind it and pouring 2 steaming mugs of coffee.

Tommy sat on a bar stool, “I’ve met someone.”

“And?”

“Jeez Craig.”

“You can’t just leave it at that.”

“Ok, I met this guy at the cemetery. He…let’s just say he was struggling with what had happened to his boyfriend. Anyway we got talking and…well…he came here the other night, heard us play, he couldn’t stay as…well didn’t stay because the song we were singing was his boyfriend’s favourite. So to cut a long story short, I met him again yesterday and…and we’re going to take things slowly, see what happens between us and…”

“And you’re dating him…right?”

Tommy blushed. “Yeah.”

“Way to go TJ, I’m pleased for ya man. It’s about time you had someone in your life.”

“Thanks Craig, would you…um…would you do me a favour?”

“Sure, name it.”

“Would you keep it to yourself for now. It’s in its early days and I…well I don’t want anything to go wrong.”

“Not a problem, but they’re gonna know something is going on. Come on…if I could sense it just now, they’re going to work it out too.”

“Oh! I didn’t…”

“Tommy you were grinning so wide you lit up the whole bar.”

“Oh!”

“Hey, it looks good on you.” Tommy blushed, “and that looks cute too.”

“I…fuck.”

“Come on, you deserve it.”

“I’m really fucked aren’t I?”

“Not if you come clean right from the start. They’ll be happy for you.”

“I just…I know I’ve told everyone I’m Bi, it’s just this is the first proper relationship I’ve been in with a guy.”

“And I say good on ya. I just want you to be happy.”

“I am Craig. He’s gorgeous, his eyes are beautiful and I…I can’t wait to see him again.”

“Then tell them, they’re your friends as well as colleagues and they _will_ understand.”

“Thank you.”

“What for?”

“Listening and not judging.”

“I’m not just your boss.”

“I mean about me being Bi.”

“Tommy Joe Ratliff, I don’t care whether you’re straight, Bi or Gay, shit man we’re all entitled to find somebody to love.” Tommy laughed. “What?”

He was still laughing, “you’ve just quoted a Queen song and it’s also one of the songs we’re doing tonight.” They both laughed.

“One more thing TJ”

“Yeah?”

“Does this amazing guy have a name?”

“Oh sorry, yeah, it’s Mitchel. Mitchel Adams.”

“Aah, so that’s the infamous man who got you wound up the other week.”

“Yeah, m’sorry for that and my attitude.”

“You were worried about him, I understand.”

“Thanks man.” Tommy smiled.

Craig made his way from behind the bar and hugged his friend. “Not a problem.”

“Whoa…sorry, you guys want us to leave?” Ashley’s voice echoed around the empty bar.

Tommy gave Ashley the finger as they pulled apart laughing.

“So what have we disturbed here?”

Craig looked at Tommy who lightly shook his head. “Ok but they’ll guess.” He whispered.

“Was just hugging my friend because he was feeling a bit down after his visit yesterday.” Tommy nodded gently.

“Thanks.” He whispered back.

“Oh Tommy what happened?”

“Nothing much, I just miss dad and often wonder what he’d think of me playing here.”

“He’d be so proud of you.”

“Yeah, I know, but…m’ok now. So you lot, are you ready to rehearse?”

“Sure.” They all spoke at once.

I’ll leave you to it. Remember I’m here if you want to talk.” Craig leant in and whispered, “plus I’d like to meet him one day.”

“Tommy smiled, “sure.”

“Can we at least grab a coffee?”

“Isaac Carpenter you wouldn’t survive if we ran out of coffee would you?”

“Nope, so pour Ratliff!”

Tommy carefully carried 4 coffees to the stage, but just as he was putting them down his phone rang. Retrieving it from his pocket he smiled at the caller ID.

“Hey,” he turned away from his friends, but he could feel their eyes on him. “You already messaged me this morning, what’s wrong?” Tommy moved away, he didn’t want the others to hear.

“I know, just wanted to talk to you.”

“Oh, m’just getting ready to rehearse for tonight.”

“I’m sorry, I’ll go.”

“No, don’t go, this is nice.”

“Yeah it is.”

“So, what did you want to talk about?”

“Can I…can I pick you up tonight after…after you’ve finished?”

“Wow…um…”

“If you don’t…”

“Never said that. But what about someone recognising you?” Tommy kept his voice low.

“What if I wait in my car, then when you’ve finished you could…”

“Yeah, I’d like that, but my car, work tomorrow?”

“I’ll bring you back.”

“Ok…yeah that sounds good.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really.”

“Thank you.”

“Do you want to go to mine?”

“I thought…if you didn’t mind…we could…um…go to mine. I’ll get take out.”

“Oh…”

“That’s ok, you don’t…”

“Hey stop right there. I didn’t say no, I just thought…well you might not want me at yours…not yet.”

“Tommy I’d really like you to see the whole of me, warts and all.”

“Ooo I’d love to check for warts.” Tommy stopped, he could feel himself blushing, he’d just admitted he’d like to see Adam naked.

“Mmm, I like the sound of that. So you’ll let me take you to mine?”

“Yes Adam.” Tommy hesitated, he hoped he hadn’t said that too loud. “Yes Mitchel, I’d like to go to yours.” He knew he was being watched and he’d have to explain, but what the fuck, he was happy and he couldn’t keep his happiness to himself. Craig was right.

“Aah, I guess there are others there?”

“Yeah sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, you tell your friends whatever you feel comfortable with. I’ll see you tonight. Oh what time will you finish?”

“Mmm about 11.30 is that ok or will it be…”

“Don’t you dare say too late. I’d be waiting even if it was early hours of the morning.”

“Ok, I’ll see you tonight.”

“See you later Tommy Joe.” Adam laughed, he knew what would come next.

Tommy groaned, blood taking its own route downwards, “fucker, you’ll pay for that later.”

“Yes please. Bye Tommy Joe.” Adam hung up.

Tommy groaned again, his dick twitching now, he really didn’t want to have to explain his hard on to his friends. “Be right back.” He headed to the gents before anyone could say anything.

Once he’d locked himself in a stall he unzipped his jeans, reached in wrapping a hand around his now hard dick. Releasing it from the confines of his clothing the braced himself against the wall of the cubicle and gave it a tug. He moaned at the sensation, he hadn’t jacked off to a guy before, this was something new. Moving his hand up and down he closed his eyes, an image of Adam appearing as he did so. His movements got quicker, sliding his thumb across the slit every time he reached the tip.

It wasn’t long before he was coming, Adam’s name escaping his lips as he moaned his release.

He snapped open his eyes, listening for anyone who may have entered the gents, but luckily he couldn’t hear anyone. _What the fuck Ratliff, was that all about? You have never jacked off to the image of a guy before, you really do have it bad._

Reaching for tissues he cleaned himself up, luckily he’d managed to aim and hit the toilet as he came, so there was nothing to clean up from the floor.

Taking deep breaths to bring his heart rate down, he managed to tuck himself back into his jeans and zip up. As he exited the stall he came face to face with Isaac.

“Hey, Isaac.”

“TJ, you ok?”

“Sure, why?”

“You got that phone call then disappeared, we were worried about you.”

“M’fine. Just let me wash up and I’ll be out.”

“K, but you would say if there was anything wrong?”

“Sure I would, but m’good.”

“K, see you out there.”

“Yep.” Tommy watched as Isaac left, releasing the breath he hadn’t realised he was holding. He’d have to be careful. He couldn’t say who was on the phone, they’d guess what he’d just been doing. No he’d wait till later just before he left, that way he wouldn’t have too much explaining to do.

As he made his way back his phone buzzed. **You ok Tommy Joe?** Tommy laughed. **No thanks to you. You will pay later!** He put his phone back in his pocket. As he was putting his guitar strap over his head his phone buzzed again.  
“Wow TJ, you are popular today. Anyone we know?”

“Nope!” He read the message and laughed. **Oh now that’s a promise I’ll make you keep!** Tommy just sent a winking face back.

“So you gonna spill who’s making you smile?”

“Nope, we’ve got rehearsals to do.”

“Spoil sport. After rehearsals then?”

“Maybe!” Tommy smiled. He loved his musical family, he would keep them guessing. “So let’s rehearse. We’ll start with Somebody To Love”

Agreement all around, they began playing.

Their set that night was electrifying. Tommy was on a high and he had Adam to thank for that. He couldn’t wait to see him later. Josh, he noticed, was singing his heart out. He hoped for the young man’s sake the producer liked what he was hearing.

They got to the last song and Josh turned to Tommy, smiling. “Hey TJ I know we said we’d finish with Outlaws of Love, but would you mind if we kept it upbeat and played Trespassing?”

They’d rehearsed it but decided not to play it as they didn’t want to run over their allotted time.

“Sure, not a problem.”

Josh turned to the audience, “Thank you ladies and gentlemen for another amazing night. As always we’d like to finish with a tribute to my favourite artist, wherever he is I hope he’s ok. Ladies and gentlemen our Adam Lambert song tonight is Trespassing. Enjoy and goodnight.

Tommy struck up the opening chord and was sure his grin would light up the whole of the club.

Adam had arrived early and toyed with the idea of sneaking into the darkened club to listen to his boyfriend play. He smiled, he liked the sound of that. He also felt a little guilty, he knew he had to move on but Alex was still a big part of him. He hoped Tommy would forgive him, those things he’d said when he rang the blond had got him thinking. Was he moving too fast? He wanted to be with Tommy, but…but what if…what if he couldn’t be with him in that way?

Looking at his watch he had another 20 minutes before Tommy finished. He made the snap decision, he would go and listen to the band.

Scott was on the door again and recognised him from the last time he’d been there.

“Oh good evening Mr Adams, nice to see you again. Are you feeling better tonight sir?”

“Um, yes thank you, I am. I’m sorry if I was rude to you last time.”

“Not a problem sir, just glad to see you back and feeling better.”

“Thank you.”

“Does TJ know you’re coming tonight? He never said he was expecting you.”

“Sort of. I said I’d wait for him in my car, I’m taking him for a drink. Thing is I’m early and…well would it be ok if I just stood inside the door and listened?”

“Not a problem sir. Any friend of TJ’s is welcome, go on in.”

“Thank you.” Adam quietly made his way in, he didn’t want to draw attention to himself and be recognised. He was pleased the guy on the door hadn’t recognised him.

As he entered he heard the singer mention his name. He paused, he couldn’t stay if they sang Outlaws again, but what would he say to the doorman? He waited, holding his breath, then slowly letting it go when Trespassing was mentioned. When Tommy began Adam’s breath was taken away, his friend was playing his song as if he’d been playing it for ever. Tommy was an amazing guitarist. Adam had thought he was good when he’d played for him, but hearing this…wow…he was way too good to play in this club.

Adam smiled and started humming along, he liked how the singer was interpreting his song. All too soon it was over and the crowd were shouting and applauding for more. Adam joined in the applause, they were excellent and he could understand why Friday night’s at Bar 39 were so popular.

“Wow, thank you ladies and gentlemen. If you’ve enjoyed our set tonight then tell your family and friends. If you haven’t then still tell you family and friends they may enjoy us more.”

The crowd laughed and applauded some more. Adam was grinning, he would love to hear their full set. He looked across to where Tommy stood and through the semi darkness he didn’t know how, but Tommy locked eyes with him and Adam could swear he saw the man blush.

He daren’t stay any longer, the lights were beginning to go up and he didn’t want to be recognised, so turning he headed back out the door and to his car to wait for Tommy.

The song ended and Josh was thanking their audience. Tommy couldn’t understand the feeling he was experiencing but he thought someone was watching him. Looking around in the darkness he spotted a figure near the door. The lights were beginning to go up and he locked eyes with Adam. He blushed, how long had he been standing there? Had he heard any of their songs? Wasn’t he afraid of being recognised? Tommy’s heart beat just that little bit faster and he glanced at the door again, but Adam had gone. Tommy couldn’t feel disappointed, Adam had made a huge step by actually coming into the club. In fact Tommy felt proud. Proud that his boyfriend had had the courage to enter when he knew that he may hear one of his own songs or that someone may recognise him. He needed to leave, he wanted to find out how Adam was. He hoped that if he’d heard Trespassing it hadn’t sent him running again.

“Tommy! Hey Tommy, you ok?”

“What? M’sorry Craig what was that?”

“You were miles away, anything wrong?”

“Hope not, just need to message someone then I’ll be with you.”

“K don’t be too long, that producers’ here, he wants to talk to you and Josh.”

“Why me? Thought it was just Josh.”

“Seems he wants to chat to you too.”

“K, be there in a minute.”

“We’ll be in the office.” Craig saw Tommy nod then reach for his phone.

**Hey Adam, you ok? That was a nice surprise, but…but you are still waiting for me aren’t you?** Tommy checked the message before he hit send.

He didn’t have to wait long for his answer. **Hi Tommy Joe, yes I’m waiting for you, why wouldn’t I? I’ll explain everything when you finish. How long you gonna be?**

Tommy breathed a sigh of relief. This was a step in the right direction for Adam. He hadn’t run away this time. **Just got to see Craig, will explain when I see you. Give me 10 minutes and then you can buy me a drink.**

Tommy headed towards Craig’s office. His phone buzzed as he lifted his hand to knock. **Ok, looking forward to our drink. You can tell me what you want to eat when I see you**. Tommy was tempted to say he’d love to taste Adam, but that was way too soon, so he settled for his usual smiley face.

The door opened as he was putting his phone away, “there you are TJ, come in we’ve got a proposition for you.”

Tommy noticed Josh in conversation with the guy from the recording company, a huge grin on his face. Following Craig in, he was introduced to Mr Wagner.

“You are an amazing guitarist Mr Ratliff.”

“Thank you, and its Tommy. What can I do for you?”

“Well Tommy after hearing you play tonight we’d like to offer you a job as a studio musician. We’ve been on the lookout for a guitarist for a long time and well, we heard you tonight and would like you to come to San Francisco and work for us.”

Tommy was in a state of shock, he’d dreamed of something like this happening. But he couldn’t do it. Not yet, not now he’d bet Adam. He couldn’t desert him that would be too much for the man to take.

“Mr Ratliff…sorry Tommy, what do you think to our offer?”

“Erm…”

“Just think TJ we could be working together. They’ve offered me a recording contract.”

“Congratulations Josh, you deserve it.”

“So Tommy, can we welcome you to our family too?”

Tommy smiled, “I’m sorry Mr Wagner but I’m afraid I’m going to have to decline your offer.”

“Tommy you’re crazy. This is what you’ve wanted since you began working here. What…why…?”

“It used to be what I wanted, things change. I’m happy doing what I do.”

“TJ it’d be amazing, you…”

“M’sorry gentlemen, but my answer is no. I’m going to stay where I am, but thank you for the offer.”

“Mr Ratliff…” Tommy stared at the record exec, “I know it’s come out of the blue, will you at least think about my offer. Josh is coming to San Francisco in two weeks. Take that time to really think about my offer. Then let me know.”

“Like I said, things change. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m running late, I’m meeting a friend. Goodnight gentlemen and congratulations Josh.” Tommy headed for the door.

“At least think about it!”

“The answer would still be no. Goodnight.” He closed the door leaving the three men stunned. He knew he’d get the third degree from Craig and Josh the next time he saw them, but he didn’t want to think about that right now. He wanted to be with Adam. Picking up his guitar he waved goodbye to Ashley and Isaac and headed for the exit.

Adam was beginning to worry, Tommy had said he’d only be 10 minutes but he’d already been longer. Adam was about to message him when he saw the blond leaving the club, not looking his usual happy self. Something had happened and he hoped it wasn’t anything too drastic. _Shit, maybe he’d been told that they didn’t need him anymore. Come on Adam you know that’s not right, you heard the crowd. Wait until he gets in your car then ask him._ Adam also hoped it wasn’t anything to do with him.

Tommy opened the rear door, placing his guitar gently on the back seat. Getting in, “Hey, thank you for waiting.”

“Said I would. Is everything ok Tommy?”

“Yeah everything’s fine, can we please just go.”

“Ok, you still want to go to mine or do you want to go home?”

“No, still want to you to take me to yours. I really don’t want to be alone right now.”

“Tommy, please can’t you tell me?”

“Not in the car. I’m sorry Adam…”

Adam was frightened, he didn’t like how Tommy said his name. Was he going to tell him he didn’t want to do this anymore. _Fuck, you should never have flirted on the phone earlier. Too soon_. “Have I….?”

Tommy turned as much as he could in the confines of his seatbelt, putting a hand on Adam’s thigh, “no Adam you haven’t done anything, I promise you. I don’t want to explain in the car. I need a drink, then I’ll tell you everything. But I want you to do something for me.”

Adam could feel the heat of Tommy’s hand seeping through his jeans and it was sending messages to his dick. Messages that he thought he’d never feel again, but now wasn’t the time. He had to listen to his boyfriend. “Anything, Tommy Joe.”

_Nngh there it was again, Tommy’s dick woke up. Not quite what he needed right now_. “When we get to yours I have something to tell you, but I don’t want you to interrupt. I want you to just listen, can you do that for me?”

Glancing across, Adam saw a worried look in the beautiful brown eyes. “Of course I’ll listen, I owe you for listening to me yesterday.”

“Thank you.” Tommy squeezed Adam’s thigh then left his hand there. It felt good, he felt grounded.

They drove the remainder of the journey in silence, both deep in thought as to what the other was going to say.

^V^

Pulling up outside Adam’s apartment block he turned to Tommy, “we’re here, you sure you still want to come up? You’ve not said anything all the way here.”

“Mmm I’m sorry, it’s just…”

“You have to talk to me, you said you would and I promised I’d listen…no questions. But if you don’t want to stay I will take you home.”

Tommy looked at Adam, “take me inside, I’ll explain everything.”

Adam squeezed Tommy’s hand then got out. Tommy was waiting for him as he came around the car.

“Don’t leave your guitar, I may want you to play some more for me.” He saw the blond smile. “That’s better. Whatever is bothering you we’ll sort it out.” Tommy nodded, retrieved his baby and waited for Adam to lock the car. Without thinking Adam reached for Tommy’s hand and entwined their fingers.

Tommy knew then he was doing the right thing, staying with this gorgeous man.

Tommy was in awe as he looked around Adam’s apartment. He would be able to fit all of his into Adam’s lounge.

“Well Tommy, what do you think?”

“It’s…wow. I’m thinking I could fit my whole apartment into this room…it’s…wow.”

Adam laughed, “You already said that, but I’m pleased you like it.” Tommy stared at his feet, “hey, what’s wrong?” Adam was still worried about his boyfriend.

“Just wondering why you’re bothering with me after you’ve seen my place.”

“Oh Tommy, I like you and I don’t care what your place is like, it’s your home. This…” he waved his arms around, “…this is a base for me. It’s not a home…not yet.” He smiled at the blond and gently kissed him. “Now are you going to tell me what’s been eating away at you on the drive over. I heard you play Trespassing tonight and you were amazing.”

“Thank you. I was surprised to see you there and then you disappeared. I thought you’d run away again.”

“Not this time, I couldn’t do that to you again. I just didn’t want to be recognised.”

“Oh, I can understand that, Josh would have been the first to know who you are.”

“Look, let’s go sit down and you can tell me what’s really bothering you.”

“Ok, but I’ve already decided what I’m going to do, so not really worth bothering about. M’fine now.”

“Mmm, but still tell me, I was…am worried about you.”

Tommy laughed. “How the tables have turned. It was me being worried about you that brought us together.”

“And I’m pleased it did. Now would you like coffee or something stronger?”

“Have you any Jack Daniels?”

“I think so. Look, go sit down and I’ll get the drinks.”

Tommy took his guitar and as he went to sit he glanced around taking in the photographs of Adam and Alex. The one that caught his eye the most was of them both laughing and they looked so very happy. He was still staring at it when Adam came through with their drinks.

“That was our last photo together.”

“M’sorry, didn’t mean to…”

“Hey you’re not, if I didn’t want anyone to see it I’d have put it away.”

“It’s a good picture of both of you.”

“Thank you. Here you go, sorry it’s not Jack, but it is whisky.”

“That’s ok thanks.”

“Now are you going to tell me what was eating you?”

“K, but you promised not to interrupt.”

“And I won’t. So Tommy…spill.”

Tommy explained everything about the record exec, Josh’s offer and his offer. How Josh had accepted and he’d declined. When he’d finished Adam was silent.

“So, I’ve finished aren’t you going to say anything?”

“Yeah, why did you turn it down? It’s what you’ve always wanted.”

“I turned it down because it’s what I used to want. I’m happy with what I have, plus…”

“Plus what Tommy?”

“Plus I don’t want to leave you, not now I’ve found you.” Tommy looked down at his feet not wanting to meet the beautiful blue eyes as he knew what would come next.

“Tommy, look at me.” Tommy continued staring at the floor, “Tommy Joe, please.” Adam put a finger under Tommy’s chin and forced him to look into his eyes. “You should take it, it’s a massive opportunity for you.”

“I know, but…”

“Tommy you’re an amazing musician, I’d have you in my band at the drop of a hat, shit I’d make you my Musical Director. What you do with songs no-one else can play or adapt them like you can.”

“I’m happy where I am, I’m making enough to live and I like my job. Besides I’ve only just met you.”

“Oh Tommy, if I’m the reason you haven’t taken the job then…”

Tommy placed a finger over Adam’s lips. “I haven’t taken the job because I don’t want to be just another studio musician. I love playing live on stage. I love the buzz I get from the reactions of the audience and don’t really want to move to San Francisco, I like Burbank.” He removed his finger and gently kissed him.

“Oh so you didn’t turn it down because you didn’t want to leave me?”

Tommy blushed. “That as well.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Go for it.”

“I’m definitely not the only reason you declined the job?”

“No Adam you’re not the only reason.” Tommy hoped he was convincing, Adam was the reason he’d declined.

“Ok, I believe you. So, how was the show tonight?” Adam didn’t want to press him further he didn’t want to upset him any more than he already seemed.

“It was good. I’m pleased you got to hear one song. I’d love for you to be there for it all.”

“One day I will, I promise.”

Tommy put down his glass, leant over and kissed him. Gently at first then Adam relaxed and parted his lips allowing Tommy’s tongue entry. For several blissful seconds their tongues danced and their breathing got heavier. Then Adam suddenly pulled away, leaving Tommy confused.

“I’m sorry Tommy I…”

“Adam, what’s wrong? Did I do something wrong?”

“Oh Tommy you didn’t do anything wrong, it’s me…”

“We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to. I said before, we can take as long as we want. Just don’t push me away.”

“Maybe you should go to San Francisco.”

“No Adam, unless _you_ want me to go?”

“I’m scared Tommy.”

“I can understand that, I’m scared too. But you didn’t answer my question, do you want me to go to San Francisco?”

Adam looked as though he was going to cry, “No Tommy I don’t want you to go. I don’t want to lose you not now I’ve found you. But…”

“But what?” Tommy held onto Adam’s hands.

“What I said on the phone this morning, how I wanted you to…”

“Look, we don’t have to do anything until you’re ready. I’m new to this and I know you still miss Alex.”

“But I want to be with you, be your boyfriend.”

“And you are with me, you are my boyfriend. We can do other things, we don’t have to have sex. I can think of a few things I’d like to do with you.”

“Oh Tommy, why are you so patient with me?”

“Because I can see how much you’re still hurting. Yes I want to take that hurt away, but I don’t want you to forget Alex, you have memories that no-one can take from you. I just want to be able to make new memories with you. I like you and I want nothing more to experience my first time with you, but only when you’re ready.”

Adam wiped away a tear that had escaped his eyes. Tommy noticed and leant over to kiss his cheek.

“You’re an amazing man Adam Lambert and I can see why Alex loved you. Now I’m going to call a cab and let you get some sleep.”

“NO!” Tommy looked into the sad beautiful eyes. “M’sorry, I didn’t mean to shout. Please don’t go. I…would you…” He sighed, “what I’m trying to say is…will you stay with me tonight. I mean…”

“Yes.”

“We don’t…what?”

“I said yes Adam I’ll stay.” Adam smiled and then he was pulled into a hug by the taller man. “Do you want me to stay on the couch?”

“No.”

“Adam, speak up, I couldn’t hear you.”

“I said no, I don’t want you to stay on the couch. I…fuck, I want you to stay in my bed. I want to hold you tonight, I…I don’t want to…”

“That’s ok, cuddling would be nice. I’m a cuddle slut, ask any of my friends.” They laughed, “there that’s the Adam I like better. You’re gorgeous when you laugh.” Tommy blushed.

“And you’re gorgeous when you blush. Can…can I kiss you?”

“You don’t have to ask.”

Adam moved closer, snaking his arms around the smaller man. Looking into his eyes he leant in and gently kissed him. This time it was Tommy who opened up to allow Adam’s tongue entry. Tommy wound his arms around Adam holding on tight. If he’d been standing he’d have ended in a heap, his legs, his whole body melting into the sensations that were coursing through him right now.

Finally pulling apart when the need to breathe overtook them, Adam looked at Tommy and smiled.

“What?”

“Will you play for me again?”

“Now?”

“No, in the morning…please?”

“Of course I will, I’d love to. Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Why do you like me playing for you?”

“You calm me, I feel alive again, something I never thought I’d ever feel.”

“Are you ever going to go back to singing?” Adam looked sad, “M’sorry, you don’t have to answer that.”

“Yeah I do. No…I’ve lost too much, the industry…”

“No it wasn’t.”

“What do you mean?”

“It wasn’t the industry that took Alex from you. It was those bullies.”

“Have you been talking to my mom?”

“No…why?”

“Because that’s exactly what she said.”

“And she’s right. Look I know you’re hurting, but never say never…ok?”

“I don’t know Tommy.”

“Don’t answer me now, just…will you think about it?”

“Maybe.”

“That’ll do for me.” He leant over and kissed him gently. Pulling away Tommy yawned.

“Oh Tommy I’m sorry, you’ve had a busy night, come on let’s go to bed. I’ll cuddle you whilst you sleep.”

“Mmm sounds nice. Ok, lead the way.”

Adam stood, holding out his hand, Tommy slipped his hand in the taller man’s and allowed himself to be led to the bedroom. Once there they stood staring at each other, neither moving, neither shedding any clothes.

“How…um…what?” Adam was nervous.

“So how about t-shirt and underwear?”

“K, sounds a good idea. I usually don’t wear anything.”

Tommy was immediately picturing a naked Adam and it took all his willpower not to pop a boner.

“Um if you’d like I could go…”

“No Tommy, like I said, want to cuddle, so t-shirt and boxers is fine.” Adam began taking his jeans off, so Tommy did the same, neither taking their eyes of the other.

Adam crawled under the duvet lifting it up for Tommy to slide under. Once Tommy was comfortable Adam slid behind him spooning him. It felt good to hold someone again.

“This ok Tommy Joe?”

“Mmm feels nice.” Tommy felt for Adam’s hand and held on to it.

“Night Tommy Joe.”

“Night Adam.” Tommy fell asleep almost immediately.

Adam lay still taking in the scent that was just Tommy, he never thought he’d find anyone again, but he was pleased this beautiful blond had walked into his life. He promised himself he would make sure he treated the man right, he wanted to keep this one.

^V^

Adam woke wondering what the weight was on his stomach. He gently raised his head and stared at the blond hair that was splayed out across him. Smiling he whispered “Oh Alex, I hope you approve, you’d like Tommy.” Reaching gently he brushed some stray hair off Tommy’s face. The beautiful man was still asleep and Adam didn’t want to disturb him so he lay staring at him.

Tommy’s weight shifted, his hand now resting on Adam’s bare thigh. Adam moaned, the heat of the man’s hand and the weight pressing down on him woke feelings that had laid dormant for a long while. Adam could feel his dick waking up. Tommy shifted again, his face closer to Adam’s length than it really should have been. Adam held his breath, he didn’t know whether to push Tommy off or remain completely still. He didn’t have to wait long, the decision was suddenly made for him.

Tommy’s weight shifted again, his hand slowly moved up Adam’s leg and he kissed the now very hard length. Adam moaned louder.

“Morning gorgeous. This is a nice sight to wake up to.” Tommy kissed him through his boxers again.

“Fuck Tommy Joe, I thought you were still asleep.”

“Mmmm” he light sucked at the tip through the boxers.

“Why…nngh…why didn’t you…aargh, fuck why didn’t you tell me?”

“Wanted to surprise you, didn’t want you thinking too much. So…” he kissed him again, “so I thought this was a good idea. But I’ll stop if…”

“Nnngh…don’t…stop…please.”

Tommy left his hand high up on Adam’s thigh, but lifted his head to gaze into the blue eyes of his boyfriend.

“I’ll continue if you’ll do something for me?” Adam looked scared, “hey m’not going to ask you to fuck me.” He felt and saw him relax slightly. “No, would you…will you let me take these off?” Tommy lightly tugged on Adam’s boxers. He felt Adam tense again. “Not going to make you do anything you don’t want to do.” He knew the dark haired man was over thinking, but he wanted him to feel safe.

“I…oh Tommy…I want you to be able to do things to me, with me, I just…”

“I promise I won’t hurt you.”

“I want you to carry on, I want to feel you without anything between us. Yes Tommy I’ll…” He went to remove them but Tommy stopped him.

“Uh huh, let me, want to be able to drink in your beautiful body.”

“It’s not…”

“Don’t you dare, you’re beautiful to me.”

Adam smiled “K.”

Tommy kissed his leg and reached for the waistband of the shorts. Tommy kept his eyes locked on Adam’s and gently pulled the thin fabric down releasing a very hard dick.

“Mmm can’t wait to get my lips around that.” Tommy kissed the tip.

“Nngh Tommy, I…stop please!”

Tommy looked into Adam’s eyes, “hey it’s ok, we can leave this for another day. Told you, we go at your pace.”

“No Tommy, I do want you to carry on, but I…shit, I’m sorry.”

“You’re overthinking.”

“Suppose I am, I’m scared that I’m going to disappoint you.”

Tommy brushed a hand down Adam’s side, down his leg and he felt the dark haired man shiver, “you feel that?”

“Yeah but…”

“No but’s Adam, you’ve been a long time without anyone, Alex is in here.” He put a hand over Adam’s heart. “You loved him so very much and you thought you’d be with him for the rest of your life. He was taken from you and I know you blame yourself, but would he blame you, would he want you to spend the rest of your life on your own?” He saw a slight shake of his head.

“No Tommy he wouldn’t, he always wanted the best for me.”

“Well if right now I can be the best for you, help you to live again, then I’m happy. If you move on from me to someone you can love again, then I’ll take with me wonderful memories of our time together. I suppose what I’m saying is no matter how long our relationship lasts, let’s just take it one day at a time.”

“Wow for a man of few words you certainly can make sense.”

Tommy blushed and he felt Adam’s dick twitch. “Mmm someone’s awake and wants to play.”

“And it’s you Tommy Joe that did that, thank you and I’m sorry.”

“Never apologise for anything like this.” He stroked his hand up the length, eliciting a moan from the dark haired man.

“I do want you Tommy.”

“I know and I want you, but slowly. Ok?” Adam nodded, “now how about I finish what I started?”

“Yes please.”

Tommy smiled and leant down kissing the tip of Adam’s length. He felt Adam begin to relax more and he smiled, he was going to make this man feel so good. Kissing his way down and back up the length he could feel himself getting hard. This had never happened so quickly before, he’d had to use his hand to get there even when he’d been with a woman. Adam really did make his senses tingle.

Slowly stroking the beautiful member he held on lightly, he didn’t want to startle Adam. But the sounds coming from the man’s mouth were making him smile. Gently holding the base of Adam’s dick he kissed the tip, ran his tongue along the slit then parted his lips and took a little of it into his mouth.

“Nngh, fuck Tommy, so…nngh…good.”

Tommy slowly moved down the length careful to keep his teeth covered, the last thing he wanted was to hurt his boyfriend. Adam was bigger than Tommy realised and there was no way he would be able to accommodate the full length in his mouth. That would happen later. Moving his hand in rhythm with his mouth he continued moving up and down.

T…Tommy…nngh!” Adam was trying to talk but nothing coherent was escaping his mouth.

Tommy continued moving, licking and sucking at every pass, dipping his tongue into the slit as he reached the tip. He could feel Adam’s hands moving around, not really sure what he should do with them. Tommy liked having his hair pulled, so pulling off much to the disappointing sounds coming from Adam, he looked up. “You can pull my hair if you want, I like that.”

“Mmm” Was all he got in reply.

Going back down he kissed the tip before taking more of it down his throat, trying to relax it to be able to take it all. He couldn’t quite manage but what he had felt so good. Then a hand went into his hair and Adam gave a slight tug. Tommy moaned, the moan sending vibrations through Adam.

Tommy’s dick ached for release, _what the fuck?_ No one had ever had this effect on him. He couldn’t touch himself he was trying to hold Adam’ down, he didn’t want him bucking his hips off the bed and gagging him.

Moving faster, hand and mouth in a steady even rhythm, Tommy could feel Adam was close.

“F.U.C.K! Tommy, not…nngh not gonna last much longer.”

Tommy smiled he was close too. He hummed around Adam as he bobbed up and down, knowing it would affect the man underneath him.

“Tommy, I…aargh!” Adam came quicker than Tommy could pull off. He’d never swallowed before, always using a hand to finish his partner. This was new. He pulled off gazing into blue eyes that were smiling. He felt good, he’d put that look on Adam’s face.

Moving up he kissed him wanting to let him taste himself in his mouth.

Pulling apart, “Wow Tommy that was…and you taste of me.”

“Did you like it?”

“mm but I think I’d like the taste of you even more. Will you…”

“Only if you want to, if you’re ready. I don’t want you to do anything if…”

“Oh Tommy, I want, and besides you seem to have a slight problem. I can um…feel someone needing release.” Tommy had moved further up and his hard dick was pressing against Adam’s thigh.

“Oh, yeah, that. I’ll be ok.”

“No Tommy you need to…”

“Then I’ll go to the bathroom and…” He didn’t get to say anymore, Adam’s hand had reached into his boxers, wrapped around his length and was slowly moving up and down.

“Shit!” Adam, warning…fuck…warning next time.”

Adam kissed anymore words from Tommy, his hand continuing to pull on his boyfriends length. As he reached the tip he twisted his hand, the moans leaving the blonds mouth a sign that he was doing this right.

Tommy had never felt so good, Adam had large hands that could wrap all the way around his dick, the sensations he was feeling sending his brain into meltdown.

Adam’s hand expertly stroked, pulled and gently coaxed Tommy into oblivion. He could feel the smaller man was close, he wanted this man so very much. He had been right, Alex wouldn’t want him to be lonely. Without another thought, he eased himself down the bed and in one movement swallowed Tommy’s length right down to its base.

“FUCK! Adam…you…aargh!” Tommy came sooner than he’d expected. He felt slightly embarrassed, he’d not come so quick since he first discovered that his hand could work wonders.

Adam smiled as he swallowed the warm liquid. Tommy was beautiful. He closed his eyes thanking whoever had brought this man into his life. He also thought about Alex. He was right in moving on, he knew his amazing lover wouldn’t want him to be alone. He just hoped that he would have approved of Tommy.

Moving up the bed he could feel Tommy’s breathing slowing down. The blonds eyes were closed, his head pushed back into the pillow. He kissed him, a moan escaping his mouth.

Opening his eyes Tommy stared into the blue pools, “hey”

“Welcome back.”

“Mmmm.”

“You ok?”

“M’ok, brain left the building, dick dead, but other than that ok.”

“But I didn’t want to kill your gorgeous dick.”

“Well maybe you could revive it, but um…kinda not right now…ok?”

Adam laughed, “Oh Tommy you do have a way with words.”

“Stop with the words, just fuckin’ kiss me.”

Adam leant down and kissed him, his tongue asking for entry into Tommy’s mouth.

Tommy obliged, tasting himself on Adam’s tongue and in his mouth. He’d never had anyone blow him and then let him taste himself on them.

Pulling apart Adam looked at him. “What are you thinking about?”

“You’re the first person who’s done that to me and…well…”

“You didn’t like it did you?” Adam looked sad.

“I’m not saying that, it’s just a new sensation…and…well I could get used to it.” Tommy smiled.

“That’s good because I intend on doing it again.” Adam kissed his boyfriend then sat up.

“What’s wrong Adam?”

“Mmm nothing, after that I could use a shower. Want to um…want to join me?”

Tommy ran a hand down Adam’s back feeling a shiver work its way through the beautiful body. “Do you mean that?”

Adam turned and smiled. “Yeah Tommy Joe I do mean it.” Standing and holding out his hand he helped Tommy off the bed.

“Lead the way.” Tommy kissed Adam’s neck and allowed himself to be led to the bathroom. Tommy stared at Adam’s body, it was the first time he’d noticed all the gorgeous freckles. “Mmm can I play dot to dot with all your beautiful freckles?”

Adam’s face changed, Tommy noticed his eyes drop. “Hey what’s wrong?”

“I always hated them, I covered them up, I was bullied because of them and my hair colour. That’s why I started dying my hair black and why I’ve got my tattoos.”

“But you’re beautiful Adam and please don’t let anyone tell you differently.”

“You are only the second person to say they like my freckles, Alex was the other.”

“I’m sorry if I’ve upset you, I didn’t mean to.”

“I know. It’s just sometimes things you say remind me so much of him. I’m trying to move on.”

“I can see that and I never want you to stop remembering him. He was your lover, your life for so long. I want you to tell me about him whenever you feel you can.”

“Do you really mean that Tommy?”

“Of course I do.” He kissed him again, “now, how about that shower?”

“You’re an amazing man Tommy Joe.” Adam turned on the shower pulling Tommy in with him.

“Adam you didn’t give me chance to take off my underwear, now they’re all wet.”

“Oh yeah.” He giggled, “Now you’ll just have to go commando.”

“But I have to be at work in an hour, won’t have time to…oh!” Tommy suddenly realised what Adam had said. “You did it on purpose didn’t you?”

“What…me? No!” he giggled again.

“I will get my revenge Mr Lambert.” Tommy bent down and removed his very wet underwear.

“Nngh Tommy you can’t imagine what you look like.”

Tommy blushed, “do you…” Tommy stopped when a hand grabbed his arm and pulled him close. “What happened to going slow?”

“I was watching you sleep this morning and I did some thinking.”

“Oh and we’re going to have this conversation in your shower?”

“I need to say it now or I may not say it at all.” Tommy smiled and nodded. “I know Alex is not coming back, you are so beautiful Tommy, and you can’t imagine how much you’ve helped me in such a short time. I want to give us a chance and I need you to know that I will try not to disappoint you.” He kissed the blond pushing him against the shower wall.

“Adam, I know it’s been difficult for you and no matter how long it takes I’ll be here with you. Now enough talk and more kissing, I need to go to work.”

Adam didn’t need asking twice, he kissed his boyfriend and instead of hurrying they managed to slowly wash each other between sensual touching, bringing each other to a climax again. Several minutes and kisses and nips later, they emerged from a steamy bathroom, white fluffy towels around their waists.

Tommy bent to pick his jeans up and as he stood two strong arms wrapped around his waist. “You’re going to make me late for work.”

“Mmm but I want to give you something to remind you of this morning.”

“Oh and what’s that?”

“This.” Adam bit down on the skin at the juncture of Tommy’s neck.

“Fuck!” Tommy was pleased Adam had hold of him otherwise he’d be in a heap on the floor.

Adam continued sucking and he smiled to himself he liked marking his boyfriends he like saying to the world that they were his. He hoped Tommy didn’t mind having visible marks.

Pulling off and kissing the purple mark, he turned Tommy in his arms. “M’sorry if you…”

Tommy put a finger over Adam’s lips. “Don’t apologise. That was hot and you have the power to wake feelings in me I didn’t know existed.” He ground his hips against Adam letting him feel his now hard dick. “I’ve never had this happen to me, ever. You are the only person to do this and I like it. I also like you marking me as yours, so never say you’re sorry.” He kissed him quickly. “Now as much as I want you to help me with this…” he ground his hips again, “I really do have to get to work.”

“I know you do, I…will you…”

“What Adam?”

“Say no if you want to.”

“How can I say no if you haven’t asked me a question?”

Adam smiled, “after you finish work tonight will you come back here…please?”

Tommy grinned, I’d like that, want me to bring food on the way?”

“Sounds good. What time do you finish?”

“Early tonight. I should be here about 9 is that ok?”

“Perfect. I’m going to see mom, so I’ll pick up a bottle of Jack Daniels on the way back.”

“Mmm music to my ears. Speaking of music, can I um…I don’t need my guitar today, would you mind looking after her for me?”

“It would be my pleasure, on the condition you play for me when you get here tonight?”

“That would be _my_ pleasure.” Tommy hoped that the more he played and Adam sang, the more Adam would think about singing professionally again. Tommy had an idea but he had to think carefully about how he was going to put his plan into action. Kissing his boyfriend, “I really should get dressed.”

“I know, but I like seeing you naked.”

“And you’re gorgeous too.” Tommy’s phone rang. “Sorry I should get that.”

Reluctantly Adam let go and watched as Tommy took the call.

“Tommy speaking…hi Craig…no m’ok, just running late this morning…No I’ll be there in about 30 minutes…yeah I know…no I don’t want to talk about it…told you last night my plans have changed…yes I know what I said…look Craig I don’t want to have this conversation on the phone…I’ll be there in 30 then we can talk…and don’t worry about finding a replacement for Josh…no I don’t but we can hold auditions…Craig, look the longer you keep me talking on the phone the later I’m going to be. Now I’m hanging up, just got out of the shower so need to get dressed. K, I’ll see you soon.” He hung up.

“Tommy are you ok?”

“Yeah, Craig wants me to take that job, but as I said last night, I don’t just want to be a studio musician. I love performing too much. And before you ask again, no I’m not staying just to make sure you’re alright. I want to be with you and I want to keep playing live music.”

“I will be ok you know?”

“I’ve no doubt you will, but I’m not going and that’s my final word.”

Adam moved to Tommy and kissed him. What was meant to be a quick kiss turned into both of them opening up and allowing their tongues to dance. Breathing speeded up both feeling the others erections straining against the towels still wrapped around their waists.

Pulling apart when the need to breathe overtook them they stared into each others eyes trying to decipher the looks that flashed across them.

“You had better to go work, don’t want Craig ringing you again. We can take care of these…” Adam brushed a hand between them lightly touching their erections. “…tonight if…if you want to?”

“Oh I want.” Tommy pulled away reluctantly and got dressed. He felt a little strange not having any underwear on but smiled at the thought that it was Adam that had done it to him.

Adam dressed and went in search of his phone, He wanted to talk to his mother. He wanted to tell her about Tommy Joe.

“Hey there you are. I turned around and you’d disappeared.”

“Just messaging my mom, making sure she’s in. Oh Tommy I’m so sorry.”

“Erm what for?”

Adam moved closer. “Um…this.” He touched the very bright mark on Tommy’s neck, visible above his t-shirt. “I didn’t mean to…”

“Hey I don’t care, I’m yours and this shows I am.”

“But what will your colleagues say?”

“Don’t care, they will want to know who I’m seeing, I’ll just tell them a gorgeous man. So stop worrying.”

“Ok.” Adam half smiled, “so I’d better get you to work.”

“You sure you want to take me? I mean, it is daylight and you could be seen.”

“Yes I want to take you, I…I don’t have to get out of my car if…”

“That’s fine by me, whatever you’re comfortable with.”

“Come on then, let’s get you to Bar 39.” Adam held out his hand, Tommy laced his fingers in the larger hand and they headed for the car.

 

tbc


	7. Chapter 7

Pulling up in the parking lot, Tommy undid his seat belt. As he was about to get out Adam put a hand on his thigh.

“Tommy…wait.”

Tommy felt the heat of Adam’s hand seeping through his jeans, he had to really concentrate, he didn’t want to walk into work sporting a boner.

“Yeah?” He smiled.

“Thank you for this morning, I haven’t felt so alive for such a long time.”

“I enjoyed myself too.”

“You are a beautiful man Tommy Joe.”

That did it, all of Tommy’s blood took a detour right to his dick. He moaned.

Adam’s hand moved up his thigh and gently stroked the now prominent bulge. “Oh baby…” he stopped.

Tommy realised what Adam had said. “Hey what’s wrong?”

“I um…I shouldn’t…Alex…” He knew he wasn’t really making much sense but how could he explain to Tommy that’s what he called Alex.

“Adam, look at me.” Adam lifted his head. “I understand. You used to call Alex that didn’t you?” Adam nodded, Tommy could see tears in his eyes. “It’s ok, I’m here, not going anywhere. If you want to have some time…”

“No Tommy, don’t tell me to have time on my own, I’ve had the last 4 months on my own and now I’ve met you I…” He sniffed and wiped his eyes.

Tommy reached across and wiped a stray tear from his cheek, “it’s ok, you don’t have to be on your own.”

“Thank you Tommy. Does that mean you still want to be with me tonight?”

“Of course I’ll be there.” He leant over and kissed his cheek.

Adam smiled, “you’re amazing and I will make sure that I take care of this later.” He palmed his hand over Tommy’s erection.

“Nnngh if you keep doing that I’m gonna have to change my jeans, no underwear…remember?”

“Oh yeah, I remember.” He pressed down lightly.

“Fuck Adam!” Tommy’s hips lifted off the seat, “God I really want you to…”

Adam unzipped Tommy’s jeans and reached in wrapping a hand around the now very hard leaking length.

“Shit Adam I’m gonna…nngh!”

Adam quickly moved his hand up and down the length watching Tommy’s eyes close and his head push back against the headrest. He smiled, he liked how he could make Tommy lose it so quickly.

Adam…nngh…gonna…gonna aarggh!” He came so hard he whited out.

Adam managed to catch most of the warm liquid in his hand only losing a small amount over Tommy’s t-shirt. Reaching behind his seat he found a box of tissues he kept there for when he went to visit Alex. Wiping his hand and attempting to wipe Tommy’s shirt he smiled as the blond moved to look at him.

“I’m sorry Tommy.”

“Wow...um don’t ever be sorry for a hand job like that…wow!”

Adam laughed, “am I forgiven?”

“Oh yeah, on one condition.”

“mmm?”

“I get more of that tonight?”

Adam leant across and kissed him, “will be my pleasure.”

“Hey, be careful, a hand job can’t be seen from the angle you’ve parked your car, but kissing me, what if someone sees?”

“M’sorry, I…”

“I’m not saying I don’t want you kissing me, in fact I want you to keep doing it. I’m saying what if someone recognises you. You said yourself you wanted to remain in the background.”

“I know what I said, but you’re making me feel so good about myself, I…I want people to know you’re with me, but it also scares the hell out of me too.”

“Oh Adam I want to tell people about us too, but let’s go slowly, like we said last night. The press will have a field day when they find out and for your sanity I don’t want that to happen until we’re both ready.”

“Thank you…again. You’re so good for me. Would you um…would you mind if I told my mom you spent the night with me?” Tommy blushed “please stop that Tommy, I’m going to have a problem to sort out if you keep looking so gorgeous.”

Tommy laughed. “Well as for your _problem_.” He palmed a hand over the front of Adam’s jeans causing him to moan. “I’ll make sure that gets sorted tonight. As for telling your mom, you talk to her, tell he what you want, just warn me before I meet her what you _have_ said, then I’ll know whether to be embarrassed or not.” He laughed.

“You’re amazing, thank you.”

“Well amazing or not, I really do need to go to work. I would like to keep my job.”

“Ok, m’sorry.”

“There’s that word again. Told ya, don’t ever be sorry.”

“Alright…Tommy.”

“Yeah?”

“Before you go can I kiss you?”

“Yes please.”

Adam leant across, turning Tommy’s face towards him. He gently kissed him, Tommy opening for Adam’s tongue, heat rising in both of them, their breathing getting faster. Tommy could feel his heart racing, no girl had ever caused all these sensations when they’d kissed him. Adam was special and he was very quickly falling for him. He pulled away trying to get straight in his mind what he’d just thought. He looked at his gorgeous man. “You ok?”

“Yeah Tommy I am. Now go…otherwise Craig will wonder where you are.”

“Have fun with your mom, tell her whatever you feel you can.”

“Thank you baby.” He looked at Tommy worried he’d upset him.

“I like that, so if you’re comfortable with it then it’s fine by me.”

“You had better go.”

“Yeah I had.” Tommy really didn’t want to go to work. It was the first time ever he’d wanted to stay with someone and bunk off work. Adam did that to him and he liked it. “I’ll see you tonight.” He kissed him quickly before opening the door.

“Have a good day and I’ll see you tonight.”

After closing the door, Tommy watched as Adam drove out of the parking lot. As he headed into the club he formulated what he was going to say if anyone saw the bite on his neck.

Adam adjusted his jeans, they’d become rather tight when he’d kissed Tommy, he couldn’t turn up at his mothers’ with a hard on. How would he explain that? So instead of driving straight there he detoured back to his apartment. Taking himself to the bathroom he quickly dealt with his problem shouting Tommy’s name as he came. Just as he was cleaning himself up, his phone rang. Retrieving it from his pocket he answered.

“Hey mom, just…erm, just sorting something out then am on my way.”

“You sound out of breath sweetie, are you ok?”

Even though his mom was on the end of the phone he still blushed, he couldn’t tell her he’d just jacked off to the thought of Tommy.

“Um…yeah I’m ok, just been jogging.” He closed his eyes hoping she believed him.

“That’s good, you’re getting back to exercising, you must be feeling better.”

“Yeah I am.” Exercising of a Tommy kind, he smiled. “Look I’m leaving here in about 10 minutes, I’ll see you soon.”

“Ok honey, I’ll put the coffee on.”

“Sounds great, see you soon.” He hung up.

Adam breathed a sigh of relief, all he had to do now was face her. He knew she’d ask about jogging but hopefully he’d be able to tell her about Tommy before the conversation got that far.

Tommy walked into the club smiling and counting how many hours he had until he saw Adam again. He felt like a love struck teenager, but he realised he was happy and nothing could take that away from him. He didn’t notice Mike sweeping the stage area.

“Well good morning Rock Star.”

“What?” Tommy jumped.

“I said good morning Rock Star.”

“Oh yeah, morning. Hang on what’s with Rock Star?”

“Josh told me about his offer last night, which is fantastic. He also told me they offered you a job too. Way to go TJ.”

“Turned it down.”

“What the fuck Tommy, it’s what you’ve always…”

“Not anymore.” He went towards the bar.

“Tommy, wait one fucking minute. You turned it down! Why?”

“Things change. I’ve changed, I’m happy where I am, plus don’t want to be a studio musician, I love the stage.”

“But what about…”

“Enough Mike. Not talking about it anymore. I’m thrilled for Josh, we just have to find another singer. Gonna suggest we hold auditions this time.”

“Wow. Never thought I’d hear you turn down an offer like that. But it’s your decision and I’ll be happy for you whatever you decide.”

“Thanks Mike. Now do you want a hand or do you want me to put coffee on?”

“Thought you’d never ask. Coffee would be great.”

Tommy laughed, “should get you an intravenous coffee drip the amount you drink.”

“Hey you’re not far behind me. Now pour Ratliff and tell me all about what they said.”

Tommy placed the coffee mugs on the table and sat down. Mike put down his cloth and broom and went to pull out a chair, he paused.

“What’s wrong Mike?” Tommy had forgotten the mark on his neck.

“Well TJ you either got laid last night or you were attacked by a vampire.”

Tommy’s hand shot up to his neck. “I…um…”

“Oh no Tommy Joe, you are not getting off that easily.”

Tommy sighed. “K…ok. I um…I spent the night with Mitchel.”

“Oh…Oooohh! The guy from the cemetery?”

“Yeah.”

“And…”

“And what?”

“By spending the night you…”

“No, we didn’t. And do you think I’d tell you if we did?”

“So if you didn’t…then how?” Mike pointed to his neck.

“We were kissing and…well…”

“Kissing huh!” Tommy blushed. “Hey I’m pleased for ya. Is that the reason you turned the job down?”

Tommy hesitated, “not really.”

“Hey if it is then that’s up to you. I’ll back you whatever.”

“Thanks Mike. It’s part of it. I don’t want to be a studio musician. I also want to see how this thing with Mitchel goes. He’s had a rough time and I don’t want to cause him any more pain.”

“You’re a great man Tommy Joe Ratliff. He’s a lucky man to have found you.”

“Nah Mike, I’m the lucky one. He’s gorgeous.” Tommy blushed and looked at his feet.

“TJ…I’m thrilled to see you so happy. You deserve it. So…when do we get to meet him?”

“Um…not sure. I’ll have to see what he says.”

“Sorry Tommy, I didn’t mean to…”

“S’ok Mike, he’s just…well still coming to terms with what happened and I don’t want to push him.”

“I understand. Look tell him from me I think he’s great, I’ve not seen you so happy for a very long time. If he can put a smile on your face…and a hickie on your neck, then I like him.”

“Thanks Mike.”

“Who’s got a hickie?”

“Oh hi Craig.” Tommy put his hand up to his neck.

“Tommy Joe, you haven’t?”

“Yep boss he has.”

“Way to go TJ, who was she?”

“Not a she…it was Mitchel.”

“Now that’s interesting, wanna spill Ratliff?”

“Not yet, still early days.”

“Ok.” Craig was pleased for his friend and now he knew why Tommy had turned down the job. “Ok boys let’s get back to work. Tommy can I see you about Josh?”

“Sure…and I’ve had an idea about finding a replacement.”

“Great, bring your coffee…and one for me…and let’s talk.”

Tommy followed his boss as Mike watched, smiling at how happy his best friend was. He would have to thank Mitchel when he met him.

^V^

Adam pulled up in his mom’s driveway, taking a deep breath he got out. He was ready for her questions. He hoped she didn’t ask too many questions about his _jogging expedition_ this morning. If there was one thing he could guarantee it was that his mother could always tell when either of her sons were lying.

Lifting his hand to knock, he knew he could just walk in but he never did. He was aware that sometimes she had visitors and he didn’t like barging in. He didn’t get the chance to knock, his mother was there smiling.

“Geez mom, do you have extra senses when I arrive?”

“No sweetheart was just watching for you to arrive.”

He hugged her, “coffee smells good, lead the way.”

Leila laughed “And I’m fine thank you for asking.”

“Sorry mom, need caffeine.” They laughed. “And I can see you’re looking great as always.” He kissed her cheek.

“Adam Mitchel Lambert forever the sweet talker.”

“Of course, and you wouldn’t want me any other way.” He followed her to the kitchen.

“So Adam, to what do I owe this visit?”

“Mom do I really need an excuse to see my favourite girl?” He picked up both coffees and went through to the lounge. Leila had opened the patio doors, the day was warming up to be a scorcher.

“Adam, what do you really want to talk about?”

Adam laughed, ”You know me too well. Ok, yeah I…I have a confession to make and I suppose I want to know if I’m doing the right thing.”

“Sounds serious.”

“Yeah, it kinda is.” He took a mouthful of coffee.

“Sweetheart, unless you tell me what’s bothering you I can’t help.”

Adam took a deep breath. “I’m seeing Tommy and he…um…he stayed the night with me.”

Adam looked at his hands, he could feel himself blushing. Leila was being very quiet, he didn’t like that. He just wished she’d scream and shout at him or at least say something.

“Aren’t you going to say anything mom?”

“What do you want me to say? You’re being silly, it’s not long since Alex passed or that’s great but are you sure you’re doing the right thing? Or it’s about time. Adam sweetie, you’re old enough to decide what you want to do with your life, you don’t need my permission anymore.”

“But, am I doing the right thing?”

“Honey, look at me.” Adam looked up. “You like him don’t you?”

“Yeah I do. He’s beautiful, kind, a great musician, gorgeous.” Leila laughed. “What?”

“Well from what you’ve just said, you’ve just answered your own questions. You’re talking as if you’ve already decided what you’re going to do.”

“But all I said was…”

“I know what you said, and there wasn’t a negative statement in all of that.”

“But…”

“No, I can see how happy you are. You’ve been so low for so long, it’s about time you started having some fun.”

“You’re not angry with me?”

“Why would I be? I’d love to meet this Tommy and thank him for giving you back to us all. This last few days I’ve seen a change in you. You’ve started smiling again, you are sleeping too aren’t you?”

“Yeah, how…”

“Adam, there aren’t the dark circles under your eyes that have been a constant companion of yours for so long.”

“But am I doing the right thing? What about Alex?”

“Honey, Alex wouldn’t want you to be on your own, yes you loved him and he was a part of your life for a long time, but it’s time to move on. He would be the first to say it.”

“I feel bad…when I’m with Tommy I don’t think about Alex.”

“And so you shouldn’t. Have you told Tommy about Alex?”

“Yeah, I told him everything.”

“And he’s still here?” He nodded, “well that should tell you that your friend is a good man.”

“Aren’t you going to say anything about him staying last night?”

“That’s your business. What you do in your bedroom is up to you. All I ask is that you are careful.”

“We didn’t do anything…well not really.” Adam smiled remembering the amazing blow job Tommy had given him that morning.

“Adam…”

“Mmmm”

“Don’t rush into things is all I’m saying. You’ve suffered too much already for someone so young. I just don’t want you to get hurt any further.”

“We’re taking it slowly mom, Tommy’s never been with a guy properly. He’s just…”

“Oh I thought…”

“He’s Bi mom, only had girlfriends but they’ve never worked out. I’m…well I’m his first boyfriend.”

“Ok, how do you feel about all of that?”

“I’m good with it, he’s an amazing guy he is kind, considerate, passionate.” Adam blushed even more, “he doesn’t rush into things, he asks if I’m ok, tells me we don’t have to do anything if I don’t want to.” He smiled.

“Oh Adam…” Leila put a hand on his arm, “will you answer me a question?”

“Mmm,” He was still thinking about his man.

“Adam, are you falling in love with him?”

“What?”

“I asked if you were…”

“Yeah, I heard…no…it’s too soon…I…”

Adam couldn’t give her a straight answer. Leila moved closer to him, taking his hands in her own. “It does happen you know.”

“What does?”

“Falling for someone you’ve not known very long.”

“But I…” He knew she was right and yeah maybe he was falling for Tommy. He hadn’t wanted him to go this morning, he’d wanted to keep holding him. He remembered the image of Tommy just in a towel and he smiled.

“What is it Adam?”

“Oh mom, I didn’t want Tommy to go to work today, I just wanted to spend the day with him. Hold him, kiss him. I didn’t say anything because I told myself I was rushing things. I can’t stop thinking about him, he’s coming back tonight after work. Please tell me I’m doing the right thing?”

“I can’t honey, only you know…in here.” She placed a hand over his heart. “If he makes you happy then I say go for it. How does Tommy feel?”

“We’ve not talked about it, we’re just taking one day at a time. I don’t want to scare him away.”

“I understand that, but you both have to be honest with each other, I don’t want either of you getting hurt.”

“I know, and I promise neither of us want that either.”

“You have to tell him how you feel. Give him a chance to tell you how he feels.”

“But what if he doesn’t…”

“Then you’ll have to decide where you want to take your relationship.”

Adam could feel tears building, he didn’t want to cry in front of his mother.

“Hey it’s ok Adam, I’m here for you…always. I’ll pick up the pieces no matter how many times you break. I love you and that’s what mom’s do.” She hugged him, she could feel the sobs reaching the surface.

He pulled away, “m’sorry. I didn’t…”

“It’s ok, if you can’t talk to me who could you talk to?”

“Thanks mom, you’re the best.”

“No, I’m just your mom.” She smiled, “so you need to talk to Tommy, tell him how you feel.”

“But we haven’t even had sex. How can I…?”

“You don’t need to, besides there’s more to loving someone than just having sex.”

Adam hugged her. “Thank you.”

“Anytime. Now, let’s finish our coffee and you can ring, text or whatever to make sure he’s coming tonight.”

Leila felt a weight lift, she had been so worried for her son, but now, now he was living again.

Tommy had followed Craig into the office with an idea for finding a replacement for Josh. What he hadn’t been expecting was Craig being so blunt.

“You’re a fool Tommy.”

“What the fuck Craig?”

“Turning that job down. It’s what you’ve always wanted. Why TJ?”

“Because I don’t want to be a studio musician, said so last night.”

“But…”

“No Craig, I’ve said all I’m going to say, let’s leave it please.”

“Is that the only reason?”

“What do you mean?”

“That.” He pointed to Tommy’s neck. “Please don’t tell me that had something to do with it too.”

“Craig, who I see outside of work, is up to me. So what if he is a part of it. I don’t think it’s anything to do with you.”

“Whoa Tommy Joe, calm down. I didn’t mean to…”

“No, people never do. I have met someone who I like, who is not in a good place right now. I’m going to be there for him, I’m not taking that job and that’s final. I love playing live and I wouldn’t get to do that if I went to San Francisco.”

“Ok Tommy, but…just don’t get hurt.”

“I don’t intend to.” Tommy felt bad raising his voice to Craig but he’d been through too much for anyone to tell him how to live his life.

Craig had never heard Tommy shout before and was surprised in how passionate he’d sounded when he spoke about Mitchel. He knew Tommy would be ok, so for now he would leave things as they were. “So…go on then, what’s this guy like?”

Tommy smiled, “he’s gorgeous, sexy, got some amazing tattoos, his eyes are so blue.” He thought back to Adam’s eyes watching him as he got dressed.

“Tommy, you’re falling for him aren’t you?”

“What?...no…I…”

“Tommy Ratliff, I’ve known you too long. I’ve seen you with girls and I’ve never seen this look on your face when you talked about them.”

Tommy thought about what Craig had just said. Maybe yeah, he was falling for him. He’d even thought the same earlier, but he couldn’t tell Adam, it was too soon, he still loved Alex.

“Earth to Tommy Joe.”

“Sorry Craig, what did you say?”

“I’m happy for you TJ, just be careful, I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“I won’t, I promise.”

“Will you promise me something else?”

“If I can.”

“Will you talk to this Mitchel guy and tell him how you feel. Be honest with him.”

“I don’t know how he feels.” Tommy felt deflated. He’d never felt like this for anyone.

“How do you know if you don’t talk to him? When are you seeing him next?”

“Um…well m’going to his tonight when I’ve finished here.”

“Good then talk to him. For both your sakes.”

“Yeah…ok I will.” Tommy knew Craig was right, he was just scared.

“Ok, so now we’ve got your love life sorted out, how are we going to solve our singer problem?”

Tommy set to and explained his idea about auditioning this time. They’d seen enough singers recently on open mic night to know they wouldn’t find anyone else there.

“Alright, so when do you want to hold these auditions?”

“I was thinking Monday next week. That gives us another week to make sure we have the right person before Josh leaves.”

“Ok I’ll go with that. Can I leave the organising up to you?”

“Sure, not a problem.”

“And Tommy…”

“Yeah?”

“Talk to this Mitchel guy.”

“I will. I’ll do it tonight.” His phone rang, the caller ID said it was Adam.

“Everything ok Tommy?”

“Yeah, it’s Mitchel.”

“So answer it then.”

“M’working.”

“Ratliff, go, take your call, you’re a good man, don’t keep him waiting.”

Tommy blushed and answered. “Hey, m’kinda busy, can I…”

“Tommy, go…take the call.”

“Hang on Mitchel…yeah I’m in Craig’s office.”

Tommy looked at his boss, his friend. Craig waved his arms telling the blond to leave. He smiled, nodded and made his way to the alley out back.

“Sorry Adam, was…”

“No, I’m sorry Tommy I shouldn’t have rung whilst you’re at work.”

“Hey don’t…remember I don’t want to hear that word. So…what does my boyfriend want?”

“Apart from your body.” Adam blushed even though he knew Tommy couldn’t see him.

“Mmm, I like the sound of that. But that’s not all is it?”

“No Tommy. When,.. when you come tonight we um…well we need to talk.”

Tommy got scared. “Oh…have I done…”

“No baby, you haven’t done anything…well nothing that I don’t want you to do again. I, well I have something I need to say.”

“Oh, ok. If we’re being honest then there’s stuff I need to say too.”

“Right…so we’re still ok for later then?”

“Yeah, and Adam…”

“Mmm?”

“I like the baby part, sounds nice.”

“I’ll um…see you later then.”

“Yeah, bye.” Tommy hung up, smiling as he went back into the club.

As he passed Craig’s office, “TJ, got a minute?”

“Sure boss man.”

“Look, go home, relax, have a long soak in the bath, glam yourself up. Go meet Mitchel and talk.”

“But…”

“No Tommy, go, I’ll cover you shift.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah I’m sure. You deserve some happiness, now…do as your boss says and go.”

Tommy smiled. “Thank you Craig. I owe you.”

“Nah, just seeing you happy is enough for me. Enjoy your night and I’ll see you Monday morning.”

“Thanks. I’ll contact some newspapers about the auditions before I go see A…” he stopped, “Mitchel.”

“That’d be great. Now…go”

Tommy let go a breath he didn’t realise he was holding. Craig hadn’t noticed his slip up. “Ok see you Monday.” He left Craig signing invoices to go say goodbye to Mike.

“Hey TJ where you off to?”

“Home, Craig’s given me the rest of the day off to sort out the auditions for Monday.”

“Oh for Josh’s replacement?”

“Yeah, see you Monday.”

“K, have a good weekend and when you see Mitchel tell him thanks from me.”

“What for?”

“Putting a smile on my best friends face.”

Tommy laughed. “Bye.” And he was gone.

Mike watched as Tommy left he’d never seen his friend so relaxed and happy for a long time.

^V^

As Tommy headed to his car he messaged Adam. **Hey, I’m just leaving work, got a couple of things to do but is it ok if I come over around 5. I could bring food with me?**

He didn’t have to wait long. **Is everything alright baby? Yes of course you can come early, well maybe you could _come with me_!**

Tommy laughed out loud. **Mmm coming with you sounds good. Everything is good, will explain when I see you**. He now had images of a naked Adam waiting for him on his bed.

**Ok am still at mom’s but will be waiting for you. Don’t bother with food, I’ll cook for us**.

**Sounds good, see you at 5 xx** Tommy hit send then realised he’d added the kisses on the end, he really did have it bad.

**See you later baby xx**

Tommy’s grin got wider, Adam was feeling better even he was adding kisses. Making his way home he formulated what he was going to say in the emails to the newspapers.

Adam was in his mom’s kitchen getting more coffee when his phone buzzed.

“Hey Adam, that’s your phone.”

“Thanks mom, be right there.”

Handing his mother her coffee he picked up the phone, thumbed the message icon and smiled.

“Now that smile tells me that could be Tommy.”

“Mom!”

“Well…is it?”

“Yeah, it’s Tommy.”

“Is everything alright?”

“Hope so, he wants to come over earlier.”

“Well…tell him yes, then you’ll know won’t you.”

“He wants to bring food.”

“That’s good, isn’t it?”

“Mmm, if he’s going to be early then I want to cook for him.” Adam blushed at the message Tommy had just sent.

“You ok sweetie? You’re looking a bit flushed.”

“Um, yeah m’ok, erm…look sorry mom I have to go. I…erm…well I need to do some shopping.” Adam had images of Tommy naked on his bed waiting for him and if he wasn’t careful he’d be hard and he really didn’t want to have to explain that to his mom.

“I don’t mind, I’m just happy to see you with a smile on your face. Tommy is good for you. Now go, cook him something nice and enjoy your night.”

“Thanks mom, next time I’ll stay longer.”

“Next time bring Tommy with you.”

Adam smiled, “ok, but you have to promise to be gentle with him.”

“Always honey.” She hugged him and watched as he headed for his car, noticing a new spring in his step.

Tommy looked at his watch, he had 3 hours before he had to be at Adam’s. He powered up his laptop and set to work on the email. He had a list of 8 newspapers to contact, ones that had helped him in the past. He changed the wording several times before he was happy with it. He didn’t want to sound too amateur, but he knew it didn’t pay too much so he didn’t want it to sound as though it was a professional position. _Nnngh why did I offer to do this? You’re not good with words_. Looking at his final draft, _yeah that sounded the best_ , so he sent it. Hoping that they’d get at least one person auditioning.

Checking the time _fuck that took longer than I wanted_ he now had 45 minutes to get showered and changed and be at Adam’s on time. Grabbing a clean towel he quickly showered and wrapping it around his waist he pondered what to wear.

He had to admit going without underwear had felt better than he ever imagined, maybe he should do that tonight? He palmed a hand over a twitching dick, he didn’t want to have to _take care_ of anything before he met Adam, he wanted Adam to _take care_ of him.

Staring into his closet he pulled out his favourite black jeans, hell all his jeans were black. Holding them in his hand he hesitated. _What the hell TJ, less clothes to remove later_. He pulled them on, minus underwear. Opting for a semi sheer black shirt rather than t-shirt, he buttoned it leaving the top 2 undone. Smiling as he pulled his creepers on, he was nervous and excited at seeing Adam again. He wanted to tell him how he felt and hoped he wasn’t moving too quickly after what they’d both said.

Grabbing his keys and phone he headed to his car. It would take him 20 minutes to get to Adam’s and checking the time, it would now make him 10 minutes late. He messaged Adam. **Hey, m’sorry, running a bit late will be with you about 10 past 5 sorry**.

He’d just started the engine when his phone buzzed. **Not a problem, I’ll be waiting, drive carefully xx**

Tommy smiled and headed off.

Adam was busy making sure everything was just right for when Tommy arrived. He wanted to eat pretty much as soon as his boyfriend arrived, that would give him more time to tell the blond how he felt. So when his phone buzzed he jumped, but smiled when he saw who it was from. As luck would have it, it was good that Tommy was running late. Adam had chosen to cook lasagne and it was taking a bit longer than he wanted. It had been a long time since he’d cooked anything from scratch and he was a bit rusty. Since Alex had gone he’d either had restaurant food, been to his mom’s or had the odd take out. He loved cooking for Alex and when…no he couldn’t think about that now. Now he had the beautiful Tommy Joe to cook for, and he hoped Tommy liked his cooking.

Once the lasagne was in the oven he’d gone for a quick shower. He was now waiting rather impatiently for his boyfriend to arrive. He’d decided to say comfortable and had put sweat pants and Queen t-shirt on. They weren’t going out so he didn’t have to dress up.

Checking his watch he had 5 minutes before Tommy arrived. One last check of the food…and the doorbell rang.

“Shit Tommy you’re earlier than you said.” Taking a deep breath he went to open the door. His hand was shaking. _Lambert you’re acting like a teenager on a first date, get a grip_. Opening the door he came face to face with Tommy looking incredibly sexy.

“Wow!”

“Oh am I…” Tommy noticed what Adam was wearing and felt over-dressed.

“Wow, you look amazing.”

Tommy blushed. “I…I um feel a bit over-dressed.”

“No, you’re perfect.” Tommy laughed. “Look m’sorry, you should come in.”

“Thank you. Mmm something smells good.”

“Lasagne. You do…”

“Yeah I like lasagne.”

“Good.” They were just staring at one another. “M’sorry, we should…shall we sit down?”

Even though they had spent the night together, this felt like a first date.

“How about we go check on your cooking.”

Adam laughed, “yeah, don’t want it to burn.”

Tommy followed him in to the kitchen and nearly walked into the back of him. Adam had stopped, he wanted so much to kiss Tommy but wasn’t sure whether he should just do it or ask for permission. _You’re screwed Lambert and not in having your dick inside him_. He sort of giggled and snorted at the same time.

“Whoa, sorry Adam, warning next time you stop. Are you ok?”

Adam turned to face the smaller man. “Yeah m’fine, I just…well I want…”

“Adam, shut the fuck up and kiss me. That’s what you want isn’t it?”

“Yeah” Pulling Tommy closer Adam wrapped his arms around him, Tommy doing the same. Bending slightly Adam grazed his lips over the blonds.

“Mmm that all you got Lambert?”

“Um well…how about this.” He leant in and pressed his lips to Tommy’s who immediately opened up to allow Adam’s tongue to map every contour of his mouth. The kiss deepened, hands raked over clothing looking for a way to get at bare skin. Adam pulled Tommy’s shirt up, his bare back feeling so good under his fingers.

Tommy scrunched Adam’s t-shirt up raking his nails down his side and his back causing a moan to escape the taller man’s mouth.

That moan went straight to Tommy’s dick which was now trying desperately to escape the confines of his jeans.

Adam noticed and as he pulled away from the kiss, pulling much needed air into his lungs he palmed a hand over the front of Tommy’s jeans.

“Mmm seems like someone’s pleased to see me.”

“Oh yeah, but don’t you think we should eat before…”

“Aren’t you…”

“No, I’ll be ok, besides stomach has been grumbling since I walked in, so it needs feeding. We can have desert…” he ghosted his hand down the front of Adam’s sweat pants “…when we’ve eaten your amazing lasagne.”

“Ooh! I like your idea. Are you the desert?”

“We could both be, if you want more like this morning?”

“Yes please.” He kissed him quickly.

“Good, because I want more too.” He reached up and kissed Adam, “let’s eat.”

Tommy watched as Adam served the food. Not only was he a gorgeous man but he could cook too.

The meal was eaten in comparative silence, only speaking when Adam asked if he wanted more. Tommy declined, he wanted Adam more than he wanted more food. They shared the clearing up and decided to take their drinks through to the lounge.

“Thank you.”

“What for?”

“That amazing food. I can’t cook, well I can, but only one thing, but…”

“Tommy, sshh, kiss me please.”

Tommy didn’t need asking twice, he leant over pushing Adam back against the arm of the sofa and began kissing him slowly. Heat rising in both of them, they could feel each others erections pressing against their bodies. Tommy went to remove Adam’s t-shirt when Adam’s phone rang.

“Fuck!”

“I’m going to ignore it.” Adam went back to kissing Tommy. The phone stopped.

“Thank goodness for that.”

“Mmm now, where were you?”

“I was just about to remove your…”

The phone rang again. “Shit.”

“They’re not going away are they?”

“I’m not answering. I just want it to be about us tonight.”

“Mmm sounds good.” Tommy sat up.

“Hey what’s wrong? I’ll turn my phone off.”

“It’s not that. Remember I said I had something to tell you.”

“Yeah.”

“I…Adam…I…” There was a knock at the door.

“Who the fuck!” Adam sat up, his shirt was crumpled around his chest.

“I’m not answering.”

“What if it’s an emergency?”

Adam didn’t get to answer because the mystery of the caller was solved.

“Adam Mitchel Lambert open this door or I’ll send Raja around to kick your ass.”

Adam groaned, “m’sorry baby, I have to get this.”

“Who? Adam, who is it?”

“It’s my friend Sutan and if I don’t answer I hate to think what Raja is going to do to me.”

“Who’s…if it’s someone called Sutan…who’s?”

“I’ll explain later. I’m so sorry, can we finish the conversation and…”

“Yeah, I’m not going anywhere, not had my desert yet.”

“Mmm and I’m looking forward to that.” The banging on the door got louder.

“Lambert, if you don’t let me in I’m going to…” Adam opened the door. “That’s better…oh!” Sutan noticed Adam’s crumpled shirt, then he looked past his friend and saw Tommy.

“Oh…is right. What do you want and couldn’t you have rung first?”

“I did, twice, and when you didn’t answer I got worried. Now I see why you didn’t answer.” He waved to Tommy. Adam blushed. “So sweetie aren’t you going to introduce me?”

Adam groaned, he loved Sutan but right this minute he wished him anywhere but on his doorstep.

“You’d better come in.” Adam sighed.

“And you’d better pull your shirt down otherwise you’ll get cold.” Sutan winked at his friend.

Adam blushed even more and adjusted his shirt. Tommy remained on the sofa watching the interaction between Adam and his friend.

“So…introduce me, pretty boy.”

Adam groaned, “Don’t call me that.”

“But you are gorgeous…when you answer my calls. And this beautiful man…does he have a name?”

“Sutan this is Tommy Joe Ratliff. Tommy this is my pain in the ass friend, Sutan Amrul.”

Tommy stood and held out his hand to shake, but instead Sutan pulled him in for a hug. Tommy startled at the force of the hug, squeaked. Adam laughed and Sutan whispered.

“I’m sorry if I disturbed your fun, I was worried about Adam.”

As Sutan let go of Tommy, “so Adam aren’t you going to offer your guest a glass of wine?”

“But…”

“I’ll get it, you two catch up.” Tommy smiled at the pair of them as he headed to the kitchen.

Sutan smiled as he watched Adam follow the blond with his eyes.

“So…tell all sweetie. Who is this gorgeous man, where did you meet him and is he good in bed?”

“Sutan! What the fuck?”

“Aah good to see you’ve got your fight back and I expect we have blondie in there to thank.” Adam blushed. “Oh sweetie, I’m so happy for you. You really had us all worried.”

“Well I’m fine and would be even better if you weren’t here.”

“I can see that. But you can’t blame a person for worrying, and when you didn’t answer you phone…how was I to know you were about to fuck him into the sofa.”

“Was not, we were…”

“Oh I saw what you were just…”

“No Sutan, we’re taking it slowly, I’m…I still miss Alex and Tommy, well he’s…”

Adam stared towards the kitchen, Sutan saw the look in his friends’ eyes, a look he hadn’t seen since Alex. Turning back to his friend “Tommy well…he’s not really been with a guy properly and well…”

“Oh I see. Answer me one question sweetie.”

“Sure, if I can.”

“Does he know how you feel about him?”

“What! No…I…”

“Adam, the last time I saw that look on your face it was for Alex.”

“But…what…”

“Tell him. You might be surprised.”

“I can’t Sutan, it’s too soon, What about Alex?”

“Oh Adam, he’s gone, he’s not coming back. Tommy’s here, grab him with both hands, tell him how you feel. I don’t know how you two met but he’s done wonders for you. I can see that, so tell him.”

Adam hugged Sutan.

“Oh…um…sorry, I didn’t…” Tommy was back with the wine. “Would you like me to leave you two…”

“No!” they chorused.

“Tommy, please come and sit.” Sutan patted the sofa between him and Adam. Adam smiled and nodded.

Tommy handed the wine over and sat down. Adam snaking an arm around his boyfriend pulling him close. Tommy looked into the blue eyes. Sutan smiled, not only could he see how Adam felt for this man, but the feeling was being reciprocated by Tommy. He inwardly groaned, they had to tell each other, otherwise neither would be able to move on.

“So Adam how _did_ you meet this cute specimen?”

Tommy blushed, “He um…he stopped me from doing something stupid.” Adam kissed the top of Tommy’s head. Tommy looked up and nodded. “He heard me singing and caught me about to…” Adam sniffed. Tommy squeezed Adam’s thigh.

“He was about to take some pills and wash them down with vodka.” Tommy looked deep into Adam’s eyes, seeing tears slowly journey down his face. He reached up and brushed them away.

“Oh Adam, why didn’t you call me? I didn’t know things had gotten that bad. I could have…”

“Sutan I didn’t know what I was doing for a long time, my friends were treating me like…like I was made of glass and would break at the first question about Alex. Tommy…well he just said it as it was. No holds barred and…well he listened and didn’t judge me.” He pulled Tommy in tighter. “He just let me be me. Didn’t tell me to get over it, he was just…there for me.” Adam smiled.

“I was visiting my dad, I’d taken my guitar with me, I like to play for him. I played a song and heard Adam singing. I had to find out where the voice was coming from. I found Adam.” Tommy squeezed Adam’s thigh a little bit harder.

“When…when was all this?”

“Um about 2 weeks ago, maybe 3. I’ve lost all sense of time recently, but not anymore, not now I’ve got Tommy Joe.”

Sutan smiled. “Thank you Tommy.”

“What for?” Tommy looked from Adam to Sutan.

“For giving us the old Adam back. I know he’s had a rough time, but you’ve brought him back.”

“We’ve helped each other.” Tommy smiled.

“So Sutan, now you know I’m ok, you don’t have to stay.” Adam really wanted to be alone with Tommy.

“Well that’s not being a good host. Let him finish his wine.” Tommy elbowed Adam in the ribs.

“OW! What was that for?”

“He’s come all this way because he was worried about you and you’re trying to get rid of him.”

“It’s ok Tommy, I really should go. Raja has a performance later and she needs to be glamorous for her audience.” He stood, smiling at the confused look on Tommy’s face.

“Oh vayvee, you’ll have to get Adam to bring you to Raja’s place one night and introduce the pair of you.” He winked at Adam.

“Great idea, how about Monday night?”

“That’s good for Raja and I but what about Tommy?”

“I’ve got auditions on Monday for a singer for our band.” He saw Sutan raise an eyebrow at Adam. “But I’m not working Monday night, so yeah that’d be good.”

“Singer…band?”

“Oh I work at Bar 39, I play guitar in a band there as well as working as a barman. And well, our current singer has just been offered a recording contract, so we need someone new.”

Before Sutan could say anything, “No Sutan, don’t even go there, I’ve given up, you know that.”

“Hey don’t bite my head off I was just…”

“Well don’t.”

Sutan really wanted to try to persuade Adam to sing again, but he knew he was fighting a losing battle. “Ok, not another word, I promise.”

“Good.”

“So I’ll leave you two to get back to what you were doing before I…um…disturbed you.” He headed for the door.

“Wait!” Adam left Tommy to show his friend out.

“M’sorry, I didn’t mean to bite your head off.”

“Hey sweetie, it’s not a problem, I understand.”

“Thank you.”

“He’s good for you.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“So tell him how you feel, you might just be surprised.”

“What do you mean?”

“Talk to him.”

“I will…and thank you.”

“Well you’re not thanking me for disturbing your night of hot sex, so what is it for?”

“For caring and coming to see how I am.”

“I love you sweetie and don’t like seeing you upset.” He hugged him, “go, take him to bed and remember, tell him.”

“Ok Sutan, I will, goodnight.”

“Night Adam, I’ll see you both on Monday.”

“Yeah, Monday.” They hugged and Sutan left, leaving Adam smiling.

He found Tommy still sitting on the sofa when he got back. “I’m so sorry about that baby, but Sutan…”

“I like him, he cares for you.”

“Yeah he does and I care for him too. He’s the only one who has stuck by me after…Alex.”

“Good, and I’m looking forward to meeting Raja on Monday, she sounds amazing.”

Adam laughed. “You have no idea Tommy, no idea.” He pulled him up off the sofa into a hug. “Now where were we?”

“Mmm, if I remember I had you on your back and was just trying to remove your t-shirt.”

“Oh yeah. Well how about we continue in the bedroom?”

“Yes please.”

Adam grabbed Tommy’s hand and led him through the apartment.

Closing the bedroom door, Adam pushed Tommy up against it pressing his own weight against the smaller man. Leaning in for a kiss Adam’s hand went for the button and zip on Tommy’s jeans. Tommy moaned, his blood supply heading straight to his dick.

“Mmm someone wants to play.” Adam smiled as he ran a hand over the front of Tommy’s jeans.

“Yeah and I do believe he has someone to play with too.” Tommy could feel Adam’s erection through is sweat pants.

“Let’s move this to the bed, be more comfortable.”

“Mmm” Tommy was all for being comfortable.

As they moved Adam relieved himself of his t-shirt and Tommy lost his shirt.

“You’re a beautiful man Tommy Joe.”

“And I still want to play dot to dot with your freckles.” Adam blushed.

“So Tommy you still have too many clothes on, come here.” Tommy moved closer allowing Adam to finish unzipping his jeans. Pushing them down Adam gasped. “Oh…you’ve…”

“Yeah, I liked how it felt and well I hope you like too. Less clothes to remove.”

“Oh I like Tommy, very much.” As he pushed the jeans right down he kissed Tommy’s very hard leaking dick, causing a loud moan to escape the blonds mouth.

“Nnngh if you do that too much, gonna be coming before you’re naked.”

“Not a chance baby.” Adam pushed his sweat pants and underwear down in one go, revealing his own very hard dick.

“Adam.” Tommy was toeing his creepers off, so he could remove his jeans completely.

“Yes baby.”

“Will you…”

Adam stopped and looked at his boyfriend. “Will I what?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does, come on what were you going to say?”

“It’s too soon.”

“Tommy Joe.” Adam looked at him, his dick twitched. “Yes I did that on purpose, I love that I have such an effect on you. So tell me, ask me.”

Tommy took a deep breath. “Will you fuck me?”

“No Tommy, I…”

“See I said it was too soon.” Tommy turned away.

“Tommy, hey, look at me.” He turned the blond back. “I won’t fuck you, but I will make love to you.”

“Oh!”

“Come here.” He pulled Tommy towards him and kissed him. “Are you sure you want this?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. I want to know what it feels like and…and I want to feel it with you.”

“Oh baby, I promise I won’t hurt you.”

“I know, I trust you.”

Adam led him over to the bed, “lie down, I’ll just get what we need.” He went to his dresser, he’d bought lube and condoms when he’d done his shopping earlier never dreaming he’d need them tonight.

Turning he saw a beautiful man lying waiting for him and it took his breath away. Closing his eyes, _I love you Alex, but I’m also falling for Tommy, thank you for being in my life, I’m now ready to move on. I hope you understand_. He shivered, was that a sign that Alex approved?

“Adam, we don’t have to…”

“I want to Tommy.”

“Then at your pace, ok?”

Adam nodded. Moving to the bed he placed the lube and condom on the pillow beside Tommy then climbed on to be with his man.

Straddling Tommy’s legs he looked down at him, “You ok?”

“I’ll be even better when you kiss me and I have this inside me.” He stroked Adam’s length causing him to moan.

“Nnngh Tommy, keep doing that and I’ll be coming before it’s even in you.”

“Then you had better get started, hadn’t you?”

Adam smiled, leant down and kissed Tommy, his hands stroking up and down the beautiful man underneath him. Tommy shivered.

“Sshh baby, not gonna hurt you.”

As he was kissing him he reached for the lube and without looking flipped the lid and poured some onto his hand. Throwing it off to the side he nipped Tommy’s neck and as Tommy was thinking about the nip Adam reached around and found the puckered muscle at the entrance to his lover.

Tommy tensed, “sshh baby, I won’t do anything else if…”

“No…need you to carry on…want you.”

“Ok, but any time you want me to stop just say.” Tommy nodded. “Lift your legs baby, wrap them around my waist, will be easier for you.” Tommy did as he was told. “So beautiful, now relax.” Adam felt his lover relax and as he did he lightly pushed a finger past the muscle.

Tommy tensed again. “Relax, you’re doing great.”

Tommy looked into Adam’s beautiful blue eyes. Yeah he was doing ok. It felt weird but a good weird.

Adam pulled his finger out to the disappointment of the smaller man. “Ssh just going to…” he pushed two finger back in.

“Nnngh…fuck.”

“You ok?”

“Mmm feels…good.”

Adam kissed him, slowly moving his fingers in and out of the tight hole. When he thought Tommy could take it he added a third finger, this time reaching for the magic spot as he pushed in.

Tommy saw stars. “S.H.I.T….n…not gonna last if…fuck…if you do that again. Get in me with your fuckin’ huge beautiful dick or I’m gonna come.”

“Oh Tommy, are you sure?”

“Nngh want you in me right the fuck now!”

Adam slowly pulled his fingers out, scissoring them on the way. Tommy’s hips arched off the bed and Adam smiled knowing it was him making Tommy lose it.

Reaching for the condom, he ripped open the packet and carefully rolled the latex on to his tender length, slicking it with the lube he had on his fingers. He directed it at Tommy’s hole.

Looking down at his gorgeous man, Adam paused.

“What are you waiting for? Get in me now.”

“Tommy you haven’t…”

“And am not gonna do if you don’t put that inside me.” He smiled.

Adam slowly pushed the head in. “God Tommy you’re so tight, so beautiful.” He paused again making sure Tommy was ok. When he saw the blond smile, he slowly inched further in. “Nngh so hot, so tight.”

They locked eyes as Adam pushed until he was fully seated, skin against skin.

“Are you just…nngh gonna stay there or are you…nngh gonna move?”

Adam slowly pulled out, looking at his lover all the time.

“You can go faster…not gonna…break.”

Adam pushed back in with a force that made Tommy shout with pleasure.

Not taking their eyes off each other, Adam picked up the pace watching the look of pure pleasure cross his boyfriends face.

He moved faster pulling out then slamming back in forcing them to move up the bed. Tommy’s hands went to the headboard bracing himself so he didn’t hit his head. With both hands above his head he needed Adam’s hand on his dick.

“Adam…need you…your hand around…around my…”

“Nn…no Tommy, you’re gonna…fuck you’re gonna come…just…nngh…just on my dick.”

“Never…never done…” Tommy could feel his orgasm building. His girlfriends had given him hand jobs but he’d always had to help, they never made him feel like this. “Shit Adam…gonna…aaarrgh!” Tommy came, shooting warm liquid between them. Adam leant down, licked his chest where some had landed then leant in to kiss Tommy, but with the blond clenching around him Adam’s own orgasm hit him like a steam train. He screamed Tommy’s name as he came, collapsing onto the smaller man when all his muscles turned to jelly.

It took a few minutes for both of them to get their breathing under control.

Lifting himself up, “You ok Tommy Joe?”

“mmm, is my dick still attached to me?”

Adam looked down, “oh yeah, it’s still there, still beautiful.”

“Feels dead. Again.”

“M’sorry.” Adam gently pulled out, “mines not feeling all that alive at the moment either.”

“Wow, I’ve never…” Tommy turned to look at Adam. “I’ve never had that happen before. I…wow…that was…” Adam kissed the remainder of the words from his mouth.

“Be right back.”

Tommy felt Adam get off the bed. He was sleepy. Amazing sex like that sent him to sleep. It had only happened once before and then not as immediate as this.

When Adam came back with a warm damp cloth Tommy was nearly asleep. He cleaned him off noticing a beautiful smile on his face. Throwing the cloth towards the bathroom Adam climbed back on the bed spooning his lover from behind.

“Mmm feels nice.”

“Sleep baby, we can talk later.”

“Ok, night Adam.”

“Night Tommy Joe.” Adam watched as the blonds breathing altered telling him he was asleep.

Whispering, “Oh Tommy…I…I love you, but I’m scared, scared that I’m rushing things. I never thought I’d find anyone to love after Alex, but you, you’re beautiful and I’m never going to hurt you.” He could feel himself drifting off. “Night my gorgeous man, we’ll talk in the morning.” He kissed the back of Tommy’s head, tightened his arms around him and slept.

 

tbc


	8. Chapter 8

Tommy woke, the sun streaming through the window. They’d been too focused on each other for either of them to remember to close the curtains. He smiled feeling the weight of Adam’s arm across his stomach. He moved feeling an ache in his body, an ache that reminded him of what they’d done the previous night. He could tell Adam was still sleeping so gently, hoping he wouldn’t wake him, he turned to face his lover.

Whispering, “Good morning my love.” He paused, “Oh Adam, I so wanted to tell you last night, but we were interrupted by your friend. So…Adam I…love you. I never thought I’d say that to anyone, let alone someone as gorgeous as you.”

Adam stirred, Tommy held his breath, had Adam heard what he’d said? The taller man shifted his position turning to face Tommy. Tommy closed his eyes, if Adam was waking up he didn’t want him believing he’d been staring at him while he slept.

Tommy listened for a change in his lovers’ breathing…no it was still even. Adam was still asleep. Carefully he re-opened his eyes, he wanted to drink in as much of Adam’s beauty before he woke and they had to move.

Adam moved again, this time as Tommy watched he opened his eyes.

“Mmm morning baby…”

Tommy smiled, he still couldn’t get used to the term of endearment Adam used, but he liked it. “Morning Adam.”

“How long have you been awake?”

“A few minutes.”

Adam pulled Tommy towards him. “I thought I heard someone talking. Were you talking to me?” Tommy tried to look down but Adam’s finger under his chin stopped him, “was I dreaming or was it you talking?”

“I…no you weren’t dreaming, but…it…”

“It’s been a long time since I had someone in my bed and I’m a light sleeper because I enjoy their company. So the two things together I…well I hear, feel every little thing. So Tommy Joe,” Adam felt Tommy’s dick twitch and he smiled, “mmm I see something hasn’t changed, so are you going to tell me what you were saying?”

“I…just commented on how beautiful you are, that’s…um that’s all.”

Adam smiled, “oh no Tommy it’s you who’s the beautiful one, I…lo…um…”

“What’s wrong?”

“I erm, how are you feeling this morning…you know after…”

“Well, I feel with my hands.” Tommy reached between them stroking his hand up Adam’s quickly hardening length.

“Mmm Tommy that feels nice, but I’ve got a nicer idea.”

“Oh and what could be better than this?” he wrapped his hand around the base of Adam’s now very hard member and slowly moved it up to the tip, sliding his thumb in the slit as he reached the top.

“Nnn…I was…shit…I was thinking of a shower, we could, well we could see what comes up under the hot water.”

“Mmm I like that idea, lead the way lover.” He blushed, “m’sorry.”

“Don’t be, because it’s true, we are if…if you want us to be.”

“More than anything.” Tommy smiled.

“You know, Sutan was right last night.”

“What do you mean?”

“You are good for me Tommy, thank you for saving me. I promise I will look after you.”

“Hey, we saved each other. I…if I hadn’t met you, I’d be packing my gear up and heading to San Francisco.” He saw Adam was about to say something. “And before you tell me I should go, we’ve been through this, I don’t want to be a studio musician, I love playing live and I don’t want to be without you because…” He stopped, he was going to confess, he couldn’t tell Adam, it was too soon.

Adam looked at the blond, something flashed across his eyes, what was he about to say?

“Tommy, what were you going to say, because…what baby?”

“M’sorry, I shouldn’t, it’s too s…fuck.”

“Tommy you’re worrying me now. What’s too soon? Tell me I promise I won’t be mad.”

“Oh Adam, I…” He took a deep breath. “I don’t want to be without you because…” he closed his eyes, “because…I love you.” He went to get out of bed but a hand around his wrist stopped him. He froze, he daren’t look at Adam. He’d made a fool of himself and he really needed to leave.

“Tommy, look at me.” Tommy remained silent. “please baby, come here.” Tommy shook his head and tried once more to leave. “Tommy Joe Ratliff, you are not going anywhere except to turn back and look at me.”

Tommy sighed, he knew he wouldn’t be able to win this conversation, so he slowly turned around, but he couldn’t look him in the eye, he felt too embarrassed.

“Tommy baby, look at me please.” He put a finger underneath Tommy’s chin lifting his head so they were looking into each others eyes. “Do you mean it Tommy?” Tommy stared into the most beautiful blue eyes he’d ever seen. No matter how many times he looked at him he loved those eyes.

“Please talk to me, did you mean what you just said?” Tommy nodded, “I need to hear you tell me.”

Taking a deep breath, “yes Adam…I love you and I’m sorry if I’ve…” Adam kissed him. Tommy, shocked at first then melting into the kiss, he kissed back.

Adam broke the kiss, “Tommy you’re the most amazing man I’ve met for a very long time.”

“Aren’t you…I’m sorry, I…”

“No, don’t say anymore. I’ve been so lost these last few months. Now…well now I have you and I feel as though I’m living again.”

“Adam, didn’t you hear what I said? I told you I loved you.”

“I heard you perfectly clear.”

“So all you say is…”

“I love you too Tommy.”

“What?”

“I love you too Tommy Joe.” Adam smiled at the look of shock on his boyfriends face.

Tommy’s grin spread across his face. “I thought I was being stupid. I’ve only known you a few weeks. I’ve never fallen for anyone as quickly as I’ve fallen for you.”

“It’s not stupid baby. I scared myself because of my feelings for you. That’s why I went to talk to my mom. I thought I was rushing things. She told me to grab hold with both hands and not let you go. Tommy, the only other time I felt like this was with Alex.”

“Craig told me virtually the same, I was scared, I’ve never had feelings so strong for anyone. I’m not trying to take away what you had with Alex.”

“I know, and what we have is different. I’m never going to forget Alex…”

“And I wouldn’t want you to.”

“But I need to move on with my life and I want you to be a part of that. If…if you want to be?”

“I want more than anything.”

“Good, now kiss me and tell me again how you feel.”

Tommy moved closer and kissed him, both opening to allow their tongues to dance, each feeling the others’ erection pressing against them.

Tommy broke the kiss, “Adam Mitchel Lambert I love you.” Adam smiled, “but I do remember you promising me something.” Adam’s smile faded, “I remember you promising to help me with this…” he wrapped a hand around Adam’s length, “in the shower.” Tommy raised an eyebrow.

“Mmm so I did. Come on then, let’s see what comes up under the hot water.”

Adam got out of the warm bed, held out his hand for Tommy to take, entwining their fingers they padded naked into the bathroom.

Without letting go of Tommy, Adam turned on the hot spray. Looking at his lover he smiled and stepped under the water. Tommy followed allowing the drops to cascade down his back.

Adam pulled him closer, wrapping his arms around the smaller mans’ waist. No words were needed the smiles on both of their faces expressing how happy they felt.

Without warning Adam turned Tommy around and pushed him up against the wall. If he hadn’t been holding him up the blond would have ended up sat on his ass, the floor slippery with water. He must have had a look of shock on his face.

“Baby are you ok?”

“Yeah, just give me warning you’re gonna spin me around, nearly ended up on my scrawny ass just then.”

“Not gonna happen, and besides your ass is gorgeous.”

“There’s nothing there.”

“On the contrary it’s perfect.” He saw Tommy blush. “Now I believe you have a problem that needs sorting out.”

Without any more talk Adam dropped to his knees and took all of Tommy’s length into his mouth in one swallow.

“Shiiiiit!” Tommy’s breath was taken from him. No-one had done this to him, not all at once, in one swallow. What Adam was doing with his tongue, his mouth, was…fuck was heaven.

Tommy’s head went back, hitting the wall of the shower cubicle. But he felt no pain, he was too high on the sensations he was experiencing from the blow job he was getting. He glanced down, the sight of Adam’s head bobbing up and down his length sent messages through his body, he wasn’t going to last long. He put his hand in Adam’s hair lightly tugging trying to get a message to the dark haired man that he was going to come. But he couldn’t find the words, couldn’t string anything meaningful together. He tugged harder causing Adam to moan and hum around his dick.

“Nnngh…coming…Adaaam!” Tommy erupted down Adam’s throat, his brain feeling like a bowl of jelly. He opened his eyes to see Adam smiling up at him, licking his lips.

“Hey…you ok?”

“Mmmm”

“You taste so good.”

“Mmm,”

Adam had his arm across Tommy’s thighs holding him up. “M’gonna let go of your legs, will you be able to stay upright?”

Tommy braced his arms and hands against the wall and nodded. “Mmm”

Adam chuckled, then stood and leant against Tommy. Leaning in he kissed the blond, running his tongue against soft lips. Tommy opened up letting Adam in, exploring every contour of his mouth. He tasted himself on Adam’s tongue. It was strange but he tasted good. Kissing back he pulled his lover closer, their tongues dancing to their own beat, their hearts adding the percussion to the music.

Pulling apart when the need to breathe took over, Adam looked into Tommy’s beautiful golden eyes. “You ok baby?”

“Yeah, m’ok. Not sure dick gonna work properly again after that. It was…you were…wow!” Adam laughed. “Hey what’s so funny, that’s several times now you’ve killed my dick, not sure how much more it’s gonna be able to take.”

“So…do you want me to stop?” Adam moved a hand between them and slowly brushed a finger up Tommy’s length from base to tip, dipping his finger into the slit when he reached the top.

“Nnngh, oh fuck Adam!”

“Well I can see it still has life in it.” He kissed Tommy lightly. “You are gorgeous Tommy Joe.”

“Mmm” Tommy put his hand down and joined it with Adam’s. “M’not the only one, now we need to sort this out.” He brushed his hand up Adam’s length.

“Only if you want to.”

“I may not be able to take all your gorgeous length the way you did to me, but I’m sure as hell gonna make you feel so good.”

“Oh Tommy, I…” Adam gasped as Tommy reversed their positions, sinking to his knees the hot water beating off his back. He grasped the base and guided the head into his mouth.

“Nnngh…Tommy…you don’t have to…nngh!”

Adam was having difficulty forming words, this felt so good. He looked down and saw a blond head moving up and down his length. He had missed this feeling. He had missed someone in his bed. Tommy was…”Aaargh!” Tommy’s tongue dipped into the slit and Adam lost it, shooting warm liquid down Tommy’s throat.

Tommy coughed, he hadn’t been ready for Adam coming so quickly. He hadn’t been able to swallow all of Adam’s seed, some dribbled down his chin. He pulled himself up looking into his lover’s eyes. Lifting a hand he went to wipe away the remainder from his chin but before he got his hand there, Adam had kissed him and was licking his chin clean.

“Mmm I taste good on you.” Tommy looked down, he felt disappointed in himself, “hey what’s wrong?”

“Not good at…at…well.” He indicated his chin.

“Tommy, look at me.” Tommy looked up slowly, “I don’t care that you don’t swallow all of me. It’s not to everyone’s…well taste. But you’re amazing, I’ve not come so quickly and so hard for a long time, I’m just pleased you’re here with me.”

“I will try…”

“Don’t say that. You are awesome with your tongue, your hands. Don’t do anything different. Ok?”

“Ok.” He smiled.

“Oh I’m sorry baby, we were supposed to shower. But we um…well got distracted.”

“Yeah, I like distractions. But I do need to get out before I freeze to death.”

“Won’t let that happen.” Adam turned off the shower and reached for a very large bath towel. Wrapping it around Tommy he helped him from the cubicle. He pulled another equally large towel around himself and they headed for the bedroom.

Tommy sat on the bed, he should go home, check his emails, they were auditioning first thing the following morning, hopefully. He hoped the newspapers had been able to help. He turned to see Adam watching him.

“Adam, I…”

“You don’t regret anything do you?”

“What! No. Adam where…what?”

“When you sat down you looked worried…confused…oh…sorry, did I…”

“Adam I don’t regret anything we’ve done or said. I’m sorry if I scared you, it’s just I should go home.”

“Oh.”

“No, listen. I don’t want to go, I want to stay with you, it’s just I have work to do before tomorrow. I need to sort out the audition stuff.”

“Mmm, what do you need to do?” Adam didn’t want him to go, maybe whatever it was he could do it from Adam’s and he could help him.

“Well I need to check my emails and sort out some songs for them to sing in addition to what they bring with them.”

Adam smiled, “well I have a laptop, I have music, you have your guitar, couldn’t we do it together?”

Tommy looked at him, “are you sure. I mean are you sure about going through some songs with me?” Tommy was inwardly smiling. He’d hoped Adam would offer to help. He wanted to be able to help his lover get back into singing.

“Hey I’d like to help. Besides I don’t want you to go home. Plus you did promise to play your guitar for me again.”

“Ok, I’ll stay. I just um…well we need to put some clothes on, as much as I love to see you naked, I’d hate it if someone came to see you and…well…”

“But you’re beautiful naked, and yeah I know what you mean. Look instead of your tight jeans I may have some sweat pants you could borrow.”

“Cool, thanks, more comfortable. Ok I’ll stay and yes I’ll play for you on the condition you sing for me.”

“I can’t…Tommy I…”

“Adam, it’s just the two of us, no-one else is going to hear you…please.” He looked at Adam trying to give him sad puppy dog eyes.

“Nnngh Tommy, how can I resist you when you look at me like that.” He felt his dick twitch. He’d have to slow it down, he didn’t want Tommy to think that’s all he wanted him for.

“So will you sing?”

Adam sighed, “Yes Tommy I’ll sing with you.”

“Thank you. Now we had better get dressed and get some work done otherwise we won’t have an audition for anyone to come to tomorrow.”

Adam laughed and rifled through his clothes. He had a pair of sweat pants somewhere that had been too small for him. Finding them he tossed them at Tommy and watched as the blond pulled them on, minus underwear. Lambert you had better concentrate on music, knowing he’s naked under the sweat pants is going to be a distraction. Well he could do the same. He pulled his on, also leaving off the underwear.

Tommy had noticed. “Adam you did that on purpose.”

“Only doing the same as you.” He grinned.

“We had better concentrate on work first, then we can see what comes up later.”

“Yes please. Ok I’ll get my laptop.”

Ten minutes later they were sat on the sofa, coffee in the pot and laptop fired up ready for work.

^V^

“Tommy, do you want more coffee?”

“Not at the moment. I’m wired as it is and I think four cups is enough for anyone.” He rubbed his eyes.

“You ok?”

“Yeah, brain slowly coming to terms with what has to be done before tomorrow.”

“Look, have a break you deserve it. You’ve been staring at that screen for over 2 hours.”

“You’re right.” Tommy closed the laptop. “If the replies are right we’re not going to be that busy tomorrow.”

“That’s ok isn’t it?”

“Suppose, I hope we can find someone as good as Josh, we’ve been spoilt.”

“Mmm from what I heard the other night, he’s good.”

“Yeah, it’s a shame to lose him, but he’s going to be recording. Just what he dreamed of doing.”

“It’s tough work. You don’t get a minute to yourself. Then when the album is ready there’s all the promotional work to do then there’s talk about tours and appearances.” Adam smiled at the thought of meeting fans. He’d enjoyed that part, he liked meeting the people who believed in him.

Tommy noticed a far away look on Adam’s face and a hint of a smile. “Penny for them?”

“Sorry Tommy, what was that?”

“I said, penny for them. You were somewhere else for a while there. Anywhere good?”

“M’sorry, talking about Josh and his recording contract got me thinking to when I was recording and doing tours.

“And…they were good thoughts weren’t they?”

Adam looked down, “yeah, they were.” He sighed.

“So tell me what it was like, I want to know.”

“I don’t know Tommy, I…it’s what…Alex.”

Tommy moved closer to his boyfriend. “I know it’s difficult, maybe if you tell me one thing it’ll lay some ghosts to rest. I’m not gonna force you though…if you really don’t want to.”

Adam reached for his hands “Tommy, you’re amazing. My friends always wanted to know everything and they wouldn’t leave me alone until I’d told them all the little details. Thinking about it now I realise that was probably the start of everything. You see when I talked about my tours, my music, Alex became withdrawn. He’d listen for a while then take himself off on his own. I’d always find him walking around the local park or jogging up Runyon Canyon. I once found him standing on the edge of a sheer drop just looking down. I was scared, he could have sat down, there was a bench, but he was just staring into the distance. I watched as he got closer to the edge. I wanted to shout to him but I knew I might frighten him, so I just watched. He must have heard me because he turned around, smiled and…well it was as if it had never happened. He took my hand and we walked back down.” Adam squeezed Tommy’s hand.

“Oh Adam, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” He brushed a tear from Adam’s cheek.

“Hey, it’s not your fault.”

“But I asked…”

“No, besides, you’re the first person I’ve told that to. I just wish he’d talked to me more.”

“Will you do something for me?”

“Anything baby.”

“If anytime you just want to talk, be it about what you’ve done that day, your music, Alex, please talk to me. I’ll listen for however long you take.”

“You really mean that, don’t you?”

“Wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it. I…I love you.” Tommy blushed, he still felt strange saying it out loud, “and I want to be here for you no matter what kind of day you’ve had or are having.” He lightly kissed Adam’s lips.

“I love you too Tommy Joe. Thank you.” It was Adam’s turn to blush.

For several seconds they stared into each others eyes. Broken only by the sound of Tommy’s phone blaring out “Personal Jesus.”

“Sorry, need to get that, it’s Craig.” Adam smiled and nodded.

“Tommy’s phone…hi Craig…no, not at home…with.” He looked at Adam a flash of worry crossing his face. “sorry Craig, m’with a friend…yeah just looking at them now…yeah I gave Bar 39’s phone number too…that was ok?...great. No not sure what time I’ll be home…no still got some work to do on that…yeah I’ll let you know…I’ll be in for 9 in the morning…yes I’ve got some ideas…Craig stop worrying, we’ll find someone…ok…I’ll see you in the morning…No I’ll be on time…yes I know we haven’t got much time…Ok…I’ll see you tomorrow…yeah, bye.” Tommy hung up and threw his phone on the coffee table.

“M’sorry baby.”

“What for?”

“You having to lie to your boss.”

“But I wasn’t lying. I just didn’t say boyfriend.”

“But you should be able to tell people who you’re with. I’m just causing you more problems.”

“Adam, stop right there. If I’d wanted to say boyfriend I would have, secondly you’re not causing me any problems. I want to be with you, you have shown me what it’s like to really love someone. What I tell my boss…well he doesn’t need to know everything about my private live because it is just that…private.”

Adam pulled Tommy into a hug. “I promise I’ll try to support you. I want to help you.”

“I know you do and you can help me now by singing for me.”

Adam laughed, “Ok if you’re sure everything is ok with your boss.”

“Yeah, he’s just panicking, Josh leaves in 2 weeks so we have to find someone before then.”

“You’ll do it. I have every confidence in you.” He kissed the top of Tommy’s head.

“Now enough of my work, let’s make some music.”

“K, what do you want me to sing?”

“Mmm, how about…Aftermath?”  
“Ok, why that one?”

“Seems appropriate, we’re both gonna be ok in the Aftermath.”

Adam smiled, “yeah we are aren’t we?”

Tommy went to get his guitar as Adam made himself comfortable. Tommy played the intro and Adam’s amazing voice filled the air.

After renditions of Mad World, Feelin’ Good and Trespassing, Adam suggested they go get some fresh air. They’d been working and singing most of the day. Tommy looked at the time, it was 6pm.

“Wow, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise it was _that_ time.”

“It’s still early yet, shall we go for that walk?”

“But I should be getting home.”

“Oh…have you got something else to do?”

“No but I’ve been here 24 hours now, aren’t you…”

“No, I like having you here.”

“And I like being here, I just haven’t got any other clothes with me so I thought…”

“Look, say no if you don’t want to, but will you stay again tonight?”

“I’d love to Adam, but I need to get some clothes for work tomorrow. If I go in my jeans and shirt they’re gonna know I haven’t been home and I’ll not get any peace until I tell them where I’ve been and I don’t want to cause you any more problems.”

“How about I take you home for some more clothes then we can come back and have something to eat.”

“Sounds a good idea.”

Adam pulled Tommy off the sofa as he stood up then dragging a giggling blond behind him he retrieved his keys from the table near the door and they headed out.”

^V^

After a quick trip to Tommy’s, a call at the nearest Chinese take out, they were back at Adam’s filling their stomachs with good food and wine for Adam, Jack Daniels for Tommy.

Tommy had done some thinking as he’d picked up his clothes. Now they were relaxed and cuddling on Adam’s sofa Tommy dared to put his plan into action.

“Adam.”

“Mmm.”

“I um…well…”

“Tommy if you have something to say just say it.”

“Ok. Tomorrow…when we do the auditions…will…fuck…”

Adam sat up forcing Tommy to sit up and look at him. “Tommy just say it.”

“Will you come and listen too?” He said it quickly bracing himself for Adam’s reaction.

“I…wow…if I say yes, how are we going to know that someone won’t recognise me?”

“I’ve thought about that.”

“Oh…ok…how long have you been putting this plan together?”

Tommy blushed. “Since…since you were singing this afternoon.”

“And what did you come up with?”

Tommy smiled, at least Adam hadn’t said no straight away.

“Well we have a small backstage area, it’s not the best but it’s ok for what Bar 39 needs. It’s quite dark back there and well I thought you could…well I was thinking about going early and you could…”

“Ok.”

“Well you could sit there maybe…”

“Tommy, baby I said ok.”

Tommy looked at his lover. “Oh are you sure?”

“Tommy I’d like to be there for you. I can always wear a cap and glasses.”

“Oh, great, um…wow.”

Adam laughed. “Come here.” He held his arms out as Tommy moved into them. “I liked singing with you this afternoon and well I want to be there for you. If…if you really want me there.”

“Of course I do. Thank you. I know how hard that must be for you. I love you so much.” He kissed him.

“Mmm I don’t know about it being hard to agreeing to be there tomorrow, but I have something else that’s hard and needs your attention.” He placed Tommy’s hand over his erection.

“Oh…ooohhh! I see you need a hand…or mouth on that.”

“Nngh Tommy keep talking like that and I’ll be coming before we get to the bedroom.”

“Well you had better take me there before I decide to take you right here.”

Adam stood and pulling Tommy into his arms he carried the smaller man into the bedroom depositing him on the bed, a wicked smile on both of their faces.

Clothes removed and thrown across the bedroom, they were naked and touching each other in seconds, both making noises expressing their pleasure in each others touch.

Adam’s mouth nipping and marking his lover whilst his hand moved up and down Tommy’s length making him loose control completely. Then working Tommy’s tight entrance ready for his own dick to find it’s home inside the warm wet place. Adam came screaming Tommy’s name. He collapsed on top of the smaller man smiling down at him.

“W…what?” Tommy groaned out.

“Oh just looking at my boyfriend and thinking how lucky I am that you found me that day.”

“Nnngh, I’m the lucky one. I never thought I’d find anyone to love as much as I love you.” He kissed him, “but…um could you…”

“Oh, m’sorry. I’m squashing you.” Adam carefully pulled out, both groaning, Tommy feeling empty, Adam wanting to be back inside.

“S’ok, I forgive you, I’ll just blow you when we wake up.”

“mmm sounds good.”

“Need to sleep. Worn me out.”

“Ok baby, I’ll get a cloth, clean us up, you sleep.”

“Mmm then hug me, want your arms around me.” Tommy smiled as he felt Adam cleaning his stomach. Then he felt strong arms around him. Snuggling into Adam he slept.

Adam watched his lover sleep. “I hope I’m doing the right thing agreeing to be with you tomorrow. I’m scared Tommy Joe, scared I’ll not be able to stay.” He felt Tommy move, he hoped he hadn’t heard him. But the blond was still asleep. “I love you baby, thank you for showing me it’s ok to sing again.” He kissed his forehead, closed his eyes and slept.

Tommy’s phone alarm woke them. “Aargh…too early, need more sleep.”

“Sorry Adam, but I’ve got work to do today and if you’re still coming with me we need to go soon.”

“Still too early.” Adam pulled the duvet over his head, Tommy laughed. “s’not funny.”

“Adam, I’m not normally a morning person, but when important things need doing…”

“I’m important and I need doing.”

Tommy laughed even louder. “Oh believe me I’d rather do you this morning than find a singer, but if we don’t find someone then Craig’s going to be like a bear with a sore head. Let’s go find a great singer then we can do each other later.”

“Now you’re talking, come here and kiss me, then we can get up!” Adam laughed.

“Oh I have no problem getting up.” Tommy leant in for a kiss and as Adam hugged him he could feel their erections pressing against each other. “mmm someone’s awake early.”

“You too baby.” Adam’s hand went down to touch.

“Sorry Adam, no time. Gonna take a shower, then we have to go.”

“Want a hand in the shower?”

“If you join me then we’re not going to get to Bar 39 before they start arriving for the auditions.”

“Nnngh spoil sport.”

Tommy got out of bed and as he walked to the bathroom, he wiggled his non existent ass.

“You fucker Tommy Joe, you did that on purpose.” Adam hurled his t-shirt at the disappearing Tommy.

Tommy laughed, “yep, won’t be long.” The bathroom door closed.

Adam lay listening to the water run, imagining his naked boyfriend under the spray. His hand moved down his body, eyes closed he wrapped his hand around his length pulling on it, twisting his wrist as he reached the head. A clear image of Tommy caused his hand to move faster and it wasn’t long before he was coming, sending warm sticky liquid travelling up his body. “Nnngh fuck!” He’d not done that in a long time and he smiled, he felt good.

Tommy had switched the shower off and was listening to the noises coming from the bedroom. It was obvious what Adam was doing and Tommy had been hard since he’d climbed out of bed. He’d resisted jacking himself off, he preferred Adam’s hand around him, but the sounds coming from Adam’s mouth were certainly not allowing his own erection to subside. So taking matters into his own hands he braced himself against the sink and pulled and twisted as he moved up and down. He heard Adam’s shouts as he came and it wasn’t long before Tommy followed. He smiled, he was the happiest he’d been for a very long time, he hoped that Adam being at the club today was the right thing to do and he hoped no-one would recognise him.

Emerging from the bathroom, a towel around his waist, he saw Adam cleaning himself up and when he saw Tommy he blushed, looking like a guilty child who’d taken a cookie without permission.

“Oh, um, hi.”

“Hi yourself. Are you ok?”

“Erm…” Adam looked at the tissues in his hand, “yeah I’m fine.”

Tommy laughed. “It’s ok Adam I heard you and well… I…” It was Tommy’s turn to blush.

“Oh!”

“Hey we’re two adults in love and I am not ashamed of what we’ve done and neither should you be.”

“I know, it’s just I haven’t…you know…not since…Well not since I used to travel and leave Alex at home.”

Tommy sat on the edge of the bed. He stroked a hand down Adam’s cheek. “It’s ok, you know.” Adam stared at him, “it’s ok if you want to talk about him, think about him. He was a huge part of your life and I have no right to tell you not to talk or think about him. We have something special between us and I’m not going anywhere.”

“Oh Tommy, have I told you how amazing you are and that I love you.”

“Yeah, but keep telling me!” He smiled then kissed him. “But it still doesn’t alter the fact that we have to go.” Adam smiled “You go get a shower, I’ll see if I can make coffee.”

“Thank you.” Adam saw something flash across Tommy’s eyes, something he’s often seen in Alex, love. “Coffee’s in the top cupboard above the coffee pot, pour in water and switch on.”

“K, thanks. Now go!” Tommy sprang off the bed before Adam could delay him any further.

As Adam showered Tommy dressed and found everything for the coffee. He had a mug waiting for Adam as he emerged from the bedroom.

“Thanks. Am I? Do I?”

“You look gorgeous and we’ll make sure you won’t be recognised.” Tommy saw Adam let go a breath he’d been holding.

“I’m sorry, but we really do have to go.”

“I know. My car or yours?”

“Mine if you don’t mind, they know mine and would only question if they saw your Bentley.”

“Good point. Let me get my sunglasses and cap then we can go.”

“I’ll be in the car, see you in a few minutes.”

Tommy picked up his keys and guitar then headed out. While he waited for Adam he checked the list of prospective singers. So far they had 12 on the list, not as many as they’d hoped but hopefully enough to be able to find someone. The newspapers had over-estimated their numbers, which in a way was good, they wouldn’t have to continue the following day, but on the other hand Tommy was disappointed.

The car door opened, Adam had put on a ripped denim jacket, a faded baseball cap and sunglasses. Tommy still thought he looked gorgeous, but then again he was biased.

“This ok?”

“You’re still gorgeous, but yeah it’s ok.”

They drove to Bar 39 discussing how the auditions would pan out. Adam was looking forward to this more than he ever thought and pulling into the parking lot of the club his smile got wider.

“Adam, are you ok?”

“Yeah Tommy, I’m good. I’m kinda looking forward to this. Will be nice hearing other people sing.”

“Will you promise me something?”

“Sure.”

“If at any time you don’t feel comfortable you tell me and you can have the keys for my car. Take yourself somewhere, but please don’t just disappear.”

“I promise. Now show me your club.”

As they walked into the club their fingers entwined and Tommy couldn’t keep the smile off his face. He hoped they’d be the first there, but Craig had beaten them to it, as he was behind the bar when they walked in.

“Morning TJ. Oh!” he noticed their hands.

“Morning Craig. I thought we were early, what time did you get here?”

“Been here since 6, wanted to make sure we were ready. So…are you going to introduce me?”

Tommy blushed and looked up at Adam who smiled and nodded.

“K, erm Craig this is, um…it’s…”

“Hi Craig, I’m Mitchel.” He felt Tommy’s hand relax in his. “It appears my boyfriend is lost for words.”

“Wow, so you’re…and…boyfriend!” Craig was also lost for words. “Um, sorry didn’t mean to sound stupid, it’s just that TJ here never said anything.”

“It’s ok, it’s early days yet, we’re taking it one day at a time.”

“I’m pleased for you both. Tommy he’s, well he’s told me how you met. I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you. But I have Tommy here to thank for helping me.” Adam dropped his hand from Tommy’s and wrapped his arm around the blonds shoulder. I hope you don’t mind me being here today, Tommy’s told me about looking for a new singer.”

“Not a problem Mitchel, do you want to join me in that booth over there?” He pointed to the far side of the stage. “We can listen and you can tell me what you think.”

Tommy shot a look from Adam to Craig hoping Craig hadn’t recognised him. What Tommy wasn’t expecting was Adam’s reply.

“Sure, sounds good. Although am not much of a singer, I do like listening to music.” He smiled at Tommy who looked questioningly at his lover.

“Great, I’m not a singer either, so we can decide together. Let me get us a coffee then you can dish the dirt on TJ.” He laughed and disappeared towards the bar.

“Adam are…”

“Tommy stop panicking, I’m fine. In fact think about it. It’s better this way, if I sit backstage people are going to start asking questions. If I’m sat out in the open they’re not going to take as much notice of me sitting with Craig. Who by the way is a nice guy.”

“Ok, if you’re sure.”

“I am. And besides I can watch you better from out here.” He leant in and kissed him.

“Oh I’m sorry.” Craig was back with their coffee. Tommy blushed, “Hey TJ it’s great, I’m so pleased for you,” handing the coffee over, “so let’s get this show on the road, we have a singer to find.”

Tommy smiled “Yep, I hope we find someone as good as Josh.”

“Well we won’t know until we get them in, there’s a queue already”

“Great.”

“Oh Ashley and Isaac are on their way, should be here in about 5 minutes.”

“Great.”

“Tommy.”

“Mmm?”

“Is that all you can say?”

“Sorry, just thinking.”

“Ouch! Now that’s dangerous.”

Adam laughed. “Gee thanks A…Mitchel.” Tommy pouted and hoped Craig didn’t notice the slip.

Adam pulled Tommy close. “Aww are we picking on you baby?” He kissed him again. “M’sorry, go get ready, I’ll be with Craig. Go find your singer.” He squeezed his shoulder and watched as Tommy headed for the stage.

“I’ve never seen him so happy for a long time.”

“He’s amazing and I…”

“You love him don’t you?”

Adam’s head snapped around. “What?”

“I can see it in both of your faces.”

“Yeah I do and he loves me. I don’t why, because I have a lot of baggage.”

“We all do Mitchel, just be happy. You both deserve it.”

“Thank you.”

“Hey have you started already?”

“Please forgive her.” Craig announced, “that’s our fiery Ashley, the bass player.”

“Hi TJ, Craig, Oh…” she stared at Adam.

“Hi, I’m Mitchel, I’m…”

“Tommy’s friend?”

“Yeah, actually I’m his boyfriend.”

“Yaaayy, way to go TJ, he’s gorgeous.”

“Ashley Dzerigian, stop embarrassing Tommy.” Isaac looked sternly at her. “Hi I’m Isaac, I’m the drummer.

Adam held out his hand, “nice to meet you both, Tommy’s told me about you.”

“Good to meet you too.”

“Guys if you’ll leave Mitchel alone we have a singer to find.” Tommy didn’t want them staying too long talking in case they recognised Adam.

“On our way.” Ashley and Isaac smiled at Craig and Adam and left to join Tommy.

“Sorry about Ashley she’s…”

“She’s great. I like all of you. You certainly look out for one another.”

“Yeah we do. Now let’s go sit and listen. We may find our singer this morning.”

“Ok.” Adam hadn’t really thought about singing with the distractions of Tommy’s friends, but now it was crunch time and he hoped he’d be able to cope.

Tommy saw a look flash across his lovers’ face. Jumping down he went to him. “Here take these, and if it gets too much for you go for a drive.”

“I’ll be ok.”

“I mean it Adam. I’ll understand.”

“Ok, so far we’re ok, no one’s recognised me.”

“No, and let’s keep it that way, I love you and I understand how difficult this might get.”

“I love you too baby and I promise I’ll get some air if it’s upsetting me.”

“Good, now I have to get back.”

“I know, I’ll be listening.”

“Good.” He kissed him and watched as Tommy joined his friends on stage.

Adam took a deep breath and settled himself into the booth to listen.

^V^

They had been listening to _singers_ for the last couple of hours when Tommy called a halt to the proceedings.

“Ok guys let’s have a 30 minute break. My fingers need a rest as I’m sure Ashley’s and Isaac’s do too. All those of you who are still waiting to audition there are refreshments at the bar.” He took his guitar from around his neck and went to join Craig and Adam.

“Hey, wow that was a tough couple of hours.”

“I’m not sure any of them are going to be suitable.”

“I’m sorry Craig.”

“What are you sorry for? You’re not the one singing.”

“I’d hoped we’d have found someone by now.”

“Tommy we still have 6 more to listen to.”

“But what if we don’t find anyone?”

Adam moved across to hug him. “Stop worrying baby, Craig and I have been talking and if we don’t find anyone today we can always try again next week.”

“But I thought we wanted someone before Josh left.”

“Tommy, Mitchel’s right, besides you played without a singer for a couple of weeks and the crowd loved you.”

“It was one week and I suppose so.”

“Stop worrying, you all sound amazing together. I’d come and listen to you every night.”

“You’re biased, you’re my boyfriend.”

Adam laughed, “still, you’re amazing.” He kissed him.

“Eww boys, get a room!” Ashley laughed as she and Isaac joined them.

“You’re only jealous Ash, I’ve got a gorgeous boyfriend.” Adam smiled at Tommy’s friends.

“TJ, gorgeous? Mmm scrawny, no ass, maybe but…” Tommy dug her in the ribs. “OW!”

“I do have an ass Miss D.”

“And a very nice one it is too.” Adam added as Tommy blushed.

“Too much information boys.” Craig spluttered on his coffee. “I think on that note we should get back to the auditions.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Tommy quickly kissed Adam, untangled himself from his boyfriends arms and went back to the stage.

“Thank you Mitchel.”

“What for Ashley?”

“Oh making our boy happy. I’ve not known him long, but he’s smiling more since he met you.”

“Yeah, and I have a lot to thank him for. Long story, will tell you all about it one day.” Adam smiled.

“We’ll hold you to that.”

“Hey, I’m ready to carry on but I do need my band with me.”

“Slave driver.”

“Isaac, get your cute ass back on this stage and bring Ashley with you.” Tommy laughed.

“We’re coming.” Isaac and Ashley quickly finished their coffee and headed back.

As Adam was watching his lover. “Hey Mitchel.”

“Mmm sorry Craig.”

“That’s ok, I was just saying Thank you.”

“What for?”

“Bringing Tommy back to us.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s told you about his dad?” Adam nodded. “Well he went through hell just after it happened. If he finds I’ve told you this, he’ll kill me.”

“I won’t say a word, you have my promise.”

“He was a mess, he shut himself away with bottles of Jack Daniels. It was his friend Mike who kicked his ass around and got him to go out. He found it tough not being able to tell his dad about his sexuality and I don’t think is dad really understood when his mom told him. I don’t think that it really went down too well at first, his mom is a big church goer and…well, I don’t have to go into details. I think that’s why he visits his father every week. He tells him stuff he never got to when he was alive. Then he met you. He told me a little bit about you.” Adam looked shocked, “don’t worry, Mitchel, he didn’t go into details just that he stopped you from doing something silly.” Adam relaxed. “TJ has become a lot happier since he met you. I’ve never seen him smile so much and well…what I’m trying to say is you’ve given us our TJ back and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.”

“Wow, thank you Craig. He’s told me about his dad but not about his drinking. I won’t say anything. As for me helping him, it’s worked both ways. So I have Tommy to thank.”

“I can see how much you care for each other.”

“Yeah we do. It’s crazy as we’ve not known each other very long.”

“That doesn’t matter. With some people it takes a while, others it’s virtually instant.”

“Have you been talking to my mom?” Craig looked puzzled, “she said the same thing.” They laughed.

They heard the music start, “we had better listen to the rest, I know TJ is going to want our opinion.”

“Yeah you’re right.”

They sat back, the first one, a girl, was ok but her voice wasn’t powerful enough to sing the different genres the band played. Adam smiled when the band played a Queen track. Freddie Mercury was one of his idols. The next guy was better. Without realising Adam began humming along to Under Pressure. He was so engrossed in the music, he was unaware of Craig listening to him. Adam was feeling good and began singing along.

“Hey, thought you couldn’t sing?”

“What?” he looked at Craig.

“Thought you said you couldn’t sing. You were sounding pretty good just then.”

“Oh…erm…” He was beginning to panic. “Will you excuse me, I’ve just felt my phone vibrate, need to see who it was.” He hoped Craig believed him, he had to get some air. He needed to calm down.

“Sure, not a problem, want me to tell Tommy where you’ve gone.”

“What? Yeah, sorry, I’ll, um…” He stood, tried to catch Tommy’s eye but he was talking to the guy who’d just sung. As he left the club he could feel tears welling up in his eyes. He had to get away he couldn’t go back in there he couldn’t have anyone recognising him. He wasn’t ready, he was stupid to have thought he could be with Tommy at the auditions.

As he got nearer to Tommy’s car he felt for the keys. He needed to sit down otherwise he’d fall down. Opening the driver’s door, he got in, taking deep breaths he tried to push the tears away. He toyed with the idea of going for a drive, but where would he go? What would he say to Tommy? He looked across towards the club and cried. “I’m so sorry Tommy, I can’t do this. I can’t be around music, not yet. I…I’m so sorry, we…” He put his head in his hands and sobbed.

Tommy had enjoyed playing the Queen track and the guy had been the best they’d heard so far. They’d asked him to hang around whilst they discussed his audition and after talking to Ashley and Isaac it had been decided that if the final 2 weren’t any better they’d go with Matt. The guy had thanked them when they’d told him they may want to hear him again later. Tommy had wanted to hear what Adam had to say, but when he looked over to the booth only Craig was sitting there, a concerned look on his face.

“Hey Ash, Isaac, take a break, I just need to speak to Craig.”

“Sure TJ.”

Tommy jumped from the stage, “Craig, what’s wrong, where’s Mitchel?”

“Not sure Tommy, he…well he was humming along to Under Pressure then he started singing, he got…”

Tommy ran out of the club, Craig followed with his eyes, even more confused now. Tommy was scared, scared Adam might have driven off upset. _Shit if he wasn’t thinking, what could have happened to him?_ As he emerged from the club he saw his car still in the parking lot. Adam sat in the drivers’ seat. Slowly approaching, he didn’t want to frighten his boyfriend, he took a deep breath and knocked on the passenger window.

Adam didn’t know how long he’d been crying, but a banging on the passenger window startled him. Looking across he saw Tommy’s worried face staring back at him. He nodded it was ok for the blond to get in.

As he opened the door Tommy realised how upset Adam was. “Hey Adam, sshh it’s ok.”

“No Tommy, it isn’t.”

“Adam please, look at me.” Adam slowly turned to face him. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t…”

“No baby, it’s not your fault. I’m the one to blame.”

“But I asked you to come.”

“I…Oh Tommy, I can’t do this.”

“You don’t have to. Take my car and go home, I’ll get a cab later.”

“No, that’s not what I mean.”

“Adam, you’re frightening me, what do you mean?”

“Your life is music. I can’t…(hic) I can’t be a part of it. Too many ghosts.”

“Adam, what are you saying?”

“I’m saying, Tommy, you’d be better off without me. I can’t be around music. I…”

“Stop! Adam, please, I…answer me one question.” He saw him nod. “Do you love me or…”

“Of course I love you, that’s why I can’t…”

“And I love you. I told you I’m not going anywhere. We can get through this together.”

“I’m not a good person Tommy.” Adam turned away.

“Look at me, please.” Tommy reached for his boyfriends’ hand. Adam tried to pull away but Tommy wouldn’t let him. “Adam you weren’t responsible for what Alex did. You are a beautiful man Adam Mitchel Lambert and I am not letting you go. I think you know that don’t you?” Adam nodded slightly. “You were going to tell me you shouldn’t see me anymore weren’t you?” Adam nodded again. “Well I’m not accepting that and deep down I don’t think you want us to end either, do you?”

Adam wiped away the tears that were running down his face, “Tommy, why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?”

“Staying with me. I’m a wreck, I can’t be around people and music. I’m not good for you.”

“I’m staying because deep down I can see how you’re hurting. I’m staying because I love you. I’m staying because I believe you miss singing.” Adam shot him an angry look. “Hear me out.” Adam nodded hesitantly. “Ok, you sing for me don’t you?” he nodded, “so if you didn’t enjoy it you wouldn’t ask me to play for you. I don’t want you to get up on the stage and do something you’re not comfortable with. All I’m asking is you don’t push me away. If you want me to play my guitar for you I will. If you don’t then I’m not going to force the issue. But you aren’t getting rid of me that easily. What we have is good. I’m the happiest I’ve been for a long time. If…” he took a deep breath, “…if you only want to kiss and cuddle then that’s alright with me too. I will say, I enjoyed all the sex we had, but if not doing it anymore means I get to keep you then that’s what I’ll take. Just…please don’t leave.”

Adam saw tears begin in Tommy’s eyes. “Oh baby, I’m sorry. I was being stupid. I don’t want to leave you, I was just thinking you’d be better off without me dragging you down.”

“You’re not…”

“My turn to talk.” Tommy tried to smile and nodded. “I didn’t want to be the one to ruin your chances, you’ve already turned down San Francisco because of me.” He saw Tommy about to say something. “Ok I know you didn’t want to be a studio musician. I can see now how much you enjoy playing live and I will try to be there for you. It may take me a while but I don’t want to lose you.”

“You don’t have to be there, I know you are with me in here.” He placed his hand over his heart.

“Thank you. And as for the sex, what we’ve done this last couple of days has woken things I never thought I’d ever feel again, so no I’m not just going to kiss and cuddle you, I want you in my bed…if you want to be there?”

“Of course I do. Adam, you are an amazing man and I don’t care how many times you ask me to play for you, how many times you come to the club, or not, I’m here for you because that’s where I want to be.

“I love you Tommy Joe Ratliff. Now hadn’t you better go back to the auditions? You have a singer to find.”

“We’ve found him. That guy Matt, he has a good voice so we’re going to go with him.”

“He was good, but what about the final 2?”

“One is going away to University in a few months, the other can only do one night a week and Craig wants to up the performances to 2 nights. So we’re left with Matt.”

“Sounds good.”

“I’m going to go tie up a few loose ends, why don’t you wait here, I’ll tell Craig you weren’t feeling well, and then we can go get something to eat before we go see Sutan tonight. I’m looking forward to meeting Raja.” Adam laughed.” Now that’s better, you’re gorgeous when you laugh.”

“I’m sorry Tommy…forgive me?”

“Nothing to forgive. I won’t be long.” He leant over and kissed his boyfriend.

“See you soon baby.”

“Yeah.” Tommy headed back into Bar 39. He hoped Adam would be ok, and he was going to make sure of it.

^V^

“Hey TJ is everything ok?”

“Yeah Craig everything’s fine.”

“Mitchel looked like he’d seen a ghost when he ran from here.”

“Yeah some songs remind him of Alex and he said to tell you sorry for disappearing like that, Under Pressure was one of those songs.”

“Tell him not to worry, I understand. How many more have you still to audition?”

“We’ve decided on Matt.”

“So why don’t you go, be with Mitchel, I’m sure Ashley, Isaac and I can break the news to the others.”

“Thanks Craig, I’m sorry for…”

“Tommy Joe, you have no need to apologise. You’ve both been through the ringer and if you can help each other then I say go for it.”

“Thank you Craig. I don’t deserve a boss like you after everything that’s happened these last few months.”

“Told you a few weeks ago I know how you’re feeling. Long story short, my sister committed suicide 6 years ago, she was being bullied for being _different_ and she couldn’t cope. She wouldn’t talk to any of us, she thought we’d disown her, so she did what everyone told her to do.” Craig took a deep breath and brushed away a tear, “she didn’t give us a chance to help her, and well, if you can help Mitchel then you have my blessing. Now go, be with him, tell him how much you love him. I just wish I could have done that for my sister.”

Tommy was lost for words, “wow, I’m so sorry I didn’t realise you had a sister.”

“Not many people do, my parents won’t talk about her, they still miss her so much.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“You said she was bullied for being _different_ , was she…” Tommy took a deep breath, “was she…”

“She had a girlfriend, yeah. Mom, dad and I thought she was beautiful, they both were. Sally, my sister, met her in High School and they were inseparable.”

“Um…how old was Sally?”

“She was a baby, she was only 18.” Tommy squeezed Craig’s arm. “She was the most outgoing girl I knew, she loved her girlfriend and in the beginning they didn’t care what anyone thought. Then she started getting hate mail and she retreated into herself and wouldn’t tell anyone why. It was only after she’d…well she left a letter and we found all the emails and handwritten hate mail that we realised why she’d been so quiet.” He brushed away another tear.

“I’m so very sorry Craig.” Tommy hugged his friend.

“Thank you TJ, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t say anything to anyone.”

“You have my word.”

“Thank you, now go, be with Mitchel and don’t come in until tomorrow night. 8 should be early enough. We’ll cope, Mike will be ok and I’ll help behind the bar.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, take care of him, he’s a special man and you both deserve the love you have.”

“He is special, thanks and I’ll see you tomorrow night.” Tommy hugged him once more then went to get his guitar and say his goodbye’s to Ashley and Isaac.

“Hey guys, I’m heading off, Mitchel’s not feeling well so Craig’s gonna help you with the rest of the auditions. We’re going with Matt so I’ll let you break the news to him. I’ll see you both tomorrow for open mic, and we’ll sort out rehearsals later.”

“Ok Tommy, please give Mitchel our love and tell him we hope he feels better soon.”

“Thanks guys I will.” He waved to all of them as he left, he had some amazing colleagues and friends.

He put his guitar in the trunk and got in the drivers’ seat. Adam had moved across when he’d seen Tommy leaving the club.

“Hey baby, everything ok?”

“It is now. Craig’s given me the rest of the day off and I don’t have to be in until 8 tomorrow night. So we can relax together.”

“Do you still want to go to Raja’s Place tonight?”

“Of course I do, that is if you still want to go?”

“Yeah I do, I’m sorry for spoiling your auditions.”

“You didn’t, we’ve found our guy, we hope, so everything is ok.”

Adam placed a hand on Tommy’s thigh sending heated messages through the blonds body. “What did you tell Craig?” Adam looked worried.

“I told him it was the song, it brought back memories of Alex.”

“I’m sorry you’re having to lie for me. I hate what I’m making you do.” He looked out of the side window.

“Adam, look at me.” Adam continued staring out of the car. “Adam please.” Tommy turned to face him placing a hand over Adam’s. “I love you Adam and I don’t care what I have to tell people, I want to keep you safe.”

Adam finally looked at his boyfriend. “Oh Tommy I’m just scared what people will think if they find out the truth.”

“Can I ask you something?” Adam nodded, “you were enjoying being in the club weren’t you?” Adam nodded again. “You were enjoying the singing?” another nod, “you were even enjoying singing yourself?” A nod, “doesn’t that tell you something?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, your love for music, for singing is still in here.” He put a hand over Adam’s heart.

“Yeah, what are you trying to say?”

“What I’m saying is, it’s your life, you were born to sing. What happened was not because of your singing, it was out of your control. You can take back control of your life, do whatever you want, where ever you want and I will be there for you.”

“I don’t deserve you Tommy.”

“I just want you to be happy. I know Alex is going to be a part of our lives, but I also hope that you can make music a part of your life again. I see how happy you are when you sing. So…if you just want to sing for me then I’ll take that, but if you want to get back on stage, back in a studio then I’ll be there with you. I’d even play for you.”

“You really mean that don’t you?”

“Of course I do, I wouldn’t have said it otherwise.”

“It’s…it’s a lot to think about.”

“And that’s all I’m asking you to do…think about things.” He squeezed Adam’s hand. “I’m here to stay, for as long as you want me.”

Adam smiled, “and that’s why I love you. Now we should go before the others start leaving. Let’s go eat, then we can go introduce you to Raja.”

Tommy laughed, “Can’t wait. She sounds amazing.”

“Oh believe me, she’s that and a whole lot more.”

 

tbc

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter may be a bit later in posting. I apologise in advance but it will be posted as soon as possible after next Sunday. Thank you for being patient, I hope you are all still enjoying this. <3


	9. Chapter 9

Tommy pulled up outside Adam’s apartment. “Adam.”

“Yeah baby?”

“Do you regret anything we’ve done?”

“Where…no…Tommy where did that come from?”

“I’ve been thinking.”

“Ouch, twice in one day, did it hurt?”

“I’m serious Adam.”

“Let’s go in and we can be comfortable whilst we talk.”

“Can we do just that? Can we just talk?”

“Are you having second thoughts about us?”

“Fuck, no Adam, it’s just…are we moving too fast?”

“Come on Tommy, come inside with me, let’s talk.” Tommy nodded and got out of the car. Adam watched his boyfriend as they headed into the apartment. Something had set Tommy thinking, and he wanted to get to the bottom of it. He hated seeing anyone sad, especially Tommy.

Opening the door Adam directed his boyfriend to the sofa making sure he was ok before going for refreshments.

Handing Tommy a generous shot of Jack, he sat next to him.

Tommy held the glass in both hands staring at the golden liquid inside, swirling it around he hesitated then took a mouthful. Feeling the hot burn slither down his throat he put the glass on the coffee table then turned to Adam.

“Tommy, what’s brought this on?”

“I’m sorry Adam, I just don’t want to hurt you.”

“You aren’t doing anything to hurt me? What makes you think that?”

“This morning at the club, at the auditions.”

“You mean when I ran out?” Tommy nodded. “We’ve been through that. Craig caught me singing and I freaked in case he recognised me.”

“And if I hadn’t asked you to come with me you wouldn’t have…”

“And you think it’s your fault and we’re moving too fast.” Tommy nodded again. “If I hadn’t have wanted to come with you I’d have told you. As for what we have, I love you and I don’t regret anything we’ve done. Do…do you?” Adam was worried now.

“No Adam I don’t regret anything, I’m just scared that we’ve…well it’s not long since you lost Alex and…fuck we’re saying we love each other. We’ve been together…what, 2 weeks?” Tommy looked down at his hands, his fingers twisting together.

Adam reached for his hands even though Tommy tried to pull away, and held on tight.

“Look at me baby.” Tommy slowly lifted his head. “It’s not your fault, you didn’t force me to sing, that was me, I was enjoying myself. It’s the first time I’ve felt relaxed for a long time and I have you to thank for that. Now the problem as you call it of us loving each other. I don’t see it as a problem, I see it as a beautiful thing.”

“But Alex?”

“Oh Tommy. I loved him with all my heart, I was devastated when he left me, I didn’t want to carry on, but then you came along. I’m never going to forget him, but I have to move on with my life otherwise I’m not going to survive. You have shown me what it’s like to love again. As for us falling in love as quickly as we have done, it happens. My mom…”

“You’ve talked to you mom about us?” Adam smiled and nodded. “Shit Adam what did she say?”

“I thought we were…no, I was being stupid feeling how I did about you and I’ve always been able to talk to her, so I told her about us.”

“How did she react?”

“She told me that I wasn’t rushing things, that people fall in love at different points in their relationship and us…well we know how we feel about each other and we’re not rushing. So, Tommy Joe Ratliff, stop worrying.”

“I’m just scared that I’m not good enough for you.”

“Tommy, you are perfect for me. If you hadn‘t found me, saved me, I don’t know where I’d be.”

“But what about singing?”

“Aah now I get it. You think I’m going to crack every time you play, every time I hear one of my songs.” Tommy nodded. “Oh baby, I’m going to be ok as long as I have you at my side.”

“I’ll be there until you don’t want me anymore.”

“And I don’t see that happening in the near future. You’ve shown me it’s ok to sing again. I can be me when I’m singing with you. As for singing professionally again, I can’t answer that, not yet. But please Tommy don’t stop playing for me, I love hearing your guitar talk.” He pulled Tommy towards him for a hug. “I love you Thomas Joseph Ratliff.” He felt Tommy laugh, “that’s better. Now, are we ok?”

“Yeah we’re ok. I’m sorry.”

“Never be sorry and if anything or anyone bothers you promise me you’ll talk to me.”

“Yeah I promise.”

“Good, let’s finish our drinks and then ring for take-out before we head to Raja’s.”

“Sounds good, what do you fancy tonight?”

“Besides you?” Tommy blushed. “Mmm keep doing that and we’ll not get to Raja’s.”

“Uh huh, nope, not tonight. I’m dying to meet this Raja so no sex until later.” Tommy moved off the sofa as Adam dived in for a hug, missing him and face planting the sofa.

“Ow!” Adam looked across to Tommy feigning hurt.

“Nope Lambert, puppy dog eyes aren’t gonna work with me, not tonight.”

“But I hurt myself.” Adam was trying his hardest not to laugh but he couldn’t stop himself. “Now do you see why I love you so much baby? You make me laugh and I haven’t done that for a very long time.”

“I love it when you laugh, you light up the whole room. But I’m still not coming over there, m’gonna get the menu’s for take-away.”

“Spoil sport, I’ll withhold…” Adam’s phone rang. “shit who dares to ring me when I’m threatening to withhold blow jobs from my boyfriend.” Tommy giggled as Adam answered, “you’ve reached Adam Lamberts phone, sorry he can’t come to the phone right now he’s just telling his boyfriend he’s not getting any more blow jobs…” Adam spluttered, “oh hi mom…no you didn’t disturb anything…no Tommy and I were just…mom! No we…long story.” Tommy watched as Adam went a lovely shade of red. “No Tommy’s not working tonight, we’re heading to Raja’s…no we’ve not eaten…um are you sure?...Yeah ok mom we’ll be there in half an hour…what? No we weren’t about to have sex.” Tommy choked on his drink. “Yes mom, I’m sure he’ll be fine with that…ok see you in half an hour.”

Hanging up he threw his phone on the sofa and looked at Tommy. “We’re going to moms for dinner then we can go to Raja’s from there.”

“You expect me to face your mom after that phone call?”

“Mom’s looking forward to meeting you, besides she knows me too well.”

“But…but she knows we’re having sex!”

“Yeah.”

“But…”

“Tommy Joe she’s fine with it, she doesn’t expect me to be with someone and not have sex with them.”

“But…”

“Oh Tommy, you’ll be fine. Stop worrying, she’ll love you as much as I do. Now…let’s get changed and go for dinner. Mom’s an awesome cook.”

“But…”

“Is that all you can say baby?”

“No but what do I wear?”

“Mmm how about those awesome tight black jeans and that gorgeous sheer black shirt you had on the other day? I also suggest no underwear then I can imagine what you look like under your jeans.”

“If I do that and I um…react to you I’m gonna…”

“Oh yeah, I love seeing you hard for me.” Tommy’s dick twitched. “Mmm I see you’re liking that idea.” Tommy blushed and went to palm a hand over his growing bulge. “Oh no baby, that’s for me to sort out later. Now let’s get to mom’s don’t want to be late.”

Tommy groaned, he was secretly excited about going commando for his lover, it was part dangerous, part exhilarating, he hoped he didn’t embarrass himself in front of Adam’s mom.

He followed Adam to the bedroom wondering when it had become the norm for him to be here all the time and have his clothes here too.

^V^

Pulling into Leila’s driveway Tommy turned to Adam. “I can’t do this.”

“What do you mean baby?”

“Meeting your mom, I can’t, she’s going to think I just want you for sex.”

Adam laughed, “No she’s not. Have you been thinking about that all the way here? Is that why you’ve been so quiet?”

“What if she doesn’t like me?”

“Tommy, stop worrying, she’ll love you, just like I do. Mom’s great, I know she’s dropped this on us, I’m just as shocked as you are, but she’ll be fine, you’ll be great, you’ll love her.”

“Mmm only got your word for that.”

Adam switched off the engine, turning to Tommy, “come here.” He held his arms open and Tommy awkwardly moved in for a hug. Pulling back slightly Adam kissed him gently. Tommy instinctively opened up allowing Adam’s tongue to map the now familiar contours of Tommy’s mouth. They lost themselves in the sensations until there was a knock on the window.

“Are you boys going to devour one another out here or are you coming inside to eat something healthy?”

“Fuck Adam, is your mom a silent ninja in another life?”

Adam laughed, “Hey mom, we were just…”

“I saw what you were just doing, but save that till later, I’ve got proper food ready for you both.”

“K, we’re on our way.” Adam kissed Tommy quickly, “come on, let’s go eat.”

“Fuckshitfuck.”

“It’s fine baby, she doesn’t bite, it’s me you have to worry about.” Adam went to bite Tommy’s neck.

“Not a great start though is it?”

“You’ll be fine, come on.” Adam got out and went around and opened Tommy’s door. Taking his boyfriend’s hand he led him into the house.

Leila was waiting for them in the hallway and smiled when she saw their joined hands.

“Hi mom.” Adam hugged her. “This is Tommy Joe.” Adam turned to the blond and smiled.

Tommy tried smiling back but his stomach felt as though a colony of butterflies had taken up residence and were having a party. He held out his hand, “good afternoon Mrs Lambert, nice to…”

He didn’t finish because Leila had pulled him into a hug. “Hello Tommy, nice to finally meet you and please, it’s Leila.”

Tommy swallowed, he’d never felt so nervous in his life. “Um ok, nice to meet you…Leila.”

Adam, why didn’t you tell me he was cute?” Tommy blushed. “I’m sorry Tommy, I’m just really happy that Adam’s found someone. I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”

“S’ok Mrs L…sorry Leila.”

“Mom, can I have my boyfriend back please?”

Leila still had her arm around Tommy. “You’ll have him to yourself all night, I want to get to know the man who’s put a smile back on my son’s face.”

It was Adam’s turn to blush. “Mom, please.”

“Come on boys, let’s go sit down, dinners nearly ready. I hope Spaghetti Bolognese is ok Tommy?”

“Sounds and smells great, thank you.”

They made their way through to the dining room and as Leila went to get the food Adam poured the wine.

“So boys, you’re going to Raja’s later? What do you think of Raja Tommy?”

“Tommy’s not met Raja yet. Sutan called around at mine on Saturday night and invited us.”

“Ooh, so you’ve not…oh…you’re in for a treat then Tommy.”

“What do you mean?”

“Mom, let’s eat before this goes cold.”

“Adam, what does your mom mean?”

Adam gently shook his head hoping Tommy didn’t see. He didn’t want his mother to spoil the surprise.

“I just meant that she’s an amazing entertainer and a beautiful woman.”

“Oh, right, ok.”

“Yeah, mom’s right you’re in for a great night.”

“Right, let’s eat.” Leila began dishing up as Adam smiled and winked at her. She hadn’t seen her eldest son so happy and relaxed for a long time, and it was all thanks to Tommy. Even though he did have the same beautiful features that Alex had had. But then, most of Adam’s boyfriends had been cute and blond.

They ate as they discussed Tommy’s job, how he and Adam had met and what Tommy wanted to do in the future. By the time they came to clearing up Tommy had relaxed and was enjoying the company. Adam had been right he loved Leila and she was so open about Adam’s sexuality and life. He wished his mom was the same.  
He’d love for his family to be as relaxed about his sexuality as Leila was about Adam’s.

Tommy was helping to clear the pots away when Leila surprised him.

“What do you think about Adam singing again?”

“What…sorry?”

“I asked about Adam singing again. Do you think…”

“He left the auditions this morning because Craig, that’s my boss, heard him singing and he thought he’d recognise him. He kinda freaked for a while.”

“Oh, is he ok?”

“Yeah we talked and he admitted he enjoyed singing for me when I play my guitar. He also kind of admitted that he does miss it. He even said maybe one day he might want to record again.”

“Does he still blame himself for Alex’s death?”

“Yeah, he does, I’ve tried to tell him it’s not his fault.”

“You and me both. Thank you.”

“What for?”

“Giving me my son back. I’ve not seen him this happy for a very long time.”

“I just want to be there for him, no matter what, whether it’s on his good days or bad.”

“I can see how much you love him.”

Tommy looked at his feet, “Yeah Leila I do, very much, although I did have a wobble earlier.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah I thought we were rushing things but Adam…well he told me what you said.”

“And it’s true, everyone is different. He loves you too doesn’t he?”

“Yeah. I never thought anyone like me could find someone as special as Adam.”

“What do you mean, someone like you?”

“Oh, I’m just a barman and a part time guitar player, nothing special.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. You are special. You’re a musician and Adam’s a singer, so you’re the perfect match.”

Tommy laughed. “Match maybe, perfect…um the jury’s still out on that one.”

“Jury’s out on what Tommy Joe?” Adam appeared at the door.

“Whether your cute boyfriend is perfect or not.”

“Mom he’s the most perfect man I know, that’s why I love him.” He pulled Tommy close and kissed his neck, a low moan escaping the blonds lips. Tommy felt Adam’s hard length pressing up against his ass causing his own to twitch.

“Why don’t you boys go sit in the lounge, I’ll bring the coffee’s through.”

“Thanks mom.”

“What time are you going to Raja’s?”

“About 8.”

She shooed them into the lounge as she went to make the coffee.

Adam led Tommy to the sofa, pulling him onto his lap as he sat down.

“Mom likes you.”

“And I like your mom.”

“Good, you know how I know?”

“Go on.”

“She let you help with the dishes.”

“How does that…?”

“If she didn’t like you then she’d have made me do the dishes and she’d have grilled you in here.”

“Oh, but how do you know she didn’t grill me in the kitchen?”

“She was smiling when I came in and she didn’t object when your beautiful moan escaped your mouth.”

“Oh.” Tommy blushed.

“It wasn’t so bad was it?”

“No, and I’m sorry for panicking.”

“Not a problem baby. It’s the first time your boyfriend has taken you home to meet his mom.” Adam kissed him, Tommy winding his arms around Adam’s neck keeping a tight hold on him. Tommy felt Adam’s dick get harder, his own joining in the party. Adam must have realised because Tommy felt a familiar hand pressing down at the front of his jeans.

“Nnngh…feels so good.”

“Boys if you’re going to have sex on my sofa…just give me warning next time.”

“Fuck!” Tommy blushed burying his face into Adam’s neck.

Adam laughed. “No mom, we’re not. Well not until we get home.” Leila laughed. “Tommy baby, mom was joking.”

“Mmm not coming out, embarrassed.”

“Sorry Tommy, you’ll get used to my ways the more you visit.”

“Does that mean you’ll let me bring him back?”

“Of course sweetheart, I like him.”

“Told you Tommy, she likes you.”

Tommy slowly turned his head to look at Leila.

“Adam’s right, I would love for the pair of you to visit more often either together or separately.”

“Thank you Leila, I’d like that.”

“I’m sorry mom, I’ve just seen the time, we really should be getting to Raja’s. I’d hate Tommy to feel her wrath the first time meeting her.”

“Oh my, I know what you mean. Ok boys you have a good time and say hi to Sutan and Raja for me. Tell them they’re welcome here any time.”

“Sure mom, thanks for dinner.”

“Oh it was my pleasure boys.”

“Yes thank you Leila.”

“Adam go open your car whilst I say goodbye to Tommy.”

“But…”

“Do as your mother says.” Leila tried to glare at her son but she couldn’t help smiling.

“I can see when I’m not wanted.” Adam pouted as he headed to his car.”

“Tommy…”

“Have I done…?”

“No sweetie, what we were talking about in the kitchen?”

“Oh you mean Adam singing?”

“Yeah.”

“What…?”

“Would you come back on your own? I’d like to talk to you some more about it.”

“Sure, not a problem. Give me your cell number and I’ll ring or message you when I’m free. It’s just we have a new guy to break in to singing with the band and I’m not sure when I’m free.”

“Sure.” She gave him the number which he put straight into his phone.

“I’ll be in touch at some point this week if that’s ok?”

“Sure, but would you do something else for me?”

“Of course.”

“Please don’t tell Adam what we’re doing, he’ll only spit his dummy out and sulk.”

Tommy laughed. “Ok, that’s not a problem either.”

“Thank you Tommy…for everything.”

“You’re welcome and thank you for dinner.”

“You’re welcome too. Now I can see my son is getting impatient, you’d better go. Take care.”

“I will do and I’ll see you soon.” He kissed her cheek and headed off.

^V^

“What did mom want?”

Tommy was getting in Adam’s car. “What?”

“I asked what my mom wanted?”

“Oh, she just wanted to make sure you’re alright.” Tommy hoped Adam believed him, he couldn’t tell him what they were planning.

“Mom worries too much.”

“It’s because she loves you and wants to see you happy.”

“I am happy, I have you in my life.” Adam reached over putting a hand on Tommy’s thigh.

“Adam, she’s allowed to worry, that’s what mom’s do. Nnngh what are you trying to do to me? We’re going to meet Raja and you know what your hand does to me.” Tommy could feel the heat from Adam’s hand moving through his body and if he didn’t remove it Tommy would be sporting a boner by the time he got to Raja’s place. He really didn’t want her to be greeted in that way.

“Oh I know Tommy Joe.”

“Fuck Adam, you’re doing it on purpose.” Tommy’s dick twitched.

“But you love me baby.”

“I…nngh…I do, but we can’t do anything about it and I’m gonna be hard when we get to the club, shit I’m hard now!”

“Mmm and you’re beautiful” Adam moved his hand up and stroked it over the bulge in Tommy’s jeans.

Tommy groaned. “A…Adam I really don’t…nngh…don’t want to mess up my jeans.”

“Ok baby.” Adam moved his hand placing it back on the wheel, he smiled.

“FUCK! You’re just gonna leave me like this?” Tommy pointed to the front of his jeans.

“M’sorry baby, need to concentrate on driving and you said you didn’t want to mess up your jeans.” Adam watched as Tommy palmed a hand over the bulge, his eyes closed, his head pushed back against the seat. He couldn’t concentrate on driving so pulling over he sat and watched as Tommy, oblivious to the car stopping, continued to press down and move his hand up and down over his length.

Adam couldn’t watch anymore, he moved Tommy’s hand away and in one swift movement opened the zip and reached in wrapping his hand around the hard length.

Tommy’s eyes shot open “Adaaaam!” As Tommy looked down he saw a dark haired head making its way to his exposed dick. “What…the…nnngh.” Tommy gasped as Adam swallowed him down in one go, feeling the tip of his dick hit the back of Adam’s throat.

Adam began sucking and licking his way up and down Tommy, tasting him, savouring him as he would a fine wine. He ran his tongue along the slit as he reached the tip causing Tommy’s hips to leave the seat. Holding him down as best he could, Adam moved faster.

Tommy glanced down to see Adam’s head bobbing up and down. It was the hottest thing he’d seen in a long time. “Adam…not…fuck…not gonna last…shit…much nnngh…Adam aaarggh!” Tommy came with a force that pushed his head back into the seat, a force that melted his brain. He couldn’t open his eyes, if he did he wouldn’t be able to focus, the room, (or was it car), was spinning. He really didn’t want to pass out.

Adam swallowed everything Tommy gave him. He smiled as he slowly pulled off, kissing the sensitive tip as he did so. He carefully put Tommy’s length away and zipped up his jeans.

“Are you ok Tommy?”

“Mmmm”

“M’sorry.”

“Nngh, don’t ever be sorry for blowing me like that.” Tommy slowly opened his eyes and looked at his boyfriend. “Now kiss me, want to taste me on your tongue.”

Adam leant over and kissed him, tongues duelling. As he pulled away, “I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

“Knowing that we were on our way out and purposely making you hard.”

“Adam, I’m not sorry. Now stop over thinking everything, I enjoyed that, didn’t you?” Adam nodded. “Well then, neither of us has anything to be sorry for.”

“Ok, will you do something for me?”

“If I can.”

“If I ever get too overbearing, pushing you into doing something you don’t want, will you stop me? Tell me to back off?”

“Hey, where’s this come from?”

“Will you tell me?”

“Yes, but what’s brought…”

“I…I’ve missed this part of a relationship more than I ever thought I would and I can be overpowering sometimes. Needy if you want, but I don’t ever want you to feel you have to let me take advantage of you. I don’t want you just for the sex we have.”

“Adam, sshh. I know our relationship isn’t just about sex, which I have to add is awesome. I want you for being you. And if that includes amazing blow jobs like that, then I’ll take it. I love you, so stop worrying.”

“Thank you Tommy, Alex and I our…well our sex…”

Tommy put a finger over Adam’s lips. “You don’t…”

Adam moved Tommy’s hand away. “Yeah I do. Alex and I…our sex life was great right from the start, but when he started getting those letters he stopped wanting to make love. I didn’t know why until later. But I still loved him and he loved me. We would go away and he was amazing in bed, we’d come home and he wouldn’t want it. I thought about moving from L.A. but didn’t get to ask him, he…I missed his body next to mine, under me, on me. I don’t…”

“Adam, stop. If ever I don’t want to do anything I will tell you, just enjoy what we have.”

“I do enjoy, I just don’t want anything to happen to you.”

“And it’s not going to. How many times do I have to tell you I’m not going anywhere.” He leant over and kissed him. “Now let’s go to Raja’s and enjoy the rest of the night. By the time we get there I think my legs will be able to carry me.”

“M’sorry baby but you looked so hot and I wanted a part of you.”

“I’m glad you did. Now I don’t want to get on the wrong side of Raja, remember what your mom said?”

“Um yeah, better hurry then.” Adam put the car into gear and headed off.

Tommy kept glancing across at his boyfriend, he saw hurt in his eyes. As much as he told Tommy he was doing ok Tommy could see he was still crying inside. Those bullies had a lot to answer for and if Tommy and Leila could bring his smile back that was what he was going to do. How they were going to do it was another matter, but he’d talk to her and see if she had any ideas. He knew Adam would only conquer the ghosts when he realised he could sing and nothing bad would happen.

As they pulled into the parking lot of Raja’s Place, Tommy saw a queue of people snaking around the building. “Wow, this looks a popular place.”

“Yeah, Raja is one amazing woman, her shows are out of this world. She is also very beautiful and a lot of people wish they were like her.”

So um, if there’s all those waiting to go in, how are we gonna see her?”

“Oh that’s easy, we go to the stage door. Frankie knows me, he’ll let us in.”

“Ok.”

Adam opened his door laughing at the look of shock on Tommy’s face.

“Adam what…what is it about this woman that all these people…?”

“You’ll see baby. Come on let’s not make her angry, we have 5 minutes to get inside before she throws a bitch fit. If there’s one thing Raja hates and that’s people being late.” He grabbed Tommy’s hand and set of running. Tommy squeaked at the shock of the sudden burst of speed, then allowed himself to be pulled towards the club.

Stopping at of the stage door, Adam took a deep breath, “Good evening Frankie, Raja’s expecting us.”

“Well if it isn’t Mr Lambert. So nice to see you again. How’re you doing?”

“I’m getting better, thank you.”

“Good, that’s good. I was sorry to hear about everything.”

“Thank you Frankie. Let me introduce Tommy Joe.” He put an arm around Tommy’s shoulders and pulled him in close, kissing his head. “He’s my…”

“I’m so pleased for you Mr Lambert, it looks like you’ve found a nice man there.” Tommy blushed, “nice to see you having fun again.”

“Thank you Frankie, yeah, I am and he is, very nice.” Adam kissed Tommy’s head “Raja is expecting us.”

“Not a problem Mr Lambert it’s always good to see you. And you Tommy. I’d better let you in or Miss Raja will fire me.”

“Not if I have anything to say about it.” They laughed.

Frankie let them through and as they were heading up the corridor Tommy stared at all the beautiful women. Then he heard her, well he thought it had to be Raja.

“If you gurl don’t get your cute ass into that dress right this minute you won’t have a job to come back to.”

Tommy stopped, “Adam maybe we should wait a minute, it sounds…”

“It’s ok baby, she’s always like this before a show. Come on let’s go rescue her and let the girls get ready. Raja is like a fierce mother hen. She just wants everything…”

“Well if it isn’t my gorgeous man Adam, come here and give your Raja a hug.”

Adam laughed as he let go of Tommy to hug the tall beautiful woman who’d emerged from the dressing room.

Tommy watched in awe. She was taller than Adam, dressed in a lilac and black sequined full length tight fitting dress which was split from her ankle to her thigh. She had curves in all the right places and her shoes were gorgeous. They too were lilac and black but instead of sequins they were covered in rhinestones. They must have been at least 4 inches high. How any woman walked in heels like that Tommy would never know. He smiled at the sight before him, other than when they’d been together or at Adam’s mothers, he’d never seen him with such a huge grin on his face. He wondered what Raja was saying to make Adam laugh. He was just that little bit too far away.

“Adam sweetie, so glad you’re here.” Raja made sure Tommy heard that, then she whispered “does Tommy know who I am?”

“No, didn’t want to spoil the surprise, although mom nearly did.”

“Your mom’s met Tommy?” Adam nodded smiling, “and I take it from your smile she approves?”

“Yeah she does.”

“I’m so happy for you. Now, want to have some fun?”

“You’re a wicked girl Raja, but yeah, let’s have fun tonight. I could do with it.”

“Good. Now introduce me to your beautiful man.” Adam blushed.

With her arm still draped around Adam’s shoulders they made their way over to Tommy, Raja smiling all the time.

“Tommy baby.” Adam moved to his side, “this is Raja, beautiful lady and co-owner of Raja’s Place.”

Tommy, unsure what to say or whether to hold out his hand for Raja to shake, muttered a hello.

“Oh, you have a quiet one here sweetie.” Raja winked at Adam, who inwardly groaned. He knew what was coming next.

“So Tommy how do you like what you see?” Raja pirouetted and moved closer to Tommy. Holding her hand out Tommy gently held it and glancing sideways at Adam, nervously kissed her hand.

“Oh we have a real gentleman in our midst. It’s a long time since a man kissed my hand like that. I think I’m going to like you. Now Adam, bring your man through and we’ll go sit in my VIP booth and watch the show.”

“Thank you. Come on Tommy, you’re gonna love this.” Adam held on to Tommy’s hand as they followed Raja.

Tommy stared open mouthed at everything he saw, from the beautiful waitresses to the suited band playing on the stage. As much as he thought they looked very smart, he could never see himself playing in a tux.

As they arrived at the booth Tommy was prevented from taking a seat.

“Come to the bar with me vayvee and tell me what you want to drink.” Raja winked again at Adam who by now was finding it difficult to keep a straight face.

Tommy looked from Raja to Adam, “but…”

“Mmm you do have a cut butt, bet that’s why Adam loves you.”

Tommy nearly choked on his reply. “I, what, I…” He looked like a rabbit caught in headlights.

“Raja!” Adam was trying to sound shocked, but he didn’t think it was working.

“Oh sweetie, I’m only joking, besides he’s too tiny for me.” She leant down and planted a kiss on Tommy’s lips.

“I um, we should go get those drinks.” Tommy spluttered. He really was unsure of how to take this woman. It was clear to see she really cared about Adam and vice versa.

As he headed towards the bar he felt Raja’s presence behind him and was surprised when they were ordering their drinks, to feel a hand on his ass.

“I…um…” he didn’t know what he should really say.

“You do have a cute ass vayvee, I was right.” Raja’s hand moved from Tommy’s ass and he felt her arm go around his waist. “Don’t worry Tommy Joe, you’re safe with me. I won’t let anyone hurt you on the condition you don’t hurt my boy Adam. If you make him sad I really suggest you leave town. I’m a bitch if anyone hurts him and I really wouldn’t want to be in your shoes.”

Tommy gulped, “um ok, but I’m here to stay. I love Adam and I…um…well I…” His mouth was so dry it felt like the Sahara Desert.

“Good, I’m pleased to hear that.” Raja was trying her hardest not to laugh. “Now, grab the drinks and escort this lady back to our seats.”

“Oh…ok.” Tommy picked up the drinks and followed her.

“Hey baby, you ok? You look like the cat’s got your tongue.”

“No I’m, erm, I’m ok.”

“Raja’s just given him the _you hurt Adam, she’ll hurt him, talk_.”

“Raja you’re evil, but that’s why I love you.” Adam laughed.

“I know you do sweetie. Now I want you to enjoy yourselves tonight and tell me what you think of my girls.”

“We will and thank you.”

“What for honey?”

“Inviting us here tonight.”

“I’m just pleased to see you out and about again and it’s all thanks to Tommy Joe.” Raja moved across and kissed Tommy. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I must go see how my girls are getting on. They’ve got 15 minutes before the show starts and anyone not ready will be out the door.”

Tommy watched open mouthed as Raja sashayed backstage waving to patrons as she went.

“Well Tommy, what do you think of the Lady Raja?”

“She’s fierce, but I like her.”

“Good, because she likes you too.”

“How…what?”

“Oh she doesn’t kiss everyone, just those special to her.”

“Ah, ok. Um one thing Adam.”

“Yeah what’s that?” Adam took a sip of his vodka.

“I haven’t seen Sutan yet, thought he was going to be here tonight.”

“All in good time baby. I promise we’ll see him later.”

“Alright.” Tommy didn’t notice the sly smile that crossed Adam’s lips as he sipped on his drink.

As the music began Adam pulled Tommy close and they settled to watch the show.

^V^

Tommy stared at all the beautiful girls who were performing. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen so many gorgeous females in one place. They were very talented, some singing, some dancing, wherever Raja had found them he could bet the rest of the clubs were very jealous. He knew there were some talented people in L.A. but these girls were stunning.

“Adam, these girls are amazing. How come I’ve never heard of this place before?”

Adam didn’t want to give too much away. “Raja has an eye for beauty and talent, she goes all over the country looking for her girls. It’s not to everyone’s taste, she has a regular clientele.”

“When she comes back I’ll have to tell her how brilliant I think they are.”

“She’ll love that. How about I see if I can get you backstage, introduce you to some of the dancers?” Adam couldn’t believe how innocent Tommy was where the girls were concerned.

“That would be great, thanks.” Tommy smiled up at his boyfriend, he had great friends in Raja and Sutan. He just wondered where Sutan was, he’d said he’s see them here and so far he hadn’t turned up.

“Hey boys, what do you think of the show so far?”

“Raja it’s amazing.”

“Why thank you Tommy Joe. Adam honey, what do you think? It’s a long time since your last visit.”

“Raja you’ve surpassed yourself, they are stunning. I think Tommy’s wanting to meet some of your _girls_.” Adam raised his eyebrows and smiled.

“Well I’m sure that can be arranged.”

“Hey Raja, have you seen Sutan tonight? It’s just he said he’d be here and I’d like to talk to him properly, when we met the other night it was kinda awkward.”

“He’s here, has been for a while.” Raja was trying her hardest not to laugh. “I’m sure you’ll get to see him shortly. Look there’s one more performance to watch then come backstage and I’ll introduce you.”

“Thank you, you’re the best.” Adam smiled and winked. “Hey Tommy do you want another drink?”

“No m’good.” He snuggled back under Adam’s arm to watch the remainder of the performance.

“Adam sweetie, as soon as Nikki has finished bring Tommy backstage and I’ll introduce you.”

“Thanks.”

“This gurl better go make sure her ladies are behaving.” Raja turned and in a flash of lilac, headed off.

Nikki was a great dancer and an even better singer and Tommy was sorry she hadn’t auditioned for his band. As her performance was coming to an end the audience erupted in screams and whistles for more, Adam led his boyfriend backstage.

“Are you ready for this baby?”

“Of course, I want to congratulate them on a fantastic evening.”

Adam laughed, “come on then, let’s go.” Taking him by the hand he directed him to the changing rooms. Knocking on one of the doors Adam heard the shouts of come in. Hand on the door handle Tommy stopped him.

“Adam we can’t go in there, the girls are getting changed.”

“It’s ok baby, they won’t mind.”

“But…”

“Come on Tommy, it’ll be ok.” Adam pushed the door open and pulled Tommy in after him.

“Adam! Honey, so nice to see you again, and who’s this cutie you’ve brought with you?”

“Hey Coral, how’ve you been? I’m sorry I’ve not been here for a long time, but…”

“No apologies necessary, Raja’s told us what happened, come give me a hug, that is if your date doesn’t mind?”

“Tommy.” Adam looked at the blond, he’d got his eyes closed. Adam giggled, “Tommy how am I going to introduce you if you don’t open your eyes.”

“But Adam we’re…”

“Tommy sweetheart, just open your eyes.” Adam pulled him close. “I want to introduce you to the girls.”

“But they’re…”

“Hey, Tommy is it?” Adam nodded at Coral. “Tommy honey open your eyes, we want a proper look at the man who’s captured our Adam’s heart.

Tommy tensed under Adam’s embrace and slowly opened his eyes. “Oh!” He was greeted with half-dressed drag artists. “But…you were…wow!”

Adam couldn’t contain his laughter anymore.

“Adam, you knew?”

“Oh baby, I’ve known Lady Raja for years and have been here so many times I’ve lost count, I even sang one night here before…” Tommy pulled Adam closer and squeezed his waist. “Anyway I love these girls and it’s been great to see you all again.”

“And it’s been great to see you too. Do we have your absolutely gorgeous friend here to thank?”

“Yeah you do. And he’s not just my friend. We’re…well we’re.”

“Yaaay!” several of the girls screamed.

“Way to go Adam, you’re so lucky, he’s gorgeous. If you get fed up with him just send him here and we’ll make sure he has a good time!” Tommy blushed.

“Aw baby, they’re just having fun.”

“Sure we are. So has he got any cute brothers?”

“Girls, girls, what’s going on here?” Raja had been standing outside listening and trying not to laugh. She thought she’d better rescue Tommy. “Leave the boy alone you vultures.”

“Sorry Raja.” They chorused.

“Besides, when Adam’s finished with him he’s mine, he’s got a lovely ass, felt it earlier myself.”

Tommy felt himself getting redder and wanted to curl up and hide. Adam wasn’t making it any better he was laughing too. But Tommy was pleased these Queens had made his boyfriend laugh. He hadn’t heard him laugh so loudly since he met him.

“Raja _you_ can definitely keep your paws off my boyfriend.” He winked.

“Ok girls, now you’ve had your fun, I’m going to take these two gorgeous men back to my dressing room and buy them a drink.”

“Bye Tommy, come back and see us on your own next time.” Coral shouted as the closed the door.

“I love your girls. I’m sorry I’ve not been here before now.”

“Well you’re here now sweetie and that’s all that matters.”

“You have an amazing place here, I didn’t know anything about it, otherwise I’d have visited sooner.

“Well get Adam here to bring you back again. Maybe between us we can get him to sing for us.”

Tommy felt Adam tense, he squeezed his hand to reassure him.

“M’ok baby.” Adam whispered. “Just brings things home when people start talking about singing.”

“S’ok, we’re not going to force you to do anything.”

“I know and thank you.” He squeezed Tommy’s hand.

“Right boys, take a seat, Raja is going to change from her beautiful self. Help yourselves to a drink.”

Tommy was reluctant to go into the dressing room. “It’s ok honey Raja doesn’t bite. Well not until she knows you better.”

Adam laughed seeing the look on the blonds face. “Raja you’re a wicked girl, I’ll tell Sutan all about you.”

“Oh sweetie he knows.” She wiggled her ass as she disappeared behind a screen.

Tommy sat on the sofa whilst Adam got their drinks. He was mesmerised as items of clothing appeared over the top of the screen. Raja was humming to herself as she got changed.

“Do you want a drink my lady?”

“Vodka please honey. I’ll be out in a minute.”

Tommy kept his eyes on the screen even when Adam handed him his drink. Adam grinned knowing what was coming next.

“Hey Sutan how long does it take for…”

“Wait…what did you just say. I thought…oh no not…”

Sutan emerged from the screen in jeans and vest t-shirt, wiping his make-up off as he appeared.

“So all along, when I was asking where Sutan was, you were, you are…”

“I’m sorry vayvee, I hope you’ll forgive our little bit of fun tonight?”

Tommy tried to pout, but he couldn’t help laughing.

“Does that mean we’re forgiven?”

“Mmm, haven’t decided yet. You may have to make it up to me when we get back to yours.”

“Boys, boys too much information for Raja’s delicate ears.”

They all laughed.

“Seriously Tommy, have you enjoyed yourself tonight?”

“Yeah I have, thank you both. Sutan or should I call you Raja?”

“Sutan’s fine, the Lady Raja has been put to bed for the night.”

“Ok, well Sutan, will you please thank your…girls for an amazing show.”

“I will and I’m pleased you enjoyed yourself.”

Tommy went quiet.

“What’s wrong baby?”

“Just thinking, and before you say anything, no it didn’t hurt!”

Adam laughed, Tommy liked seeing him laugh, it made him look even more gorgeous and younger.

“So what were you thinking?”

“They said you used to sing on occasion when you came here.”

“Yeah…I did.” Adam looked sad, “before…well you know?”

“I’m sorry Adam, I didn’t mean to upset you, it’s just, I’m learning more about you every day.”

“He was amazing Tommy, and sometimes I used to get Raja to persuade him to dress up to sing.”

“Oh…oooh! You mean…”

“Yep your man here dressed in drag on a few occasions. He loves dressing up, says if he does that people don’t recognise the real him. And I have to say he looked good in a dress. I think I may even have pictures somewhere if you’d…”

“Oh I’d love to see them.”

“Nope, no you don’t Tommy Joe, they’re…”

“They’re amazing Adam and I think Tommy would agree that they were hot. I think they are. I’ll look them out and next time you visit I’ll show them to you.” Sutan winked.

Tommy had an idea.

^V^

Pulling up outside Adam’s, Tommy turned to him. “I really should go home, I’ve only got these clothes I’m dressed in and I…”

“Oh, ok.” Adam looked at his boyfriend, “I’m sorry baby for making you stay.”

“No Adam, I’m not saying I don’t want to be here, thing is I haven’t been at my place since Friday. I really do need to get clean clothes for work tomorrow.”

“M’sorry, want me to take you home now?”

“a) I have my own car here, remember? And b) no I want to spend the night with you so…how about we go in and go to bed then I can be up early and call home before I go into work.” He saw a faint smile grace Adam’s lips. “Hey, Adam look at me.” Adam turned. “Thank you for tonight. I really enjoyed being with you at Sutans. You were relaxed and enjoying yourself and I like seeing you like that.”

“I have enjoyed myself tonight and it’s not only Sutan or Raja that did that, but you more than anything Tommy Joe. I really feel that I’m starting to live again. It’s taken me way too long to get here and…”

“And you’re not going to ever forget Alex, I understand that, and I’d never want you too. I’m here for you and whatever you want to do with your life…and I’m including professionally too, I’ll be there 100% for you.”

“Tommy this is why I love you. You let me just be me and not rush me into things. I’ve had too many people trying to tell me what to do. You’re a breath of fresh air and I am eager to get myself back to a good place.”

“And I love you too. I can see that you’re making progress every day and what I can see now is a totally different person to the one I met those weeks ago at the cemetery, and you’ll get to your ideal place soon. Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m getting tired, we’ve had a crazy ass night.”

“Yeah we have. Come on, let’s get in and I’ll hold you whilst we fall asleep.”

“Can’t think of a better way to fall asleep.” Tommy got out of the car and as he watched Adam walk towards him he knew how to put his plan into action.

“Penny for them baby.”

“Oh just thinking how quickly things have moved on with us.”

“Too quickly?”

“Definitely not, I’m happier now than I’ve been for a long time and I have you to thank for that. What I’m trying to say is I love how your relationship is so relaxed with your mom and …shit I’m not good with words. I…I would never get away with talking to my mom like you did with yours.” Adam wrapped his arm around Tommy’s shoulder as they walked. “I like your mom, she’s a great lady and I’m so happy that she invited us to dinner. She invited me back even if you couldn’t come with me.” He knew if he said he was going to see Leila, Adam would want to go with him. He had to keep the visit a secret. Tommy hated lying to Adam, they’d discussed on more than one occasion they would keep being honest and truthful with one another. He had an idea how to visit without Adam going too.

“Told you she likes you. Is that what you were talking about whilst I got the car?”

“Yeah it was.” Tommy was pleased it was dark and Adam couldn’t see his face. He wasn’t always good at hiding the truth.

“That’s great baby. If you want to go see her that’s fine by me, just as long as you don’t get her to show you my baby pictures.”

“Oh but I’m sure they’d be gorgeous.” He giggled.

 

Adam moved his hand down and began tickling Tommy. The blond was very ticklish and giggled even more, trying to get away from Adam’s manic fingers.

“No…Adam (giggle) I…fuck stop (giggle) I promise I…please Adam (giggle) I won’t…please, I won’t look at them I (giggle) I promise.” He broke away from Adam and ran. Adam followed and on longer legs caught up with Tommy in no time. Pulling him close.

“Hey that’s not fair.” Tommy was out of breath, “your legs are longer than mine.”

“But you’re beautiful baby.”

They stopped in front of the apartment building to catch their breath.

“Too much exercise, I’m so unfit.” Tommy breathed heavily.

“Oh that you’re definitely not. You’re so fit and bendy when I’m inside you pushing you over the edge.” Tommy groaned. “Come on, let’s recharge our energy and we can continue this conversation tomorrow, I may even prove to you how fit and bendy you are when I wake you up with a surprise.” Tommy groaned even louder, Adam kissed him and took him up to bed.

“Adam.”

“Yeah baby?”

Tommy had been thinking how to approach going to Leila’s, he hoped what he said next sounded convincing. “I really enjoyed dinner with your mom tonight. I’m…um…”

“Spit it out.”

“On my way to grab some clean clothes I’m going to um…well does she like flowers?”

Adam laughed as he opened the apartment door. “Yeah Tommy she does, and that would be a lovely thing to do.”

“Great, I’ll um call as I head to work, I’d better ring her before just make sure she’s in.”

“I could meet you there.”

“No, that’s ok. I won’t have a lot of time got to rehearse and get Matt up to speed with our songs. See if he wants to add some of his own too.”

“K, baby. I’ll give you her cell number in the morning.”

Tommy was about to say he already had it, but stopped, he couldn’t tell Adam that Leila had given it to him earlier in the night he’d want to know why. “That’d be great thank you.” He yawned.

“Come on, bed. We’ve had one crazy but amazing night.” Leading Tommy to the bedroom Adam realised he hadn’t thought about Alex all night. He was ok with that, he had another amazing man in his life.

Crawling under the duvet, Adam folded Tommy into his arms and after kissing his neck, whispering he loved him, it wasn’t long before he was asleep.

Tommy noticed the change in Adam’s breathing and smiled, if everything went well with Leila he would approach Craig with the idea then enlist Sutan in Adam’s transformation.

When Adam woke, the sun was streaming through his window making the room warm and the sun shining on a vase in the window flashed a rainbow of colours around the room. Adam smiled, he was a very lucky man to have Tommy in his life. Reaching for the blond he felt an empty space. Looking around Tommy’s clothes had gone. Sitting up he felt empty, he’d wanted to wake up with his boyfriend. Why had he left without saying goodbye? Then he saw an envelope on Tommy’s pillow addressed to him.

 _Tommy’s pillow? Since when had it become Tommy’s? Maybe his lover was right, they were moving too fast. Was he replacing Alex with Tommy? No, they’d said they loved each other and… He shook his head. You’re over thinking again Adam, just take every day as a new beginning._ He reached for the envelope and smiled at the scratchy writing. Tearing it open he read his lovers words.

**Morning my gorgeous boyfriend. Please forgive me for running out on you. I wanted to get an early start. Am calling home to get changed then going to the florist, can you message me your mom’s number and I’ll drop the flowers off on my way to work. I love you and will ring you later. I will make it up to you for running out on you, besides I do believe you owe me hot sex. Relax my gorgeous man and I’ll see you later.**

**Tommy Joe xx**

Adam smiled wider, for a man of few words Tommy knew how to make him happy. Picking up his phone he saw he also had a message from Tommy. A tear escaped his eyes as he saw what Tommy had sent. It was a photograph of them in bed together, Adam asleep and Tommy smiling into the lens. This was the first photo he had of the both of them. It would be the first of many.

“Oh Tommy, you’re amazing, I love you so very much.”

Adam quickly messaged him. **Morning my lover, the photograph is gorgeous, thank you. I look forward to many more, but with me awake. Have a wonderful day my love and I’ll wait patiently (or not!) for your call. Love you baby xx**

He added his mom’s cell phone number on the end then went to make coffee.

Tommy had woken early and as much as he’d tried he couldn’t get back to sleep, his mind was a jumble of ideas, what would he say to Leila, how would he approach Sutan, after all he’d only met him twice. What would Adam say to the idea? He wanted to see Leila before he went to work, so without another thought he gently crawled out of bed. He didn’t want to leave Adam without saying goodbye but he knew if he stayed they’d end up making love and as much as he craved intimate contact with his man he really wanted to put his plan into action.

As he was dressing he had an idea. Carefully so as not to wake Adam, he lay down behind him, aimed his phone and snapped a picture. Looking at the result he smiled, he’d message it to Adam when he got to his own apartment. He didn’t want to leave without saying anything, so finding paper and pen in Adam’s lounge he left a note hoping Adam wouldn’t be too upset with him. He even asked for Leila’s number to keep the story real.

Closing the door he quietly headed home.

He showered and changed quickly then made coffee. He hadn’t wanted to hang around at Adam’s he didn’t know how much longer his lover would sleep. Waiting for the coffee to finish filtering he sent the photograph. He didn’t have to wait very long for a reply, smiling because Adam understood why he’d left, even sending Leila’s number. Tommy agreed he wanted more pictures of them together but that would happen in time.

Messaging back, **you looked so beautiful, I couldn’t resist. Thank you for your mom’s number, just having coffee then gonna ring her. Take care and I’ll speak to you later. Love you xx**

Tommy took his coffee through to the lounge and hit the speed dial for Leila.

She answered after 3 rings. “Morning Tommy, is everything alright?”

“Good morning Leila, yeah everything’s great. I um, well…”

“What’s wrong Tommy?”

“Nothing, I…well remember what we were talking about last night? About Adam singing?”

“Yes I do, have you thought of something we could try?”

“Yeah I think so, would it be ok if I called to see you before I go into work?”

“Of course you can. Is Adam…”

“Adam’s at his apartment, I came home to get changed.”

“Not a problem, shall we say in about 30 minutes?”

“That would be great, thank you.”

“See you soon Tommy.” She hung up.

He finished his coffee, retrieved his keys and guitar then headed to the florist. He had to take flowers just in case Adam called at his mothers’ later in the day. Choosing a bouquet of roses and tiny white flowers, which he couldn’t remember the name of, he headed to meet is co-conspirator, well one of them anyway. If Leila agreed that his idea would work he’d talk to Craig when he got to work and would ring Sutan later.

Pulling up into Leila’s driveway he was nervous. Taking a deep breath he got out, if he waited any longer he’d reverse out and that would be the end of Adam singing again. He really hoped what he had in mind wouldn’t backfire or lose him his amazing boyfriend. He couldn’t bear being without Adam now, he was a huge part of his life even though they’d only been dating less than a week.

Leila had seen him pull up, she was so grateful to him for bringing Adam back to her, she was intrigued about Tommy’s idea.

She was at the door before Tommy had had time to knock. As she opened it she came face to face with a bouquet of flowers.

“Well I’m hoping my son’s boyfriend is hiding behind those beautiful flowers and not some stranger.”

Tommy giggled and popped his head from behind them. “Morning Leila, these are for you, a thank you from me for the lovely dinner last night and welcoming me into your home.”

Taking them from him, “Aww thank you Tommy, they’re gorgeous, and you shouldn’t have. It should be me thanking you for being there for Adam.”

Tommy blushed and looked at his feet. A habit he had when he was nervous.

“Please, come in, I’ll put these in water then we can sit and talk.”

“Thank you. I’m just pleased I can help Adam. No-one should go through what he has these last few months. I know he still misses Alex and I’m ok with that. But I also know he misses singing, he’s…well he kind of admitted it to me. I want to show him that nothing bad is going to happen if he starts singing again.

Leila smiled. She was prepared to listen to this man, she knew from the looks and slight touches that her son had exchanged with him the previous evening, he was not going to hurt Adam, she could see the love between them. “Tommy if you can do that I would be eternally grateful.” She didn’t want to rush him into explaining. “Did you have a good time at Raja’s Place last night?”

“Oh yeah, Raja is an amazing person.”

“Did you meet Sutan too?”

“Met Sutan when he came to Adam’s the other night, but I had no idea they were the same person. Adam and Raja kept me in the dark until the end of the night. Raja even flirted with me and I didn’t know. Nor did I know about Raja’s girls.”

Leila burst out laughing. “I’m so sorry Tommy, my son does have a wicked sense of humour. I hope you didn’t mind all the winding up.”

“Not in the least. It made for a fun night. And I eventually saw the funny side of it.”

“Good, I’m pleased you did. I’m also glad to hear Adam had a good time.”

“He’s getting there, he’s had a long journey, but I hope it’s getting easier for him.”

“I’m also grateful to you Tommy for stopping him doing something stupid that day.”

Tommy didn’t realise Leila knew. “I…oh…has…”

“Adam told me everything honey, he always has. So yeah I know. But that’s in the past, We’re looking to the future and I want to hear your idea.”

“I will have to speak to my boss Craig and Sutan, in fact it was talking to Sutan last night that gave me the idea.”

“Oh, have you mentioned coming here to Adam?”

“Yeah he knows, but only thinks I’m bringing you flowers as a thank you.”

“Right, I promise I won’t say anything to him until you tell me otherwise.”

“Thank you, I’m hoping if I can pull this off, he won’t be angry with me and…” He looked as though he was going to cry.

“You really love my son so much, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I do. Stupid I know because we haven’t known each other that long. But if he ended it because of my stupidity in trying to help him sing again, well…I…”

“Oh Tommy, come here.” Leila held out her arms and Tommy moved in for a hug. “If he says anything to upset you he’ll have me to answer to. You are the best thing that’s happened to him for a long time and I know he loves you too.”

Tommy hugged her back. “I know where Adam gets his amazing hugs from.” They laughed. “When you’ve heard what I want to do will you tell me honestly if you think it will work?”

“Of course. I want him to sing again. I know he blames himself for Alex but he couldn’t have stopped him. He should sing, it’s his life. And now he has you in that life he should live it fully.”

“Thank you.”

“Would you like a coffee?” Tommy nodded. “Go sit in the lounge, make yourself at home, I’ll just put these in water then I’ll be through.”

Tommy smiled, wiped away the remnants of his tears and headed through. He didn’t sit down right away, he looked at the photographs of Adam and Alex and some of another young man, dark hair, younger but with the same features. That must be his brother Neil. He didn’t hear Leila enter.

“That’s Neil and Elisse. They’re getting married in November.”

“M’sorry I didn’t meant to…”

“Stop apologising, you’re part of our family now.”

“Oh…thank you.” Tommy was overwhelmed at the love Leila had shown him, he sniffed.

“I’m sorry I didn’t meant…”

“S’ok, I…wow, I wish my mom was more like you.”

“Thank you. I’m sure she will understand one day, give her time.”

“I know, it’s just been difficult.”

“You’re welcome to call around any time. I mean that.”

“Thank you.” He kissed her cheek. “Adam’s told me he’s going to be Neil’s best man.”

“Yeah, Neil will wish he hadn’t if I know my eldest son. He’s going to tell all the childhood stories when Neil got him into trouble and then some.” They laughed. “So Tommy, I know you have to be at work, let’s talk about this idea you have to get Adam singing again.”

Tommy explained his idea and hoped that it could happen soon. Leila agreed that it was an excellent idea and to let her know if he needed her to do anything.

“I have to speak to Craig first, find out when a good night will be. So as soon as that’s sorted I’ll talk to Sutan and then all 3 of us could get together to sort out the finer details.”

“You’re an amazing man Tommy, thank you.”

“Don’t thank me until it’s happened, you may hate me if Adam doesn’t like the idea. I’ll hate myself if I lose him.”

“No-one is going to hate anyone and you won’t lose Adam, I’ll make sure he sees what a beautiful man you are.”

Tommy looked at the time, “M’sorry Leila but I really do have to go to work, don’t want to annoy Craig before I’ve had the chance to ask him.”

“Ok, let me know if there’s anything I can do for you.”

“Oh, there is one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“I haven’t got a number for Sutan and I don’t want to ask Adam in case he wants to know why.”

“I have it, hang on.” She disappeared, returning with an address book. “Here you go.”

Tommy saved it on his phone with the idea that he would ring him after he’d spoken to Craig. “Thank you for everything.”

“Not a problem. And thank you for what you’re doing for Adam.” She hugged him and held onto him as they headed to the door.

“Take care of yourself Tommy.”

“You too.” As Tommy headed towards his car he felt a bit happier about his plan,

^V^

Twenty minutes later Tommy arrived at Bar 39 hoping Craig was there, he needed to put this plan into action and the sooner rather than later. If he delayed he knew he may back out. Mike was already there.

“Well if it isn’t lover boy.”

“Fuck you Mike.”

“No thanks Tommy, keep tellin’ ya, you’re not my type.”

“Ha, ha, ha,”

“Seriously Tommy, how are you?”

“M’good Mike. I was looking for Craig, is he in yet?”

“Yeah he’s in the office, he’s got that record producer guy with him.”

“Oh.”

“Is everything ok?”

“Yeah, it’s not urgent, I can wait.”

“He shouldn’t be too long. So Tommy Joe, when do we get to meet this amazing guy of yours?”

“I’d say soon, but you’d only scare him away.”

“Ha fuckin’ ha!” the smiled. “It’s great to see you happy again TJ. It’s been a long time coming and I want to thank Mitchel for putting a smile back on your face.”

“It’s worked both ways, Mitchel is happy again, well he’s getting there.”

“And it’s all down to you Tommy.” Tommy blushed, “my we do have it bad.” Mike laughed as Tommy flipped him the finger. “That’s what I love about you, straight to the point.”

“You wouldn’t want me any other way, would ya?”

“Nah. Known you too long. So what do you want Craig for?”

“Can’t say too much, need to sort a few things out first, then I’ll let you know.”

“Well if there’s anything I can do to help let me know.”

“Thanks Mike, I will.”

Craig and the producer emerged from the office. “Oh hi Tommy, we were just talking about you.”

“All bad I hope.”

“Mike there’s nothing bad about our Tommy Joe.” They laughed although Tommy tried to pout but failed miserably.

“Have I done something wrong?”

“Not at all, Mr Wagner wanted to know if I could persuade you to take up that job offer.”

“I’m sorry you’ve had a wasted journey Mr Wagner, I stand by my decision last week. I’m happy where I am thank you.”

Wagner handed Tommy a card. “Well if you ever change your mind, call me. There’ll be a job waiting for you.”

“Thanks.”

“Now if you’ll excuse me I have a plane to catch. Thank you Craig.” He shook hands with each of them. “And ring me Mr Ratliff if you change your mind.” Tommy smiled and nodded.

“Still say you’re crazy TJ passing up an opportunity…”

“Told ya boys, m’fine here, besides don’t want to leave you lot, I’d miss ya too much!”

“Miss your lover boy more like.”

Tommy flipped Mike off again and laughed.

“Children, children.” Craig loved his staff like family, “thought you weren’t in till later Tommy?”

“I needed to have a word with you, wanted to put an idea to you.”

“Ok, let’s go through to the office.”

Tommy followed his boss and friend hoping that his suggestion didn’t sound too crazy.

Thirty minutes later Tommy was back in the bar, a smile on his face. Craig had thought his idea was brilliant and had told him if everything worked out, then he’d think about making it a regular occurrence. All Tommy had to do now was enlist Sutan’s help. He hoped he would agree. From what Tommy had witnessed the other night, Sutan cared for Adam and only wanted the best for him.

“Hey TJ, you look like the cat that got the cream. Gonna spill?”

“Nope, not yet, just got one more thing to do then I may tell you. But if I do you have to promise not to breathe a word of it to anyone, otherwise I may have to kill you.”

“I’m shaking in my boots.” They laughed, “seriously Tommy how long have I known you?” Mike had seen a serious look flash across Tommy’s face.

“I know, m’sorry, it’s just…well if I haven’t got everything in place it could backfire, and I may lose Mitchel.”

“Shit Tommy Joe, sounds serious.”

“Yeah it is so please let me get everything sorted and I promise I’ll explain once I know when it’s going to happen.”

“Sure, not a problem.” He watched as his friend went behind the bar. “Hey Tommy.”

“Mmmm?”

“Good luck.”

“Thanks man.” Tommy paused “Mike would you mind if I just popped out to make a phone call?”

“Don’t mind at all, take your time.”

“Thanks.”

Mike watched as his best friend left. _You really have got it bad. This Mitchel must be one very special person._ He hoped that after everything, Tommy wouldn’t get hurt. But even if it all backfired, Mike knew he’d be there to help pick up the pieces – again.

 

tbc

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for being patient and waiting for this chapter whilst I had an amazing time with zazajb over the weekend, we laughed so much we cried. Thank you bb for a great few days. This is a longer chapter as a thank you to you all for staying with me. Hope you all enjoy it. xx


	10. Chapter 10

Tommy knew they didn’t have a delivery so he made his way out the back door. Holding his phone in shaking hands he scrolled through until he found Sutan’s number. Staring at it, his finger hovering over the dial icon he took a deep breath and touched dial.

It kept ringing and as he was about to disconnect he heard Sutan.

“Good morning, whoever this may be if you’re trying to sell me something don’t bother I’m not in the market. If you’re a cute single guy looking for fun, then Raja’s is open every night from 10. If it’s anyone else state you name and business and if I like what you’re offering I’ll speak to you.” Tommy hesitated. “Right if you don’t answer within 5 seconds I’m disconnecting, 5…4…3…2…”

“It’s Tommy, Adam’s friend.”

“Well hello vayvee, what do I owe the pleasure of your call? Is everything ok with Adam?”

“Um…yeah Sutan everything’s good. I…well I’ve…”

“Oh honey, neither Raja nor I will bite…well not hard anyway.” He heard Tommy splutter. “Oh Tommy Joe, I’m sorry, just having a bit of fun with you, what can I do for you?”

“I…um well I’d like to come and talk to you. I’ve had an idea that I’d like to put to you.”

“Ooo intriguing vayvee, can I ask what it’s about?”

Tommy looked around making sure no one was listening, “um it’s about Adam but…”

“If it’s about your gorgeous man, of course dahling, when were you thinking of gracing my establishment?”

“How about tomorrow morning? I’m busy at work for the rest of today.”

“Sure sweetie, what time?”

“Does 11 sound ok?”

“That’s fine. Does Adam know you’ve…”

“No, please, if he rings don’t mention me coming to see you.”

“I’m even more intrigued honey, but of course I won’t.”

“Thank you Sutan, I’ll explain everything when I see you.”

“Ok, I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Yeah, bye Sutan and thanks.” Sutan hung up and Tommy had to lean against the wall, he was shaking. He couldn’t back out now, he had to do this…for Adam.

The remainder of the morning went by in a blur, Tommy had promised Matt he’d have all their songs ready. He was half way through listing all the ones they’d done when his phone rang. Without looking at the caller ID he answered.

“Tommy’s phone.”

“Hey, Tommy’s phone, is my boyfriend there?”

Tommy laughed, “Hey Adam…” he stopped and looked around hoping no one was in earshot.

“Are you on your own?”

“Um no why?”

“Well I thought with…”

“Oh that, it was a slip, m’sorry, but no one heard.”

“Baby it’s me who should be sorry making you lie like that.”

“Stop blaming yourself. It will all work out, you’ll see. Now what did you ring me for, I was going to ring you remember?”

“Yeah, I know, Hadn’t forgotten, it’s just Neil’s rung me, he wants me to go around to his tonight, wants to go over the wedding stuff we started the other day.”

“Sounds great. You should go.”

“But we were…”

“Adam, you should go, we can have many more nights together. Neil is only getting married once.”

“Elisse is a very brave young woman marrying my brother. Adam laughed.

“I’m sure Neil is a lovely guy, just like his brother.”

“Mmm gonna have to introduce you then you’ll see what I mean.”

“Adam I’d love to meet him one day. So what time are you going to Neil’s?”

“He’s picking me up around 6. I…um…I’m…”

“What’s wrong?”

“Do you mind if I stay the night at his, not sure what he’s got in mind.”

“Adam, he’s your brother, go, have fun, sort out your best man duties.”

“But we…”

“Hey I’m working until 1am, so you’d only be on your own. I can always go to Mikes if I don’t want to go home.”

“I love you, and you’re sure?”

“I love you too and yes I’m sure, it’ll do you good to go somewhere else and besides, I haven’t really been at my own place for nearly a week. I should do domestic stuff.”

“Ok, but can I see you in the morning?”

“Oh, I…erm… I’ve got a meeting with Craig at 11, we’re talking about introducing some new stuff at Bar 39. How about I come around when we’ve finished I could tell you all about it.”

“Sounds interesting baby. Why don’t I pick you up instead when you’ve finished?”

  
“Ok, I’ll message you.”

“I’ll miss you tonight baby.”

“I’ll miss you too. Wow, we have only been together less than a month and I can’t imagine my life without you.”

“I know what you mean Tommy, I never thought I’d find anyone to love. But then you came into my life.”

“And as I’ve said before m’not going anywhere. Look, m’sorry, I really do have to get back to work.”

“I’m sorry Tommy Joe.” Adam sounded upset.

“Hey Adam, it’s not your fault, I was due a break anyway. Was going to ring you but you beat me to it.”

“Are you sure it’s ok?”

“You can ring me anytime you want to. I’m always here for you.”

“Thank you.” Adam sounded happier. “I’ll let you get on and I’ll see you in the morning.”

“That’s a date, oh and Adam.”

“Yeah baby?”

“Tell Neil I said congratulations.”

“I will, thank you. I love you.”

“I love you too.” They both hung up.

“Hey Ratliff who was that?”

“Mitchel, why?”

“Oh just didn’t sound like you said Mitchel’s name.”

Tommy closed his eyes hoping Mike couldn’t hear the shaking in his voice. “Yeah it was Mitchel, he rang me to tell me he was going to his brothers tonight. Neil, that’s his brother, is getting married in November and Mitchel’s going to be best man.”

“That’s great, have you got an invite?”

“Why would I, don’t know Neil.”

“No but you’re almost part of the family. When was the last time you went home?”

Tommy blushed. “um, last Wednesday.”

“So nearly a week. I’d say you both have it pretty bad, spending all that time together.”

“I’m going home tonight so…”

“So do you want some company?”

“Not if you’re gonna question me all night about Mitchel?”

“If I promise to bring pizza can I come around?”

“You know how to twist me around your little finger.”

“Known you too long TJ and pizza is always a winner with you.”

Tommy finally turned towards his best friend. “Ok Mike you got me, pizza it is, say 1.30 at mine.”

“Great, oh and TJ…”

“Yeah?”

“M’so happy for you. Not seen you so relaxed for a very long time.”

“Yeah I am, thanks Mike. Now I do have to get back to the music. Matt will be here in 30 minutes to rehearse. We only have this week then Josh goes.”

“Sorry Tommy. Holler if you want anything.” Mike headed behind the bar.

Tommy waved at him, thanked whoever was listening that Mike didn’t push about Mitchel any further, then went on listing their songs.

The remainder of the day and night flew by. The rehearsals went really well with Matt killing all the songs they rehearsed, although he did have some problems with Outlaws of Love. They decided for now to take it from their set list and replace it with another Adam Lambert track, Pop That Lock. It was a new one to Tommy, but Josh and Matt agreed it was a good track. Tommy would have to do his homework, he didn’t know that track, but he’d have enough time on Friday to play with it.

At 1am the last patron had left and Mike and Tommy were just tidying up when Tommy’s phone buzzed. He’d left it on the bar and before he could reach it Mike picked it up.

“Mike, hand it over. Please.”

“Hey only seeing who’s sending you a message at this time in a morning.”

“It’ll be Mitchel, he knows I’m working…what’s wrong Mike?” Tommy had seen his friend look at the screen and knew he’d seen Adam’s name.

“Tommy that’s not Mitchel’s name. Who’s Adam?”

“Um, don’t know.”

“Come on Ratliff, that wasn’t convincing. I know you better than that.”

“Please Mike, hand me my phone.”

“Only if you tell me what the fuck is going on.”

“I can’t…not yet.” Tommy looked pleadingly at his best friend.

“We’ve been best friends for a long time Tommy, then this Mitchel guy comes along and you’ve stopped telling me the truth.”

“I…shit Mike it’s complicated.”

“Ok, so tell me over pizza what’s so _complicated_ that you’re keeping things from me?”

“Mike, I…”

“Tommy I want to help, I want to see you happy. But I also want the truth.” He handed Tommy his phone.

“Mike give me a couple of minutes and…just give me some time.”

“K, ok, but I care about you Tommy and I don’t want to see you hurt.”

“I’m not going to be, please just…hang on.” Tommy went out back and rang Adam.

“Hey baby, I didn’t expect you to ring, thought you’d be busy or at least on your way home.”

“Adam…I…”

“Tommy Joe, is there something wrong?”

“Fuck Adam, it’s all gone tits up.”

“Hey calm down, it can’t be…”

“Mike’s found out…”

“Found out what?” Tommy could hear the worry in his boyfriends’ voice.”

“My phone was on the bar and when you messaged me it flashed up your name and…fuck Adam he saw your name.”

“What did you tell him?”

“Nothing yet. I…I wanted to speak to your first. Adam I love you, please believe me, I don’t ever want to hurt you.” Tommy sniffed back his tears.

“Oh baby, I know you love me and I also know you’d never hurt me. What do you want to do about it?”

“I (sniff) I don’t know. Mikes coming to mine with pizza after we finish and well he wants an explanation.”

“Then tell him.”

“What?”

“I said…”

“I know what you said, but I thought…”

“I’ve been doing some thinking too and I want you to tell Mike.”

“But you said you weren’t ready for people to know and…”

“And Tommy, we may come to a point where this lie we’re telling could backfire big time. So go on tell your friend, and your boss if you want. I’m going to have to come out of _hiding_ before Neil gets married, so…”

“Oh Adam, you’re an amazing person and that’s why I love you.”

“So…are you going to tell Mike?”

“Yeah I will, thank you.”

“It’s going to be hard this next few months, but with you around I’ll be able to cope.”

“I’ll make sure Mike doesn’t tell anyone and as for Craig, he can wait a bit longer.”

“Ok, just let me know what Mike says.”

“I will. Oh there is one thing.”

“Mmm what’s that?”

“I know it’s going to be hard but I’m hoping you’re gonna be hard for me too.” Tommy smirked when he heard Adam moan on the other end.

“Nnngh Tommy Joe.” That did it, Tommy’s dick twitched. “M’not going to be able to think of anything but you naked in my bed after that.”

“Fuck Adam, now I have a problem I need to take care of.” Adam laughed, “so not funny Lambert, can’t have supper with Mike sporting a boner.”

“Nnngh, m’still at Neil’s. Gonna go to the bathroom when we’ve finished talking.”

“Sounds like a good plan. Thank you.”

“What for?”

“Trusting me to tell Mike.”

“Hey you’ve been friends for a long time, he deserves the truth.”

“I love you Adam Mitchel Lambert.” Tommy laughed and heard Adam laugh too.

“And I love you too Thomas Joseph Ratliff.” Tommy groaned, his mom was the only person who used his full names. “Take care baby and I’ll pick you up tomorrow.”

“Yeah, I’ll message you when I’m ready.”

“Night baby.”

“Night Adam.” Tommy disconnected then went to take care of his problem picturing Adam all the time he was jacking off, even shouting his name as he came.

^V^

Tommy had already downed a large shot of Jack before Mike arrived. As he let him in the smell of the pizzas hit his senses, but instead of making him feel hungry, they made him feel sick. Sick because he knew what was coming and he knew Mike would be mad at him. Hoping also that he would be able to understand why he’d done it.

“Hey Mike, you want a drink?”

“Am I going to need it?”

“Um…maybe.”

Mike headed towards Tommy’s kitchen, “want some?” he pointed at the food.

“Don’t think it would stay down.”

“So Ratliff, you gonna tell me the truth?”

“M’sorry Mike.”

“Quit the _I’m sorry’s_ I’m your friend for fuck sake. Why…”

“Can we go sit down?” Tommy picked up the bottle of Jack and two glasses then headed to the sofa. As Mike watched his best friend, he thought he looked like someone who had the problems of the whole world on his shoulders. He’d not seen him like this since his father died. _What had this Mitchel guy got to hide? Why was Tommy lying to him? Since he’d met this guy Tommy had been happier than he’d ever seen him, so what had changed?_ Tommy flung himself on his sofa and poured another generous drink.

“That’s not going to solve anything TJ.”

“No but it’ll give me some Dutch courage. Want one?”

“Sure, hate to see a man drinking on his own.”

Tommy tried to smile but it didn’t work. Handing Mike his drink, “shit Mike I don’t know where to begin.”

“How about right from the start.”

“K, but you have to promise me some things.”

“Tommy…”

“Please Mike, just promise me.”

Mike was worried for his friend, he sighed, “Ok, what is it?”

“You have to promise not to interrupt me, don’t judge me and try not to get mad.”

“Tommy…just tell me.”

Tommy took a deep breath and told Mike everything, he kept sipping his drink and refilling it when it was empty. By the time he’d finished his story the felt light headed.

“So…go on tell me I’m being a stupid fucker.” He looked across at Mike.

Mike downed his drink in one go. “Fuck!”

“Is that all you’re going to say?”

“You’re dating the Adam Lambert?” Tommy sighed and nodded. “Wow TJ you kept that quiet.”

“Mike I’ve explained why I did it. So…go on shout at me, tell me I’m being stupid, tell me anything but please talk to me.”

Mike placed his glass back on the table and looked at Tommy. “Do _you_ think you’re being stupid?” Tommy shook his head. “Are you in love with him?” Tommy nodded, “You’re happy aren’t you?” Another nod and a half smile. “Oh Tommy, I can understand everything you’ve done to protect him and I admire you for helping him like that.”

“I can feel a but coming here.”

Mike smiled “Yeah, but you can’t keep it up forever. Look at how I found out.”

“I’m so sorry for lying to you. I promised Adam I wouldn’t tell anyone unless he was ok with it. He’s had a really rough time. I…fuck, I’ve made a complete mess of things haven’t I?”

Mike moved closer and folded him in his arms as Tommy began crying. “Hey TJ, you haven’t made a mess of things. You were protecting the person you love. From what you’ve told me he is a very frightened man.”

“Oh Mike, he’s the most amazing guy I’ve met. He’s slowly getting better.”

“And that’s all because of you. You’re a good man Tommy Joe and I can see how much you care for him.” He let Tommy go.

“So what happens now? Are you going to tell everyone at work I’ve lied to them?”

“No I’m not. It’s yours and Adams business and when you tell the others is up to you. I only have one question.”

“Mmm what’s that?”

“When can I meet the guy who’s put the biggest smile on my best friends face?”

“You really want to meet Adam?” Tommy was surprised, he thought Mike would have been more angry with both of them.

“Of course I want to meet him. He does know you’re telling me tonight?”

“Yeah, I rang him and asked if he’d mind. He told me you should know, considering how long we’ve been friends.”

“I like this man more every time you talk about him.” Tommy laughed. “Now that’s better. That’s the Tommy Joe I know and love.”

“Thanks man, and I’m sorry for lying to you.”

“You both had your reasons.” Tommy hugged him.

“So how about that pizza you brought?”

“Ratliff it’s 3am and you want pizza?”

“Yeah, m’hungry.” They laughed as Mike went to grab the pizza and plates.

They ate cold pizza in silence until Mike yawned. “Jeez TJ you do know how to show a guy a good time. I hope you extend Adam more hospitality than this?”

“Oh yeah, I even show him my bed.”

“Eww Ratliff too much information.”

“Well you did ask.”

“Point taken. So are you gonna show me some hospitality and allow me to sleep on this amazing couch of yours?”

“Sure Mike and thank you.”

“What for?”

“Not shouting at me, not telling me to piss off and most of all being an awesome friend.”

“Not a problem, that’s what friends are for.”

Tommy squeezed Mikes shoulder and headed to the bedroom for a spare blanket and pillow.

“Hey catch!” he threw the pillow at his friend. “There is one thing Mike.”

“Yeah, what’s that?”

“I have something I’m trying to organise that will hopefully let Adam see what he’s missing. I can’t say too much yet, but once I…”

“Hey anything you want me to do just shout.”

“Thanks. Oh I gotta go out in the morning so you can look after yourself can’t you?”

“Sure man, where you going?”

“To enlist a friend of Adam’s, but that’s all I can say right now.”

“Ok.” Mike watched as Tommy cleared away the food and drink. He had to admit he was ready for screaming and shouting at his friend at the beginning, but he now had the utmost respect for Tommy after everything they’d been through.

“What time you out in…oops this morning?”

“Meeting at 11 so gonna be gone by 10. Tommy looked at his phone, “nngh 5 hours and my alarm will be going off. Wanted to do some research before I went but looks as though that’s not gonna happen.”

“You want me…”

“Nah, got some other planning to do so it’s not urgent.”

“Ok. Right, I’m going to try to get some shut eye.”

“Mmm me too. Thanks Mike, see you later.”

“You’re welcome.” He watched as Tommy headed into his bedroom. _You’re a wonderful and loyal man Tommy Joe. I’m pleased for you._

Tommy crawled underneath his duvet. Some of the weight he’d felt when he got home had lifted, thankful that Mike hadn’t judged him. Now all he had to do was meet Sutan and put his plan into action. Turning off his light he was asleep in no time.

^V^

When his alarm woke him Tommy remembered the conversation with Mike and hoped he was still ok with things now he’d had chance to sleep on it. Quickly showering and dressing he quietly went through to his lounge. Mike was already sitting on the sofa nursing a coffee.

“Morning TJ, hope you didn’t mind me putting the coffee on?”

“Not at all and I’m surprised though that you’re awake.”

“Seems my head was processing a lot of information and I didn’t sleep much.”

“Ahh, so now you’re going to tell me I’m being stupid.”

“No, on the contrary you’re a very loyal, wonderful man to do what you are doing for Mitchel. Sorry Adam, or whatever you want me to call him.”

Tommy smiled. “It’s Mitchel until my plan gets the go ahead. If…if you don’t mind?”

“Of course I don’t mind, just tell me when and I’ll pretend to be as shocked and surprised as everyone else.” They both laughed.

“Is there any more coffee or have you drunk it all?”

“Nah, there’s more, knew you’d want lubricating.”

20 minutes later Mike left him and wished him luck for his meeting.

Tommy flopped onto the sofa, he had about an hour before he had to meet Sutan, he wondered how Adam had got on with Neil. He knew they’d made basic arrangements a few weeks ago, he hoped they were all sorted now. He messaged him. **Morning gorgeous, how was the planning last night? Have you and Neil got hangovers this morning or did you stay sober?** Putting his phone on the table he took the coffee mugs through to wash up. He expected he’d be back at Adam’s that night and didn’t fancy coming home to dirty pots. He was just drying the mugs when his phone buzzed. Smiling he checked the message. **Morning baby, yes we remained sober, lots sorted and we had a good night although I missed you. Have you had your meeting yet, can I come pick you up?** Tommy loved that Adam had missed him, he’d missed Adam too.

**Hey I missed you too. No not had meeting, going to leave in about 10 minutes. I promise I’ll message you when I’ve finished. Love you.** Tommy needed to head off so picking up his coat, putting his phone in his pocket he headed out to his car. His phone buzzed as he was starting the engine.

**I’ll be waiting for your message Tommy Joe. Hope your meeting goes well. Think I may go visit Sutan until you’re done. Take care I love you xx**

Tommy read and re-read the final part of the message. He couldn’t tell Adam where he was going, he’d have to ring Sutan and warn him. He dialled the number and waited.

“It’s early so this had better be really good or else…”

“Morning Sutan, it’s Tommy.”

“Oh hey sweetie is everything alright, you are still…?”

“Sutan we have a problem.”

“Ok honey, calm down what’s happened is Adam ok?”

“It’s Adam, he’s just messaged me…”

“What…what is it. Is he ok?”

“Yeah, he’s ok, he knows I have a meeting this morning, he’s just messaged me he’s going to go see you to pass the time until I’m back home again.”

“Oh…ah…I see your problem.”

“Sutan I can’t have him finding out…not yet.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t say anything to him when he rings, I’ll make an excuse why he can’t come here.”

“Oh thank you, I know you don’t know me that well, I…”

“Hey sweetie, after seeing a huge change in Adam the other night you are a special person, so I want to help you. Now, calm down, I’ll be here alone, what time will you arrive?”

“M’just in my car now and I’ll be there in about 30 minutes.”

“Good, that’ll give me time to talk to Adam.”

“Thank you Sutan you’re amazing.”

“Aww thank you sweetie. Now take your time, we have all morning to sort out your plan.”

“K, see you soon.” He hung up, closed his eyes, took a deep breath hoping Adam would believe whatever Sutan told him.

As he was pulling out of his apartment parking space his phone buzzed again, he breathed a sigh of relief when he read Sutans message **Mission accomplished, tell all when you get here. See you soon vayvee. Xx**

Tommy’s heart rate slowed down as he put the car in gear and headed off.

Sutan answered the phone on the first ring. Tommy had chosen to go to the back door of Raja’s Place just in case anyone spotted him. “Hey it’s Tommy I’m at the back entrance.”

“Mmm like the sound of that vayvee, but unfortunately you’re taken.” Sutan laughed.

Tommy blushed and spluttered realising what Adam’s friend had implied. “Oh, I…erm…”

“Oh Tommy, I’m just having a little joke with you. I’ll open up in a minute.” He hung up leaving Tommy smiling at his phone. He liked this man, he said what he thought and to hell with everyone else who didn’t appreciate it.

He jumped as the stage door opened and the tall beautiful man stood smiling at him. “Come on in, we can go to my apartment upstairs, more comfortable.” Tommy nodded. “Don’t look so worried, m’not gonna jump your bones. I love Adam too much to do that to him. Besides you’re too tiny for me.” Tommy gulped. “Oh Tommy sweetie you’ll soon get used to my jokes, please come on in and I’ll get us a drink to take up, unless it’s too early for you?”

“Never too early for a good drink, Jack and water would go down nicely.”

“Good, this way then.”

Tommy followed and felt like he was being led like a lamb to the slaughter.

Sutan could sense the nervousness of the blond and smiled. He was intrigued about Tommy’s plan, but if it would help Adam then he would listen without judging before he told him what he thought.

“Right sweetie, what did you want to talk to me about?”

“I’ve um…well I’ve been playing my guitar for Adam and well…”

“Tommy, I’m not going to bite, so calm down and start from the beginning. If I suspect it’s to do with Adam and him singing again then I’ll listen, no questions asked until you’ve finished. Besides he’s too amazing a performer to completely give it up. So…come on let’s go make ourselves comfortable and you can tell me all about it.”

As they headed for Sutan’s apartment “Did Adam believe you?”

“Yeah.”

“What…what did you say?”

“Told him I had a rough night last night, was feeling _delicate_ and was taking myself back to bed. Even convinced him I had someone waiting in my bed for me.”

“Oh…”

“Oh yeah. He knows what I can be like when I’ve been drinking and got a cute guy with me.” He laughed at the look of shock on Tommy’s face. “I can feel we’re going to be good friends.”

Tommy relaxed slightly, he hoped so too.

“So come on then, tell Sutan everything. I want to know this amazing idea you have.”

Tommy downed half of his drink then explained everything even having Leila and his boss Craig agreeing to help them with their plan. When he’d finished he downed the remainder of his drink to try and calm his shaking hands and the heavy beating of his heart.

Sutan sat watching him, not saying a word.

Tommy was now scared. “So…um…what…”

“I think it’s a brilliant idea Tommy. How did you come up with it?”

“It was something you said Monday night and it got me thinking.”

“Oh and what did I say?”

“When you introduced me to your lovely ladies you mentioned Adam had dressed in drag for you, and well it got me thinking.”

“You’re an amazing man Tommy Joe, so how can I help?”

“Well, m’gonna call and see Craig on my way home, find a date when we can do it. Won’t be this week, it’s Josh’s last performance and we introduce Matt to everyone too. I’m hoping he’s going to agree to a week from tonight. Do you think you’ll be able to help us with the costumes?”

“Are you going to leave it to Adam to decide what to wear?”

“Well sort of. I’m going to make some suggestions and see what he says. I’ve had another idea.” Tommy looked at his feet.

“Tommy what is it?”

“Well I’m going to ask Leila if she’ll invite Adam and I, and you of course over to dinner on Thursday, tomorrow. I have the day off work to go visit my dad and Adam visits Alex so…”

“Oh I see your thinking. It’ll be the first time you’ll have both been visiting together and you think a home cooked dinner with family will ease the tension?” Tommy nodded. “Have you spoken to Leila about this?”

“No, I literally just thought about it.”

“Well how about I ring Leila and suggest it. Saves you maybe, having to explain to Adam why you’re talking to his mom.”

“Thank you Sutan.” Tommy bit his lip.

“You ok sweetie?”

“Mm sort of.”

“Come on tell Sutan all about it.”

“I’m scared.”

“About what?”

“That if we do this and Adam finds out I started it all, and he sings and…fuck Sutan I don’t want to lose him. I love him too fucking much.”

Sutan moved over to the sofa and hugged the tiny blond. “He’s not going to be mad at you and you’re not going to lose him. I can see when he looks at you how much he loves you. So stop worrying and let’s get this night organised.”

“Thank you.”

“My pleasure sweetie. I’m just so happy that he has you and he’s slowly coming back to us.” Sutan kissed the top of Tommy’s head. “Want another drink?”

“I’d better not, need to go see Craig then get back to mine, Adam wants me to go to his again tonight and…” Sutan laughed “What?”

“Oh honey, you have both got it bad. Seems to me you’ve virtually moved in, You’ve been at his more than yours haven’t you?” Tommy nodded. “That tells me you’re not going to lose him. He wouldn’t ask you to stay if he was unsure of his feelings for you.”

“Oh I hope you’re right. Now I’m sorry but I really should go see Craig, if I’m any longer Adam is going to be ringing to see where I am.”

“Ok, I’ll ring Leila and suggest she rings Adam with the invite. You have to look surprised when he asks you, can you do that?”

“Yeah I can. Thank you…again. I really hope this works.”

“I have every confidence in you. Now go, meet your boss and then take your man to bed and loose yourselves in each other.” Sutan saw Tommy blush and smiled.

“I’ll speak to you soon.”

Sutan walked Tommy back down and after bidding each other goodbye he watched as Tommy drove off. Smiling he dialled Leila. “Hey beautiful lady, I’ve got an idea for you…” He made his way to the bar for a celebratory drink.

Tommy was pleased Sutan was with him on the plan. He’d been terrified of telling him, he didn’t know how he’d react. But it was even better now he’d got him to ring Leila. All he had to do now was make sure next Wednesday was ok with Craig. He knew his boss would be at Bar 39 so pointing his car in the direction, he headed there.

He found Craig on his hands and knees. “Hey what’s going on?”

“Oh hi Tommy, my own fault, was carrying a full tray of glasses and sneezed, and well…” Tommy giggled “so not funny Ratliff. Besides what are you doing here anyway? Thought you weren’t in until tonight?”

“M’not, but remember that idea I told you about the other day?”

“Yeah, what about it?”

“I’ve um… spoken to Leila, Mitchel’s mom and his friend Sutan, and well, we were thinking next Wednesday.” Tommy held his breath.

“Sounds a good night. Ok, what do you want me to do?”

Tommy let the breath go. “Oh…um…wow, thank you. I was expecting a discussion about it.”

“Tommy, I can see how much he means to you and I want to help in any way I can. Does Mitchel know what you’re planning?”

“No, we’re going to talk about it tomorrow night after we’ve both been to the cemetery.”

“Ok, just let me know what you want doing and I’ll have it ready for you.”

“Great, thanks. I’ve decided that an 80’s themed night would be a great way to start. All will become clear I promise.”

“That’s fine by me. I’ll make sure it’s decorated in here.”

“I could come and help.”

“No, you just make sure both of you get here. You’re working that night, so just come in at your usual time, that way Mitchel won’t suspect you having anything to do with it.

“Thanks Craig. Now all we’ve got to do is convince Mitchel it will be a good idea.”

“I’m sure you’ll all be able to do that. From the little I’ve seen of him he seems a good guy and would be fun to have at a party.”

Tommy laughed, “He is a good guy.”

“It’ll be ok Tommy.”

“I hope so. Look I have to go, Mitchel’s picking me up and we’re going to his. I’ll see you for my shift later.”

“Ok TJ, and don’t worry, it’s gonna be fine.”

Tommy waved at his boss as he headed out the door.

Reaching for his phone he messaged his lover. **Hey sexy, I’m just on my way home. Wanna pick me up in half an hour? How was Sutan? See you soon, I love you xx** Fastening his seatbelt he heard his phone buzz.

**Hey beautiful, didn’t go to Sutan’s will explain when I see you. I’ll pick you up in about 45 minutes, hope that’s ok? Just shopping right now. I love you too, see you soon xx**

Tommy smiled it was the first time Adam had gone impulse shopping since Alex had gone. **Not a problem, see you later. Hope you bought something nice?**

As he was about to turn the key he got another message. **Oh I’ve bought something gorgeous, but you’ll have to wait until later to find out what it is. Drive carefully baby, see you soon xx**

Tommy laughed, **spoilsport, I will xx** He had never felt as happy as he did right now, he only hoped he’d still be this happy next week.

^V^

Tommy was relaxing on his sofa, he’d messaged Adam to let him know he was home, smiling when Adam messaged to say he was on his way. Tommy must have nodded off as he was woken by a banging on his door. Shaking his head he crawled off the sofa, “K. Ok! Don’t break my door down m’coming.” Rubbing his eyes he opened the door to a grinning Adam.

“Hey baby, was beginning to think you weren’t here.”

“Car’s downstairs so I must be here!”

“Whoa, you ok?”

Tommy sighed, he’d got a lot on his mind, he was hiding a secret and he was no good at that, not when he was excited and nervous about the whole thing. Plus they’d agreed no more secrets from one another.

“M’sorry, just got a lot on my mind.”

“Anything I can help you with?”

“What?...oh sorry…not it’s just work.”

“Things not going well?”

“Just the opposite, we’re doing really well. Josh is going early Saturday morning, Matt is being introduced Friday night. Craig has other ideas for the club and the band is really coming together now.”

Adam pulled the blond to him, “that’s fantastic. I’m really pleased for you. All of you.”

“I wish…”

“You wish what Tommy?”

“I wish you would…doesn’t matter.”

“You want to know if I’ll ever sing again don’t you?” Tommy nodded. “I’m scared.”

“What for?”

“Scared that no-one will want to hear me again, they’ll have forgotten me. I’m scared that if I do sing then I’m going to go back into the life that took Alex from me.”

“They haven’t forgotten you. If the reaction to your songs at the club is anything to go by, they love you and want to hear your music. As for going back into your workaholic ways, I wouldn’t let that happen.”

“I don’t know Tommy, it’s a lot to think about.”

“I know and I’m not expecting an answer straight away. I…will you think about it for me?”

Adam took a deep breath and nodded. “Ok, I’ll think about it.”

“Thank you.”

Adam’s phone rang. “Sorry baby, it’s mom, I need to answer it.”

“Go ahead and say hi to her for me. I’ll go make coffee.” Tommy couldn’t stay, he knew what the call was about.

“Hey mom, is there something wrong?...No am at Tommy’s, who says hi by the way…yeah I’ll tell him…so what were you ringing for?...oh, ok, hang on I’ll ask him.”

Tommy held his breath he hoped he could sound surprised as he knew what Adam was going to ask him next.

“Hey Tommy mom says hi and wants to know if we want to go to dinner tomorrow night?”

“Oh…um…do you want to go after…?”

“Yeah, I think it would be nice, you know round the day off with family.”

“But m’not family.”

“You are Tommy, you’re a part of me, so that makes you a part of our family.” Adam smiled.

“Ok then, yeah, that sounds good.”

Adam kissed his neck, “hey mom, yeah we’ll be there, what time do you want us?...6 sounds good…oh that’s great…yeah I’ll tell him…Ok mom we’ll see you tomorrow, bye.”

“You’re mom’s a lovely lady and she’s an amazing cook.”

“She likes you too, by the way, Sutan’s gonna be there too. Mom bumped into him earlier and asked him. Hope that’s ok with you?”

“Adam he’s your friend why wouldn’t it be ok?”

“This is why I love you, you’re not afraid of meeting my family and friends.”

“They’re a part of your life and I only want to see you happy.”

Adam pulled him close. “Have I told you lately how much I love you?”

“Yeah, but you can keep saying it.” Tommy kissed him.

“What time do you have to be at work?”

“Um…8, bar work tonight so it’s 8 till midnight.”

“Mmm well it’s only 2 so I have an idea how we can fill our time.”

“Oh and what way would that be?”

“Come on I’ll show you.” Adam took hold of Tommy’s hand and led him to the bedroom.

“Hey you never told me what you’d bought this morning?”

“It’s a surprise, I’ll show you later.”

“Ok.” Tommy pulled him closer and as he was kissing him he slowly undressed him, pulling his t-shirt up. He encouraged Adam to lift his arms and as the shirt revealed more bare skin Tommy kissed each part slowly, drinking in the beauty before him.

“Mmm Tommy, feels so good.”

“Ssh and just feel.” Tommy pulled the shirt over Adam’s head and let it drop to the floor, kissing him gently on the lips Tommy felt Adam’s hands go to the bottom of his own t-shirt.

Putting his hands over Adam’s “No,” he whispered, “you first then me.” He saw Adam nod and felt his arms drop to his sides.

Tommy locked his eyes with his lovers’ as he opened the button of his jeans and slowly slid the zip down. Feeling Adam release a breath he smiled continuing to stare into the blue pools, Tommy dropped to his knees, his hands hovering over the waistband of Adam’s jeans.

Adam was mesmerised watching his beautiful blond as he dropped down. He wanted nothing more than to get the blond underneath him, but today Tommy was in charge and as much as Adam wanted him, he would wait until Tommy was ready.

Tommy smiled then dropped his eye line to the bulge appearing in Adam’s jeans. He wanted this gorgeous man so much, but today he was going to make Adam feel so good. He leant in and lightly kissed the mound causing a deep growl to escape his lover’s lips. Slowly pushing down the rough fabric Tommy kissed the skin just above Adam’s boxers, a wet patch already forming on the fabric. Pushing the jeans right down Tommy ran his hands gently up Adam’s legs feeling them shake as he moved higher.

“Tommy…please.” Adam was trembling in anticipation having to hold on to the dressing table in case his legs wouldn’t take his weight.

“Ssh my lover.” Tommy kissed each leg. “All in good time.” He bit lightly on Adam’s thigh.

“Nngh!” Adam was having difficulty forming words, the sensations he was feeling were causing all coherent thought to fly from his mind.

“Going to make you feel so good. Not going to rush.” Tommy kissed and nipped an inner thigh.”

“FUCK! Tommy…m’gonna…” Tommy smiled he loved seeing Adam come undone beneath his touch. He licked the latest bite soothing it, at the same time palming a hand over his own dick. It was eager to get in on the action but it wasn’t time just yet. He took a deep breath as he moved his hands further up Adam’s legs.

Reaching for the waistband of the boxers, Tommy gently pulled them down releasing Adam’s beautiful hard length from its confines. Leaning closer Tommy licked a stripe from base to tip, kissing it and tasting the pre come that was escaping.

“Nngh…Tommy…need you…”

“Ssh, be patient my gorgeous man.” Tommy pushed the thin fabric right down, “step out of them.” He looked up at Adam who’s eyes were lust blown. He smiled, he was causing this man to look like that.

Adam did as he was asked, although how he remained upright he didn’t know his legs were jelly.

Tommy pushed the offending clothes away to join Adam’s t-shirt. Kneeling up he came face to face with a very hard leaking length. He kissed it, a beautiful sound escaping his boyfriend’s mouth. Tommy held on to Adam’s thighs as he licked the tip then swallowed as much of it as he could. He still couldn’t take it all as Adam was big. He’d never felt as good as he did when he was making love with Adam.

Licking and sucking his way up and down, he could feel every twitch and pulse of the veins in the length. Holding onto Adam’s hip with one hand, Tommy slowly caressed his lovers balls, feeling them tighten under his touch.

“Oh…my…nngh…Tommy, feels so…nngh…good.”

Tommy pulled off the length sliding his tongue along the slit as he did.

“What do you want Adam? Tell me what you want me to do.” Tommy had never asked what he wanted, he always let Adam make love to him, to get him off. He wanted to know what Adam liked.

“Don’t want you to stop…want…want you to…” he hesitated. He trusted Tommy, he’d never asked for this from anyone, he’d had a bad experience but now…now he wanted to feel, feel Tommy inside him. “Want you…”

“Take your time…what do you want me to do?”

“Oh Tommy…please, I want…I want you to make love to me…”

Tommy’s breath hitched. He hadn’t expected that, he knew Adam didn’t bottom so this…this was going to feel amazing.

“Are you…are you sure?”

“Mmm, m’sure…want you inside me…please.”

Tommy looked up at his lover and nodded. Adam reached out entangling his fingers in Tommy’s hair. Tommy had gotten his lips back around the leaking length and as he felt fingers in his hair he moaned. He loved having his hair pulled and so it seemed his dick did too, pulsing in his jeans begging to be set free.

Adam had to close his eyes, the vibration of the noises Tommy was making would have him coming in seconds if he didn’t concentrate. Looking down he saw a blond head moving up and down his dick. He groaned, he couldn’t ever remember feeling this good. He could watch Tommy forever.

Pulling off Adam’s length he stood, kissing his man. “Go lay on my bed.” He watched as the dark haired man moved, legs clearly unsteady. He watched as his beautiful man lay down turning to face Tommy watching him through lust blown eyes.

Tommy pulled his t-shirt off dropping it onto the growing pile of clothes. He moved closer to his bed, unzipping his jeans as he moved, his dick was now painful and begging for release. He hoped he’d be able to last long enough to bury himself in his lover.

“Tommy you’re beautiful.” Adam smiled. He wanted so much to touch himself but he wanted Tommy’s touch more. He stared as Tommy’s shirt hit the floor, he gazed as the blonds jeans were opened releasing the hard member that was caged there.

Tommy didn’t want to rush, he wanted to make this so good for his man. Pushing his jeans and underwear down he stepped out of them leaving them in the middle of the floor. They weren’t important, Adam was the important one in his room this afternoon. As he climbed on his bed his eyes never left Adam’s, reaching into his bedside drawer for lube and condoms. Placing them on the pillow next to Adam he crawled between his boyfriends open legs. Leaning down he kissed the length licking at the pre come, tasting his lover.

“Tommy…please…”

“Ssh…not going to rush.” He reached for the lube and applying some to his fingers he smiled as Adam lifted his legs, planting his feet firmly on the bed.

Tommy had to be sure this is what Adam wanted. “You sure about this?”

“Never been more certain of anything since I met you…please.”

Tommy leant down kissing Adam’s lips lightly at the same time his finger found the tight puckered muscle surrounding Adam’s entrance. As it breached him, Adam’s hips lifted off the bed.

“Relax my beautiful man, not going to hurt you.”

“I know, it’s just been a very long time since…”

“You’re so tight, gorgeous, but if anytime you want me to stop tell me and I will.”

“N…no…want it…want you.”

Tommy kissed him again, Adam’s tongue asking for entry. As Tommy opened his lips accepting the request his finger pushed further into his lover. Adam was so tight it felt so good. Breaking the kiss Tommy looked down at the man beneath him, his eyes were closed his head pushed back into the pillow.

Tommy gently pulled his finger nearly all the way out then pushed back in causing beautiful sounds to escape an equally beautiful man’s mouth. Removing his finger until just the tip remained inside, he added a second before he pushed back inside.

“Aargh…feels so…nngh…good.”

Tommy couldn’t wait to be inside Adam, but he knew he needed more prep, he was tight and he didn’t want to hurt him. Pulling out again he hit the _oh so sweet_ spot that he knew would have Adam seeing stars. He wasn’t wrong. Adam screamed his name trying to push down harder onto Tommy’s fingers. Tommy added a third finger stretching his boyfriend open ready for his own very hard member.

When he thought Adam was stretched enough he reached for the condom, tearing the packet open he could feel eyes on him. Looking up he saw his lover watching every move he made. He should be embarrassed, no-one had watched him as Adam was doing now, but all he felt was love, love for a very special man.

Rolling the condom on his sensitive dick he transferred the remaining lube from his fingers onto his length.

“You sure?” He looked at the eyes that were transfixed on him.

“Mmm.” Was all Adam could muster. If Tommy didn’t get in him right now he’d be coming and embarrassing himself. He nodded.

Gently pushing inside he hesitated every few seconds making sure Adam was ok with everything. Seeing his lover grip the sheets, his eyes closed again, his head pushing back against the pillow, made Tommy’s heart swell, knowing this look was all because of him.

Bracing himself above Adam, Tommy began moving slowly in and out, waiting for the sound of Adam to tell him to stop. But it didn’t happen all the noise escaping the dark haired man’s mouth were deep growls, hot sexy noises making Tommy go faster, wanting the noises louder.

He speeded up, wanting this to last but also wanting to come so very badly, to feel Adam come, wanting to be able to taste his lover.

“F.U.C.K.! Tommy… not gonna…last.”

“Me…neither…want you to…fuck…come first. Come for me Adam…nngh…please.”

Tommy could feel his balls tightening, he was so close but he wanted to feel Adam clench around him push him over the edge. “Now Adam…please.”

Adam came so hard shooting hot liquid over his own stomach, over his chest. Tommy felt him clench around his highly sensitive dick and within seconds was coming hard, his senses whiting out. It took all his willpower not to collapse down onto his man.

He kept moving until he was empty and his dick was becoming sensitive. He looked down at Adam, a huge smile on his face.

Tommy pulled out gently, he’d never come so hard…ever. Gently removing the condom he tied it off, depositing it in the trash can at the side of his bed. Reaching for tissues he went to wipe Adam’s chest, instead he leant down and licked the mess away, tasting his lover. He heard Adam moan, looking up they again locked eyes.

Kissing each nipple, he moved up so he was face to face with his man. He kissed him allowing him to taste himself on Tommy’s tongue, in his mouth.

Pulling away, “hey.”

“Mmm hey baby.”

“You…um…are you ok?”

“Yeah Tommy, m’ok.”

“Was…was.” Adam stopped him talking, placing a finger over his lips.

“Thank you.”

“What for?”

“Making me feel alive again. Showing me I can do this and not get hurt.” Tommy looked questioningly at him. “Long story, I’ll tell you when I finally recover from that amazing love making.”

“Ok you don’t have to you know?”

“I know, but I want to, want you to know everything about me.” He yawned.

“Oh Adam, I fall in love with you more every day.” Tommy also yawned. “Don’t have to be at work for another 3 hours, let’s sleep then we can shower together.”

“Mmm, like the sound of that. I love you Tommy Joe.”

“I love you too. Now sleep, I’ll wake you with a kiss.”

“Mmm.” Adam’s breathing evened out telling Tommy’s he’d fallen asleep.

Tommy reached for his phone, set the alarm then wrapped his arms around his amazing boyfriend and slept.

^V^

Adam couldn’t understand what the noise was. He shifted his position and felt an ache, something he hadn’t felt for a very long time. He opened his eyes to see a blond head resting on his stomach. Tommy. He ran a hand through the soft blond hair, moving it away from his lovers’ face.

Tommy groaned, he really didn’t want to get up, he was comfortable and the gentle fingers in his hair felt good.

The alarm continued to blare, it was too loud for the peaceful situation he was in. He opened his eyes. “Nngh fucking alarm, be right back.” He turned, reached for his phone and thumbed the icon, silencing the noise.

“Hey baby, you look so beautiful when you’re asleep.”

“M’not, I dribble and snore.”

“To me you’re beautiful. Come here.”

Tommy turned over so he was on his side facing Adam. “How’re you feeling?”

“Good.” Adam smiled. “Thank you, I never thought I could feel like that ever again.”

“I didn’t hurt you did I?”

“No baby. I ache but it’s a gorgeous ache that reminds me what we did.”

“Thank you for trusting me. From some of the things you’ve said you haven’t let many people make love to you?”

Adam almost whispered. “No…no I haven’t. You and Alex are the only ones.”

“Can I…can I ask why?” Tommy stroked a hand down Adam’s cheek. As Adam leant into his hand, Tommy saw something flash across his lover’s face. “Adam if it’s too painful you don’t have to tell me.”

Adam took hold of Tommy’s hand and kissed his fingers. “I want to tell you, you deserve to know.” He kissed the fingers again then looked into Tommy’s eyes.  
“When I was 18 I knew I was gay, hell I knew before then, but I was with this guy, he was older than me and he said he loved me so I said yes when he asked if he could make love to me. He…he didn’t prep me enough, he just wanted me for sex. Well it hurt like hell, I thought he was splitting me in half. He didn’t care about getting me off either, he just wanted to make himself feel good. It was the worst experience of my life. I vowed never to put myself in that position again, that’s why I always top.”

“Oh Adam, I’m so sorry. Why…”

“Why did I let you…?” Tommy nodded. “I trust you. Trust you not to hurt me. Alex was the only other person I trusted enough to make love to me and then it wasn’t often.”

“Thank you. Shit Adam I didn’t think I could love you anymore than I do but…wow after that I can’t tell you how much…”

“I know how much baby. The way you took care of me, how good you made me feel. That showed me how much you love me”

Tommy moved closer to him and hugged him. “Thank you for trusting me.”

“It’s because I love you Tommy. It takes me a long time to trust most people but after you found me, saved me, I knew you would never hurt me no matter what we went through.

Tommy hoped that after the themed night at Bar 39 Adam would still say he trusted him.

Adam kissed him quickly, “Now…we had better go shower, you have to be at work in…an hour.”

“Mmm, but m’comfy.”

“I know baby, but you don’t want to lose your job.”

“No, you’re right.” Tommy untangled his legs from Adam’s and crawled out of bed. “So are you joining me or do I have to wash myself?” He wiggled his non-existent ass as he padded to his bathroom.

“Thought you’d never ask.” Adam threw the duvet off and followed his boyfriend.

Several minutes and screams of each others names as they came again, two very loved up men emerged from a steamy bathroom, towels wrapped around their waists.

“Tommy.” Adam wanted to ask him to come back to his after work, but he was worried he was being too demanding. He hesitated as he pulled his jeans on.

“Mmm.” Tommy was currently scrabbling through his closet looking for his work jeans.

“Tommy will you…” _If you don’t ask Lambert, you’ll never know_.

A shirt came flying out of the closet followed by Tommy holding his jeans. “Will I what?”

Adam watched as his boyfriend pulled on said jeans. “Will you stay with me again tonight…at…at mine?” Adam held his breath.

“If you’re sure you want me to, I _have_ been at yours all week nearly.”

“Oh, ok then.”

“Hey Adam look at me.” Adam lifted his head. “I’m only saying…fuck, m’not good at this.”

“S’ok if you don’t want…”

“Adam I want to be with you. I would like nothing more than to spend another night with you. I just thought you’d be wanting some time on your own.”

Adam moved over and wrapped his arms around him. “I’ve had too long being on my own. I like having you in my life, in my bed and I…” Adam couldn’t say anymore, Tommy was kissing the words out of his mouth.

“I’d love to spend the night with you. What about tomorrow, you do realise it’s Thursday and…”

“And I would love it if you came to visit Alex with me. That’s um…well if you…”

“It would be my pleasure. Would you then come with me and I’ll introduce you to my dad?”

“I would be honoured. Thank you.” Adam leant down and kissed his neck, nipping the skin at the juncture of his neck and collar bone, causing a low moan to escape the smaller man’s mouth. Adam didn’t let go, he kept sucking on the skin drawing blood to the surface knowing full well there’d be a red mark when he’s finished and it would be visible above the neckline of Tommy’s t-shirt.

Tommy could feel himself getting hard again. Nothing sent signals to his dick quicker than someone giving him a hickie. He pulled Adam closer, grinding against the taller man’s thigh.

Adam could feel Tommy’s length filling up. He wanted so much to take him back to bed and love him until the morning but he knew his boyfriend had to go to work.

Pulling away, “Oh baby, m’sorry, I’m going to make you late for work.”

“Not a problem, give me a minute.” Tommy reached for his phone, **M’sorry Craig gonna be about 20 minutes late, been working on the music for Friday. See ya soon**. He showed it to Adam.

“I hate that you’re lying to your boss because of me. Tell him please.”

Tommy’s phone buzzed. **Not a problem, I’m having fun behind the bar, see you soon**.

“See he’s fine with it.”

“But I’m not. Please Tommy, I want you to explain everything to him.”

“Ok, but only when there’s no one else around.”

“Thank you.”

“I’d better finish getting dressed otherwise I’m going to be even later.”

“What about…” Adam ghosted a hand over the front of Tommy’s jeans.

“Mmm we can deal with it later, m’fine. I just thought of my ex, she always has a negative effect on me.” He laughed, “But later, when I’m at yours you can do whatever you want to make him happy.”

“Oh!” Adam blushed at the images of all the different things he’d love to do to Tommy.

Tommy had finished dressing and was sat at his dressing table applying eye shadow and eye liner. Adam was mesmerised watching him.

“Something wrong Adam?”

“Um, no, you’re gorgeous Tommy Joe, and even more so now you’ve accented your beautiful eyes. But…”

“But what?”

“I’ve done it again, look.” He pointed to the bright mark.

“Don’t care. Tells people I’m taken and I love it.” He winked at his boyfriend.

“Oh, ok. I’d better finish getting dressed too.”

“You don’t have to rush. Take your time. I don’t mind if you want to stay here after I’ve gone, make yourself at home.”

“Thank you, but I want to drive you to work.” Tommy smiled and went to kiss him.

“That would be lovely thank you.”

The pair of them finished getting ready and Tommy threw some clean underwear and t-shirts into an overnight bag, picked up his keys, phone and guitar then they headed out to Adam’s car.

Ten minutes later they were pulling up in the parking lot of Bar 39.

“I’ll see you later baby.” Adam turned to face his boyfriend.

“I can get a cab you know?”

“I know, but I want to pick you up.”

“I’d like that. Ok, I finish at midnight.”

“K, I’ll come and find you.”

“Are you…um…are you sure?” Tommy didn’t want Adam risking anyone recognising him.

“Yeah baby, I’m sure. I’m fed up with hiding.”

“Wow, what’s brought this on. Not that I’m complaining, but what if…”

“If someone recognises me?” Tommy nodded. “Then we’ll cross that bridge if it happens. As for what’s brought it on, you Tommy Joe, you’ve made me see life is for living, not hiding and I’m ready to live again.”

Tommy pulled Adam close. “I love you so very much. You are the strongest man I’ve ever known and I’m proud to call you my boyfriend.”

“I love you too baby and I’m going to prove how much when we are alone tonight. When I went shopping today I bought you something that will show you how much you mean to me.”

“Oh Adam, I don’t have anything for you.”

“Yes you do. You showed me earlier I can let someone in and not hurt anymore. That’s enough for me.” He kissed the blond. “Now…go do some work and I’ll see you when you finish.”

Tommy smiled, kissed him and got out of the car.

Adam watched as Tommy headed into the club. He finally felt whole again. Nothing could go wrong now, not whilst he had Tommy in his life

 

tbc


	11. Chapter 11

Tommy’s night at Bar 39 was hectic, he’d never seen it so full on a Wednesday. He’d been trying most of the evening to talk to Craig about Adam but even Craig had had to help behind the bar.

“Craig, can I have a word with you?”

“I’d love to say yes TJ but can it wait?”

Tommy hesitated, he’d gone this long not telling his boss, he could wait a little longer. “Sure man not a problem.”

That was the only time he’d had to bring up the subject.

By the end of the night all of them were worn out. Mike locked the door after the last patron had left and then joined Craig, Tommy and their waiting staff in one of the booths.

“Wow, I’m knackered! What happened here tonight?”

“Not sure Mike, but let’s hope it keeps up. We want more nights like that.”

“Hey what’s this I hear about a themed night?” One of the waitresses asked.

“Oh yeah, sorry guys, meant to organise a proper meeting but with the rush tonight I completely forgot.”

“So, when is it?”

“Thought we’d start next week see how it goes, if it’s a success then we could do it once a month. That way people won’t get fed up with it.”

“Ok, so what are we dressing as?” Mike looked at his boss, hoping it wasn’t going to be too outrageous.

“Thought we’d start with an 80’s night, you know Glam Rock type thing?” Craig looked at Tommy who was smiling.

“So you’re saying we have to dress as rock stars from that era?”

“Only if you want to, but just wearing the style of clothes they wore then is also fine. Can’t see me dressing as Adam Ant really, can you?”

They all laughed and chorused “No!”

“Ok so besides dressing up, what else where you thinking of doing?”

“Tommy’s said he’ll get his band to play and if anyone wants to have a go at singing then we’ll do that too.”

Mike looked at his friend, he wondered if this had something to do with Adam. “Well I’m game, just don’t expect me to sing.”

“You are one person I wouldn’t want killing the songs.” Tommy smiled at his friend, ducking as a tea towel hurtled towards him.

“And you’re supposed to be my friend.” Mike laughed as Tommy gave him the finger.

Tommy’s phone rang. “Sorry guys, need to get this.” His friends watched as he moved away. “Hey, everything ok?...yeah m’finished just discussing an idea Craig has for next week…ok I’ll be out in five minutes just clearing up…no not yet it’s been crazy in here tonight…I promise I’ll tell him…yeah I love you too.”

A loud collective whistle travelled from the booth, Tommy blushed realising his friends could hear him.

“Yeah, they are supposed to be my friends…no I don’t mind…ok I’ll see you soon.” He hung up and as he turned to face the rest of them he saw them all smiling and cheering. “”What?”

“It’s great to see you happy TJ, we’re all really pleased for you. Although there is one thing?”

“What’s that Mike?”

“When do we officially get to meet this mystery man?”

“Um how about next week at the themed night, gonna ask him to come.”

“Good idea.” Mike winked at his friend.

“Craig I um…I need a chat with you at some point.”

“Sure Tommy, but right now your man is waiting for you, can it wait until Friday?”

“Yeah, sure.” He wanted to tell Craig before next week so Friday would have to do.

“Great, now go…be with him and don’t forget to say hi to your dad for me tomorrow.”

“Thanks Craig and no…I won’t.”

Tommy headed towards the door knowing he was being watched. He didn’t care, he was happy.

As he got in Adam’s car his boyfriend leant over and kissed him. “You ok baby?”

“Mmm just knackered. It’s been one hell of a crazy night tonight. Seems word’s getting around at how good the club is.”

“That’s great, I’m pleased for you all.”

“Can we go home? I need some sleep.” Tommy yawned.

“Sure.” Adam squeezed Tommy’s leg and pulled out of the parking lot. They’d only been travelling a few minutes when Adam glanced across, he smiled, Tommy had fallen asleep.

Pulling up outside his apartment block Adam felt reluctant to wake his man, but he couldn’t sleep in the car all night.

“Tommy, hey Tommy Joe.”

“Mmm.”

“We’re home, come on let’s get you inside and to bed.”

“Mm m’comfy.”

Adam laughed “you maybe now, but sleeping in my car is not recommended.”

“Mmm.”

Adam got out and went around to the passenger door. Opening it carefully, he didn’t want Tommy falling out. “Come on baby, let’s go inside.” He reached over, unclipping Tommy’s seat belt and carefully helping him out, he half carried him into his apartment. Depositing him on the sofa Adam watched as the blond curled up and fell asleep again.

“Oh Tommy, you are so beautiful, even when you’re asleep.” He leant down and pressed a kiss to the side of Tommy’s head. He couldn’t leave him uncovered so retrieving a spare blanket he removed Tommy’s creepers then covered the sleeping man.

^V^

Adam turned over and felt an obstacle in his way. He couldn’t understand what it was, he’d left Tommy on his sofa. Slowly opening his eyes he spotted the familiar mop of blond hair on the pillow next to him. Kissing the top of his head, Adam smiled, he hadn’t felt when Tommy had joined him in bed, but he was pleased he had.

Tommy stirred and opened his eyes. Turning to face Adam.

“Morning.”

“Morning baby. When did you join me?”

“Not sure what time, but woke up and was cold and lonely so came to join you. That…that was ok wasn’t it?”

“Of course. Now come here and kiss me.”

“Yeuk, have got horrible breath, don’t…” Adam pulled him close and kissed him.

“Don’t care, just want kisses from my boyfriend.”

“How about we continue this in your amazing shower?”

“I like the sound of that.” Adam climbed out of bed holding his hand out for Tommy to take.

Tommy had never felt so relaxed in his own skin as he was when he was naked in Adam’s presence.

Turning the shower on Adam waited until it reached a comfortable temperature then pulled his man underneath the spray. Washing, caressing and orgasms later they looked at each other. A smile crossing both their faces as they knew those weren’t going to be the only climaxes they would be having that day.

Wrapping towels around their waists they padded back into the bedroom.

“How are you Adam?”

“That’s a strange question Tommy, I’m good. I have you in my life, in my bed. What more could I want?”

“I…erm…was just thinking.”

Adam was just pulling his jeans on, “oh…about what?” He stopped and watched Tommy, a look of concern flashed across the blonds face.

“I mean…well today, us…going to…”

“Oh Tommy, I’m good, I’m fine about going to see Alex and taking you with me. You’re a part of my life and I want you there with me.”

“I just thought you might want to be on your own.”

“No, I want you at my side, it’s where you belong now.”

Tommy smiled, “m’sorry for doubting.”

“Don’t apologise. After everything that’s happened I understand how you must be feeling. It’s never easy losing someone and it’s never easy being with someone who has lost a loved one as I did with Alex. I only ask one thing of you…” Tommy looked curiously at his lover. “I don’t ever want you to change. I love you just the way you are.”

Tommy blushed and nodded. “Ok.”

“Do you want breakfast here or would you like to go out?”

“Here, want some time alone with you today, we’ll be at your mom’s tonight so want some time for us.”

“Ok, I’ll go put the coffee on whilst you finish getting dressed.”

“Adam.”

“Yeah baby?”

“I love you.”

“And I love you too Tommy Joe.”

Adam kissed him quickly and left him to get dressed. As he got to the kitchen he remembered he still hadn’t given Tommy his present.

Setting the dining table with the breakfast pots he placed the box on top of Tommy’s side plate. He wanted to see the look on his face when he sat down.

Coffee brewed, eggs scrambled, toast made, he waited as Tommy entered the kitchen.

“Can you help me carry these through to the dining table.”

“Sure but thought we were having it at the breakfast bar?”

“Felt like making it a special breakfast. So, here, you take these, I’ll bring the toast and the coffee.”

Tommy picked up the tray, added cutlery to it then followed Adam.

As he sat down and reached for his coffee he spotted the box on the plate. “What’s this?”

“My shopping expedition yesterday.”

“But it’s…” Tommy stared open mouthed at the Tiffany & Co box. “I…I can’t…”

“Yes you can Tommy, please open it and tell me what you think.”

Tommy’s hands were shaking as he picked up the turquoise box, a sheer silver bow tied around it holding it closed. He looked from the box to a smiling Adam. His heart beating so hard in his chest he thought it was going to come through his skin. Slowly he pulled on one end of the ribbon gently uncurling the bow. Placing the box on the table he looked up at Adam again who was still smiling at him, so much love radiating from his deep blue eyes.

“It’s not going to break.” He was excited to see what Tommy thought of his choice.

“I…wow, no-one’s ever bought me anything from…”

“But you’re worth it baby.”

Tommy lifted the lid. Sat on a bed of cream silk was a bracelet that consisted of 3 plaited leather straps. In the centre strap was a silver eternity symbol, a small silver heart dangling from each end of the sign. Engraved in a cursive script was the letter A on one heart and T on the other.

“Wow, this is beautiful, I…”

“If you say you don’t deserve it I won’t listen. After everything you’ve done for me it’s the least I can do to thank you and the infinity signs mean I’m yours forever.”

“Oh Adam, it’s…wow, thank you.”

“Here let me fasten it for you.” Adam took the bracelet from the blond and fastened it around his left wrist. “There…perfect.”

Tommy stood wrapped his arms around Adam’s neck and kissed him passionately. Tongue asking for entry and mapping the whole of Adam’s mouth once it was granted.

Coming up for air, “Adam I…I may never be able to buy you gifts like this. I…”

“And I’m not expecting you to. I’m very lucky that _I’m_ able to and I love buying presents for my boyfriend. So please, no more, I have all I want in you, you don’t have to prove how much you love me, I already know. You’re here in my bed with me, that’s enough.” Adam kissed him. “Now let’s go out get some breakfast, it appears our eggs have gone cold.”

They laughed. “Ok, but my choice, I know somewhere that does a mean bacon and egg.”

“Ok, lead the way Tommy Joe.”

Abandoning everything, they headed out, hand in hand.

As two full men emerged from the out of the way café they were still laughing at the shock on the owners face when he’d recognised Adam. Tommy had been scared that Adam would have bolted, but he was so proud of his boyfriend when he’d signed a napkin for the owners wife. The owner had promised not to say anything to anyone, he understood Adam’s need for privacy. Adam had left a large tip as they bid their goodbyes.

“I’m sorry Adam.”

“What for baby?”

“That guy recognising you.”

“Hey it wasn’t a problem. I’m bound to get people recognising me every now and then.”

“But weren’t…aren’t you worried more people are going to recognise you?”

“I’ll cross that bridge if and when it happens. I’m good at disguise, I love hats and have several different baseball caps. Remember the first time you saw me?”

Tommy smiled at the image of Adam. He’d been knelt down talking to Alex, a black cap pulled down, a hoodie pulled up over it. He hadn’t recognised him, (although he didn’t really know who he was back then), he hadn’t been able to see the beautiful face properly.

“I remember, I couldn’t see much of your gorgeous face.”

“And that’s how I’m going to keep hiding from the masses. I will sometimes meet people who will see through my disguises, but…I’ve been hiding for months now and I’m going to keep doing it, this time though I have you to love, so I’m not alone.”

Tommy saw sadness in Adam’s eyes. Was it because he was hiding? Was it because he was missing Alex? Or was it because he missed singing? Well if Tommy had his way he would show Adam that he could still sing and not get hurt.

“Tommy…hey Tommy Joe.”

“What? Sorry just thinking.”

“Anything you want to talk about?”

Tommy couldn’t tell him about his plan, so he had to think quickly. “Oh, about dad. I wish he could have met you he would have liked you.”

“Aww baby, I’m sure I would have liked him too, he sounded a great guy.”

“Yeah…yeah he was. I’m going to ring mom later, she should know I’m seeing you. That’s if…well if you don’t…”

“You should tell her and your sister. How about we invite them over for dinner on Sunday?”

“You…you wouldn’t mind?”

“Of course not, I’d love to meet them. How does that sound?”

“Yeah, I’d like that, thank you.”

“Good, now let’s go see our special guys.” Adam leant down and kissed Tommy lightly. Wrapping his arm around the blonds shoulders they headed towards the car.

Calling at the nearest florist for his usual red rose, Adam watched as Tommy bought a rose similar in colour to the one he’d left the other week. He smiled at how thoughtful his boyfriend was.

The journey to the cemetery was in silence both deep in thought about their loved ones.

“Adam.”

“Mmmm.”

“I’m…”

“You’re what?”

“It doesn’t matter. It can wait.”

“No baby, if it’s important then I want to know.”

“I have something I need to talk to you about, but now’s not the time. It can wait until after dinner tonight.”

“Sounds serious.”

“Not really, just an idea I want to put to you.”

“Ok, but you promise you won’t make any more excuses?”

“Yeah I promise.” Tommy was finding it difficult to keep his plan secret. He wasn’t usually this good at it but he needed support and he hoped Leila and Sutan would do just that.

As they pulled up in the parking lot Tommy spotted a familiar figure. “Adam can you just give me a minute, I’ll be right back.”

“Sure what’s wrong?”

“There’s nothing wrong, I just need to talk to someone.”

“Ok.” Adam watched as his boyfriend ran over to an elderly woman. He smiled as the blond became animated talking to her and his grin got wider as Tommy hugged the woman. He was curious to who this person was. Then he saw them heading back to the car.

Getting out Adam hesitated not knowing what Tommy had told her.

“Of course Mrs Griffiths I’m sure.”

Adam held his breath, releasing it slowly when he berated himself knowing Tommy wouldn’t hurt him.

“Hey Mitchel, please let me introduce you to Mrs Griffiths, she visits her husband and thinks you have an amazing voice.” Tommy moved over to Adam wrapping an arm around his waist. Adam noticed the smile that crossed the woman’s lips.

“Good Morning Mitchel, it’s so nice to meet the man behind the beautiful voice I keep hearing.”

Adam held out his hand as Mrs Griffiths gently shook it. “Good morning ma’am, thank you for your kind words. I’m pleased you liked what you heard.”

“That I certainly did young man and I love hearing your friend play his guitar too.”

Adam looked at Tommy who was now blushing a deep red. Adam draped his arm around Tommy’s shoulder, pulled him close and kissed him quickly. Tommy blushed even more, if it was even possible, and looked up to see what reaction they’d get from Mrs Griffiths. He was worried because not all of the older generation were ok with two men being together. But he needn’t have worried.

“Oh my, from that, do I take it you boys are together, you’re…?”

“Yes Mrs Griffiths Tommy is my boyfriend and…” he looked from the woman to Tommy and back, “and I love him very much.”

Tommy leant into Adam’s side.

“And Tommy honey, do I take it you love Mitchel?”

“Yeah…yes ma’am I do.”

The two men waited for her response.

“That’s wonderful, I’m so pleased for both of you. From something so sad…” She looked around the cemetery, “you have something beautiful. Congratulations to you both I hope your love lasts a long time.” She wiped away a tear.

“Oh Mrs Griffiths are you ok?”

“Yes Tommy I am, I’m just so happy for you both.”

“Thank you. I…we don’t always get acceptance from…” Adam paused, he didn’t want to upset this wonderful woman, but he needn’t have worried.

“You were going to say from someone of my generation weren’t you?”

“Yes ma’am, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be young man, I certainly know some who wouldn’t be ok with you loving each other. But I say we’re human and free to love whoever we want.” She smiled.

“Thank you, that means a lot to both of us.” Adam let go of Tommy to go and gently kiss Mrs Griffiths’ cheek.

She laughed, “oh my, it’s a long time since I had a handsome young man kiss me.”

“My pleasure.”

“Now boys, I’d better go and talk to my Derek, he’ll be wondering where I am.”

“You take care of yourself Mrs Griffiths and next time I play my guitar it’ll be for you and your husband.”

“Thank you Tommy. And it was so nice to finally meet you Mitchel. Take care of each other.” She turned and headed towards her Derek.

“We will, thank you.” But she was out of earshot.

“Why didn’t you tell her?”

“Tell her what Adam?”

“My real name?”

“Because I want to help you and you said it’s not time for you to say who you are.”

“Oh baby, you’re amazing thank you.”

“Nah, just Tommy Joe.”

“My Tommy Joe. Come on let’s go visit Alex.”

Tommy gripped Adam’s hand as they headed in the direction of Alex’s grave.

Adam knelt down as Tommy watched him brush away some dead leaves. It was, Tommy thought, as if Adam was caressing the headstone. He felt out of place, an intruder into something that was private between two lovers. He started to back away.

Adam sensed Tommy’s movement. “Stay…please.” He was quiet, almost whispering.

“I don’t want to intrude…it’s…”

“But I want you here. Please.” Adam looked up, Tommy could see tears in his eyes.

Kneeling beside his lover, Tommy kissed his cheek and brushed away stray tears. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“I…I miss him Tommy.”

“I know and I wouldn’t expect anything else.”

“But…but I’m with you, I…shouldn’t…”

“Adam, it’s ok, I understand.”

Adam turned to face the blond and kissed him gently.

Tommy put his rose next to the red one Adam had brought. “Hey Alex, it’s Tommy, Adam’s friend. Hope you didn’t mind me visiting with Adam today?”

Adam looked at his man, his heart swelled, here he was with his new boyfriend who he loved very much, and said boyfriend was talking to his previous lover as if they’d been friends for a long time. He didn’t think he could love Tommy anymore but this…his heart was aching with so much love.

“Adam is doing really well, he’s even been to see where I work. I…” he looked across at the dark haired man, “I promise you Alex I am not going to hurt Adam, he means too much to me.” He felt Adam’s arm go around his waist. He leant into it, he felt Adam take a deep breath.

“Thank you baby.” Adam kissed the side of Tommy’s neck. “Hey Alex, wow, how do I follow that? I…I have something important to tell you. Before I…oh boy…m’sorry, this is more difficult than I thought.”

“Do you want me to leave you alone?”

“No Tommy, please stay, I feel better with you here.”

“Ok.”

“Wow, oh Alex I loved you so very much and when…when you left me I never thought I’d be able to love anyone again. Well…” he took another deep breath. “…well I’ve fallen in love with the kindest most beautiful man around. I…that doesn’t mean I’ll ever stop loving you or missing you, but…well mom told me I had to carry on with my life and…and I see now that she’s right. You will never be far from my thoughts but I have another man who I…” he looked at Tommy “whom I love. Oh baby, I’m in love with Tommy Joe. I hope you’d approve, he’s saved me and well…we’re together. Thank you for being in my life and I’m so happy we had our time together, but…but I have to move on, try to get my life back together and I’m so pleased I have Tommy to help me. I wish…Oh Alex I wish there was a way I could know you approve of Tommy.”

Adams arm tightened around the blond as the wind gently moved the roses on the headstone.

“Oh baby, is that you telling me you approve?” Adam rested his chin on Tommy’s shoulder.

“Hey Alex, it’s Tommy again. M’not good with words, not like Adam, but I love him with all my heart and I promise I’ll look after him for you. I’ll make sure he talks about you. I’d love to hear about all the places you used to visit. Right…I’m going to let you two have some time on your own, I’m going to go and say hi to my dad. I wish I could have met you, but I feel I know you from everything Adam’s told me about you. Ok, so I’ll say goodbye for today and I know we’ll…I’ll be back another day for a visit.” Tommy squeezed Adam’s hands and went to stand up.

“Thank you Tommy Joe, that was beautiful just like you.”

“Hey m’only saying what’s true. Now take your time, I’m going to say hi to dad, come over when you’re ready.”

“Thank you baby, I’ll see you soon.” He kissed Tommy then watched as his lover headed to his fathers’ grave.

Tommy felt tears trickling down his face as he walked to his dad. He had promised Alex he’d look after Adam and that’s what he was going to do.

Brushing away the tears he took a deep breath and knelt down, staring at the inscription on his fathers’ headstone. _Loving husband and father_ it was hard enough losing his dad, he couldn’t begin to imagine what Adam had gone through losing a lover. He shuddered at the thought of being without Adam.

Tommy was deep in thought and didn’t feel or see Adam come up behind him until he felt two strong arms go around his waist.

“Hey Adam, are you ok?”

“I am now. Thank you for what you said to Alex. It was the most beautiful thing I’ve heard.”

“I meant everything I said. I’m here for you and I’m going to look after you, and if I ever overstep…”

“Ssshh baby, I know all those things and that’s why I love you. Now, are you going to introduce me to your dad?”

“Yeah, k.” Tommy turned in Adam’s arms and lightly kissed him.

“Hey dad, yep it’s Thursday again. Time seems to be flying by. I’m as busy as always and Craig’s thinking about getting the band to play another night, so we’re doing more live performances. We’ve had to get a new singer, remember Josh? Well he got a recording contract. But…well enough of that, I have some important news for you.” He felt Adam’s arms tighten around him. “You remember me telling you about a guy called Mitchel? Well it turns out that wasn’t his real name. it’s Adam and he’s the most gorgeous man I’ve ever met. He’s an amazing singer, has the kindest heart and…well dad I’ve fallen in love with him. We’re together and he loves me too. I know you’d probably not understand, your generation weren’t…anyway he’s here with me, wanted to come and say hello, hope that’s alright with you dad?” Tommy brushed some dead leaves from the headstone.

“Hello Mr Ratliff, I’m Adam. I expect Tommy has told you some things about me? Well I just want you to know I have your amazing son to thank for saving me. I wouldn’t be here if it hadn’t been for Tommy stopping me doing something stupid. But that’s in the past. He’s just told you that he loves me, well Mr Ratliff, I love him very much and I promise you I’ll look after him.” Adam squeezed Tommy tighter causing the blond to squeak and Adam to laugh.

“So dad, that’s me right now, I have an amazing job and a boyfriend whom I love very much. I hope…what I’m trying to say is I hope I’m not a disappointment to you. You know, not being able to give you grandchildren, gonna have to let Lisa do that, when she finds someone who’ll love her, quirks and all. M’sorry if I haven’t lived up to your expectations, but this is me and I’m in love with another man.” Tommy sniffed, he thought he’d cried all his tears, but he was feeling so much emotion today he couldn’t help it.

“Aww baby, sshh, it’s ok, I’ve got you.”

“M’sorry, it’s just…”

“I know and you don’t have to apologise, it’s been a tough day for both of us.”

“Thank you.”

“For what baby?”

“For being with me today.”

“I’m pleased you allowed me to be with you.” He kissed him again. “Now how about we go home, get a well earned drink and rest before we have to be at mom’s for dinner.”

“Mmm sounds good.”

Adam stood holding his hand out for Tommy to take.

Sliding his hand in Adam’s Tommy had a feeling everything was going to be alright. He loved Adam, Adam loved him, everything was going well at work and after their dinner tonight his idea for getting Adam singing again would be put into motion. What could go wrong?

^V^

Their journey home and the first few minutes in Adam’s apartment were subdued. Both men lost in their own thoughts of the events at the cemetery.

Tommy thinking about his dad and what he would think of his son’s relationship with a man. Adam lost in thought of what _could_ have been if Alex was still here and what he now had with Tommy.

Tommy watched as Adam poured their drinks. Taking a generous helping of Jack from him the blond took a mouthful feeling the amber liquid flow through him like lava from a volcano.

“I’m so proud of you Adam.”

“What for baby?”

“The way you dealt with that café owner and Mrs Griffiths. I was scared that you’d run and leave me.”

“M’not going to do that, you’re too precious to me. Besides that bracelet shows how much I think of you.”

Tommy placed his drink on the table and hugged his boyfriend. “I can’t imagine ever being without you now.”

“Good because I’m here to stay.” Adam kissed him gently, the blonds mouth opening allowing his lovers tongue to dance with his own.

Pulling apart when the need to breathe overtook them, Adam stared into his boyfriends eyes.

“Bed?”

“Mmm sounds a good idea.”

Taking his hand Adam led the petit man into the bedroom. Slowly, because the situation shouldn’t be rushed, they undressed, never taking their eyes from each other. Once naked Adam gently pulled Tommy down onto the bed.

“Want you to make love to me.”

“But…”

“I know baby, but want to feel you again. Need to feel you in me. Need to know that you’re not a dream.”

“Oh Adam, I’m definitely not a dream.”

“Then please make love to me.”

Adam had more tears in his eyes and Tommy wanted nothing more than to take that sadness away.

Reaching over to the bedside cabinet Tommy took the lube and condom from the drawer. Kneeling between his lovers’ legs he flipped the lid and poured enough lube onto his fingers to make things good for his man. He knew he was tight, knew he didn’t allow this often. Tommy felt so good knowing Adam trusted him.

Leaning down to kiss him Tommy inserted a finger making sure his boyfriend wasn’t hurting in any way.

“Nngh feels so good baby, thank you.”

“Sshh, relax. Gonna make you feel even better.” He kissed him again at the same time adding a second finger.

Tommy sat up, he wanted to watch as his fingers disappeared into his lover. There was nothing hotter, in Tommy’s eyes, as any part of his body making its journey into his man. Seeing the fingers disappear caused Tommy to moan, his own dick wanting release, but he wasn’t going to touch himself he wanted to be inside when he came. He often wondered what it would feel like without a condom, but that would happen one day.

“More…need more…please.” Adam’s head was back in the pillow, his eyes closed.

“Relax, gonna make you feel so good.” Tommy leant down and kissed Adam adding a third finger stretching his lover ready for its prize.

Tommy watched as Adam’s mouth fell open, no sounds coming from it. Removing his fingers, Adam’s entrance was ready enough to take his throbbing member.

Adam moaned, he felt empty, he needed Tommy inside him, he needed to feel whole again and Tommy was the man to do that.

“N…need you…in…inside…”

“Ssh soon.” Tommy rolled on the condom, using the remainder of the lube to slick it up. He never wanted to hurt Adam, he just wanted to give him pleasure.

“Open your eyes Adam, want you to watch me as I disappear inside you.” Tommy was close and he knew he wouldn’t last long.

Adam opened his eyes, looking down he saw his own dick leaking and Tommy smiling at him ready to bury himself deep inside his lover. He’d never seen anything so beautiful as Tommy poised waiting to make love to him.

“I love you baby.”

“I know, I love you too.” Tommy lined himself up and gently pushed the tip inside.

“Nngh…so…good.”

“Gonna make you feel even better.” Tommy pushed further until he was fully seated.

“You ok?”

“Mmm…move…not…not gonna break.”

Tommy slowly pulled out, not wanting to hurt Adam, but the look in his lovers’ eyes told him that he wanted this hard and fast. He pushed back with a force that moved Adam up the bed, his head mere inches from the headboard. Adam moaned low nearly growling. Tommy kissed the growl from Adam’s lips.

Tommy wanted this to last, but he knew he was very close to the tipping point, he wanted Adam to come first.

“Touch yourself Adam, let me see you come, want to hear you scream my name.” Tommy never knew he had such talk in him, he’d never been this vociferous with his girlfriends, but Adam…he released something inside him.

“Nnngh…Tommy I love it when…fuck…when you shoot your mouth off.”

“Gonna be shooting more than my mouth in a minute.”

Adam tried to say something but all that escaped his mouth was a scream and Tommy’s name as his orgasm hit him full force.

Tommy felt Adam clench around him and within seconds was shooting his seed in the condom. As Adam’s dick became sensitive his hand slowed down, finally stopping when he couldn’t bear the touch anymore. Tommy smiled he loved this man so very much.

Gently pulling out he lay on his side watching his lover, their breathing slowly getting back to normal.

“You ok?”

“Mmm yeah Tommy, I’m good.”

“Gonna go get a cloth, clean you up.”

“In a minute baby, cuddle me please.”

Tommy removed the condom, tied it off then dropped it into the trash bin. Turning back to face his lover he wrapped his arms around Adam’s waist.

“Are you sure you’re ok Adam?”

“Yeah, m’just thinking.”

“Oh, anything I should be worried about?”

Adam pulled him closer, “No baby, I’m just thinking about everything that’s happened this last few weeks. Meeting you, falling in love with you, singing for you, I never thought I’d do that again.”

“And is that such a bad thing?”

“If you’d have asked me a couple of months ago I would have said yes, it’s what took Alex from me.”

“But now?”

“Now I have you, I feel safe singing for you, with you. I just…”

“You don’t feel safe singing for other people, I’m right aren’t I?”

“Yeah and I’m sorry I ran the other day when Craig caught me. I felt so stupid.

“Hey it’s ok, nothing bad is going to happen. I’ll be here for you.”

“I know you will baby.” Adam kissed the top of Tommy’s head. “Shower?”

“Mmm in a minute, comfy.”

Adam smiled he’d never known anyone so sleepy after they’d had sex, as much as Tommy. He wasn’t angry or disappointed in him, in fact he was just the opposite. He knew his lover was comfortable with their relationship and he never wanted him to change. Kissing his head again, Adam closed his eyes and like Tommy was asleep in a few short minutes.

The sound of Adam’s phone ringing woke them. Adam reached for it aware that Tommy was still sprawled across him.

“Nnngh who’s that?”

“I won’t know until I answer it.” He moved and felt the dried come pull on his skin. He knew they should have showered, but he smiled at the memory it triggered.

Grabbing his phone, “yeah…oh hi mom…no everything’s fine why?...shit…sorry mom…no didn’t realise what time it was…um no just been erm, busy and lost track of time…sure not a problem we’ll be there in 45 minutes…yeah Tommy’s here with me…Mom!...we erm…ok love you too see you soon.” Adam disconnected then threw the phone on the bedside table.

Tommy, hey baby we need to shower, that was mom.”

“Yeah I gathered that, what’s wrong?”

“It’s 5.30 and we said we’d be at hers for 6.”

“Fuck, m’sorry, didn’t realise we’d slept so long.”

“Not a problem I like sleeping with you.” He smiled at the blond.

“What’s your mom going to think?”

“Oh she already has an idea what we were doing.”

“But…what…how…”

“When she asked if you were here and I said yes, she asked if you’d worn me out in bed or if it was the other way around.”

“Fuck. How am I going to face your mom now? She’s going…shit!” Adam laughed “so not funny Adam. I’m not going.”

“Oh baby, she’s fine with it. In fact if I know my mom she’ll positively encourage it. She knows what I’m like when I’m in love. She knows I find it difficult to keep my hands off a beautiful man.” Tommy blushed. “Mom is amazing so don’t be embarrassed.”

“My mom would have a fit knowing what we’ve done. She says she’s ok with me being Bi, but I’m not so certain. I know she wants to see me happy.”

“And are you?”

“Yeah I am…very.”

“Good. I’m sure she’ll see that on Sunday. Now, come on, we really do need to get to mom’s otherwise I can see her sending Sutan here to drag us out of bed.”

“Nngh.” Tommy hid his head under the pillow. Adam laughed. “Now I’m definitely going to be embarrassed, I’d forgotten Sutan would be there too.” Adam laughed louder, Tommy smiled, he loved hearing his boyfriend laugh.

“Come on baby, quick shower then let’s go get something to eat.” Adam climbed out of bed waiting for Tommy to surface then hand in hand they headed for a hot shower.

“Need to ring mom and Lisa about Sunday.”

“Ok baby, you can do that whilst I drive us to mom’s.”

“Thank you.”

“You keep saying that, what for this time?”

“Letting mom and Lisa come here.”

“My pleasure.” Adam gently washed Tommy’s hair.

“I really should go back to mine at some point. I don’t want to outstay my welcome.” He felt Adam stop massaging his scalp. “What’s wrong Adam?”

“But I like having you here.”

“And I like being here, it’s just…I’m running out of clean clothes and I really should…”

“Move in with me!”

“What?” Tommy turned.

“I asked you to move in with me.”

“But…we’ve only…”

“I know, but we love each other, we’ve spent a full week together and…well…I would like it if you were here all the time. If…if you want to be.”

“I…wow. I don’t know what to say.”

“Say yes baby.”

“Can I…oh Adam, please don’t be mad with me…but…but can I think about it. It’s a huge step for both of us.” He saw Adam’s face drop. “Hey, I’m not saying no…I just…” He took a deep breath, “look how about I still keep my place, but I move in here. Then if we get on each others’ nerves and need space, I can always go to mine.” He looked into the deep blue eyes.

“Ok, I’ll agree with that, but you must talk to me, tell me if I’m being overbearing, I don’t want to lose you.”

“And you won’t. We’ve only known each other a short time, I don’t want to push things too quickly.”

“Yeah, you’re right. M’sorry.”

“I want to be with you, let’s see how things go the next couple of weeks and if everything is good I’ll sell my apartment.”

“I like that idea. Oh Tommy, this is why I love you so very much. You’re the sensible one.”

Tommy laughed, “Not always Adam. So, are we good?”

“Yeah baby we are. Come on let’s go for dinner.” Adam kissed him gently realising not for the first time, how lucky he was.

^V^

“Don’t worry mom, I’ll pick you both up…no it’s Adam’s idea…yes mom he does want to meet you both…no mom I’m not going into it on the phone…please just wait until Sunday…ok hang on…” he turned to Adam, “what time shall I pick them up?”

“How about 4 o’clock that way we can all sit and talk whilst the dinner cooks.”

“Ok thanks. Hey mom Adam says how does 4 sound?...great I’ll pick you both up from yours…no I’ve not rung Lisa yet wanted to ask you first…ok you can ring her…look we’ll talk on Sunday…yeah I’ve got lots to tell you…no nothing bad…ok mom see you at 4 on Sunday love to you and Lisa…bye…” He hung up and sighed.

“Everything ok baby?”

“Mmm mom’s just being her usual _are you sure about all of this…is it really what you want_ self. I should be used to her by now, but…but I should have realised what she was like she did it with the girlfriends I had too.” He rubbed his eyes, “m’sorry I’m not going to think about Sunday anymore tonight, I just want to enjoy your mom’s amazing cooking and having a good time.”

“Well I’m here if you want to talk baby. I don’t like seeing you upset.”

“When I first told her about you she was pleased I’d found someone but I don’t think she realised what us being together really meant. She says she’s ok with me being Bi but…oh I don’t know Adam, I hope she accepts us for who we are.”

“Look let’s not think about that just yet. _We_ know we’re happy and if she can’t see that and understand then we have to show her that we’re forever and this…” he pointed to the bracelet, “this will show her that we’re staying together.”

Tommy smiled and squeezed Adam’s thigh.

“Keep doing that and we will be even later arriving at mom’s, then how will we explain it?”

The tension was broken by their laughter.

As Adam pulled up in his mothers’ driveway Tommy saw the front door open, Leila standing grinning at her son and his boyfriend.

“Shit, m’not going in!”

Adam laughed, “Oh baby, she’s not going to bite. Come on I’ll protect you.” Adam got out and as they walked up to the house he wound his arm around Tommy’s waist.

“About time boys. I was beginning to wonder where you were and if you were ok.”

“We’re good mom, and I’m sorry for being late.” He hugged Tommy closer.

“Well honey, when you’ve got a beautiful blond in your bed, I’m not surprised you didn’t want to get out.” Leila laughed when she saw Tommy blush and bury his head in the crook of Adam’s neck.

“Nngh” was all he could muster.

“Mom, stop embarrassing my boyfriend.”

“Hey, that’s what mom’s do.” She laughed again. “Come on boys let’s go eat. Sutan’s been here a while so be warned.”

Tommy groaned again. They followed her into the kitchen where Sutan was pouring wine.

“Well it’s about time you two arrived. But I can understand why you can’t keep your hands of this gorgeous man. If he was mine I wouldn’t want to get out of bed either. Hope you’re giving each other great sex!”

“Fuck!” Tommy whispered as Adam laughed.

“You’re just jealous Sutan, I have a great man in my life.” Adam kissed Tommy.

“Oh please boys, I’d say get a room, but you’ve probably been at it like rabbits all afternoon.” Sutan grinned as he handed Adam his wine.

“Sutan you’re an evil bitch. I…”

“But you love me all the same, and you wouldn’t want me to change…admit it.”

“Yeah, yeah, I love you.” Adam smiled, “so…when do we eat?”

“Adam Mitchel Lambert, is that all you think about?”

“No mom, but your cooking is amazing.”

“No Leila, he thinks where he’s going to have sex with his man next. I bet they’ve christened…”

“Sutan Amrull, where and when my son and his boyfriend have sex is no business of ours!”

“Thanks Leila.”

“Not a problem Tommy.” She smiled and the colour in Tommy’s cheeks darkened. “Now, before this conversation gets any more x-rated let’s go eat.”

Leila led them through to the dining room, Tommy noticed more pictures of Adam and Alex and felt pang of sadness. Not only did Adam miss him but so did his mom. He realised how much the young man was loved. He could never replace him, not that he wanted to, but he hoped one day the family would love him in a similar way.

“Hey Tommy, you ok?”

“Mmm sorry, what did you say?”

“Are you ok?” He nodded. “So how about helping me bring the food through?”

“At your service.” He tried to smile but Leila saw it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Tommy you were miles away in there, is there something bothering you?”

“It’s just…well I saw all those photos of Adam and Alex and…well I’ll never be able to…”

“Oh Tommy” Leila put down the plates, “you are the best thing that’s happened to Adam for a very long time. He loves you and you make him happy. None of us would ever want you to feel like this. What they had was special to them. What you have with my son is special to you both. I can see how much you love him. Enjoy what you have, just live for every day together.”

“I’m scared Leila.”

“What about honey?”

“That I’m not good enough for him. That this themed night is not such a good idea.”

“Come here.” She held out her arms, Tommy went in for a Lambert hug. “He wouldn’t be with you if you weren’t good enough for him.”

“But I only work in a bar, he’s…well he’s an amazing singer.”

“Ssh, you’re a musician and that counts for a lot.”

“But…”

“No buts Tommy. He doesn’t love lightly. It’s taken him a long time to fall in love before he met you. The time it’s taken with you tells me this is right for him. You are right for him. As for this themed night, does Adam know about it?”

“No, not yet.”

“Then let’s go eat and we can talk about it over dinner.” She kissed his cheek, pulled away and smiled.

“Hey mom, what’re you telling my boyfriend?”

“Nothing sweetie, we’re just coming.”

Tommy smiled, “Thank you.”

“My pleasure honey, and remember if you ever want to talk, I’m here for you.”

“Thank you.” Tommy kissed her cheek, picked up the plates and headed back to the dining room.

“At last, we thought you’d both gone out to dinner and left us without any food.”

“Aww is my boyfriend hungry?” Tommy waggled his eyes, an evil grin on his face.

“Boys please, you’ll put me off my food, all this sex talk.”

“We…but…”

Sutan burst out laughing. “Tommy I’m kidding, I couldn’t be happier for you.”

Tommy smiled, “Thanks Sutan.”

“Right boys, dinners served.” Leila brought the food through.

“Mmm smells good as always mom, thank you.”

“My pleasure, now help yourselves, there’s desert too.”

As they tucked into roast chicken with all the trimmings Leila watched her eldest son and smiled each time she caught him watching Tommy.

They had nearly finished the main course when Sutan spoke. “So Tommy, how’s work going?”

Tommy knew he’d have to bring the subject up, he just wasn’t ready for it being so soon. “Oh…um…great thanks.” _Here goes Ratliff it’s now or never_. “We’ve got our new singer Matt, he starts tomorrow night and Craig, the owner, has a few new ideas up his sleeve. The club’s doing really well and he wants to make it something different to other places.”

“You’ve never said anything baby. What’s he want to do?”

Tommy took a deep breath, “He’s come up with a crazy idea of themed nights.”

“Sounds like fun, what kind of themes has he chosen?”

Tommy looked at Sutan, he saw the man wink. “Oh he’s got this crazy idea that an 80’s night would be fun and people could dress up if they wanted to.”

“Sounds a great idea vayvee. So who’re you dressing up as?”

“Not thought about it much, don’t want to make a fool of myself.”

“Aw vayvee, I could help you, how about you come around to Raja’s and I’ll see what I’ve got.”

“Um…well…I don’t know.”

“Aw go on baby, I’ll come with you. I’d love to see you dressed up.”

This was Tommy’s chance. “On one condition.”

“What’s that?”

“You dress up too. Come to the themed night. Listen to us play.” Tommy held his breath.

“I don’t know Tommy, what if…”

“By the time Raja has finished with you vayvee no one will recognise you. That’s what you were going to say. What if someone recognises you?” Adam nodded. “If I promise to do your costume and make up so no one will recognise you, will you go?”

Adam looked at Tommy. “I…”

“Oh Adam, you don’t have to if…”

“No, Sutan’s right. I should go and support my boyfriend.”

“Only if you want to.” Tommy put a hand over Adam’s.

“Yeah, I’m sure. Ok Sutan, I’ll do it.”

Sutan winked at Tommy, “that’s set then. When is this night going to happen?”

“Wednesday next week.”

“Ok so how about you both come around Sunday and I’ll…”

“Sorry can’t Sunday, I’m cooking dinner for Tommy’s mom and sister.”

“Wow, you are going all domestic. Next you’ll be saying Tommy’s moving in with you.” Tommy blushed. “Oh…you, wow have you already?...”

“No mom, but I have asked him and well…” He put an arm around the blonds shoulders, “he’s going to keep his own apartment, but we’re going to give it a go…but…”

“Congratulations, I’m pleased for you.”

Adam blushed, “it’s a trial, he’s not getting rid of his apartment in case we need space.”

“But it’s wonderful news Adam.” Leila went behind them and hugged them both. As she did she spotted Tommy’s bracelet.

“That’s nice Tommy.”

“Thank you, Adam bought it for me.”

“Ooo is my vayvee buying his lover presents? Here let Sutan see.” Tommy held his arm out. “Nice, what…oh!” Sutan saw the two hearts.

Adam blushed. “I thought so too, I wanted to let Tommy Joe know my love is forever.”

“And it’s beautiful, just like the both of you.”

“Thank you Sutan.”

“So when are you going to come sort out your costumes?”

“How about Monday morning, say around 11?” Adam looked at Tommy who nodded.

“Sounds good to me…”

“Now, who’s for desert?”

A chorus of _me please_ had Leila laughing and heading to the kitchen.

Tommy excused himself and followed, saying he would help her.

“Hey Tommy everything ok?”

“Yeah, so far. I was worried back there, I thought Adam would have said no.”

“Oh Tommy you clearly don’t know my son when it comes to dressing up. He’s loved it since he was a small child. His dad and I used to buy him all different kinds of things. He loved, and still does love, hats. If ever there was an excuse for him to put a costume on he was first in line.”

“Let’s hope he goes with what Sutan and I have in mind.”

“Oh, what’s that?”

“Well so I don’t get confused and call him Adam when I should be calling him Mitchel.” He saw the questioning look on her face, “my colleagues don’t know who he really is. Anyway, so I don’t forget we came up with Adam Ant.”

Leila laughed, “That sounds great.”

“Hey, why don’t you come too? I’m sure Adam wouldn’t mind.”

“I may just do that. Mmm I’ll have to think of a costume.” She handed Tommy the dishes as she picked up the Strawberry Pavlova, and headed back to the boys.

The remainder of the evening was spent drinking and laughing. Leila watched her son and smiled every time he gently touched Tommy or watched him when the blond wasn’t looking. She would be eternally grateful to Tommy Joe Ratliff for saving her son.

Tommy yawned. “M’sorry, it’s been a long day.”

“That’s ok, look why don’t you all stay here tonight, you’ve all had a drink and I’d hate you to get stopped on the way home.”

“Thanks mom, if you’re sure?”

“Yeah I am. It will be nice to cook you breakfast in the morning.”

“Thank you Leila.”

“Yeah, thank you pretty lady.”

“Sutan you’re a sweet talker.” Laughter ensued. “Ok boys, Sutan you can have Neil’s room, Adam will you and Tommy be ok in your single bed?”

“Oh Leila please, my poor brain, you can’t imagine the images that conjours up. I’m never going to be the same again.”

Tommy groaned, Adam pulled him close and kissed him.

“Boys please, am I going to need ear plugs?”

“No Sutan, you’re not. We’re going to sleep.” Adam kissed him again.

“Well we may cuddle a bit but…”

“Eww, too much information.” Laughter rang out as Adam threw a cushion at his friend.

“You’re only jealous that I’ve got a gorgeous man in my bed.”

“Boys, boys behave. Come on let’s go to bed, pancakes for breakfast?”

A resounding yes please had them in fits of giggles again as they headed for their respective rooms.

Tommy had crawled under the duvet and was watching Adam as he undressed. “Come on slow coach, I need warming up.”

“Mmm sorry Tommy, was thinking.”

“And you tell me off for thinking. What’s wrong?”

“Oh nothing really. I was just wondering what to dress up as for your 80’s night.”

“Does that mean you’re definitely coming?”

Adam squeezed into the bed, cuddling his lover. “Yeah I’m coming. I would love to hear you play properly.”

“But you’ve heard me.”

“I know, but not with an audience. I want to see what they think to my boyfriend.”

“And you’re not worried about someone recognising you?”

“You said it yourself, if I’m in costume and maybe, oh I don’t know, a hat or make up, then they won’t know who I am.”

“I love you Adam. I haven’t told Craig yet. I haven’t had time, sorry. Mike will be the only person who knows, and he won’t say anything.”

“I love you too Tommy. I do want you to tell Craig, but I understand you’re busy. Look if you want leave it until after next week. I don’t mind.”

“I’ll tell him as soon as I can. Now…I really do need to sleep. We can talk about who you can go as in the morning.” He yawned. “Maybe your mom or Sutan have an idea.” He snuggled closer to Adam.

“Yeah…sounds good.” Adam yawned too. “Sleep sounds good and…” Tommy wasn’t listening, he’d fallen asleep. Adam kissed him gently, held on to him tightly and fell asleep.

 

tbc

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies in advance. I may not be able to post every week from now on. I will try my hardest to get them to you as soon as I can. I hope you'll stay with me on this, I'm loving writing it and I hope you're still loving reading it. Thank you xx


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday zazajb, this one's for you xx

There was a soft knock at the door. Adam mumbled “Come in.”

“Morning honey, I’m just going to start the pancakes, you boys have ten minutes before Sutan eats them all.”

“Ok mom, I’ll wake Tommy…”

“Already awake, food does that to me.” He laughed.

“Morning Tommy, we’ll see you both shortly?”

“Mmm see you in a few minutes.”

Leila closed the door.

“Oh boy, can my embarrassment get any worse?”

“What do you mean baby?” Adam reluctantly extracted himself from the warmth of Tommy’s body.

“Now your mom’s seen me in bed with her son and neither of us had any clothes on.” Tommy pulled the duvet over his head.

“Mom doesn’t mind, she wouldn’t have suggested us using my old room if she did. She knows I sleep naked and I’m sure she guessed you would too. Besides we’re in love and she wouldn’t expect us to do anything else.” He pulled the duvet from Tommy’s face and lightly kissed him.

“Nngh still embarrassing.”

There was another knock at the door.

“Yeah mom, we’re just coming.”

“Ew boys if you’re _coming_ I’m going, way too much information for my delicate ears first thing in a morning.”

Adam giggled, “Oh Sutan, come in, I meant we’re on our way.”

The door opened slightly, “I’m not coming in, don’t want to be scarred for life, but Leila says if you don’t hurry up there’ll not be any pancakes left. And I agree, they’re heaven. So boys, stop playing with one another and come and eat.”

Sutan tried to close the door but Adam was too quick for him, pulling it wide open. “Sutan we love you but I won’t be happy if you eat all the pancakes.”

“So get your gorgeous asses down to the kitchen.” Sutan made to cover his eyes “Oh my, too much flesh, it’s going to spoil my appetite.” He turned and left as both Adam and Tommy fell about laughing.

“So baby, want to taste my mom’s amazing pancakes?”

“I’d rather taste you, but I can wait for that until later.” He threw the duvet off and smiled when he saw Adam watching his every move. “What?”

“Oh, just drinking in your beautiful body. A body that tonight is all mine.”

“Sorry lover, m’working tonight remember? It’s Matt’s first night and I don’t finish until 1am sorry.”

Adam put his arms around the blonds waist. “What about afterwards?”

Tommy really did need to go back to his apartment, he was running out of clean clothes. “I…um…please don’t be mad.”

“How can I ever be mad with you, what is it?”

“I…fuck, I really need to go home, I’m running low on clean clothes, well underwear, and…I…m’sorry.”

“Hey, I understand, don’t apologise baby, I just love having you stay at mine.”

Tommy turned in Adam’s arms. “I have an idea.”

“Oh?”

“Mom and Lisa are coming to yours for dinner on Sunday, how about I move in then? I’ll spend Saturday sorting my place out and packing a few things, then, Sunday morning I’ll bring everything around and…” He couldn’t say anything else as Adam had kissed the remaining words from his mouth.

“Oh baby, that’s music to my ears. I love you so very much. Thank you.”

“You might not be saying that when I’ve left my mess all around your apartment.”

“No, but it’ll show that you’re comfortable where you are, and besides…who’s to say I don’t leave my stuff lying around too.”

“So, Sunday it is then.” Tommy kissed him. “We’d better go get some pancakes before Sutan eats them all.”

“You’re right. Sutan _will_ eat them all if we don’t hurry. And Tommy…”

“Mmmm?”

“Can I tell them you’re definitely moving in with me?” Adam had the biggest smile Tommy had ever seen and it reminded him of a kid on his birthday.

“Sure, tell them, I want people to know how much I love you.”

Adam took his hand and together they headed for the delicious smelling food.

Leila and Sutan watched as the two men entered the kitchen hand in hand.

“Finally, what kept you…on second thoughts I don’t think I want to hear about the sex you’ve just had.”

“Sutan, we haven’t had time for sex, but we did have time to talk.”

“Oh!” Leila looked concerned. “Is there…”

“No mom, nothing’s wrong. In fact things couldn’t be better.” Adam pulled Tommy closer. “My beautiful man here is moving in with me officially on Sunday.”

“Congratulations honey, I’m so pleased for you.”

“Thanks, we’re going to tell Tommy’s mom and sister Sunday evening when they come for dinner.”

“How do you think they’ll react?”

“Not sure, my mom says she’s ok with me being Bi, but I just…well I don’t know.”

“If you want me to talk to her let me know.”

Tommy disentangled himself from Adam’s arms and went to hug Leila. “Thank you, that means a lot to me.”

“And you mean a lot to my son, so thank you.” She kissed his cheek.

“Ok so now we’ve established who’s living where, can we eat? I’m starving.” Sutan looked so serious the rest of them just couldn’t help but laugh.

Breakfast was a relaxed affair, each talking about costumes they could wear for the 80’s night. Tommy kept glancing at Sutan who winked and then said, “How about Adam Ant vayvee, I could…”

“Wow Sutan, that sounds great.” They all looked at Adam. “hey I’m only saying I like that idea.”

“In that case sweetie, instead of leaving it until Monday how about you come to Raja’s tonight and after the show we could sort out your costume.”

“I’m working tonight so that would be a good idea, keep him out of mischief.”

“But if he’s with Raja sweetie, he could get up to mischief.”

“I know, but I’m hoping you, Sutan, will stop him getting into mischief!” Tommy giggled.

“I have an idea too.” Leila said. “How about I go to Raja’s tonight also, that way I could stop both of them getting into mischief and…I could sort out a costume for myself at the same time.”

“Leila, I love you, thank you.” Tommy left his place and went to kiss her.

“Hey you’re supposed to love me.” Adam tried to pout.

“I do lover, I do, but I love your mom too.”

They finished breakfast and cleared away. Sutan then making his excuses he had to go start looking for their costumes. He’d decided Raja’s could do without him next week, he wanted to hear Tommy play.

Not long after Sutan left Adam and Tommy bid Leila goodbye too, promising to let her know how things went with Tommy’s mom and sister.

They each kissed her goodbye and she watched as two very much in love men got in their car and drove away.

^V^

The remainder of the day saw Tommy collecting his dirty washing from Adam’s and heading back to his own apartment with the promise of ringing him before he went on stage that night.

“M’gonna miss you baby.”

“And I’m gonna miss you too. But I do need to sort out my place.”

“I know, but it’s not long until Sunday. Have you decided what you’re going to say to your mom and Lisa?”

“Not yet. Was thinking of playing it by ear and see what the atmosphere is like over dinner.”

“Do you think there’ll be problems?”

“I’m hoping not. Oh I don’t know. I don’t really want to think too much about it. The more I think, the more I’ll tell myself it’s not a good idea to invite them here.”

Adam pulled Tommy close. “Whatever you decide is fine by me. I’m here for you and not going anywhere.”

“Think I’ve heard that before, although it was me saying it to you.”

“Yeah, and I mean it as much as you do.” He kissed him.

“I really should go.” Before he extracted himself from Adam’s arms he wound his own around the taller man’s neck and kissed him again. “I love you and I want them to understand how much. You’re a part of my life now and nothing or no-one is going to separate us.”

“Promise me something Tommy?”

“Anything.”

“Ring me after work tonight. I want to hear your voice before I go to sleep.”

“Of course I’ll ring you. Now, I must go. I’ll see you Sunday morning. I love you Adam.”

“And I love you too baby. I’ll see you on Sunday.”

Tommy picked up his guitar and headed to his car.

Adam watched him, he was already feeling lost without the blond in his home. But he knew it wasn’t for long.

As he closed his door he thought about Alex for the first time since their visit to the cemetery the previous morning. Going over to the photograph on the table “Hey Alex, I’ve asked Tommy to move in with me and he’s said yes. Oh baby, I love him so much. He really does understand what we had and that’s why I love him. I’m never going to forget you and Tommy doesn’t want me to either. But I’m ready to move on. Thank you for being a part of my life Alex I will always carry a part of you in my heart.” He touched the photograph then went to pour himself a glass of wine. He was ready to start facing everyone again and he had Tommy to thank. The only ghost now, was his singing. He didn’t know what he wanted to do about that. He thought he’d never sing again, but he enjoyed singing with Tommy, so maybe that’s what he would do. He still had time to decide. No one was pressuring him. Getting comfortable on his sofa he dialled Neil and when he answered he told him everything about Tommy.

^V^

Tommy’s night was crazy but he was on a high from playing. Matt had been amazing and the crowd were shouting for more. They’d definitely picked the right singer again. Some people had asked where Josh was going and wished him well even telling him that they’d love to hear what he was getting up to and when could they buy his album.

As Tommy was putting his guitar away Ashley startled him.

“Hey TJ.”

“Fuck Ash, don’t creep up on a guy like that.”

“Sorry Tommy.”

“S’ok, was miles away.”

“Oh, is everything alright?”

“Yeah, I hope so.”

“Wanna talk about it?

“Nah, I’ll be ok, just got mom and Lisa, that’s my sister, coming around to Mitchels on Sunday for dinner.”

“And the problem?”

“I’ve told them I’m Bi but I don’t think they really understand or even like the idea.”

Ashley hugged him. “Hey answer me a question?” Tommy nodded. “Do you love Mitchel?” He nodded again. “Then stop worrying. When they see how much you care for each other they’re going to be happy for you. And…well if they can’t see it or don’t understand, then that’s their loss. It’s your life Tommy Joe, you live it for you and no-one else.” She kissed him.

“Thank you Ashley.”

“That’s what friends are for. Now go home, tell Mitchel you love him and have a great weekend.”

“I will, and Ashley…”

“Yeah TJ?”

“Whoever falls in love with you is going to be a very lucky man.”

“Aw thank you. Right, I’ll see you on Monday and you can tell me all your news.”

“K, night Ash and thanks again.”

She waved as she headed to the door.

The blond smiled, he had some awesome friends, old and new, they’d been there for him in some of the worst times ever. He hoped his mom and sister would love Adam as much as he did. Retrieving his phone from his pocket he dialled Adam’s number. It rang twice.

“Wow Adam were you holding you phone, waiting?”

“Hey baby. No was just going up to bed to wait for your call. Had just picked it up when you rang. M’still at Sutan’s.”

“How did it go, is everything finally sorted out?”

“Yeah everything is sorted, even mom’s got an awesome costume. I’m staying at Sutan’s tonight. But don’t want to talk about that, I want to talk about my lover.”

“Oh, is he someone I know?” Tommy supressed a giggle.

“Oh I don’t know, he’s beautiful, blond, great in bed and I love him very much.”

“Mmm he sounds great.”

“He is. Now what about you? Have you got a special someone?”

“As a matter of fact I have.”

“I see and what’s he like?”

“Well he’s tall, beautiful, makes love to me like I’m the only person that matters. And…and I love him so very much.”

“Oh Tommy Joe, you are the most amazing man I know. I’m going to miss you tonight.”

“And I’ll miss you too Adam. We are doing the right thing aren’t we?”

“Moving in together?”

“Yeah.”

“We won’t know until we try. And you’re keeping your apartment. So let’s just take it one day at a time. Remember what you said to me when we started all this?”

“Yeah, I remember. Wow we have come a long way in a short time.”

“Mmm and I love _coming_ with you.”

“Nngh fuck Adam, why did you have to say that? I now have all these images of you naked on your bed.”

“Shit Tommy, you certainly know how to put delicious images in my head. Where are you?”

“Still at the club packing away, why?”

“Go somewhere on your own, somewhere no-one will hear you.”

“Could go sit in my car.”

“Make sure you can’t be seen.”

“K, why?”

“Ring me back when you’re in the car and you’ll find out.”

“I…ok.” Adam hung up, Tommy stared at his phone.

“Hey TJ, everything ok?”

“What? Oh yeah everything’s great. M’just going, I’ll um…see you Monday.”

“Ok, have a good weekend. Night.”

“Yeah, night Craig.” Tommy picked up his guitar and left, curious at what Adam was up to. After locking his guitar in the trunk he dialled Adam back.

“Hey baby how are you?”

“We only spoke a few minutes ago.”

“I know but I like to know how my lover is.”

“I’m good Adam, missing you but m’good.”

“Where are you?”

“In my car.” Tommy still had no idea what Adam wanted.

“Can anyone see you?”

“No…but what…?”

“Ssh baby, I miss you so much, I’ve been thinking about you. About how beautiful you look all naked and spread out on my bed.”

“Nngh you’re gonna have me hard if you keep talking like that.”

“That’s my idea. I’m naked and thinking about you slowly sitting down on my dick.”

“Fuck Adam. I’m…” Tommy could feel himself getting hard, picturing Adam naked on the other end of the phone.

“Are you getting hard for me baby? I want you to…” he paused.

“You want me to what Adam?”

“I want you to touch yourself, let me hear what you’re doing.”

“Nngh…Oh!”

“Will you do that for me?”

“Already am…feels so…good.”

“I can picture your hand wrapping around your hard dick, are you doing that baby?”

Tommy was pleased it was dark and he’d parked his car under some trees. “M’just opening my jeans. Fuck Adam feels so good.” He reached in and wrapped his hand around his very hard, hot length. His cool hand felt so good.

“Are you pulling on it Tommy? Stroke yourself for me, want to hear the beautiful sounds that come from your gorgeous mouth. Tell me what it feels like.”

“Feels…” Tommy groaned. “I’m picturing your hand on top of mine, stroking with me.”

“Nngh Tommy you’re so gorgeous.” Adam’s hand was gently stroking his own length, eyes closed picturing Tommy in bed with him.

“Adam tell me what you’re doing, want you to come with me.”

“Fuck Tommy Joe, feels so good. My dick is hard for you baby, it misses being inside you, misses the feeling of you so tight around it.”

“Shiiiit, keep saying things like that and m’not gonna last much longer.”

“Don’t want you to, want you to come hard and fast baby. Speed up, twist your hand as you get to the top.” Adam’s breathing was getting faster. He could hear moans coming from the other end of the phone.

“Nnngh…not…Adam…gonna…shit…”

“Soon baby, nearly there with you.” Adam’s hand twisted each time he reached the tip. Dipping his finger into the slit as he did so.

“Adam! Not gonna…last…aargh!”

“Tommy, m’gonna…fuck…come.”

Both men screamed each others names as they came simultaneously. Tommy’s legs feeling like jelly, Adam’s breathing erratic.

There was silence on both ends of the phone.

Adam lay on the bed trying to bring his breathing back to normal, listening for sounds from his lover.

Tommy had never done anything like this before, he hoped no-one had gone past his car whilst he was….fuck he’d just had phone sex with his lover.

“Adam…”

“Yeah baby?”

“You ok?”

“Yeah, are you?”

“Yeah, what…?”

“We’ve just…”

“Yeah, wow!”

“Mmm wow! I love you Tommy Joe.”

“I love you too Adam. Wow.” He heard Adam laugh. “Never done that before.”

“No, neither have I, it was…”

“Mind blowing.”

“Well I blew something. It felt so good.”

“Mmm I felt good too.”

“I can’t wait for Sunday, when you move in.”

“Neither can I.”

“I want to take care of you, love you and…”

“You will Adam, I’ll be there. I love you very much.” He yawned.

“Are you going to be alright driving home? I know what you’re like after sex, you like to fall asleep.”

Tommy laughed. “Yeah I’ll be alright. I’ll drive with the windows open.”

It was Adam’s turn to laugh. “Good idea baby. Promise me you’ll drive carefully.”

“I will. And I’ll message you when I get home.”

“Thank you, night baby.”

“Night Adam, see you Sunday.”

“Yeah see you on Sunday.” They disconnected.

Tommy reached into the glove box, he had tissues in there, he needed to at least try to clean himself up a bit. Checking no-one was around he wiped the sticky liquid from his fingers. Looking down, his jeans would need to go straight in the wash. But he didn’t care, he loved Adam and if they couldn’t have phone sex when they wanted then there was something very wrong with the world.

Balling the tissues and throwing them in the passenger well, he would dispose of them when he got home. Turning the ignition key he opened the windows then drove home. Nothing was going to stop him moving in with the man he loved.

Adam looked at the phone and smiled. He couldn’t wait for his beautiful man to move in with him. He never realised he’d find someone to love as quickly as he’d found Tommy. He was pleased the petit man had stopped him taking those pills that day. He still loved Alex, but this was his life now and he had someone that truly understood him. He reached over to the bedside cabinet for tissues.

He was cleaning himself up when there was a knock at the door. Quickly throwing the tissues into the trash and pulling the duvet over him. “Yeah!”

Sutan popped his head around the door. “You ok Adam?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Thought I heard noises coming from your room.”

“Was just talking to Tommy.” He smiled.

“Didn’t sound much like…oh…ew vayvee, you’re gross. You were…weren’t you?” Sutan pretended to pull a face at his friend.

“We were just…”

“No…don’t you dare go any further. I really don’t want to be scarred for life.”

“We were just talking, besides you can’t tell me you haven’t…with guys…you must have?”

“Aargh…no! No more…I’m cringing at the images.” Sutan pretended to shudder and had to duck as Adam threw a pillow at him.

“Hey don’t mark the Queen!”

“Ha, ha, ha.”

“Seriously Adam, I’m pleased for you. I never thought you’d find anyone to make you happy again. But I can see Tommy does.”

“Yeah Sutan, he does. I love him a great deal. M’sorry if…you know.”

“Hey, only joking. I’m just pleased you’re having fun.”

“Thanks I’m happy that you like Tommy Joe.”

“I do, he’s been good for you. Now sleep Adam, you’ll need all your energy for when he moves in”

“Goodnight and thank you.”

“What for?”

“Letting me stay even though I’ve made a mess on your sheets.”

“Ewww, you’re putting them in the wash in the morning.” He picked the pillow up and hurled it back at his friend. They both ended up in fits of giggles.

“Goodnight Adam.”

“Night.” Adam watched as his friend closed the door. He had the most amazing family and friends. He just hoped everything would be ok with Tommy’s mom and sister on Sunday.

^V^

Why was Saturday such a short day? Or that’s what it felt like. He’d tried prioritising things he needed to do but that didn’t seem to be working.

Tommy flopped down onto his couch, surveying his surroundings. _What the fuck am I doing?_ He laughed _Ratliff you’re moving in with the man you love. Stop fretting and just pack._ He picked up the bottle of water, took a large mouthful then decided that he would just take his clothes for now, he’d take his guitar, he couldn’t live without her. The rest of his stuff he would leave, just in case. _No not just in case. He wasn’t coming back here, they would make this work and he’d come back for more of his belongings another day._

His phone rang. “Tommy’s phone!”

“Hello baby, how’re you getting on?”

“Adam, mmm not good.”

“Oh is there something wrong?”

“Not really, I just…well not sure what to bring, what to leave.”

“I wouldn’t mind if you just brought yourself.”

Tommy laughed. “What…no clothes to wear?”

“I like you without them.”

“I know you do, but we do have mom and Lisa coming around tomorrow and I don’t think they’d appreciate me naked.”

“Now that would be a sight.” Adam giggled. “How much more have you got to sort out?”

“Just tidying up then I was going to come around. I know I said I’d be there in the morning but…”

“I’d love for you to come early…so to speak.”

“Nngh, you really know how to say the right things. I’m picturing you waiting in your bed for me.”

“Our bed baby. And I can be waiting if you want me to be.”

“I love you Adam, we’re going to be ok aren’t we?”

“Hey what’s brought this on?”

“Oh I don’t know, just been thinking.”

“About what?”

“Mom, Lisa, Dad, Alex. Us.”

“You think too much sweetheart. Look, finish packing and come over when you’re ready. We can talk when you get here.”

“Thank you.”

“What for?”

“For loving me for who I am. I…well...I…”

“Stop right there. You’re thinking that because I’ve earned money from singing and you’re a bar musician, you’re not good enough for me. I’m right aren’t I?”

“Yeah.” He whispered.

“What was that Tommy Joe?”

“Yes Adam, you’re right.”

“Look, if you weren’t good enough for me we wouldn’t be where we are now and I definitely wouldn’t be asking you to move in with me. Now stop over thinking, finish packing then get your cute ass over here.”

“Not got an ass.”

“Oh baby you have, and it’s all mine.” He heard a soft giggle. “Now that’s better. Hurry up Tommy I’m missing you.”

“I will and I’m missing you too. Do you want me to call and pick up the food for dinner tomorrow night?”

“No I thought we could go do that together. Um…that is if you don’t mind being seen out with me?”

“I’d love to go shopping with you, but what if someone recognises you?”

“Then we’ll cross that bridge when or if it happens, ok?”

“Ok. I’ll see you in about an hour.”

“Sounds great. Love you baby.” Adam blew a kiss down the phone then hung up.

Tommy smiled, Adam was definitely getting better. He put his phone in his pocket, finished packing and in less than an hour he was on his way to begin the next chapter in his life.

Adam had been pacing up and down for the last 20 minutes, Tommy had messaged him to say he was just leaving his apartment, he had one stop to make then he’d be at Adam’s. Hearing a car outside, Adam went to the window, smiling when he saw his lover getting out of his car. He watched as the blond retrieved a bag and his guitar from the trunk and he noticed Tommy slip something into his jacket pocket before he made his way to the apartments.

Adam was nervously waiting, finger on the entrance buzzer when Tommy rang the bell. _What the hell are you nervous about? He’s been staying here the past week_. But he knew this was different. Not since he lived with Alex had anyone been this important in his life.

As the buzzer sounded he was instantly pressing the door release for Tommy to enter. As he waited he was bouncing from one foot to the other like a kid waiting for an ice cream.

As Tommy came through the door, Adam enveloped him in his strong arms causing a squeak to leave Tommy’s lips.

“You squeaked Tommy Joe.”

“Did not!” he tried to pout, he hated himself for doing it, but it always happened when people surprised him.

“Did so and it sounded cute.”

“M’not cute Lambert. I’m a badass guitarist.”

“You’re my badass guitarist and I love it when you squeak.” He kissed him before the blond could retaliate. “So, how are you?”

“You only spoke to me just over an hour ago. But m’fine.”

“No regrets saying yes to me?”

“No Adam, no regrets.” He kissed him lightly. “Now are you going to let me put my things in your bedroom or…”

“Our bedroom.” Adam smiled.

Tommy blushed. “K, _our_ bedroom, or am I just going to have to stand here all afternoon?”

“I’m sorry, here let me help you.”

“I can do it I’m not…”

“I know, it’s just I’m so happy you’re here and…well I want us to do things together.”

Tommy giggled, “Oh Adam, we will do things together, but I’m capable of taking my bag to…” he hesitated, “…to our bedroom.”

Adam watched as his gorgeous boyfriend disappeared with his bag. “Do you want a drink or do you want to go food shopping first?”

Tommy popped his head around the bedroom door. “Food shopping, then we can have the rest of the night to ourselves before the onslaught tomorrow. Then when we get back you can tell me all about what you’re wearing on Wednesday night.”

“I’ve asked Sutan to help you with your costume too, I hope you don’t mind?”

“Of course I don’t mind. I’m just happy to see you with a smile on your face and I’m even more pleased you’re going to be there. I know it can’t be easy for you.” Tommy emerged from the bedroom.

“Wow that was quick. I can’t put clothes away that quickly.”

“Um…I’ve…erm…left them in my bag, not sure…”

“Tommy this is your home now, you put them where you want.”

“I’ll sort them out later then.” He looked at his amazing boyfriend. “I’m proud of you.”

“Why? What have I done?”

“You’re coming to the club on Wednesday, you’re coming food shopping with me and…and you’re meeting my mom and Lisa tomorrow night.”

Adam wound his arms around Tommy’s waist. “Firstly I’m going to be in costume, my mom, Sutan and you are all going to be there. Secondly I feel safe being out when you’re with me and finally I’m really looking forward to meeting your family.” He saw Tommy look down. “What’s the matter?”

“I’m hoping they both accept me for who I am. I’ve not had a boyfriend before, I…well they’ve only seen me with girls.”

“Everything will be ok. They’ll love you when they see how happy you are. And you are happy aren’t you?”

“Definitely, I’ve never been this happy in my life.” He kissed him, “So come on, let’s go do that shopping then we can relax for the rest of the day.”

Adam grabbed Tommy’s hand, picking up his wallet and car keys they headed out.

They just about had everything they needed for the dinner, all they had to do was get the meat from a butchers Leila had recommended to them. Tommy was in charge of the veg, he wasn’t good at cooking so he didn’t think he could go wrong with vegetables. Adam had asked his mom the best way to cook the beef so he was in charge of that.

When they’d gone into the shop the guy had been surprised to see Adam and they’d chatted for a while about what he was doing now. The butcher had wished him all the best and told them he was sad to hear what had happened to his boyfriend. They’d thanked him and were now leaving with what the butcher called the _best cut of meat_.

As they stepped out of the shop a flash went off in Adam’s face.

“Hey Adam, over here, who’s the blond you’re with? Is he your new boyfriend?”

Adam stopped in his tracks, how had they found him? He looked at Tommy, he felt like a rabbit caught in the headlights.

Tommy sensed his anguish. “Come on, back into the shop.” He pulled Adam back through the doorway.

The butcher looked from one man to the other. The photographers were right up against his window, flashes going off in every direction. He raced to lock the door and pull down the shades. He could hear them shouting.

“Adam tell us who the cute blond is. Hey blondie do you know his fame killed his previous boyfriend.”

That did it, Adam sank to the floor, tears running down his face.

“I’ve locked up, take all the time you need, I’ll be out the back, shout if I can do anything for you.” The butcher headed off as he saw Tommy nod then crouch down next to Adam.

“Hey Adam, sshh, it’s not your fault, you’re not to blame for what Alex did.”

“(hic) But I am…(hic) they’re right. If…fuck, if…”

“Adam please.” Tommy sat next to him and pulled him close. “We’ve talked about this, please stop thinking like that. Oh my beautiful man, I’m so sorry.” He kissed the top of his head.

“Why (hic)…why are you sorry?”

“If I’d have done the shopping before I…”

“No…not your fault. I…wanted to be seen with you. But how…how did they know where we were?”

“I don’t know. You know what the paparazzi are like? I’m going to talk to them.”

“No, they’ll…I’m scared.”

“I know you are. But I have to do this…for us.” He saw hurt, sadness and love in the dark haired man’s eyes. Kissing him quickly Tommy got up and headed out to the reporters.

“Where’s Adam? Who are you? What’s your relationship to him?”

Tommy stood, not saying a word until everyone had stopped shouting their questions at him.

As he spoke flashes were still going off but he could handle that. He took a deep breath.

“Firstly my name is Tommy, and before you ask that’s all I’m going to tell you. Second I’m a friend of Adam’s and we were just spending a quiet afternoon shopping. I don’t know how you knew we were here, but what I’m going to say next is all I’m going to say. I’m not prepared to answer your questions so I’d…we’d be obliged if after you’ve heard what I have to say you’ll leave and let us carry on enjoying the remainder of our day.” He looked at the reporters who were poised with their recorders waiting for his speech.

“Ok, so I will say again, I’m a friend of Adam’s, he’s still mourning his boyfriends’ loss and we’d be grateful if you left us alone. Adam has given a statement, via his manager as to what he’s doing in the future. So please, let my friend grieve in peace and anything else you want to know I’m sure his manager will tell you. Now we’d like you to kindly leave so we can go about our private business and we can let the owner of this shop open again. Thank you.”

He turned and went back into the shop. As he closed the door he saw Adam still sitting on the floor, but he’d stopped crying and was smiling at him.

“What?”

“Wow, for someone of few words I’ve never seen anyone shut up the press as you’ve just done. Thank you baby, I love you.”

“What if the owner hears?”

“I don’t care. I want him to know, after all he needn’t have helped us just now.” Adam stood and went to kiss Tommy just as the butcher came back into the shop.

“Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t…” He turned to go back.

“No…wait, please.” Adam looked at him, “Thank you for everything this afternoon. I’d be grateful if you didn’t tell anyone about Tommy and I…not yet. We’ve not been together long and…”

“And it’s no-ones business but yours. You have my word Mr Lambert. Oh and can I say you make a gorgeous couple.” He smiled.

“Thank you.”

“I came to say you can leave via the back if you wish. Oh and I know how they found out you were here.”

“Oh!”

“I’m sorry to say, it was my assistant. He was out the back carving the joints of meat when he heard us talking. He recognised your voice from your records and interviews you’ve given and he decided to ring the press. I…well let’s just say he doesn’t work for me anymore. If I can’t trust him to keep secrets then he doesn’t work for me.”

“Wow, I’m sure firing him…”

“Yes Mr Lambert, it was the right thing to do. Now would you care to use the back door?”

Adam looked at Tommy. “If my amazing boyfriend doesn’t mind we’ll leave via the front door. I’m fed up with hiding. They just startled me and I don’t want to feel like that anymore.”

“Alright, but be careful gentlemen and you’re welcome back here anytime.”

“Thank you.” Adam picked up their shopping, quickly kissed Tommy as the owner opened the door.

Stepping out into the cool air, Adam smiled. The statement his boyfriend had made was one of the many reasons why he loved him so much.

On their way back to the car they saw a couple of reporters still hanging around but neither approached nor shouted anything to them.

Tommy watched as Adam drove them home, he was so proud of his lover, he couldn’t wait to introduce this wonderful man to his mom and sister.

^V^

Adam was putting their purchases away and as Tommy watched him he saw something in his boyfriends’ body language that told him he wasn’t doing too well. The last item deposited in the fridge, he turned and Tommy saw more tears in his eyes. He wanted to take the hurt away but he knew it would take more than a hug and a few loving words. He watched as Adam picked up a glass and instead of filling it with water he threw it across the kitchen.

“FUCK!”

“Adam, talk to me please, I want to help”

“You can’t help baby. This is all my fault.”

“What is?”

“What happened today. What happened with Alex. Tommy why…why do you stay with me? I’m not a good person.”

Tommy held his arms out. “Come here.” He watched as Adam went to pick the broken glass up. “Leave that and come sit down. Talk to me.” He watched as his boyfriend picked up more broken glass cutting his finger in the process.

“Shit!” He looked at the broken glass in his hand. “This is me, I’m the broken one.” Adam sucked on the blood dripping from his finger.

“No, you’re not. Leave it please, I’ll clear up later. Let’s go sit down.” Tommy moved towards the broken man, taking hold of his hands stopping him hurting himself anymore.

Adam looked into the blonds beautiful eyes, he didn’t deserve this man’s love, he was no good for Tommy, but…but he loved him. He was so messed up he couldn’t think straight.

“Help me Tommy, I’m scared.”

“Come on…please.” Tommy led him through to the lounge. Sitting on the sofa he gently pulled Adam down with him. Adam curled into Tommy’s side, sniffing away his tears.

“Talk to me Adam, please. I want to help.”

“Oh baby, I thought I was doing good, you know…”

“You are. I’m so proud of you.”

“How can I be doing good when I was a coward this afternoon. I…I couldn’t face those…”

“Oh Adam you weren’t a coward, they were vultures and it wasn’t a situation that a lot of people would be good about. You said yourself you’re living one day at a time and you are doing brilliantly. I wouldn’t be as strong as you are if the same thing had happened to me.”

“I don’t feel strong Tommy. I feel lost, empty and I want those feelings to go away.”

“And they will, it’s going to take time. Time we have together. I’m not going anywhere and this…” He shook his wrist with the bracelet on, “…this shows how much you love me. Now if you hadn’t have been a strong person you wouldn’t have gone shopping and bought it.”

“Can I…can I ask you something?”

“Sure, what do you want to know?”

“Why…” he took a deep breath, “why didn’t you tell those paps that we were together?”

Tommy looked at the sad blue eyes. “I wanted to protect you. If…if they know we’re together you’re not going to get any peace in all this, they’re going to make up stories about you, about me and most of all about us. I don’t want you hurt anymore. I love you too much to see that happen. When…and only when we are ready to tell the world, we’ll do it together. That assistant had no right to do what he did and he’s paying for it, he lost his job. I hate seeing you sad, I’m going to protect you. So if you don’t want to be there on Wednesday then I understand.”

“No baby, I want to be there for you, with you.” Adam sniffed and wiped away a stray tear. “You…you deserve someone better than me.”

“No I don’t, you are all I want and if I have to keep saying it, I’m here for you…always.”

“Thank you Tommy, you’ve saved me again.”

“And I’ll keep on doing it for as long as it takes.”

Adam looked into the beautiful brown eyes he’d fallen in love with. “Thank you.”

“My pleasure Adam, and now…kiss me.”

“That would be _my_ pleasure.” He wound a hand around Tommy’s neck, pulling him down to his level. Gently at first their lips met, Tommy tasting the salty tears that had run down Adam’s face. It wasn’t long before the kiss turned frantic, Adam’s tongue wanting entry into Tommy’s beautiful mouth, The blond opening up willingly, their tongues dancing, mapping each others’ mouth. Adam’s fingers tightened in the blonds hair causing a stifled moan to move through Tommy’s body into Adam’s mouth.

Pulling apart, “you are an amazingly beautiful man Tommy Joe Ratliff. I am so privileged to have you in my life. I promise I will get better.”

“I don’t want your promises…” He saw Adam’s face turn sad, “no…listen to me.” Adam nodded. “I don’t want promises because I just want you. As you are, not trying to be someone else. I fell in love with _you_ Adam Lambert, not someone who’s trying to live up to everyone else’s expectations. No matter how long it takes for you to be comfortable in the _outside_ _world_ then I’ll be at your side.” He kissed him again.

“Thank you baby.” Adam smiled and Tommy melted, this man’s smile was everything.

“Now, do we cook dinner or order in?”

Tommy squeezed Adam’s hand, “How about we order in, we’re cooking tomorrow so let’s cheat tonight.”

“That sounds like an excellent idea. What do we order?”

“Mmm how about Taco’s?” Adam laughed, “What?”

“You and your love affair with Taco’s. I can see I have stiff competition.”

“You can have something else stiff later if you want it and as for love affair, I love only you.” Adam laughed again. “I love it when you laugh, you should continue doing that.”

“You make me laugh Tommy, and I’ll try. Now go get the menu, it’s in the drawer under the crockery cupboard and let’s order. I’m hungry.” He watched as Tommy went to the kitchen, he was the luckiest man alive, having such and amazing boyfriend.

Tommy was dialling the take out number as he sat down, he already knew what he wanted and handing the menu to Adam he nodded when his boyfriend pointed to the salad and nothing else. He knew Adam was careful what he ate and he also knew that he’d pinch some of Tommy’s food when they were eating.

An hour later, empty cartons and plates on the table, both men slowly stood. They’d eaten more than they should and making their way to the lounge, they collapsed onto the sofa.

“Nngh, gonna have to take up running again, otherwise you’re gonna have a fat boyfriend Tommy Joe.”

“You look gorgeous Adam, but if you want to run then that’s good, you’re showing that you’re feeling better already. But…I do have one condition.”

“Oh and what’s that?”

“You don’t _ever_ ask me to go with you. I. Don’t. Run!” Tommy sat shaking his head.

“Aww is my baby unfit?”

“Nope your baby is fit enough to have amazing sex with his boyfriend and that is all he’s bothered about.”

Adam pulled him close. “And I concur, amazing sex it is too. Ok…I promise I won’t ask you to go with me.”

“Good.” Tommy yawned. “M’sorry.”

“Hey, nothing to be sorry for. It’s been one crazy ass day.” Adam looked down at his hands in is lap.

“You’re thinking again aren’t you?”

“M’sorry, I…”

“No Adam, what happened today was the result of someone trying to make a name for themselves, and it backfired. _We_ on the other hand, came through it, and if we can fight our way through shit like that then we can get through anything.”

“I can get through anything if I have you.” Adam laughed.

“What?”

“Sorry baby, nearly quoted one of my songs there.”

“Oh, I um…oh boy…I…shit.”

“It’s ok, I don’t expect you to know all of my songs.”

“Good, but I want to know them, want you to teach me them. I want to be able to play them for you.”

“Ok, we can do that. We have all the time in the world.” Adam yawned. “Wow, guess all our excitement today has caught up with me too. Let’s go to bed.”

“Sounds good to me.” Tommy stood, holding out his hand.

Adam entwined his fingers in the blonds and they headed for the bedroom.

As they were undressing Adam stopped and looked at Tommy. “Tommy…I…”

Tommy was removing his jeans, “What’s wrong?”

“I…will you…can I…fuck…”

“Hey whatever it is it can’t be that bad? Tell me.”

“Would you…” Adam took a deep breath, “would you mind if…nngh…”

Tommy moved over to him. “Just ask me.”

“K, wow, never thought asking this would be so difficult.” Tommy held onto his hands noticing he was shaking. “Would you mind if we just cuddled tonight. I…”

“Oh Adam, I don’t mind, why would I?”

“But I thought…”

“Our relationship is not just about sex and how often we make love. It’s about two men who love each other, are there for one another and whether we have sex or not, I’m still gonna be here with you, for you.”

“Thank you Tommy, this is why I love you so much.”

“Good because I love you. Now come on I’m getting cold and I need your hot body to cuddle and keep me warm.”

Tommy crawled under the duvet as he watched Adam finish undressing. Lifting the corner of the bedding as Adam crawled in beside him, wrapping their arms around one another a quick kiss as they settled down.

He watched as his lover fell asleep, kissing the top of Adam’s head he whispered, “I’ll look after you my beautiful man. I’m never going to hurt you or leave you, I love you too much for that.” Pulling the taller man closer Tommy closed his eyes thinking of a new day tomorrow and the present he had to show how much Adam meant to him. His only concern was his mom and Lisa and what they would think of his amazing boyfriend.

^V^

Tommy was awake before the sun began to rise. He’d had a restless night and didn’t think he’d slept more than an hour at a time. He watched as Adam slept, his boyfriend looked so peaceful, he wondered what he was dreaming about because several times Adam had smiled. Tommy looked at the time…6.30am…he was wide awake. The last time his insomnia had hit was just after his father had died. He knew why this time, he was worried about his mom and Lisa coming for dinner tonight.

Gently turning over, Tommy closed his eyes again hoping sleep would overtake him again. He must have nodded off because the next thing he knew, Adam was kissing and nibbling his neck.

“Mmm morning Adam.”

“Morning baby. I’m sorry for waking you.”

“S’ok, not really slept much.” Tommy turned to look at his lover.

“Aww baby, are you ok?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine, I’m just worried what mom and Lisa will think.”

“Hey stop worrying, everything is going to be fine.”

“Oh Adam, I wish I had your confidence. I just want everything to be good for us.”

“And it is. I couldn’t be happier, and you’re happy…aren’t you?”

“I’m happy when I’m with you. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in a relationship. It’s just…” Tommy sighed, closed his eyes and snuggled closer to Adam.

“It’s just I’m your first boyfriend and you don’t know how to tell your family?” He looked at the blond head resting on his chest. “I’m right aren’t I?”

Tommy looked up into the beautiful blue pools of his lover. “Yeah, I’m sorry.”

“You’ve nothing to be sorry for Tommy Joe. I’m gonna be here with you. I’m not going to let you do this on your own.”

“I…shit, I can’t just say _Hi mom, hi Lisa, oh and by the way this is Adam my boyfriend._ ” Adam chuckled, “It’s not funny Adam.”

“I know and I’m sorry. Look, how about we have a nice dinner, chat about…oh I don’t know…the weather!” Tommy groaned, “I’m trying to help here.” Adam kissed the top of Tommy’s head.

“M’sorry.” Tommy squeezed Adam tighter.

“Ssh. Let’s just play it by ear. If it comes up during dinner we’ll deal with it. If it doesn’t then we’ll confess our love after dinner.”

“Thank you for being so understanding.”

“I just want to see you happy. I’m with you all the way. Now, how about a shower and then a walk?”

“Shower sounds good, but a walk?” What if…”

“I’ll show you one of my disguises. I think we need some air and a gentle walk before we play hosts later.”

“Sounds good.”

Adam smiled and didn’t let go of Tommy as they headed for the bathroom.

As always they couldn’t keep their hands of one another and several orgasms, washing each other, and just standing under the hot spray, they emerged from a steamy room, two men who were very much in love.

As Tommy pulled on his clothes he watched as Adam dug out shorts, vest t-shirt, a hoodie and a baseball cap. Leila was right, he was a master for dressing up and hiding under a cap.

Grabbing his keys and Tommy’s hand they headed out into the bright sunshine. Although it was a warm day both had hoodies on, Adam for a disguise and Tommy because he didn’t like being in the sun. Walking hand in hand they noticed some people staring and smiling, but there were still a few who shook their heads when they saw two men holding hands.

“You ok Adam?”

“I’m good, I have you at my side.” He looked at his lover. “Kiss me Tommy Joe.”

“What…out here?”

“Yeah, I want the world to know I love you and what better way than to show them.”

“Aren’t you afraid someone will recognise you?”

“Oh Tommy, stop worrying and just kiss me.”

They stopped, Tommy turned to face Adam, winding his arms around the taller man’s neck. Adam pulled him close and leant in to kiss him. It was gentle, loving and Tommy smiled as he heard someone whistle at them.

Pulling away he looked for the person who’d whistled, but couldn’t tell who it had been.

“There you go, now that wasn’t so bad was it?”

“No, how about we do it again, you know, just to prove our point.”

“Have I told you how much I love you Tommy?”

Tommy jokingly made out he was thinking.”Mmm not today, so go on, tell me.”

“I’d rather show you.” Adam pulled him closer and this time the kiss was more heated, Tommy opening up for Adam’s tongue as it mapped out the contours of his mouth. As they pulled apart they heard someone shout.

“That’s disgusting, should never be allowed.”

Tommy stiffened in Adam’s arms. “Hey Tommy its ok, don’t listen to him, he’s only jealous because I have a hot boyfriend.” Adam smiled.

Tommy kissed him quickly. “Nah, it’s me who’s got the hot boyfriend.” And winding his arm around Adam’s waist they headed back to their apartment.

“Coffee?” Adam headed towards the kitchen.

“Please.” Tommy kicked his creepers off and flopped down on the sofa.

“Does your mom and Lisa like wine?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Good, I’ve got just the bottle to have with dinner, was saving it for a special occasion and tonight is one.”

“If you say so.” Tommy was still worried.

“Everything is going to be alright Tommy Joe.” Adam hugged him and he felt Tommy relax in his arms. They felt comfortable with each other, no one saying anything just basking in the peaceful surroundings and just being with each other.

The remainder of the day was spent preparing the food ready for cooking. Adam called his mom _just to double check_ the time it took for the beef to cook and what time they’d have to put the vegetables on for everything to be all cooked at the same time. She laughed when Adam told her to slow down as he was writing everything down. But she told him that she was so proud of him and Tommy for telling Tommy’s family together.

They didn’t know where the day had gone, but Adam looked at the clock in his kitchen. “Hey Tommy it’s quarter to 4, don’t you think you should make a move to pick your mom and Lisa up?”

“Ugh! Yeah I’d better go, otherwise I’ll be in trouble for being late.”

“Come here.” Adam held his arms out. Tommy went for a hug. “Everything’s going to be ok baby, you’ll see.”

“I really do hope so.” He kissed Adam quickly.

“Stop worrying, I’ll just give your mom and sister the famous Lambert smile and that will be it.” He laughed.

“Go for it Adam, it may just work. Now…I do have to go. I’ll see you in about 45 minutes.”

“Ok baby, I’ll have the coffee all ready for when you get back.”

A quick kiss and Adam watched as Tommy headed out.

On the drive to his mom’s Tommy played and replayed what he was going to say about Adam. But each time he thought of something he dismissed it as being stupid. Adam was right, they should play it by ear.

As he pulled up outside his mom’s house he saw Lisa’s car parked outside. Taking a deep breath he switched the engine off then headed to the door. It was Lisa who opened it before he had time to knock. He didn’t know why, but he always knocked when he went to visit his mother.

“Hi sis, are you both ready?”

“Yeah, mom’s just getting her coat.”

“K, I’ll um…just…”

“Tommy come in will you, it’s like you’re…Are you ok?”

“What?...yeah, m’fine.”

“Tommy Joe, I’m your sister, I know when there’s something bothering you, so spill.”

Tommy didn’t want to tell her he was Adam’s boyfriend so he went for the one thing he hoped she’d understand. “Oh, just wishing dad was here today, he’d have liked us all going to dinner together.”

“Yeah…he would. So what’s this Adam like?”

“You’ll have to wait and see.” He’d told them his _friends_ name was Adam, he knew they wouldn’t be too happy if he used Mitchel then they’d found out the truth. What he hadn’t told them was the Lambert part.

“Tommy…hey Tommy Joe!”

“Mmm…what?...sorry.”

“You were miles away then brother, what…”

She didn’t get a chance to finish, their mother came through to the hall.

“Thomas, I didn’t realise you were here.”

“Hi mom, sorry Lis and I were just talking.”

“Well let’s finish the conversation in the car, we don’t want to be late at your friends for dinner.”

“S’ok mom, Adam’s got everything sorted, he’s the cook today.”

“Oh, so there’s just Adam? No girlfriend or wife?”

Tommy hated it when his mother jumped to conclusions. “No mom, no girlfriend or wife.”

Lisa looked at her brother, there was something he wasn’t telling them, but she wouldn’t pry, she respected his privacy. She knew he’d tell them when he was ready.

“How long have you known him?”

“Mom, I told you when I met Adam, can we leave the questions till we get back to his?” He was tempted to say _theirs_ but he didn’t want an argument before he got home. There would be time for explanations later.

The journey wasn’t full of their talking, by mutual consent they’d all remained pretty quiet, Tommy not really wanting to say too much without Adam, and his mother and Lisa occasionally commenting on the weather and the scenery as they drove.

He smiled as he pulled up outside Adam’s apartment block.

“Wow, your friend must be wealthy to live here. It’s very big and upmarket!”

“Lisa! Does it really matter how much money Adam has? That’s his business, not ours.”

“Wow little brother, we are touchy this afternoon.”

“Lisa, leave your brother alone. He’s right, it doesn’t matter. It’s Tommy’s friend and we should respect that.”

“Sorry Tommy.” Their mother could still make them feel like small children when she told them off.

“All forgiven Lis. Now, let’s go meet Adam.”

As he got out of the car he took a deep breath, he hoped this would go well.

Adam was waiting for them as they approached the door, he really wanted to fold Tommy into a hug and kiss him, but he knew he hadn’t told his family yet, so he just smiled and winked at his boyfriend.

Tommy noticed Lisa and his mom looking around the apartment, so to break the awkward silence he decided to formally introduce everyone. As Adam passed him he felt his hand brush against his back, this put him slightly at ease.

“Ok, mom, Lisa, this is Adam. Adam, let me introduce my mom Dia and my sister Lisa.”

Adam held out his hand, “good afternoon Mrs Ratliff, I’m pleased to finally meet you. And Lisa, it’s a…”

“Oh…my…God!”

“Lisa, watch your mouth.”

“Sorry mom, but you don’t know who this is do you?”

Tommy looked at Adam, he was about to say something but Adam stopped him with a shake of his head.

“I’m sorry Lisa, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Mom, this is…oh my…this is Adam Lambert. You know the singer. The one who’s…” Tommy shot her a look telling her not to say anything more.

“Who’s what Lisa?”

She didn’t know why Tommy had stopped her, but…she wouldn’t press him any further. “He’s an awesome singer who’s had some amazing songs and albums in the charts.”

Adam smiled. “You’ve found me out. And it’s so nice to finally meet you too Lisa.” Adam smiled at Lisa’s enthusiasm.

“Oh wow Tommy, why didn’t you tell me your friend was Adam Lambert?”

“I…um…”

“That’s my fault Lisa, I wanted it to be a surprise for you.”

“Oh Ok. You’re forgiven Tommy.”

“Will someone explain everything to _me_ now please?”

“Sorry mom, I love Adam’s music, it’s such an honour meeting you. I didn’t know our Tommy had such famous friends.”

Adam really wanted to hug his boyfriend. “Look, why don’t we go sit down and have a coffee and we can talk about how Tommy and I became friends.”

“I’ll…um…go get the coffees.”

“Thanks b…” Adam stopped himself. “Tommy, you know where everything is.” He watched as the blond headed for the kitchen.

When Tommy got back to the lounge he found his mother and Lisa listening intently to what Adam was telling them. _So far so good_ , Tommy smiled. “Coffee’s here, help yourself to cream and sugar.” He sat next to Adam, not close enough to be touching but close enough that he could feel the heat radiating from his boyfriend.

“I hope you’re both hungry. We’ve cooked roast beef and all the trimming for dinner, and there’s strawberries and ice cream for dessert.”

“But you shouldn’t have gone to all that trouble.”

“Oh but for my b…friend’s family it’s no trouble.” That was the second time he’d nearly slipped up and he knew Tommy had noticed. He’d have to be more careful. “If you’ll just excuse me, I’ll go check on dinner.” He left the women and Tommy talking about Tommy’s job. When he got back he noticed Tommy looking upset.

“Lisa, you know I love my job and mom knows it too. Why do you always ask when I’m getting a proper job?”

“Lisa leave you brother alone. He’s happy in what he does. All he needs now is to find a lovely girl to settle down with.”

Adam wanted to hug the blond, he could see he was annoyed with his mothers’ comment, but he would take Tommy’s lead and let him come out to his family. He knew he’d told them he was Bi and he could clearly see that didn’t or wouldn’t understand that.

Tommy sensed Adam was back, “is dinner ready?” he really didn’t want to be eating in awkward silence. The sooner the meal was over the sooner he would tell them he was in love with Adam.

“Yes, everything is ready. Shall we go through to the dining room?”

“That would be lovely Adam, thank you.” Dia smiled as she followed the men through.

Adam and Tommy took the food through “please help yourselves.” Adam smiled.

The meal was good but the atmosphere felt strained. Tommy was close enough to Adam to feel his leg touching his own, he couldn’t carry on like this much longer. He looked at every one then put his knife and fork down.

“Is everything ok Tommy Joe?”

Tommy looked at everyone in turn. “No Adam it’s not. I can’t do this anymore.”

“Can’t do what Thomas?”

Tommy felt Adam’s leg rub up against his own. He knew he was there for him, so it was now or never.

“Mom, Lisa, I’m not going to lie to you anymore. The reason _we_ asked you around to dinner was…”

“We? What do you…”

“Lisa shut up and listen to me for once.” He stood and went behind Adam. Winding his arms around Adam’s neck, “mom, Lisa, Adam is my boyfriend, we love each other and…and I moved in here with him yesterday.”

 

tbc

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit longer than the others and I don't know when I'll get to update it as things at work are crazy at the moment and don't look like they're going to be letting up any day soon. Thank you for staying with me on this and I will update as soon as i can. Love 'n' hugs to you all. xx


	13. Chapter 13

Tommy had expected shouting and questions. Instead he was greeted with stunned silence. Adam’s heart, like his own, was beating fast. He could feel it under his hands. The two men watched as the two women put their cutlery down and stared at them.

“So mom, Lisa, have you nothing at all to say to us?” Tommy looked at his family.

“Mrs Ratliff, Lisa, I love Tommy and…”

“Stop!” Dia raised her voice.

“Mom, Adam…”

“No Thomas, I don’t want to hear it.”

“Hear what mom? That Adam and I are happy.”

“It’s not right. You…both of you…” She waved her arms in their direction.

Tommy was getting angry now. “What’s not right mom?” Tommy’s voice was getting louder.

“Thomas, don’t raise your voice at me.”

“I will say and do whatever I want in _our_ home. So mom, are you going to answer my question?”

“Tommy I think…”

“Oh not you as well Lisa. Go on, you tell us it’s not right either.”

“Tommy I was going to say, it’s…well it’s a bit of a shock. I thought you…well liked girls. What about that waitress from the other week?”

“Lisa I did…do still like girls, but I love Adam. And it was _you_ who was trying to set up a date for me with that waitress.”

“I…my son isn’t gay.”

“No mom, he’s…I’m not, I’m Bisexual which means…”

“Oh I know what it means and I know it’s just a phase that you’re going through.”

That was it, Tommy flipped. “No mom it’s not just a _phase I’m going through_ as you say. This is me, who I realise I’ve been for a long time, I just haven’t acted on it until I met Adam.”

“So it’s his fault!”

“NO!” Tommy had heard enough. “It is not Adam’s fault. I tried spending my life with girls and as much as I enjoyed it…” He saw a look of shock on his mothers’ face. “Yes mom, I’m talking about having sex with them.” He knew she wasn’t happy about people having sex out of wedlock, but she needed to know about his life. “There was always something missing. But now…now I’ve fallen in love with Adam, I know this is what I want. He makes me feel special, he cares about me and I care very much about him. And before you say anything…yes we are having sex.” Tommy didn’t care anymore if what he said shocked his mother and sister, they needed to know the truth about him.

“Thomas, how do you know this is right? You haven’t known this…this man very long?”

“This man, mom, has a name. And I know all this I have with _Adam_ is right, we _both_ know it’s right.”

“Mrs Ratliff, I care very…”

“I’m talking to my son Mr Lambert so kindly let me finish.”

Tommy was furious, “Mom I am not having you speak to Adam like that. If you can’t be civil to him…to us, then I’d like you to leave.” Tommy felt Adam’s hand tighten over his.

“I’m sorry you feel that way Thomas.” She went to stand.

“Mrs Ratliff, please hear me out.” Tommy tightened his hold on his boyfriend. “I met Tommy at a very low point in my life. He saved me from doing something extremely stupid and if it wasn’t for him I don’t know where I’d be today. We became good friends very quickly.”

“So you took advantage of my son’s friendship. You…”

“Mrs Ratliff please let me finish.” Adam was trying to remain calm, he didn’t want this ending in a slanging match. “As I was saying, I don’t know where I’d be if Tommy hadn’t found me. Our friendship very quickly turned into something deeper. He understands me, understands my inner pain and he has helped me through such a lot. I love him very much and I promise you I will never hurt him.”

“That’s all very well Mr Lambert, but this is clearly not my son’s decision, he would never…”

“Ok, that’s it!” Tommy moved away from Adam. “I’ve heard enough, so…mom, Lisa, I’d like you both to leave. I’ll call you a cab, but I really don’t want to continue this conversation. You’re not going to listen to either of us, which I’m sorry about. I’m not going to change, I love Adam with all my heart, so you either get used to it, accept us for who we are or you can leave tonight and never contact me again. This is my life and I was hoping you’d both be happy for me. I’ve found someone whom I want to spend the rest of my life with. You should know how that feels mom, you loved dad and you spent your life with him.”

“That’s not the same Thomas.”

“Isn’t it? Why? You loved him, didn’t you?”

“I still do.”

“Ok, so I love Adam, what difference is there?”

“But you should have a lovely girl at your side, you can have children with her.”

“Ah, so there we have it. You’re worried that I won’t have children, that you won’t have grand-children. You have Lisa.”

“Hey don’t bring me into this.”

“Come on Lisa, you’ve been quiet, so…tell us what do you think about me loving Adam?”

“I…” she looked at their mother.

“No Lisa, I want to know what _you_ think, not what mom wants you to say.” Tommy was shaking, he felt sick, he thought they would have been happy for him. He looked from Adam to his mother, his gaze finally resting on his sister.

“I…oh Tommy, when you said you were Bi, I admit I didn’t understand what you meant. I’ve always seen you with cute girls and you’ve seemed happy. This…” she looked at Adam then back to Tommy. “…this…well I’m struggling to understand how you can…”

“How we have sex? Is that it Lisa? You want to know how we make love?” Tommy reached out his hand and Adam held on to it. “If you want me to go into details I will.”

“Thomas! Enough. Now you’re being vulgar.”

“No mom, what Adam and I do in our bedroom is only what you and dad did when you met. The only difference is neither of us can have children.”

“But…” Adam squeezed Tommy’s hand. “But Mrs Ratliff if we ever wanted to have children then there are ways which would allow us to love someone and raise them as our own.” Adam smiled at his lover, he didn’t think he could love Tommy anymore, but how he was standing up to his mother about their love for one another just made his heart burst with pride.

“I’m sure there are ways Mr Lambert, but I know my son, he wouldn’t want to bring up anyone else’s child.”

“That’s where you’re wrong mom, you don’t know me. You don’t know how much I care about Adam and you certainly don’t know that if…if we were blessed to have a child then Adam and I would love him or her as our own and they would be our son or daughter and not someone else’s.” Tommy watched as his mother stood.

“Lisa, get our coats and ring for a cab. I want to go home.”

“But mom, we haven’t finished…”

“Yes Lisa we’re all finished here. Until Thomas comes to his senses I’m not staying. Thank you for dinner Mr Lambert, but we should go.”

“Mrs Ratliff, I’m sorry you feel like this. I’m never going to leave Tommy, I care too much for him, about him. Now if you ever want to come and see him…us, you are more than welcome, our door is always open for you. And you too Lisa.”

“Thank you Adam, I…”

“Lisa! I appreciate the offer Mr Lambert but I don’t think that would be a good idea do you? Now Lisa, get the coats and we’ll wait out front for the cab.”

“Mom, don’t be silly you can wait here.”

“No Thomas, I’ve said everything I’m going to say. Goodnight and thank you for dinner.” She took her coat from her daughter and headed for the door.

Lisa hugged Tommy. “I’m sorry TJ, I’ll talk to her, I’ll…”

“Lisa! Come on, the cab will be here soon.”

“Ok. Goodnight Tommy, Adam, I…”

“Just go Lisa, take care of yourself and mom.” Tommy half smiled at his sister as she went to join their mother outside.

As she closed the door, Tommy cried. He couldn’t hold it back any longer. He sank down on the sofa curling himself into the fetal position, hugging his legs tight.

“Oh Tommy, sshh, I’m so sorry.” Adam sat on the edge of the cushion stroking the blonds hair, moving it out of his eyes.

“Why (hic)…why are you sorry? (hic) it’s not your fault.”

“I don’t like seeing you upset.”

“I’ll be ok. I just…hoped they’d be happy for us.”

“I know you did. Give them some time, it was a shock for them to know we were living together. Maybe in a few days they’ll realise that we’re happy and want to see us.”

“No Adam, you don’t know my mom. She’s not going to change her mind. It’ll take a lot for her to do that. We’ll just have to accept that I’m not going to be a part of that family again.”

“Oh baby, come here.” Adam held his arms out. Tommy held on to his boyfriend tightly. “You’re part of my family, _we_ are a family, you and me. And if ever your mom and sister want to come here again then they’ll be welcomed as family too.”

“Adam, I love you so much, thank you.”

“My pleasure.”

“M’sorry dinner was spoilt.”

“Not a problem, I’m sure we can eat it as left overs tomorrow. Don’t worry.”

“How did I get so lucky?”

“We’re both lucky baby, we have each other. And we have your awesome themed night to look forward to as well.”

Tommy smiled. “Yeah we do and it’s going to be amazing because you’ll be there to hear me play.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for anything…not now.”

“Let’s clear up and take the dessert to bed. We can watch a moving whilst we indulge.”

“Sounds good.” Adam stood and within minutes they were snuggled in bed watching _Velvet Goldmine_ and eating strawberries and ice cream.

Tommy kept glancing at his boyfriend, nothing else could go wrong, they had each other.

^V^

Monday saw Tommy rushing around between Sutan’s and work. He’d been back to his own apartment a couple of times too, remembering things that he’d need. Adam had told him he’d buy him new things, but Tommy was stubborn and said no, he’d got a perfectly good razor at his apartment, he’d call and get it.

By the end of his shift he was worn out and all he wanted to do was sleep. He’d promised Adam he’d try his costume on and he was just changing when his phone rang.

“Want me to get it?”

“Please, I’m just in the process of putting my trousers on.” He fell back onto the bed ending in fits of giggles. He felt happier today, his relationship with Adam was great, his work was tiring but he wouldn’t have it any other way. He’d even decided to stop worrying what his mom and Lisa thought, it was his life and he was free to love whomever he wanted. As he was trying to get his foot into the tight bottom of the trouser leg Adam’s head popped around the door.

“Hey baby want a hand?”

“Nah, m’fine…I think. Who was on the phone?”

“Don’t know, they hung up as I answered, no caller ID either.”

“Oh, Ok if it’s important they’ll ring back.”

“So…how’re you doing?” Adam could see he was struggling and was trying his hardest not to giggle at the sight of his lover sprawled out on the bed tangled in a pair of trousers.

“Great! Keep getting my feet stuck in these fuckin’ trousers.” Adam laughed out loud. “Not funny Lambert.” Tommy had got a pair of black and white print trousers that tapered at the ankle and which fitted snugly around said ankle with elastic. He’d tried pulling them on stood up, but his toes had gotten caught at the ankle and he’d fallen back onto the bed. Sutan had told him these would be good as most of the other trousers he had would be too long for his skinny short legs.

After trying to pout, but failing, Tommy had agreed and here he was fighting with them, his boyfriend not helping by giggling at his antics.

“So instead of standing there Mr Lambert, come and help a damsel in distress.”

“So you’re the girl in this relationship are you?”

“Fuck you!”

“Yes please.” Adam raised his eyebrow and smiled wickedly.

“If you don’t get your sexy body over here and help, I’m withholding sex for the next week.”

“In that case. Sit down. Look this is the easiest way to put them on.” Adam showed him that getting hold of the ankle from the inside and scrunching up the leg so his foot would go straight in, was better than just _shoving_ his leg into them.

Mastering that technique, Tommy then put on a plain white t-shirt (Sutan had told him not to go overboard with prints they wouldn’t suit him), he pulled on an electric blue silk bolero jacket. He had to admit he felt kind of silly and was pleased he wasn’t around in the 80’s to wear these clothes.

Zipping it up he looked at himself in the mirror and groaned.

“What’s wrong Tommy Joe?”

“Look stupid.”

“No you don’t you look…”

“Go on admit it…stupid.”

“I was going to say nice.”

“Gee thanks. M’just glad it’s only one night.”

“Aww come here.” Adam held his arms out and Tommy went for a hug.

“So now you’ve seen what I’m wearing when do I get to see yours?”

“Not until Wednesday night. I want it to be a surprise.” He hugged him tight.

“Spoilsport.”

“Yep, besides it’s Adam Ant and you know what he looks like.” He kissed Tommy gently.

“Ok, you’re forgiven. Now go put some coffee on whilst I get changed.”

“How about I get the coffee whilst you get naked and crawl into bed?”

“Mmm even better.” Tommy kissed him quickly and watched as his beautiful man headed towards the kitchen.

He was just crawling under the duvet when his phone rang. Picking it up he saw it was Lisa. He didn’t think he’d hear from her, so this was a nice surprise.

“Hey Lis, is there something wrong?” He flicked it on to speaker as Adam came through the door with their coffee.

Adam put down the mugs and crawled onto the bed to hold Tommy he wanted to be there in case this call didn’t go well.

“No…nothing…not really.”

“What do you mean _not really_?”

“Tommy, I…hell I’m sorry.”

“What for Lisa?”

“Last night.”

“Wasn’t your fault.”

“No, but…”

“But what Lisa, come on, you didn’t ring me to say congratulations did you?” Adam held on tightly he was certain he wasn’t going to like what was coming next.

“Oh Tommy, do you really know what you’re doing. I mean, you’ve only had girlfriends before, are you sure this…this Lambert guy is right for you? Don’t you think you should find another girlfriend, maybe that cute waitress.”

“Lisa Ratliff, I am happy with Adam. I love him, he loves me and no…I don’t think I should find another girlfriend, least of all that waitress.” He looked at Adam mouthing _sorry_.

“Mom is not going to be pleased you said that.”

“Ah, so there we have it. Mom asked you to ring me didn’t she?”

“She may have.”

“No Lisa, no _may_ about it. Come on, tell me the truth.” He heard Lisa sigh.

“Yeah, she asked me to ring. You know she only wants the best for you.”

“Well tell her that me being with Adam is the best thing that’s happened to me for a very long time. If she can’t accept that then I’m sorry for her. I love Adam with all my heart and no one is ever going to change that.”

“Oh Tommy, I…”

“You what?”

“I wish you’d change your mind. She’s lost dad, she doesn’t want to lose you.”

“Fuck Lisa, don’t ever bring dad into this conversation. I miss him every day, and I wish he was still here. Mom hasn’t lost me, I’m still here. It’s her decision not to want to see me, talk to me and it’s not the same thing. Now… if you don’t have anything positive to say I’m ending this call. Goodbye Lisa.” He went to hang up, he could feel tears in his eyes.

“Tommy…wait.”

“What?”

“You’re still my brother and I hope you’ll be happy.”

“I am happy, I have a job I love which is getting better and the best thing of all, I have a man I love who loves me in return.”

“I hope everything goes well for you Tommy.”

“You know where I work if you want to come and see me rather than come here.”

“I may do that one day. Take care of yourself.”

“Yeah, you too sis.” She hung up leaving Tommy and Adam staring at the phone.

“You ok baby?”

Tommy wiped away a stray tear. “Yeah I have you so I’m ok.” He kissed Adam and then watched as his lover undressed and crawled under the duvet to hug him.

Adam’s alarm sounding woke them.

Tommy yawned and stretched. “Morning lover.”

“Morning sweetheart. Did you sleep ok?”

“Yeah surprisingly, after that call.”

“Hey put it behind you, she said she’d go see you at work so all’s not lost with Lisa.”

“No, you’re right.” He kissed him. “What have you got planned for today?”

“Oh mom has invited us around to lunch.” Tommy looked disappointed. “What’s the matter Tommy Joe?”

“Meant to say last night, I have to go into work today. We’ve got to rehearse some songs for tomorrow night. M’sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, it’s your job and I know how much you love it. Why don’t I come and pick you up when you finish?”

“That would be great. We’ve cancelled open mic tonight so I should be finished around 7.30.”

“Awesome, then how about we go out for a meal?”

“If you feel you…”

“Tommy if I don’t start going out now, I never will. I’ll book us a table at Lamills, they have secluded booths, remember?”

Tommy smiled, “yeah I remember, our first coffee together…”

“Mmm seems a long time ago now.”

“But it’s only been a few weeks.”

“Yeah but what an amazing few weeks.” He kissed the blond then got out of bed.

“Where you going?”

“Put coffee on then how about a shower?”

“Sounds like the best idea ever.” Tommy remained under the duvet until Adam got back.

Standing under the hot spray, Tommy let Adam wash his hair. It felt good, strong fingers pressing his scalp. He moaned, Adam kissed his neck, turned him around and the next thing Tommy realized was Adam on his knees, his lips around a fast hardening dick.

“Shiiiiit…Adam!”

Adam hummed around Tommy’s length and as the blond looked down he locked eyes with his lover. Seeing Adam’s mouth stretched and moving up and down his dick was the hottest thing he’d seen for a long time. He braced himself against the shower wall hoping his legs wouldn’t give up on him. He could feel Adam’s tongue licking and dipping into the slit every time he reached the tip. Tommy wasn’t going to last much longer. He looked down again just as Adam wrapped a hand around his own length.

“F.U.C.K! Adam, not…going…to…aargh!” he came, shooting his seed down his lovers’ throat, Adam swallowing every last drop.

Tommy watched as his lovers’ hand kept up the rhythm on his own dick, coming mere seconds after he’d released Tommy from his mouth.

Adam collapsed onto the shower floor his hand slowing down. Tommy slid down the wall to join him, the hot spray washing away the remnants of Adam’s come.

“Nngh wanted to give you back what you’ve just given me.” Tommy kissed him tasting himself on his boyfriends tongue.

“Mmm but this morning was just for you baby, wanted to show how much I love you and no matter what your mom says you are the best thing that’s happened to me for a long time.”

“Oh Adam, I don’t care whether mom approves or not, I’m living _my_ life and no one is going to take you away from me.”

For all of Tommy’s words about his mother, Adam knew deep down that he did care what she said, he just didn’t want to upset him.

“So…how about we go get dry and have that coffee before you go to work?”

“Mmm if my legs will carry me.”

Adam smiled, climbed out of the shower then picked Tommy up and carried him into the bedroom. Tommy squeaked and Adam laughed.

Adam dropped him off at Bar 39 an hour later, telling him to have a good day and make sure they picked some good songs for the following night. Tommy hadn’t told him but they were going to play _Prince Charming_ hoping that Adam would sing it for them.

As Tommy was taking his jacket off he felt something in his pocket. _Shit, I forgot to give Adam his present._ He smiled, they were going out to dinner that night he’d give him it then. He’d completely forgotten it with the hassles of his mother.

“Morning TJ, how did dinner with your mom and sister go?”

“Oh hi Mike. Short answer…crap!”

“What happened?”

Tommy went behind the bar, got two coffees then sat down and told Mike everything.

“Oh shit Tommy, I’m sorry.”

“It’s her loss Mike. I love Adam and if they can’t see that well…”

“Do you think Lisa will come see you?”

“To be honest Mike, I don’t know, that’s up to her. I’m not going to ring or contact her. If she wants to talk to me then she knows where to find me.”

“Oh Tommy…”

“No Mike, I’m happy with Adam. Can we just leave it there please?”

“Sure, but you know where I am if you want to talk.”

“Thanks.”

“So how’s it going living with him then?”

“Living with who? Tommy what aren’t you telling us?”

“Hi Ash, Mmm yeah, sorry. With everything happening yesterday I forgot to tell you. I’ve um…well…I’ve moved in with Mitchel.”

“Yay! Way to go TJ. So pleased for you.” She hugged him.

“Thanks, we’re seeing how things go and if everything’s alright then I’m gonna sell my apartment.”

“You’re going to be fine. There’s nothing going to stop you, you’re too much in love.”

Tommy blushed. “Yeah, I never thought I’d ever feel like this but…”

“It suits you TJ, good on ya.”

“Ok, enough of my private life, let’s rehearse. I know we had a list of tracks to do but would you guys mind if I changed one?”

“Not a problem Tommy, what have you got in mind?”

“Could we drop _Wild Boys_ and replace it with _Prince Charming_?”

“I love Adam and the Ants, sure you have my vote.”

“Thanks Ash. I have my reasons, but can’t say just yet.”

“Not a problem.”

Rehearsals went well, and by six, everyone was feeling good for the following night.

“Hey guys do ya mind if I disappear? Mitchel is taking me out to dinner.”

Choruses of _go for it_ and _hot date_ had Tommy laughing as he rang Adam.

Adam answered on the second ring. “Hey baby is everything alright?”

“Yeah, couldn’t be better. We’ve finished rehearsing, wanna come and pick me up?”

“Sure, I’ll be there in 20 minutes, still at mom’s. She says hi by the way and that offer still stands. She says you’ll know what she means.”

“I do, and tell her thanks, but gonna let things cool down for a bit. See what happens.”

“Ok, I’ll tell her. I’ll be there soon baby, love you.”

“See you soon, love you too.” He disconnected as whistles and cheers filled the bar.

“So happy for you TJ. You know we’re only having a giggle.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m going to wait outside for Mitchel, I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

“Yep, see ya TJ.”

Tommy left them talking, no doubt about him, but he didn’t care he was happy.

^V^

As he waited he put his hand in his pocket making sure the velvet pouch was still safely there. He smiled hoping Adam liked it. He wasn’t able to buy things as expensive as Adam did but it was certainly bought with love. He jumped when he heard a car horn sound, but as he turned he saw it was Adam pulling into the parking lot. As Tommy deposited his guitar in the trunk he hoped he was dressed ok for Lamills, he remembered it was more upmarket than his usual coffee shop. Getting in the car he looked at his lover, he was dressed in black leather pants, which Tommy knew would have Adam going commando as he hated lines under his clothes. Tommy shifted in his seat, his jeans had become decidedly tight thinking of Adam naked under the leather. His shirt was deep red spotty silk, the spots very close together masking the darker red underneath. The sleeves were rolled up to just above his elbows showing off his full tattoo sleeve on his right arm and the half sleeve on his left arm.

Tommy’s breath hitched, his boyfriend was stunning, how had he gotten so lucky?

“You ok Tommy Joe?” Adam leant across and kissed him.

“Mmm I’m good, just drinking in your beauty.”

Adam laughed, “oh Tommy I’m not beautiful.”

“Yes you are, to me you’re the most gorgeous man I know.”

Adam giggled, “Aww thank you baby.”

“You’re welcome. I love hearing you giggle.”

“I have a lot to laugh about. I have a gorgeous man in my life, he’s moved in with me and I’m finally feeling as though everything is going well again and there’s nothing that will change that.”

Tommy squeezed Adam’s hand. “I know how you feel, I’ve decided that if mom and Lisa want to be in my life then they can contact me. I’ve moved on, I’m happy with who I am and who I’m with and yeah…nothing or no one is going to change that. Although, there is one problem.”

Adam looked worried. “Oh, what’s that?”

“I’m…well under dressed for Lamills.”

“Baby, you look amazing.”

“But you, you look stunning. I’ve just got my favourite jeans on and a Depeche Mode t-shirt. I feel…”

“You’re gorgeous to me Tommy Joe and if anyone says any different they’ll have me to contend with. So…come on let’s go eat.”

Tommy’s stomach grumbled and they both laughed.

When they finally arrived at the restaurant Tommy hesitated before he got out.

“Something wrong Tommy?”

“What…what if there’s someone…you know…watching.”

“If you mean photographers, stop worrying. We’re two men going for a meal. Nothing wrong with that.”

“But…”

“Stop worrying Tommy Joe, we’re going to be fine. Now…let’s go otherwise I expect your stomach will start complaining again.”

They started laughing. Adam couldn’t believe how much Tommy could eat and not gain weight.

As they walked across the parking lot Adam’s hand brushed against Tommy’s and the next thing he realized was Adam’s hand gently holding his. He smiled this felt so good.

Adam held the door open for Tommy and heading towards the Maître‘d Tommy felt an arm wind around his waist. He sub-consciously leant into the warmth that was his boyfriend.

“Ah Mr Lambert, good evening. So nice to see you again.”

“Thank you, I have a table booked.”

“Yes Sir, if you’ll both just follow me. May I say it’s good to see you smiling again and I’m sure this young man is the reason for it?”

“Yeah he is. May I introduce Tommy Joe.”

The Maître’d smiled, “good evening Tommy, may I say thank you from all of us here. It’s so nice to see Mr Lambert happy again. I did wonder when you were both here the other week…but it’s not my place to say anything.”

“That’s ok James, I’m thankful for all you did for me back then. I have Tommy to thank for a great deal.” Adam looked at the blond and smiled.

“Well good luck to both of you and enjoy your meal. If there’s anything I can do for you just let me know.” He handed them a menu and left to attend to other customers.

Tommy watched as James left them. “Wow, and I thought you’d only been here a couple of times before. Seems as though they all know you.”

“M’sorry baby, when we first met I didn’t want them exposing who I was so I rang them and they went along with my story.” He looked embarrassed.

“Adam, look at me.”

“I feel so stupid Tommy…I…”

Tommy held onto Adam’s hand. “You were only protecting yourself. You didn’t know who I was. Didn’t know how things would turn out. I understand.”

“You’re amazing.” Adam reached over the table and kissed his boyfriend. Tommy pulled away looking around. “Relax, no one can see us and anyway all they’d see was two men who are very much in love with one another.”

Tommy’s stomach growled again and he giggled. “We’d better order otherwise people are gonna think that’s an earthquake!”

During the meal they talked, laughed and just ate in silence. Each lost in their own thoughts or just staring at each other, so much love radiating across the table.

As their waitress cleared away their empty dessert plates, Tommy picked up his jacket.

“Something wrong baby?”

“What…sorry…no, just looking for something.”

“Well if you’re thinking about offering to pay towards dinner, don’t, this is my treat to make up for our spoilt dinner last night.”

“But…”

“No Tommy, please let me buy my lover dinner.”

As reluctant as he was to let Adam pay, he knew he wouldn’t take any money from him. Rummaging in his pocket he found what he’d been looking for. “Ok, but next time it’s my treat and before you say anything, I can afford to buy us a meal.”

“I’m sure you can, but I like buying you things.” Adam reached for Tommy’s hand again.

“And I like buying you things too. I went shopping a couple of days ago and was going to give you this Sunday night, but with everything that happened, you know, with mom and Lisa I forgot.” He pushed the black velvet pouch across the table.

“What’s this?”

“For you, to show how much I love you.”

“But I know Tommy Joe. I don’t need…”

“I know you don’t, but I wanted to. It’s um…” he played with his bracelet. “What I mean is…”

“If you’re going to say it’s not expensive, I don’t care. It’s from you, chosen with care by you, chosen with love.” Adam reached over and took the bag. Letting go of Tommy’s hand he opened it carefully. Tipping the contents into his hand Adam smiled, “it’s gorgeous.”

Tommy blushed. “You’re not just saying that?”

“No baby, I love it. Thank you. Would you fasten it for me?” He held his arm out and Tommy fastened it around his left wrist. It was similar to the one Adam had bought him, black plaited leather. The middle strand was plain but the outside plaits had the infinity symbol on one and a disc on the other with the word LOVE engraved on it.

When Tommy had finished closing the clasp Adam looked at it carefully. “I love it, thank you.”

“Are you sure, because I can…”

“No Tommy, you’re not returning it, it’s staying right where it is so everyone can see it.” Tommy blushed again. “Nngh Tommy, what you do to me when you blush like that. How about we go home to bed?”

“Mmm I’d like that.” He stood and without thinking held his hand out for Adam to take.

Instinctively Adam took it and they headed towards the bar to pay their bill. The Maître’d thanked them for the generous tip and wished them both well for the future. As they were leaving Tommy noticed a couple watching them and pointing. He didn’t care, he was happy and in love.

They seemed to make it home in record time and shedding their clothes through the apartment, they were naked by the time they got to the bedroom.

Kissing and stroking bare skin it wasn’t long before Tommy was lying on the bed, Adam above him making sweet love to him. What began slowly soon transformed into frantic movements, both men coming within seconds of one another each screaming the others’ name as they did.

Sated and shining with sweat, Adam turned to his lover. “Thank you Tommy.”

“What have you to thank me for now?”

“Showing me it’s ok to love again, to be who I want to be and most of all saying yes to moving in with me. I’m just sorry things didn’t work out with your mom and sister.”

“Not going to think about them, you’re all that matters. And as for showing you, those things it works both ways. I knew there were things missing in my life, but finding you I’ve found myself too.” Tommy yawned. “M’sorry.”

“You never have to say sorry. Sex with you is amazing and I know it’s not personal when you fall asleep afterwards, let’s sleep we can shower in the morning. Besides you have a long day tomorrow. I’m looking forward to seeing you play.” He kissed his man.

“Mmm and I’m looking forward to having you there with me. I hope your mom and Sutan enjoy themselves too.”

“I’m sure they will. Now come here, wanna cuddle you as we sleep.”

Tommy moved closer, wrapping his arms around Adam it wasn’t long before sleep overtook both of them.

^V^

They were sat having breakfast when Tommy’s phone rang. Without looking at the caller ID he answered, “Good morning, Tommy’s phone.”

Nothing.

“Hello, is there someone there?” Adam touched his arm, a questioning look on his face.

Still nothing.

“Look, if there’s someone there you’d better speak now or I’m hanging up.”

Again, nothing.

“Ok you’ve had your time.” He hung up and threw the phone down on the breakfast bar. “Stupid kids. Don’t know what they expect to achieve from calls like that.”

“Did you check the caller ID?”

Tommy picked up his phone and checked the log. It was an unidentified number. “They withheld their number.”

Adam saw the worrying look on his boyfriends face and went to hold him. “Hey, come on, like you said probably some stupid kids.” He kissed him.

“Yeah, you’re right. All forgotten.” Tommy turned to face Adam. “I have to be at Bar 39 for 4.30 this afternoon for a sound check. Are you coming with me or are you meeting up with your mom and Sutan?”

“I’m going to Sutan’s to get ready, then we’re both picking mom up.”

“So are you going to tell me what your costume is like?”

“Nope.” Adam smiled, he was finding it difficult saying no to Tommy when he looked into his beautiful brown eyes.

“Aww you’re a spoilsport. You’ve seen what I’m gonna be wearing…pleeeeaase” Tommy batted his eyelids.

“Nope.” Adam had to move away he could feel his resolve crumbling.

“Lambert you’re a tease.” Tommy pouted.

“And pouting isn’t going to work either.”

Tommy laughed and began clearing away their pots.

The rest of the day was spent with Tommy making sure he had everything ready for that night. He’d hidden the set list from Adam, he didn’t want him seeing _Prince Charming_ and putting two and two together.

Adam watched as Tommy flitted about the apartment. He’d rung Sutan to see what time he needed to be there. He was going to drop Tommy off and then go to his friends.

By 2.30 Tommy had everything ready, his costume was in a suit bag and he flopped down onto the sofa next to Adam.

“Wow, didn’t think this night was going to be so tiring and we’re not even at the club yet.”

“Aww baby everything is going to be ok, stop worrying.”

“I know, I just want everything to go well for Craig’s sake. He’s put so much into this Club I’d hate to see this crazy idea be a very wrong idea.”

“That’s not going to happen. From what I’ve seen and what you’ve told me, the club is doing really well and if this goes as good as I think it will he’ll have great opportunities to do more.” He leant across and kissed him.

“I really hope so.” Tommy kissed him back, hoping that the plan he had would work too.

As he wound his arms around Adam’s neck, deepening the kiss, his phone rang again. “Fuck!”

“Want me to get it?”

“Nah, could be someone from work.”

“K, I’ll get us a drink, coffee ok?” Tommy nodded.

Picking up his phone, “Tommy speaking.”

Nothing.

“This is getting fucking ridiculous now. If you have something to say, say it now or I’m hanging up. And if you ever call me again I’m going to the police.”

Nothing.

“Ok, you’ve had your fun. I’ve got a busy night at work tonight, so piss off and leave me alone.” He hung up.

Adam came through with the coffees. “Hey you ok Tommy Joe?”

Tommy smiled. “Yeah, m’ok, just pisses me off when people think they can screw with your life.”

“Like you said before, kids fooling around.” Adam pulled his boyfriend close. Whoever it was they were beginning to upset his lover.

“I hope you’re right, I don’t want anything to hurt us.”

“Tommy, look at me.” Adam put his finger under Tommy’s chin and gently lifted his face so they were looking into each others eyes. “You’re thinking too much baby.”

“What…what do you mean?”

“You’re thinking about your mom and Lisa aren’t you?” Tommy nodded. “Everything will be ok, you’ll see. Your mom will realise that you’re happy and will be in touch. You said Lisa was ok when you spoke to her the other day?”

“Yeah, she was, kinda. She is still under mom’s influence but I think she’s slowly realizing that mom’s not always right.”

“There you go, I’m sure Lisa will talk to her and tell her how happy you are.”

Tommy smiled but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Thank you Adam. You always know how to make things better.”

“My pleasure. Now drink your coffee. Do you want anything to eat before you go to work?”

“Nah, I’ll grab something at the Bar.”

“Ok. I’m sorry.”

“What for Adam?”

“I feel as though this is my fault.”

“Whoa, hold it right there Mr Lambert. Don’t you start blaming yourself for my mom’s stubbornness, she’s the one who should be apologizing to you…to both of us.” He kissed him gently. Pulling away, “as much as I’d love to stay and continue with that, I do have to go to work.”

“Mmm, I know, and I have to get to Sutans. I’d hate for Raja to appear and beat my ass for being late.” He giggled.

“I’d be so jealous, I’m the only one allowed to beat your ass.”

“Nngh, if you keep talking like that neither of us will be at Bar 39 tonight.”

“How about I take your ass when we get home later?”

“Shit Tommy Joe, your ideas are amazing. Ok I’ll wait, but once we’re home you’ll not sleep for the rest of the night.”

“And wouldn’t want to either, not with your beautiful dick in my ass.” Tommy palmed a hand over the swelling in Adam’s jeans, then kissed him before he got off the sofa to get his things from their bedroom.

“You’re a tease Tommy Joe Ratliff and I promise you won’t be able to sit down for a week once I’ve finished with your ass tonight.”

“Promises, promises.” Tommy was laughing as he appeared carrying his guitar and costume. “I’ll hold you to that promise Mr Lambert. Now we have to get going, I want your ass in one piece tonight.” He wiggled his nonexistent ass at Adam and laughed when he heard Adam giggling. It was a beautiful sound.

As they pulled up in the parking lot of Bar 39 Tommy turned to face Adam. “I’m so proud of you.”

“What’s brought this on?”

“I can’t begin to know what you’ve gone through, are still going through, but you’re a different man to when I first met you. And you coming to listen tonight means a lot to me.”

“I’m a different person because of you. I dread to think what would have happened if you hadn’t stopped me taking those pills.”

“I’m a different person too. I’ve finally realized who I am and I have you to thank for that.”

Adam pulled him close and kissed him.

As their kiss deepened they were both surprised by a banging on the window. Tommy squeaked, Adam laughed and Tommy glared at him.

“If you ever…ever tell anyone I squeak when startled I’ll withhold sex for a month!” He raised his eyebrows and grinned.

“K…ok…I know when I’m beaten, no telling of the squeaking.”

The person knocked again. “If you don’t put him down Ratliff I’ll send Ash out here to get you. You can have all the sex you want after tonight.”

Tommy laughed, “it’s Mike my best friend.”

Adam opened his door. Tommy put a hand on his arm to stop him. “It’s ok baby, Mike knows doesn’t he?” Tommy nodded, Adam got out of the car. “Hello Mike I’m…”

“You’re Adam, so very nice to meet you finally. Can I just say thank you. You have made me one very happy person.”

“Oh and how…?”

“You’ve taken Tommy off my hands and put a smile back on his face. I was getting earache listening to his sob stories of failed hook ups!” Tommy groaned then slapped Mike. “Ouch TJ, what was that for?”

Adam was laughing so hard his sides were hurting. “Ladies please!”

Tommy and Mike stopped talking then looked at Adam and in unison shouted “M’not a lady!”

“Oh Tommy you most definitely aren’t…you’re…”

“Stop right there Adam, I really don’t want to hear about TJ’s sex life thank you very much.” Mike shuddered, Tommy blushed.

“Ok, now you guys have had your fun at my expense, Adam this is Mike Nash…Nash this is Adam Lambert.” Adam and Mike shook hands.

“Seriously though Adam, I want to thank you for making Tommy the happiest guy around. He was a miserable little shit before he met you.” Mike moved quickly as Tommy tried to slap him again.

“No Mike, it’s me who thanks Tommy every day for saving me.” Adam pulled Tommy close. “Has Tommy…did he…?”

Mike looked at Tommy who nodded. “Yeah he told me, and I’m so very sorry you had to go through all of that.”

“Thank you Mike. But…now I have Tommy Joe and I couldn’t be happier.” He kissed the blond.

“Ew boys get a room!”

“We intend to later.” Adam kissed him again as they heard Mike laugh.

“I’m sorry to break up a beautiful couple, but I really do need to kidnap TJ and take him into work.”

Adam let Tommy go, “He’s all yours Mike, thank you.”

“For what?

“Not saying anything to anyone and accepting me into Tommy’s life.”

“Hey, it’s not my place to say anything. And if he loves you then that’s great.”

Adam shook Mikes hand again then turned to Tommy. “I’ll see you later baby.”

“Yeah I can’t wait to see your costume.”

“Are you coming back tonight?”

“I sure am. I wouldn’t miss Tommy dressing up for anything, plus I’ve heard he’s a shit hot guitarist too and want to hear for myself.”

“I’ll see you later Adam. Message me when you’re on your way and I’ll meet you at the door.”

“Ok baby, see you later. Love you.” He kissed him quickly.

“Yeah, I love you too.” Tommy picked up his guitar and bag then he and Mike headed into the Club.

Adam got back in the car, pleased with himself for not freaking out when Mike told him he knew who he was. As he pulled out of the parking lot he knew that tonight was going to be a good night and the beginning of a new chapter in both their lives.

^V^

Adam arrived at his friends still smiling at how well he’d handled meeting Tommy’s friend and not freaking out. He wasn’t expecting Sutan to be waiting at the door for him.

“Well I’m not going to ask what’s put a smile on your face sweetie? I don’t want to know how much sex you’ve had today.”

“Sutan, hi, and why should my smiling always mean I’ve had sex?”

“Because vayvee, you have a hot cute blond in your bed.” Sutan held his arms out pulling Adam into a hug as he got close enough.

“Oh…but…we haven’t…”

“No, no, no my delicate ears don’t want to know.”

Adam laughed. “Sutan, I’m smiling because I feel great. I love Tommy Joe and I’ve just met his best friend who actually knows who I am and…well I didn’t freak out.”

Sutan hugged him tighter. “Honey I’m so happy for you and I love hearing you laugh again. Tommy is a beautiful man and I’m so pleased he’s been there for you.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without him now. I know it’s only been a few weeks, but…”

Sutan held his friend at arms length and looking into his eyes, “It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known him, I can see what you have is special and we all fall in love differently. So take it one day at a time and enjoy.”

“You’ve been talking to my mom.”

“How so vayvee?”

“She said exactly the same thing…one day at a time.”

“It’s true, we all know how delicate life can be. You more than anyone.” He saw something flash across Adam’s eyes. “Hey baby I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you, I know you loved Alex.”

“M’sorry, it’s just I don’t think about him every waking minute now, and well you just reminded me about him.”

“Aww I’m sorry, but it’s a good thing that you don’t always think _what if_ you have Tommy and he wouldn’t…”

“He knows how much I loved him and he lets me talk about him whenever I want.”

“He’s just gone up in my esteem, you have such an amazing boyfriend, so don’t let go. He’s a keeper.”

“Yeah he is, and that’s why I’m going tonight, I want to show him I can be there for him like he’s been there for me.”

“And I’ll be right there with you and so will your beautiful mom.”

“Speaking of tonight, come on let’s go get partied up.”

Arm in arm they headed upstairs to Sutan’s apartment above the club and after lots of giggles and a little bit of tequila the pair were ready.

“So Adam Mitchel Lambert, what do you think of your transformation?”

Adam looked at himself in the mirror. “Wow!”

“I’ll take that as an approval?”

“Fuck yeah, I approve. Thank you so much Sutan.”

“Hey, my pleasure, I’m just so happy to see you having fun again.”

Adam looked at his watch, “we’d better go pick mom up, don’t want to be late getting to Bar 39, want to be there before the crowd start arriving.”

“Ok, let’s go. This gurl is ready to partay.”

Still laughing, they headed towards Adam’s car. People in the street stared at them, smiling. Adam and Sutan waved at the ones who stopped and stared.

“You’d think they hadn’t seen Adam Ant and his lovely lady.” They giggled again. “I can’t wait for Tommy to see you honey, he’s gonna be blown away.

“Mmm and I might get him to blow me later too.”

“Ewww Lambert, this girls delicate ears!” Sutan feigned a shudder. “Seriously, I’m happy for you. At least one of us is getting regular sex.” Adam smiled and Sutan’s heart swelled, he’d not seen his boy so happy for a very long time and it suited him.

As they drove to Leila’s they chatted about Alex, Tommy and what the future held in store for Adam with regards his music. Sutan silently hoped that Tommy would be able to help him with his confidence. Leila was waiting for them and they both agreed she looked stunning.

“Hey mom, you look amazing.”

“Aw thank you sweetie, you both look great too.”

“Are you looking forward to tonight then boys?”

“I can’t wait to hear Tommy play, I know he’s played for me at home but this is going to be so different.”

“And you’re sure you’re ok with being there tonight?”

“Mom, I need to do this, it’s time I stopped shutting myself away from the world. I know…” He looked down at this costume. “…I know I’m dressed up, but…it’s a start. Tonight is the beginning of my new life with Tommy. Now he’s moved in I feel…well I’ve not been this happy for a very long time.”

“Honey I’m so happy for you both. I…well has…”

“What is it mom?”

“I, well I don’t want to dwell on it tonight, but has Tommy heard from his mom and sister?”

Adam sighed, “not really, he’s spoken to Lisa and we think she’s ok, but not his mom. She doesn’t want anything to do with us.”

“Give her time, she’ll come around.”

“I hope so, I really do hope so.”

“You could always bring her around to Raja’s.” Adam and Leila looked shocked and as Sutan pouted they laughed out loud. “Right Lambert, let’s get you to your boyfriend and show him how hot you’re looking.”

They weren’t long before they were pulling into the parking lot. A crowd was beginning to form at the front, Adam knew they wouldn’t be allowed in through the front not with people there already so he messaged Tommy.

**Hey baby, we’re outside, there’s a long queue already, want to meet us at the door?**

Tommy must have been waiting for the message because he answered straight back.

**Hey gorgeous, wanna come to the back door, don’t want a riot when we let you in before anyone else. Besides want you to myself for a while before the night begins.**

“He’s asking us to go around the back, he’ll let us in there.”

“Oh I’m sure he likes letting you in the back!” Sutan wiggled his eyebrows.

“Sutan Amrull, please, there’s a lady present.” Leila tried to look shocked but couldn’t help giggling.

“But…I…sorry Leila.”

“Hey Sutan, I know what my son gets up to, I was just kidding.” She laughed at the look on their friends face.

“Sutan I tell my mom everything. She’s my best friend.” Adam squeezed his mom’s hand then messaged Tommy they were on their way.

As Tommy opened the door he was greeted with the most amazing sight.

“Wow, you guys look fantastic. Adam, you…wow.”

“You already said that Tommy. Are you gonna let us in or do we just stand here all night?”

“Oh…um…sorry.” Tommy moved to the side to let them in.

Adam stopped, waited until Tommy had closed the door then pulled him in for a kiss.

“Hey baby I missed you.”

“It’s not long since you saw me.”

“I know, but I still missed you.”

“You look absolutely amazing, Sutan’s such a perfectionist.”

“He’s brilliant, and that’s why I trust and love him.”

“Are you ready for this?”

“Yeah baby I am. I’m looking forward to hearing you play, and hopefully dressed like this no-one will recognize the real me.”

Adam was wearing sparkling silver leather pants, thigh high black patent riding boots, around the waist of the pants was tied a red satin sash. His coat was a black double breasted tail coat with highly polished silver buttons holding it closed. The cuffs were deep red with two stripes of gold braiding, the sleeves of his black lace shirt hung low to his knuckles and were ruffled. The lapels of the coat were embroidered in silver. Around his neck was a white silk cravat which hung down slightly over the lapels. In his ears were long red feathers and his hair had been slightly curled and held in place with some sort of product. It looked messy but Tommy remembered pictures he’d seen of Adam Ant and he always thought his hair looked untidy. Above Adam’s left eye, Sutan had painted a tiny red heart. On his left cheek it looked as though some woman wearing red lipstick had kissed him. Tommy knew it would have been Sutan, and he smiled. On his right cheek were two red lines with a white line painted down the centre. His whole make up was complimented with smokey grey eye shadow, black eyeliner and light pink gloss on his lips. For the first time since Tommy had met him he noticed Adam’s nails were painted black.

“You look stunning, Sutan has done an amazing transformation. Come on, let’s go meet everyone else and see what they think.” He took hold of Adam’s hand. “You ready?” He could feel the tension in his lovers hand and he didn’t want to force him to do this.

“Yeah baby, I’m ready, it’s now or never.”

“Remember I love you and if it all gets over whelming, Craig has said you can use his office. He doesn’t know yet who you are, I’m sorry I’ve not had time to tell him. But he said earlier if you weren’t feeling good you can go hide in there.”

“Thank you baby, but I’m determined not to let _anything_ spoil tonight for us. And as for telling Craig, I said it was up to you, when you thought the time was right.”

Tommy kissed him, “come on then let’s go meet everyone.”

They made their way into the club, Adam winding an arm around Tommy’s shoulders.

Ashley was the first to see them. “Hey TJ you didn’t tell me Adam Ant was going to be here tonight? How did you manage that?”

“Ashley D, this is Mitchel, my boyfriend and well, we wanted it to be a surprise.”

“Well hello Mitchel, I’m so happy to finally meet you, and wow you look stunning.”

“Thank you, I was hoping I looked ok.”

“More than ok. If you weren’t so in love with TJ here I’d definitely fall for you.”

Adam blushed. “Hands off my boyfriend Miss D.”

“Oh believe me TJ, I wouldn’t want to cross our badass guitarist.” She quickly kissed both Tommy and Adam then left them as they went to find Leila and Sutan.

They spotted them at the bar. You couldn’t really miss them. A tall slim figure dressed in tight black satin pants with purple ruffles that started just below the knee and flared out to the ankle. The top half was encased in a cropped top in the same colour purple. It was tied just underneath the woman’s breasts. Tommy didn’t know how he did it but Raja was the whole package and if he didn’t know better he’d be convinced Leila was with another female. The top had long sleeves which flared out from the elbow. He…sorry she looked stunning, as did Leila. She was wearing very high heels, a liquid silk electric blue and black Rha Rha skirt and an off the shoulder black satin top.

Tommy marveled at the support Adam had from his mother. He just wished his mom was the same. But he wasn’t going to let that bother him tonight. No, he was with the man he loved doing the job he loved.

“Hey Leila, Raja, have you got yourselves a drink?”

“Sure sweetie, it’s a great place this.”

“Why thank you ma’am.” Craig had appeared behind the bar. “I’m Craig, the owner, and you are…?”

“Oh m’sorry Craig, this is Mitchel, Leila his mom and this…this is the beautiful Raja.”

“Oh my _the_ Raja from…?”

“Helloooo handsome. Yes I’m Raja and by that I take it you’ve heard of me?”

“Most definitely and I’m so pleased to meet you.”

Raja held out her hand and Craig kissed her fingers. It took Tommy took all his willpower not to giggle.

“So TJ why didn’t you tell me you knew Raja?”

“Sorry Craig, just got so busy I completely forgot.”

“Well you’re forgiven. Raja, if you’d allow me, I’d like to buy you a drink, would you care to join me at my table?” He looked at the tall figure before him.

“It would be my pleasure you beautiful man.”

“Why don’t you all join me, we can watch the show together?”

“Thank you, that would be lovely.” Leila smiled, she knew the reasons for not telling Craig who Adam was, she hoped he wouldn’t be angry when he found out.

As they all made their way to Craig’s booth, Tommy’s phone rang. He looked at Adam who squeezed his shoulder.

“Tommy’s phone.”

Nothing.

“For fuck sake, this is getting utterly crazy now. Luckily for you I’m at work, but believe me, in the morning I’m calling the police.” Whoever it was hung up. “Shit!”

“Everything alright Tommy?”

“Not really been getting a few of those calls. No-one there. We thought it was kids messing about, but it’s getting more regular now. I’ve had enough, gonna ring the cops tomorrow.”

“You going to be ok for tonight?”

“Yes Mitchel I’ll be fine, I’m not going to let anything or anyone spoil this amazing night.”

^V^

Tommy sat close to Adam as the crowd started to fill up Bar 39. He could sense the tension in his boyfriend’s body. Rubbing his leg against Adam’s, Tommy looked at him. Even dressed as Adam Ant he was still gorgeous.

Adam had been fine when they’d all sat down, now the crowd were piling into the bar he began to feel as though butterflies had taken up residence in his stomach and were rehearsing for Riverdance. He felt Tommy’s leg rub against his and looking towards his boyfriend they locked eyes.

“Are you going to be ok?”

Adam could see the concern in Tommy’s eyes. “Yeah baby, it’s been a long time since I’ve been out in such a crowd of people.”

“You could always get your mom to take you home.”

“No Tommy, I have to do this. I have to prove to myself that nothing is going to go wrong if I go out in public.”

“Well remember you could always disappear to Craig’s office.”

“I know and I’m grateful to him for that. But I want to be here for you.”

“And you are, I’m so proud of you.”

Adam blushed. “I couldn’t do it without you.” He leant across and kissed him.

“Get a room.” Raja laughed.

Pulling apart, both of them saw all their friends and family smiling at them.

“You make a gorgeous couple.”

“Thanks Ash.”

“Now how about we get this show on the road? I can see Matt in need of rescuing from that brunette at the bar.”

They all looked for their singer and sure enough the girl he was standing with was all over him. They couldn’t tell whether he was smiling or grimacing.

“Isaac why don’t you go rescue him, Ash and I will go tune up, then we can get started.”

“K, I’ll drag him kicking and screaming no matter what.”

“We’re doing two sets tonight, each lasting about 45 minutes. Are you sure…”

“Tommy Joe, go do what you do best, I’m going to sit here and listen to the best guitarist around.”

“M’not the best but I do try.”

“You’re the best to me baby. Go slay ‘em.” He kissed him quickly then watched as his lover headed towards the wings.

Raja moved closer, “you ok?”

“Yeah, I am. Didn’t think I’d be able to do this but…”

“You have a good man in Tommy and your family are right behind you.”

“Yeah, he is good for me and I love my family for standing by me these past few months.”

“We’re always here for you, no matter how low you are. That’s what friends and family do.” He hugged Adam just as the band played their opening chord.

The small group around Craig’s table sat back and listened. They were good, Adam had heard Tommy’s skills when he’d played for him but listening to him play with the rest of them he realized how amazing his boyfriend was. If things were different Adam would certainly have Tommy playing guitar for him, hell no, he’d also have him as his Musical Director.

As the crowd warmed to the music Adam relaxed more, and began singing along to the brilliant songs they’d chosen. Sutan and Leila kept exchanging glances and smiling. They were happy that Adam could enjoy himself and be singing as well. If Craig noticed the dark haired man’s amazing voice he didn’t say anything, he remembered the last time the man had sung and then run. He didn’t want to spoil the night for anyone, especially Tommy.

All too soon the first part was over and the crowd were going crazy wanting more. Matt managed to calm them down.

“Ladies and gentlemen…wow…thank you for such an amazing reception to all those songs. We’re going to take a break, recharge our batteries and I promise you we’ll be back on stage in 30 minutes. In the meantime please enjoy yourselves and we’ll see you soon.” He left the stage to more cheers and clapping.

When Tommy sat down next to Adam the taller man pulled him into a hug. “Baby you were awesome up there.”

“Thank you. I love the adrenalin rush I get playing for a crowd who appreciate live music. That’s why I could never be a studio musician.”

“I know what you mean about playing for an audience. I…I used to feel the same.” He stopped, looked to see who could have heard him, but they were all engrossed in their own conversations.

“Hey Adam, look at me.” Tommy turned Adam’s head back to face him. “It’s ok you know?” Adam looked confused. “It’s ok to miss something you loved doing. I know it must be difficult for you.”

“Oh Tommy, I never thought I’d say this, but yeah, I do miss singing. It hit me tonight watching you and Matt and everyone up there, how amazing it would be for you to be my guitarist. Then…then I remembered why I stopped singing.” He looked at their joined hands.

“I’d gladly be your guitarist anytime you want to get back on stage. And I know you’re thinking about Alex, but he would want you to be happy and if being on stage is what makes you happy then one day you will do it, and I’ll be right there with you…for you.”

“Tommy Joe Ratliff you are a wise and beautiful man, which is why I love you so much.”

“Nah, not wise, just a badass guitarist.” He kissed Adam, but was interrupted by a tap on the shoulder.

“Whatever it is, leave me alone, I’m just kissing my gorgeous boyfriend.”

“I’m sorry Tommy, you’ll just have to put him down, we have a problem.”

Tommy stopped kissing his man and turned towards Isaac. “This had better be important Isaac, my boyfriend…”

“Tommy it’s Matt.”

“What about him?” Tommy was worried now.

“He’s with that girl again.”

“Let him have some fun.”

“It’s not fun what I think I’ve just seen her do.”

Tommy was now staring over to the bar. He could see Matt with a drink in his hand, the brunette had her arm around his waist and was looking around the club. They looked ok to Tommy. Then he saw her put something in her pocket. Tommy whispered to Craig and as his boss headed towards the bar Tommy explained to everyone he would be back in a minute.

“Anything I can do?”

“No Adam,” he made sure he was close enough so people didn’t hear him. “I’m just going to check on Matt.”

“K baby, let me know if I can do anything.”

A quick kiss and Tommy disappeared.

Craig was talking to the brunette when Tommy approached their singer. He noticed Scott approaching too.

“Everything ok Craig?”

“Not really Tommy. This _female_ has just admitted to spiking Matts drink.” He escorted her away.

Tommy turned to Matt, “hey stop drinking that.”

“Sorry Tommy, what did you say?”

Tommy got closer and as Matt lifted the glass to his lips he knocked it out of his hand.

“What the hell Tommy?”

“I’ve just saved you from taking any more of the drug she put in it.”

“What…how?”

“How much have you drunk?”

“Hell Tommy the glass was nearly full it was only tonic water.”

“How do you feel?”

“Ok, what was it?”

“Not sure yet. Craig and Scott have taken her to the office to find out.”

“Well what do we do now?”

“Look, go sit with Mitchel and Raja and I’ll go see if I can find out what it was.”

“Ok, but I feel fine.”

“Maybe now, let’s just make sure first.”

Tommy watched as Matt went to sit with the rest of them, hoping that whatever it was didn’t have any adverse effects on their singer. He wanted to finish the set before he asked Adam to sing.

Craig came back through. “hey TJ, how’s Matt?”

“So far he seems ok. Did you find out what she gave him?”

“Yeah and we really need to keep a close eye on him.”

“Fuck! What was it?”

“GHB.”

“Shit, I’ve heard of that, but don’t know what it does.”

“Basically it slows the brain and body down. If the dose was small it’s like a mild sedative, but it can slow the heart rate and breathing.” He paused.

“I can sense a but coming.”

“Yeah, if…hell if the dose was high enough then it can cause seizures, coma and death.”

“Fuck, what are we going to do?”

“I’ve called the police and the paramedics. She doesn’t know how much she put in, she just wanted to make Matt drowsy so she could kiss him.”

“Why would she do that?”

“She tried to kiss him earlier but he turned her down and she wanted revenge. The police can deal with her. They know how I feel about drugs in my club.”

“So the paramedics are what? Going to check Matt over?”

“No they’re going to have to take him to hospital just in case.”

“What are we going to do about our final set?”

“Go on without a singer, you can explain that there has been a problem but don’t go into specifics. Or…”

“Or what?” Tommy had wanted to ask Adam to sing but not like this. “Craig what were you going to say?”

“Well I was sat with Mitchel and he…well he has an amazing voice.”

Tommy took a deep breath. “Yeah he has, but I…um…well, I’m not sure it’s a good idea.” He could have probably got away with one song, but six were a different matter.

“Can you ask him TJ, please? I really don’t want to have to cancel your second set.”

Tommy sighed, “ok, I’ll ask him, but don’t be surprised if he says no.”

“Thanks Tommy. Can you tell Matt to come through to the office. I’m having the paramedics come to the back door.”

“Not a problem.” Tommy left Craig and went to sit with the others.

“Hey TJ, what’s going on?”

“Everything’s screwed.”

“What do you mean?”

“Matt, can you go through to the office, Craig needs to speak to you.”

“Oh, ok.” As he stood he seemed unstable. “Whoa, I feel kinda lightheaded.”

“Isaac, can you go with him. I’ll explain later.”

“Sure TJ.” Isaac helped the singer as the others watched.

“Tommy sweetie, what’s going on?”

“That girl who was at the bar, she’s drugged Matt.”

“So what’s happening about your next set?”

Tommy looked from Raja to Adam. “I…fuck…this is not how I wanted tonight to go.”

“Tommy, what…?” Adam looked at his boyfriend. “Oh no Tommy I can’t, I…no baby, what if…”

“I…I wasn’t going to say anything, but I was hoping you’d do just one song for us later, but well Craig asked me to ask you.”

Adam closed his eyes, when he opened them Tommy saw he had tears in them. “I’m sorry for asking. I should have said no to Craig. It’s ok, we’ll just do the songs without a singer. I understand.” Tommy really didn’t want to force Adam into doing this. He started to walk away.

“Tommy wait.” Tommy turned. “How…how many songs would you want me to do?”

“Vayvee, you don’t have to do any if…”

“Raja please.” Adam put his hand on his friends shoulder.

“I’m only…”

“I know and I love you for it. But I can’t let tonight be spoilt by a stupid bitch only after one thing. Craig, Tommy and everyone who works here have put so much effort into making this a success we can’t let them fail.”

“Does that mean you’ll sing?”

“Yeah Tommy I’ll sing. But not the full list. I…I wouldn’t be ok doing so many, but I’ll do 3. How does that sound?”

“Oh A…Mitchel, that’s more than amazing, I love you.”

“And I love you too.”

“So…what do you want to sing?” He handed him the set list for the second half.

“How about _Tainted Love, Under Pressure_ and…” he started laughing.

“What?”

“Well the other one just has to be _Prince Charming_ with me dressed like this.”

“Ok, we can go with those but only if…”

“Tommy, you’ll be up there with me so that’ll make it ok.” He moved from out of the booth and pulled Tommy into a hug.

“I’ll be with you all the way.”

“I’m proud of you.” Leila had tears in her eyes, she never imagined her son would ever sing again.

“Mom, you’re the one person I would have expected to cry, so you’ve not disappointed me.”

“Hey leave the beautiful Leila alone, otherwise Raja will have your ass.”

“Oh no Raja, his ass is mine, so hands off gurl!” They smiled. “So shall we go somewhere and go through the songs?”

“Yeah, that would be good.”

Tommy took his hand and as they headed to the dressing room Leila and Raja smiled at the different outcome to their night.

After 20 minutes the band made their way back onto the stage to the sounds of cheering and clapping.

Tommy approached the mic and held his hands up hoping the crowd would calm down. He didn’t have to wait long, the crowd sensed something wasn’t right, and when Matt didn’t appear on stage they stopped talking altogether.

“Wow, ok ladies and gentlemen, firstly let me apologise for our late second set tonight. Unfortunately due to circumstances beyond our control Matt will not be joining us this time.” A few concerned noises came from the audience. “We are assured he will be ok, and will be back singing for you next week.” A cheer went up.” But we didn’t want to disappoint you, so we’re going to do a shortened second half with a different singer. He’s going to do three songs for you and I hope you’ll treat him well. He’s not sung in public before…” Tommy hoped they’d accept that comment. “So he’s a little nervous. Would you please give a warm welcome to Mr Mitchel Adams.”

The crowd cheered as Adam entered from stage left. He looked at Tommy who blew him a kiss, then took the mic from its stand.

“Thank you ladies and gentlemen, I hope I do justice to the songs tonight. Thank you for staying and enjoy the remainder of your evening.” He turned to Tommy and nodded. They’d agreed to begin with _Tainted Love_ , then the quirky _Prince Charming_ finishing with _Under Pressure_.

After the first song the crowd were loving him and Adam had relaxed a little. He had to admit he was enjoying himself. The second song was over and he was really questioning why he’d left it so long to sing again. He moved to the side of the stage to get a drink and as he made his way back to the mic he noticed the look on Tommy’s face change. Adam tried to scan the audience but because of the dimmed lights he couldn’t see who or what Tommy was staring at. He picked up the mic again and indicated for the crowd to quieten down.

“Thank you, you gorgeous people for letting me step into Matt’s place at the last minute. As Tommy explained I’m not used to singing in public but you’ve been awesome, so to finish I’d like to sing a song from two of my favourite artistes of all time. My final song is going to be _Under Pressure_ from the fantastic rock band Queen and the equally brilliant David Bowie. I hope you enjoy.” He smiled, turned to Tommy to let him know to begin but before the first chord was made a voice from the audience shouted out.

“He’s lying!”

The audience went silent.

“He’s lying, he’s not who he says he is.”

Tommy removed his guitar and headed downstage.

“That man up there is Adam Lambert. He’s been lying to you all night and that man there…” the woman pointed to Tommy. “He knew all along who he was. How does he know you ask? Well that man…Tommy, he calls himself, is my son Thomas Ratliff and that man, Adam Lambert, has forced him to move in with him, he’s taken advantage of my son’s friendship and he’s claiming that they are in love.”

“Mom, please, don’t do this.”

“Shut up Thomas, they deserve to know what _he_ did to his last boyfriend.”

“Mom, No! Let’s talk about this in the office.” Tommy could see tears forming in Adam’s eyes, he just hoped he wouldn’t run.

“No Thomas, I’m doing the talking now, so you listen to me.” His mother approached the stage, as did Leila.

“Mrs Ratliff, I’m Leila, Adam’s mom, how about we go and talk.”

“No, they’ve got _you_ brainwashed too. I’m going to finish what I have to say.” She looked from Tommy to Adam and then to the silent crowd. “My son befriended this…this man and he now says he loves him. Well the last person this man _loved_ killed himself because _he_ ” she pointed to Adam, “thought more about his career than he did his…his boyfriend, which in itself is wrong. I’m not having that happening to my son. I’ve come to take him home with me.”

“No mom, I’m not going, I’m in love with Adam and you can’t tell me what to do anymore.” He looked at Adam who was now crying openly. He wanted to hug him and tell him everything would be alright.

Tommy moved to Adam but before he got to him, his boyfriend ran from the stage and out the back door. He looked at Leila who nodded and with Raja followed him. Tommy jumped off the front of the stage to stand in front of his mother. “Now see what you’ve done? He’s run, and it’s all your fault.”

Craig had appeared back in the club and had seen some of the drama unfold. He took the mic. “Ladies and gentlemen. I’m sorry for the events of tonight, but would you please make your way to the exits. Please retain your tickets and if you feel like coming back another night we’ll honour them with two free drinks. Thank you.” He made sure everyone left peacefully then went back to Tommy and his mother.

“I don’t know what’s going on, but you need to sort this out. Tommy, go home, talk to your mom, talk to Mitchel or whatever his name is then, and only then, come back and explain everything to me.”

“I’m done talking to my mom, I’m going home to Adam, to the man I love.”

“You’ll be sorry Thomas!” She watched as her son left in search of Adam.

“Mrs Ratliff, I’m sure TJ will…”

“His name is Thomas. I’m going to go home, thank you for your hospitality.” She turned and started to leave.

Craig watched her go, he didn’t know what was going on, but he could see that two men who were meant for each other would need a lot of soul searching to come through this and still be together.

Tommy found Leila with her arms around Adam who was sobbing.

“Hey Adam, I’m sorry about my mom.” He went to put his hand in Adam’s but the dark haired man pulled away. “Adam, please.”

“Please (hic)… please what Tommy? I knew this wasn’t a good idea. But you said everything would be alright. I knew it was wrong for me to sing, but you pushed it. What was it you said the other day? _It pisses you off when people think they can screw with your life_. Well you’ve just screwed mine up good and proper. Just leave me alone Tommy, I’m done with singing, just get it into your head.” He pulled away from Leila. “Sutan, take me home, I’m done here.” Adam walked off, followed by an upset Sutan.

“He’ll calm down by the morning and I’ll talk to him.”

“I don’t think it’ll be that simple Leila but thank you.”

“He loves you and he’ll realise that when he’s calmed down.”

“I love him too, please tell him that.”

Leila nodded, hugged the blond and went to join her son and friend.

“Hey TJ, you ok?”

“No Mike, m’crap. Is mom still inside?”

“I think so, why?”

Tommy stormed back in, he met her as she was heading to the door. “Are you satisfied mom? Adam’s gone home without me. The man I love is going to be on his own tonight.”

“Good, maybe you’ll see how wrong it was and you’ll leave him and find a nice girl to marry.”

“NO! When are you going to understand, I. Love. Adam. And I’m not going to marry a girl.”

“Thomas…”

“No mom, go home, you’ve done enough damage tonight.” He turned away from her. “Mike can you take me to my apartment?”

“Sure TJ.”

Tommy grabbed his jacket and stormed out quickly followed by Mike.

No words were spoken on the journey and when they got to Tommy’s he grabbed a glass and a bottle of Jack and took them to bed.

“Tommy is that wise taking Jack…”

“Shut the fuck up Mike, and leave me alone. I’m not wise so what difference does it make?” Tommy slammed his bedroom door.

Mike made himself comfortable on the sofa, he was going to be there for his friend no matter what.

tbc

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for staying with me on this. Sorry for the delay in updating but crazy time at work. To make up for the delay this chapter was longer than the others. I'm now in the process of doing the next chapter but again it may take me a bit longer to post it.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: there is an attempted suicide in this chapter. Please don't continue reading if it's going to be a trigger.

Adam cried all the way to his mothers. He’d told Sutan he didn’t want to go home as Tommy’s things were there and they were the last things he wanted to see. His mother sat in the back just holding him. She didn’t want to push him to talk, so the journey was made in silence. Sutan glancing in the rear view mirror on occasions, making eye contact with Leila, concerned at Adam’s state of mind.

When they arrived at Leila’s Adam, without saying a word, headed towards the front door. Leila and Sutan following. As she unlocked the door Adam brushed past her and automatically headed to his old bedroom.

“What are we going to do?”

“Right now we’re all going to go to bed, I don’t want to push him, not tonight. I’ll talk to him in the morning.”

“Would you mind if I stayed tonight?”

“Of course not. I think he’ll appreciate a friendly face tomorrow.”

“It wasn’t Tommy’s fault.”

“I know, but he doesn’t see that right now. I saw how devastated Tommy was when he came out of the club. What his mother did was inexcusable.”

“I’m worried that she’s going to cause more problems, I hate to see two men who were meant for each other be so unhappy. I know they’re hurting after that speech tonight, but I believe they still love each other.”

“Oh Sutan, I know they do. We’re just going to have to convince them that they can get their relationship back. I’ve not seen Adam so happy and relaxed as he has been since he met Tommy.”

“And when he was singing tonight it was like we had the old Adam back. He belongs on the stage.”

“We have to help them, but we can’t make it obvious.”

“Ok how are we going to do it?”

“I don’t know yet, but one thing I do know, I’m going to visit Tommy’s mother and make her see how happy Tommy is with Adam.”

“Well sweet beautiful lady, if you want my help just let me know.”

“Thank you. Now let’s not discuss this anymore, let’s sleep on it and see how Adam is tomorrow.”

Sutan hugged her and as he made his way to the spare room he had to pass Adam’s room where he paused, his gorgeous friend was sobbing. He wanted to hold him, tell him everything would be ok, but Leila was right, things would probably look better in the morning. Continuing on his way, Sutan was determined that he would do everything in his power to see that the beautiful men were back together.

Leila waited until Sutan disappeared into the bedroom and then rang Tommy.

“Tommy’s phone.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, is Tommy not there?”

“Who is this please?”

“I’m sorry, my name is Leila and I’m Adam’s mom.”

“Oh hello, I’m Mike, Tommy’s friend. What did you want him for?”

“How is he?”

“He’s taken a bottle of Jack Daniels to bed with him. Does that tell you how he is?”

“Shit. I’m sorry please…”

“Nothing to forgive, I’ve said that and countless other expletives tonight.”

“Well Mike, I…”

“How’s Adam?”

“You know who he is?”

“Yeah I do and have known for a long time. Tommy talked to me when he first met him and well…forgive me if I speak out of turn, but what the hell are we going to do to get them back together?”

“Mike…you don’t know how happy you saying that makes me feel?”

“So you agree that they belong together?”

“Definitely, I’ve not seen Adam so happy since he’s been with Tommy, since…well since he had Alex in his life.”

“And Tommy has been a different person since he met Adam. He was always looking for that special someone and never found it in his girlfriends, but since…well you don’t need me rabbiting on, you’ve said the same about Adam.”

“So Mike are you up for helping me get the pair of them back where they belong?”

“Too right Mrs Lambert. Tell me what you want and I’ll help in any way I can.”

“Firstly, it’s Leila and thank you, I’ll let you know as soon as we figure it out.”

“Let me give you my cell number.”

“That’s great thanks. Oh there is one thing you can do for me.”

“Name it.”

“Can you give me Tommy’s mothers’ address?”

“Are you sure that’s wise?”

“I’m going to go and speak to her. She’s the one who’s caused this, maybe…”

“Mrs…sorry Leila, Mrs Ratliff can be very stubborn.”

“Well she doesn’t know me. When my son’s happiness is at stake, I too can be very stubborn.”

Mike gave Leila the address and his cell number, then they bid each other good night and promised to let the other know how the boys were the following morning.

Tommy was on his third glass of Jack when he heard his phone ringing, he couldn’t be bothered to go retrieve it, he didn’t want to talk to anyone, not tonight. He just wanted to lose himself in the warm liquid that was his friend. He heard Mike’s voice, he must have answered the call. If it was urgent then he’d let Tommy know.

How was he going to explain all this to Craig? He owed him an explanation about Adam…Adam, he remembered the look in his boyfriends eyes as he told him to go away. Tommy laughed, _boyfriend, well Ratliff you’ve blown that now, and not in a sexual way either. Oh Adam, I’m so sorry and I…I love you, I hope you know that?_ Tommy looked at his empty glass, how had it gotten empty so quickly? He picked up the bottle, went to pour another shot then thought better of it. He put the glass down and drank straight from the bottle. He felt the liquid burn as it travelled down into his veins. He wanted to drink enough to make him forget. Forget how much he loved Adam, forget how his mother had ruined everything for him.

He drained the last of the liquid, he felt tired _fuck why can’t I just drink enough and forget everything?_ He threw the bottle across his bedroom smashing it against the door. Lying back on his bed he looked at the bracelet on his wrist. He played with the eternity symbol, that’s what he and Adam were supposed to be, together forever. But now…what were they? He could feel tears forming. There was a knock at his door.

“Fuck off!”

“TJ talk to me. Tell me you’re ok.”

“M’ok, now fuck off.”

“That crash, what was it?”

“Bottle…Mike just go.”

“That’s not going to solve…”

“Leave, me, alone.”

“Please Tommy, I just want to help.”

“You want to help? Then get me another bottle of Jack, then get the fuck out of my apartment.”

“Sorry Tommy Joe.”

“DON’T! Don’t call me that. Adam…” He began crying. “Adam…calls me that.”

Mike could hear the sobbing and his heart broke just that little bit more for his friend. He pushed open the door, gently because he didn’t want to frighten his friend. The sight that greeted him was a broken man curled up on the bed, hugging his knees and crying. Mike went to sit on the bed, crunching through the broken bottle as he walked.

“G…go away.”

“Oh Tommy, I’m not leaving you, not when you’re like this.” He moved closer to his friend, pulling him up and holding him.

Tommy allowed himself to be manhandled, he was scared he needed Adam, but had he lost him? “What…what am I going to do?” His words were slurred, the Jack controlling his emotions. “I…oh Mike I love him so fuckin’ much.”

“I know TJ, I know. Why don’t you get some sleep then we can talk about it in the morning?”

“Who was on the phone?”

“Leila, she wanted to know how you were.”

“Oh…thought…” he sniffed, “I thought it might have been Adam.”

“Oh Tommy, he’ll ring you tomorrow you’ll see.”

“N…no he won’t…what am I going to do?”

“You can go to sleep and we can talk more in the morning when you’ve got a clear head.”

Mike looked down at his friend who had fallen asleep. He moved his hair out of his eyes and tried to move so Tommy was lying on the bed, but the blond had a hold of him and if he moved too much he was afraid Tommy would wake up, and right now he needed his sleep. So Mike continued to hold the broken man.

^V^

Adam was working on autopilot and really didn’t want to talk to anyone right now, not even his best friend or his mother. He lay on his bed staring at the ceiling. _How could Tommy do that to him?_ He looked at the bracelet on his wrist and tears coursed down his face. He sobbed until it hurt, he brushed his thumb over the word _LOVE_. Tommy said he loved him, could he believe it now? Was Tommy just with him because of who he was and what he could do for him? _No stop thinking like that Lambert. He loves you for who you are as a person, he didn’t know who you were at the beginning. What was he going to do, would Tommy still want him after what he’d said to him earlier?_ It wasn’t Tommy’s fault it was his mothers’. But how could he… More sobs shook his body, he couldn’t face anyone, he wasn’t worth it. He should have taken those pills like he’d planned to, if he had he would have been back with Alex.

“Oh Alex, I miss you. I’m sorry my love. I’m going to sort this out, I’ll be with you again soon.” That was it, no one would have to look out for him again, he’d be with the man he loved. He could do this, everything would be better that way. He fell asleep knowing what he had to do.

Leila didn’t sleep well, she was formulating what she was going to say to Tommy’s mom. She couldn’t let either of the boys know what she was going to do, she had a feeling they would stop her. She knew she’d have to do it soon, the longer she left it the harder it would be to get the boys back together. That woman had a lot to answer for and she was determined to make her see what the two men have between them.

She was sitting on the edge of her bed when she heard movement outside on the landing. Opening her door she peered out and seeing her son padding down the stairs she followed him, not wanting to scare him. As he headed to the kitchen she waited in the lounge, hoping that she could get him to talk.

She waited as he made his way back to the stairs. “Morning sweetie.”

Adam stopped, he hadn’t heard anyone come downstairs, he put the bottle in his pants pocket then went to see his mother.

“Oh hi mom.” He rubbed his eyes, Leila could see he’d been crying. “I didn’t know you were up.”

“I’m sorry honey, I didn’t want to frighten you. I followed you downstairs. Look I’m here if you want to talk. I want to help.”

“I know you do. I just need to get my head sorted first. I promise you when I’ve got it sorted you’ll be the first to know.”

“Ok sweetie, you know where I am. I’m always here for you no matter what.”

“I know you are mom, and I love you for it. I just need some time alone.”

“I understand.” She stood and went to hug him.

“Oh, Sutan stayed last night, he was worried about you.”

“I’ll be fine you both should stop worrying.”

“But we only want to see you happy.”

“And I will be, but right now I need some time on my own and I didn’t sleep much last night so I’m going to go back to bed.”

“Alright honey. Remember we’re here for you.”

“Thank you mom. Please…please remember I love you, dad and Neil.”

“Hey, what’s…”

“Just remember that…please.”

“I know you love us all. Go get some sleep, then if you want to talk later I’ll be here.”

“Ok.” He kissed her cheek, hugged her and then went back to his room.

She watched him, his shoulders slumped, he was a broken man again. The last time she saw him like this had been when he’d lost Alex. Well if she had her way he wasn’t going to lose Tommy too. She knew how much they loved each other and she was determined they would be back together soon. She had to go see Mrs Ratliff. She heard Sutan moving.

She smiled as she saw the tall beautiful man heading downstairs. He had borrowed a dressing gown that belonged to Neil and as Neil was shorter than Sutan it just about covered his modesty.

“Morning beautiful lady. Has our sleeping beauty woken yet?”

“Yeah Sutan he has. He’s been down for a glass of water and gone back to bed. He said he didn’t sleep well.”

“He was crying when I went to bed.”

“Yeah, I heard him too.”

“What are we going to do?”

“If I tell you I need you to promise not to tell Adam.”

“Of course Leila, you have my word.”

She explained what she was going to do and hoped that Mrs Ratliff would at least listen to her.

“I’m sure she’ll listen. You’re not a threat to her. She’s scared she’s going to lose her son. She’s unsure of what Tommy’s sexuality means and I believe her church has its own way of seeing things. From what Tommy and Adam have told me they have a big influence on her and have had since her husband died.”

“It’s not going to be easy, but I’m at least going to try to get her to understand how the boys feel about each other.”

“And I have great confidence in you that you’ll succeed.”

“Thank you Sutan. Now I’m just going to get dressed, see if Adam wants anything then I’ll go pay her a visit.”

“Tell Adam I’m here for him.”

“I will thank you.” Leila headed to her room and within minutes was showered and dressed and knocking on her sons door.

“Who is it?” Adam had been crying again, he’d been sat staring at the bottle of pills, but couldn’t face taking them. He needed more than water to take them with.

“It’s me honey, can I come in?”

Adam quickly hid the bottle and shouted his reply.

Gently opening the door, “Hey sweetie, how are you feeling?”

“Like a woodpecker has taken up residence in my head, my eyes feel like the lids are made from sandpaper and I…oh mom, what am I going to do?”

“You’re going to rest and when I get back we’re going to sit and talk, just like we used to do. You can talk about Tommy, Alex or anything or anyone you want. I’ll listen no matter what.”

“I love you mom.”

“I know sweetie. Now come on get back into bed, Sutan will be downstairs if you want anything and I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”

“Where are you going?”

Leila’s heart was breaking, her son looked just like he did when he was 10 and upset. “I’ve got some errands to do. If you want anything Sutan will get it for you.”

“Ok mom, see you soon. And thank you.”

“For what honey?”

“Letting me stay. I couldn’t face Tommy.”

“Oh sweetie, he spent the night at his own apartment. He didn’t go home.”

“Mom! What have I done? I said some awful things to him.”

“Look, rest and we’ll decide what to do when I get home.”

“Ok.” He crawled back under the duvet. Leila covered him and kissed his forehead, reminiscent of when he was a small child.

Closing the door she was even more determined to get two men who were so good for each other, back together again.

As she got downstairs she saw Sutan making toast. “Adam’s going to try to sleep. He knows you’re here.”

“K, I’m just going to have this, then get a shower. I’ll keep my eye on him.”

“Thank you. I’m hoping I’m not going to be too long.”

“Take your time honey, these two are worth fighting for.”

“I’ll see you soon.” She picked up her purse, car keys and headed out.

^V^

Tommy woke to a loud snoring. He knew Adam didn’t snore, so who the fuck was he in bed with _and_ cuddling? He gently looked up not wanting to wake whoever it was, plus his head was full of jack hammers, if he made any sudden movements he had a feeling his head would leave his body.

As his eye line rose he saw Mike, his head tipped back, mouth open and snoring so loudly he’d swear his neighbours would hear him. He nudged his friend.

“Nnngh!”

“Nash, wake up, need my arm, need to pee.”

“Nngh!”

“Fuck it Nash move. I really gotta pee.”

“Nngh TJ, do you have to be so…”

“If you want me to pee over my bed don’t move, but you’ll be cleaning it up.”

“K, ok.” Mike moved slowly, he’d been asleep sat up all night and his neck ached.

Tommy got off the bed too quickly, his head felt like it was going to explode. He really needed to pee but he really should take something for his headache. He stood still making sure he had his balance, then the decision was taken from him. If he didn’t get to the bathroom that instant there would definitely be a puddle on his bedroom carpet.

As quickly as he could, he got to the toilet and breathed a sigh of relief as he emptied his very full bladder. Washing his hands he made the mistake of looking in the mirror. _Hell Ratliff you look like death warmed up_. He still had his make up on from the previous night, his eyes were red and sore and his hair was standing up in ways he didn’t think was possible.

“Hey Ratliff, you done in there?”

“Don’t shout, m’on my way.”

Mike pushed past Tommy desperate for the bathroom, leaving the blond staring in his wake.

Whilst Tommy waited for his friend he downed 2 pain killers then checked his phone hoping Adam had rung. But the only call he’d had since he got home had been from Leila. He threw his phone on the bed and went rummaging in his wardrobe for clean clothes. All he could find were an old pair of sweat pants and an equally old Queen t-shirt. All the rest of his clothes were at Adam’s… _theirs_. Sitting back on his bed he rubbed away tears. He loved Adam but after what his boyfriend had said last night he knew he’d soon be on his own again. Adam was right, Tommy had meddled in his life and now he was paying for it. But he still loved him. He picked up his phone, found Adam’s number and hovered his thumb over the dial.

“Hey TJ what are you doing?”

Tommy put his phone on the bedside cabinet. “Oh, um, just seeing if Adam’s been ringing.”

“Hey give him time, he’s probably still asleep after last night.”

“Yeah, you’re right. What um…what did Leila want?”

“Oh, erm, just to see how you were.” He couldn’t tell Tommy the rest.

“Oh, why didn’t you let me talk to her?”

“Thought you were asleep.”

“K.” He rubbed his eyes, he reached for a tissue and make up remover.

“Hey come on TJ, let’s have a coffee, Adam may ring you soon.”

“After what I did last night and what he said, I don’t think that’s going to happen.” Cleaning his make up off and rubbing away the eye liner helped to stem the tears he could feel building up again.

“Tommy, last night wasn’t your fault. Your mom…”

“No Mike, I know I shouldn’t have forced him to sing.”

“You didn’t force him to do anything. It was his decision and from what I saw he was enjoying himself up there until your mom appeared.”

Tommy was forcing himself to get dressed, he needed some normality today. “I don’t know Mike.” He threw a shoe across the room, “I…shit Mike I love him so much, but I don’t know if he loves me.”

“Look, let’s have breakfast, then if he hasn’t rung by the time we’re finished we can go and see him.”

“Ok, but I just want coffee, can’t face food.”

“Ok, coffee it is.”

Mike followed Tommy to the kitchen area, shoulders slumped, a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Tommy drank his coffee staring at the only photograph he had of them both. He remembered taking it, trying his hardest not to wake Adam. He couldn’t be without him, not now, he loved him more than anything and he was going to prove to him how much.

“Hey TJ, penny for them.”

“Sorry Mike, what did you say?”

“I asked what you were thinking?”

“I’m thinking I’m going to tell my mom what I think about her and if she can’t accept me for who I am and who I love, then she has no place in my life.” He went to stand.

Mike had to stop him, he didn’t want him arriving at his mother’s and Leila still be there. “Hang on Tommy, if you go now you’ll probably say things you’ll regret. Wait until after you’ve seen Adam, then maybe both of you could go together.”

“I’d like nothing more than to take Adam to my mom’s, but I don’t think that is ever going to happen.”

“Never say never.” He went around and hugged his best friend. “Come on let’s go see Adam.”

Tommy half smiled, hoping Adam would at least listen to him before he told him it was over between them.

^V^

Sutan showered quickly then as he headed back to the lounge he knocked on Adam’s door. “Hey sweetie it’s only me, can I come in?”

“If you must.” Adam hid the pills again. Why couldn’t people just leave him alone?

Sutan pushed the door open gently. “Hey, I’m just going to make some coffee, want one?”

“No, I want…just leave me alone Sutan I’m going to have a sleep, maybe coffee later…ok?”

“Sure honey. Sleep will be good for you, recharge your batteries.”

“Yeah. Sorry Sutan, I just…”

“It’s ok, I’ll be downstairs if you want anything.”

“Thanks.” Adam lay back down pulling the duvet over him again.

Sutan just watched his friend, he hated seeing Adam unhappy. It reminded him how withdrawn he’d been when he lost Alex. He hoped Leila could sort things out with Tommy’s mother.

He left his friend to sleep and went to make the coffee. Taking it through to the lounge he put the TV on, he needed noise in the background, but not too loud in case it disturbed Adam.

Adam heard the TV go on and quickly padded to the door. He couldn’t hear movement from the lounge so he quietly made his way downstairs. Peering into the room he saw Sutan asleep on the sofa. Now was his chance. Heading to the dining room he went straight to the drinks cabinet. Without making too much noise he retrieved a bottle of vodka, his hand hesitated over a glass, but decided not to take one. It would be quicker just drinking it straight from the bottle.

Going back to his room he paused at the lounge again, Sutan was still asleep. He loved his friends and family but this was the best thing to do. They would all be better off without him. All he was doing was causing problems. Tommy could take that studio job he’d been offered and he would find a better person to love. He touched the bracelet on his wrist. He loved Tommy Joe Ratliff but this was better for all of them.

Quietly he closed his door, sat on the bed and opened the bottle. Taking a big mouthful of the clear liquid he felt it burn the back of his throat. Picking up the bottle of pills he tipped the contents onto the bed beside him. He counted them as he lined them up, he hoped 12 would be enough to end his misery. He remembered the last time he attempted this, but Tommy had stopped him. There was no Tommy to stop him this time. He switched his phone on to voice recorder and as he spoke tears filled his eyes.

“Oh baby, you should have just left me and let me carry on. Everything would have been better than what’s happened since. I love you Tommy, please forgive me. You’ll find someone better than me to love. Be happy baby, I enjoyed what we had, but I’m not right for you, remember the good times we had and forget the bad ones. Forgive your mom and Lisa, they didn’t understand. Talk to them please, tell them you love them and most of all be there for them. Take care of yourself and remember I did this because I love you. Goodbye my beautiful man.”

He switched the recorder off and placed it on the pillow beside him.

One by one he took the pills washing them down with the vodka. By the time he came to the last pill he felt lightheaded and maybe just a little drunk. Dropping the empty vodka bottle on the floor he lay down, stroking the bracelet around his wrist, he closed his eyes. “Goodbye Tommy, I love you.”

Sutan was roused from his sleep by a banging on the door.

“K, ok, give a queen a chance to wake up.” As he opened the door he was greeted by a red eyed Tommy and a guy he didn’t recognize. “Hey Tommy, didn’t expect to see you, did Adam ring you?”

“No Sutan, I…I just came on the spur of the moment, how is he?”

“He’s sleeping, he didn’t sleep well last night and by the look of things neither did you honey?”

“He took a bottle of Jack to bed with him so no he didn’t have a good night. I’m Mike by the way, Tommy Joe’s friend.” He held out his hand and Sutan shook it.

“Well under the circumstances I can’t say it’s nice to meet you, but you’re welcome to help me knock some sense into these two idiots.”

“Will be my pleasure.” Mike noticed Tommy pacing up and down in the kitchen. “Hey TJ just go up and see your boyfriend before I drag your sorry ass up there.”

“But what…what if he doesn’t want to see me? I don’t think…”

“Sweetie, he loves you, he’ll want to see you and stop thinking, it gets you nowhere.”

“Oh Sutan, do you really believe he still loves me?” Tommy wiped yet another tear from his eyes.

“He was…and if you tell him I told you, I’ll have your ass…he was crying last night and telling you he was sorry and he loved you. He didn’t think anyone could hear him but I couldn’t sleep and lay listening to him.”

“I love him so much Sutan, I…just want him to know that.”

“Then go wake him with a kiss and tell him. This thing with your mom will sort itself out. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but it will. All that matters right now is the two of you. Go sweetie, tell him.”

Tommy hugged Sutan then slowly made his way upstairs.

“I’ve not seen Tommy so happy since he met Adam, what his mom did last night was unforgivable.”

“You knew who Adam was or has Tommy just told you?”

“No he told me right at the beginning of their relationship. I respected their wishes and kept it to myself.”

“You’re a great friend Mike. Thank you.”

“Tommy is like a brother to me and I care a great deal about him.”

Sutan hugged Mike. “I can see how much he means to you. Come on let’s get some coffee and wait for them to come down. I expect they’ll talk a bit, kiss a lot and have amazing make up sex before they surface.”

“Oh my, thanks for those images. As much as I love TJ…” Mike shuddered and Sutan laughed.

Tommy knocked on Adam’s door. “Hey…it’s me…can I…can I come in?”

No answer.

“Adam please, I…I just want to talk to you. If, when I’ve finished talking you don’t want me anymore I’ll leave and never contact you again. Please my gorgeous man, can I come in?”

Still no answer.

Tommy gently pushed the door open. “Adam please don’t ignore me, talk to me. Adam…” Tommy noticed a sleeping figure on the bed. As he got closer he kicked something. Bending down to pick up whatever it was he sighed when he saw it was an empty vodka bottle.

“Oh Adam, this isn’t going to solve anything. I realized that when I drank a full bottle of Jack last night. Come on my love wake up.” He leant down and kissed him. “Adam, hey come on, stop messing about, if you don’t want to talk to me just tell me, don’t ignore me.” He kissed him again. “Adam, hey Adam!” He shook him and as the dark haired man shifted the empty pill bottle rolled across the bed.

“FUCK! Adam hey Adam. Shit wake up. Please baby wake up!” Tommy was scared. He ran to the top of the stairs. “Sutan! Mike! Call an ambulance Adam’s taken something and he won’t wake up.”

Sutan shouted up... “Tommy what the fuck are you saying?”

“I’m saying Adam’s taken some shit, washed it…them down with vodka and he won’t wake up. Call the fuckin’ ambulance.” Tommy raced back into Adam’s room. “Adam, please baby I don’t want to lose you I love you.” The tears were back, running down his face. He sensed someone else in the room but didn’t know who it was until they spoke.

“TJ come on Sutan’s called the paramedics and they’re on their way, let’s go downstairs and wait for them.”

“No…No Mike m’staying right here. I can’t leave him in case he wakes up. Oh fuck Mike I don’t want to lose him.”

“And you’re not going to, the doctors will sort him out, he’ll be back with you in no time.”

Sutan came into the room. “Shit, this is my fault.”

“How do you work that out?”

“Leila asked me to keep an eye on him, but I fell asleep.”

“Hey it’s not your fault. Besides where is Leila?”

“She’s um…she went out.”

“We’d better ring her, let her know, get her to meet us at the hospital.”

“As soon as we know which hospital, I’ll ring her. Let’s just see what the paramedics say first.”

Tommy sobbed, sat on the bed and held Adam’s hand. “Please Adam…(hic) don’t do this (hic) I…I need you baby…I love you.”

Mike and Sutan stared at the sleeping man and a very broken Tommy, both silently praying they’d got to him on time.

It seemed ages before the ambulance arrived but it was only a matter of minutes. They got the basic information from Sutan and went to see how their patient was. Tommy was still holding him when they got to the bedroom and they had to ask Mike to pull Tommy away whilst they dealt with Adam.

“Let go Mike I need to be with him.”

“I know TJ, but you have to let them do their job, they’re gonna get him to hospital.”

“I need to be with him.”

“And you will be. He can go with you can’t he?”

“Of course sir, but we need to see to him first. Can you tell me what he’s taken?”

“Vodka and…and these.” Tommy held out a bottle…an empty bottle.

“How many were in there?”

“Don’t know, don’t even know where he got them from.”

“That’s ok, we’ll flush his stomach once we get him to hospital.”

“Which…which one are you taking him to?”

“The Olympia Medial Centre on Olympia Boulevard, the ER is one of the best and fastest there is.”

“Can I please ride with you, I…”

“Of course you can sir, are you his brother?”

“Do I look like his fuckin’ brother?”

“Tommy, calm down.”

“No Mike, I will not calm down. I’m his boyfriend and I have to be with him.”

“I’m sorry sir, I didn’t realise, of course you can ride with us. Has anyone informed his next of kin?”

Tommy looked at Mike. “Leila, she’s out somewhere, I need to ring her.” He reached for his phone. Hitting the speed dial for Leila he paced up and down waiting for her to answer. When she did.

“Leila, where are you?”

“Oh hello Tommy, I’m at a friends house.”

“You have to come home.”

“What’s the matter Tommy, are you at my house?”

“Yes Leila and it’s Adam.”

“Tommy, what about Adam?”

“He’s…fuck…sorry, but he’s taken some pills, the paramedics say they’re sleeping pills, and he washed them down with vodka. He’s…shit Leila I need him to be ok.”

“Tommy have they taken him….”

“The paramedics are with him now, they’re going to be taking him to the Olympia Medical Centre.”

“I’ll meet you there. And Tommy…”

“Yeah?”

“He’ll pull through, he has you.”

“I hope so Leila, I really hope so.” As he hung up he noticed Adam’s phone on the pillow. That was unusual he always left it on the bedside cabinet. Picking it up he switched it on. The voice record icon was flashing telling them there was one recorded message. Tommy pressed play and they listened. By the end of the message he was crying openly, tears streaming down his face.

“Adam, why baby, why when you know I love you. I love you for who you are not what you do, when you come back to me we’ll go away just the two of us. Away from music. I’m so sorry I put you through everything last night. I…I just want you back.”

Mike held his friend whilst he cried.

Sutan had appeared at the doorway. “How is he?”

“We need to get him to the hospital, flush his stomach and the sooner the better.”

“K, I’ll ring Leila.”

“Already done it, she’s going to meet us at the hospital.”

“Great. I’ll get Adam’s car, we can go in that.”

“I’m going in the ambulance.”

“Ok we’ll follow.” Sutan looked at Mike who nodded.

Tommy watched as the paramedics put Adam onto a stretcher, an oxygen mask over his face. He looked so pale. Tommy hadn’t prayed for many years but he was silently praying now for Adam to come through this.

As they took Adam down, the three men followed. Tommy got into the ambulance and held onto his boyfriend’s hand telling Mike and Sutan he would see them at the hospital.

^V^

Leila arrived at Tommy’s mothers and just sat in her car watching the house. She must have sat for a good 15 minutes before getting out and with a determined step made her way to the front door.

Ringing the bell she didn’t have to wait long before a young woman opened it.

“Hello, can I help you?”

“Hello, I’m sorry to drop by unannounced, but would it be possible to speak to Mrs Ratliff?”

“Mom’s out the back, can I ask who wants to speak to her?”

“Oh, sorry, I’m Leila Lambert, Adam’s mother.”

“Oh! Erm, I’m not sure she’ll see you.”

“Please, are you Lisa?”

“Yes I am.”

“Please Lisa, I really need to speak to you both.”

Lisa sighed. “Come in, I’ll go get mom.”

Leila followed her to the dining room. She didn’t have to wait long, Lisa was soon back with her stern looking mother.

“Good morning Mrs Ratliff.”

“What do you want?”

“Just to talk. I…”

“I have nothing to say.”

“Good, because I have plenty to say.”

“I’d like it if you’d leave.”

“No Mrs Ratliff, I’m not leaving until you’ve heard me out. If you want me to leave then, I will and I won’t bother you again.” Leila sat down, watching Tommy’s mother.

Lisa sat down. “Mom, hear her out, we owe her that much.”

Tommy’s mother nodded, then sat next to her daughter.

“I’ll come straight to the point. I understand how much of a shock it was for you to find out about Tommy. But he loves you…both of you, and he wanted to share in his happiness. He really does love my son and my son is in love with Tommy. What happened to Adam and Alex was not as you said, to do with his singing. It was bullies who hounded Alex who caused him to end his life, bullies who were supposed to have been his friends. Adam didn’t know what was happening until it was too late. Tommy met Adam at his lowest point, but he didn’t know who he was. Adam was scared Tommy would go to the press, so he gave him a kind of false name. Tommy actually fell for this other person before he found out who he really was. So you see Mrs Ratliff my son didn’t force Tommy into anything. They fell in love like any normal couple.”

“But they’re not normal.”

“Oh but they are. They are two people who found each other at a low point in their lives they began as friends then fell in love. They are no different to you and your husband or me and mine.”

“But they’re…”

“Both men, it doesn’t make a difference. Everyone is free to love whomever they want.”

“I had hopes for grandchildren.”

“Is that all you’re worried about, because I know my Adam loves kids and he’s always said he’d adopt one or two whenever the time was right.”

“Mom that’s what Adam said the other night too.”

“There you go Mrs Ratliff. Now I know you’re hurting, confused and maybe upset, but what you did last night has upset two very special men who are currently apart from one another, who really should be together. I don’t expect you to go to Tommy right away, but a phone call to him telling him you’ll talk to him about everything would be a start. These two men belong together and I’m going to do everything to make sure they stay together.” Leila’s phone rang. “Oh it’s Tommy. I should get this and maybe you could talk to him too.”

His mother nodded but as Leila answered, it was clear that something wasn’t right and mother and daughter hoped it wasn’t Tommy. As she came off the phone they noticed she had tears in her eyes.

“Is…is everything ok Mrs Lambert?”

“No…no it isn’t. Tommy went around to talk to Adam and found him unconscious on his bed. He’d taken some sleeping pills and washed them down with vodka.” Tommy’s mom and sister gasped. “They’re taking him to the Olympia Medical Centre to flush his stomach. I…I need to get to my son.”

“Of course. Is…is Tommy ok?”

“Not really. He’s terrified he’s going to lose the man he loves.”

“Would you…would you mind if I came with you?”

“Of course not Mrs Ratliff. I’m sure Tommy would love you to be there.”

“Thank you, and it’s Dia, Mrs Lambert.”

“And I’m Leila.” She tried to smile. “Let’s go and see how our boys are.”

Leila headed out to her car and waited, she had a feeling that something bad happening may bring a mother and son back together again.

As Dia got in the car she turned to Leila. “I’m sorry about last night. I didn’t realise.”

“It’s not me you should be apologizing to, it’s Tommy and Adam.”

“And I will when Adam’s well again.”

Leila smiled and squeezed Dia’s hand. The drive to the hospital was done in silence.

^V^

“Can’t you hurry up?”

“Sir, we’re going as quickly as we can.”

“But he’s…”

“Sir, as soon as we get there we’ll get someone to look at him.”

“Adam, please don’t leave me, I couldn’t go on without you.”

The paramedic watched the blond as tears ran down his face. He’d seen people in love, but never had he witnessed such a strong love between two men. His heart went out to the blond, praying that his boyfriend would be ok.

When they pulled up at the ER the back door burst open, Tommy saw two nurses waiting to receive Adam and take him away. Well no one was taking his boyfriend away from him.

As they moved the stretcher from the back of the ambulance a doctor tried to pull Tommy away.

“Sir, please you have to let us see to him.”

“Going with you.”

“But sir, I need you to let go.”

“Fuck if I’m letting go. Where he goes I go.”

The doctor looked at the paramedics, “what have we got?”

“He took some sleeping pills, we think he washed them down with vodka. Don’t know how many.”

“Does he have anything to do with it?”

Tommy glared at the doctor. “What? I found him, I love him, why would I…?”

“I’m sorry sir, but we have to ask everything. We get people in who dared each other and things go wrong.”

“Look are you going to help him or are we just gonna stand here discussing what I have and haven’t done?”

“Ok sir, if you’ll just let us take him.”

“NO! I’m coming with you.” Tommy hadn’t realized but Mike and Sutan had arrived.

“Hey TJ come on let them work on him. They’ll take good care of him,” Mike looked at the doctor, “won’t you?”

“Of course we will, you have my word.”

Tommy felt hands on his shoulders, he knew he had to let go. Bending down he whispered to Adam, “I love you, I need you back with me. I’m sorry.” Reluctantly he allowed Mike to pull him away and the three men followed the medical staff as they took Tommy’s lover to a room to work on him.

Mike, Sutan and Tommy looked through the window as the medical staff fastened tubes to Adam’s pale body. Tommy winced as a tube he thought looked too thick, was inserted and eased down Adam’s throat. He felt more tears sting his eyes but he couldn’t look away.

A nurse saw the three men watching and said something to the attending doctor. The next thing they knew, she was closing the curtains across the windows.

Tommy tried to get into the room, he wanted to see what was going on, but Mike held on tightly.

“TJ when they’ve finished working on him they’ll let us in to see him. Please Tommy, let them do their jobs.”

“I need him Mike. I can’t lose him not now.”

“I know, and you won’t. He’s a tough guy and he loves you.”

“How do you know that after what he said to me last night? Fuck Mike it’s all my fault. If I hadn’t made him…”

“Stop right there vayvee.” Sutan turned Tommy to look at him. “Tommy Joe, believe me when I tell you Adam loves you.”

“But…”

“Ssh vayvee, listen to me.” Tommy wiped a stray tear from his face and nodded. “He was crying last night and calling out for you telling you he loved you. It wasn’t your fault, you didn’t force him to sing. We all saw how happy he looked up there with you. Both Leila and I said he looked like the old Adam.”

“But what he said to me outside. How I meddled in his life…”

“No honey, you didn’t. What your mom said…Alex and, well you don’t need reminding, it just brought everything back to him. He was going to ask Alex to marry him, but he never got the chance.”

“I…I know, he told me. I know he loved Alex so very much, he tells me about him, how they met, what they used to do.”

“He was a wreck and then he met you and he came alive again. He was reminded last night of things that he was accused of doing before. So you see, it’s not your fault. He’s going to need you to be there for him, be strong for him. You’ll see, he’ll be back to his diva self in no time.”

Tommy smiled, never once had he seen Adam as a diva. “Oh Sutan, I really hope so. I told him we can escape LA, go somewhere just the two of us. No singing, no pressures. If he never wants to sing again I’ll respect that. I’ll even give up my job at the club. Just because I play there I don’t want him to feel pressured into being there too. I’ll go back to my job in the call centre.”

“He wouldn’t let you do that.”

“If you go back to that shit hole of a call centre Ratliff, _I_ will personally drag your sorry ass out.” Mike half smiled at his friend.

“Your friends’ right honey, Adam wouldn’t want you to do that.”

Tommy hugged Sutan. “I love him so much I’ll do anything to make him happy.”

“I know you will sweetie. Just be yourself that’s all he’ll want.” Sutan squeezed the blond tight.

They hadn’t heard Leila arrive until she spoke. “How…how is he?”

Tommy released himself from Sutan’s grip and flung himself into Leila’s arms, his crying starting again.

“Hey Tommy, come on. My son’s stubborn he’ll be ok.” She hoped she sounded convincing.

“Oh Leila, I’m so sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologise for.”

“I do. It was all my mom’s fault, she doesn’t understand how much I love Adam. She’ll never understand.” He hadn’t noticed his mother behind Leila.

“Thomas I…I’m sorry.”

Tommy heard the familiar voice. “What the fuck is _she_ doing here?”

“Thomas I…I was worried about you.”

“Bullshit mother. You don’t care about me. You only care about yourself and what your friends at the church are going to think. I can see it now. _Aww poor Dia her fag of a son has destroyed her family. He’s shacked up with that guy who killed his previous boyfriend_. Well mom, you can tell your precious friends that you no longer have a son. If you can’t accept me for who I am then I’m not your son anymore. Get it into your thick skull that I love Adam with all my heart and I am never…hear that mom, NEVER! Going to leave him. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to find out how my _boyfriend_ is.” Tommy turned away from his mother and went to stand back with Sutan at the window.

“Thomas, I’m sorry about what I said last night. I didn’t know the truth, only what I’d read on the internet and in the papers that Lisa showed me. Leila told me what really happened.”

Tommy turned to face the woman. “What do you mean?”

“I went to see your mom this morning, I was there when you rang me. I…I wanted to try to explain what happened to Alex.”

Tommy was about to say something when the doctor came out of the room.

“Oh erm, who are all of you?”

“I’m Leila Lambert, Adam’s mom.”

“Hello Mrs Lambert, can I please talk to you privately?”

“No doctor, what you have to say you can say in front of everyone here.”

“But...”

“No doctor, we _all_ need to know.”

The doctor sighed. “Ok, Mr Lambert has taken an unknown quantity of sleeping pills and by all accounts he washed them down with vodka. We’ve managed to flush his stomach and hopefully we have washed away traces of the pills and booze. He is still unconscious and we will be monitoring him constantly through the next 24 hours. We won’t know until he comes around what effect the combination of medication and alcohol have had on him.”

“What…what do you mean?”

“A body reacts in different ways to an overdose of alcohol and pills and it won’t be evident until he comes around.”

“You said that, but what does it mean? What is the worst thing?” Tommy gripped Sutan’s hand.

“And who might you be?”

“I’m his boyfriend. I…I found him.”

“Well we don’t know how long it was from him ingesting them to you finding him.”

“I can sense a but…”

"Mrs Lambert, if we were in time and have managed to remove all traces, then he will be ok, but the worst case scenario could be that he will be paralyzed with little or no control over his bodily functions.”

Both Tommy and Leila began crying again. Tommy went over to her and they held each other tightly.

“How…how long will we have to wait until he wakes up?”

“That I don’t know, every patient is different, it can take hours or sometimes days depending on how strong that person is.”

“Can we see him?”

“Only close family I’m afraid.”

“But what about me, aren’t I allowed to see the person I love?”

“Mr…”

“Ratliff, Tommy Ratliff.”

“I'm sorry Mr Ratliff, it’s only immediate family in a case like this.” The doctor went to walk away.

“Doctor if I say Tommy can see him would you agree to that?” Leila held on to the blond she could feel him tense beneath her touch.

“I’m not really supposed to, but if you say it’s ok then I’ll agree to Mr Ratliff seeing him. But I must insist that no-one else.” He walked off.

“Thank you Leila.”

“You’re part of our family Tommy and I’m sure Adam would rather see your face than mine when he wakes up.” She smiled and wiped a tear from Tommy’s cheek.

“Thomas I…”

“You still here?”

“Thomas please.”

“I’ve said all I’m going to say. So if you’ll excuse me I’m going to sit with my boyfriend in case he wakes up. I don’t want him to be on his own.” Tommy extracted himself from Leila’s arms, hugged Mike, hugged and kissed Sutan then disappeared into the room.

Dia watched as her son walked away. “What am I going to do?”

“Give him time Dia. He’ll come around, just wait until he knows Adam’s going to be ok.”

“Please tell him I’m sorry.”

“I will. What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to go home, tell Lisa what’s happening and if he wants me to come back I will. Please let me know how Adam gets on.”

“I will. Do you want me to drive you home?”

“No, I’ll get a cab.”

“No you won’t Dia, I’ll take you. Sutan would you mind if I borrowed Adam’s car?”

“Sure Mike, here you go.” Sutan threw the keys to Tommy’s friend, then both he and Leila watched as Mike left with Tommy’s mother.

“She’s genuinely sorry for what she said last night.”

“I can see that, but how do we convince Tommy?”

“I don’t know Sutan, but let’s concentrate on Adam right now. Once he’s up and feeling better we can sort Tommy’s relationship out with his mother.”

“You’re an amazing lady Leila Lambert. Come on let’s give the boys some time. I could do with a coffee.” Sutan held out his arm for her to take.

“Coffee sounds good thank you.” She looked into the room, Tommy had hold of Adam’s hand, stroking his thumb across the back. “Tommy’s a good man and I can see why Adam loves him so much.” She linked her arm in Sutan’s and with one last look at two beautiful men, they went in search of coffee.

^V^

Tommy walked into the room they’d moved Adam to. He was scared. Scared of what he’d find, how Adam would look. The doctor had told them he was still unconscious. Tommy had heard that if you talk to someone who’s unconscious, they could still hear you. He didn’t know how true that was, but he would try anything if it helped bring his lover back to him.

Tommy’s breath hitched when he saw a pale figure lying on the bed. He had tubes going into his arm, an oxygen mask covered his nose and mouth. Tommy could feel more tears begin to make their way down his cheeks. To him Adam was still beautiful. He loved him with all his heart.

Slowly the blond moved towards the bed, he could see Adam’s chest rising and falling with each breath he took. At least he didn’t have those tubes down his throat anymore helping him to breathe. The doctor said he was breathing on his own, he was just unconscious.

Tommy approached the bed, he wanted to shake him tell him to wake up, but he knew that was a stupid thing to do. Adam would wake up in his own time. He hoped.

He noticed a chair under the window. Quietly he moved it so he could sit at Adam’s side. As he sat he brushed away his tears. _Come on Ratliff you’ve cried enough, you need to be strong, he is going to be ok._ Tommy really had to believe that. Reaching out he gently took Adam’s right hand in both of his. Stroking his thumb across the back of the hand he gave talking to him a shot.

“Hey Adam, I…oh shit…I’m not going anywhere. I love you. I need you to come back to me. What my mother said last night was out of order. She wanted to break us up, please don’t give her that satisfaction. All that matters is I want to spend my life with you.” Tommy looked up, Adam’s eyes were still closed.

“Please baby, I need you to wake up. I don’t want to be without you. I promise I won’t ask you to sing anymore. I was wrong asking you last night. I should have just said no to Craig.” He sniffed. _Fuck it with the tears._ “No matter how long it takes I’m staying here with you. I…we all just want you to wake up.” He lifted the hand and kissed the fingers.

He heard the door open, turning to see who it was, he saw Leila carrying two cups of coffee.

“Hey Tommy.”

“Leila, he’s not waking up.”

“Oh honey, give him time. His body is healing and when it’s healed enough he’ll wake up and come back to us.”

“What if…” Tommy closed his eyes. “Fuck…sorry…what if he’s…you know…paralyzed? You heard what the doctor said.”

“I heard, but we have to believe Adam is strong enough to defy the odds and pull through. He was always the one not to give up when him and Neil were kids. I believe that because he realized he was gay at a young age, he had to prove to himself he could look after himself. He’s stubborn Tommy and he loves you and knows you love him.”

“How does he know I love him, he walked off last night before…”

“Oh sweetheart I know he loves you he didn’t remove his bracelet. Look he still has it on.”

Tommy checked Adam’s left wrist and sure enough it was still there. “How did you know that was from me?”

“Tommy Joe, he’s my son and we talk about everything and I notice things too. I saw it last night at the club and every time he looked at you up on the stage he fiddled with it. I asked him about it. He just said Tommy Joe.”

“I wanted to show him how much I love him.”

“He knows sweetheart. Now go have a break, drink this coffee, it looks like you need it.”

Tommy reached for the coffee. “Thank you, but I’d rather stay with Adam. I want to be here when he wakes up.”

“Ok, but promise me you’ll try and get some sleep.” She squeezed his shoulder.

“I’ll try, but…”

“We don’t want you booking a bed in this hospital, we…Adam needs you to be well.”

“I’ll be ok Leila as soon as I have Adam back.”

“I’m just going to let Sutan know how you both are.”

“Is…is _she_ still here?”

“Do you mean Dia?” Tommy nodded, “no, Mike took her home, but I’m sure she’ll be worried about you.”

“No…no she won’t. She thinks Adam and I are all wrong, her church has made sure of that.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. She asked to come with me when she heard what had happened. She does care for you, you’re her son.”

“Then why did she do that last night?”

“I’ve known Adam was gay right from a young age and I waited until the time was right for him to come out to me. Then I told him I guessed as much. With you, your mom has only seen you with girls. When you told her you were Bisexual I don’t think she really understood what it meant. With some people all they’ve heard is whether someone is gay or straight. I admire you both…” She looked at Adam. “…for how you told her, I just think she needs more time to come to terms with you choosing Adam instead of a girl.”

“How long is it going to take her? I can’t live my life walking on egg shells around her. This is me. This is who I am, Adam…” He looked at his sleeping boyfriend. “Adam is who I want to be with.”

“I know honey, I went around there this morning to talk to her, I’ll go and talk some more if you want me to.”

“No…but thank you for the offer Leila. If she wants to be a part of my life then she knows where I am. I’m fed up with trying to please her, so…” he sighed.

“Ok Tommy, but I’m here if you ever need someone to talk to.”

“Thank you Leila.” He got up and went to hug her. It was good to be able to tell someone how he felt.

Pulling apart. “I’m going to talk to Sutan, then I’ll be back and you can go for a break…ok?”

“But…”

“No Tommy, you need to get some air. I’ll be back in 30 minutes and I’ll stay with him whilst you have a break.”

“Ok, I know when I’m beaten.” He smiled.

“Good, now I’d say enjoy your coffee, but its hospital coffee.” She laughed, stroked a hand down Tommy’s cheek then left.

Tommy sat back down. “Hey, I’m still here. Wow, your mom is a force to be reckoned with. I love her, I wish my mom was like her.” He took a sip of the coffee and shuddered, it was bad. What he wouldn’t give for one of Adam’s coffees.

Putting the cup down he picked up Adam’s hand again. He sat watching him and stroking his hand. He lay his head down on the edge of the bed, he was tired, maybe if he just closed his eyes for a few minutes, he’d feel better.

^V^

Leila watched the blond through the window. He heart went out to him. She had been devastated when Alex had died and couldn’t imagine the hurt and pain Adam was going through. Now though she had some idea of that and she hoped that Adam would pull through. Tommy was a good man and she was indebted to him for getting Adam to live and love again.

“Hey pretty lady.”

“Hi Sutan.”

“You ok?”

“What…sorry…yeah I’ll be fine once we know how Adam is.”

He put his arm around her shoulders. “He’s a fighter, he’s got you, his friends and most of all he has Tommy, and if I had that beautiful blond in my bed every night, I know I’d be fighting to come back to him.”

“I’m scared Sutan, I…” She broke down.

“Sshh, I know, we’re all scared, we just have to believe he’s going to be alright.” He held her as her body shook.

“I’m sorry Sutan.”

“Hey you have nothing to be sorry for. It’s been one hell of a day and it’s not over yet. Look…” He pointed to the two men. “Tommy’s fallen asleep, probably a good thing. So why don’t you go home and get some sleep.”

“I don’t want to go home, I need to be here in case Adam wakes up.”

“But you look worn out.”

“I…I’ll go rest over there.” She pointed to some comfy chairs in a side waiting room.

“I’ll see if I can get something to wrap you up with from one of the nurses.” He watched as a broken mother headed to the chairs. He managed to find a spare cover and by the time he’d wrapped her in it she was asleep. He smiled, he loved his friends but hated to see them hurting in this way.

When he got back to Adam’s window he found Mike had returned. “Hey Mike how was Tommy’s mom?”

“Quiet. She was trying not to cry on the way home, but I kept hearing sniffles. She’s hurting and I really believe she wants to talk to Tommy.”

“Oh my, life is so complicated.”

“Tell me about it. I thought when Tommy finally got with Adam everything would be great. How wrong was I? Tommy hasn’t been in a good place since his dad died, but that all changed with Adam. I just want to see him happy again.”

“I know what you mean. Adam was a wreck until Tommy came along and seeing him singing again last night was the best thing ever. If there’s one thing Adam was meant to do and that is to sing. Tommy can be the one to do that, I really believe it.”

“He did look good last night. I hope he can do it for him again, once he’s better.”

“I’ll drink to that.” Sutan smiled. “How about we go get a coffee, all three are sleeping soundly, I’m sure they’ll be ok for a few minutes.”

“Yeah I’d love a coffee.”

The pair headed for the nearest machine.

^V^

Tommy stirred, he didn’t know how long he’d slept, but his neck felt like it had been in a vice. As he turned it he felt and heard it crack. “FUCK!” He realized he’d said that out loud and looked around to see if anyone had heard him. Breathing a sigh of relief when he saw he was alone with Adam, he turned to look at his gorgeous boyfriend.

“Hey, I’m still here. Sorry, I fell asleep, it’s been one hell of a day, but you don’t really need me to tell you that. I’d ask how you’re feeling, but you can’t answer me, so am just gonna imagine that you’re fighting your way back to me. Your mom’s gone for a break and some air, she said she’d be back soon. So…if you don’t mind, when she comes back I’m going to go get some of that stuff they call fresh air. Yeah I know, I don’t do sunshine, but if I don’t go I’ve a feeling your mom will kick my ass.”

“Too right she will.” Leila had come back into the room as Tommy was talking.

“Oh hi, I didn’t…”

“I know, you were talking so I didn’t want to disturb you.” She saw Tommy blush. “Hey its ok you know, I can see how much you love him, so I don’t mind what you say as long as it helps to bring him back to us.”

“He will come back, I know he will.”

“I believe that too sweetheart, we just have to be strong for him and for each other.”

“I’ve um…told him that, erm…well I’m going for some air. I also said you’d be here with him. That is ok isn’t it?”

“Of course it is. Now you go and don’t feel you have to hurry back. I’ll sit and talk to him until you get back.”

“Thank you.” Tommy hugged her and left, he looked back through the window watching as a mother took her son’s hand in her own. As he headed out he bumped into Mike and Sutan.

“Hey TJ everything ok?”

“Hey, yeah, Leila’s with Adam, she insisted I get some air, so…that’s where I’m going.”

“Want some company?”

“Do you…guys do you mind if I go on my own? I just want some time to think.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“I’m not going to do anything stupid Mike, I know what I’ve done in the past and it hasn’t solved anything. So I’m just going to sit outside, get some air and I’ll be back in about 20 minutes.”

“Ok, but we’re here for you, ring me if you wanna talk and I’ll come down.”

“Thanks Mike, but I’ll be ok.”

Sutan and Mike watched him go.

“He’ll be ok sweetie as soon as Adam wakes up.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“Hey this Queen is never wrong!” They both smiled and headed back to Adam.

Adam could hear noises but couldn’t understand what they were or what was going on. He remembered taking the vodka from the drinks cabinet and sitting on his bed counting the pills from the bottle. He remembered telling Alex he would be with him again soon, then leaving a message for Tommy before he went to sleep. _Tommy…what had he done? He’d hurt someone he loved. Would Tommy forgive him? He had to ask him, why couldn’t he move? He needed to let Tommy know he loved him_. He tried to move his arm but it felt like a lead weight. _Lift your head Lambert, look at him_. He could sense there was someone with him but he didn’t know who it was. He tried lifting his head but that too felt heavy. He relaxed, he needed to rest, but he needed to let Tommy know he still loved him. What he’d said last night was wrong, he realized that now. It was Tommy’s mom who’d said those things. _Oh Tommy I’m so sorry, I promise you I’ll make it up to you_. He felt himself drifting again, next time he’d tell Tommy how he felt.

Leila had been talking to Adam when she thought she saw his hand move. She’d pressed the bell for a nurse but by the time the nurse arrived she wasn’t sure whether she’d actually seen the hand move or imagined it. The nurse had told her that sometimes the patients’ muscles twitched involuntary and maybe that’s what she’d seen. She apologized to the nurse for calling her away from her other patients. The nurse had been really understanding and said that’s what she was there for. As the nurse left, Leila sat back down taking hold of her son’s hand again.

“Come on sweetheart, we need you to wake up. Neil wants his best man to spill stories about him at his wedding. I want to hear you laughing again and Tommy…well he wants the man he loves back in his arms again. Oh if you were wondering where Tommy is, he’s just gone for some air. He’ll be back soon. I told him I’d look after you until he got back.” She stroked her thumb across the back of his hand. She sat watching the sleeping man, silently praying he was going to wake up.

Tommy arrived back at the room just as the doctor was going in to see his lover. He saw him take his temperature, check the drip that was attached to his arm and then he said something to Leila, which made her cry.

Tommy rushed into the room, if it was bad news then he needed to know.

“Leila, what’s going on, are you ok, what did the doctor say?”

“Mr Ratliff…”

“Mr Ratliff was my father, I’m Tommy.”

“I’m sorry…Tommy, I don’t…”

“Don’t what? Come on I need to know.”

“Tommy, please let him finish.”

“M’sorry, but if it’s bad news I want to know.”

“Mr…Tommy, I just came to say that we have analyzed the contents of Mr Lambert’s stomach and we are certain that the amount of tablets he took were not enough to do any permanent damage to him.”

Tommy could feel more tears running down his face. “So why hasn’t he woken up yet?”

“Every patient, as I said before, recovers at a different rate. It’s his body telling him that he needs to rest in order to be well again. I’m confident that Mr Lambert will start to come around within the next 12 hours or so. He’ll be in and out of consciousness for a while, so we need to be patient with him. I do know that he will make a full recovery.”

“Leila and Tommy hugged one another and both cried openly. The doctor left them, smiling as he went. He loved his job when he could give relatives and friends good news.

“Oh Tommy he’s going to be ok.”

“I’m so pleased for you.”

“And you too.”

“I am pleased, I just hope that he still wants me after everything that’s happened.”

“He’ll want you because he loves you and you love him. Now why don’t you go home, shower, change and get some rest. You heard the doctor, he said it would be another 12 hours at least before he started to wake up.”

“But I want…”

“I know you want to be here. Go freshen up then come back, if that’s what you want to do I’m not going to leave him.”

“But you have to get some rest too.”

“I’ll do a deal with you. You go shower, change and come back, then I’ll go once you get back.”

“Sounds good. Will you do something for me?”

“If I can.”

“If he wakes up before I get back will you ring me?”

“That goes without saying.”

“Thank you.” He kissed her then went over to Adam. “Hey my gorgeous man, you’re going to be ok, the doc’s just told us. Now all you have to do is wake up. I’m just going home to shower and change then I’ll be back. I love you Adam Mitchel Lambert and I want to spend my life with you, if you’ll have me.” He kissed his forehead then left.

Leila watched as her son’s beautiful boyfriend spoke to him. She was crying again, this time tears of joy. These two men were meant to be together.

Tommy found Mike and Sutan, told them what had happened, after a _group hug_ Sutan gave Tommy the keys to Adam’s car, telling him it would be quicker than waiting for a cab. Thanking him Tommy nearly ran from the hospital, he didn’t want to be away from his man for too long.

He arrived home not knowing whether he’d broken the speed limit or not, but right now he didn’t care. All he cared about was getting back to Adam, being there when he woke up.

Showering and changing as quickly as he could he was just heading out again when his phone rang. Seeing it was Lisa he answered.

“Lisa, what do you want?”

“Well hello Tommy, I’m fine, thank you.”

“Look Lis, I can’t talk right now, I’m just heading back to the hospital, back to Adam.”

“That’s why I was ringing. How is he?”

“You really want to know?”

“Yes Tommy, I…we do.”

“Well for your information, he’s going to be fine. So if there’s nothing else I have to go.”

“I’m glad he’s going to be alright. Mom will be please too.”

“Yeah…right.”

“No Tommy, she really is sorry.”

“Look, I haven’t got time for this now. I have to get back to the hospital.”

“Ok, give him and Leila our love. I’ll get mom to speak to you once Adam’s home.”

“Yeah, whatever. Now I really do have to go. Bye.”

“Bye Tommy.”

He disconnected. If his mother wanted to talk, she’d have a lot of apologizing to do first.

Grabbing the car keys and a cold bottle of water from the fridge, he headed back to his boyfriend.

When he got back he found Mike and Sutan sat in the waiting room eating pizza. “You guys are unreal. Where…”

“Hey we were hungry and didn’t like the look of the hospital food, want some?”

“Nah, m’ok, will grab something later. Gonna let Leila go home to freshen up.”

“Ok, let us know if you want anything and we’ll sort it for you.”

“Thanks guys you’re the best. I need to get back to Adam.”

“Yeah, not a problem, tell him hi from us.”

“Will do.” Tommy waved as he headed to his boyfriend.

Leila was holding his hand as Tommy entered the room. “Hey, m’back.”

“Wow Tommy, record time.”

“I didn’t want to be too long. Oh had a call from Lisa too.”

“Oh, what did she have to say?”

Tommy briefly told her and said it was now up to his mother to make the first move. Leila told him he may be surprised.

“Look why don’t you go freshen up. I’ll ring you if there’s any change.”

“Ok, thank you Tommy. I won’t be long.”

“Take all the time you need, I’m not leaving him.”

“I know. Alright, I’ll see you soon.” She hugged him then left.

Once alone with Adam, Tommy sat back down. Taking his hand again he began stroking his thumb over the back of it and talking to him.

“I’m back my love. Your mom has just gone home to shower and change. We’re not leaving you. I’m here unless you tell me you don’t want me anymore.” He kissed Adam’s hand. He yawned. “Wow, all this running around has worn me out. Just going to rest for a bit. You don’t mind if I lay my head down here do you?” He looked up at Adam’s face. No recognition, no movement. He had to keep believing Adam could hear him.

Getting himself comfortable he laid his head next to Adam’s hand. It wasn’t the best position but at least he was close to his lover and if he did move he was close enough to feel it. It wasn’t long before the blond was asleep.

Adam could hear people crying. Why were they crying? Who was it? Was it his mom, Tommy, or was it someone else? He really wanted to open his eyes to see what was going on, but he didn’t have the strength to do that. Then he felt someone close to him talking to him. It was Tommy, his beautiful man was with him. After all he’d said the blond was still there for him. He needed to tell him he was sorry, that he still loved him. But it was difficult to speak. There was something over his face. He couldn’t move, so he’d have to tell him later how much he loved him. He could hear Tommy talking, but couldn’t quite understand what he was saying. Then he felt a kiss brush his forehead. If only he could look at his man, he’d know everything was alright.

He suddenly felt someone take his hand, that wasn’t Tommy. This hand was smooth, Tommy’s was calloused from playing his guitar. This hand was tiny, it had to be his mom’s. He smiled inwardly. He loved his family and yeah Tommy was family too.

Adam must have drifted off again, because the next thing he knew Tommy’s calloused fingers were stroking his hand again. He loved the roughness of his boyfriends’ fingers. He needed to feel those fingers on his body again.

The bed dipped at the side of him, what was Tommy saying? Something about being tired after everything that had happened. Adam felt the fingers slow down and then the stroking stopped. He took that to mean Tommy had fallen asleep. Adam drifted off again.

Not knowing how long he’d been out of things or what had really happened, Adam woke, it was still quiet, why couldn’t he hear anything. He could feel someone still present on his bed. He tried to open his eyes, this time with a little effort he succeeded. Looking down he could see the blond hair of his lover. Gently he tried to move his arm. It ached but it moved. Slowly, he didn’t want to startle Tommy, he lifted his hand gently placing it on the beautiful mop of blond hair. The hair felt soft, he began to move his fingers through it.

Tommy didn’t know how long he’d been asleep, but he suddenly felt something touching his head. Someone was running their fingers through his hair, just like Adam liked to do. _Adam! Was he finally awake?_ Moving slowly, so as not to startle him, Tommy looked up, straight into the beautiful blue eyes he’d fallen in love with.

tbc

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for staying with me on this. Hopefully in the next few weeks I'll be able to update more often.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who is patiently waiting for updates. Sorry it's taken me longer this time, but I promise not to be too long with posting the final chapter. This has been a great journey for me (and for our boys) and I'm happy that you've all enjoyed reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it.

Tommy thought he was dreaming. Rubbing his tired eyes he looked closer at the beautiful blue eyes staring back at him.

“Adam, hey.” He smiled.

Adam brushed his hand down Tommy’s cheek. He tried to speak but the mask covering his face prevented him. He lifted his hand to move the mask but Tommy stopped him.

“No Adam, it’s helping you. Wait, I have to get a nurse.” Tommy hit the call button above Adam’s bed. He smiled down at his boyfriend, “Oh Adam, why? I love you and I’m so very sorry.”

Adam tried to speak. “T…Tommy, not…not your…fault.”

“Ssh, we can talk when a nurse or doctor has seen you.” Hearing the door open Tommy turned to see a nurse entering. “Adam’s woken up!”

“If you’ll just wait outside whilst I check him, a doctor will be in to assess Mr Lambert in a while. Mr Lambert needs…”

“He needs me, I need him.”

“That may be the case sir, but please just until we’ve examined him, I need you to wait outside.”

Tommy looked at Adam, he saw a very pale man nod his head. Tommy turned to leave just as the doctor came through the door.

“Mr…sorry, Tommy, how long has Mr Lambert been conscious?”

“About five minutes, I think. I…um fell asleep, the next thing I knew was someone playing with my hair.” Tommy blushed, he was embarrassed having to explain an intimate act between two people to a doctor. “I thought I was imagining it, but then when I looked I saw Adam looking at me.”

“Thank you Tommy, I’m sorry to ask, but would you mind waiting…”

“I was just on my way out. I have to ring his mom, she’s gone home to rest.”

“Thank you, we’ll be done in a few minutes.”

Tommy smiled at Adam then left to go in search of Sutan and Mike. He could feel more tears running down his face, this time they were tears of joy. He found his friends leant against each other in the small side waiting room, they were both fast asleep and snoring. Tommy couldn’t resist, he snapped a picture quickly then woke them.

“Mike, Sutan, wake up!”

“Nngh, what…fuck…what’s wrong?” Mike sat up quickly.

“Hey sweetie, has something happened?”

They both noticed Tommy crying. Sutan was the first to jump up and hug the blond. “TJ, hey vayvee, you can tell us, has something happened?”

“Sutan…Adam, he’s…”

“Tommy what? Is he…”

“He’s awake.” Tommy hugged Sutan tightly. “He woke up guys, he played with my hair. I thought I was dreaming.” He laughed and cried at the same time.

“Aww vayvee, that’s fantastic. So why are you out here with us, why aren’t you in there kissing him, talking to him?”

“The doctor and nurse asked me to leave whilst they checked him over. I…oh Sutan he’s going to be ok.”

“See, we told you he would.”

“I need to ring Leila, she’ll want to see him.”

“I can do that.”

“Sutan, would you mind if I did it?”

“Of course not.” He kissed Tommy’s head.

“Thanks, oh and guys…”

“Mmm?”

“You two looked so cute together when you were asleep.”

“Tommy please tell me you’re joking?”

“Uh huh, got photographic evidence too.”

“You little shit!”

“Now Mike, I’ll show Carrie if you pick on me. How will you explain it to her?”

“Fucker!” Mike flipped Tommy off.

Sutan laughed. “Well I don’t mind having a cute guy cuddle me. Anytime your girl kicks you out I’m sure I could make room in my bed.”

“You guys are evil.”

“Yep.” They chorused.

“Seriously guys, thanks for staying, you didn’t have to you know.”

“We know, but we wanted to be here for you both. Now go ring Leila and give her the good news.”

“Yeah, I’m just going. Be right back.”

Sutan and Mike watched their friend head out.

“I’m so pleased for them.” Sutan sat down.

“Yeah, I don’t know what TJ would have done if…”

“Well honey we don’t have to think about that, not now. All we have to do is make sure Adam gets better and they are happy together.” Mike nodded, “you’re thinking Mike, what’s wrong?”

“Sorry Sutan, I was thinking about Dia.”

“Aah!”

“Yeah, I don’t know whether to ring her, let her know Adam’s awake. She asked me when I took her home. But if I do that I’m afraid Tommy will see it as me taking sides. Shit Sutan we’ve been friends for years, I love the guy as a brother, I don’t…”

“Hey, talk to Tommy, tell him what Dia said, tell him you don’t like seeing them argue. If you tell him about ringing her then you’re not going behind his back.”

“Who’s going behind who’s back?”

“Tommy…um…”

“Spit it out Nash, who’s doing what?”

“Tommy…I…shit!”

“Tommy, vayvee, come and sit down.”

“Has,…has something happened to Adam whilst…”

“No sweetie. Please, just sit down.” Sutan patted the seat next to him, Tommy sat.

“Mike, tell Tommy what you’ve just told me.”

“I…nngh!”

“Everything Mike, don’t leave anything out.”

“Guys I wish someone would tell me what’s going on.”

“K, ok.” Mike took a deep breath. “TJ, we’ve been friends for years and…”

“Yeah, I know that but…”

“Ratliff, shut up and let me finish.”

Tommy looked from Sutan to Mike, then he felt Sutan take hold of his hand.

“Tommy I…I love you like a brother. We’ve been there for each other in good times and bad. I hate to see you hurting and I…I…shit I also hate to see your family hurting too. Your mom…”

“Don’t want to hear it Mike. She’s had her chance.”

“Tommy vayvee, listen to him…please.”

Tommy sighed, then nodded.

“Thank you Sutan. Ok, when I took your mom home earlier, she was really upset.”

“pht, crocodile tears.”

“No Tommy, real tears, she’s hurting too. She knows what she did was wrong…”

“So why did she do it?”

“I don’t know, only you can talk to her about it.”

“Maybe I don’t want to _talk_ about it.”

“Tommy Joe Ratliff, shut the fuck up and listen. Your mom asked me to let her know when we knew anything about Adam’s condition. I…I was talking to Sutan, telling him I was going to ring Dia to let her know Adam’s awake.”

“NO!”

“What?”

“I said no! I don’t want her here. She doesn’t care about me or Adam, she just cares about herself and her precious church.”

“You’re wrong TJ, but ok, I’ll respect your wishes…for now. But she really is sorry and does care about you.”

“Well she has a funny way of showing it. Now if you don’t mind I’m going to wait for Leila and see how my boyfriend is.”

“Ok, and Tommy…” The blond stopped, “we’re here for you.”

“I know you are and thank you.”

They watched as their friend headed back to Adam.

“What do I do Sutan?”

“It’s a tough one sweetie, but give it a couple of days, then talk to him again. It’s been one hell of a day” Sutan looked at the clock, “and night. We’re all worn out, let’s see how long Adam’s got to remain in hospital and take it from there.”

“You’re right. Come on let’s go see how Adam is, then when Leila arrives we’ll go get some sleep. I should also let Craig know how they both are.”

“Good idea.” Sutan put his arm around Mike’s shoulders and the pair headed in the direction of Adam’s room.

^V^

Tommy was standing outside when his friends arrived, the doctor was still checking Adam over and they weren’t allowed in.

Tommy had his forehead pressed against the window, his eyes closed.

“Hey vayvee, you ok?”

“Hi, yeah m’ok, I think.”

“He’s going to be ok. He’s awake and the doc’s making sure everything is in working condition.” Sutan winked.

Tommy blushed and Mike giggled.

“I know, but…what if he doesn’t want me anymore?”

“We’ve already said he loves you, he was calling your name last night.”

“But what if he blames me for everything. He has every right to, I made him sing.”

“Whoa, stop right there. We’ve been over this and no-one forced him to do anything. When the doc comes out, go talk to him, tell him how you feel. If you don’t then _both_ of you will regret it.”

“Sutan’s right TJ. I can see how much he means to you. Hell man, I’ve been with you through all your disastrous relationships and believe me this ain’t one of them. You’re stubborn…both of you…” Tommy looked at his friend. “Hey just stating the truth, and Leila says Adam is stubborn also. Talk, because if you don’t both of you are going to wonder _what if_.”

Tommy lightly banged his head against the window. He knew his friends were right, but he was scared.

“You’re not going to achieve anything by breaking that window, besides you’ll only have to pay for a replacement as well as having stitches in your head.”

Tommy laughed.

“That’s better. I like seeing my vayvee smile.”

As the doctor left Adam’s room Tommy stopped him.

“Doctor, how is he?”

“Tommy, where’s Mrs Lambert?”

“On her way. She went home to rest. Why what’s wrong? Is he…”

“Tommy, I’d rather wait until his mother was here.”

“Please, can’t you tell me and I’ll tell Leila?”

“I’m sorry, as she’s his next of kin.”

“Fuckshitfuck, that doesn’t sound good!”

“Mr Ratliff…Tommy, I’d rather tell you all at the same time.”

“Is he…can he…will he?” Tommy was even more scared now.

“I’d rather wait until…”

“Wait for what Doctor?”

In the confusion no-one had heard Leila arrive. Tommy went to her holding on tight.

“Oh Leila, the doctor won’t tell us what’s happening with Adam. He said he had to wait for you.”

Tommy could feel more tears, he had cried so much he didn’t know where they were coming from.

“Doctor, Tommy is my son’s partner, anything you have to say to me needs to be said to him. So I’d appreciate it if you have anything to say you tell him when or if he asks. He has a right to know. I don’t care whether you think their relationship is right, what I care about is the rights these two beautiful men have. Our President has…”

“Mrs Lambert…I know what our President has declared and I have no problems with who people love. My only problem is that you are his next of kin, officially, and I have to inform those people first, otherwise if anyone found out I’d gone against hospital policy I could lose my job.”

“Well I’m here now, so please tell us, how is my son?”

The doctor took a deep breath, “we’ve taken him off the oxygen, he’s breathing fine on his own. He may have a sore throat, which is the result of us inserting the tube when he was admitted to the ER earlier today. He will drift in and out of sleep. That is the after effects of the pills and vodka he took, but it is not life threatening, it’s just his body helping him to recover.”

“What…what about the paralysis? When he was first admitted you said there could be a possibility of…”

“We’ve tested his reflexes and pressure points and we can find no sign of paralysis. Mr Ratliff told my nurse that Mr Lambert woke him by putting a hand on his head. So I see no reason why Mr Lambert won’t make a complete recovery.”

“When…when can we take him home?”

“I’d like to monitor him for another 24 hours, so how does Saturday sound to you?

Leila and Tommy smiled through their tears. “That would be amazing, thank you.”

“I must stress though, for about a week, he must not be left on his own. I’ve seen people who have attempted suicide have a relapse, they may collapse because of the strain on their body, or they may try again.”

“I’m not going to leave him, I’ll be with him all the time. I’ll take time off work to look after him.” Tommy raced his words out in one breath.

“That’s very commendable I’m sure, and with all the love I’ve seen from everyone, Mr Lambert will be fine. Now if you’ll excuse me I have another patient to see before I go home for what’s left of the night.”

“Doctor, can we see Adam?”

“He’s sleeping again, but I don’t see any problems if you want to sit with him.”

“Thank you for everything doctor.” Leila shook his hand.

“My pleasure Mrs Lambert. It’s nice to be able to give a family some positive news after a harrowing time.” The doctor squeezed her shoulder and headed off.

Tommy stared into the room wanting nothing more than to go to him but scared in case Adam didn’t want him anymore.

“Hey Tommy go on, go to him, he’ll want to see you when he wakes up.” Tommy looked at Leila. “I’m going to catch my breath and then I’ll be in, ok?”

“OK.” Tommy hugged Sutan and Mike then went to sit with his man.

They watched as the blond tentatively sat down, taking hold of Adam’s hand gently trying not to wake him. They saw him brush away yet more tears.

“He’s hurting Leila. He blames himself for what Adam did, says if he hadn’t asked him to sing he wouldn’t be in hospital now.”

“No way is it Tommy’s fault and I believe Adam will say the same. Dia knows she did wrong and wants to make amends.”

“Tommy didn’t want her here. We offered to ring and let her know, but he was adamant.”

“I’ll talk to him, but not just yet.”

“Thank you. Now if you don’t mind I’m going to take Mike home and then go get some sleep.”

“Not a problem boys. Thank you for staying with the pair of them.”

“Our pleasure, we wouldn’t be anywhere else.” Sutan kissed and hugged Leila then Mike did the same. “Ring us if you need anything.”

“I will thank you.”

“Oh and tell TJ not to worry about Craig, I’ll talk to him tomorrow, or rather later today.”

“Thanks, I’ll tell him. Now go get some rest.” Watching as they left Leila thanked whoever was listening for having amazing friends and for bringing her son back to them.

Tommy sat down taking Adam’s hand in his again.

“Hey, I’m back. The doc’s told us you’re going to be alright. I don’t know what I would have done if…well if you…Oh Adam I’m so very sorry for everything. I promise you if you still want me I’ll never do anything like that again. I won’t even ask you to sing for me. I understand now how much it hurts for you do to that. I’ll even find a new job. One where I won’t have to play guitar. I couldn’t live with myself knowing how much it hurts you. During the next week the doc says we have to make sure you’re ok, so when you go home on Saturday, if…if you’ll let me I’d like to stay at your apartment and look after you. If you don’t want me there I’ll move my stuff back to my apartment and I’m sure your mom would stay with you. Oh Adam I love you so very much. I really am sorry.” He lifted Adam’s hand to kiss it.

“Stop…stop kissing my hand and…and kiss me properly…please.”

Tommy looked at Adam who was awake and smiling. “How…how long have you been awake?”

“Long…long enough to hear you going on about looking after me. You are not moving your things from _our_ apartment. Oh Tommy…” Adam took a deep breath, his voice sounded ragged.

Tommy sat on the edge of the bed so he was closer to Adam he didn’t want him straining his voice. “Ssh, don’t talk so much the doc said…”

“Fuck what the doctor said. I want to tell you how much I love you and want you living at _our_ apartment.”

“But after everything?”

“Tommy Joe, shut up.” Tommy laughed through his tears. “I love you so very much. It wasn’t your fault, what your mom said just brought everything back to me, what happened with Alex and what the gutter press accused me of. I don’t want you to leave, you are part of my life and I hope you want me in yours.”

“I want nothing more, I love you so very much Adam Mitchel Lambert, and I’ll do anything you want to keep you.”

“Kiss me and show me how much you love me.”

Tommy leant down and lightly kissed him. As he pulled back.

“Is that all you have Tommy Joe?”

“But…”

“But nothing. Fuckin’ get your gorgeous lips down here and kiss me properly.”

Tommy didn’t need telling twice. Leaning back down he kissed him with force, opening his lips allowing Adam’s tongue to map the inside of his mouth. Moans escaping both their mouths as the kiss heated up.

“eh erm.”

The boys hadn’t heard Leila come into the room and as she coughed they pulled apart, both blushing for being caught out.

“I hate to break up something beautiful, but I don’t think the doctor would appreciate you two having hot sex just after Adam has woken up.” She smiled when she saw their blushes turning a deeper shade of red.

“Sorry Leila.”

“I’m not sorry mom. I love Tommy and wanted to show him how much.”

“Wait until you get home on Saturday to show him. Right now you need to rest.”

“I need Tommy.” Adam blew him a kiss.

“I know you do sweetie, he’s not going anywhere. So rest and he’ll be here when you wake up.”

“Promise?” Adam looked lovingly at the blond.

“Yeah, I’ll be here. Now do as your mom says and rest.”

“Yes Doctor!” Adam laughed. “I love you Tommy Joe Ratliff. And you’re not giving up your music, you were born to play guitar.”

“But how…” Tommy looked down at his boyfriend, but he was asleep again. “How…I…”

“My son knows you too well and he’s right, you shouldn’t give up playing. But we can all talk about that once he’s home.”

“Ok.” He looked from the sleeping man to his mother, he yawned. “M’sorry Leila.”

“Nothing to be sorry for. Look go sleep in the waiting room, I’ll stay with him.”

“D’ya mind if I stay here, I’ll sleep in the chair. I want to be here when he wakes up.”

“Ok, but sleep. Promise?”

“I promise, thank you.” He went to sit in the comfy chair.

Once both men were asleep Leila headed to the waiting room to make a phone call.

^V^

The two women watched their sons through the window.

“Are you sure this is the right thing to do? I don’t want to cause any more problems between them.”

“All you have to do is talk to him. He’s hurting, but he loves Adam. He…they only wanted you both to be happy for them.”

“I can see that now. Has…has Thomas been home?”

“Only to shower and change. Look Dia, what I’m going to say is something you may not like or agree with but I’m going to say it anyway.”

“Leila, I’ve come to realise you say what you think all the time and…well I admire you for it. I suppose since Ron died I’ve been listening to the wrong people instead of those who love me.” She brushed away a tear. “So, what were you going to say?”

Leila handed over a handkerchief. “Dia, Tommy is a 32 year old man, not a young child. He has a mind of his own and being spoken to like a child doesn’t help things. Yes he was christened Thomas but he doesn’t use that, maybe you could try using Tommy. I can understand him getting upset by his name if you used it to reprimand him when he was a child.”

Dia sighed, “I…I suppose I can see what you mean. I…I’ll try and remember.”

“I understand it’s going to be difficult for you to do, but give it a go, see how he responds.”

“Thank you Leila. I don’t want to lose him.”

“And you won’t, he loves you and that’s why they wanted to tell you their news in the way they did. They are just like any other couple in love, the only difference is they are both men, but that shouldn’t make any difference what so ever.”

“I know and I’m beginning to understand that. Lisa has said enough about it since their admission last Sunday. She’s tried to convince me they are just like the rest of us.” She sighed “I’m so sorry for my outburst last night. I saw how amazing they both looked up on stage. But when I heard Thomas…Tommy introduce him as Mitchel Adams I…well you know the rest. Now I know why they did that, I’m deeply ashamed of myself.”

“Tell them that. Tell them everything.”

“I want to, but will they listen to me?”

“The only answer to that is to go in there.” Leila pointed into the room, “and calmly talk to them.”

“Would you…would you come in with me?”

“Of course I will. Now let’s leave them to sleep and we’ll come back later. How about we go grab a coffee?”

“Yes, that sounds good, thank you.”

Leila put her arm around Dia, she was a woman who wanted to do right by her son but needed a guiding hand. Leila hoped she could help them reconcile their differences.

Tommy woke, sleeping in a chair was not the most comfortable of things to do, but he hadn’t wanted to be far away from his beautiful man. Glancing over to the bed he saw Adam watching him and smiling.

“What?”

“Oh just looking at the most beautiful man I know.”

“Not beautiful, feel yucky and…”

“You’re not. I’m so sorry Tommy Joe.”

Tommy unfolded himself from the chair and went to sit on the edge of the bed. “Hey what are you sorry for? It was my fault.”

“Oh Tommy you had nothing to do with it. I was scared of the reaction I’d get when people realised who I was.”

“But if I hadn’t asked you to sing…”

“You didn’t force me to sing, that was my choice. And if you want the truth, I was enjoying myself up there with you.”

“Then my mother happened!”

“Hey, don’t blame her either Tommy.”

“Why not? She was the one who started all this.”

“And I’m so very sorry Thom…Tommy.”

Adam saw the blond tense, and reached for his hand.

Tommy went to stand, but Adam’s calming hand in his own prevented him. He shifted on the bed so he was facing his mother and Leila.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“Thom…Tommy, Please, I have to talk to you…both.”

“What, no telling me off for my language. Well that’s a first mother.”

“Tommy, Adam, please listen to Dia. If when she’s finished you don’t like what she said then…well we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

Tommy looked from Leila back to his mother. He felt Adam squeeze his hand.

“Give her a chance Tommy Joe. For me…please.”

Gazing into the blue pools of his boyfriends’ eyes all Tommy saw was love. He nodded, then leant down and kissed him. He heard his mother take a deep breath.  
Breaking the kiss, “What’s wrong mom? Don’t you like seeing two men kissing?” He kissed Adam again.

“Tommy please…hear me out?”

Tommy turned to face her, still holding on to Adam’s hand. “Ok, I’ll…we’ll listen. But I warn you, it had better include an apology to Adam for what you said last night.”

“That goes without saying.” She moved closer to the bed. “Adam…Tommy,” Not calling him Thomas was a surprise in itself, so Tommy was prepared to listen. “I am so very sorry I interrupted your performance last night. I was out of order and angry. I could see everyone having an amazing time, then when you mentioned Adam’s name, I remembered what I’d read on line and just wanted everyone to know what a liar my son had got himself involved with. I didn’t understand everything nor the reasons behind why you changed your name. I believed what I’d read and didn’t bother finding out the truth. Not until Leila came to see me this morning.”

“Why mom?”

“Why what Tommy?”

“Why did you believe what you read?”

“I don’t know, is the simple answer. I suppose I wanted you to get married and have children and my church said that because you are Bisexual that will never happen and…”

“Stop right there mom. I don’t want to hear what your church says. I just want you to know that I _am_ happy. The happiest I’ve been for a very long time. And who knows maybe one day I _will_ get married and have kids.”

“Mrs Ratliff.”

“Please, it’s Dia.”

“Ok, Dia. I love Tommy and I also want to get married one day and maybe have kids too. So please don’t rule out Tommy Joe giving you a couple of grandkids.”

“I can see how much you love my son, so I guess I’m saying can you please forgive me for what I said last night? I love Thomas…sorry Tommy. It’s going to get a bit of getting used to calling him that. I…I only want him to be happy.”

“And I am happy with Adam, mom.” He leant down and kissed him again. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure what is it?”

“Was it you making those phone calls and then hanging up or saying nothing?” Dia nodded, “why mom? What did you hope to gain from it?”

“I…I wanted to talk to you but when Adam answered I didn’t know what to say.”

“But I answered every other time.”

“I know, and I was scared, scared that when you realized it was me you’d be angry.”

“I was more angry by you not saying anything.”

“I’m so sorry Tommy, can you forgive me?”

He looked at each of the people in the room, Adam squeezed his hand then smiled.

Tommy got off the bed and went to his mother. “I just want you to understand how much I love Adam, and that what you see in front of you is who I am and I’m not going to change for anyone.”

“I wouldn’t want you to. I can see that now. I’m sorry Tommy, Adam, I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me?”

Tommy looked back at Adam, then to his mother. Then he did something he hadn’t done for a long time, he hugged her. He felt her arms go hesitantly around him, then she was holding him tight and they were both crying.

Pulling apart Dia looked at her son, then to Leila who smiled and nodded. Extracting herself from her son’s embrace she went over to Adam.

“Will you ever forgive me?”

“Already have done Dia.”

“Thank you.” She leant down and hugged him.

“Well, now we’ve got that sorted out, I don’t know about you boys but I need some sleep.” Leila yawned.

“What time is it mom?”

“Um…sorry…it’s 7am, Friday morning. The doc has said you can go home tomorrow, but only if you’re rested.

“I’m sure I’ll be able to do that. I can’t wait to be back in my own bed.” He saw Tommy look down. “Hey, Tommy Joe, what’s wrong?”

“If…if you want to be in _your_ bed, does that mean you don’t want me back with you?”

“Oh Tommy, come here.” Tommy tentatively moved over to the bed, he didn’t sit down, just stood looking at his boyfriend. “I want nothing more than to get out of here, but I don’t want to go home alone. I want you there with me in _our_ bed. If…well if you still want me?”

Tommy looked at him, “I love you Adam and I still want you.”

“Good then you can take me home tomorrow and make me comfortable in our bed.” Adam saw Tommy blush. He suddenly remembered that Leila and Dia were still in the room.

“Oh, erm…oops, sorry I erm…” Leila and Dia were both smiling.

“Adam, I’m just happy you’re going to be alright. But I will say one thing.” Adam and Tommy looked at Dia. “If you ever hurt my son you’ll have me to answer to.”

“And you really wouldn’t want to cross my mother!” Tommy laughed, so pleased they’d sorted everything out.

“We’re going to go wait for Tommy outside, then we’ll take him home.”

“But I was…”

“No Tommy, you’re going home with us to get some proper rest. You can come back later and see Adam. Right Adam?” Leila glared at her son.

“Mom’s right baby, you should go get some rest, I’ll sleep too, that way the time will go quicker.”

“We’ll be outside, don’t keep him talking too long!” Leila winked.

“Thank you Dia, mom, I won’t.” they watched as the two women left them alone.

“Are you ok baby?”

“I have you, so yeah I am.”

“You know what I mean. That was amazing of your mom, I told you she loves you.”

“Yeah you did. It must have taken so much courage for her to admit that.”

“She’s a great lady and yeah she is a strong woman.”

“I…I…fuck!”

“What’s wrong baby?”

“I was scared you wouldn’t want me anymore after, well after what you said to me outside the club.”

“I’m sorry, I was scared, upset and I should never have said those things.”

“Is that…is that why you did what you did?” Tommy couldn’t bring himself to say overdose, it sounded so final.

“As we were driving home I realized that it wasn’t your fault and that maybe you’d be better off without me. I carry a lot of baggage and didn’t want to drag you down with me. I wanted desperately to ring you, but I was afraid you wouldn’t want to speak to me. I was upset and angry with myself at how I’d spoken to you. I just wasn’t thinking. I love you so very much Tommy Joe Ratliff, I don’t ever want to be without you.”

“And you won’t be, but you have to promise me one thing.”

“Anything baby, anything.”

“You have to talk to me, if you’re feeling scared, upset, angry. I want you to tell me if I do anything wrong. Talk to me about Alex, about your feelings for him. I want to help, to be there for you.”

“Ok, but you must do the same. We’re in this relationship together.” Tommy nodded then kissed him quickly. “What did Craig say?”

“Fuck!” Not spoken to him, I don’t know if I’ll have a job to go back to. But that’s not a problem, I was thinking of quitting anyway.”

“What the hell for?”

“I can understand why you didn’t, don’t want to sing. So I was thinking of looking for another job.”

“Thomas Joseph Ratliff, you are not giving up your music. I…”

Neither had heard the doctor come in, “I’m sorry to disturb you, but I must insist Mr Lambert get some rest. He’s had enough excitement for one day.”

“Tommy promise me you won’t do anything until we talk about this when I get home.”

“I…I need to speak to Craig.”

“Ok, go talk to him, tell him everything, but please don’t do anything until we’ve talked. Promise?”

Tommy nodded, “K, I promise.”

“Good, now kiss me then get your beautiful ass home to bed and I’ll see you tonight.”

Tommy smiled, kissed his boyfriend and as he left he wiggled his non existent ass. Adam laughed and the doctor coughed.

Tommy headed to the waiting room. His mom and Leila were deep in conversation.

“Hey Leila, mom, I’m done, shall we go home?”

“Yeah, good idea.”

“Mom!”

“Yes T…Tommy.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re my son and I love you.”

“I love you too mom.” He hugged her, things were starting to get better.

^V^

Tommy couldn’t sleep. He’d gone to Leila’s, he was going to go to his own apartment but she’d said he shouldn’t be on his own. His mother had said he could go home with her, but he’d declined because he knew he’d get the third degree from Lisa over everything that had happened.

So here he was, sat in Adam’s old room annoyed that he couldn’t sleep. He was going over in his mind what he’d say to Craig later that day. He’d messaged him on the journey over apologizing for what had happened and that he would be in later that day to explain fully. He got a reply from his boss just saying he’d see him at 2 that afternoon. Tommy was worried, he knew Craig was pissed with him, the abruptness of the message told him that. He was expecting the worst and was ready for Craig telling him he was fired. Well he wouldn’t give him that satisfaction, he’d quit before Craig could say anything.

He knew everything that was going around in his brain was what was preventing him from sleeping. He looked at the clock for what felt like the hundredth time. It was still only 11.30am. He’d been at Leila’s for the last 4 hours and he still hadn’t slept. There was a gentle knock at the door.

“Come in.” He smiled when he saw Leila carrying a mug of coffee.

“Hey honey, thought you might like a coffee.”

“Mmm thank you.”

“Did you manage to get some sleep?”

He was sitting on Adam’s bed, his back to the headboard, Leila put the mug down then sat at the side of him.

“Not really, got too much going on in my mind.”

“Everything’s going to be ok.”

“I hope so. I messaged Craig on the way here, I’ve got to go see him at 2 this afternoon. From the tone of his message I may not have a job to go back to.”

“Just be honest with him. He might surprise you.”

“I’m not going to give him the chance to fire me, I’m gonna quit.”

“Are you sure that’s the right thing to do?”

“I’m sure I could get another job, besides that studio in New York wanted me to work for them.”

“I remember Adam mentioning it, but he also said you preferred playing live.”

“I do, but if it’s all that’s on offer I’ll move.”

“Don’t rush into things sweetie. You never know what’s around the corner.”

Tommy scooted down the bed to hug her. He sniffed.

“Hey come on, Adam’s going to be fine, so are you, no matter what happens in the meeting this afternoon.”

“M’sorry Leila, I’m just happy that Adam’s coming home and will be ok. I’ll do anything to make him happy and if that means stopping playing then that’s what I’ll do.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. As for giving up the guitar, you know he’ll never let you do that, he knows how much it means to you.”

“But if it’s going to…”

“No Tommy, I saw how good the pair of you looked up on that stage, you’ve given him a purpose again. Just you wait and see.”

“I’d love to think you’re right but we’ll see.”

Leila hugged him tight. “Do you want some lunch?”

“Don’t think my stomach could stand it.”

“But you have to eat. When was the last time you had any food?”

“Umm…possibly Wednesday, can’t remember.”

“That confirms it, I’m going to make you a sandwich. You have to eat something otherwise it’s going to be you in hospital next.”

“Ok, thank you.”

“Now go freshen up and I’ll see you downstairs in 20 minutes. Ok?”

Tommy nodded, hugged her again then watched as she left. He loved her, she was an amazing lady. He dragged his sorry ass to the shower. Turning it on to hot he stood under the powerful spray just letting it beat against his skin. He felt better, but still had that foreboding feeling Craig was going to be really pissed with him. As he climbed out of the shower he wrapped a towel around his waist then picked up his clothes, he sniffed his t-shirt and wrinkled his nose. _Yeuk Ratliff, they smell gross_. He hoped he could find something in the drawers in Adam’s room, but he was a skinny fucker whatever he found would bury him.

He raided the drawers finding some old sweatpants and a Bowie t-shirt. The t-shirt was a little large but he’d be able to get away with that. The sweatpants were another matter, even pulling the cord tight and tying it, they still felt like they were falling down. Looking down at his feet…he laughed, the legs were so long it looked as though he didn’t have any feet.

He carefully made his way downstairs to the kitchen and as soon as Leila saw him she burst into fits of giggles.

“What?” Tommy tried to be serious but joined in the laughter.

“Oh Tommy, you can’t go meet your boss like that!”

“I know, but my clothes stink, can’t go in them either. I hope you don’t mind I borrowed these out of the drawers.”

“I don’t mind, but I think your boss might. Look sit, eat this.” She put a sandwich in front of him. “I’ll go raid the clothes Neil’s still got here. He’s smaller than Adam.”

“Won’t he mind?”

“I’m not going to tell him. I’m sure he’s not going to be here anytime soon. You can bring them back when you’ve finished with them.”

“Thank you.” He smiled. “seems I’m saying that a lot lately.”

“And you’re welcome, so stop worrying. Enjoy your sandwich, oh help yourself to more coffee from the pot.”

Tommy nodded, he’d taken a bite of the sandwich he didn’t realise he was craving, it sure tasted good.

Leila came back with a pair of black jeans and a dark blue shirt. “Here Tommy, try these, if the legs are too long you can always turn them back. Same goes for the shirt sleeves.”

“And you’re sure Neil won’t mind.”

“Nope, it’s an emergency. So once you’ve finished that, go change.”

Tommy savoured the food and his third mug of amazing coffee, then went to change. Finally coming downstairs looking decent again, he saw Leila watching him.

“What have I done? Have I got food over my face?”

“No, I’m just looking at the gorgeous man my son has fallen in love with.” Tommy blushed, “I’m sorry if I’ve embarrassed you, but I have so much to thank you for. You’ve given me back my son. Until he met you he was just an empty shell.”

“You don’t…don’t blame me for what he’s just done?”

“Never, it is not your fault and I don’t want you thinking it is either. It was a hiccup which has been sorted out.”

“Adam’s helped me too, I’m so thankful to him.”

“Treat this as a learning curve and just move on, be happy and enjoy life.”

“I’m going to make sure that happens. I’m going to be there for Adam for as long as he wants me. If one day in the future we come to a point in our lives where we no longer feel the same about each other, I’ll take all my happy memories with me and hope that Adam and I can remain friends.”

“I’m sure you’ll be together for a very long time.”

Tommy smiled. He looked at the clock, “Shit…I’m sorry Leila, I need to phone for a cab if I’m going to be at the club for 2.”

“Here.” She threw her car keys to him. “Take my car then go to the hospital, see Adam then come back here and we can both go bring him home tomorrow.”

“Are you sure? Won’t you need your car?”

“No, I’ll be fine, besides I’m going to see Neil and Elysse this afternoon so I can get a cab then either one or both of them can bring me home.”

Tommy hugged her “Thank you, you’re amazing.” He kissed her cheek, picked his wallet and phone up then headed out, hoping he could get Craig to understand everything.

“Good luck Tommy, let me know how you get on.” Leila shouted as she watched him get in her car. He waved, as he drove off. She hoped he still had a job after everything that had happened.

^V^

As Tommy pulled into the parking lot of Bar 39 he felt sick. He maybe shouldn’t have had that sandwich. He took several deep breaths before getting out.

As he approached the door he hadn’t felt this nervous since his interview/audition for the job at the club. Pushing it open he spotted Craig behind the bar restocking the optics.

“Craig!” Tommy was scared shitless and didn’t mind admitting it.

Craig stopped fixing the bottle of vodka and turned, “Tommy!”

_Fuck he’s pissed_. “I’m…I…fuck I’m sorry.”

“Want a drink?”

“Am I gonna need one?”

“Don’t know, do you?”

“Look, I’ll just say it for you. Save you the bother. I quit, I’m sorry about everything that happened on Wednesday night. I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to explain about Adam and I’m so very sorry I lied to you. Ok, I’ve said everything, I’ll just go, get my guitar and I’ll be out of your hair and you can look for a new guitarist.” He went in the direction of the stage.

“Tommy Joe Ratliff, sit your skinny ass down, stop talking and listen.”

Tommy had is back to his boss, he closed his eyes, took a deep breath then turned to see his boss and friend smiling. _Ok so that’s not the expected reaction I thought I’d get_.

“Well…are you gonna sit or do I just have to say what I need whilst you’re standing there?”

“I…erm…K, I’ll sit, but if you’re…”

“Tommy, just shut, the, fuck, up!”

Tommy sat on the nearest bar stool. “K, m’sat, tell me to fuck off and not come back.”

“Will you just listen to me Ratliff?” Tommy nodded. “Firstly I know everything.”

“How…what…Mike?”

“Yeah, Mike. So, question number 1, how is Adam?”

“He’s going to be ok, we can take him home tomorrow, but we have to keep a close eye on him for the next week.”

“Ok, we’ll talk more about that in a minute. Second question, how are you?”

“M’ok, tired, couldn’t sleep properly, worried about Adam, but m’ok.”

“Good, not that you’re tired but you’re ok. Right now…”

_Here it comes Tommy Joe, the grilling then telling you you’re fired_.

“TJ are you listening to me?”

“What…m’sorry, just thinking.”

“Well stop thinking and listen.” Tommy nodded. “I asked why you didn’t tell me about Adam?”

“I…shit I was scared. He was terrified people would expose him to the press. I didn’t want him getting hurt again, he’s had enough to go through. I’m so sorry Craig.”

“So you said. I’m your boss…yes…but I’m also your friend…well I hope I’m your friend. I wish you’d talked to me. I could have helped.” He watched as Tommy picked at the chipped nail polish on his fingers. “I guess I kinda knew there was more to Adam when I caught him singing that first time and he ran out of here. I understand why you did what you did. I also know how you fell in love with him before you actually knew who he was. Oh Tommy I’m sorry you had to go through all of this, I wish you’d have told me I could have helped.”

“I tried to tell you, but each time something happened and I never got the chance.” He took a deep breath, “then after Wednesday it was too late. My mom kicked up shit.” He wiped away a tear.

“Hey Tommy, it’s ok.”

“No Craig, it isn’t. I lied to you, lied to everyone. I’ve lost everyone’s trust and I’ll understand if you don’t want me working here anymore.” He smiled.

“Tommy Joe Ratliff, where the hell am I going to get a badass guitarist from that can make the instrument talk like you can? Plus you’re my best barman. So stop that stupid talk and when Adam’s well enough to be left, you can get your scrawny badass back to work.” Craig smiled.

“What…what are you saying?”

“I’m saying, I’m not allowing you to quit. I’m not firing you, your job is here when you’re ready to come back.”

“Are…are you sure. What will the others say?”

“If they don’t like it then they can leave, I’m sure there are plenty of musicians out there looking for jobs.”

“Thank you Craig. I really thought you were going to fire me. That’s why I offered to quit.”

Craig moved from behind the bar. “You are a brilliant musician but more than that you are a kind, understanding person and I can see why Adam loves you as much as he does. Hell if I was gay or Bi I’d be honoured to call you my boyfriend.” Craig pulled Tommy into a hug, the blond openly crying now.

Neither man heard Ashley and Isaac enter the club. “Oh shit, has something happened? Is…has Adam…?”

Pulling apart, Tommy looked at his friends. “No, Adam’s going to be ok. He’s…did Mike tell you too?”

Ashley went to hug him. “Yeah he told us. Oh TJ I’m sorry about everything that happened. Why didn’t you tell us?”

“I…I was scared, I just wanted to keep Adam safe.”

“Oh sweetie, we’d have helped.”

“Does that mean you still want to play with me?”

“Of course we do, why, you’re not quitting…are you? Or has Craig fired you?”

“No I haven’t fired him and I’m not accepting his resignation either.”

“Good.” Isaac slapped Tommy’s back.

“I’ve told him to take some time off, until Adam’s ok. That means we’ll have to find a temporary guitarist.”

“S’ok, I know one.” Ashley smiled.

“Thanks guys, I don’t deserve you lot as friends.”

“Hey, that’s what we’re here for. We look after each other.” Ashley kissed his cheek.

“I just want to apologise for what my mom said.”

“All forgiven. How are you all?”

“If you mean am I talking to my mom, then yeah I am. She apologized to Adam and me at the hospital. We’re taking each day at a time, but I think we’re gonna be ok.”

“Thank goodness for that, I hate to see families argue.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean Craig, it’s gonna take time but we’ll get there.”

“When does Adam go home?”

“Tomorrow, so I’m looking forward to that.”

“If there’s anything we can do let us know!”

“Thanks Isaac, I will. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m gonna go to the hospital and see him.”

“Well give him our love and tell him we think he’s an awesome singer and a cute guy!” Ashley giggled.

“Yeah he is cute and I’ll tell him you like his singing.” Tommy hugged each of them in turn then left a much more relaxed man than he’d been when he arrived. He couldn’t wait to tell his gorgeous boyfriend that everyone was looking out for them and…and he still had a job.”

^V^

When Tommy walked into Adam’s room he wasn’t there. The bed was tidy, all the monitors had gone from the side of the bed. Tommy could feel his heart beating faster, had something happened to Adam and no-one had contacted him. He dug his phone out of his pocket, no, no missed calls, no text messages. He gripped the door frame trying to get his breathing back to normal. There had to be an explanation, he needed to find a nurse anyone who could tell him what the hell was going on.  
Turning to go out to the nurses station he ran into an orderly pushing a wheelchair.

“Hey baby, you ok?” Adam was in the chair.

Tommy bent down and hugged him, tears escaping his eyes for the umpteenth time that day. “Adam, I…I thought…” He hugged him tight.

“Hey Tommy, come on, what’s wrong? Hey what’s with the tears?” Adam tried to prise Tommy from around his neck but the blond was like a limpet, holding on tightly. Adam looked up at the young orderly, smiled and nodded that he’d be ok.

“Ring if you need anything Adam.”

“I will thank you.” Adam smiled as the young man left. “Come on Tommy Joe, talk to me, what’s happened. You’re getting me all wet and not in a good way either.” Adam tried to lighten the mood with his double entendre, but Tommy wasn’t having any of it. Adam could feel his hospital gown getting wetter. He was worried now, what had happened to Tommy to cause him to be this upset.

Adam tried again to prize the blonds arms from around his neck. “Come on baby, you have to let go, I need to get out of this uncomfortable chair. Let’s go sit on the bed and you can tell me what’s happened.”

Tommy slowly stood up, his eyes red from crying. He wiped his face with the heel of his hand pressing into his eyes trying to stop the tears escaping. He watched through misty eyes as Adam got out of the wheelchair.

“Come there Tommy.” He patted the bed to his right. “Tell me what or who’s upset you.”

Tommy went to sit down, resting his head on Adam’s shoulder he sniffed. “I…I thought…oh Adam I thought something bad had happened to you and no-one had told me.”

“What do you mean baby?”

“When…when I came in here your bed was empty, the sheets were tidy, all the monitors and machines had gone from the side of your bed and I…I thought…”

“Oh Tommy, if something had happened you’d have been the first to know. I’d only gone for some air. They have a garden at the back and I’d been stuck in here, I asked if I could go outside. The orderly took me, I’d only been gone half an hour, they must have been in and tidied up whilst I was out. I’m fine baby, stop worrying.”

“M’sorry, but I thought…the doctor said yesterday that you could have a relapse that’s why we have to keep an eye on you.”

“Tommy Joe, look at me.” Tommy looked into Adam’s beautiful eyes. “The doctor came to see me this lunchtime and checked me over again. He said I’m good to go home tomorrow. I will have to take things easy but I’m gonna be ok. No side effects.”

“Oh Adam, that’s great. I’m sorry for being stupid.”

“Not stupid, just my beautiful Tommy Joe.”

“Hold me Adam…please.”

Adam wound his arms around him and held on tight. “Hey why don’t we lie down and cuddle for a bit, I’ve missed that.”

“But what will the nurses say?”

“Don’t care, I want to cuddle my boyfriend.”

Tommy got off the bed, closed the door, kicked off his creepers then got back on the bed. The dark haired man pulled him closer and watched him.

“That ok?”

“Mmm comfy.”

“I missed this last night. I’m sorry I put you through this.”

“I missed you too, s’ok, you’re here and I love you.” Tommy yawned.

“I love you too baby.” Adam looked down again and smiled. Tommy was asleep. “Oh Tommy I’m so very sorry, I promise I won’t put you through anything like this again.” Adam heard the door open, a nurse peeking into the room.

“Mr Lam…”

“Ssh he’s asleep.” Adam whispered. “Please let him sleep, if I know him he didn’t sleep last night…insomnia.”

“Ok but he will have to go home soon, hospital regulations.”

“Pht to your regulations, I want him here.”

“But Mr L…”

“Ssh I don’t want him waking up. If you have a problem with it, get me the Administrator of the hospital and I’ll talk to them.”

The nurse looked embarrassed. “Um, no sir that won’t be necessary, I’ll um leave you alone.”

“Thank you.” Adam watched as the nurse quietly closed the door. _Wow Lambert, where did that authoritative tone come from, you wouldn’t have said that a couple of months ago_. He looked down at Tommy, “no, it’s you my darling who has given me my confidence back.” He kissed the top of Tommy’s head then closed his own eyes. It wasn’t long before he too was asleep.

Adam could hear music playing, he couldn’t understand where it was coming from, then it stopped and Tommy’s voice took over.

“Hi Leila, um am at the hospital. No sorry don’t know what time it is. M’whispering ‘cause Adam’s asleep. Yeah I’ll message you when I’m back in the car. No not a problem…yeah see you soon.” He disconnected the call then looked up straight into the smiling blue eyes of his lover.

“Hey, thought you were asleep.”

“Was. Thought _you_ were asleep.”

“Appears I was too, my phone woke me. Seems we’ve been asleep for a couple of hours. M’sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry for. It felt good holding you again, whilst we slept. Although I did tell a nurse off for asking me to get you to leave. Told her I would speak to the hospital Administrator and then she left us alone.” Tommy giggled. “I love hearing you laugh. So, who was on the phone?”

“Leila, she wanted to know if everything was ok. I have her car, I went to see Craig then came here. She wanted to know how long I’ll be as she’s cooking me dinner tonight.”

“That’s great, at least you’ll be having something to eat. Are you going back home afterwards?”

“Um…no, staying at Leila’s in your room.” Tommy blushed.

“Good I don’t want you to be on your own and it’s nice to think you’ll be close to me, even if it is just in my old room.” He kissed Tommy “so…what did Craig say?”

Tommy looked at his finger nails and began digging at the chipped varnish.

“Tommy, what did you do?”

“I told him…um, well…”

“Tommy!”

“I told him I’d quit if he wasn’t ok with everything that happened on Wednesday night.”

“Tommy I told you not to quit. What did he say?”

“He wouldn’t accept it and said he understood why we did what we did and that I could have as much time off as I needed and only go back when you were ok. He wasn’t angry, well not really He was more upset that I didn’t speak to him about everything.”

“Oh Tommy, I’m sorry.”

“Hey, not your fault, so don’t go there again. Everything is ok even Ash and Isaac are ok, so I still have my job whenever I’m ready to go back.”

“That’s fantastic.”

“But do you really want me to go back, what about…”

“Tommy baby, I want nothing more than to hear you play again, I want you to play for me at home, I may even sing whilst you play.”

“You really want to do that?”

“Yes baby I do. I feel closer to you when I sing with you, plus I feel close to Alex too. I’m sorry if that upsets you, I…”

“No Adam, I’m not upset you still feel that way about Alex. He was a huge part of your life for a very long time. So if that’s a way of you remembering him then that’s fine by me.”

“Tommy Joe Ratliff, I love you so very much.”

“And I love you too.” Tommy sat up so he could reach Adam’s lips better to kiss him.

Neither heard the door open, “oh I’m sorry.”

The men pulled apart smiling. “Not a problem nurse, what can we do for you?”

“I’m afraid it’s getting late and I’m going to have to ask your gorgeous boyfriend to leave. We have a couple more tests to do before you leave tomorrow and…”

“And I really do need to go home and eat.”

“I’ll um, let you say goodbye then.” The nurse was blushing as she left the room.

“We’ve embarrassed her.”

“Mmm, only because she can see how much in love we are.”

“But still Adam, like she says I really should go.”

“Ok baby, I’ll see you in the morning. The doc says I can probably go home around 11.30”

“K, I’ll come pick you up. Goodnight my love, see you in the morning.” He kissed Adam, never wanting it to end.

“I love you too, see you in the morning.”

Tommy backed out of the room blowing his man a kiss as he disappeared. As he passed the nurses station he winked at the nurse who’d just been in Adam’s room causing her to blush again and her colleagues questioning her about what happened. He was grinning when he got in the car. Messaging Leila saying he would see her in 20 minutes.

^V^

Tommy and Leila had a relaxed evening talking about Tommy’s life, how he had wanted to come out to his parents for a long time, but because of his mothers’ dealings with the church he’d been afraid to. Leila had told him about Adam’s childhood and how she and his father had guessed he was gay long before he came out to them. Tommy told her that he would have loved to have grown up in a _laid back_ home such as Adam’s.

They talked about Alex and all the problems he’d had growing up and what led to his suicide. Tommy explained that he’d told Adam if ever he wanted to talk about Alex he was to go ahead. Leila had hugged him for that. She had never met anyone as understanding as Tommy, and told him that if ever it got too much for him he was to tell her and she’d have words with her son. Tommy hadn’t felt so relaxed for such a long time and he could feel himself falling asleep.

“I’m so sorry Leila, but I’m going to have to bid you a goodnight.”

“Not a problem sweetheart. You’ve had a tough couple of days. I’m surprised you’re still on your feet.”

“Not sure if Adam’s said anything, but I suffer from insomnia.”

“Oh you poor thing, no he didn’t.”

“But since I’ve been with Adam I’ve slept better.” Leila smiled. “I had trouble last night, but when you rang me at the hospital I’d fallen asleep on the bed with Adam.” He laughed.

“Oh! I bet the nurses loved that.”

“Apparently Adam was quite authoritative and he basically said if they didn’t like it then tough.”

“Wow, you have had a positive effect on my son. A couple of months ago he wouldn’t have done that. When Alex died he became so introverted, I’ll tell you something but please don’t say anything to Adam.”

“Of course I won’t.”

“He scared Eber and I, we thought about getting professional help for him, but then you came along. Thank you Tommy for giving us our son back.”

Tommy smiled and yawned. “M’sorry. As for giving you Adam back, he’s also helped me cope with losing my dad.”

Leila moved across to the sofa to hug the blond. “He is going to be ok Tommy, and so are you. Now off you go, get some sleep then we can go collect our man in the morning.”

“I can’t wait to get him home. He’s even told me he wants me to carry on playing for him at home.”

“That’s fantastic.” She saw him try to stifle another yawn. “Go Tommy, otherwise you’ll not be fit to pick him up.”

“K, goodnight Leila and thank you for everything.”

“My pleasure, goodnight.” She watched him head to Adam’s room, hoping that nothing else could go wrong for the two beautiful men.

Leila’s alarm startled her awake, reaching across to the night stand to switch it off, she heard noises downstairs and the smell of freshly brewed coffee wafted its way upstairs. She smiled picturing Tommy skitting around the kitchen like a cat on a hot tin roof. He reminded her of a young child eager to play with a new toy.

There was a soft knock at her door.

“Come in.” pulling her duvet around her, she didn’t want to embarrass Tommy, she waited for him to come in.

Peering his head around the door, “morning, m’sorry if I woke you.”

“You didn’t, and good morning to you too.”

“I’ve…um…brought you a coffee.”

“Oh my, thank you. I’ve not had coffee in bed for a long time.”

“Oh…”

“No, it’s a welcome sight, thank you.”

“Wasn’t sure how you took it so brought cream and sugar too.” Tommy put the tray on the night stand.

“That’s perfect.” She sat up a bit, “what time did you wake?”

“Oh about 6, couldn’t get back to sleep so got up, went for a shower, listened to some music, contemplated going for a walk but decided against it so just sat and watched some TV.”

“Oh Tommy, you should try to get more rest.”

“Can’t, this is probably going to sound crazy, but I’m excited for Adam coming home.”

“No sweetie, it’s not crazy. I can see how much he means to you.”

“Craig’s given me as much time as I want. I thought he’d be mad, but he was fantastic.”

“You…and Adam have some amazing people in your lives, you are so lucky.”

“Even my mom is slowly understanding.”

“Yeah, she is. Just give her time and a chance to be in your lives.”

“I will, but this is me, I’m not about to change for anyone.”

“And we wouldn’t want you to.”

“K, I’ll leave you with your coffee and I’ll see you downstairs.”

“Thank you, what time do you want to go pick Adam up?”

“Doctors have said any time after 11.30.”

“We have…” she looked at her clock, “…another 3 hours. You should try to rest.”

“I’ll be ok, too wound up to rest. “ He headed for the door. “Thank you for everything Leila, I wouldn’t have been able to do this without you.” He closed the door.

Leila smiled, she had never witnessed anyone as in love as Tommy was with Adam. She thought her love for Eber was strong in the beginning, but this, it warmed her heart.

She found Tommy pacing up and down. “Hey you’ll wear yourself out. We still have 2 hours before we can go.”

“I know, I’m sorry, I’m just…”

“Look, why don’t you take my car, go get Adam some clothes to wear, by the time you get back it’ll be time to go.”

“Good idea, thank you.” He took the keys from her then headed out.

As he was driving to their apartment he had an idea. Making a slight detour he stopped at a row of shops. Smiling at his purchase he headed home. He wanted to make everything special for Adam when he finally got home.

It had only been 3 days since Tommy had been in the apartment but it seemed like forever. He wandered around the apartment smiling at the images that sprang to mind of Adam making love to him on the sofa and then as he headed to their bedroom he blushed at the image that appeared of him making sweet love to Adam. Adam had confessed he hadn’t let many make love to him and Tommy felt so special.

Depositing his purchase in just the right place he raided the drawers and wardrobe for some clothes. He found a Queen t-shirt and some jeans, then folding them neatly, he knew how meticulous Adam was, he put them into a bag along with toothbrush, toothpaste and hairbrush. Looking around the apartment once more he locked up and headed back to Leila’s.

By the time he got there she was ready and waiting. “Is everything ok?” she had her coat on waiting.

“Yeah, everything is good. The nurse has just rung to let us know we can go get Adam when we’re ready.”

“But what about…I thought the doc…”

“Doctor’s seen him, said he can go as soon as we can get there.”

“What are we waiting for?” Tommy hugged her, “I can’t wait to get him home.”

“Want me to drive?”

“Yeah if you don’t mind, I’m not sure my nerves would take it and I don’t want to damage your car.” He handed the keys over.

She laughed. “Come on then, let’s go pick your boyfriend up.”

“And your son.” Tommy hugged her.

As they drove Leila noticed Tommy beating out a rhythm on his knees, he was like a puppy going for its first walk in the park. She smiled. “Put some music on if you want.”

“Mmm, sorry was just thinking.”

“Oh anything you want to share?”

“Just something Adam said yesterday.”

“Oh?”

“He admitted to me that before my mom spoilt everything, he was enjoying being up on the stage with me.”

“Sutan and I could tell he was having fun. It’s like the time had been turned back.”

“Do you think he’ll sing again or do you think my mom spoilt it for him?”

“Honestly Tommy…I don’t know. Let him talk about it if he wants but don’t force him to talk.”

“I have no intentions of forcing the subject, I don’t want to remind him and have him do anything else stupid.”

“You’re one in a million Tommy Joe Ratliff and your mom should be so proud of you.”

“Mmm, maybe one day in years to come, but I think it’s going to take a long time.”

“All you can do is talk to her. Both of you.”

“Yeah, you’re right. But enough of my mom, I’m going to concentrate on Adam for the next week or so. He’s what’s important to me and I’m going to show him how much.”

It seemed to take forever until they were pulling into the parking lot of the hospital. Tommy didn’t get out straight away, it wasn’t until Leila opened the passenger door that he moved.

“Are you ok Tommy?”

“Yeah…no…don’t know.”

“Hey everything’s going to be ok.”

“I…I…fuck, m’sorry, am I good enough for him?”

“Whoa, where’d that come from?”

“Well I’m only a night club guitarist and he’s…well he’s this amazing singer.”

Leila turned Tommy to face her, taking hold of his shoulders, “Thomas Joseph Ratliff,” she saw him smile, “you are not _just_ a night club guitarist and don’t let anyone ever tell you different. You have got my son singing again, he loves you with all his heart and you make him happy. So yes you are good enough for him. Now come on, let’s go get him and take him home.”

Walking into the hospital he put his arm around her waist, holding on tight.

They walked into Adam’s room to see him surrounded by half a dozen nurses. He was laughing and Tommy thought it was the most beautiful sound he’d ever heard, besides the noises Adam made when they were having hot sex. He blushed at the thought and had to take deep breaths to make sure his dick didn’t join in the party.

“Everything ok Tommy?” Leila had seen the colour in his cheeks.

“What?...um…yeah, it’s just a bit warm in here.”

She laughed softly, he knew she wouldn’t believe that, but he couldn’t tell her he was feeling horny.

Adam saw them, “Hey baby, come and meet my fans.”

Both Leila and Tommy raised their eyebrows at that comment. He’d not made any reference to his singing in that way before.

“Your fans?”

“Yeah mom, these lovely ladies recognized me when I was brought in but didn’t want to bother me. I found out and told them to come talk to me.”

“We’re sorry.” One pretty blond nurse said. “We weren’t going to say anything to anyone.”

“Whatever my son is ok with then it’s ok with me.”

Tommy remained near the door.

“Tommy Joe, come here.” Adam held his arms out.

Tommy reluctantly went over to him. Folding the blond into his arms, “ladies, this is my beautiful Tommy Joe. He’s my savior and I love him so very much.” Tommy blushed and smiled. He said hi to each one as they introduced themselves.

“Thank you for signing these Adam, we’ll leave you with your family. Take care of yourself and you have no need to worry, none of us will say anything to anyone about you being here. That’s your business and no-one else’s.”

“Thank you ladies, I appreciate that.” He kissed each one in turn, smiling as the last one left closing the door behind her.

“Wow Adam, that’s a turn up for the books.”

“I know mom. I did some thinking last night and I’m fed up with hiding, it’s time I started living again.” He felt Tommy tense. “Hey what’s wrong baby?”

“Nothing, m’ok.”

Leila saw something flash across his eyes, she thought back to the conversation they’d had outside. “I’ll leave you boys to talk, I’ll just go make sure all your discharge papers are in order.”

“Not subtle mom, but thanks.” Adam waited until his mother had closed the door. “Tommy baby, talk to me, there _is_ something bothering you and I need to know, I want to help you sort it out.”

Tommy sighed. “You said…shit…do you still want me if you’re…”

“Hey, where did that come from, of course I still want you.”

“But you’re going to _start living_ again, what does…what does that mean?”

“It means when _we_ go out together I’m not going to hide underneath hats or layers of clothes. I’m going to take each day as a new start. A new start with my boyfriend, the man I love so very much. So where in all of that does it say I don’t want you there?” He put his finger underneath Tommy’s chin and lifted his head to look into his eyes. “Where Tommy?”

“But I’m only a club guitarist.”

“No Tommy, you’re a beautiful person inside and out who has the biggest heart of anyone I know. You care about me in ways that I’d never imagined I would find again. Plus you’re a badass guitarist…my badass guitarist. And I love you more every day.”

“I love you so very much Adam, it hurts when I can’t hold you. I’ve been so lonely this last couple of days.”

“Then let’s get out of here and we can show each other how much we’ve missed those special touches.” He kissed the blond gently, Tommy moaning into the kiss, opening up allowing Adam’s tongue to map the contours of his mouth. They were so lost in themselves they didn’t hear Leila come back in.

“Erm sorry boys but you’ll have to carry on with that at home, we need to get you out of here.”

Breaking apart they rested their foreheads against each other.

“Mom, you’re a spoilsport but ok, let me get dressed then I’m ready.”

Tommy and Leila waited outside for Adam to change. Then when he was ready to go the orderly made him get in a wheelchair. Adam complained but the orderly said it was hospital policy. Tommy and Leila laughed at the profanities Adam was muttering, but once in the car he smiled. He got to hug Tommy all the way back to their apartment.

^V^

As Leila pulled up outside the apartment block Tommy noticed two figures waiting at the door, waving and grinning like crazy.

“We have visitors”

“Yeah I can see. They look like little kids being told they can have an ice-cream. Any more waving and their arms will drop off.”

“They’ve become good friends these last few days.”

“I’m pleased that your friend and my friend can do that.”

“Adam, how can anyone not love Sutan?”

“He’s the only one who’s stuck by me through everything.”

“He was devastated when he knew what you’d done, I’d asked him to look after you, and he feels really bad that he fell asleep and…well…”

“It’s not his fault, I was in a very dark place. I’ll talk to him.”

“You need to take things easy Adam, you heard what the doctor said.”

“Tommy I’m fine, I have you with me, that’s all the medicine I need.”

“Ok boys, let’s go calm those bouncing children down. How did they know anyway?”

“Um sorry Leila, my fault. I messaged them when I came home this morning. Told them what time we were picking Adam up.”

“Well let’s make sure they don’t tire you out.”

“Mom, I’m fine. I don’t need wrapping in cotton wool I know what I did was stupid, I’m not going to do it again. Besides Tommy’ll make sure I’m behaving.” Adam raised an eyebrow and grinned at the blond.

Tommy felt the blood head south _Nooo that can’t happen now, not whilst we have visitors_.

From the look on his boyfriends face Adam knew what was happening, leaning closer to whisper “mmm keep those thoughts alive baby and we’ll sort things out when our visitors have gone.” Making sure his mom wasn’t looking he ghosted a hand over the growing bulge in Tommy’s jeans. Tommy moaned and closed his eyes.

Checking that Leila was getting out he whispered “Fucker, how am I going to explain that to Sutan, Mike and your mom?”

“Just tell them to hurry up and go home because I want to fuck you in every room in the apartment.”

“Nnngh fuck Adam!” Tommy could feel himself getting harder.

“Mmm yes please baby.” Adam smiled, kissed Tommy’s cheek, pressed his hand over the now prominent bulge then got out of the car.

Tommy couldn’t get out not with the boner he was sporting, it would greet everyone it met.

“Hey TJ you staying in there all day?” Mike shouted.

“M’just coming.”

“Ew Ratliff, don’t want details of your sex life thank you very much!”

“Mike, m’not…fuck!” Tommy got out.

“Thought you said…”

“Nash shut the fuck up! Sorry Leila.” Tommy blushed as Mike pointed to the bulge in his jeans.

“Hey leave my lover alone.” Adam wrapped his arms around Tommy from behind, was about to move his hands down when his mother stopped him.

“Adam Mitchel Lambert, stop embarrassing your boyfriend, get yourselves inside and leave your love life out of the conversation…for now!” She tried to keep a straight face but she was finding it very difficult.

Adam kissed Tommy’s neck then let everyone into his apartment.

Tommy saw Leila heading to the bedroom with the bag. Tommy didn’t want her seeing his surprise for Adam. “I’ll take that, you go sit and talk to everyone.”

“Thank you.” She handed it over without any other comment.

Tommy hadn’t realized but he’d been holding his breath.

“Want me to make coffee?”

“No Adam, we’re not staying, just wanted to wish you a welcome home.”

“Thank you Mike. I’m sorry.”

“Hey, no need to apologise. You’re ok, you’re back home where you belong with the man you love.”

Tommy heard Mike and smiled. Mike had a soft side which he didn’t show to many people. He really did like Adam. Tommy loved his friends.

“I agree with Mike, vayvee. I’m sure you and Tommy have a lot of catching up to do.” Sutan raised his eyebrows and smiled.

Both Adam and Tommy blushed, whilst their visitors laughed.

“Ok boys enough. You’ve had your fun embarrassing them, let’s leave them alone, they have a lot of catching up to do.”

“Thanks mom.”

“Yeah, thanks Leila. Oh Mike…”

“Yeah TJ?”

“Told Craig everything, and he’s good with it.”

“Told you he would be.”

“He’s given me as much time off as I need. Ash’s friend is gonna play guitar till I get back.”

“And if I have my way he’ll be back before you know it.” Adam squeezed his hand.

“Great, take care of yourselves and we’ll see you soon.”

“We will…and guys…”

“Yes vayvee?”

“Thank you for everything.”

They all hugged Adam then Tommy and as they were leaving Leila turned to them.

“Don’t ever give up on your dreams.” She smiled and closed the door, leaving the two men alone at last.

^V^

“Do you want anything to eat?”

“I’m ok for now.”

“Do you want a coffee of something…”

“Tommy ssshh, come here.”

“But you should rest.”

“Tommy Joe, I don’t need to rest, I’ve been doing that in the hospital. What I need is for you to come here and hold me, kiss me, anything, just…” he held out his arms.

Tommy allowed Adam to fold him into an embrace. It felt so good having the taller man hold him, he’d missed that these last couple of days. Tommy relaxed and returned the hug, he sniffed.

“Hey, what’s wrong baby? What have I done?”

“N…nothing, I’m just so pleased you’re ok, and you’re home, and you still want me.”

“Oh Tommy, of course I want you, you’ve shown me there are good people in the world and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere but home with you. Now, how about we go into that room over there and I’ll show you how much I love you.” Adam slid his hand into Tommy’s and led him to their bedroom.

Adam stopped just inside the door.

“What’s wrong Adam?”

“Oh Tommy it’s beautiful, thank you.” Adam had seen the rose Tommy had left on the pillow.

“I…I just wanted to show you how much I love you.”

“You show me that every day, but that is such a beautiful thing to do thank you.” He kissed him, then began to remove his clothes.

Tommy’s breath hitched as Adam started with his own t-shirt, he was about to undo his jeans when Tommy stopped him. “No, let me” Tommy kissed Adam’s chest then trailed kisses down to the waistband of the jeans. Kneeling down he kissed the growing bulge through the rough fabric causing a moan to escape his lovers’ mouth. Looking up their eyes met, Tommy felt a gentle hand on his cheek. Leaning into it he smiled, this was where he was meant to be. Opening the button then slowly sliding the zipper down he exposed Adam’s beautiful length. Tommy giggled.

“What’s...nngh wrong Tommy?”

“M’sorry, when I grabbed your clothes I forgot underwear, but so pleased I did because you are beautiful and shouldn’t be confined behind material.”

“Nngh Tommy, you feel so gorgeous on my skin.”

“Not finished with you yet.” Tommy felt for the waistband and as he pushed the jeans down he licked a stripe up Adam’s dick, smiling at the noises that were escaping his lovers’ mouth.

Adam kicked off his shoes then stepped out of the jeans. Tommy still on his knees watched a beautiful man who he was so very much in love with.

“Tommy, you have too many clothes on, come here.” Adam held his hand out for him to take. Helping him up he kissed him and pulled him close, feeling Tommy’s dick hardening wanting in on the game.

Unbuttoning the shirt Adam pushed it from the blonds shoulders exposing the tattooed arms as he went. Bending down he licked the outline of the rose on the Depeche Mode tattoo, smiling when Tommy giggled.

“T…tickles.”

“Sorry baby. I love that sound. I love your giggle.”

“Mmm.”

Adam hummed as he kissed his way down Tommy’s stomach only stopping as he reached the waistband of the pants.

Looking up, “never seen you in these before baby.”

“Long story, but they’re…um they’re Neil’s.”

“Why are you…?”

“Later Adam, need your mouth on me.”

Adam didn’t need asking twice, he popped the button and pushed the zipper down. Kissing him through his boxers as he pushed the pants right down, he sucked on Tommy’s length wetting the fabric adding to the pre come leaking from the blonds shaft.

Tommy had to steady himself on Adam’s shoulders. This felt so good.

Helping his lover out of the pants, Adam pushed them aside. Reaching up for the waistband of the confining boxers it didn’t take him long to rid Tommy of those too.

Standing, Adam smiled. “You are so beautiful Tommy, I love you so very much.”

“Show me Adam.”

Adam led him to their bed, gently helping him get comfortable, reaching into the night stand to retrieve lube and condom. Applying lube to his fingers he then settled himself between the blonds legs. Leaning down to kiss him as his fingers found the entrance he couldn’t wait to get in.

Tommy’s breath hitched.

“You ok baby?”

“Mmm, just cold.”

“Sorry.”

“Nnngh feels good.”

Adam kissed his way down to a nipple and as he nipped, licked and sucked on it he gently pushed his finger into his man. Tommy’s hips left the bed then Adam felt them push down onto his finger.

Pulling it out he ghosted over Tommy’s magic spot causing a moan to leave the blonds lips. As he pushed back in he added another finger.

“Nnngh…want…more…not gonna break.”

“Ssh soon baby.” Adam leant back down kissing and nipping the other nipple. He loved the sounds escaping his lovers mouth, his own dick throbbing, wanting to be inside Tommy.

As he pulled out this time he deliberately hit Tommy’s prostate.

“F.U.C.K! gonna come before you’re in me if you keep doing that.”

“No you’re not baby, not gonna let you.” Adam smiled down at him.

Adding a third finger he could feel that Tommy was stretched ready for him. Removing his fingers he sat back just looking at the beautiful man waiting for him. Rolling the condom on his hot hard length he used the lube from his fingers to slick it up.

Leaning down he kissed Tommy as he lined his dick up with the blonds hole.

Slowly pushing in, pausing at intervals the two men kissed and moaned until Adam was fully seated. He paused looking down at his boyfriend marveling at how amazing he looked just lying beneath him.

“Nngh…you just…fuck…just gonna stay there or are you gonna…nngh move?”

“Just admiring the view.” Adam kissed him again then began moving. Slowly to begin with then as their passions rose Adam got faster.

Tommy went to grab his own dick but Adam batted his hand away.

“Oh…no baby…you’re gonna come just…nngh, fuck, just on my dick!”

“Nnngh!” Tommy couldn’t say anything which made sense he was high on Adam’s love.

Adam sped up pushing into Tommy like they hadn’t made love for months. The blond was better than any drug, he made him feel so good.

“Not…gonna last baby. Want you to come first.”

“Mmm…n…nearly…shit…nearly…aaarrgh!” Tommy came with a force he didn’t think was possible, he didn’t know if he passed out but wow it felt so good.

Adam felt Tommy clench around his dick, that was it, that pushed him over the edge. He came, shooting his seed into the condom. Oh to be able to make love without it. He really wanted to be able to feel all of Tommy.

Slowing down, their breaths evening out, Adam just stared down at his lover.

“Mmmm…what?” Tommy was so happy and relaxed he hoped it was nothing serious.

“Been thinking.”

“Oh…did it hurt?” Tommy giggled.

“Fucker.”

“No you’ve just fucked me, remember?”

“Oh and it was so good too.”

“So…what are you thinking?”

“I…I’d…no doesn’t matter.”

“Yes Adam, it does matter. I want to know.”

“Please don’t be mad with me.”

“How can I be mad with you when I have your beautiful dick in my ass.”

“Want me to…” Adam went to pull out.

“Don’t you dare Lambert, it feels good.”

“Ok, I was thinking…how would you feel if I asked…” he paused.

“Just ask me.”

“K, I would love to make love to you without a condom.” He looked at Tommy not able to read the look on his face. “M’sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.” He gently pulled out, removing the condom then disposing it in the trash can. He went to get off the bed but a hand around his wrist stopped him.

“Hey, where are you going?”

“Get a cloth, clean you up. M’sorry.”

“Wait Adam, please.” Tommy held on. “Look at me…please.”

Adam sat back down, then turned to see Tommy smiling. “What?”

“Do you really want to do that?” Adam nodded slightly. “Talk to me…is that what you’d like to do?”

“Yes Tommy, I want to be able to feel every part of you. But if…”

“I didn’t say that.”

“So…what are you saying?”

“I’m saying I want it too.” He smiled wider, lifted Adam’s hand then kissed it.

“You…you mean that?”

“Yes Adam I mean it. Look, I’ve not been with anyone for a long time.”

“I’ve not been with anyone since Alex.”

“So how about just to be on the safe side we go get checked out.”

“Oh my, you’d do that for me?”

“I’ll do anything for you if it means I can have you all without anything between us.”

“I love you Tommy Joe Ratliff.”

“And I love you too Adam Mitchel Lambert.”

“Now how about we shower then rest after that exercise.”

“Mmm how about you go get that cloth, clean us up the best we can, then we rest, then we shower and see what comes up whilst we’re in the shower.”

“Oh…oohh! I like that idea better.” Adam padded to the bathroom, returned with a warm damp cloth. After cleaning both of them, he threw it in the general direction of the bathroom and settled down to rest with his amazing lover.

^V^

It was dark when they woke, smiling at the images that jumped into his mind, Tommy leant over and kissed his man.

“Hey gorgeous.”

“Mmm hello baby.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Mmm like I’ve just had the most gorgeous sleep after making love to my boyfriend.” He pulled Tommy close and kissed him again.

“How about we go for that shower and then go out to dinner?”

“Are you sure you want to go out?”

“Tommy if I don’t start now I’m not going to do it and I want to show you I can be a normal person, boyfriend or whatever.”

“Hey you don’t have to prove anything to me. I love you just the way you are, so please don’t ever change.” He leant down kissing him again, nipping Adam’s bottom lip.

“Nngh keep doing that and I’ll take you right here.”

“How about we go shower and see what comes up in there.”

“Tommy you have the best ideas.” Adam stopped.

“What’s wrong?”

“Did you…did you mean what you said earlier?”

“I said a lot of things, remind me which one.”

“That you…we could go get checked out. I really want to make love to you without…”

“I meant it. I want nothing more than to feel you inside me instead of having latex between us.”

“Thank you baby.”

“It will be _our_ pleasure.” Tommy smiled and raised his eyebrows.

Adam grinned, got out of bed and pulled Tommy into the shower.

Standing under the hot spray, Adam washed Tommy’s hair, then made his way down the blonds body washing every part of him causing delicious moans to escape his lips.

Tommy then returned the favour dropping to his knees kissing Adams length as he washed his legs.

“Nngh Tommy, you’re killing me, stop with the…fuck!” Tommy had taken Adam into his mouth sucking and licking his way up and down the length.

“Tommy…I…nngh gonna…” without any more warning Adam came, Tommy swallowing nearly everything he gave him.

When Tommy stood he went to wipe the side of his mouth but Adam stopped him. Pulling him close he kissed him, licked it away then licked his way into Tommy’s mouth tasting himself on the blonds tongue.

Pulling away he looked down, the blond was hard and leaking so without any conversation Adam dropped to his knees bringing his lover to a climax unintelligible words leaving the blond.

Both struggling to stand they leant against each other allowing the hot spray to beat against their skin.

“Wow!”

“Mmm wow! Good job you don’t sing, after taking all of me, I’m surprised you have a voice at all.”

“Good job I only play guitar then.” He kissed Adam then climbed out of the shower. Wrapping a towel around his waist he blew a kiss then disappeared into the bedroom. He didn’t have to wait long he heard his lover following him.

“Why did you disappear?”

“My stomach’s telling me it’s hungry and if I’d stayed in there I’d have just had to have you again.”

“Oh…m’sorry.”

“Hey, not complaining, want you so much but not really eaten much, even though your mom fed me, I kinda just picked at it. I didn’t feel like eating, not without you there.”

“Ok, where would you like to go?”

“How about _our_ restaurant, Lamills?”

Adam smiled. “Yeah, I like the sound of that.” He reached for his phone and minutes later they had a reservation for 8 at _their_ special place.

The manager welcomed them and led them to the same booth they’d occupied each time they’d visited Lamills.

Adam was recognized a couple of times, and instead of hiding away as he would have done, he smiled for photographs and even signed napkins for the ladies.

“I’m so proud of you Adam.”

“I have you to thank. You’ve made me whole again.” He reached over and held on to Tommy’s hand.

On the drive home Adam knew what he wanted to do. He knew how he could prove his love for his gorgeous man, but he’d need his mothers and Sutans and maybe even Mikes help with his plan.

Tommy caught him smiling, “what are you thinking? You have that look on your face.”

“What look? I’m just thinking how lucky I am to have you.”

“Well I’m not planning on going anywhere.”

Adam squeezed Tommy’s thigh as they continued their journey home in silence.

tbc


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has been with me on this journey with our gorgeous boys. I've enjoyed writing this and the comments from everyone have been amazing, thank you. A special thank you to zazajb who got me started in this writing thing, I'm addicted now :)
> 
> Enjoy this last chapter and I already have ideas bouncing around in my head for the next story.

The rest of the week saw them both making appointments to get tested, Tommy worrying more about it than he really should have done. Adam on several occasions caught him daydreaming and when he questioned him Tommy knew it was pointless trying to lie so just admitted his feelings.

“M’sorry Adam, what if…”

“Hey what’re you worrying about?”

“I know I said I hadn’t been with anyone, but what if…what if there’s something I don’t know about?”

“Everything is going to be alright. Answer me one question and I need you to be honest with me.”

“Ok, go on ask your question.”

“When was the last time, and I’m not talking about us, you made love to anyone?”

“Wow, erm, I’d never made love with a guy before I met you, maybe a hand job here and there but…” Tommy felt himself blushing.

“It’s ok baby, I’m not judging you. I just want to show you everything is going to be ok.”

“K, well erm the last time I was with a girl in a sexual way was my ex Liz and well we’d stopped having sex because I realized I didn’t love her. Um…it was about a month before we broke up and that was about 3 months before I met you.”

Adam smiled and pulled him close. “See, everything is going to be ok. When you had sex with Liz did you wear a condom?”

“Oh yeah! She would never even think about sex unless she knew I had a _supply_ of them.”

“There you go, and this Liz, did she, well was she seeing anyone else whilst…m’sorry I have to ask.”

Tommy laughed, “no, she wasn’t that kind and I still don’t think she’s found anyone. Besides I can’t think of anyone who’d have such a frigid person as she was. Everything had to be on her terms and sex was only on the cards when _she_ felt like it. It was never spontaneous and she would never give me a blow job, thought it was the most disgusting thing ever. Don’t really think she enjoyed sex full stop.” Tommy had never told anyone that before, one reason was Liz had always made him believe he was no good in bed.

“Aww my poor baby.”

“Mmm, she had me believing it was me and I was no good in bed.”

“Oh baby, you are amazing in bed and I love everything you do to me and can’t get enough of you.” He saw Tommy blush deeper, he pulled him close and kissed him.

“Promise me if I ever do anything wrong or you don’t like it you’ll tell me.”

“Tommy you have no reason to worry. You are amazing. Now will you stop worrying, we’re going to be ok.”

“Ok I promise I won’t worry.”

“Good, now will you do something for me?”

“If I can?”

“I’ve um been playing around with some music, would you…”

“Oh Adam that’s brilliant.”

“You haven’t seen what I’ve done, it may be rubbish.”

“It won’t be, gimme.” Tommy made grabby hands for the music.

Handing it over Adam smiled at the look of pure excitement on his boyfriends face.

Tommy picked up his guitar and began playing.

“Tommy could you um, possibly slow it down a bit.”

“K.” As he slowed down Adam began humming along.

Tommy stopped, “wow, that’s beautiful, when did you do that?”

“A few days ago, you’d gone to get your hair cut and I was bored. I started playing around. It’s been bouncing in my head for a while but wasn’t sure I’d still be able to do it.”

“I love it. Does it have any words, a name?”

“No, not yet, not sure if there will be any.”

“If you want me to record it for you to play around with let me know.”

“Thank you, I’ll see what happens. When are you going back to work?”

“Are you trying to get rid of me?”

“No, but you’ve been off over a week and I’m fine, I’m not going to do anything stupid not now.”

“Well how about we go finish emptying my apartment tomorrow and then I’ll go back to work on Tuesday. That’ll give me Monday to contact the Realtors to put my apartment on the market.”

Adam went to sit next to him on the floor pulling him close. “Sounds like a plan.” Adam was already thinking how he could put his plan into action.

The weekend flew by, Tommy thought he would feel sad about leaving his apartment, but all he felt was excitement. He was on a high, he was moving in permanently with his lover. He was closing one chapter in his life and beginning another. The Realtor told him that his apartment was in a well sought after location and he didn’t think it would be on the market too long.

They’d spent the remainder of the Monday afternoon sorting Tommy’s belongings out and finding homes for his bass and acoustic guitars. They were sitting cuddling when Adam asked him a strange question.

“Have you thought about contacting your mom?”

“No, not since we were at the hospital. I…I really don’t know what to say to her?”

“How about inviting your mom and Lisa over for dinner again?”

“Do you think that would be a good idea after last time?”

“Things have changed since then, I believe your mom is genuinely sorry for what she did and said.”

Tommy turned to look at his boyfriend, “I suppose. Ok, let’s ask them. When were you thinking?”

“mmm how about next Saturday. I could ask my mom too.”

Tommy smiled, “Yeah, ok and if Leila’s here it may be the calming effect my mom needs.”

“Great. Thank you baby.” Adam’s first part of his plan was in motion. “Would you do one more thing for me before you go back to work tomorrow?”

“If I can.”

“My music you played for me, would you…would you record it for me. Then when you’re at work I can play around with it.”

“Of course I’ll record it, I’d be honoured. How do you want me to do it?”

“I’ve got a friend, well Sutan has a friend who has a recording studio. He’s said we can go there tonight after everyone’s gone home.”

“Wow, I’ve always wanted to see the inside of a recording studio.”

“Great I’ll ring Sutan and arrange it. Oh would you mind just doing an acoustic recording.”

“Not a problem.” Tommy smiled, he hadn’t seen Adam this animated for a long time. He was just happy that he’d found something to get excited for.

A quick call to Sutan saw them on their way to the studio at 8pm that night.

Sutan met them at the door. “My gorgeous boys I’m so thrilled that you’re doing this.”

“Anything for my man.” Tommy squeezed Adam’s hand.

“Well I just want to thank you Tommy.”

“What for?”

“Whatever you’re doing to Adam, please don’t stop. This is the first music he’s written since…well since Alex.”

“Oh, I didn’t realise.”

“I just didn’t have the heart to do any before. But now…well I feel I want to start again.”

“And I’ll be right there with you whatever you decide to do with it.”

Adam pulled Tommy close. “I know you’ll be there, thank you.”

“Ok, enough, otherwise you’ll have this Queen bawling her eyes out if you don’t stop it.”

Tommy and Adam hugged Sutan then went inside. Sutan introduced Tommy to his friend Karl and as the blond disappeared into the booth Sutan took Adam through to the office.

“So have you told him yet?”

“No Sutan, and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t say anything.”

“Of course I won’t vayvee. Have you decided when?”

“Yeah, I’ve invited Tommy’s mom and sister and my mom to dinner on Saturday. I’m going to speak to them alone and ask that they all come to Bar 39 the following Wednesday. I’ve got to speak to Craig to see if he’s ok with everything so that’s my goal day.”

“Oh vayvee I’m so happy for you.”

“You’ll be there too, won’t you?”

“Of course, I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Adam hugged his friend. “Thank you for believing in me Sutan, I don’t know what I would have done…”

“Hey there were times when I needed your help, so I’m only repaying your generosity.”

“I’m going to get…”

“Get what?” Tommy had entered the room.

“Oh, um going to get…erm.”

“He’s going to get a kick up the ass if he doesn’t let me hear what you’ve been working on.”

Adam silently mouthed a _thank you_ to Sutan hoping Tommy believed them.

“Well we’ve recorded it and I think it sounds ok, was just coming to get you to listen to see what you thought.”

“Fantastic, let’s go.” Adam was practically bouncing as the three friends headed to the sound room.

Tommy held on to Adam’s hand as the music was played back. Tommy had added some basic bass guitar into it too. Adam said he wasn’t sure about the bass so Karl took it out.

“Oh my! That’s…” Adam had tears in his eyes.

“Hey are you ok?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. You make that guitar of yours talk. I love it, thank you.”

“Well you wrote the music, I’m just playing how it’s written.”

“Thank you so much.” Adam pulled him close and kissed him.

“Please…ladies present.” Sutan exclaimed in Raja’s voice. They all laughed.

“Thank you Karl for letting us use your studio.”

“My pleasure Adam, and may I say it’s nice to see you thinking about music again.”

“I have Tommy Joe to thank for that.” He kissed him again.

“Right, I need to go home and sleep, I’ve got work tomorrow and don’t want to be late on my first day back.”

“Come on then.” Adam took the recording from Karl, held on to Tommy’s hand and along with Sutan headed out.

“Let me know if you need anything vayvee.”

“I will Sutan and thank you.” He hugged his friend.

“Come on Tommy Joe, home to bed!”

“Mmm great idea.”

^V^

Tommy was up bright and early Tuesday morning. Adam thought there was something wrong as Tommy was not a morning person.

As the dark haired man sat up in bed his boyfriend virtually bounced through the door.

“Hey baby, what’s happened?”

“Nothing happened, I couldn’t sleep, I knew I needed to be up early to get to the Club so I got up, made coffee and thought I’d bring my gorgeous boyfriend breakfast in bed.”

Adam noticed he’d put a tray on the dressing table. “Aww baby, you didn’t have to do that.”

“I know I didn’t but I wanted to. Now sit back, relax and enjoy. I’ve got coffee, that cereal you like that reminds me of sawdust and fresh orange.”

“Wow, I could get used to this.”

“Um you needn’t bother it’s strictly a one off. I…well I feel bad leaving you on your own after we’ve spent the last week together.”

“I’ll be ok, I have that music to play around with. And because it’s you playing it’ll be like having you here with me. Besides if I get lonely I can always ring mom.”

“Hey if you get lonely ring me. I want you to promise me if you need me I’ll come home.”

“Tommy, I’ll be ok. I have to do this. I have to be able to occupy myself whilst you’re at work. It wouldn’t be fair on you to get you to come home every couple of hours. I don’t think Craig would appreciate it.”

“Craig would understand.”

“Maybe so, but he’d get fed up after so long. So no, I’ll be ok.”

“I’ll ring you when I have a break.”

“Ok, but please stop worrying, I’m going to play around with our music.”

Tommy went over and kissed him, then handed him the breakfast tray. “Enjoy, my love and I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“Tommy Joe Ratliff, stop fussing.”

Tommy blushed, “I just want everything to be good.”

“And it is baby. I have you in my life. Now go, get ready for work. I’ll bring the tray out when I’ve finished.”

“K,” Tommy blew him a kiss then left him to eat.

As soon as the blond had left Adam retrieved his phone from the nightstand. Scrolling through his contacts he found his mothers.

“Hey mom, how are you?”

“Adam I’m good, is there something wrong? Has something happened?”

Adam laughed. “No mom, everything is great. Are you busy today?”

“No why?”

“Can I meet you at Lamills for a coffee?”

“Why don’t you come here, more private if you need to talk.”

“Ok if you don’t mind.”

“Of course I don’t mind sweetie. I’m intrigued.”

“Sorry mom, can’t say too much, Tommy’s still here. He’s going back to work today and I want to run an idea by you.”

“Ok sweetheart. So pleased he’s going back, and you’re sounding much better.”

“I am mom, I have lots to tell you.”

“Oooo sounds interesting.”

Adam heard Tommy outside their bedroom door. “Look sorry mom, have to go, Tommy’s on his way I don’t…”

“Ok sweetie, see you later. Anytime you’re ready.”

“Thanks mom, bye.” He hung up just as Tommy came into the room.

“Who were you talking to?”

“Mom, I was asking her if she wanted to come to dinner on Saturday.”

“Is she coming?”

“Yeah, said it would be good. Oh she says hi by the way.”

“Hope you said hi from me?”

“Always do baby.”

“Have you finished with your tray?”

“Tommy, slow down”

“M’sorry, just nervous about going back to work.”

“Come here.” Adam patted the bed. “Why are you nervous?”

Tommy sat down and Adam held his hand. “I…I haven’t been there since that Wednesday night, to play I mean and well the guitarist they’ve had might be better than me and maybe Craig doesn’t want me playing anymore.”

“Oh baby, that’s not going to happen. He said you could go back when you wanted didn’t he?”

“Yes but…”

“No buts.” Adam had a wicked grin on his face. “unless it’s your butt in my bed.”

“Adam, I’m being serious.”

“I know, I’m sorry, but he’s not going to replace you. Has he rung you or messaged you telling you that?”

“No but…”

“There you go. Just treat this time off as a holiday. Craig knows everything now doesn’t he?” Tommy nodded. “Well then, if he didn’t want you playing…”

“Ok, ok m’sorry.”

“Stop apologizing. This is why I love you. You sometimes take things to seriously. But before you say anything, I wouldn’t have you any other way.” He pulled Tommy to him and kissed him, the blond allowing Adam’s tongue immediate entry.

Pulling away Tommy looked into the blue eyes he loved, “Promise me you’ll ring if things get too much on your own.”

“I promise. Now go, have fun at work and I’ll be here when you get home.”

“Ok, but I am going to ring during my break.”

“Alright, I’ll look forward to it.” He kissed his boyfriend then watched as Tommy left.

Adam heard the door close and listened to the silence. He felt strange, Tommy had been his constant companion for the last week, now he was on his own. _Stop thinking Lambert, you have things to do if you’re going to have the surprise sorted out for next Wednesday._

Picking up his phone again he rang Craig, he wanted to speak to him before Tommy got there. Craig answered on the second ring. Twenty minutes later Adam disconnected, a huge smile on his face. Craig had thought it was a brilliant idea, he’d asked if Adam minded if Ash, Isaac and Matt were told. Adam hadn’t thought about any of them and said it would be better if they knew. He also explained that he was going to speak to Mike, Tommy’s mom and sister and also Sutan. By the time he finished the call he was excited and even more sure this was the right thing to do.

Looking at the time he hadn’t realized how late it had gotten. He was still in bed and normally by 9.30 he was up and had sometimes been for a jog. _What the hell Lambert, this doesn’t happen to you every day of your life._

His next call was to Mike, he knew he wasn’t at work until later that afternoon. As he was explaining his surprise to Tommy’s friend you would have thought the surprise was for him. He was excited for the both of them and promised he wouldn’t breathe a word to Tommy.

Finally Sutan, he’d mentioned it to him but only in passing. He wanted to explain all the details and rather than do it on the phone he asked him if he would like to go to his mothers with him.

Sutan picked up after the first ring. “Hey my favourite hot man, what can I do for you this beautiful morning?”

“Sutan did you get laid last night?”

“No vayvee, I’m just high on life. And my man sounds happy.”

“I am, and I’m going to be even happier.”

“Oh sounds intriguing, spill honey, put me out of my misery.”

“Uh huh, not over the phone, I’m going to moms for coffee, wanna join me?”

“Ooo the lovely Leila’s for coffee, of course I’ll join you, what time?”

Adam looked at the time, “How about I pick you up in an hour and we can call at that deli mom likes and get some lunch.”

“Perfect vayvee, see you in an hour.”

Adam was smiling. Sutan always had that effect on him. His phone buzzed with a message. He laughed when he read it.

**Hey my gorgeous lover. I tried ringing you but you were busy. Hope you’re ok? Let me know, I love you xx**

**Hey baby, m’ok, Sutan on the phone and you know what he’s like. I love you too see you later xx**

As he was finally getting out of bed his phone buzzed again.

**Glad everything ok, yeah know what Sutan’s like. See you later xx**

Adam sent a smiley face and a heart then set to and showered and dressed.

Within the hour he was picking his keys and wallet up and heading out to pick Sutan up. Calling at his mom’s favourite deli they arrived at her house laden with food ready to hear what Adam had to say.

^V^

Tommy arrived at Bar 39 just as Craig disconnected the call from Adam. “Hey TJ great to see you back, how’re things?”

“Craig, hi, yeah we’re good. Adam’s getting there.”

“That’s fantastic, how are you?”

“M’ok. Sorry it’s taken me so long to come back.”

“Not a problem, told ya, take as long as you needed. So are you gonna play tonight?”

“If you still want me to play?”

“Of course we do. That friend of Ashley’s was ok, but not as good as you. Takings have been down each night he’s played so yeah, we want you back.”

“Wow, thanks Craig. I really appreciate that.”

“So off you go, have a play and get your fingers working again. The others will be here in around 30 minutes.”

“Thanks Craig.” Tommy headed over to the stage, his guitar still there from the last time he played. Picking it up he strummed it, and shuddered. It was not in tune. Quickly and expertly he tuned it then began playing. Without realizing he began playing the music he’d recorded for Adam the previous evening. He was so lost in his playing the didn’t hear Ashley, Isaac and their friend arrive.

As he came to the end, applause broke out. Looking up he saw four faces staring at him Craig had joined them.

“Wow TJ that was beautiful, what was it?”

“Um…it doesn’t have a name…yet.”

“Oh wow…sorry said that already.” Ashley giggled. “So what, who…?”

“It’s something Adam’s written. He’s been playing around with it for a while and well he got me to record it last night. He…he’s going to put words to it I think. But not really sure.”

“Well I for one would love to hear it if he does put lyrics to it. He’s a very talented man.”

Tommy smiled. “Yeah, he is.” He looked at the guy next to Ashley. “Gonna introduce me to your friend.”

“Sorry TJ, this is Monte Pitman. He’s been playing for us whilst you were off.”

Tommy jumped down off the stage his hand out ready to shake the guys hand. “Hi, I’m Tommy, thanks for standing in for me. I really appreciate it.”

“Mmm, you might have told me you were back today, turned down a gig for tonight. What am I gonna do now?”

Tommy dropped his hand. No wonder they’d lost money if this was the attitude the guy always adopted.

“M’sorry, didn’t know I was coming back until Sunday, didn’t think you’d mind.”

“Well thanks a lot guys. That’s the last time I do you a favour Ashley.”

“Hey, you knew it was temporary on a day to day basis.”

“Thought he’d have been off longer, looking after the Diva.”

“Hold it right there.” Craig could see Tommy getting angry. “if you haven’t got anything good to say, you can leave…right now!”

“Fine.” The guy picked up his guitar and headed out. As he got to the door, he turned. “If your guys hoping to use that music as his next single, good luck to him, he’s been gone too long.” He exited leaving everyone open mouthed.

“Bastard!” Ashley looked at Tommy, “I’m sorry TJ, didn’t know he was like that.”

“Not a problem. I’m back and I’m just happy to be here and happy Adam’s writing again. Whether he sings again is up to him, not gonna push the issue.”

“Well whatever happens we’re all there for you and with you.”

“Thank you guys. Now how about we jam for a while.”

All in agreement they laughed and headed to the stage. Craig smiled knowing the surprise heading in Tommy’s direction.

^V^

Adam spotted Sutan waiting outside Raja’s and he was holding the biggest bouquet of flowers he’d ever seen.

Pulling up, “Aww Sutan, you shouldn’t have. They’re beautiful.”

“Hands of vayvee, these are for a beautiful lady.”

“Mom will love them.”

“That’s why I bought them. Gotta keep her smiling.”

“You’re a sweet talker Sutan Amrul.”

“That’s why you love me.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Sutan carefully laid the flowers on the back seat then made himself comfortable as Adam pulled away.

“So honey what’s this big secret you don’t want Tommy knowing about? Everything is ok isn’t it?”

“Yeah, Tommy’s great and everything is fantastic.” Adam smiled, Sutan noticed a look flash across his friends eyes. A look he hadn’t seen on Adam’s face since he’d been living with Alex.

“So, what is it then?”

“You’ll just have to wait until we get to mom’s, not gonna tell you then tell mom later.”

“You’re a spoilsport sweetie.”

Adam laughed. “Oh I know I am.” Sutan watched him, “What?”

“What do you mean…what?”

“You’re staring at me, have I got food stuck to my face?” He smiled at the image of his lover making him breakfast in bed.

“No, no food on your face. But you have that dreamy look and you’re laughing.”

“Is there a law against laughing and being in love?”

Sutan smiled. “No sweetie no law against any of that. I just love how you laugh and it’s all because of Tommy.”

“Tommy is amazing, beautiful, sexy and he loves me for who I am not what I do or used to do.”

“He is a very beautiful man and a kickass guitarist too.”

“Yeah, that’s one thing I want to talk to you about.”

“Oh, care to enlighten me?”

“Not until we get to mom’s, I need your help…both of you.”

“Ooo I’m intrigued.” He smiled, then squeezed Adam’s knee.

Their journey was full of laughter and Sutan trying to get more information out of Adam, but failing.

Pulling up outside his mothers’ Adam bounded up to her front door reminding Sutan of the little kid that was always just beneath the surface of Adam Lambert.

As his mother opened the door Adam hugged her and kissed her cheek then headed inside leaving Leila staring after him and Sutan standing in the doorway watching the both of them.

“Well hello pretty lady, these are for you.” Sutan held the flowers out.

“Oh my, they’re beautiful, thank you.”

“Beautiful flowers for a beautiful lady.”

“Aww thank you.” She kissed him. “What’s just entered my house? I thought it was my son, but wow has he taken, eaten, drunk something, he’s on a high.”

“He wouldn’t tell me anything on the drive over. I was hoping you knew what was going on?”

“Nope, let me go put these in water and then we can beat…or tickle the information out of him.”

“Good idea, want me to do anything?”

“Well Adam’s been to the deli by the look, so why don’t you put the food out, and pour the coffee.”

“Will be my pleasure.” Sutan followed her to the kitchen and 5 minutes later he was carrying a tray of food through to the lounge. Adam was standing at the window watching the world go by.

“Hey Adam, come eat something, you bought it so help us out here.”

“What? In a minute. I’m too excited to eat, you both go ahead.”

“Well at least come and sit down and tell us why you wanted to talk to us and what’s got you excited.”

Adam went to join them and began telling them what he’d done and what he wanted to do. “So…what do you think?”

“Wow are you sure that’s what you want to do. It’s not too…”

“No mom, it’s not too soon. I’ve wasted enough time and as for the way I want to do it I thought it would be a surprise.”

“It’s certainly going to be that, have you spoken to…”

“Mom, I’ve spoken to Craig and Mike and they’re with me on this.”

“Honey, if you’re happy, then I’m happy.”

“That goes for me too sweetie.” Both Sutan and Leila hugged him.

“So…when were you thinking?”

“I’ve got the finishing touches to put on the song and I’ve arranged with Craig for a week from tomorrow.”

“Wow as quickly as that?”

“Yeah mom, I don’t want to wait, life’s too short.”

They saw a look of sadness flash across his eyes.

“You’re thinking about Alex aren’t you?”

“Yeah.” He went quiet.

“It’s ok you know. He was a huge part of your life.”

“I know, I still miss him.”

“That’s natural. What does Tommy say?”

“Oh mom, Tommy’s amazing. He seems to know when I’m thinking about Alex and he gets me to tell him stories of what we used to do. Then he’ll hold me and we don’t say anything. He’s just there for me.”

“You have a one in a million boyfriend there.”

“I know, that’s why I…”

“Whatever you decide we’ll be there for you. And Neil will too.”

“I haven’t told Neil yet. I didn’t want to take anything away from his big day.”

“You won’t, he knows that. Why don’t you go ring him now. I’m sure he’ll want to be there too.”

“Ok, thank you both for understanding.”

“I don’t know about Leila, but I couldn’t be more happier for you.”

“Thank you Sutan, Mom…I am doing the right thing aren’t I?”

“If we get our Adam back and he’s happy with who he is then I’m happy for you. And I can see how much you love Tommy. Now go, ring Neil and talk to him.”

As they watched Adam disappear into the dining room Sutan noticed a tear trickle down Leila’s face. Scooting over to her, then wrapping an arm around her shoulders he handed her a napkin.

“Aww why is my beautiful Leila crying?”

“I’m just so happy for Adam. I never thought I’d see this day. I never thought he’d find anyone after Alex. I’m so pleased he has Tommy. I owe that beautiful man so much.”

“Tommy has done so much for Adam, I was worried that he wouldn’t stay around after Adam’s…hiccup last week, but he stayed and I’m so happy for them.”

“Tommy was devastated and he blamed himself. But…well you know the rest.”

“His mother has a lot to learn about her son and I hope they can work through things.”

“Well I’m going to dinner on Saturday and Dia and Lisa are going to be there too.”

“Well let me know what happens and shout if I can do anything to help.”

“I will, thank you.” She hugged him.

“Hey, what’s going on in here?”

“Adam we’re so happy for you?”

“What did Neil say?”

“He’s bringing Elysse next Wednesday he wants to meet Tommy.”

“That’s great honey. Have you got…?”

“No not yet, going out tomorrow. Was going to ask if you wanted to come with me mom?”

“I’d love to but unfortunately I’m busy.”

“Would you like a Queen’s eye view on it instead?”

Adam laughed, “Any excuse for shopping Sutan!”

“Gotta give a gurl credit.”

“Sure, you can come. Meet you at Raja’s at 2.”

“That’s half the day gone.”

“Tommy doesn’t go into work until 1pm.”

“Aah ok, 2 it is.”

Leila watched her son describe what he thought Tommy would like as she went to refill the coffee pot. She just hoped Tommy’s mom and sister accepted the pair of them in their lives.

^V^

Tommy didn’t realise how much he’d missed playing. By the time they stopped for a break his fingers ached. Yes he’d played for Adam, but not as much as he played at the club. He needed to hear Adam’s voice, he was missing him. Pulling the phone from his pocket he hit the speed dial for Adam. Engaged, ok he’d try again later.

“Hey TJ say hi to Adam for me.”

“Would if I could, lines busy.”

“When are we going to see him again?”

“Mmm not sure Ash, think he’s still a bit embarrassed about last week and the big revelation of who he really is.”

“Look, tell him not to worry he had his reasons, we love him whatever he wants to call himself.”

“Thanks Ash I’ll tell him.”

He tried again…still busy. Oh well he’s probably talking to Sutan or Leila. He messaged him **Hey lover tried to ring you, you were busy. Miss you and love you. See you in a couple of hours**. Stuffing the phone back in his pocket he headed back to the stage. They had one final set to do then Craig had said he could go home.

Tommy felt his phone vibrate half way through Don’t Stop Me Now and he giggled, it would have to wait, he definitely couldn’t stop.

The remainder of the set sped by and it wasn’t until Tommy was heading to his car that he remembered the message. Opening it he smiled. **Sorry baby was on the phone to Sutan, we’re going shopping tomorrow whilst you’re at work. Miss you too drive safely**. Tommy sent a quick message saying he was on his way home.

The next few days seemed to fly by. Tommy tried questioning Adam about his shopping trip but Adam told him he didn’t buy anything. Tommy didn’t really believe that as he knew what Adam and Sutan could be like when out together. He’d heard enough stories. Tommy had been in contact with his mom and she surprised him by saying she’d love to have dinner with them on Saturday even Lisa had said she was looking forward to it.

When he told Adam he’d got a hug from him and he told him he knew they’d eventually understand.

It was manic at work. Patrons had heard Tommy was back and they’d come in to wish him well and to buy him a drink. He’d told Craig instead of buying a drink he was to put the money in a pot and give it to charity. The customers who’d given thought that was a brilliant idea. Asked what charity, Tommy had said the Trevor Project. A few had asked what it was and when Craig told them it was an organization that helped LGBTQ youngsters between 18 and 24 by providing intervention if they contemplated suicide, the money doubled.

Tommy told Adam and said it was his way of remembering Alex. Adam had held onto him tightly and cried. If he could love Tommy any more he would. He hoped what he’d got planned for next week would show the blond how much he did love him.

All too soon it was Saturday and Craig had given Tommy the day off. He was pacing up and down the lounge waiting for the buzzer to ring so they could let his mom and Lisa in.

“Calm down baby everything will be ok.”

“I…I just want everything to go well not like last time.”

“It will. Your mom is ok with us being together isn’t she?”

“She said she is but…”

“No buts just let her talk about it when she wants. As much as I want her to be happy for us, it’s going to take her some time.”

“I know. What time’s Leila arriving?”

“In about…” The buzzer sounded.

“Fuck! I hope that’s Leila and not my mom, I wanted your mom here as mediator.”

Adam laughed. “Oh baby, we’re gonna be fine.” Adam pulled him close and kissed him. The buzzer sounded again.

“Whoever it is I’d better let them in.” Adam pressed the button and in no time there was a knock at their door.

Tommy took a deep breath, held on to Adam’s hand as he went to open the door.

Laughter could be heard and as Adam peeled the door back, the men were greeted with 3 women laughing amongst themselves.

Turning to face her son Leila exclaimed through laughter “Are you going to invite us in or do we have to eat in the hallway?”

“Um…sorry…please…come in.” Adam looked at Tommy who raised an eyebrow in question. The women continued to laugh as they handed their coats to the boys.

“Please go through to the lounge we’ll just…um…get you a drink.”

“Thank you.” Leila sat with Dia and their conversation continued.

Tommy followed Adam through to the kitchen. “What the fuck?”

“Don’t know, but it’s got to be a good thing…hasn’t it?”

“I hope so. Come on let’s take these and go find out.” Adam carried the glasses, Tommy the bottle of wine.

“Hey mom, you going to let us in on the joke?”

“Oh Adam, I was telling Dia about that time you and Neil went to that fancy dress party. You went as the Phantom of the Opera and you tried to get Neil to dress as Christine Daae. Neil pouted so much that you told him he was a cry baby and you swapped costumes so he was the Phantom and you went in drag.”

“Thanks mom.”

“Mmm so you were in drag before you met Sutan?” Tommy added to the conversation.

“Ok, ok, very funny. Hey Dia anything to embarrass Tommy Joe?”

“Mmm let me see.” Dia made a point of looking like she was thinking, then she laughed.

“Mom…what are you…”

“Be quiet Thomas.” She laughed. “Well there was one time when Tommy wanted to climb a tree, he was about 5 or 6. Well he got half way up and got stuck. He shouted for his father to help get him down. Ron had to get a friend to help also. Tommy had got his foot stuck in a hole in the trunk and couldn’t go up or down. It took them half an hour to free him.”

“That wasn’t funny mom. I was scared.”

“It was funny Thomas when you ended up upside down clinging to your father in case you fell.”

Tommy groaned.

“So Tommy want to re-create that for me sometime I’m sure I can find a tree for you to climb.”

“No fucker I don’t.” He stopped realizing what he’d said. “Um sorry mom.”

“Tommy I can see how happy you are. I’ll forgive you.” Tommy looked from his mother to Adam then went to his mom.

Hugging her, “I am happy, I just want you to be happy for us too.”

“I’m understanding more every day and baby if you’re happy then I’m happy for you.” She hugged him back.

“I love you mom.”

“And I love you too sweetheart. And your father would be so proud of you.”

“I…I haven’t been to see him this week, but I promise I’ll go next week.”

“I know you will, but you don’t have to. He will understand.” Tommy wiped a tear from his cheek.

“Ok, dinner is nearly ready, Dia would you like to help me dish up. Mom, you Tommy and Lisa can go sit at the table.”

“Ok sweetie if you’re sure?”

Adam nodded. It would give him a chance to hint to Dia what he wanted to talk to her and Lisa about.

Tommy, Lisa and Leila didn’t notice how long it took for Adam and Dia to bring the food through, they were in deep conversation.

The meal went well and Tommy relaxed even telling a few embarrassing stories about himself and Lisa.

When it came time to clear the table, Tommy got up. “Who wants to dry whilst I wash?”

Adam winked at Leila.

“I’ll help you.”

“Thanks Leila, so much for your son being a gentleman.”

“Oh I can be gentle and I’ll show…”

“Adam Mitchel Lambert, we have guests and I’m sure they don’t want to hear what you get up to in your bedroom.” Leila tried her hardest not to smile, she didn’t want Dia getting angry or upset.

“Sorry mom, sorry Dia, Lisa.”

“Oh that’s ok Adam, I’m sure you’re very loving to my son.”

Tommy nearly choked on his wine.

“See Tommy, your mom’s a great lady.”

“And you’re just a groveling rock star.” Tommy kissed his boyfriend then whispered. “Thank you.”

Disappearing into the kitchen Tommy heaved a sigh of relief.

“Hey are you ok?”

“Yeah, I am now. I was so worried about what mom would do or say. Then when Adam…nngh…I’ll kill him before tonight’s over.”

Leila laughed “my eldest has no filter on his brain. He speaks then thinks, I’m sorry if he was out of order.”

“It seems my mom didn’t mind, I was really surprised what she said.” He held onto the sink.

“Your mom just needed some time to understand how you felt about Adam and I think she’s finally realizing how much you meant to each other.”

“Plus I have you to thank for talking to her. I wouldn’t have been so calm if I’d have had to do it.” He went to hug her. “We had better clear these pots, they’ll wonder what we’re talking about.”

“They’ll be fine, give your mom and Adam a chance to get to know each other better.”

“Mmm I’m sure mom has plenty of embarrassing stories to tell.” He laughed as they set to work.

Once Tommy and Leila had disappeared into the kitchen Adam poured each of them another glass of wine. Taking a large mouthful he looked from Dia to Lisa.

“Are you alright Adam?”

“Yeah…um no…oh shit, sorry, I think so.”

“Well if you have a problem and it involves Thomas…”

“Mom you said you’d…”

“Sorry…Tommy, then I’d like to know.”

“Mrs Ratliff…Dia. The only problem I have with Tommy is that I love him so very much.”

“I…yes I can see that. But there’s something else isn’t there.”

“Yes there is.” Adam then explained the surprise he had for Tommy the following week and wanted to know if Dia and Lisa would like to be there too.

“Of course we’ll be there. What time would you be…”

“Not sure, but could you be at Bar 39 for about 9pm, I’m going to wing it and see how the night goes.”

“That sounds exciting. I’m guessing Tommy knows nothing about this.”

“Lisa if it’s a surprise then no he won’t.”

“Sorry mom.” Adam laughed. “Hey I only asked.” She tried to pout.

“Dia, I promise you I won’t ever hurt Tommy Joe, I love him too much to do that. Will you please forgive me for everything?”

“Adam, there is nothing more special than two people in love. You are forgiven on one condition.”

Adam looked worried. “Um…ok.”

Dia smiled. “Come and give me a hug.”

Smiling Adam went to her and that’s how Tommy and Leila found them.

“Whoa, have I missed something?”

Dia laughed, “no honey, just giving my son’s boyfriend a hug. That is ok isn’t it?” Tommy laughed and joined them for a group hug.

The remainder of the night was filled with laughter, embarrassing stories and drinking.

Dia finished her wine. “Ok Tommy, Adam, we really should be going. Lisa would you call a cab for us?”

“Sure mom.”

“Dia, Lisa, we have plenty of room why don’t you stay here.”

“Thank you Adam, but I have early service at church in the morning and I’d feel as though I was intruding if we stayed.”

“The offer is there.”

“Thank you, maybe another time?”

“Sure. Thank you for everything.”

“You’re welcome. We’ll see you soon.” She hugged him and kissed his cheek.

“Cab will be five minutes.”

“We’ll wait outside. Thank you again for a lovely dinner.”

“Our pleasure. Take care of yourselves.”

Tommy hugged his mom and Lisa then wrapping his arm around Adam’s waist he waved them off.

“Do you want to stay mom?”

“Well I drove here so I think I had better.”

“You know where your room is. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight boys see you in the morning.”

“Oh mom!”

“Mmm”

“Your special pancakes would be nice to wake up to.”

“Adam you mom’s a guest.”

“It’s ok Tommy, I know what my son is like. Alright you’ll get your pancakes on one condition.”

Adam groaned, “What?”

“If you’re going to have sex, please don’t be too loud my poor innocent ears won’t take it.”

Tommy blushed and Adam laughed. “Mom, we’ll be quiet.”

“Thank you.” She winked, “night boys.”

“Night.” They chorused.

“Oh my, your mom knows we…”

“Tommy baby, she has known what I’m like since I took my first boyfriend home. Just be grateful she hasn’t caught us in the middle of having sex.”

“Fuck, you mean…”

“Oh yeah, she caught me and Sauli, she came home early from work and we were…well I’ll let you imagine the rest.”

“Adam, I…would you just hold me tonight? I promise to make it up to you when Leila’s gone home.”

“Ok baby, as long as you’re in my bed I don’t mind if we make love or not.”

“Thank you.”

Adam kissed him then took him to bed.

^V^

The days leading up to _Tommy’s Day_ as Adam was calling it in his mind, seemed to be never ending. He worked on the song, he rang Craig, Mike and Sutan making sure they were still ok with everything and that Tommy had no idea what was going on.

Leila had stayed until the afternoon on the Sunday making the boys pancakes for breakfast. Several times Tommy caught them talking, stopping when he walked into the room.

Adam hoped his boyfriend didn’t ask what was going on as he was no good at lying when he was in love with someone.

“Adam.”

Adam was fiddling with the lyrics of the song. “Mmm?”

“Do you mind if I go see dad tomorrow?”

“What…sorry baby, what was that?”

“I said do you mind if I go see dad tomorrow?”

“Of course I don’t mind.”

“Thank you, I thought I’d go as I didn’t go last week.”

“You don’t have to ask my permission.”

“I know but…”

“But you thought it might upset me.”

“Yeah, m’sorry.”

“I’m fine, in fact I may come with you. Go see Alex whilst you visit your dad.”

“K”

The following day saw them both at the cemetery. Tommy kissed Adam then went to see his dad. Brushing away the dead leaves.

“Hey dad, sorry I missed coming last week, things got a bit crazy. Wow, mom has finally accepted me for who I am and she likes Adam. It was horrible dad, I didn’t want to see her. But Leila, that’s Adam’s mom, well she got us back talking and well…everything is good again. I just wish you could have met Adam, you’d have liked him.” He sat for a while just listening to the silence. A couple of times he thought he heard Adam singing but it wasn’t a song he recognized.

“Well dad, I had better go. Adam’s with Alex, so I’ll see you next week. I won’t be here Thursday, gotta work. But I promise I’ll be back next week. Love you dad, bye.” He traced his fathers’ name with his fingers then stood to go find Adam.

Adam sat down, brushing the leaves away, he smiled at the photograph. “Hey baby, wow, where do I begin. I’m so sorry for not being here for a while. I was very stupid. I told you I have Tommy now and I love him, well…I’m sorry I tried to join you. Fuck, things happened and it all got too much for me. But Tommy found me and saved me yet again. Oh Alex, I’m so sorry. I miss you, but I love Tommy so much. I’ve written a new song. I’m going to sing it for Tommy on Wednesday night.” He began humming the tune then found himself singing the words. He stopped realized that he could be heard by Tommy, after all that was how he’d found him in the first place.

“What do you think? Do you think Tommy will like it?” A breeze rustled the trees and made Adam shiver. “Thank you baby, I knew you’d understand. I will always love you but I have found someone else whom I love so very much. I have to go sweetheart I will come back and I’ll bring Tommy with me.” He kissed his fingers then brushed them over Alex’s photograph.

As he stood he noticed Tommy on his way back. When he reached him Adam folded him into his arms and they just stood for several minutes listening to each others breathing and the silence around them.

“You ok baby?”

“Yeah, m’good. Told dad everything that’s happened. What about you?”

“I’m ok too. I told Alex everything too. Thank you for allowing me to love you both.”

“Hey,” Tommy turned in his arms. “you loved Alex for a long time. I don’t have a right to tell you to stop loving him because we are together.”

“You’re amazing Tommy. I never want to let you go.”

“You don’t have to. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Shall we go home?”

“Yeah, lets.”

Tuesday saw Tommy restarting the open mic night and they had some really good singers, but also some really awful ones. Like the guy who wanted to sing _For Your Entertainment_ as his own tribute to Adam Lambert. Tommy cringed, he couldn’t tell the guy, but it was the worst performance he’d heard.

When he got home he told Adam and they both ended up in fits of giggles.

“M’sorry Adam, but it was awful. I wanted to tell him to piss off, I had the real thing at home but I had to remain professional.”

“Aww poor baby, did it hurt your ears?”

“Hurt them? It ruined them.” He laughed again.

“Come on let’s go to bed, we have a long day tomorrow.”

“I have, not sure about you?”

“I’ve got shopping with Sutan in the morning, lunch with mom, then Best Man duties with Neil in the afternoon.”

“And I’m setting up for the themed night tomorrow, rehearsing new songs and then playing an hour set tomorrow night.”

“What theme has Craig gone for this time?”

“He’s going soft in his old age, he’s chosen Love, don’t know why he chose that, but I just work there. We’re playing lots of love songs as well as our usual ones.”

Adam secretly thanked Craig. “I’m thinking of coming tomorrow, would you mind?”

“Of course not, in fact you’ll make it a whole lot better, at lease I’ll have someone there _I’ll_ love.” He kissed Adam.

Tommy started to undress but Adam stopped him. “What’s wrong?”

“We had mail today.”

“We have mail nearly…” The penny dropped. “Oh!”

“Yeah, here.” Adam handed him a brown envelope. Tommy stood looking at it. “Aren’t you going to open it?”

“Have you opened yours?”

Adam held out his envelope. “Let’s do it together.” Tommy looked into Adam’s eyes.

“K, one…two…three.” They tore open the envelopes.

Pulling out the letters they stared at them.

“What”

“M’scared Adam.”

“Me too. How about we read each others?”

“K.” Tommy handed his over and took Adam’s.

Reading them a smile spread across both their faces.

“You’re ok.”

“So are you baby.”

Dropping the paper on the floor Adam pulled Tommy to him, kissing him hard.

Without breaking contact they began undressing only moving apart when they really needed to breathe.

Naked, Adam led his beautiful Tommy to their bed. Lying down Tommy spread his legs allowing Adam to kneel between them. Reaching over to the night stand, Adam found the lube and a condom.

“Don’t want that.” Tommy nodded at the packet. Adam smiled and threw it across the room.

“Mmm can’t wait to feel you.”

“Then hurry up, I’m close just thinking about you inside me.”

“Fuck Tommy, carry on like that and I’ll be coming before I’m inside you.”

Tommy stroked his own length biting his lip as he did so. Adam batted his hand away then kissed the tip dipping his tongue in the slit, tasting his boyfriend.

Tommy watched everything Adam was doing, seeing him slick up his fingers with lube. He felt a finger skim his hole gently pushing against the muscle wanting entry. Relaxing, Tommy felt the finger slide in and smiled, he’d never felt so good as when Adam was in him. Tonight would be even better, no latex between them.

He went to stroke his dick again.

“Uh huh, you do that and I go get the condom.”

“Nnngh well hurry up and get in me.”

Adam withdrew his finger only to push back in with 3 causing a delicious moan to escape Tommy’s lips.

“You did say hurry up.”

“Nnngh…but want your big beautiful dick in me not your fingers.”

Adam smiled, withdrew his fingers stretching Tommy on the way out. Wiping the excess lube from his fingers onto his hot dick he hissed. He was so sensitive this was going to feel so good.

“Move your legs wider baby.” Tommy did so. Gently Adam lined himself up with the entrance and carefully pushed the tip in.

“F.U.C.K! So…so good.”

“Mmm beautiful.”

“Now move rock star!”

“Nngh Tommy…so hot!”

Adam pushed until he was fully seated, then leant down and kissed Tommy before he sat back up.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, just want to watch as I disappear inside your gorgeous body. You feel so good.”

“Mmm you feel amazing, now move.”

Adam continued watching as his dick disappeared then reappeared as he made hot delicious love to his Tommy Joe.

As he watched he sped up, Tommy’s head was pushed back into the pillow the blond making the most beautiful noises.

“Adam…not going to…nngh…harder…please.”

Adam got faster holding on to Tommy’s thighs, sweat shining on both their bodies.

“Nngh tommy want you to come first, want to…aargh feel you.” Adam stared into the brown eyes.

Tommy felt it, he was close. “Adam I…aargh!” He came, clenching around his lover, streams of sticky liquid spreading up his body.

That was it, Adam couldn’t contain it any longer, he came giving Tommy all he had.

Tommy felt it. It felt weird but hot at the same time. Adam smiled at his boyfriend not stopping his thrusts until his dick became sensitive. He went to pull out.

“Wait Adam…please. Want to feel you in me just a bit longer. Feels so good.”

“You feel good around me.”

Without squashing him, Adam eased himself down so he was covering Tommy’s petit body. He could feel his dick becoming soft and unfortunately slipping out of his man. He went to get a cloth.

“No Adam, want to leave your seed in me, want to feel it in me. Shower in the morning.”

“But what about…” He pointed to his chest.

Tommy lifted a hand and traced a finger through the mess then lifted his finger to his mouth and licked it.

“God that looks so hot.” Adam kissed him tasting Tommy on his tongue. Leaning down Adam licked at the mess then kissed Tommy again.

“Mm I taste good.”

“You do baby, so good.”

“Sleep, m’tired.”

“Ok, sleep.”

“I love you Adam.”

“I love you too.”

“Gonna do that to you tomorrow night. If…if you want me to.”

“I’d love nothing more. Now sleep.” Adam kissed him again, pulled him close then fell asleep. He was the happiest man alive.

^V^

The alarm went off, Tommy groaned and Adam laughed.

“S’not funny Lambert, wanna stay here.”

“Aww is my poor baby tired?”

“Comfy.” Tommy tried to move but his skin felt tight and his ass felt…so good. “Eww.”

“What’s wrong Tommy Joe?” Adam giggled again.

“Should have showered last night, my skin is…ugh!”

“Come on then, shower then I’ll make coffee.”

Adam held his hand out helping Tommy to the bathroom. What should have been a quick shower turned into long sensual minutes, Adam washing his lover and _oops accidentally on purpose_ , bringing him to a delicious climax.

Tommy’s legs his excuse gave way and he just had to kneel down in front of Adam _and_ _oh as he was down there he gave his lover a wonderful blow job_.

Both men happily washed and on a high after their orgasms, they wrapped towels around their waists then headed for the bedroom.

“Thank you for last night.”

“Oh it was my pleasure baby.”

“You felt so good inside me without anything between us. I want…I want you to feel that too. Will you… tonight after we get home?”

Adam smiled, he was thinking about what was going to happen before they got home. “I would love for you to do that to me. Mmm it will give me something to look forward to all day.”

Tommy kissed him. “Better get dressed and get to work. Got quite a few songs to learn and rehearse for tonight.”

“Are you doing any of mine?”

“Not that I know of why?”

“I wouldn’t mind if you did. I’ll be ok you know.”

“I know you will. We’ll see what happens.”

Adam hugged him. “We’d better get dressed otherwise I may just take you right now.”

“I know baby.” Quickly kissing him, Adam released his hold and within minutes both men were ready to go. Tommy had on his favourite black skinny jeans, which didn’t leave much to the imagination. Plus he’d chosen his favourite Depeche Mode t-shirt. Adam laughed when he saw the picture matched his tattoo of the rose and initials.

“Subtle baby.” He grinned pointing from the shirt to the tattoo.

“Hey, fave group, leave me alone. You can talk.” Tommy pointed to Adam’s Queen t-shirt.

“Touche, but you can’t beat some good Queen songs.”

“I think someone mentioned coffee!” Tommy put a hand to his throat and stuck his tongue out mimicking someone who was thirsty. “A person could die of thirst around here!”

“Fucker, ok I’ll give you a choice next time. Hand job or coffee.”

“Oh hand job wins every time.”

“Stop complaining then.” Adam slapped Tommy’s ass as he headed out to the kitchen.

Breakfast was full of music talk, Tommy loved hearing Adam talking about his music and other stuff he was listening to. Adam had come such a long way in the last few weeks.

Tommy’s phone rang. “Tommy speaking…oh hi Craig…yeah sure not a problem…no he’s here…oh ok.” Tommy looked at Adam. “He wants to talk to you.” He handed the phone over.

“Hey Craig…yeah m’good thanks…you?...Oh ok, I’ll see what Tommy says…yeah I’ll send it with him if he agrees…K I’ll talk to him.” He disconnected. Handing the phone back “um you didn’t tell me you’d played that new piece of music I’ve been playing around with.”

“I’m sorry, you’re not mad at me are you?”

“Oh Tommy, I could never be mad at you.”

“Everyone liked it, thought it was different.”

“Well Craig wants to know if they can add it in to tonight’s set?” Adam had already spoken to Craig about it and that phone call was a cover.

“Oh…erm, how do you feel about us playing it?”

“I’d be honoured baby. I’d like to hear how it sounds with the others playing too.”

“In that case I’d be delighted to play it. Thank you.”

“No baby, thank you. It’s because of you I’ve started writing again. So it’s only right that _you_ should be the one to play it.” He leant across the table and kissed him.

“Mmm I could stand more of that, but I really do have to get to work. If we’re playing your music then we’re gonna have to rehearse.”

“I’ll go get it for you.”

“Adam.”

“Yeah baby.”

“You sure you’re ok with this?”

“Yes Tommy, I’m sure.” As Adam turned to go to his _den_ he smiled. The plan had started and Tommy had no idea at all.

Just before Tommy left. “Have a good day with Sutan, your mom and Neil and I’ll see you at the club tonight.”

“Thanks baby, gonna do some shopping with Sutan so that’s always good to do.”

Tommy laughed, “Tell him hi from me and I want details of your purchases when I get home tonight.”

“Always fun shopping with Sutan. Ok details later tonight. Have a good day.”

“I love you, bye.” Tommy blew him a kiss then disappeared.

Adam was on cloud 9. He had so much to do before he went to the club that night. First he had to make sure everyone was still going to be there. Ringing his mom, Neil and Mike they all told him to stop worrying everything would turn out alright. His mom asked him if he’d found what he was looking for, he’d told her sort of and he was taking Sutan with him for advice. Leila had laughed and offered her services too.

Adam was just tidying up when the buzzer sounded. Sutan was always early. Pressing the button to allow him entry, Adam picked up his wallet, keys and phone then headed out to meet his friend.

“Well good morning vayvee, are you ready to shop?”

“Always Sutan, although a little nervous.”

“Stop worrying, whatever you pick Tommy will love.”

“I hope so. Craig rang this morning and everything’s set up for later.”

“And Tommy doesn’t know anything?”

“Nope, he just thinks it’s another of Craig’s crazy ideas.”

“Wonderful. Come on then let’s go shop.”

They had been into so many shops Sutan had lost count. “Vayvee if we don’t find the right one soon all the shops will be closed and then what will you do?”

“Oh Sutan, I know I’m being awkward but I know what I want and I haven’t seen it yet. Please…you know you love me, just a couple more places.”

“It’s because I love you that I’m here. So come on then, let’s keep looking.”

Three shops later and Adam exclaimed. “There it is Sutan, that one. I love it.” Adam pointed to the item he’d seen. Sutan knew that was the one as Adam’s eyes lit up.

“Excuse me, could I please have a look at that one.” He pointed to the item in the display cabinet.

“Of course sir, give me a minute.”

Adam was bouncing, it was perfect. He wanted to see it close up. The assistant handed it to him.

“Sutan what do you think?”

“I think it’s beautiful, just like the both of you.”

Adam blushed. “I’ll take it.” He handed it back to the assistant.

“An excellent choice if I may say so. Your girlfriend is a very lucky person. It’s one of our limited edition designer pieces.”

“It’s for my boyfriend and I’m the lucky one to have him.”

“My apologies sir.”

“Not a problem.”

“I hope he’ll like it. If it needs altering please feel free to come back.”

“Thank you, we will.”

The assistant disappeared to wrap Adam’s purchase.

“Tommy will love it. He’s a special man.”

“Yeah, Sutan, he is and this is how I’m going to prove it to him.”

“And I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Does he know we’re all going tonight?”

“No, only Craig, Mike and the band know. Mike’s going to make sure you all have the VIP booth just out of the eye line where Tommy stands on the stage.”

“Did you say anything to his mom?”

“Yeah, Dia and Lisa will be there too.”

“Wow, progress.”

“Yes, they were both pleased when I told them. I think Dia just needed things explained. She’s a lovely lady and she loves her children. I think that’s why she said what she did. She’s had too many people telling her it’s wrong. But she sees how much Tommy means to me and well…I’m just happy for them.”

The assistant interrupted them. “Here we go sir. I hope your boyfriend likes it.”

“Thank you.” Adam handed over his credit card.

“Oh Mr Lambert, I didn’t realise.”

“I’d be grateful if you didn’t say anything to anyone. My boyfriend doesn’t know yet.”

“Discretion is our policy. May I say I love your music and was sorry when I heard about…”

“Thank you…for both.”

“It’s nice to see you looking so happy. He must be a wonderful man.”

“Yes, he is.” Adam smiled.

The assistant handed Adam his card and purchase. “Good luck.”

“Thank you. And thank you for everything this morning.”

“My pleasure and take care of yourselves.”

Adam smiled at her then with his purchase safely in his pocket he and Sutan headed off to Leila’s.

Tommy had been rehearsing for the last couple of hours and needed a break. “Ok guys let’s have 30 minutes to relax then we’ll have a look at Adam’s song. Apologies Matt…but he’s not written any words yet so you get a break when we play it.”

“Not a problem TJ. Makes a change for me to listen whilst you lot work.” He smiled.

“Thanks…thought you loved us?”

“Oh I do Ashley, I do.” He winked at her.

“Hey what’s all this frivolity? I pay you to work and make beautiful music.”

Tommy flipped Craig off. “You’re a slave driver and we’re having a break. If you want us to play tonight then let us finish our break.”

“Now who’s the slave driver?” They all laughed, Craig was happy to see Tommy so relaxed and he couldn’t wait until that night. Tommy deserved everything that was coming to him.

“Hey guys, brought you coffee. Sounds good TJ, we really missed your badass playing.”

“Thanks Mike, and I don’t just mean the coffee. Listen guys, I know I’m not one for making speeches, but as I have you all together can I just say a huge thank you…to all of you for your support this last few weeks. Adam has not had the best of times and we’re both sorry that we lied to you.”

“TJ,” Craig put a hand on his shoulder, “we understand why you did it and just hope that everything goes well for you in the future.”

“Thanks Craig, that’s much appreciated.”

Ashley sniffed, “sorry guys, I just want to add that you make a gorgeous couple.” She wiped her eyes.

“Ok, now we’ve all shown our love to one another, let’s get back to work.”

“Craig’s right TJ, you are a slave driver.”

Tommy flipped Isaac off then headed towards the stage.

Once out of earshot. “Remember not a word to TJ about Adam’s surprise tonight.”

“You have our word.” Ashley spoke with everyone nodding.

“Hey! Are you lot coming to work or do I have to find a whole new band?”

Laughter filled the air as they all went back to work.

^V^

The rest of the day flew by in a blur for Tommy. They’d rehearsed Adam’s song until he was happy with it. He knew what Adam liked and how his boyfriend envisioned it being played. Matt was in awe of the tune and wondered about the lyrics and what the reason was behind writing such a beautiful piece of music.

Tommy looked at the time. “Hey guys it’s 4pm why don’t we have a couple of hours break then meet back here at 6 just to go through the set list.”

Nods and comments of approval from everyone saw them all disappearing to do their own thing. Only Tommy remained at the club.

“Aren’t you going home TJ?”

“Nah! Adam’s not there, he’s with his brother sorting out _Best Man_ duties. Personally I think it’s an excuse to have a drink.”

Craig laughed. “Tell you what, go use my office, rest and have a sleep. I’ll come and get you when the others get back.”

“Thanks Craig, may just do that, don’t want to be falling asleep whilst I’m playing.”

“Here take this and we’ll see you later.” He handed the blond a plate of sandwiches and a shot of Jack. Watching the petit man head to the office he turned to Mike. “Everything ready for later?”

“Yup, Tommy’s either going to be blown away or he’s going to flip.”

“Mmm hope it’s the first one.”

“Yeah so do I. But…we’ll be ready.”

The two men continued decorating the club.

Adam and Sutan had done a lot more shopping before they descended on Leila. Adam had bought his mother a beautiful silver bracelet with hearts engraved into it. She’s loved it and said she’d wear it that night. They’d discussed how they were going to get into the club without Tommy seeing them. Mike had arranged for them all to go in before anyone else and be settled before the band came onto the stage. Instead of them all arriving separately Neil offered to take them together. Adam told him that he’d go in his own car otherwise Tommy would know something was going on.

“Adam, honey, go sit down, you’ll be worn out before you get to the club, then what’ll happen?”

“I’m ok mom, I’m excited, nervous, scared.”

“Oh baby, come here.” She held out her arms, Adam loved his mothers’ hugs. “You’ll be fine, just imagine it’s the two of you on that stage tonight.”

“I know mom, but what if people don’t like what I’m doing. What if I’ve been gone too long and they don’t like my music?”

“Vayvee if they don’t like your songs then they have something wrong with their hearing.” Adam laughed, “There you go, laugh and everything will be ok.”

“Thank you, both of you. I just hope Tommy will like what I’ve bought.”

“I’m sure he will. It’s special to both of you.” Adam hugged his mother again. “M’gonna go for a lie down, like you said. I want to be good for tonight.”

With one last hug Leila watched her eldest climb the stairs, thinking back to the last time he was there.

“Hey pretty lady, he’s a different man to the last time he walked up there. He has someone beautiful in his life who loves him very much.”

“I know. I was just thinking how amazing they are together.”

“And we’ll see that later tonight. Look I’m going to go home and change. I’ll be back for about 6, then we can all leave together.”

“Thank you Sutan.”

“For what?”

“For being there for Adam and Alex and now for Adam and Tommy.”

“You’re family and family stick together.” He kissed her then went to find a cab.

Tommy heard a knock on the door. “Hey TJ, you awake?”

“Mmm, yeah come in.”

Craig had a steaming mug of coffee in his hands and laughed as Tommy made grabby hands for it.

“The rest are back and ready to go.”

“K, tell them I’ll be there in 5. We can do a full run through then relax until the crawd arrive.”

“Right, I’ll let them know.”

Tommy watched as Craig left thinking tonight was going to be good, the crowd would at least get to hear a new Adam Lambert instrumental. He hoped they liked it.

Leila’s house was full of laughter and talk as Adam descended the stairs. He smiled when he saw everyone together. Dia and Lisa were talking to Neil and Sutan. Leila and Elysse were getting coffees for everyone when Adam went behind his mother and wound his arms around her waist.

“Thank you for everything mom.”

“You’re welcome sweetie.”

“I couldn’t have done this without you.”

“Yes you could, you’re a Lambert and they don’t give in. Plus you have a beautiful man in your arms every night.”

“And I love him so much.”

“We can ALL see that. Now go join our guests and we’ll bring the coffee.”

Adam kissed her neck then went to join everyone.

Neil decided a speech was necessary. “Erm…ladies and gentlemen and Adam.” Adam flipped him off. “Thanks bro. Seriously, I love my brother and was worried about him for a while, but then he met Tommy Joe Ratliff and well…I have my pain in the ass brother back and I couldn’t be happier. Let’s go have a good time tonight.”

“Aww thanks Neil.” Adam smiled. “I just hope Elysse here knows what she’s letting herself in for.” He blew a kiss to his brother.

“Boys, on that note. I think we should go. Don’t want to miss any of Tommy’s set tonight.”

Leila smiled as her eldest disappeared out to his car. She knew he was nervous but she also knew it was the right thing to do.

Mike met them at the door. Adam had already arrived and was keeping Tommy occupied in the dressing room, whilst his family and friends got settled in the booth. Mike told them he’d go let Adam know when everyone was sat with a drink. The party headed to their seats, Craig was there, a bottle of champagne cooling in an ice bucket on the centre of the table.

“For later, on the house.”

They thanked him and took their seats.

Adam knocked on the dressing room door.

“Come in.”

  
He walked in just as Tommy was buttoning his white shirt.

“Mmm I’ll be unbuttoning that later. You can guarantee that.”

“Eww boys too much information for my delicate ears.”

“You Miss D are not so innocent.” Isaac piped up.

“Thanks pal.” She huffed but couldn’t keep a straight face.

“You ok baby?”

“Yeah, m’good…why?”

“Oh, no reason.”

“Adam what’s wrong?”

“Just thinking.”

“About?”

“How far I’ve come in this last couple of months. About Alex and…well.”

“Hey, it’s ok to think about him, keep telling you.”

“I know. Plus I’m thinking about my music you’re gonna play tonight.”

“They love it.” Tommy pointed to his fellow musicians.

“I’m hoping the crowd like it too.”

“Stop worrying, it’s music from Adam Lambert, they’ll love it. Like I love you.”

“Eww boys please!”

Tommy threw a towel at Ashley.

“I’m…” There was a knock at the door.

“Come in.”

“Guys, I need to pinch Adam. Craig’s just on the stage introducing you lot so Adam needs to find a seat before the lights go down.”

“K Mike, thanks.”

Adam kissed his boyfriend. “I’ll see you after your set.”

“Mmm and I’ll give you that present we talked about this morning.”

“Can’t wait baby.” A quick kiss and he was gone.

“Hey TJ what present you got for Adam?”

“Ashley D, something very special that only I can give him.” He winked.

“Ooo the images, thanks TJ.” She feigned a shudder and they all laughed.

“Enough, let’s go give Adam and the patrons a night to remember. Tommy picked up his guitar then headed for the stage.

Ashley and Isaac hung back. “And a night that Tommy won’t forget either.”

The applause they got as they stepped onto the stage was awesome, Tommy couldn’t stop grinning.

The group in the booth smiled when the band hit the first chord of _Someone To Love_. Adam was standing near the stage and was happily singing along.

By the 4th song the crowd were buzzing and singing along to the songs they’d chosen. Tommy had decided that they would have a short break after song 6 and as it came to an end he took the mic from Matt.

“Ladies and gentlemen, wow thanks for coming tonight. It seems ages since I was in front of a crowd this big. The band are going to have a 10 minute break then we’ll be back with something just a little bit different. Thanks guys, see you soon.”

They left the stage to rapturous applause. Adam went over to the booth briefly chatting with everyone.

“I’m sorry I’ve not joined you, didn’t want Tommy knowing you were here just yet.”

“Not a problem. I didn’t realise how good my son was.”

“He’s one of the best Dia, he can certainly make that guitar talk.”

“I can see why he loves playing.” Dia smiled.

“I’m going back to my spot near the stage. I need to be there for when he plays my song.”

“Ok, see you later and good luck.” Dia squeezed his hand. He smiled then disappeared.

He was back in his place just as the band came back onto the stage. Tommy saw him and smiled. They had one to play then Adam’s.

The crowd cheered as the intro to _Mad World_ started and a lot of the crowd sang along with them. As the song came to a close Tommy looked for Adam, but he’d gone. His face fell, he hoped it wasn’t because they were playing his song next.

Matt turned and gave the mic to Tommy. “Wow, thank you. Erm… We’d like to play a song for you now, it’s been written by Adam Lambert, my gorgeous boyfriend. M’sorry but it hasn’t got any words yet. Adam’s still working on them. It also doesn’t have a name. But we’re playing it tonight to see what you think to it.” Tommy handed the mic back to Matt who went to wait at the side of the stage.

Tommy counted them in then began playing. He nearly stopped playing, Adam was walking onto the stage singing.

 

I had a vision that the colours had bled away  
And I had nothing to follow  
Was in a prison and my life was stuck on replay  
And all my wishes were hollow

 

You were a beam of light  
Lit up my broken sky  
There was just something about you  
I had a vision and it painted the world for me  
And now I’m laying beside you

 

I don’t need to wander anymore  
I have found what I’ve been looking for  
I don’t need a map to know the way  
I don’t need a map to tell me where I’m at

 

Now I believe in more than I can see  
Now I can breathe again and  
I don’t need a map to know the way  
I don’t need a may, you’ll always light the path.

 

Tommy stopped playing, tears were running down his face. The crowd had gone completely silent. He looked at Adam who smiled, tears falling down his face too. Turning, Tommy looked at Ashley and Isaac who were smiling. Adam had stopped singing. The audience were still silent.

“Wow ladies and gentlemen, I’ve never had that reaction to one of my songs before. But I don’t mind, not when I have in front of me the person who inspired me to begin writing again. Ladies and gentlemen, the man who saved my life more than once…Mr Tommy Joe Ratliff.” The audience applauded and whistled. Adam beckoned Tommy over.

Wrapping an arm around Tommy’s shoulders, Adam quietened the crowd. “Wow, ok…here goes. Tommy has been amazing since I met him, since I lost Alex. Without him by my side I wouldn’t be here talking to all of you.” He took a deep breath. “K, so that was part of my new song. Tommy didn’t know I was going to be singing, he didn’t know there were words to it. I’ve um…been keeping it a secret.” He kissed the side of Tommy’s head and the audience _awed._ “Right I…um…have another secret for Tommy, Craig can you put the follow spot on our families.” The light panned around and Tommy saw everyone sat in the booth and it looked like they were all crying.

Someone in the audience shouted “What’s the song called and where can we buy it?”

Adam laughed. “Haven’t recorded it yet, but will do if you want me to?” A cheer erupted. “Ok I’ll take that as a yes. As for the title, it’s…” he looked at Tommy. “it’s called _Map_.”

“What’s the reason for the title?”

“Well when I was at my lowest Tommy Joe showed me the way back and well…he’s my map and I don’t need any other to show me where I’m going, except my beautiful boyfriend.” Another cheer erupted. But Adam hadn’t finished. He managed to hush the crow again. Tommy stared as he handed the mic to Ashley. Tommy couldn’t hear what he whispered to his bass player but she held the mic so Adam could still use it.

“I’m sorry for interrupting your evening, but I have one more thing to do, please just indulge me for 5 more minutes.” The crowd applauded. Adam reached into his pocket and brought out a blue velvet box.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I love Tommy Joe so very much and although I’ve written _Map_ for him, I didn’t think that was enough to show him how much I loved him. So…” He looked at Tommy then to his family, then got down on one knee. The crowd went wild again. He waited until they could hear him. “So…” opening the box. “Tommy Joe Ratliff will you marry me?” He held the box out.

Tommy saw the most beautiful silver band engraved with gold infinity symbols. _Forever_ that’s what they’d said.

Someone in the crowd shouted. “What’s your answer Tommy?”

He looked into the crowd then across to his family, he saw his mother smile and nod her head.

“Tommy will you marry me?”

“Yes.” He whispered.

“What baby?”

“I said yes.” He held his hand out for Adam to put the ring on his finger.

Adam pulled him close and kissed him passionately. “Thank you baby, you’ve made me the happiest man alive. I love you so very much.”

“And I love you too.” Whispering “and I’ll show you how much I love you when we get home tonight.”

**The End**

**Author's Note:**

> "Mad World" Adam Lambert https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJOWgqp4ZfA&feature=player_detailpage


End file.
